Chapter Nine: You Are a Gift to This Old, Tired Soul
With several business trips in between, Lena made regular visits to Texas over the fall, winter, and summer of the next year. Sam was thrilled the few times that Lena called to see if they could catch up for a weekend in Austin, and coincidentally, Kara would stop by for an evening or two around then. "Too tired" to make the drive home, Alex would offer Kara the couch; but would sneak into the guest room where Lena waited for her once the coast was clear.
Lena knew well enough that Sam and Alex weren't fooled by any of it, and that Sam had surely mentioned or at least hinted at their behavior to Alex over time. To her credit, Sam had tried multiple times to get Lena to talk about any developments with the younger Danvers sister, but Lena remained as tight lipped as ever. It was the same when they attended college together. Sam was the social butterfly who immediately shared every passing fancy with Lena, but Lena was in many ways the other side of that coin. Very rarely did she vocalize her desires if they had nothing to do with academia and the development of her company.
True to style, Sam made a big deal out of their first wedding anniversary early that summer and invited everyone to visit them at their home. Upon receiving her invitation by mail, Kara was of course overjoyed for her older sister's enduring happiness in her marriage but was also excited to have another perfectly reasonable excuse to see Lena again in just another few days. One that she didn't have to attribute to "Hi, I miss you, can I come see you just because?". Her trips out of town over the course of a year had been a repeated "shop talk" topic while she was at work, which consisted of everything from Kara having a secret boyfriend, to her having joined a cult. The blonde simply endured the gossip and focused her mind on thoughts of those ethereal pair of green and blue eyes she so often got lost in.
Kara rocked in one of the two wooden chairs on the front porch of Danvers Ranch when to her right, Eliza swung the screen door open by bumping its latch with her hip. The Danvers matriarch emerged holding two small mason jars of fresh squeezed orange juice.
"Here you go, baby." Eliza said, handing one to Kara.
"Thank you, Mama." Kara took a sip and peeked down at the small stack of mail sitting on the table between them. Eliza stood back up just as soon as she sat.
"Hells bells, I left that fridge door open didn't I—" The older woman grumbled and went back inside.
Kara spied the corner of a familiar powder blue envelope in the stack and thumbed it out a bit further to confirm her suspicions. It was her sister's wedding anniversary invitation, and it had been opened. Kara heard the screeching hinges of the screen door open and close again as she observed the invitation in her hand.
"Mama- did you RSVP to Alex's party this weekend?" Kara asked.
Eliza sat down with a bothered huff. "Ohh, I'm not going to be able to make that, baby—" She said wagging her hand up and down at the wrist in her usual dismissive way.
"Well, did you tell Alex that?" Kara inquired, choosing a less accusing tone than the one she wanted.
Eliza sipped her orange juice and chose not to answer.
"Mama."
"Kara, my patience will run thin if you keep up this line of questioning. Let's enjoy the morning." The older woman snapped primly.
Kara's blood pressure skyrocketed. "Did you—" She stopped to suspend her disbelief for a moment, opting to give her mother the benefit of the doubt instead. "Did you receive a similar invitation like this a year ago?"
Eliza sucked her teeth and tossed her eyebrows agitatedly. "I suppose I did."
Kara took her time with that. She had just assumed this entire time that Alex had chosen not to invite their mother. Especially not after the last argument that had transpired between them; the subject of which Alex had still not shared with her younger sister, which was rare. They shared everything.
"I cannot believe you." Kara painfully admitted.
"Young lady, you will not sass me on my porch." Eliza straightened and sat her glass down on the table, ceasing the rocking of her chair. She refused to look at Kara.
"She actually wanted you there—" Kara exasperated her realization with a small laugh. "Do you have any idea how much that day meant to her?"
Eliza shook her head as if not wanting to hear any more.
"And how much it must have hurt her to extend that olive branch just for you to ignore it?" Kara stood. The older woman's eyes followed her then.
Kara slapped her thighs and then drew her hands up to rest at her hips, beginning an agitated but brisk back and forth pace along the old wooden porch.
"Why, Mama?" Kara begged, rubbing her forehead as her feet continued to move her to and fro.
Eliza sat quietly before answering. "I have explained to you why before." She spat stubbornly and turned to look away. "And it is not a discussion that I am eager to entertain a second time."
"Does it not matter at all that Sam makes her happy?"
The older woman bristled at that. "Samantha, has been Alexandra's greatest friend for years now."
Kara stopped in her tracks. "They are married, Eliza." The blonde rarely called her adopted mother by her name, but she was infuriated. Finally, after so many years, Kara felt the deep well of subtle emotional negligence fill to its brim. It took every living ounce of strength that she possessed for her not to overflow.
"Marriage—" Eliza stood to join Kara, slower and with additional effort in her old age, "Is a sacred bond between man and—"
Kara was down the steps of the porch and slamming the driver's side door of her truck closed behind her before Eliza could even finish. It'd be a cold day in hell before she'd stand around to hear that mess again. Her hands shook on the wheel as she turned out of the dirt lane to the main house and exited the ranch. Angry tears clouded her eyes. She wanted to scream. So, she did. And then she began to cry. Muscle memory pulled right and left against her steering wheel until familiar roads led her to the front drive of her house. Here at least she had made a peaceful sanctuary away from the world and was where she felt the safest.
Once her boots had been kicked off and she climbed into her bed, Kara pulled out her phone to call Lena. After a year, during any time of frustration or even if she just was just having a bad day, she would immediately think to call her and tell her all about it. Lena was the person she ran to. But now, as her thumb tapped open her recent calls to the long list of Lena's name and number repeated in succession on the small screen, she faltered. She had been so skilled at withholding herself from people for so long… and old habits do apparently die hard. Kara didn't know where she would even begin and with a defeated breath, she withdrew into herself. I won't bother her with it… She thought. I'll just keep it.
Hurt and feeling just a shade of hopeless, Kara wrapped the covers tightly around her shoulders and wept into her pillow. Now not only was she upset with her stubborn, set-in-her-ways mother, but now also with herself.
Hello, loneliness.
Been a while, ain't it?
Lena landed at Austin-Bergstrom airport the following Saturday and a short while later she was climbing into her best friend's car from the pickup lane of her terminal. Sam had attacked her with a hug once she caught sight of Lena in her large sunglasses and high-waisted pencil skirt and just as she expected, they weren't two miles past the airport exit before Sam began talking at the speed of light about the party that weekend. Her enthusiasm alone could power nuclear reactors.
"It's going to be so great- you're going to love it." The brunette finished with a grin that reached from ear to ear. Lena could usually tell when Sam wanted very badly to talk about something but knew that she couldn't. Sam must have witnessed Lena's inquisitive stare from her peripheral and quickly changed the subject before her mouth ran away with itself again.
"Soooo. Seen Kara lately?" Sam asked.
Lena let the back of her head meet the headrest of her seat and halfway rolled her eyes. Purely for show, of course, she didn't actually mind that Sam asked about Kara. Constantly.
"Maybe."
Sam growled playfully. "You're such a steel trap sometimes! Is everything okay at least? Like, do I need to tell Alex to 'sister up' or anything?"
Lena laughed. "Why would you just assume it's Kara that's done anything wrong? You do know she's like a Golden Retriever in human form, right?"
Sam echoed a laugh of her own. "I thought she was a Clydesdale?"
Lena continued with a hint of embarrassment, "Well… something like that. But no. Everything's fine."
Sam looked over and squeezed Lena's hand momentarily with a smile. "Okay."
Later that afternoon once all the guests had arrived, Sam and Alex entertained a few friends on the back patio of their home while Lena and Kara were hidden away in the hall bathroom, kissing frenziedly. Kara's hands were exploring the smaller woman's slender back and her lips were mapping the gentle slant of her neck.
"I missed you." Lena whispered, noticing how the admission made Kara nearly melt. She had said it for the first time during her first trip back down to Austin a month or so after Kara left New York. And again, when she accepted her back up to her penthouse about a month after that… Then almost every time after. Anywhere from a few weeks to a few months usually gapped their reconnections, and she still managed to make business trips to places like São Paulo and Marseille in between. Her company was a heavy hitter in the global marketing and advertising industry and after a few years, she was finally able to act more like a CEO. Lena was eventually able to sit back and allow the well-oiled machine that was Luthor Worldwide steer itself. Her Chief Operations Officer Jess, who was once Lena's assistant, rose in rank as the company grew after having proven her networking skillset and passion for results since her first day on the job. Lena trusted Jess more than anything, second to Sam. Her circle was admittedly small, but it was genuine.
Kara, now humming a low tune into her pulse point, had sought to kiss her absolutely silly as soon as she put eyes on her. The back of her neck felt hot beneath her hands, and she clung to the taller woman with every infinitesimal molecule of her being. So easily did they become lost in each other every time they were together, as if the rest of the world fell away and left them both drifting in stardust. Lena had come dangerously close to telling Kara how she felt the last time she had visited New York, but she had ultimately stopped herself before treading unknown waters. She didn't want to complicate things with passionate confessions and the spilling of emotions, lest she pour herself right out of her rickety little boat and drown in disappointment. Lena remembered that she had made a silent promise to not only Kara, but to herself; That she would operate within Kara's emotional timeline. After settling on that decision some months back, it immediately became easier to just enjoy every moment she had with the blonde.
To say that she was happy would be a severe understatement.
They occupied the small bathroom for another few minutes until strategically exiting so as not to raise any suspicion and found Alex and Sam at the front of the living room with each party guest gathered around in a tight circle.
"Thank you all for coming!" Sam called out to the small crowd. She took notice of Lena combing through the ends of her hair with her fingers as she entered the space and widened her eyes at her knowingly. Lena made an apologetic face in return and listened.
Sam continued, "Alex and I are so happy to see all of you again, it's been such an amazing year, with so much that's happened. We'd like to share some news with you." The brunette's smile was so wide it seemed like she could hardly contain herself as she turned to her wife.
Alex smiled back for a moment and announced, "We're having a baby!"
As the room roared, Kara suddenly grabbed at Lena's wrist. The raven-haired woman jumped slightly; She hadn't noticed Kara standing next to her before then. Turning her head, she took in the look on Kara's face as one of insurmountable joy. Her cheeks ran with tears as the people around them cheered and rushed to hug the couple at the front of the room.
Once an opening was made available, Lena watched Kara move across the room to hug her sister. She followed behind and began excitedly chatting with Sam. Apparently, the couple had started trying to conceive shortly after their honeymoon in Mexico. Alex had spent months reading one negative test after another and had eventually resolved to place her heart in the hands of her wife Sam yet again, who turned up pregnant after the first attempt via donor insemination. Lena was elated, and immediately recognized all of Sam's attempts to steer any conversation away from her and Alex earlier that day. Although Lena was sure it was also a prime opportunity for her best friend to extract more information about the nature of her ongoing situation with her sister-in-law. Sam was patient, but not exactly subtle.
"I'm so happy for you, Sam." Lena hugged her best friend around the neck again. Everyone around them was misty eyed and still offering their congratulations as they moved in and out of the room. Lena couldn't help but feel that everything that had transpired over the past year was fated, in a way. She felt like these were the things that were supposed to be happening, as if the frayed threads of her life's tapestry were predetermined to weave around these chosen few. Whatever great loom was in charge of manufacturing her destiny was doing a hell of a job, and she suddenly found herself wishing that moments like these could last forever.
"Thank you." Sam replied, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye. "Everything has worked out so well and so fast, but it's sort of like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop…?" She said, lowering her voice. She confided in Lena nearly everything, and this was no different. Sam wasn't normally quick to apprehension, and she certainly wasn't what Lena considered to be nervous in nature. "It's good that it's happened now though, because Alex is coming up for her detective's exam and she's really impressed everyone at the station… and the book deal from a few months ago means that we can float comfortably until I'm published again—" She ceased her rambling to look Lena directly in her eyes. "But why am I terrified?"
Lena wrapped her arms around Sam yet again and squeezed tightly. She searched her heart, desperate for an answer not only for Sam, but for herself as well... ultimately coming up short. She understood, and could relate, but it just wasn't a question that she had the answer to. Her steadfast faith in the fates and their loom would have to do for now.
The following week was as normal as any other week for Kara. She went to work and went home, and called Lena nearly every day, especially late in the evenings to wish her goodnight. Hearing her voice on the other end of the phone always set her at ease. Today however, Clark had shouted from across the shop that Hank needed her help with something across town. The store owner and surrogate father figure to the Danvers girls was by no means elderly, but needed an extra set of hands to move shelving or aisles in the store from time to time.
He had asked Kara to come by and climb a ladder to run up a new sale banner on the sign above the front door. She did so with ease, only taking a few minutes to fasten the banner's corners secure on the storefront's eaves. Kara thought it was odd that he had asked her over to assist in such a simple task... Which usually meant a heart-to-heart was on its way. She tightened her blonde hair in the ponytail on the crown of her head with a short tug and stepped back through the door of the shop. The cattle bell above the door rang its hollow monotone call as it shut behind her.
"Was that all, Hank?" She yelled over the tall aisles.
"No ma'am, I'd like a word if you have another minute." He straightened his shoulders as he stepped out from around a corner and beckoned her to join him at the back of the store with a wave of his hand.
Kara clasped her hands together as she walked to the back and stood to face him. Hank's expression was stern and calm. He crossed his arms comfortably over his chest and heaved a sigh, taking his time to convey whatever message he had for her with care. Kara knew Hank Henshaw to be a straight shooter and was typically quick and to the point with his words. He lifted his eyes to meet Kara's then and finally spoke.
"What are you still doing here, girl?"
Kara faltered, slightly confused. "What do you mean, you asked if we could talk—"
"We are talking." He replied quickly, and meaningfully. "I asked you, what are you still doing here?" Hank gestured broadly with his hands in a manner of vagueness, but it was all too telling.
She knew what he meant. Kara's jaw dropped open and shut again a few times in futile attempts to summon words. To say she wasn't prepared for this talk would be a meeting of hammer and nail. She knew Hank loved her like a daughter and that she could count on his council whenever she needed it, but she had also learned at a young age that she needed to be ready for whatever advice or words of wisdom he was willing to impart to her… because said wisdom wasn't always going to be what she wanted to hear, or possibly even expected.
"I—" she tried at first but her words persisted to fail her. Then she mustered a second attempt, "Eliza has the ranch, and she—"
"I wasn't asking about Eliza." He corrected her.
Kara bounced back with a shade of frustration, "Look, Hank, if you don't have anything else for me to do here then I'd like to get back to work." She knew better than to let loose a smart mouth in the older man's presence, but she spoke off the cuff before she could stop herself.
"Young lady." Hank's voice boomed and Kara stopped in her tracks halfway in a turn for the door.
The older man scooted a stool roughly across the floor in Kara's direction with his foot and stuck a gnarled finger at it.
"Sit down."
"Yessir." Kara responded and sat immediately.
Hank was visibly upset, but didn't appear to be angry. His eyes said everything to Kara, and he seemed more hurt than anything. Hank wasn't a man that was known to yell, and he hadn't done so, but after watching the girl in front of him grow into a young woman after so many years, he couldn't help but to want the best things in life for her, no matter what they were. Or who. He loved her fiercely and she needed to hear it.
He drew in several deep breaths and crossed his arms back over his chest to speak plainly. "Now, I know you weren't brought up on the idea of sharing your feelings and such. Eliza, bless her heart, is about as communicative as a cantaloupe. But my dear, she loves you. She loves both of you girls." He sighed heavily and stepped a few paces closer toward Kara. "She is also stuck in her damn ways. A lot of the folks around here are."
Kara's heart was pounding in her ears now. Her hands went back to clasping each other tightly in her lap and her face undoubtedly ran with a ghostly pallor. She continued to sit and listen, knowing full well to interrupt Hank at this point would be inadvisable.
"I saw the way that you looked at Miss Luthor a year ago. I may be stuck here in my little shop for most of my days, but that don't mean that I don't know a thing or two. I know she comes to visit you from time to time, and I see just how much of yourself you're becoming. I see how happy she makes you. Did you think you couldn't share that with me?"
The tears that threatened to make themselves known behind Kara's eyes stung like prickly nettles. The man standing before her who claimed to see well enough, apparently could also see that the young woman sitting just arm's reach from him was moments away from falling apart. He took her by the shoulders with his hands and squeezed gently.
"Did you think that I would love you any less?" His mouth quivered as he spoke, now eye to eye with Kara and kneeling upon the floor in front of her. "I love you more than words can describe, my girl. Do you really think so little of me?"
Kara, unable to hold back the dam of her emotions for a second longer, burst into a painful sob. She lifted her hands to cover her face, where Hank caught them and pulled them into his chest.
"I was there at your sister's wedding, or did you forget? God, for whatever His reasons be, chose not to bless Megan and I with children of our own, rest her soul, but he did give us you and Alex. You are a gift to this old, tired soul. And I'll be damned if you continue to walk through life not lettin' anyone love you the way that you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?" He finished, his eyes not even once falling away from her.
"I can't—" Kara tried to choke out the words but fell short again. She began to weep.
"Yes, you can." Hank insisted, shaking her gently by the hands. "You listen to me—" He continued, "I was there for you when the Edge family took their girl away, leavin' you all by yourself. You chose not to talk to me then, but I am talking to you now. What happened to Jeremiah was not your fault, and what happened to that poor girl was not your fault either."
Kara choked on another sob and looked Hank directly into his eyes. Every one of her hairs stood on end and she suddenly fell very in tune with her senses. It was as if she could feel the bones inside of her body. A small bit of bile rose to the back of her throat and washed over her tongue with a foul taste.
"What do you mean what happened to her?" She stared at him. His expression went from one of deep concern to surprise in an instant. He remained silent, now seemingly at a loss for words. Kara hurriedly wiped the tears from her eyes, and she inwardly begged to have misunderstood him.
"Hank, did something happen…?" Kara began to grow frantic and took her hands back from him.
He hung his head and shook it regretfully. "You need to talk to your sister, Kara." Hank, in his old age, was more and more often unable to police his thoughts and sometimes found that he said too much in certain settings. It was an innocent slip, but a match had been struck and there was no putting out this fire now. A secret had been lit and revealed.
"No, you tell me right now..." Kara began to cry again and recoiled from him when he reached out for her.
The look on his face divulged a long-since broken heart, its battered and jagged pieces on full display now. "Kara honey, you need to talk to your sister." He repeated woefully.
Kara stood abruptly, almost tipping the stool backwards off its legs. She backed away several paces, trying her hardest to convince herself that this was all just a very bad dream. It wasn't until she bumped into a tool rack behind her that she knew she was still wide awake. Her vision blurred with memories of that night and very quickly things began to suddenly make sense: How close-lipped people became when any mention of the Edge family was made. How they stopped coming to church a short while later. Why Eliza avoided anything and everything to do with Morgan Edge and his daughter April. Why no one had heard from or seen April after she had been sent to bible camp.
Her father had sent her away, or so Kara had been told after asking about her around town repeatedly for weeks. April used to climb the trellis up to her room frequently, and this was how they had shared their first kiss. Their land bordered each other, and it was fairly easy to slip across the flat expanse of field in between their homes undetected, especially under the cover of night. Kara also knew that Mr. Edge's wife had left town shortly after and never came back. She understood as time went on that she had divorced him. But she had never heard from April again after that night.
She racked her body with painful sobs and somehow managed to make it into her truck and back home before she realized where she was. Her tears burned in her eyes and her fists clenched with an anger she didn't know she had. The grief had come flooding back and interrupted every firing synapse of her brain. Somewhere in the onslaught of awful memories, she heard Hanks words echoing in her ears and thought of Alex.
"Kara honey, you need to talk to your sister."
Her boots threatened to pace a deep track into the hard wood of her kitchen floor and then they pointed her toward her front door again. Kara was back into her truck and roaring its engine to life again moments later, pointing her wheels west.
She needed to get to Austin.
Now.