The Cabin

A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to post something. The writing bug mysteriously disappeared from my system, and life got to me for a while there. But I hope to be able to write more in the coming weeks!

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Castle checked his maps app for the third time in five minutes as his car crunched up a long, gravel driveway. He squinted against the afternoon sun threatening to blind him, searching around for the house he was headed for. He spotted it up ahead, tucked in between the trees.

His stomach was in knots. This had to be the right place, but… he wasn't sure he should be here. He'd been so adamant about coming out here, about trying to see her. But now that he was here? A sour spike of regret began creeping up his throat. He swallowed, attempting to clear it away.

He parked his car under a large oak tree in front of a small, but modern-looking cabin. It was dark wood in color, with a wraparound porch and three rocking chairs to the right of the white front door. When he got out, he smelled something crisp and a little briny, like there might be a lake nearby. The birds sang in the trees, and despite his nerves, a peaceful feeling washed over him. It was beautiful out here. The Becketts had good taste.

He exited the car and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. He took a deep breath before tucking away his phone and climbing the porch steps. They creaked under his weight, the only indication that the house may be older than it seemed.

The door swung open before Castle even had the chance to raise his hand to knock. Jim Beckett stood there, eyebrows slightly narrowed but otherwise his face was as unreadable as usual.

"Hello, Mr. Castle." His voice was even, unemotional.

Castle's mouth fell open. He hadn't expected to run into Kate's father. "Oh! Mr. Beckett. I, uh…"

Jim stepped out of the house, softly, but decidedly closing the door behind him. Castle swallowed. He hadn't seen him since the hospital. Since Jim had overheard Josh screaming at him, that her shooting had been all his fault. He wondered now if perhaps the older man agreed, by the way he was staring.

"You've come to see Katie," Jim said.

Castle pursed his lips. "Yeah, I have."

Coming to see her - that was quite the understatement. He'd come here for a lot of reasons. Namely, he'd come to check on her progress, to maybe profess his love again, to yell at her for leaving him in the dark, and to beg her to let him back in.

He had such a dark, swirling tornado of emotions clouding his head lately and he knew the only way to clear it away would be to confront her - to look her right in the eye and tell her how much she'd hurt him by hiding away and ignoring him the last month. It had been so damn painful without her. Surely she knew what she was doing to him?

Castle recalled how he'd raged, pacing around his kitchen this morning. He'd been furiously trying to stem the tide of hurt until finally, this crazy idea had dawned on him and he'd grabbed his keys, making a few calls to track down this address as he'd walked to his car. He'd been in a daze ever since, not really sure what he truly planned on saying when he got here.

Now, it looked as though it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Jim wasn't going to let him inside.

"Please. I need to see her," Castle nearly begged. But Jim's face remained impassive.

"She's resting right now, Rick. I don't think it's a good idea."

He felt his shoulders slump in defeat. He'd come so far. He missed her so much.

After a beat, with his hands landing on his hips, he asked, "How is she?"

Jim leaned his back against the front door before briefly gesturing towards the rocking chairs. Castle nodded and took the one on the far right. Jim took the one on the far left, leaving the middle one open. The one Kate should occupy, Castle gathered. He almost risked peeking through the blinds in the window behind his head, but they were closed anyway.

"She's doing better, I think," Jim said on a long exhale. He used one foot to rock himself back and forth. "Diligent about her physical therapy, which is good."

Castle nodded. Kate was nothing if not diligent. "Is she still in pain?" He made eye contact with Jim, who paused his rocking momentarily. Castle knew what a loaded question it was, but Jim took it in stride.

"Sometimes. Not so much from the bullet wound, but from the chest tube."

Castle's eyes cast out over the property. The front yard was sprawling, trees clustered so close together he couldn't see the curve in the driveway. It was quiet out here, unlike in the city. He could almost hear his heart beating as he tried to think of something to say. He wanted to know so much more, but he just… didn't know how to ask.

"I think she misses the city," Jim continued. He followed Castle's gaze out over the property. "It's maybe a little too quiet out here for her. She's used to the hustle and bustle."

"That's one way to put it," Castle chuckled.

"But, you know… I think it's been good for her, too. To slow down. To just… breathe in the fresh air, take things a day at a time."

"I'm sure it is. She's been through a lot."

Jim nodded thoughtfully. "She has."

The men were quiet a moment, before Castle asked, "How did you know I was here?" It had been nagging at him ever since Jim intercepted him in the doorway.

Jim nodded his head briefly at the space in front of them. "Cameras. I insisted they be installed all along the property. Especially since Katie's been staying out here."

"Ahh. I… I think that's a fantastic idea, actually. Really smart."

Jim shrugged one shoulder. "I'm not always out here, you know. I just join her from time to time, make sure she isn't lonely. But with that monster still out there…" He grit his jaw. "Can't be too careful."

"So Josh isn't –" The words were out of Castle's mouth before he'd had the chance to ponder their appropriateness. He regretted it immediately, by the sideways glare Jim was now giving him. "I don't mean –" he tried to add, but Jim held up a hand.

"I don't know who Katie invites here and who she doesn't. It's none of my business."

"You just know she didn't invite me here."

Jim frowned. "It's nothing personal, Rick."

Castle matched the man's expression, eyes casting down into his lap. The fight he'd felt this morning whooshed out of him and floated away in the warm, afternoon breeze. "I just… Why hasn't she called me?" It came out sounding pathetic, and Castle almost wished he hadn't said anything at all. But then Jim looked at him with a kind of warmth he hadn't been expecting. It felt like the kind of look a father would give his son, who'd just learned a hard, but unavoidable lesson.

"You said it yourself: She's been through a lot. Not just with being shot at Montgomery's funeral, but everything before that. This case… it's always consumed her. I never wanted it to, but there was never anything I could do about it. I'd hoped, in time, she'd learn to let it go. But Katie doesn't let go. She holds on, tight enough to hurt, and I don't know if it's to prove a point or just because she doesn't know how to loosen her grip."

Jim was quiet for a few long moments. He ran his fingers along the smooth, polished wood of the chair, tracing the grain. Then he continued. "It's no secret she cares about you, Rick. And I know you care about her. But this… this isn't about you, right now. What she's working through, she has to work through on her own. In her own way, in her own time."

"But I can help! I –"

Jim held up a hand, effectively cutting Castle off. "She doesn't want your help right now. But when she's ready, she'll reach out."

Castle felt dejected, perhaps even worse than he'd felt this morning. Still, he had no answers. But now he knew for a fact that Kate wanted nothing to do with him.

When she'd been shot, he'd been so scared he'd never see her again. Never in a million years did he think he'd be in that same headspace, once he saw she was alive and well in that hospital bed. He never thought that not seeing him would be her choice.

His heart cracked, and it burned more ferociously than he was willing to let Jim see.

He rose, trying not to press his fist to his chest to stem the tide of pain. "Well, uh, if you can, let her know I stopped by," he muttered, more to himself than Jim. He doubted Jim would abide by the request, anyway.

Jim stood too. "She'll be okay, Rick."

Castle bounded down the steps to his car, nodding and muttering an unconvinced mmhmm.

"And Rick?" Jim called out when Castle finally got to his car. He turned, looking up the steps at Kate's father. He certainly understood what that meant. He'd probably be the same, if this concerned Alexis. A father must protect his daughter at all costs. He couldn't be mad at Jim for running interference.

"Yeah?"

"I don't blame you," Jim sighed. He frowned and shook his head slightly. "Katie was going to go down this path one way or another. I don't blame you for any of this."

Castle's chest constricted, cutting off his airway. He felt his stomach twist and then release, like a small pocket of worry had evaporated into nothingness. His shoulders sagged a little, and he nodded gratefully. "Thank you."

The drive back to the city flew by. It was like he'd blinked and suddenly he'd arrived back at the loft. He didn't feel less angry at Kate. He didn't feel less hurt by her actions, or less miserable by her absence.

But he did feel just a little bit lighter. Like maybe, if Jim Beckett could forgive him for his role in all this, maybe Castle could forgive himself, too.