"Remus don't you think we've been trying long enough?" Christian was getting tired of working to recruit other pack members to their mini 'pack.' They were all getting tired, understandably so. There were only so many times you could fear getting caught and murdered by saying too much before you were beyond desiring it. Reus shook his head, keeping his face impassive.
"I don't know how to throw in the towel on this one." He didn't. He wanted Dora. Over five months without her felt impossibly long, and even though he wasn't exactly sure of the date, he knew his birthday was either nearing or passed, and knew Tonks's wasn't far off. He wondered where she would be, how she was faring with his absence, what she thought of the stories Albus had shown her… He worried for the Potters, that they would be caught, killed or tortured. For Harry at school, for the mysterious missions the headmaster had mentioned to him only once in a very vague letter.
"We need to move out. Greyback is coming back again, and the rallies are getting crazier every time." Reya was often the last to speak, so he took careful note of what she had said, knowing it was very important to her.
"You think we're in danger?" Hettie asked, glancing at the younger witch beside her. Reya shrugged, her blanket covered shoulder barely noticeable under all the quilting.
"What are you thinking, Reya?" Remus asked her, leaning forward in his 'teacher pose' to make sure she knew she had his full attention.
"There are men, of high authority, they watch us when we talk, and when we go. They never follow us, I've been checking. But they're watching us. And I don't think we ought to stick around much longer if we want to survive this." Her dark green eyes were round with fear, and he reminded himself of her age again. Twenty two years old. A child, really. Never having fought a war, never having known a war torn world like she was stuck in. And something outside of her control dropped her in the middle of the battlefield. She was afraid, and she was speaking from her fear. But Remus knew that some of the wisest words were spoken in moments when people were most afraid and trying to be brave.
"Where will we go?" Lynelle asked, looking to Remus. He took in the ragtag group around him, that not being the first time he wondered what would happen to them if they had to leave the pack. Of course he knew order members would be inclined to help, but he couldn't ask them to endanger themselves by having an angry pack of werewolves searching for the fugitives.
"We've all existed on the run before." Jonathan said, casting a cautious look to Lynelle whose eyes grew at least twice their normal size.
"Now wait a moment." Remus raised his hands, practically watching the young girl in front of him border on full blown panic. "We're not leaving anyone on their own, ever. We signed up to take care of each other, and whatever that comes to is what it comes to. Okay?" Christian flashed him a motivating smile and a thumbs up, and the three women visibly relaxed.
"When is Greyback coming?" He asked finally, deciding it didn't matter how little he really wanted to know, the answer was imperative for their well-being, so it seemed.
"Early April, after the next moon." Reya's answer was quick, and Remus heart tightened, it would be a while before he could go home. Christian sighed, the group quickly losing hope. That wasn't enough time to convince people, but it wasn't enough time to get away without people forgetting them. Remus rubbed his hands over his face, taking in deep breathes in an effort to calm his racing thoughts. Things were not looking good for the group, but that was not enough for them to give up yet. They couldn't give up.
"We ought to go back soon if they've been keeping track of us." Christian said, taking in the somber looks of their friends around the circle. Reya was the first to stand, and with a half-hearted yet encouraging nod to Remus she pushed her way through the woods back to the camp. Lynelle and Jonathan went away next, and Hettie pushed to her feet.
"We all know you have something - someone - to go home to Remus. I don't understand exactly why you came here, but I know it wasn't because she doesn't love you. If you have to leave, you can trust that we will, to the best that we are able, to recruit, and work it all out." She smiled at him before turning on her heel and walking back into the woods. Christian sat on a log, clasping his hands in front of him.
"Do you hear from her?" He asked Remus, eyes cast on the patches of grass starting to grow back from the unusually cold winter they had suffered that year.
"No." He answered quickly, his tone dark. "No," he said again, softer. "We agreed she shouldn't contact me. I didn't want her to be traced…" He shrugged feebly. "I can't imagine she's terribly happy with me right now. It's been quite some time since she's heard anything from me." He shook his head.
"She cares for you so deeply Remus, you don't underst-"
"Why are you here, Christian? Why did you come here to this place when you didn't have to? You were living free. Now you've marked yourself by anyone here who has looked close enough to know your face or remember your name. You can't go back out there anymore." There was no going back from this breach of the unspoken rule. Christian looked up at Remus, locking eyes with him for a moment before letting them trail up the trees to the grey clouds hanging above them.
"They came for me. And I figured I could live within the ranks until something slipped through and I felt it was safe to run away again." Remus wondered if he told Dora yet that he was in the pack, if she told him she knew, if he told her of his plans.
"Where would you go?" Remus asked, leaning forward in true interest.
"Anywhere." Christian whispered.
"Why don't you?" Remus whispered back, oftentimes wondering the same thing about himself.
"Because when my friends and family are fighting a war, the least I could do is hide away in country rather than running away. There's something about running that never sits well with me." Remus thought of Cardelia, and all the things he felt when she left them, leaving them with no trace of where she was. He wondered if she ever thought about them. If she knew James and Lily were alive now.
He nodded in agreement, running away was not an option for them.
"She still writes me you know." Christian said to Remus, whose head snapped up at the mentioned of the woman.
"Dora? Did you tell here you were…" Christian smiled sadly and shook his head.
"She'd kill me if she ever heard me say this, but I think sometimes ignorance is bliss for her. I can't imagine what she would say to me if she knew I was here." He shot Remus a cautious yet sly grin. "I can imagine she must have taken it so well when you told her you had to leave." Remus almost laughed. It was either that or curl in upon himself at the instant pain that the memory of that night caused. Tonks falling into his arms, begging him to stay. He forced himself to smile. Christian didn't need to know everything.
"Oh yes. She made her hair extra pink for the occasion." Christian then laughed, and Remus couldn't help but give a dark chuckle.
"Does she sound well in her letters?" Remus finally asked, starting to feel a but guilty for not telling the younger man that she was aware of his location.
"Here." And out from his pocket came a familiarly folded sheet of paper covered in her beautiful script that stopped Remus heart.
The took it was unusually steady hands, "May I?" He asked. Christian chuckled.
"Of course. There's nothing there she wouldn't want you to see. He unfolded the paper and began to read:
16 February
Chris,
I went to your shop today again. I hate not knowing where you are. I want you terribly to come to my new flat. It's small enough that we could whisper from every corner and still hear each other from the opposite sides of the room. So that's exciting, especially because we were quite certainly the best whisperers to ever walk the Hogwarts halls. But thank you for asking, I'm alright. I wished that Remus would have returned to me by now, but that is not a decision I get to make. It's just lonely here without him. But his family is important to him, and I know that if his dad wanted me to know where they were he would have told me."
Remus chuckled at the thought that they were both lying to each other, and each knew they other was lying. Christian knew Remus wasn't off on some mysterious place taking care of his (dead) family. And Tonks knew exactly where Christian was and why he wasn't in his storefront or coming to her flat to visit.
But on Valentines day James came and gave me more chocolate than any one human could eat ever. So I told him I couldn't possibly eat it all alone, so he brought the rest of his family with him and we all sat around my muggle screen watching films and eating chocolate. I only wish you and Remus had been able to join us. You know it's the first Valentines day where we weren't together since first year. I don't like that very much. So in case you missed the invitation at the beginning of my letter, if you go to the Three Broomsticks they will be able to tell you where I'm staying.
I best be off. Kingsley will have my head if I'm late to work again. Even though I am mostly in charge this time around. I've been sleeping a bit better, thanks, but the dreams are pretty scary. It's okay though.
I miss you terribly, please let me see you soon.
With love, Tonks.
"Shit, I miss her." Christian said as Remus handed the letter back over to him. "Nobody cares the way she does, about anyone. It doesn't make sense." Remus didn't trust himself to speak. So he simply nodded.
"After the moon Remus, can you do me a favor?" Remus looked up at the young man, nodding slowly.
"Go home, and care about her more than she's ever been loved before. Please." Despite it all Remus smiled as the two men stood to walk back to the camp.
Tonks woke from a late afternoon nap with a jolt, glancing outside to see the sun already setting. She jumped off the bed and grabbed her cloak, not stopping to look in a mirror, knowing she couldn't morph even if she wanted her pocket for her wand she grabbed a stray piece of fruit from her table and threw the door open.
"Tonks!" She jumped back inside with an unholy shout, pulling her wand on the intruder. James potter let out a nervous laugh, tossing his hands in the air in surrender.
"Shit James!" She yelled to him, stepping back out and pulling the door closed. "You can't startle a woman like that." She chastised, pushing passed him and walking toward the stairs.
"Tonks!" He called after her. "Wait a minute I-"
"I'm late." She glanced over her shoulder, deciding if it was a conversation she really wanted to have. She turned back and kept walking forward, not turning back to call out to him. "Come on then!" He shook his head at her shortness and jogged down the hall after her.
"Late for what?" He asked when he finally caught up, thankful that she was walking and didn't decide to apparate.
"Meeting, with Albus. It's full moon night." He nodded, of course he knew that, she mentally slapped herself for treating him like he wouldn't. "Sorry." She mumbled, glancing over to him.
"No need." Her pace slowed, and he hoped she would walk all the way up to the castle. "Have you heard from-"
"No." Her demeanor was sharp, it cut him some. He winced at her anger, grabbing her hand.
"Tonks." His tone was harsh too, she stopped walking and spun to face him, her eyes flashing. "Kingsley called me." He said, watching her grey orbs narrow even more, he was not afraid of her anger, but afraid of her hurting herself.
"I don't think that was his place to-"
"I disagree." James said, tightening his hold of her wrist. "Dumbledore may be too busy to see how many times your name appears on that mission chart, but we're not. And he's still alive out there Tonks, and I'll be damned if you let yourself get killed by your lunatic of an aunt before he gets-"
"Stop!" Tonks ripped her hand from his hold, but not running away. "I'm fine James." He stared at her for a pause, his eyes trailing over her body.
"Tonks," he dropped his voice to just above a whisper, "please, just take a few days off. Lily and I can take your simple tailings, King already had Mad-Eye adjust your more intense missions. Stay at our place tonight, after you leave here. Please Tonks." Her face pinched in irritation, but she didn't say anything, instead she pushed forward and began walking again. "It seems important to tell you as well, that if you don't agree to all of this Alastor will likely barge in on you at some point and-"
"Are you all having secret meetings about me?" She asked over her shoulder, but her tone had softened, her anger was dying because even she knew she was wearing herself thin.
"It's called concern Tonks." He retorted, crashing into her when she stopped suddenly.
"Okay." She said. "Can I say at Mad-Eyes instead?" That was the last question he expected to hear, he stalled a minute, feeling his eyes widen. "Kidding." She mumbled with a watery chuckle.
"So you'll come by tonight?" He asked following her again as she continued her journey to the castle.
"Yes, sure." He set a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.
"We'll wait up." He said, and with a parting nod in her direction he turned off and walked back down the hill to apparate home. After a silent pause she turned to watch him leave, considering ways to beat it in to Kingsley that he didn't have to worry about her. The logical half of her brain told her he did have reason for concern, but entering Dumbledore's office cut off her thinking, and soon she was standing before the pensieve, waiting to see what Remus would show her next.
"I'm afraid." Remus and Elle were sitting on the sofa in his old flat, she was curled against his side, eyes closed. He pulled her tighter in to him as she spoke. "I have a bad feeling. I don't like-"
"Don't think about it right now Ellie. We're here, and nobody can hurt you here, remember?" He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"Did you set new protection wards then?" She asked him with a smile he couldn't see. He tickled her side and a mocking growl in his throat. "Kidding." She quipped. "Your arms are the safest place for me." His face shadowed, but she didn't see it. Tonks knew he was likely thinking about the full moon, how he was particularly unsafe for her on those nights.
"Don't be an idiot." Eleanor rebuked him, hitting his arm lightly. "I know what you're thinking. Your grip loosened." He chuckled nervously, tightening his arms around her again.
"What if you can't keep me-"
"Forever, Elle. Forever." Tonks shuddered, knowing that would not prove true, then felt guilty for being thankful that it wasn't true.
"Remus how can you-"
"Elle, why-"
"Git. It's rude to cut people off." She was smiling. He breathed out a laugh.
"My apologies, love, please continue your probing of my trustworthiness and ability to protect you." She rolled her eyes at his sass.
"Well when you put it like that…" He laughed, twisting her in his arms so he could kiss her.
"That's what I thought." He said, giving in to laughter as she twisted on him to kiss him even more.
Falling through time with Dumbledore at her side after watching Remus truly love another woman was something Tonks would never get used to. This time was no different.
"Remus." Lily's cry was broken, and Tonks immediately knew they were back at the days after Ellie was killed. Remus rushed into the sitting room to see Lily and James staring blank faced at a sheet of paper that was crumpling under the grip of Lily's stress.
"What's happened." Remus was already pale, but the looks on his friends faces was enough to take any remaining color from his skin.
"Card…" Tonks's mind immediately went back to Cardelia, the friend Remus said ran away. She noticed how when the group was all together she was never there, and Tonks wondered if that was intentional, if Remus blocked her out in anger or hurt.
"No…" He whispered falling to his knees. "They got her too?" Lily finally began to cry at that moment.
"No." He answer was a moan, which confused Remus even more. He dragged himself painfully to his feet and walked over, slowly prying the letter out of Lily's hands.
Dear everyone,
I struggle to write these words, ones that I am too much of a coward to say to your faces, some Gryffindor I am… But I'm leaving, and by time you see this I will already be long gone, and I am truly sorry to say there is no need for you to come looking for me. I can't do it anymore, I can't do the dying, the fighting. You guys were built for this, you have the spirit for it, but we all know that I would have made a much better Puff or even Slytherin based on values.
Please know that I love you. I have loved you forever, and I will never ever stop thinking about you. If there were any other way for me … but there isn't. Not this time. Stay safe, and maybe when this is all over I can come home and beg for you to forgive me.
All my love, truly, all of it.
I'm so sorry.
Cardelia.
"She's left?" Remus knew what the words were saying, but he needed the confirmation. He needed to hear something from his friends to be certain. James nodded slowly, numbly, draping his hands over Lily's shoulder.
"How could she do this?" Lily shouted in a wildly uncharacteristic bout of anger. James rubbed soothing circles on her shoulder, choosing, wisely, to remain silent.
"How are we going to tell Peter?" James asked quietly after a few tense, silent moments.
"Oh no." Lily lifted her hands to her eyes and cried into them freely. "He's going to be-"
"I'll tell him." Remus offered, surprising even himself as the words came out. James was so distracted by the pain of his wife that he didn't even turn.
"You sure Moony?" He clarified, but his heart wasn't in it. He didn't care who passed on the news so long as he didn't have to do it, there was only so much crying he could take. Tonks would have laughed if the pain hadn't felt so suffocating.
"Yeah. I'll take this and go down now." He said, glancing at his two friends with a heart wrenching ache that reminded him that the last time he ever saw Eleanor alive was only two days earlier, and that he would never get to hold her again.
As usual the pair slipped through the memories again, coming to a much more recent time. Remus had developed a type of system, showing her something with him and Elle, something in between their graduation and the Potter's 'death' and something involving her.
"You know Remus," Lily was sitting on the table at the old headquarters, Sirius behind her pouring tea for everyone. "When I pictured you finding a woman, I never once imagined pink hair." Remus, ever calm, simply turned the page in the book he was reading, the only indication he'd even heard Lily was the pink tinge crawling up his cheek.
"Pink haired, sassy, punk-rock, auror with a nasty ability to think quick on her feet. She must be a power house in -"
Remus wand was aimed at Sirius's face, his eyes still trained on the book, as he turned the next page with his eyes (Tonks was reminded again of his magus imperium, his alarmingly powerful magic inside him) "If you were going to say in bed I would highly recommend you reconsider your next words." Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes and levitating the three teacups over to his friends.
"You've had sex?" Lily asked incredulously, finally causing Remus to drop the book.
"I thought you were supposed to be the mature one!" He complained, aggressively taking his tea cup and taking a hearty sip of the steaming liquid.
"I'm sorry Remus! But you can't blame me for being a little curious as to whether or not you've seen her-"
"I really, really don't need the mental image of Nymphadora Tonks naked with Remus, thank you very much." James pushed his way into the kitchen, shaking his head. "Really, I leave you lot alone for a few measly moments and suddenly we're verbally undressing a woman whose practically our sister!"
"Yes James. Honestly!" Remus huffed shaking his head, and despite his previous speech James let a poorly concealed laugh slip through his lips.
"What now?" Remus complained.
"Well mate, I mean if you really have slept with her we best all hope you don't think of her as your sister." Lily pursed her lips in an effort to hold back her laughter, but the boisterous sound coming from Sirius was enough to crack even Remus's shell and soon the four friends were in hysterics as they used to be in Hogwarts.
"Thank you, sir." Tonks whispered, feeling uncharacteristically bashful after watching that interaction. Her old headmaster merely smiled at her, gave her a nod, and walked with her to the door.
"He is safe, Tonks." The old man promised her. She nodded, not sure what she was supposed to say. She pushed her way down the winding staircase, apparting away (with special permission) once she got to the bottom.
Lily and James were sat on the sofa holding steaming mugs of tea in their hands, both eyes on the door waiting for Tonks to arrive.
"She looks thinner."
"She's depressed James. She struggling."
"She's trying to get herself killed."
"She misses him, James. She's hurting."
"She needs to consider the consequences of her actions."
"He's a prick, James. He hasn't written her since before Christmas, she doesn't even know he was home for that one day. They didn't get to see each other at all."
"He could die out there, he needs to come back."
"She's been saying the same thing all along, your words aren't going to hold anymore weight than hers."
"She's going to get herself killed if she doesn't slow down."
"Shall I drug her tea then love?" Lily was growing irritated.
"Maybe." She slapped his arm. "Okay, okay!" He grabbed her hand looking at her sadly. "Okay." He said softer. "It's okay." He always knew what was wrong, Lily felt her shoulders slump. "She's going to be okay. Remus is too." She stared into his eyes, forgetting for a moment that they were well into their adult years and no longer Hogwarts students.
"How do you know?" She whispered, feeling her eyes prick with traitor tears that slipped out. "You can't know. You can't promise me. We haven't heard anything…"
A pop of apparation sounded out their door and the pair rose to their feet and peered out the peephole.
"What was the first word I ever heard Nymphadora Tonks say?" James called through the door.
"Oh shit, immediately followed by an alarmed shout for Remus Lupin. Why did I say those words?" James smiled at how quick she was.
"Because we're dreadful at standing still while disillusioned." He was opening the door even as he was answering pulling her inside and giving her a quick hug.
"How was Albus tonight?" Lily asked, ushering the younger woman over to the sofa and handing her the warm cup.
"Wonderful, as usual." She never gave details about what she saw, but she had a feeling they knew the general idea of what Remus wanted to show her.
"Do you have patrol tomorrow?" James asked her, sitting on the other side of Lily and setting his arm over her shoulder. Tonks shook her head, shooting him an eye-roll and a smile.
"So you'll stick around for breakfast?" Lily asked, her excitement showing on her face. She had really missed having Tonks with her so often in the months Remus had been gone.
"I think I can. I have to head to the ministry to submit some paperwork, but they won't need me to stay or anything, and if i go in early enough I won't run in to anyone who would stop me along the way to chat about the patrolling…"
"We could cook cinnamon pastries with coffee in the morning." Lily's happiness was contagious and Tonks couldn't help smile at her red haired friend.
"I think that would be wonderful. I haven't had a sweet breakfast in ages. They take well enough care of me at the school, but nothing beats your pastries Lily." James kissed his wife's head at the compliment, rolling his neck in a stretch.
"Do you need any potions for sleeping tonight, Tonks?" He asked her, figuring she would say no, but trying to remind her she needed to sleep. She opened her mouth and hesitated a moment.
"Do you have a dreamless sleep potion?" She asked quietly. James tried to keep the surprise from his face, so he consented to nodding and walking into the cupboard in the kitchen where they kept an on-hand supply of common potions. He grabbed the right one and walked out to her setting it on the table to her side.
"It's quite late isn't it…" She said, glancing at the clock nervously.
"Can we sleep in here tonight?" Lily asked James, her eyes lighting up in excitement. She quirked her eyebrow slightly as she looked at him, and thankfully years of marriage allowed him to get the hint.
"Girls night in the living room?" He smiled at his wife and Tonks. "Fine, fine. I'll get out of your hair." Again Tonks laughed, and James began to feel like she had shown more smiles in that one night than she had the whole time Remus had been gone.
"Good, we don't need your guy scent stinking up our hair." She tossed her long red mane over her shoulder as she said it, and James stood, kissing the top of her head.
"Whatever." He huffed, mocking her motion with his own imaginary hair. "Goodnight ladies." He said, walking by Tonks and squeezing her shoulder. "Love you girls. See you bright and early."
Lily woke up the next morning with a jolt, glacing to her right expecting to see Tonks, but instead catching sight of a torn piece of paper.
Problem at work, be back soon. If you need me or hear anything concerning contact Albus or Mad-Eye, they'll help.
See you soon.
T
"James!" She called, wondering if he was awake, and to her relief he popped his head out of the kitchen doorway looking far too unconcerned.
"You read Tonks's note then?" He asked, walking in and sitting on the sofa where Tonks was previously sleeping.
"It sounds a bit harried doesn't it?" She asked, glancing down at the paper again, re-reading it and trying to imagine the tone with which Tonks would have said the words.
"I think it's probably-" James reassurances were cut off by the shock of green flames filling their fire-place and the towering form of Albus Dumbledore stepping out.
Lily awkwardly pulled the sofa blanket higher around her pajama clas chest, glancing at James who slipped his wand from his pocket. A moment later Tonks stumbled out of the fireplace looking far worse than she had the night before, and then after that Alastor was standing behind her.
"It seems we have a bit of a problem with our infiltration plan, and we need to know if either of you have heard from Remus?" The frantic look in Tonks's eyes caused Lily's stomach to drop a dangerous degree and she almost forgot she should be uncomfortable standing in front of her ex-headmaster and Mad-Eye Moody in her sleeping clothes.
"What's happened? Did the full moon bring problems this time around? DId they find his body? Blood? Heart beat is he at Mungos or -"
"Heart beat!" Tonks cried, grabbing a chain around her neck and clutching the small stone that sat on the end of it. Moody watched her cautiously for a moment before nodding in understanding.
"Wise man." He said, nodding his head. "His heart's still beating, he must be alive."
"We have to get him out of there." She spun to face Albus still gripping the stone, leaving James and Lily to wonder what it was that made her and Alastor so certain he was alive, and what happened in the first place to make them think something would be wrong.
"I have to be at breakfast…" Dumbledore muttered, glancing over to Moody.
"I'll update you when I can. Go take care of your school." Albus nodded, Tonks reached out and grabbed his hand.
"Thank you for coming back when I needed you. Harry said you weren't in when I arrived this morning."
"I'm sorry for the stress this has put you under, Miss Tonks. Thank you for sacrificing for the cause. It means more than you can know to so many of us." Tonks tilted her head in confusion at the sudden sincerity in his tone. "I will see you all soon." He said, before turning on the spot and disappearing from their kitchen.
Moody turned to Tonks and glanced her over slowly. "I'm going to use my contacts to get in touch with him. He's done with this assignment no matter what progress he thinks he's been making."
Mad-Eye stepped toward the fireplace, freezing just before a tentative knock sounded at the door of the flat. James waited a pause before the older man pulled his wand out and pointed it at the door.
"What were the last words I said to Remus Lupin before sending him on an assignment for work?" He asked, stepping toward the door.
"Hurt my girl and I'll rip your throat out. Mad-Eye open the door, please!" The man hesitated for a moment longer
"Who's with you?"
"A friend. From the group. Please!" Immediately Moody rushed to the door, pulling it open and holding out his arms. Remus stepped through the door with a woman before him whom none of them had ever seen before. They were both carrying two mangled bodies, and upon making it through the door the girl fell to her knees and began to cry. Tonks hand flew to her as she looked at the body in the young girls arms, and Remus's eyes jumped to her face.
"That's Lynelle." He panted pointing to the woman in Moody's arms. "I couldn't check… the pulse… I couldn't…" James gathered what he was saying quickly and set his hands to the girls neck. He waited a pause, glancing over her body and taking in the extent of her injuries. He glanced at Lily before looking back to Remus, his eyes falling down.
"Who was she?" James asked quietly.