Seven days later Remus was sitting in on his last order meeting before going undercover again. He was entering in a pack not run by Greyback, he had been doing trailing research on them for well over a month. He was remembering the last full moon... The party they had set up for Harry's birthday, before he and James left quietly. Then the next night where the five of them went into muggle London and roamed around. Eating too much food, shopping in too many stores. He couldn't help but smile at the memory. He was sitting next to Tonks, holding her hand under the table as Severus spoke of what Voldemort was planning with the packs, and what Greyback would be doing. Remus and Snape had to work together here so Lupin never got caught by Greyback in the act. Remus remembered back to another time in school where Severus helped in through the impacts of a full moon…
He had tried to go to classes too early. That much was clear. He got up from the potions desk, telling his friends he would be fine and just needed to rest for the day. They could go on without him. They had double potions that day, so they couldn't all miss the entire second class. They nodded, albeit reluctantly, and let him leave when the bell chimed for the end of the first class.
He was dizzy, sweating, and having a really hard time walking straight when he finally made it to the top of the steps from the dungeon. Rounding the corner he tripped over his feet, falling to the ground just as his breakfast came back up. He heard students coming to a halt around him, awkward laughter beginning to fill the corridor. He groaned, not sure how he was going to get back up when a hand on his shoulder pushed him down on his back.
Not wanting to open his eyes for fear of vomiting again, he just groaned, hoping his friends would somehow hear him and come up. He coughed again, sitting up too quickly and managing to get sick again. More kids began to laugh and he wished he could melt into the floor.
"Hey! Hey! Everybody out of the way." He heard the voice but couldn't place it. Opening his eyes he saw Severus and Regulus black kneeling in front of him.
"You okay, Lupin?" Snape asked him, eyes seeming genuinely concerned. Reg set a hand on Remus shoulder helping Snape hoist him up.
"What's the matter with him?" Regulus asked Snape, who shook his head. "Probably just the beginning of a virus or something… But let's get him to the hospital."
Remus knew right then that Severus knew the full moon was just the night before, but didn't say anything. The two slytherins carried him all the way to the hospital wing, and even told Madame Pomfrey about the gaggle of students who made fun of him. He fell asleep in minutes, not even remembering to thank the two unlikely heroes until the next time he saw them…
Thinking back to that time in sixth year, Remus realized Severus may not even remember that moment. He couldn't be sure, but he held on to it, trying to use it to quell the emptiness that was building inside of him at the thought of what was coming for him with the sunrise. Tonks would squeeze his hand every few minutes, as if to remind him that she was holding him, figuratively and literally. She was acting as his anchor as his mission threatened to float him into the unknown and never bring him back. She wouldn't let him float away. Dumbledore closed the meeting, Molly began to bring out food as those who never stayed filtered out. Snape walked over to Remus, giving a curt nod to Tonks, handing the man a parchment filled with dates and locations.
"Memorize this. Then you'll know when Greyback is coming and how to best not be seen." Remus nodded his thanks to Severus watching the man walk briskly out the front door without a backward glance.
"Are we staying for dinner?" Tonks asked him, her hair his favorite shade of pink even though he knew she would probably have just let it be brown if she wasn't trying so hard to be his rock.
"Only if you want to." He said. "I would like to, though." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Me too. I'll go tell the kids they can come back down." She squeezed his hand once more before pushing over to the stairs and stumbling up them precariously. He couldn't help but laugh at the sight, somehow feeling that half-heartedness of the emotion. James walked over and set a hard hand on his friend's shoulder.
"How are you holding up?" He asked. Remus laughed once, it was both full of life and hollow at the same time.
"I don't know if I am yet." He answered honestly. James nodded and sat down, looking at all the faces around them. "I just wonder…" Remus began before shaking his head. James waited a pause before ushering gently for him to continue. "I just… I don't want this to be the last time I see some of these people."
"We can't hide from death, Remus. But we can try not to be stupid." James said with a smile as Remus laughed and shot his friend a weary look.
"I expected that to be some great speech, mate."
James laughed and shrugged, "I'm no Albus, I just…" The moment grew somber again just as Molly walked over asking for Remus's help bringing in dinner. He immediately obliged. James glanced around the kitchen for Tonks to no avail. He caught Lily's attention, her green eyes growing soft when they caught his darker ones. She lifted her eyes to the ceiling and nodded her head up once. James pushed away from the table and jogged up the old stairs with purpose, pushing into the study where he had to guess Tonks was hiding. He was right. She didn't even hear him enter. She was curled in a ball on the chair, knees tucked up to her chest, one single tear track on her face. James waited a moment before clearing his throat, half expecting her to jump to her feet and point her wand at his face.
"Tonks?" He asked, taking another step towards her.
"I'm okay, James." She said, finally letting her eyes drift open and trail up to his. "I just needed a minute." He almost told her she didn't have to be okay, he almost lied to her and told her Remus could handle it. But he couldn't. Not Tonks.
"Want me to wait?" He said, folding his arms in front of him.
"Yeah." She whispered, catching him off guard. She took a long, very deep breath and stood up. "Let's get the kids for dinner then." She said, and just before exiting the door he watched her hair change from brown to pink.
"You don't have to-"
"I do, James. He needs it." James nodded, even though she couldn't see him.
"Lead on then, miss Tonks." She chuckled at him. Tiptoeing around the hallway she stopped in front of Ginny's door and opened it slowly. James saw her whisper something in, and instantly Hermione and Ginny were taking quiet steps out. All three of them walked silently to the boys room, and James watched in comical shock as Tonks morphed her face to look like Alastor's, before throwing the door open and screaming "Constant Vigilance!" James doubled over when he heard the shouts from the boys before Tonks morphed back and grabbed the girls running down the stairs.
He thanked every higher power out there that she didn't fall flat on her face. And laughed even more when Ron, Fred, and Harry rushed out the door after her, laughing as well, but also looking embarrassed enough for their chase to be real. George walked out and winked at James before apparting down into the kitchen with a smirk. James followed suit quickly, wanting to see the end of the attack. When he got to the kitchen the three girls were all hiding behind Remus who was watching the boys with a Marauder like amusement James had come to know well. Tonks caught his eyes over Remus's shoulder and winked at him once before looking back at the man in front of her and kissing his cheek.
"My hero!" She swooned, provoking a gagging noise from Harry who was struggling to look serious through the laughter.
"Okay okay! Sit sit sit!" Molly bustled around the room ignoring the mini war that was happening in the middle swatting the boys to their seats with a towel. They finally all dropped in their seats beginning to serve salads out to everyone.
"Food is how you get the men to surrender, ladies." Molly said, and Remus couldn't help but fall into hysterics at the looks the three boys gave her.
That evening brought the five inhabitants of the shared apartment sitting in the sitting room, listening to the radio. Harry was sat in between his parents on the couch, flicking through a book, lazily attempting more charms homework. Tonks and Remus were on the floor at their feet, sitting as close as they possibly could, without actually being on top of each other. The four of them were telling stories of the first war, of Tonks's auror training, of times at school. They went on and on in that way until Remus stood slowly, and pulled Tonks to her feet. Lily bit her lip as he did, and the three Potters stood as well. Remus would be leaving at very early morning, hoping everyone would be asleep, in order to make it easier on them.
This was goodbye. "See you soon" as they tried to call it.
He looked at Lily. Her red hair which he at one time thought he would never see again. Green eyes so alarmingly like Harry's, now filling with tears. He walked to her and pulled her into a heart mending hug. She tried and failed to fight the tears that were falling. Harry watched the interaction brokenly, not knowing where Remus was going but knowing it was dangerous, and assuming it had to do with the wolves.
"I love you, little flower." He whispered to her, before pulling away. She walked over and held Tonks's hand in hers. Remus looked at Harry for a long minute before the boy walked up to him and threw his arms around Remus neck. Lily's tears spilled over once more at the sight.
"Thank you, Remus. You're the best-" Harry took a deep breath. "I'll see you soon." He decided on, before pulling away and standing at his mom's other side. Remus and James looked at each other for a long time, neither moving to the other.
"Prongs I need-"
"Moony if you die out there I swear I will bring you back to life to kill you myself." To the shock of everyone Remus let out a boisterous laugh.
"You know, Padfoot said those same words to me… nearly verbatim." James cracked a smile shaking his head.
"I'm just here to continue the legacy." He said. Remus smiled at his friend before they gripped each other in a tight brotherly hug that rivaled every other brotherly hug out there. They separated slowly and looked at each other, no need for words between brothers.
Remus turned to Dora. "Ready for bed, darling?" They both knew there would be no sleep happening in that room, but she nodded anyway.
Lily pulled Tonks into her side, kissing the top of her head. "I'll see you in the morning." She whispered, and Tonks just nodded walking over to Remus and wrapping her arms around him. He shut his eyes, holding her like a life line before she pulled away and walked toward their bedroom.
James grabbed Remus's shoulder one more time. "I will keep her safe, Moony. You have my word." Remus ran one hand aggressively over his face, not looking at his friends.
"Thank you, Prongs. I… Thank you."
He walked toward their room, leaving the three Potter's to watch the door swing shut, and hear one broken cry before the assumed a silencing charm was put over the door.
Harry looked up to his dad. "Tonks'll be alright though, right?" James smiled at his son, who was almost the same height as him.
"She will be Harry. But she'll have a hard time. Remus is doing something… dangerous. It's dangerous. And with Tonks's job she'll always know when something goes wrong, but not if it goes wrong with Remus. And that's really hard for her. But she will be. It may be a hard few days though. For her and all of us." Harry nodded.
"I know, dad. I know." He took a breath, looking at the door down the hall before turning away. "I'll see you guys in the morning." He whispered, walking to his room leaving his two parents alone where Lily broke down in James's arms, hoping that no one could hear her sobs.
Remus pushed open the door to his room, not expecting Dora to be standing there. He gave her one look before shaking his head.
"I don't need you to be strong for me. We're better together; honest and together." And prepared fully for what came next her caught her as she fell into his arms with a shout of grief, quickly casting a charm over the door.
They cried silently in each others arms, sitting on the floor in front of their bed, neither wanting to crawl in it for what could have been the last time together. That thought was too much to bear.
But at some point Dora stood up and pulled him toward it. She crawled in, letting him do the same. She simply lay silently next to him, gripping his waist in an uncomfortable tightness that he wouldn't have changed for anything. He let his eyes close, but the aching pounding in his heart ensured that he wouldn't get any sleep, he knew she was feeling the same way. Within a few minutes he felt his muscles tense, and he knew it was time, the sun would come up soon and he couldn't put everyone through it. He turned his head to look at the woman next to him and felt his eyes fill with tears. He could back out. He didn't have to do this. He pulled her knuckles to his lips and kissed them gently. He had to. She took in a shaking breath and stood to her feet, stumbling for him in the darkness and clinging to him as they walked to their bedroom door. The hallway and sitting room were empty, thankfully. He walked her out and stood in front of the couch leading her down to sit on it.
He looked at her long and hard before kneeling in front of her.
"I loved you from the first time I saw you, and I am not running away. You deserve more, and I am so selfish for keeping you to myself, but I am not leaving until you ask me to. If you claim I make you happy that is all you deserve.
"I will not make you a promise I can't keep. But I will promise that I will love you forever. Wherever that leads us. And I can promise that I am fighting with everything I have to come home to you as soon as humanly possible.
"I love you, Nymphadora Tonks. And I don't believe that our story will end anytime soon." At some point in his speaking his own tears spilled over and fell freely. She watched with broken adoration before capturing his face in her hands and wiping them away.
"You are an amazing man, Remus Lupin. And I cannot express how grateful I am to know you, and to love you. I will fight with everything in me to stay safe for you, for us, for our future. But I need you to come home to me." He nodded with her, pushing himself to his feet and opening his arms to her one last time. SHe threw herself into them, holding her sobs in wel, letting tears fall in silence. He pulled away far too soon and led her to sitting on the couch again.
"Close your eyes." He whispered, ignoring the salty tracks covering his cheeks. She looked at him once more, before squeezing her eyes shut. He walked close giving her a long and tender kiss.
"Keep them closed." He whispered, placing a silencing charm over the kitchen and walking in to disapparate. She remained still, and he knew she knew he was leaving. Her eyes didn't open. He dropped the charm and walked back to the front door. He waited, watching her rest with closed eyes, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. Then before she could open them and change his mind the small pop of disapparation occured, and she couldn't stop the sob that came through her throat, only thankful that Remus could no longer hear her. She opened her eyes to the place he last stood and felt her heart fall when she saw his wand and a small letter, resembling the one she put in his pocket just before he left.
My Dora,
These are the last words I want to write, but the ones I know I have to. But first, I've left you my wand. If you are able please bring it to Albus. He will place it somewhere I can access it if I need to. But that is not the point of this letter. The point is that I am leaving my heart with you. And I want you to care for it. And there is a large part of me that believes I have yours. This means that we must return to each other, because a person could not live without their heart for too long. I told you I wouldn't make you a promise I couldn't keep. So I promise you that I will come home to you because I cannot live very long without my heart, but I also don't believe I can die without it either. That's why you seemed safest to leave it with.
Keep it safe.
All my love is with you. And my wand. And the gift in the drawer in our bedroom.
I love you, in case you couldn't figure it out by now. I will see you soon.
Go open the drawer.
She felt herself give a watery laugh as she reached the end of the letter. It was so Remus. And on their own accord her feet carried her to their room, where she ignored the clenching in her heart at all the echoes of Remus that were left in there. She went to the top drawer of her dresser, somehow just knowing it was there. Sitting on top of everything was a small red box. She opened it slowly and sitting inside was a small gold chain, holding a beautiful pinkish moonstone. Under the lid of the box she saw another, very small note.
it's charmed. it'll beat in time with your heart on my neck, tucked under my shirt where nobody can see it, disillusioned for extra security. Grip in with your hand when you need to remember where your heart is.
I love you."
She wrapped her hand around the stone and felt a pulsing heat. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she quickly left the room shutting the door. From there she picked up Remus's wand in her hand and sat on the couch with her knees tucked up to her chest. Keeping the wand aimed at the door she let her eyes slip closed and didn't even notice when she fell asleep.
Remus felt his feet hit the ground and took in a steadying breath. He had to pull himself together. No more crying. He instinctively put his hand to his pocket to find his wand, before remembering he wouldn't feel that wood for quite some time. But he did feel the small slip of paper that was resting in his pocket. He took it out slowly and felt his eyes prick with stinging tears again.
Remus,
This is harder than it was last time. Because this time I know you are mine and I am not fighting for your love in the same way I was. This feels a bit more like fighting for your life. But that is what I will do. Because I left my heart with you. And I believe I'll keep holding on to yours if that's okay. Fight well, stay strong, remember who you are. You are a man, full of kindness and compassion. Full of grace and goodness. Full of the love of all the people cheering you on. Full of funny stories and powerful DA lessons. Full of joy. Full of love.
When you forget that you come back to this point right here and you remember. Because that is who you are. Hold on to that.
I'll see you soon. I love you.
your, Dora.
As he finished reading he felt the invisible chain around his neck grow warm, and he knew she had found his gift.
In that moment he knew everything would be okay. It had to be.
He walked forward into the trees, pressing on into the unknown, knowing he was fighting for something bigger than himself, and that he had something worth fighting home to; many things, worth fighting home to.
Lily slipped out of her room that morning, not wanting to wake James yet and face the troubles that would hit them all later in the day. She walked into the living room looking at Tonks curled into a ball on the couch, seemingly asleep, holding Remus's wand. Lily sighed gently at the sight. She entered the kitchen quietly, making a cup of coffee by hand wondering about Remus, about how their final night was and about Tonks would be alright in the coming days.
She heard soft footsteps and turned to see the younger woman standing in the doorway, eyes tired and worn, hair brown. Lily motioned for her to enter and very quickly pulled the witch into a tight hug where both held onto each other for momentary strength. Tonks nodded as she pulled away, taking a deep steadying breath and dropping into a seat.
"He'll be okay." Tonks said finally, nodding her head in an attempt to convince herself. Lily sat next to her, setting a full mug in front of both of them.
"He's got something to live for now, and if I can tell you anything about Remus it's that he will always survive for what seems worth it, even if it seems impossible to everyone else." Tonks nodded, rolling her neck before taking a silent sip of the drink in front of her. She pushed herself to her feet, setting Remus's wand on the table.
"He asked me to take this to Albus, I don't like it. I don't like him not having-"
"You know he can do wandless magic right? He's magus imperium, right?" Lily felt like she was doing Remus wrong by telling his secrets, but she didn't want Tonks worrying unnecessarily.
Tonks nodded slowly, looking at her hands. "I knew, well I assumed. I mean he's so powerful, he tries to hide it but I bet he could take even Dumbledore down if he had to." Lily nodded, in full agreement remembering back to the day when both Dora and Remus had their wands pointed at his face. Lily knew that the wand was for show on Remus's part, and Albus knew it too. She still wondered if he was frightened in that moment. Lily just shook her head at the memory watching silently as Tonks left the kitchen and entered her room, preparing to start the day. Lily and James would have their work cut out for them in making sure she didn't make herself crazy with busyness in an effort to forget that Remus was not with her.
James entered the kitchen just as Tonks's door shut, Harry just a step behind him.
"How is she?" James asked walking over and kissing his wife on the head. Harry dropped into the seat previously occupied by Tonks waiting for the answer with intense interest.
"Alright. She's going to see Albus, then going to work. She's acknowledging that it's happened, but she's not saying anything about it really." James nodded.
"And that may be how it goes until he gets back." Harry pretended to be disinterested, hoping his parents would slip up and say something more about where his former professor was.
"James that's not okay. What if he's gone for months? What if he gets hurt or - we can't just let her kill herself with work because she's hurting." Lily whispered harshly, a tone Harry had come to associate with when Hermione got upset about something and took it out on him and Ron. James nodded and set a hand on her shoulder.
"It'll all work out, Lily, it has to." They heard the door down the hall open and Tonks entered the kitchen seconds later, waving at the two men who now occupied it.
"I'm off. Probably just desk work today so keep me updated if anyone sends anything for the order." She dropped Remus's wand in her robe pocket.
"Ought you tell your parents about where Remus went?" James asked. Tonks sighed and nodded her head.
"I'll stop by there after work I guess, so I won't be back by after dinner." Lily nodded glancing to her husband who nodded at the younger woman as she turned on the spot and disapparated to Hogwarts.
"She'll be okay…" He said, turning to look at Lily who didn't seem too sure.
"Miss Tonks, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Albus said when Dora had finally gotten up to his office after taking some time to walk through the empty halls of her old school. She was fighting serious anger toward her old headmaster for sending Remus on this mission then acting like she should be completely fine with the course everything was taking.
"Remus wanted me to give this to you, sir." She said, setting his wand on the desk gently. Albus picked it up and rolled it in his hands, looking at it curiously.
"Remus was only the second imperium I ever taught. The first is Voldemort himself." Tonks watched as Albus held the wand gently. "I was really quite nervous when I realized the power he had. I trusted him and his upbringing, but I saw how it turned out for Tom. Remus, of course, is different. No matter what he may suffer from he is good to the core of himself. He couldn't be evil even if he wanted to be, I believe." Tonks sat very still as the man spoke fondly of Lupin, a man she realized he saw as a son.
"Nymphadora." His tone turned serious and she looked at him quickly. "I have two requests of you, if you don't mind." He set the wand down and stood, motioning for her to follow. "First, I believe today at work you will be called into the head auror's office. There you will be asked to move into a hogsmeade apartment and do work personally for me and the students of Hogwarts. I would appreciate it greatly if you would comply to that request." He paused looking at her.
"Of course sir. I will be working for you, then?" She asked. He chuckled and shook his head.
"I like to think of it more as working with me. I will not direct you, we will work together to ensure that the staff and students are all kept as safe as they are able." She nodded, waiting.
"And the second request?" He motioned with his hand and she realized they were standing in front of the pensieve.
"Every month, on the full moon I want you to come here and stay with me. Remus left you some things that I think he wants you to see, stories he isn't able to tell you right now. Working in hogsmeade will make that easier for you and give us the chance to patrol the schools together in between our memory trips." She felt her heart pounding.
"Of course, sir… I, well… Thank you."
"Ready then?" he asked her, and without waiting for an answer he pulled her into the pensieve with him.
"He asked me to show you this one first." The headmaster said as Tonks spun around and realized they were standing in the headmaster's office, and she saw the four marauders sitting, each with different looks of pain and regret on their faces .
"Oh my god." Tonks's eyes jumped to young Remus who was sitting in front of young Albus, in the headmasters office as his three friends sat around him. They wouldn't move, he couldn't speak. "He's okay?" Lupin finally managed to get out, making eye contact with Dumbledore for the first time.
"He's completely fine, Mr. Potter made sure of that." Remus didn't move to look to said friend, he simply stared straight. A tense silence filled the room, everyone waiting to see what Remus would do. Tonks looked at Peter, James, and Sirius noticing the grief that was filling their faces as they all watched Remus waiting for a reaction.
"What is he going to do now that he knows?" Was the next question, the headmaster almost smiled.
"Nothing will change Remus, he has been sworn to secrecy. He will not tell anyone what he knows, nor where he was. He will also be serving detention for the rest of the semester with Professor McGonagall for sneaking out past curfew." Tonks wasn't yet willing to ask exactly what happened but she was starting to piece it together, and wondered herself if the three boys were facing any consequences for whatever they clearly did wrong.
"Alright. Anything else I need to know?" Remus asked, his voice suddenly hard. He needed to get out of that room, Tonks saw as much by the way he was sitting, gripping the seat edge and clenching his jaw.
"No that's all Remus." Dumbledore said, looking at the boy curiously. "Are you alright?" He asked, knowing it would likely provoke the teenager to anger, but that it would also be healthy.
"No." Remus said crossly, without elaborating. "May I go?" He asked, standing from his seat.
"Of course. But Remus I do ask that you don't say anything to Severus about what happened I think his agreement to silence is fragile and I-"
"Don't worry sir, I'll pretend to him like I don't even know." Remus said, clearly feeling sorry for the harsh tone he was taking with the man who had done so much for him. But without taking the time to apologize for his rudeness, he turned and left the office, walking briskly down the hall, ignoring the calls of his friends who he knew would be coming after him any moment. Tonks quickly rushed after them wondering at what point Remus would cut her off.
"Remus!" He jumped in surprise, turning to see Ellie running to catch up to him. Despite everything that had just happened, despite the untamable anger he was feeling towards Sirius who was supposed to be his friend, despite all of it, Remus smiled. Tonks watched the look and felt her heart clench, it was the same smile he gave her. He really was in love once and it crushed her to know that it was taken away from him so painfully.
"Elle." He said, looking down at her, his eyes softening just slightly from the anger he was still feeling.
"Are you alright? Your eyes look really… sad." He should have figured she would know there was something up. She was observant, Tonks laughed to herself, realizing she would have said something very similar.
"No. I'm not." He couldn't lie to her. He had already lied so much about his condition. He wanted to just be honest with her, Tonks saw the battle he often fought within himself about whether or not he should tell people of his condition.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" She asked slowly, like she didn't really want to know. Tonks watched as she brushed a shaky hand through her hair, big brown eyes rounding more in concern
"No. It doesn't even matter really it's over and I just have to-"
"Remus!" She heard Sirius and James before she saw them. Tonks whipped around to see the two boys running up to the pair, their faces lined with worry and shame.
"Oh for the love of all that's…" He rubbed his hands over his face not even finishing the sentence. Eleanor watched his cautiously, clearly never really seeing such anger present on his face. Tonks remembered the first time she saw him get angry.
"Aren't those your friends? They seem upset." Ellie said, not offering to go, because he seemed like he didn't want to be anywhere near them at that moment.
"I don't even know anymore." He muttered, more to himself than to her, so she decided not to respond.
"Remus." Sirius panted when he finally made it over to them. Without giving him a second glance Remus turned and walked away. Ellie waited a beat before following after him, his long legs carried him much faster than she realized and she was nearly running to keep up, Tonks just a second behind both of them.
"I'm sorry Eleanor." He said over his shoulder, ignoring Sirius who was running toward them again.
"Remus come on!" James was added to the mix. Remus huffed loudly, shocking Eleanor as he froze to a halt, but didn't turn to face his friends. She stopped with him, still unsure of how to proceed in the moment.
"Remus please listen." Sirius pleaded in a desperate tone Tonks had never heard from him or James before. Their usual arrogant demeanors were all but gone as they tried to gain the attention of Remus, who was deliberately not looking at them , though clearly listening to what they were saying.
"Remus, I didn't think about what I was doing. I didn't mean to cause all this-"
"You didn't think?" Eleanor gasped at the venom in Lupins voice. She had never once seen him even remotely angry, and this was a step beyond anger, all of her emotions were written clearly on her face. Tonks felt her own surprise at Remus, he was angrier than she'd ever recalled seeing him too. "Clearly you thought, Sirius. You thought about yourself, and your wants, without any regard to anyone else. Like you always do. You thought. And that's why we're in this mess." He spun to face Sirius, and Eleanor took a step back. She barely held in a shout as she collided with someone and Tonks turned to see Lily Evans standing behind her, eyes wide.
"What's happened?" She asked Eleanor, her voice grave.
"I don't know, but it was bad." Ellie responded, looking like she wanted to give the boys some privacy, but also needing to know how it would end.
James put both hands forward in a gentle gesture of surrender,"Remus, don't be so hard on him. He's sorry for what he-"
"Don't James." Remus then turned on his other friend. "You can't defend him this time. You both live in this world of reckless abandon with no consequences, and if you were so… I don't know what! Someone would have died. Or worse."
"But no one died, no one got hurt. You didn't do anything. Snape is fine, okay?. There's nothing to be upset about." Sirius tried to reason, not considering his words would only make Remus angrier. Tonks watched as Lily pieced together what was happening quickly, and her hand flew to her mouth as Lily realized what Sirius must have done to make Remus so mad. Tonks was about to tell her she had to get Eleanor out of there before Ellie heard something that Remus didn't want her to hear, even though it wouldn't matter, Lily wouldn't hear her anyway. Tonks watched as Lily began to tug on the girls arm, but it was too late.
"Nothing to be upset about?!" Remus was angrier than he'd ever been before, angrier than Lily even figure he was capable of. "I ask one thing of you! ONE! But you let some stupid, pointless resentment get in the way. What did you want to happen to him! Did you want him to suffer every full moon too! Did you want me to kill him!" Lily dropped her face into her hands, and Eleanor turned to her, her round eyes huge.
"Lily…" Eleanor whispered. "Is Remus a…?" Lily didn't look up at her friend, she simply nodded. "What did Sirius do?" Eleanor asked, tears beginning to sting her eyes as she watched Remus suffer.
"He tried to hurt Severus." Lily said, the words muffled by her hands. Eleanor nodded, but didn't move. James and Sirius were both looking at the girls in shock, the looks on their faces was enough to get Remus to turn slowly.
His eyes settled on Eleanor long enough for her to watch them fill with unspeakable pain, he turned back to Sirius, spoke dark words Tonks figured he had never said before, then rushed down the hall.
The four students stood frozen for a minute.
"Eleanor, are you alright?" Sirius asked her finally, putting his own needs aside.
"Of course." It was clearly a lie, but Tonks wondered if the werewolf thing really bothered her, or just the pain they all knew Remus was in. "Its' Remus. He's still the same… It's okay." She was lying, they all knew it, but no one said it. James rubbed his hands over his face, shaking his head.
"I should go-"
"No, James." Lily said, and Tonks wondered if that moment was the beginning of the end of their life long feud. "You shouldn't. I understand you want to help, but let me." He nodded, knowing he was likely the last person Remus wanted to see in the moment anyway.
Lily made moves to follow after Remus when Ellie stuck her hand out and grabbed the woman's arm.
"Lil." Eleanor called. "Can you tell him I don't care?" She requested of her friend. "It's a true statement, and I think it'll be important for him to hear." Despite the pain in the situation Lily smiled.
"You're right, it is important. I'll tell him, Elle. Why don't you guys go back to the common room. I'll help him calm down then bring him back. He won't make a scene there, and you can talk in peace." She turned away. "But I'd recommend working on an apology as opposed to justifying your actions." She didn't look at them as she said the words, her tone cutting through both James and Sirius the same.
"You betrayed his trust, and nearly brought one of his worst fears to reality. Try and understand why this hurt him so much." Then without waiting for a reply from the boys she ran down the hall.
Tonks was back standing in the headmasters office, looking at him in total shock. "There must be more. He wouldn't leave me hanging like that." She said. The older man nodded at her.
"Miss Tonks, you already know how the story ends." He reasoned with an almost joking smile.
"That is true sir, but I need to know how it ends for them then, not sixteen years later!" He laughed, a small chuckle that almost made Tonks smile before he pulled up another memory and motioned for her to join him.
They were standing at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, Lily and Sirius walking towards them.
"It's been three weeks Lily." Sirius complained to the red haired girl as the two friends were walking back up to the common room together.
"Sirius, I understand that you have a pretty one track mind, but you kind of crushed Remus a bit. I wouldn't go so far as to say he'll never forgive you, but he's pissed." Sirius sighed again, shaking his head, he knew he'd made a mistake, he'd sincerely apologized, but Remus didn't seem to care. The four friends still spoke and adventured together, but Remus would never speak to Sirius directly, and usually only responded with one word if Sirius tried to ask him a direct question.
Sirius slowed his steps as they approached the common room entrance. Lily, startled by the rapid decrease in motion stopped and looked at him. Tonks felt her heart jump, as if they could have seen her standing there in the memory.
"What happened?" She said, pulling his arm so he would stop with her.
"Is that Snape?" He asked, not even thinking of using the nickname he and James and given Severus from day one. Lily's eyes followed his finger and landed on the boy standing outside the door staring at it with longing. Tonks followed the finger with her eyes and jumped when she realized she was standing right next to him.
"Oh this is rich." Lily said bitterly. She and Sirius were finally becoming friends, but her closed friendship with Snape was something Tonks figured they would never talk about.
"If I had to guess I would say he wants to talk to you." Sirius said, pulling on her wrist to get them to keep moving. Tonks could have laughed at the look on her face, but she was too caught up in wondering when Remus would arrive and whether they were currently in Sirius's or Lily's memory.
"Yeah well he'll have to keep waiting." She whispered as they got closer. Sirius tried to avoid eye contact with the boy as they approached the door, knowing it would do him no good to say anything offensive; plus the aggressive silent treatment from Lily seemed painful enough for Snape at the moment.
"Lily please listen to me I didn't-"
"Sleeping draught." Lily said the password over Snape's plea's, acting as if she couldn't even hear him. She pulled Sirius into the common room with her, then without a word continued up to the dormitory.
Remus who was sitting on a couch watched her go by, then looked back to Sirius. He seemed to battle with himself for a moment before calling.
"Snape still out there?" Several heads popped up as Remus spoke. Tonks figured it had nothing to do with the mentioned of the Slytherin outside the door and everything to do with nearly all of Gryffindor knowing Remus and Sirius were on bad terms; but nobody knew why.
Sirius tried, and failed, to hold his composure, to mask the shock, relief, and excitement he was feeling by the simple fact Remus spoke to him.
"Yeah. He's been there a while then?" Sirius asked, wondering what he would have to do to keep this conversation going.
"I got up here over an hour ago and he was sitting there. Even had the audacity to ask me to send Lily out. I told him she wasn't in here." Remus shrugged, turning his head back to his book. Sirius rushed over to sit on the couch next to him.
"What do you reckon he wants?" Sirius asked, silently begging his friend to continue the conversation.
"Probably to apologize for being a git. He called her a mudblood a few weeks ago - I mean you were there. She hasn't spoken to him since." Remus shrugged, his eyes still on his books.
"Ellie told me that some of his friends attacked Mary again. Lily won't put up with it anymore." Remus sighed, finally closing his book and looking at his friend. "I mean she's even softening up to you. Next thing we know she'll be with James." A cautious smiled crossed his face, Sirius laughed awkwardly, watching Remus warrily.
"So you and Eleanor then?" Sirius blurted out, clearly feeling nervous. Evidently this was the right topic; even in his anger Remus couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah. She talked to me after figuring out about… well you know. And I just couldn't hold back anymore. The best part is she thought that Lily and I were together. Like I would do that to James. Thankfully she's not the jealous girl type, so nothing changes now." Remus rubbed a hand over his cheek looking around the room.
"And you and Heather split?" He asked, feeling the same nerves as Sirius, though neither would say it, Tonks could see it in every motion.
"Yeah, she's just not my type." Sirius and Tonks watched as Remus's eyes trailed the common room to where Juna was alone at a desk studying. He didn't miss the pointed look Remus gave him.
"Listen Moony, I just want-"
"Padfoot. I was an unforgiving git. You don't have to apologize again." Remus cut him off. Sirius raised his eyebrows in excitement.
"So everything's okay?" He asked, feeling his tense shoulder relax as he realized that things were going to go back to the way they were supposed to be.
"As long as you can forgive me."
"There was never anything to forgive."
The two friends hugged awkwardly on the couch, broken by the laughter that ensued as James pushed through the door shouting to them.
"Why are you lot hugging when we've got a greasy git sitting outside our door. We cannot have this!" But they couldn't miss the grateful smile that was on his face. Everything was back to normal.
Tonks fell back to her feet looking at Albus for a silent pause before throwing her arms around him in a hug usually only reserved for Alastor Moody. Dumbledore, much to her shock, responded in kind and gave her a gentle squeeze in response.
"Thank you, Albus." She whispered as she pulled away.
"Nymphadora, you are the one I need to thank. You are sacrificing a great deal in this war, and I do not disregard that. Thank you for being willing to serve where you are needed and sacrifice things you have every right to hold on to." She smiled at the man before stepping away.
"I best be off then, to meet the head and get my new assignment." Dumbledore smiled and winked at her.
"I'll be seeing you sooner rather than later then." She smiled and nodded, pushing out the door and not breathing again until she was standing in the hallway of the school. She felt tears prick her eyes as she remembered the memory she just saw. The hallways where Remus's heart was crushed by his friends, and where he fell in love for the first time.
She gripped the necklace around her throat, feeling his heartbeat once more, and was reminded again that they both had to be okay.
A/N so sorry for the delay, I did some revamping and editing, but it should all be done now, and after reviewing everything they should be coming in weekly, if not more! Please please please review if you like it (or if you hate it!