So this one is short, but that is somewhat intentional.
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The heart monitor beeped rhythmically, a steady beat filling the otherwise silent room. Gar shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable. The hard back of the infirmary chair was making his back ache and his butt was numb from sitting for so long. If he didn't get up and move soon he would lose all feeling in his muscles and limbs.
It had been two weeks since they had found the girls.
Most of that time for him had been spent in the same chair next to Raven's bed in the infirmary. She was officially in a coma and hooked up to life support. The machines were doing most of the breathing for her, every breath painfully slow. Gar spent most of his time watching her chest rise and fall, praying for the next breath to come. Terrified that it wouldn't. The rest of his time he spent asleep either in the chair, butt on the chair, head on the bed, or curled up on the bed as a kitten next to Raven's leg.
Cyborg and Starfire tried to get him to move, take breaks to eat, shower, and change clothes, but he wouldn't do it. Not after the last time.
For the first week, Cyborg and Nightwing had remained at what was left of the cavern where the girls had been held, working on tracking down Thalia and the League of Assassins with the rest of the Titan network. After several grueling hours, Nightwing had finally convinced Starfire to come back to the tower for rest and treatment of her wounds. Once Cyborg was done treating her and Raven he had gone back to help with the search.
For the first week, every day Starfire would come into the infirmary to sit with Raven, saying she wanted to spend time watching over her friend. Gar knew it was just a ploy to get him to take care of himself, but since he wasn't going to deny his equally hurting friend, he played along. He would go, take a shower, eat something, and change into fresh clothes. After the first day, they both knew that he wasn't going to sleep unless he was in the infirmary, he was too restless and tense to get any sleep, so she never mentioned it and he never tried to take a nap.
Then, toward the end of the first week, he got a call out. Cinderblock was trying to break into a bank or something and with Raven and Starfire out of commission and the others gone, Gar had no choice but to leave Raven and go take care of it. It had taken hours and he had gotten beaten up pretty badly, but he finally managed to subdue Cinderblock and get him locked back up. The scene he had returned to at the tower had been one from many of his recent nightmares.
Starfire was in a ball on the floor, sobbing. Cyborg was there standing over Raven's bed looking panicked and worried and the heart monitor next to Raven's bed was flatlining. Thankfully Cyborg had been able to get her heart back, but was concerned about the amount of time her brain had gone without oxygen.
After that, Gar refused to leave Raven's side.
Even over a week later, after Cyborg and Nightwing had returned, and operations for the Titan Network had returned to somewhat normal. Even with the craziness of recent events dying down some, he still sat in his chair next to her bed in the infirmary, still in his torn uniform covered in dirt and blood from his fight with Cinderblock. He wouldn't let Cyborg treat his wounds (they had been mostly minor anyway) or let Nightwing order him out of the room. He even told Nightiwing on no uncertain terms that he was off of active duty until Raven at least woke up. He would determine where to go from there.
Nightwing had yelled, lectured, and growled of course, but in the end, the green man wouldn't budge, so the leader had to. He ended up asking Kid Flash and Jinx to stay for a little longer, to help keep the team functioning at full capacity. He also set up a weekly volunteer rotation for one other hero to be at the tower to fill in any gaps and catch anything that got overlooked. Every hero from the network had signed up and a couple of Nightwing's siblings had called and demanded to be put on the list as well.
This week they were starting off with Jerico as their extra fill-in. Nightwing and Changeling had both agreed that for the first week or two with all of the tenseness and the raw emotional state they were all in, it would be best to not have anyone who had a crush on or a past with either Starfire or Raven. Which pretty much ruled out most of Titans East. Bee had offered, but Nightwing knew she needed some time to get her team back in order after being away for so long so he had respectfully declined.
Nightwing hadn't wanted to pull any of the heroes from the farther points of the globe because they were all looking for the League of Assassins. He had also grumbled that it wasn't a good idea for any of the Bat Brats to be there for the first week or two because of "reasons", whatever that meant. So for the first week, they picked Jerico, and the following week they picked Pantha. After that Gar hoped they wouldn't have to hand-pick any more volunteers for certain weeks, and could just go in the order they had signed up, but that would depend more on Raven's condition than anything else at that point.
The infirmary doors swished open and light footsteps sounded on the linoleum floor. Starfire entered carrying a tray filled with food that honestly smelled fantastic and made his empty stomach rumble. She smiled sweetly at him and placed the tray on the table next to him before pulling up another chair. Starfire propped her sandaled feet up on the foot of the bed, careful not to bump any of the cords that led to several of the machines that were currently keeping Raven alive.
This was their routine now, she would bring him food three times a day, pull up a chair, and sit at the foot of Raven's bed keeping him company for about an hour or so.
She looked good, much better than she had two weeks ago. Many of her injuries had healed and she had gained some weight back, but she still looked far too thin. Her skin was back to its orange tan, thanks to her spending every spare minute that she wasn't eating, sleeping, showering, or in the infirmary out on the roof sunbathing.
Gar glanced at his orange teammate. Something about her had seemed...off lately.
At first, he couldn't figure out why or what it was until Cyborg mentioned doing a checkup and ultrasound on Starfire since she was overdue. That was when it hit him. In the last two weeks, Starfire hadn't appeared or acted pregnant at all. Sure, she was healing and recovering from her injuries well, but as far as he knew she had had no symptoms. She was at least two, maybe three months along? (He honestly didn't know). At this point in the pregnancy, she should at least be experiencing morning sickness and starting to show, right? At least that's what he thought, he didn't know much about pregnancies, animal, human, or otherwise. But she and Dick didn't seem concerned, though he doubted that Dick had had time to notice.
Of course, he wasn't around her most of the time, since he now lived in the infirmary, so it could be that she was experiencing symptoms but he just never saw them.
The monitor beeped and Raven drew in another ragged breath. Gar scooted closer to the bed (if that was possible) and gently adjusted the feeding tube coming out of her nose. Her stats were low, normal for someone in a coma according to Cyborg. But it was completely unusual for Raven. She wasn't floating, there wasn't a black glow around her body as she healed herself in a trance. Her body was covered in bandages, scabbed-over cuts and wounds, and yellowing bruises. Her pale gray skin was close to white and her eyes were closed. She was still, far too still.
He sat back in his chair, considering her condition calculatingly, something that Gar would usually never be accused of.
"Why haven't her powers kicked in?" He asked never taking his eyes off of Raven. His voice was gruff from disuse, and he had to clear his throat.
Kori looked at him peculiarly.
They usually spent this time in silence, her only whispering small words of encouragement as she left.
"I-I do not know." She admitted. She frowned at her friend's still form on the bed. "The ritual took a lot of power from her. Perhaps that is why. As I understand it, the more power that is taken from her in such a manner, the longer it takes to recover it."
"True, but why didn't she heal herself in the cavern? Why didn't she heal you? There are wounds on her body that are from the fight over two months ago that are still healing, and the woman who never bruises is covered in them. So why didn't she use them? Better yet, why didn't she use them in the fight? Why didn't she better defend herself? Why didn't she teleport away?"
Kori looked at Gar like he had grown a third eye or something.
"Gar, she did not use her powers because she did not have them. Not in the cavern, and not during the fight."
"WHAT?!"
Gar whirled around to look at Kori, his eyes wide. Kori jumped and pulled back, startled by his sudden outburst.
"My apologies, I thought you already knew-"
"Of course, I didn't know! How the hell did she lose her powers?!" He shouted. He stood from his chair, towering over Kori. She pulled farther back, fear and uncertainty in her eyes.
Of course, it wasn't Kori's fault, he knew that. But the logical side of his brain seemed to have taken a vacation.
"I do not know how she lost them-" Kori's bottom lip began to tremble.
"Okay, then when?" He asked, not quite shouting anymore, but definitely at a raised volume.
"I-she..." Kori opened and closed her mouth, searching for the answer. "She had them when we left the tower...she teleported us to the frozen yogurt stand on the pier..."
"And then?" He demanded.
"She began to feel weak and ill while we were on the pier. I do not know why, other than my emotions must have been too overwhelming and powerful for her to handle at once. But that still-"
"Doesn't explain her losing her powers." He grumbled collapsing back into his chair feeling defeated. His sudden surge of anger was gone, leaving him feeling empty and weak.
The infirmary doors swished open, Nightwing and Cyborg rushing in with concerned looks on their faces.
"Is everything okay? We heard shouting." Nightwing said breathlessly.
Gar frowned. The only way they would have been able to hear him shouting and arrive so quickly was if they had been out in the hall, eavesdropping. The reason why was clear on his friends' faces. They didn't trust him alone with Kori. Not in her weakened state without her powers anyway.
Kori stood and smiled at their worried teammates.
"Everything is fine, friend Gar just got upset over learning more about our captivity."
He had to hand it to her, the lie was flawless. No hesitation, no physical indicators, and no pauses in her statement. Even Nightwing who was suspicious of everything, seemed to buy it. He and Cyborg both visibly relaxed at her explanation, which made Gar growl.
"Why were you two eavesdropping anyway?" He asked dangerously.
"We weren't," Nightwing answered simply. "We were in the hallway, yes, but we weren't eavesdropping. We were on our way to discuss something with you when we heard you shouting."
Gar crossed his arms, his disbelief clear.
"So you weren't just standing around in the hall because you don't trust me alone with Kori?"
Nightwing shook his head.
"I had no idea Kori was in here, honest. It's true, there was a time when I wouldn't have trusted you alone with Kori without her powers. But after that day in the mountains, I know that the Beast, which is the one that I don't trust by the way, wouldn't hurt Kori unless she was a threat to Raven. And I know that Kori would never dream of hurting Raven and knows how to convince the Beast of that."
Gar glared at his leader, his anger creeping back into his system. He wasn't going to lie, it hurt that Nightwing admitted that there had been a point when he hadn't trusted him. Even if it hadn't been a secret. He could still hear Nightwing's (then Robin's) words about putting him in a cage, banning him from the team, or worse.
Gar shifted, his anger growing, fueled by his pain from the past. He didn't know why, but he was just itching for a fight and Nightwing had just unknowingly given him an opening for one.
"But the Beast is unpredictable. Most of the time I can't control him, especially without Raven around, and after the past two months, you know that. So of course it's understandable that you wouldn't trust me with Kori since she has no powers and is currently at her weakest, most vulnerable state." He shrugged, looking casual, but there was a challenge in his voice, baiting Nightwing.
The team leader frowned, sensing the danger in his green teammate's words. Kori and Vic watched tensely, their eyes going back and forth between Dick and Gar.
"I am aware of your situation with the Beast," Nightwing said carefully. "But I also know that the past couple of months have been unusual. There have been extenuating circumstances, and considering all of the factors you did very well in staying in control.
"He may be unpredictable, but I think that has more to do with your personality than you realize. You are not the most predictable guy Gar. Yes, you train and might have a plan, but in a fight, I can almost never predict what animal you might turn into or what attack you'll choose. You adapt well to any fighting style, but when it's your choice it's usually a random one that might not make sense to the rest of us.
"And your personal choices," he paused, gauging the green man's mood, and sensing it safe enough he continued, "are almost never predictable either. What movie, video game, or even food you pick varies, and don't get me started on your comic book collection. Yes, the Beast is unpredictable and you may struggle with controlling him, but so are you and while it might be difficult, it's not impossible."
"But without Raven around..." Gar trailed off, less angry and more forlorn now.
"I admit, that does complicate things. You do tend to be more unpredictable and out of control when she isn't here." Nightwing sighed.
Gar stood up straight, suddenly on edge. He gave his team leader a suspicious look.
"What do you mean, "that does complicate things"? Raven's here, she's alive, and she's not going anywhere. Right?" The dangerous edge in his voice was back, this time aimed at Nightwing.
Vic cleared his throat, giving Nightwing a pointed look.
"That uh, was actually what we were coming to talk to you about..." Nightwing rubbed the back of his neck and looked down not wanting to make eye contact with the changeling.
"Should I leave?" Kori asked taking a few steps toward the door.
"No Kori, it's actually good that you're here. You should hear this too." He sighed then took a deep breath before looking Gar directly in the eye. "Do you remember those directives we all made a few years ago? The ones for in case we were injured or killed in the line of duty?"
Gar nodded slowly, still watching Nightwing suspiciously. Every hair stood on end, every muscle taunt, every animal coiled, wound up tight and on edge, ready to pounce.
"Yes..." He replied carefully. He edged closer to Raven's bed, his protective instinct telling him that he needed to be closer.
"Well, Raven's..." Vic began but Nightwing placed a hand on his arm stopping him. A silent exchange passed between the two, ending with Nightwing saying, "I'll tell him".
"Tell me what?" Gar demanded, fear creeping into his chest, its dark fingers gripping his heart.
"Raven's directive instructed that if something ever happened, if she was ever injured so badly that it took her healing powers too long to kick in, to assume that they wouldn't ever and end whatever care or life support she was on. She didn't want to be hooked up to a bunch of machines if her soul was gone, and she always said that if her powers couldn't heal her then it was because her soul had already moved on." Nightwing explained.
"Okay..." Gar trailed off eyeing Nightwing and Vic. "How long?"
'One month, maybe two. Surely she gave herself enough time to recover from whatever was bad enough to take her powers out of commission. Surely she gave herself enough time...' He thought hopefully. 'We can do this, I can work with one or two months. I can live with three. Surely she'll be awake by three months.'
"One week."
The blunt statement hit Gar like a sack of bricks to the chest. His knees gave out and he fell back into his chair. He gripped Raven's hand with one of his own, his other going to his chest as it constricted. He couldn't breathe, his chest felt tight, and his heart ached from the strain of not beating.
"Gar!" A strong hand pounded his back and he gasped, releasing air he hadn't realized he had been holding. His ears rang and his vision was blurry as he looked at the three worried faces of his friends and teammates.
"One...week?" He gasped, coughing and gagging between words.
Nightwing nodded solemnly, while Vic looked at him sympathetically. Kori wasn't looking at him, but watching Raven with tears in her eyes and a hand over her mouth. She appeared just as shocked as he felt.
"Why?" Gar asked, his voice strained.
"We waited this long mostly because we weren't here for the first week, and because we forgot about the directives. When she flatlined last week, that's when we remembered." Nightwing and Vic shared a painful look.
"We decided to give her another week, just in case. We wanted to be sure that we weren't pulling the plug too early, that we gave her powers enough time to regain strength after everything she had been through," Vic explained.
Gar looked at him, hopefully, but Vic was quick to dispel his friend's unspoken plea.
"But I've also been monitoring her brain waves for the past week. There's been no...activity. Ever since she flatlined and we brought her back. She's...gone Gar. She's not in there anymore." Vic finished weakly.
"But out of respect for you, we've decided to wait three more days." Nightwing hurried to add, as though that was supposed to make him feel better.
"Why didn't she give herself more time?" Gar asked numbly. He stared at his mate, his Raven, half expecting her to wake up and give him the answers he so wanted.
"I don't know," Vic admitted. "I do know that she knew her body and her powers better than anyone else, and she was right. After one week all brain activity stopped. Her soul had left her body. We just didn't want to accept..." He paused, trying to hold back the sob that had caught in his throat. "That she was really gone."
"She is not, she is still there..." Beast whispered in the back of his head.
'Shut up! You don't know anything!'
"I can feel our mate's presence even now..."
Gar looked at Raven, taking in her appearance again. Eyes closed, skin ghostly white, cheeks drawn. Dark bags under her eyes, her body so thin that her skin clung to her bones. Her chest barely moved, every breath harder than the last. Every time he looked at her he wanted to cry. She was only a limp, lifeless shell of the Raven he knew. Of the Raven he loved.
He released a pent-up sob, hot tears stinging his eyes. He didn't want to give up on her, on the possibility that she might get better. Not when they had been so close, he had been so close to finally having the one thing he had always wanted but had always been so far out of reach.
Could the Beast be right? Could it really be possible that she was still in there somewhere?
"Gar? We," Nightwing cleared his throat. "Look, we don't want to go against Raven's directive, but we understand if you-"
"No," Gar interrupted, his voice gravelly. "Those were her wishes and we're already pushing it by waiting this long. You're right, we need to respect what she wanted. Three more days. Give her a chance, but call it if nothing changes." He agreed.
He hated to do it, every instinct in him screaming against his words, protesting his decision. But it was the right thing to do, wasn't it?
'You had better be right about this Beast...' He thought bitterly.
"When have I ever been wrong?"
There was a chirping that sounded a lot like birds. There was also a bright light shining that felt warm and embracing.
'That can't be right...' Raven thought. 'There's no sun or birds in Hell.'
She squeezed her eyes shut harder, trying to block out the bright light that was seeping through her eyelids. A shadow moved over her, blocking the light.
Raven forced her eyes open to see what had caused the shadow.
Standing over her, looking down at her with curious eyes was a girl.
"Rise and shine sleepyhead, we've got a lot of ground to cover before you're dead!"
Please don't hate me!
Comment Replies:
Dragonmoon388 - No giving up here! There may be long gaps in between updates, but as long as there are readers who want me to keep going I will. If it's ever taking really long feel free to comment/review to ask when the next update will be. Those tend to motivate me to keep the updates coming. The no-fight part may seem a little unorthodox, but it was always a part of the plan. Same thing with the quick reunion. I'd explain a little more, but I don't want to potentially spoil or give anything away.
Arianne Luna - I'm so sorry, I totally meant to put in a response to your review in the first posting! I had it all written out and everything, and I thought I put it in but I guess I didn't get it moved over, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry to say that I only know some Spanish, but other than that I only speak English, but I ran your review(s) through a translator and got a rough translation (I'm sorry if it's not accurate at all). According to the translator, you said that you're loving the story and you want more. Thank you so much, I'm glad and excited that you're enjoying it and I will keep up with the updates!
Thank you all for reading!