Partners

A/N: Takes place after Bad Santa, 7x10. (And sorry I have been MIA! Turns out, forming coherent sentences while preggo and exhausted should be an olympic sport.) :P

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"As partners go, we're here to stay."

Castle ground his teeth, Beckett's words from a few hours ago ringing in his head like the reverberations of a gong. So final. So lasting. She'd grinned cheekily as she'd shared her poem, looking so full of hope and joy and pride that he hadn't wanted to ruin her night. He'd kept the news to himself, and let her enjoy the party. It had been the right thing to do.

He looked over at her now, where her head leaned against the passenger window. She was humming Jingle Bell Rock to herself, still grinning. It was probably the alcohol. Maybe it was the contentment too, with this life they'd made together. She looked happy. (And he'd ruined it.)

He pulled into the garage around the block from his place and parked in his designated spot. He helped open Beckett's door and held her hand as he pulled her from the vehicle. She fell into him, giggling.

"That was a fun party, huh?"

He pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head and dragged her along. He didn't want to have this conversation here. (He didn't want to have this conversation anywhere.)

"Yeah. Absolutely."

He listened to her recall her favorite parts of the evening as they trudged down the sidewalk. At some point she let go of his hand to slip her arm into his.

Espo spitting beer out of his nose. Ryan losing a bet with LT and having to sing Santa Baby on their rented karaoke machine. Dancing with Lanie. Dancing with him. She'd had a carefree night.

Castle really didn't want to ruin that. But what was he supposed to do? If she got called in tomorrow morning, she'd expect him to go with her. He didn't want to have to lie. He'd done so much of that for so long - she deserved the truth.

They got inside the apartment and Kate tossed her bag on the table. She unwrapped her scarf and threw it on top, then turned to eye him deviously.

"What do you say we keep the party going?" she murmured, biting her bottom lip.

He hung his jacket up on the rack and his stomach seized. He couldn't do this now, not with the weight of his news wearing him down like a craggy boulder.

"Let's… let's talk first, hm?" he tried to say, but Kate's arms were already circling his waist.

"We can talk after," she hummed against his shoulder, and planted a kiss through his shirt.

His stomach rolled, but this time in anticipation.

No. He couldn't wait. This couldn't wait.

He settled his warm palms on her upper arms, trying to gently pry her away. "Kate," he sighed, and it was enough to get her attention. An eyebrow quirked, her salacious grin slid down into a confused frown.

"Castle, what is it?"

He took a deep breath, already regretting the way one word had deflated her like an old balloon. Nothing felt right. Telling her now, telling her later… He didn't want to tell her at all.

He tried to smile, and led her by the hand to the empty couch in the quiet apartment. His mouth felt dry.

(He'd fucked up. This was all his fault.)

"You're scaring me…"

They sat down and he took both of her hands in his. "I talked to Gates, before the party."

Kate met his gaze, and he could see the confusion wracking her expression. "Okay."

"She… Well, she told me some news. Something I need to share with you."

"So share it. I can handle it." She sounded sharp, aggravated. He couldn't blame her. He was making a mess of this.

He licked his lips. "Detective McBride was killed as he was being transferred to central booking. I guess… Because of that, because of who I got involved with…" He sighed. "The DA doesn't want me working with the NYPD anymore." Her body seemed to slump. "I'm sorry."

When his eyes met hers, they were still, stunned. Her shoulders sagged and she let out a strangled breath. "But you helped us solve the case. You're not responsible for what happens after."

"I know. But it's a liability thing now, I guess."

"But surely Gates can–"

"Despite how she may feel about me, she didn't look too pleased. It's not her call."

"But the mayor–"

"The DA contacted the mayor. It's done, Kate."

The tension between them was thick. Kate pulled her hands away, and chewed thoughtfully on her thumbnail. She didn't seem to know what to say. Castle didn't either.

Seconds ticked by, with Kate deep in thought and Castle suffocating with the weight of his guilt. He rested his elbows on his knees, but his eyes never left hers. It was damn near fascinating, watching the emotions play out in her expression. Shock, anger, grief.

And like she always does, she finally landed on acceptance.

"So it's done then. This…" She ran a hand angrily through her hair, her earlier buzz seemingly dissipated. "We can't work together anymore."

Castle shook his head. He didn't know what to say.

Kate pursed her lips. "Okay then."

"I didn't know this was going to happen, Beckett."

Her mouth twitched up in a semblance of a smile. "I know you didn't. You didn't do this on purpose."

He wanted to do something, anything, to help her find that joy again. There was nothing quite as addicting as seeing Kate Beckett so light and full of air.

"Thank you for telling me."

He nodded, then sighed. "Of course. I just… I just wanted you to have fun first."

She leaned her elbow on the back of the couch, resting her head on her hand. "I did."

He watched her, looking for signs she was holding something back, anything. But he saw none.

"Are we okay?"

Kate grinned. Not as widely as before, but it was still genuine, and lit up Castle's chest like a beacon. "Of course we're good, Castle." She leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. She tasted like the rum and cokes she'd been nursing all night, and he automatically licked his lips to get a second taste. "We're still partners. We'll always be partners."

"Promise?" He hated the insecure edge to his voice, the slight whine. But Kate didn't seem to notice (or care).

She placed both hands on either side of his face and looked him square in the eyes. "I'll miss you, working cases. Of course. But at the end of the day we'll be just fine. We have each other in all the ways that matter most."

He couldn't help it. He leaned in and swept his mouth over hers.

Maybe she was right.

Maybe everything would be okay after all.