"Who are Elle and Juna?" Dora was laying against his side with her her head on his chest, after getting home from work. He was brushing his fingers through her damp, pink hair, the scent of her shampoo as strong as ever, soaked into it. He thought back to the conversation he'd had with James and Lily the other morning and wondered how much she had heard.
He sighed, an involuntary action, and she leaned up to kiss his chin.
"You don't have to tell me." She said, "but I just never heard anything about them. And that was unusual. I didn't mean to eavesdrop the other day." She added hastily, and he felt the warm blush creep into her cheeks.
She heard about magus imperium… He decided not to ask her, suddenly unsure why he even felt like he had to keep it a secret. It was merely a distinction that he was a more powerful wizard than most. And she already knew that, but he still kept it quiet.
"Ellie and Juna were two girls in Lily's year. Ellie was a Ravenclaw, Juna was a Gryffindor through and through." He laughed to himself picturing the girls wide smile and seeker spirit that won them the quidditch cup.
"Ellie was… a lot like you actually, certainly more reserved, but clumsy as anything, adorable, sweet, and so loyal. I think the only reason she wasn't a puff was that she was a genius. Probably rivaled Hermione in her intelligence. Juna was Sirius in girl form, which makes sense because they dated from sixth year until after James and Lily got married." He got quiet, unsure what else she would want to know.
"So Sirius was with Juna, you were with Ellie, James and Lily, what about Peter?" She asked, he chuckled underneath her.
"That about sums it up. But Peter didn't have a girl. Not one that I knew of anyway. After he died there was this woman who showed up at his memorial service, and the way she was crying for him, I really wondered if they were together, but at that point I was just too numb to care. I didn't want to have a tie to her if they were together." Tonks nodded, her hair leaving a moist trail on his collarbone.
"The day of James and Lily's wedding," Remus began, unsure if it was appropriate for him to be telling his present day girlfriend about a previous romance… "Ellie was a bridesmaid of course, her maid of honor actually, and I was a groomsman. We spent the whole day helping each other and making sure everything was perfect. It was the funniest day ever, because it was a half muggle wedding, and wow. We had no idea what we were doing." he suddenly remembered something and got up to open the closet pulling out an old box.
"Here." He rummaged through it pulling out a stack of photos and walking back over to the bed. He held them out before sheepishly looking away. "Is this weird? I mean I'm not in love with her, I just-"
"I want to know your life, Remus." Tonks kissed him before setting herself in his lap and pulling the pictures from his hand.
Her eyes widened at the first photo. "She's the most beautiful person I have ever seen…" Tonks whispered, looking at the witch standing with Remus and Sirius, arms over both their shoulders laughing vivaciously. Her hair was a long red brown, curled and pinned and sparkling. She was thin and joyful and beautiful.
Remus nodded behind her. "I would say second most, but I'm likely partial." She giggled, flipping to the next photo, and gasped again.
In this stood all four marauders holding four girls. She saw James and Lily, Remus and Ellie, Sirius and Juna (who Tonks assumed to be Juna) and Peter with another woman.
"I see you two and the Potters, who are the other two?" Tonks asked, pointing to Sirius and Peter.
"That, Remus gestured to the first dark haired woman standing with Sirius, "Is obviously Juna."
"I see the resemblance." Tonks said, thinking Juna even held a bit of the 'black eyes' and all their mysterious grey colorlessness.
"And with Peter is our other friend Cardeila. She was a hufflepuff, but she fled the country, she was a muggle born, and after Ellie and Juna died…" He took a deep breath. "She wrote us all a letter the next day, telling us she was leaving, she loved us, but that she needed to put her life and her family first. I have no idea where she even went. If she's alive… But maybe that's what she wanted." Tonks squeezed his hand under the blanket, moving to the next picture. She smiled to herself as she looked at Remus and James, dancing together like a couple would for their first dance. They were laughing ridiculously, clearing fighting over who had to put their hands where. She could just make out Lily and Sirius in the corner, dancing together in more of a swing style.
"You all had so much fun together." Her smile fell slowly. "I hate war." She said. Remus felt the mood settle over and kissed the top of her head.
"Me too, love, but," He was wondering if his words would actually be helpful. "War brought me to you." She groaned, but still turned on his lap and kissed him slowly.
"I guess that's a good thing. But I like to believe that we would have met anyway, even if we didn't end up like this." She said, he didn't take time trying to figure out what she meant.
"I think I like this too much to consider any other way." He said pulling the photos out of her hand, pulling her onto the bed with him and kissing her until the moon had risen high and they had fallen asleep in eachothers arms.
Two weeks later they were six days away from Harry's birthday (and the next full moon), and the Potter's were all going to dinner at the Dursley household, the first time they would all be together since James and Lily came out. In the beginning Tonks and Remus were trying to be encouraging about the whole ordeal, but they both learned they would be better off staying quiet about the whole thing, and pretending they didn't even know what was happening.
The stress was so tangible Tonks decided it would be best for she and Remus to disappear for the night. Together they snuck out the door throwing a hasty goodbye over their shoulder and apparating to diagon alley. Tonks stumbled upon their landing, then turned to Remus and burst out laughing. He drank in her pink cheeks and pink hair and oval, owl eyes, and he found himself laughing with her. He pulled her to him, not caring who saw as he kissed her lips. She stopped laughing immediately, and kissed back, hard, before pulling away with flushed cheeks.
"Wow." She said, shaking her head. "Damn you're good." She added, and he chuckled again slipping his hand in hers as they walked down the street. He tried not to give attention to how quiet it was, how fearful everyone was feeling. They went into the three broomsticks together, walking to a table in the back and waving to Rosmerta. She didn't even come to their table before returning with a butterbeer and firewhiskey, setting them on the table with a wink.
"Remus and Tonks. Lovely surprise." She said looking at the two knowingly. Remus felt his cheeks blush, glancing at the woman next to him who was smiling wickedly. Rosmerta winked at him "Any food for you two tonight?" Tonks glanced to the man next to her in question and he shook his head.
"Thank you but we actually have another place to head over to tonight." If Dora was surprised by this she didn't show it. Rosmerta nodded and walked away to check in with the other patrons of the place. Tonks sipped at her butterbeer, looking around calmly. Remus tensed when he saw her eyes widen, setting down her mug.
"Remus," She began slowly, "Don't turn around." He felt his own back tighten as he longed to immediately disobey her advice. He didn't. Her eyes followed whoever was walking through as she morphed her hair from pink to black and changed her face slightly. Remus saw Rosmerta walking over to them in his peripheral vision, and figured she was protecting them when she stood directly covering him from anyone who was near the front of the bar.
"I'll get you to the back as soon as I can, alright?" Tonks nodded, her face a distinct shade of pale Remus didn't like to see. Madame Rosmerta walked away quickly, and Tonks reached across the table for Remus's hand and smiled at him, tightly. He was just about to cave and turn around when he heard everything he needed to know he shouldn't move.
"Hm hm." The little cough cut through his skin, and Dora gripped his hand tighter. "Oh good, Madame Rosmerta, you're just the person I needed to speak to." You could practically hear Rosmerta roll her eyes, and Remus watched Tonks's grey orbs narrow dangerously. "I wanted to let you know about a new werewolf legislation the ministry is enforcing, for the safety of our people, of course." Rosmerta stayed silent, and slowly the whole place grew quiet as it seemed everyone was feeling the tension.
"You see," Umbridge began awkwardly, clearly expecting a better greeting for some reason, "shop owners are now allowed to refuse service to any-"
"Thank you for that information, but I won't be refusing to anyone just because the ministry says I can, and I will refuse anyone I want regardless of what you have to say about it, now if you'll excuse me I have a few people who appear to be in need of some service." Remus was using Tonks's eyes to figure out what was happening behind him, and by the sound of footsteps he figured Rosmerta pushed past the pink toad and began working again. Tonks remained frozen, as did most everyone else in the bar, waiting to see what Dolores would do.
"I think you may have misheard me, Rosmerta-"
"That would be Madame Rosmerta to you, Umbridge." Tonks's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and her lips quirked in an almost smile.
"What I am telling you is that when this law passes you will be required to refuse service to every known werewolf in the area one week before and ten days following the full moon." The dark tips of Dora's hair began to shift to a dangerous red and Remus squished her hand in his to get it ti stop, she took to biting her lip instead, as her hair faded back to the color she ha it.
"So it's not a law yet?" Rosmerta asked, and Remus pictured her standing with one hand on her hip.
"It will be." Dolores was losing her grip on the situation.
"Feel free to come back when it's final, we'll talk then."
"When it's final there will be nod discussion, it will be-"
"Discussable, yes, now if you don't mind I rather have a great deal of work to get done."
"If I didn't know better I would say you were acting sympathetic to the other side. We are at a war here, Rosmerta, and it would do you well to stand with your ministry as they fight to protect their people." Wrong choice of words. Remus could practically see the spark of anger that would light Rosmerta's eyes at those words.
"All their people except those with illness yes, I understand. And when that law is passed we will discuss it, until then," Rosmerta gestured to the door, and Remus heard the clicking of the toad's pink heels as she walked toward it and yanked it closed with a huff.
Tonks grabbed Remus's hands and pulled him to the back of the bar before dropping a few galleons on the table and waving to Rosmerta. She wrapped a hand around Remus's waist and sidelonged them right back into their apartment. He didn't even open his mouth before she was a flurry, running into the kitchen where there was an owl he didn't even see. She ripped the note off it's leg, holding out her finger for it to nip. It was KIngsley's owl, and by the look on her face it was something she didn't want to be reading. The owl nipped at her finger over and over, and she didn't even seem to notice it was drawing blood.
She pulled her hand away, found smoe parchment and jotted down her own reply to the letter before dropping what Kingsley wrote on the table. She sent the letter with the owl and rushed back into their bedroom. Remus simply stood in the middle of the living room watching her run around like a mad man, wondering why there was something he seemed to be missing.
She came back out in her auror robes, and it was then he noticed she was crying, silent tears that fell down her face. He ran over to her and grabbed her shoulders.
"Whoa, whoa." He chided, stopping her in front of him and wiping at her face. "Hey, what's this?" He asked her, walking her to the couch, ignoring her attempts to pull away.
"Remus I have to go to work." She groaned, and he ignored her pulling her into his lap.
"It can wait, what happen?" He asked, keeping his voice gentle and firm.
"Remus please-"
"No secrets, not anymore. What did Kingsley say?" She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands over her face.
"There have been attacks, since they tried to enforce that law…Rosmerta was the last person they told. They've been making rounds for weeks now behind the backs of most of the ministry." She began cautiously, scratching at her head uncomfortably, Remus felt his stomach tighten.
"Greybacks pack? Who have they been attacking?" Her hand fell to her mouth and she let out a hysterical sounding sob, or laugh. It was a foreign sound for Remus to hear from her, and it scared him.
"No Remus," She bit over her lip tightly, drawing blood in an instant, ignoring it. "Fuck Remus, wizards are attacking suspected werewolves." Her morph dropped completely, and her brown hair caught his eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he could still join the pack if werewolves were just being attacked.
"Okay, that's better then, Mungo's can treat them, right? They can't refuse service to people yet right?" The same noise fell out of her mouth, and he held her hands tighter.
"They're killing them, Remus. Wizards are killing people who they assume are werewolves with muggle weapons." He choked on air for a minute, before feeling a deep ache in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
"What?" He wheezed, imagining how hard it would be for her when he left for the pack at the end of the month. She was watching him carefully.
"This is why I didn't want to tell you…" She mumbled.
"How long have you known about this?" He asked, suddenly very angry. Her eyes shot up to his and flashed with anger.
"Oh no Remus Lupin, you don't get to yell at me for this. I don't tell you loads o things about work, and this wasn't confirmed until today. So settle yourself and look at me so we can talk about this."
He took a steadying breath and did as she said.
"You will be fine, King and I will get to the bottom of this, and that law will not get passed. Understand?" He just nodded. She looked around the house then back at him, standing to her feet and beginning to pace.
"I cant leave you here like this…" She muttered, he felt himself smile despite everything.
"Just because you are talking to yourself doesn't mean I can't hear you." He said, She shot him a withering look and sat back down.
"Will you be okay here alone for a little?" He nodded, totally not believing it was true. "Yeah that's what I figured. I'm calling James." And before he could stop her she sent a patronus out to his best friend.
Much to Remus's surprise James appeared in their living room almost immediately and looked directly at Tonks. "Go." he said, and without another word to Remus she was gone.
James looked at his friend.
"You alright, Moony?" Remus took a deep breath. He was certainly not alright. He was under the impression everyone knew about this werewolf attacking except him, that all his friends were keeping secrets, that Tonks was so ashamed to be with him that she had to leave the three broomsticks, that James was probably upset because if they were still at the Dursley's things must have been going well, and-
"Mate." James cut off his mental rant with a sheepish look. "Listen," he sat down next to Remus. "I didn't know anything about this, Tonks told me the basics in her patronus. She wasn't keeping a secret she was keeping you from harm; because you would have done something stupid if you knew about this sooner, and don't you deny it. Also I'm figuring by the way she ran out of here you're going to start to think she's ashamed of you or something stupid, but don't be daft. She ran out because she loves you so much she wants to make sure she's as involved as she possibly can be in trying to work this out so she can ensure you'll be safe." He smiled over at his old friend. "Did I get everything?" Remus laughed, a hard sound but a laugh nonetheless.
"I guess you did. I forgot how good you were at reading me." And even as he spoke the words he felt himself relax. Dora love him, she was trying to help him. Even if that annoyed him at times, he was learning to love that fierce loyalty in her, that Hufflepuff shining through her.
"She'll be home soon, and then we can talk and figure this out. It'll all be okay." Remus wasn't sure if he agreed, James was clearly not convinced either so Remus just nodded and looked at his friend with a familiarly mischievous glint in his eyes.
"So," He said watching James's eyes narrow in wonder. "How's your brother and sister in law?" James burst out laughing.
A few hours later Lily and Harry returned home, full of awkward stories of their time at the Dursleys and hopeful words that things would only get better from there. The four sat around with tea and stories, drifting into the kitchen when Lily decided it was time to cook dinner, ending up back in the living room much later that night, nearly into the next morning. Tonks had yet to return. Nobody had yet spoken of her absence, but they were all beginning to feel it.
Finally, Harry was practically falling asleep on the floor working on some of his summer homework for transfiguration, James stood up and began to pace.
"Settle down boys," Lily chided, the worry evident in her eyes but hidden in her voice. "Lets send to Mad-Eye and see if he has any information." And without waiting for any word she conjured her own patronus, whispering her message and sending it off. Harry watched it go with a smile.
Not but two minutes later the man was outside their front door, knocking for too agresively for their neighbours liking. James tossed the door open, shushing the old man before ushering him inside.
"Good security Potter, if I was a death eater you'd all be dead." Alastor stated as he walked in, scanning through the house with his magical eye.
"Nymphadora is on a raid with Kingsley." He informed, Remus wondered why he couldn't have just sent a patronus with that information. "They are doing joint work for the Order and the Ministry. Two birds with one stone if you will." James and Lily nodded, Remus was waiting for the moral of the explanation. He knew there had to be more.
"They're searching for the man responsible for the attacks on the werewolves. In their search they found that he is not working alone, nor is he simply killing all those he suspects." Remus tensed.
"He's caging them." It wasn't a question, Mad-Eye gave Lupin his full attention. Harry looked up too.
"Yes, Tonks and Kingsley have reason to believe he is holding them for the full moon, but they don't yet know why."
"She isn't" Remus said darkly, surprised at himself that he would speak to Alastor like that, but also feeling an urge to run after her.
"No." Moody deadpanned. Kingsley wouldn't let her. Remus and James both let out a sigh of relief. "But they were caught, the bastard found them. We lost contact about 30 minutes ago. We have to trust that the ministry knows where they are." Remus rubbed his hands over his face.
"I hate her job." Thankfully Moody did no rebuke him, just nodded along with him.
"You're all welcome to go wait at the burrow, news will likely go there first, there's a few of us there already."
"What if she comes back here?" Lily asked, already walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bag they always kept prepared with overnight clothes for all of them.
"She won't we told Kingsley the plan."
That was all they needed before making their way to the Weasley household.
The burrow was alive with motion and emotion when they entered, everyone sitting on edge waiting for news that they had no way to know when it would arrive. They were afraid for their friends, and afraid for themselves. Everyday the reality of war became more tangible.
They waited all through out the night with no news.
They kept waiting.
Slowly people began to filter into daily routines, they had to go to work, some had to sleep, the kids did homework. For three days. Remus, James, Lily, and Harry all coped in their own way, but it was futile. Tonks's absence was most present for each of them, and trying to find things to distract the from it was not only impossible, but felt wrong.
The full moon was two days away, Remus's body was feeling it, he almost wanted to throw out his wolfsbane, and he probably would have if the guilt of the money that was wasting didn't eat at him so much.
"I've cooked soup for dinner tonight, we'll be eating in-" A dangerously loud and echoing crash from the outside cut off Molly. Every head in the room sapped up, and before anyone could blink Ginny was running out the front door. Remus was a second behind her with everyone else behind him. He took in the scene around him slowly, not wanting to miss anything. She has to be here he thought, watching Ginny from the corner of his eye doing the same thing. She has to be here. He spun around frantically. Come on Dora… come on. Where are you… He was growing desperate, and he could practically feel his friends feeling the same.
The was motion on his left. He jumped around, not seeing anything.
"Remus…" James warned, knowing Lupin was already on edge with the moon. Remus shook his head, seeing Lily scanning the area the same way he was.
"Bill. Bring the kids back inside," Molly began, her voice sounding tight as they all grew more nervous as to what caused that noise.
"Ginny, come on we don't want anyone getting-"
"TONKS!" Ginny screamed, running across the yard through the grassy field that was growing, without thinking everyone followed her, having to stop short when they almost hit Ginny. There standing before them were Tonks and Kingsley, both looking alarmingly unscathed, though holding themselves as if they were feeling intense pain. Behind them were two people a man and a woman, thin, bruised and scarred.
"Get Mad-Eye. Now!" James commanded someone, and Remus watched Harry and Ron take off back toward the house. Everyone seemed frozen, and Tonks slowly raised her hands to them, as if she was afraid they would hurt her. Remus cringed at the thought.
"We have to get these two to the ministry." She said, her voice scratchy. Kingsley glanced at her but didn't say anything. Tonks's eyes scanned over all of their friends, resting a Remus a second longer before she continued. He held himself back from running to her.
"Nymphadora!" Mad-Eye shouted as he moved quickly across the field. Tonks gasped in, and Kingsley reached to her with a feeble warning of "Tonks wait." But she took off toward him.
"Mad-Eye." She cried, her voice shrill as she did. He was prepared though and he caught her in his arms quickly and held her tight. He leaned down and whispered harshly in to her ear, but nobody was able to make out what he was saying. She nodded and stood up straight again.
It was then everyone noticed the long dark gash running down her back. Lily gasped and Kingsley moved toward them, ignoring their friends.
"We need to go. Tonks. Now." She whispered something else to Mad-Eye who nodded at her, and patted her shoulder. He motioned for her to turn around and ran his wand down her back once. She hissed through her teeth at the pain but otherwise remained still, and them walked over to king.
He raised his hands in the same gesture Tonks had earlier. "We're sorry for the intrusion. It won't happen again. Official ministry work and problems with anti-apparition wards." Everybody seemed frozen as he spoke awkwardly, leading into just as uncomfortable silence.
He nodded to Tonks and without further information they apparated away taking the two mystery people with them.
"They wanted us to know they were safe, but they didn't want those people knowing they knew us all. Tonks approved running to me because I'm known as her mentor. But Kingsley will probably do a memory modification on them anyway, he says they were here for too long."
"That's why they didn't say anything?" James asked, speaking for everyone when he did. Mad-Eye nodded.
"They were werewolves that Tonks decided they couldn't leave behind. But they aren't sympathetic to either side, meaning that for them to see us all together is dangerous for all of us." Mad-Eye continued, although his explanation didn't make anyone feel better.
"They looked okay enough…" Arthur said feebly. Alastor barked a harsh laugh.
"Spells and morphing." He said roughly before a tense silence settled back over the group.
The friends and family paced in circles for several more minutes before the sound of apparation again brought them rushing forward to greet their friends. Kingsley had an arm around Tonks's shoulder holding her up despite the limp in his own leg. He looked around cautiously before locking eyes with Remus.
"Let's get inside, then we'll talk." With that he passed Tonks over to Moody, before silently asking for help from Remus and James. The two men both put their arms over his large shoulders and half-carried him back inside.
The door shut and people immediately started talking, Mad-Eye ignored them all and continued walking right into the living room where he lay Dora down on the couch and pushed Kingsley next to her.
"Let's see then." Moody said, and Kingsley waved his wand over himself and Remus watched in shocked anger as larges gashes and bruises appeared all over his body. Tonks remained still, watching him warily. Alastor glanced at her
"Drop the morph girl we don't have time to get you to mungo's right now." Remus would have sworn she rolled her eyes, but slowly her hair faded to brown and her body appeared scarred and bruised just like Kings was.
"For the love of-" James huffed, "What the bloody hell happened?" Kingsley took a slow deep breath.
"They found us out, and it did not go over well for us. I think Tonks and I are cursed from working together on missions. It just never ends well for us." Had the situation not been so tight they all probably would have laughed, but there was none of that.
"Someone ought to call Severus, we can't get all these potions on our own." Mad-Eye stated, moving over to Tonks and taking an inventory of her injuries. She was sat on the couch unmoving, eyes trained on the fireplace across from her. Remus watched from an abnormal distance unsure of how else he was supposed to help from there.
Severus arrived much quicker than anyone would have thought. He took a survey of the people in the room before rushing over to Mad-Eye and observing Tonks and Kingsley.
"Any spell damage?" He asked, looking at Tonks. She glanced at everyone around the room nervously.
"Everybody out!" Moody shouted, using his hands to push people to the door; Tonks, King, and Severus just watched. Remus followed the crowd out of the room unsure of what he was supposed to be doing.
Severus looked back at Tonks.
"I take that as a yes?" He asked. She looked at Kingsley who slid off his tattered cloak to reveal two large, cursed gashes on his right side.
"Unusual cutting spells." Snape noted under his breath. He looked at the brown haired woman to his left.
"Do you have the same?" She nodded, shimmying her own torn shirt up to reveal her stomach which was covered in small cuts and deep gashes that rivaled that on Kingsley. Snape cringed at the sight of them.
"That's not the same." He said giving her a look that made her want to shout if she was feeling at all up to it.
"I know." Her voice was hoarse and raspy from screaming. Severus's eyes shot up to hers.
"You have an alarming affinity for attracting the cruciatus curse on yourself, and coming out rather unscathed." Tonks cringed and Kingsley let out a harsh chuckle.
"Yeah," she breathed out, wondering where this more gentle side of her usually horrendous ex professor was coming from. "Don't tell-"
"Alastor needs to know." He said, and she was thankful he didn't make her say Remus's name. Even though their school boy feud was (hopefully) forgotten by her memory charms, she still didn't like the way he looked at Remus sometimes.
"Okay." She whispered.
"What else happened?" He asked, looking to Kingsley again seeming to decide that Tonks wouldn't actually be very helpful.
"Just these cuts and some… muggle style things. Nothing long term except…" He glanced at Tonks uncomfortably. "If you have some dreamless sleep potion I think we would do good with that for a few days…" Severus nodded quickly.
"Of course." He said, walking over to his satchel and opening it up. With a flick of his wand he had several small vials of potion levitating over to the pair, dividing them up by look.
"Take these tonight, not right now you'll want to apparate home first, although I wouldn't recommend you stay alone Shacklebolt, so maybe you ought to stay here. Take the purple ones tonight and the blue tomorrow. I'll have sleeping draught to you both by tonight." The pair nodded at his instructions.
"No morphing." He looked to Tonks. "Only sidelong apparating until tomorrow, and if those start to feel like they're burning a hole in your skin you should probably just go to Saint Mungo's." Kingsey breathed out another awkward chuckle before Severus gave them a terse nod and pushed out the door. Tonks stood up (against Kingsley's advice) and rushed out, crashing into Remus at the doorway. He hesitated for a moment, thinking she was afraid of him after the things she experienced.
But suddenly he felt her arms pulling him into her, so ignoring the pains from the coming full moon, or the confusion at why he was made the leave the room too he picked her up and carried her to the chair, pulling her onto his lap. He acknowledged that their friends and fellow order members were flooding in around them, but he didn't pay them any notice. He held his Dora to himself and breathed in her scent and wished they lived in a time where he didn't have to fear for her life after every time she left the house. He heard voices around them, but again chose not to listen, he just held Dora closer to him, feeling her small frame shaking just slightly. He wanted to call it adrenaline, but he knew that it was more than likely either the after effects of an unforgiveable, or fear of everything she just saw.
She shifted slightly to look up at Kingsley who was talking to Molly about something, the pair locked eyes and he nodded at her.
"King is staying here tonight. Severus said we shouldn't be alone for too long, and that we can't apparate again until two days."
Mad-Eye clunked back in and stopped in front of the pair, Remus didn't even have it in himself to blush at the way they were sitting.
"The pair of you have off at the ministry for five days. I explained the situation with the hidden injuries. You are expected to hand in a perfect report when you go back in though." Tonks nodded at him, before dropping her head back on Remus's chest with a wince. Kingsley stood shakily to his feet and walked over to them.
"Don't be stupid." He said to Tonks, flashing her the beginning of a small smile. She chuckled, rolling her eyes before standing and hugging him tightly.
"Go to bed." She said giving him a gentle push in the direction of the door. He waved to everyone on his way out and soon the members of the order were moving about, some going home, others staying to help with further security details. Remus stood up and placed his hand inside hers.
"Should we be off then?" He looked down at her dropping eyes and smiled despite himself, she nodded sleepily and he pulled her to the door nodding to James and Lily on the way. He knew they would be back soon with Harry.
"Can you s-s-sidelong me t-t-tonight?" Tonks asked shuddering out a deep yawn. "I can ask for help from-" He placed his finger over her lips and pulled her close to him apparating them home. He pulled her in to him again and breathed in her hair, ignoring the other scents he found mixed in with it. She leaned against him shuddering out another dangerous sounding yawn. This was the war. Where people got caught and hurt and cursed and died. She could have died. This was the third time she had gotten herself in a scuffle with her aunt and everytime she seemed to come out a little more worse off.
Her arms were holding to him tightly, her face buried into his chest in a way that couldn't be comfortable for her, but she didn't move. He just stood holding her for a minute before beginning to walk with her toward the couch, unsure if she would be okay laying in bed next to him.
He sat with her, watching as she looked around confused. She blinked slowly before kicking her legs up onto the sofa and laying her head on Remus's chest. He fiddled with the loose strands of brown hair that were splayed over all surfaces possible.
"Dora?" He said softly, realizing then how quiet everything around them was. She opened one eye lazily and looked at him. "Are you afraid?" He asked her, wondering if she would know what he meant. Wondering if she had been touched in any physical way, wondering if this was all his fault for being with her, wondering if she would try and kill him when she found out he was still going to infiltrate in a week.
She shook her head and wrapped her arms around his torso. "I need you." She whispered, and he decided to just let her rest. He tapped her shoulder and pulled the dreamless sleep potion he found on the side table from Snape. He unstoppered it and handed it down to her with a smile. She unwound her arms from him and tipped the bottle up quickly, handing it back to him, already seeming half asleep. He rubbed mindless circles on her tigh where his hand was sat, and watched the fireplace waiting for Lily and James to come home, hoping Harry would be staying at the burrow. He felt her breathing even out and watched her face slip into the completely peaceful look she had when she was asleep. It didn't mix well with the turmoil he was feeling inside himself, but he tried to distract his thoughts by watching her breathing, and fighting not to laugh every time she gave a little sigh of contentment in her sleep.
Lily and James stumbled through the floo a few minutes later, Harry not with them, to Remus's guilt filled relief. Lily took in the sight of the two of them laying on the couch and sighed. "I feel like I am supposed to be this responsible older sister for her sometimes, and I'm miserably failing." James was also watching the younger witch cautiously.
"She's strong, I don't think there's anything we could do to stop these things from happening." Remus was holding his breath, watching them interact.
"I know but I just, I know other members of the order get in just as much trouble as she does, but it seems more real when it's Tonks. I guess because it comes back in to our living room…" James nodded along with her, suddenly looking up at Remus with a burning intensity.
"What are you hiding?" He asked the man whose eyes widened in nervous energy. Lily raised one eyebrow at her best friend, before glancing to her husband to try and figure out what he was seeing that she was missing. Remus remained silent for a moment too long.
"Mm, it's that bad then?" James asked, his eyes shooting to Tonks to make sure she wasn't showing any more signs of physical hurt. "It's not her. So it's you. You're thinking of doing something that you don't think we would approve-"
"Remus John. Don't you dare make some Gryffindor, prideful, git-like decision that will-"
"You are also a Gryff-" Remus tried to cut her off.
"Not the point! You do not get to go off and try and be all ass-hatted helpful while leaving the rest of here wondering if a muggle shot you that morning. Not to mention the fact that Greyback tried to actually kill your girlfriend and-"
"Now hold on there are things about my mission you don't know!" Remus shouted, only stopping himself from standing up when he remembered Dora was asleep in his lap. "I have very good reason to believe the packs have grown so large Greyback won't even know that I am involved and-"
"And that means that what? You're just going to be alright? Muggle guns Remus! We can't defend against that! You know how much this would-"
"Am I just supposed to let the other werewolves die? They're not all bad Lily! I can't sit back and just-"
"You can't?! What about us Remus? You want us to just twiddle our thumbs and hope for the best? What about Tonks? When she gets another report on another attack? That'll absolutely kill-"
"IT'S WAR!" Remus yelled more violently than he intended, thankful that the potion seemed to be keeping her asleep, he finally spun out and lay her on the couch so he could stand, glancing at James and wondering why he wasn't getting involved. He saw the fire flash in his best friends eyes when he shouted at Lily, but it wasn't enough for him to be too angry not yet. "It's a war Lily and people die and if my card in this war is something that could run the risk of getting me killed than that's what we all have to deal with! It doesn't just stop being war because it's too hard for us all to-"
"You don't think I know what we're facing! Jesus Remus it's trying to destroy my family! To kill my son! It tried to kill me! So forgive me if I don't want you running off like some noble ass because you don't understand that life is-"
"What Lily? That life is precious?! You don't think I spend every day thankful that I'm alive? Thankful that I get to hold that beautiful woman over there? That I get to laugh with you and James and know Harry as more than just a student from my third year? Do you think I want to die? That I seek out-"
"You know what Remus? I do. I think you look for things that can get you killed because you crave the rush that makes you feel a little less guilty for having this disease you can't control. And I think you try and blame it on your surroundings and things that you claim are out of your control. But you live for those moments that get your adrenaline pumping and your heart racing. Because to you, I think you think your death is a release on society. I think you think so lowly of yourself that you fail to see what would happen to the rest of us if you die. You fail to-"
Remus dropped his face into his hands and Lily's mouth clamped shut. She swallowed nervously, afraid to look at James, knowing she went too far.
"Remus… I-"
"You're right." He whispered, looking up with broken eyes. "To some twisted degree you're right Lily. But this isn't about that. I promise. This werewolf mission… It's about owing something to… To all those men and women who never got to go to school. Who never got to meet their best friends, their true love. Who never got to know what it was like to be wanted. I owe them a fighting chance to live free one day. Because if we - no. When we win this war, those wolves on Greybacks side aren't going to walk free. And I want to know I gave them a chance at life like I was given. I know we all say that I don't have to live in this world I've been put in, but I do, because I owe this world everything, and I can't live in freedom like this without giving a fighting chance to those that otherwise never would." He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, not noticing Tonks sitting behind him, very awake, a combination of grief and adoration filling her face. James watched her as Remus looked up at Lily.
"I can't celebrate life with you and James. I can't laugh along with Harry. I can't eat Molly's cooking, joke with Kingsley, duel a death eater, help one of those amazing kids… I can't think about Sirius… I can't kiss, or hug, or decide to marry, of even love enough that damned amazing gift of a woman… I can't do those things without thinking off all of those people who have no idea that life is out there. They have no idea that they can be loved. And because of this wretched, amazing, painfully and brokenly beautiful illness I get to carry, it's my job and my debt to at least tell them about it." He dropped his head ripping his hands through his sandy hair. "I have to at least tell them… no matter the cost. They deserve that much." He whispered slowly. All of the friends watching him warily Tonks pushed herself up to sitting, tugging on his wrist as she did so.
"Remus, darling, sit down." She whispered up to him, setting her arm over his shoulder and pulling his head down to rest on her. He slowly wrapped his arms around her waist, looking up at Lily and James who were both watching the exchange, motionless.
"I… I'm sorry I woke you." He said to Dora, not moving to look at her. "You need to sleep more I didn't mean to-"
"Remus stop talking." She said, getting the smallest smile from him and James who remembered the first time she had said that to him, and the first time Sirius had said it in their time at school.
"Remus," Lily began, walking over to sit next to them on the couch. "Sometimes… Sometimes I feel like we missed so much time, and I forget how old we are. That we're adults and it's our job to figure all of this out. And sometimes I feel like we're back in seventh year and I feel like nobody is hearing me, and I have to yell to make sure our voices don't get lost in the panic of what's coming." James dropped into the chair that was behind him, watching his wife speak.
"I feel like we're losing our friends all over again, and that something bad is going to happen the minute I let go of the death grip I'm holding everything good in. I feel like we just started living again, and I can't let go of life yet… Not when it feels like there's still so much to enjoy in it." She wiped at a small tear that fell from her eyes just as Remus sat up to really look at her.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you, little flower." Remus said to her, giving a small smile when she let out a watery laugh that sounded too much like a sob to be completely okay. She threw her arms over his neck and hugged him tightly. He rubbed her back whispering another apology in her ear just as she whispered how proud she was to know him. James glanced over to Tonks who again looked like she could cry tears of joy, yet of an intense anguish as well. He caught her eyes and nodded to the kitchen.
She followed him, thankfully both ignored by Lily and Remus who were currently trying to out apologize each other.
"I know you just got hit with some crazy spell work, but are you okay?" He asked the witch, leaning against the counter as she dropped into a chair.
She took a steadying breath that did little to comfort James's concerns before looking up at him. "I have to be, he needs me to be." James opened his mouth to argue, before shutting it tightly and really looking at the woman before him. He took in her long brown hair, her huge eyes that he just realized were her natural eyes, her small body, long fingers. He took in the scar that had always been on her face but was still healing from being cut open. The bruise on her shoulder from the last mission. He took in her appearance realizing for the first time just how much it told him about her internal strength, and he realized she was right. Remus needed her to be okay.
"Man, moony really got it right with you, Tonks. He did." She gave him a half-hearted smile and shook her head.
"I'm the lucky one." James almost argued with her, because he knew his best friend was a great guy, but in that moment he wondered if Remus really knew how much that woman loved him.
James didn't say that to her. Instead he shook his head and smiled at her. "He will be safe. And you will have us. You are family now." She locked her eyes on his with a look of such intensity he wanted to look away.
"Than you, James." His eyes flashed to the doorway as Lily and Remus walked in, both looking much happier than they had minutes before. Tonks shook her head once at him, and James got the message.
"All done in there then? Tonks and I here figured you two would need a moment alone. We've known about you two for a while… but right under our noses? Just rude." Lily laughed at him walking over and kissing him lightly on the lips.
"Oh shut up Potter." She said winking at him. Remus walked over and set his hands on Dora's shoulders, leaning down.
"Alright then, love?" He asked her, knowing she was struggling but not wanting to force it out of her. She hesitated only a moment, long enough for Remus to notice, short enough for Lily to not, before looking up at him.
"Of course." She kissed his chin before standing up. "But I should be mad at you for waking me up from that rest I was having. I thought you were the one who said I needed it." She stood and poked his shoulder lightly, pushing him toward their room.
"Goodnight Potters!" She called over her shoulder as she did, squealing when Remus knocked her legs out and picked her up. James chuckled to himself, ignoring the questioning look Lily was giving him. He would tell her when Tonks was ready to share her struggles. When Remus was gone.
"Bedtime then? We know Harry won't last long tomorrow without information." He said to his wife who smiled.
"Man I love being parents." He laughed, taking her hand and pulling her down the hall into their room, flicking the door shut with his wand as he kissed his wife properly.
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