Chapter Nine - Looking In La La Land
"Look at the Hollywood sign!" said an exciting Kirk.
"It just letters on hill," Mrs Kim said. "Now, we have to go and meet Norman Mailer. Have you done research."
"No problem, Mrs Kim," he said, looking at a large creased map. "I've sorted it out. This way… No, this way… Nope, right the first time"
And, so it was, after some more changes of direction, that they found themselves being driven around Los Angeles on a bus tour of the houses of the rich and famous.
"Where Norman Mailer?" Mrs Kim asked the tour guide once again.
"He's coming up," said the exasperated tour guide. "I'll let you know. Now, if you look on your right-"
"Only interested in Norman Mailer," Mrs Kim said. Kirk nodded.
"There are other passengers," pointed out the tour guide.
"They should go home. Worship God instead of vapid fame people. Learn tambourine."
And so it continued, for far too long, until they finally reached Norman Mailer's house.
"This our stop," said Mrs Kim.
Normally the tour bus didn't stop, apart from some photo opportunities, but the guide was happy to make an exception.
Outside the front gate of Norman Mailer's Hollywood residence, Mrs Kim rang his buzzer.
"No answer," said Mrs Kim. "Have to break in."
"Are you sure?" asked Kirk, as Mrs Kim pulled out an oxyacetylene torch.
"We need answers," she explained, making short work of the gate.
And so they wandered along a long path, getting nearer and nearer to Norman Mailer.
"We shouldn't really be breaking in," said Kirk.
"He should have answered. Hope he not naked or dead."
As they made a curve in the path, two dobermans suddenly appeared, barking and running towards them. As Kirk hid behind Mrs Kim, she looked the dogs in the eye.
"Quiet, noise dogs. Sit!"
The dogs dutifully sat down in front of them.
"Good dogs," she said, as she continued on, followed by a bewildered Kirk, until finally they came across a swimming pool, and there next to it, asleep on the lounger, was the famed writer Norman Mailer.
"Wake up, Mr Mailer!" Mrs Kim said.
The writer's eyes opened. "Who? Who are you?"
"She's Mrs Kim," explained Kirk.
"Did you break a vase in my shop last week and not pay for it?"
"No, why would I?" he sleepily said, wondering why he was dreaming this.
"Very well, Mr Mailer. Go back to sleep, Mr Mailer!"
Happy to obey her words and move on to a better dream, Norman Mailer returned to slumberland, while Mrs Kim and Kirk headed back out, past the sitting dobermans and past the broken entry gate, where Mrs Kim left a sizeable amount of money, knowing that what was broken must be paid for.
Their current mission accomplished, Mrs Kim and Kirk waited by the side of the road, ready to hijack the next tour bus.
"Where next, Mrs Kim?" asked Kirk. "Back to Stars Hollow?"
Mrs Kim said just one word.
"Vegas."