F/N1 from AC: Thanks to all for the continued support for this story. It is truly appreciated.
I don't own Chuck.
Chuck and Sarah vs The Makeover
Chapter 4: A Breath of Fresh Air
August 2003
Washington, DC
For Sarah watching people was as natural as breathing. She did it constantly and without conscious thought. She entered a room and automatically started cataloging people. Identifying potential threats, looking for drama ready to unfold, and making note of any others who are watching.
And she continued to carefully scope out the area as she stood at the DC Amtrak station, looking for her new roommate. She quickly saw Carina, because Carina stands out in many ways. She is tall, around 5'10'. Her skin is pale and lightly sprinkled with freckles, reminiscent of cinnamon sprinkled on milk. And she was wearing a patterned maxi dress that somehow combined the look of a farm dress and a counterculture vibe. Traditional with an edge.
Carina saw Sarah, and started excitedly waving, then she grabbed the handles of both of her suitcases, pulling them rapidly behind.
Sarah started moving through the crowd. An actual feeling of excited happiness suffused her body. She scanned the crowd and then started internally yelling No! No!, as she watched the scene unfold.
Carina let go of the luggage handles, so she could open her arms up for a hug.
The two scruffy teenagers that had been tracking her quickly moved in to grab her suitcases, and then ran for the exits.
Sarah accelerated her interception of Carina, and recalibrated to move past her towards two new targets. She flicked two knives from wrist holders and flung them into the escaping luggage, their impact catching the attention of the wannabe thieves. Sarah's low growl of "Drop it or die." also managed to catch their attention. Flight became their chosen option, and they both took off running after dropping the luggage.
Sarah was shaking her head, as she gathered up the luggage and approached Carina. "Welcome to the Big City, or like they say, 'The Human Jungle'."
Carina had not travelled much during her young life, and she was too, too excited as she hustled through the station, moving as quickly as she could manage the two wheeled suitcases. When she finally saw Sarah up ahead, she would have squealed if her lungs hadn't locked up at the same sight.
She let go of her suitcase handles and held up her arms to hug Sarah, when things got weird.
Despite Sarah's baggy clothes, Carina could tell that Sarah was slender. Sarah was also apparently agile, and Carina was impressed by how fluidly Sarah moved through the crowd, then past her. Carina didn't expect to see the glint of knives in Sarah's hands, and was even more surprised when she saw them suddenly impaled in her suitcases, which had evidently been grabbed by two guys. Sarah's intercession made them change their plans. Carina stood mouth agape, staring as Sarah wheeled her luggage back to her. Sarah was shaking her head as she greeted her. "Welcome to the Big City, or like they say, 'The Human Jungle'."
As they left the Amtrak station, Carina was looking at everything, amazed with the big city. Sarah was warily watching everybody, amazed with herself. She was amazed that she was opening herself up like this; letting someone into her life. Over the past year Carina had grown to be someone who Sarah could actually call a friend.
They had started out on the University's chatline, just talking about classes and homework. But soon, due to Carina's desire to know everything about everyone, their chats had turned more personal and shifted to other social media sites. Soon Carina knew that Sarah had a troubled childhood, but now was on a career path with the federal government. Sarah was intelligent, and widely read, but reticent to share her thoughts about anything. Finding out her favorite soda (Lemon Lime) took effort and persistence. Carina's effervescent personality made her persistence tolerable, so soon she knew more about Sarah than anyone else.
Sarah knew more than everything about Carina, because Carina was open about everything.
Sarah knew the names of Carina's pets, and the idiosyncrasies of all of her siblings. Her older brothers had taught her to be rough and tumble, and a bit of a tomboy. Her younger brothers brought out a mini mom aspect of her personality, and her baby sister gave her someone to dote over. The one thing she was lacking was an older sister, or a girl her age, to talk about boys with.
Carina was definitely interested in boys, but had been kept away from them, as much as was possible. With homeschooling and no car to call her own, a lot of isolation was possible. She saw that her parents had a loving relationship, but they had been together since high school. She saw the respectful ways her brothers courted their girlfriends, but everything pointed to early matrimony for them. And Carina had other ambitions and wasn't ready to settle down. So, she avoided the local boys that everyone wanted her to settle down with. She also knew the problems that would come with single motherhood, so she wasn't interested in just fooling around with any sweet talker. She wanted someone charming and noble, like in her romance novels. She really, really wanted her own heroic lover. Her regular erotic dreams proved that out. But, for now she has to wait and trust that someone is out there, who will be right for her.
Carina tried to get Sarah to trust that her own Prince Charming was out there too, but Sarah didn't trust any man. Sarah barely trusted Carina, but over a year they had chatted about everything, and she even got to know Carina's parents. Her parents were religious and watchful, so they were curious about this new on-line friend that Carina had made. So, they set up a lunch get together, and Carina's parents brought her into the city. They found Sarah's quiet demeanor reassuring, as was the fact of her having a steady government job. She seemed to be well grounded and sensible. And she didn't seem to be overly interested in boys. All were plusses as far as Mr. and Mrs. Miller were concerned.
Carina's parents became comfortable enough that they agreed to allow Carina to move to D.C. and room with Sarah, for their junior year.
So now, as they walked to their new apartment, Sarah tried to educate Carina on how dangerous the city was. "Almost everyone is out to get you, except the sheep, and you can't really trust them either."
She pointed out the Sharpie's and their games. Whether cups, cards, or nutshells, they were all designed to make you lose. Sarah pointed out the wolves who were interested in all of the young girls, and some pimps who make a business of it. Of course, Carina was distracted by the street performers, dancing right up in front of them.
Sarah shook her head in annoyance. She has got to learn to be street wise. But, ever vigilant, she grabbed the suitcases and blended in with the crowd, her cap, flannels and doc martin's helping the cause.
Carina was somehow vibrating and floating on clouds, as she took in the city around her.
She was vibrating from the shock of being in the big city and the excitement of almost being robbed and watching Sarah come to her rescue. She is so cool. And badass, the way she just flicked some knives out of nowhere and made the thieves run away. And then Sarah just picked up everything and continued on their way, like it was no big deal. She is so cool.
The streets here are amazing, there is so much energy, I know Sarah is trying to warn me about things, but right now I am just taking in all that I can. Like this street musician. How cool is that? He plays and I can just dance, right here on the sidewalk. This is nothing like back on the farm.
She grinned and looked around, seeing Sarah watching from the sidelines, guarding her luggage, and Carina suddenly felt sheepish, realizing that she wasn't being street smart. Come on Carina, you don't want to be a hick that people take advantage of. You need to be more like Sarah and be on guard. She is so cool like that. Okay, let's get to walking, I want to see this new apartment, my new home. She walked up to Sarah, grinned and said, "Sorry for getting lost in the moment. I know you are trying to teach me how to protect myself, but being here is kind of overwhelming. So, thank you. I will pay attention to what you say, and follow your lead. Please, tell me about the apartment."
Sarah couldn't help but smile at Carina's earnestness. She just opens up and says what's on her mind. "Well it is a few blocks away. We are somewhat centrally located, and it's a pretty short few blocks to anything we might be looking for. They also have a good bus system with good student discounts on fares. Between what I make and what your parents are willing to subsidize, it's just going to be a one bedroom apartment, but we can make a couple of twin beds fit, or maybe get bunk beds. It's pretty basic, but it is in a safe building and it will be a nice refuge. I think."
Sarah looked over at Carina and smiled. "You know I have never had a roommate, and over the past year you've seen that I am not overly trusting." Carina had to snort a laugh at that one. Sarah bumped her shoulder. "Hey, I am being serious here. It is unusual for me to let anyone into my life, but I feel like I can trust you. And I think you will help open me up to more of life. I really only feel like I have started living, since I moved to D.C., and it is making me want more." Sarah paused and took a deep breath. "Like telling you that. I don't know the last time I have opened up to someone like that." She looked over at Carina, who was smiling back. Sarah knew that Carina was naïve, but she may just be the breath of fresh air that Sarah needs in her life.
"Well Sarah, I have as much, if not more to learn from you, so I am all in. You support me, I support you, and I think we will have an amazing time together." was Carina's heartfelt reply.
Sarah pulled up in front of a small apartment building. "Well, here we are," she announced. She looked over at Carina and grinned, "Are you ready to start the rest of our lives?"
Carina grinned back. "Let's do this."
November 2003
Washington, DC
Sarah was curled up with a detective/spy novel in one of the library's plush chairs in a secluded nook of the neighborhood library. She had discovered the genre and one of her new favorite places when Carina started working there. It was a part time job, giving her a little bit of money, to supplement what her family provided. And it gave her some real world resume-building experience within the protected confines of the library desk.
It also drew Sarah out of their apartment. She had virtually hidden in her old place, only going to work and school and avoiding unnecessary social contact. Now with Carina in her life, she was being pulled into the world at large and forced to interact with others. She usually stayed in the background, watching Carina check out whatever was going on. Even so, she found herself appreciating more of what the city had to offer. Through Carina, she was learning to enjoy it.
She sensed Carina's approach. "Ready to go? Did you solve the mystery?" Carina inquired.
Sarah looked down at the book she was reading, "The Bourne Identity." "Well I am just getting started, but it is pretty exciting so far." She unwound herself from the chair and dropped the book in her backpack.
"I am glad you don't mind waiting around, so we can walk home together. Now that it gets dark early, I really like the company," Carina sincerely stated.
"No problem, this is just about as comfortable as home. I get to sit and read and veg out, while pretending that I am getting out of the house. It is perfect." Sarah said, laughing at herself. Having Carina around seemed to bring out a little sense of humor.
Carina laughed along. "Yeah, it is a good hidey hole on these cold nights, but come spring, we are really going to go out and do things. You have been forewarned."
"I'll prepare myself," Sarah joked back.
Carina waved to her co-workers as they departed. She still felt awkward around them and hadn't quite broken into the group, but she always waved. Maybe in the spring we can all go out to a club. she hoped.
As they made their way down the street, Carina told Sarah about her plans. "So, I am going to work several double shifts over the Thanksgiving Holiday, in exchange for some time off around Christmas."
"Isn't it going to be weird to not be around your family?" Sarah inquired.
Carina looked down, as she reflected on her situation. "Of course I will miss them. I really love my family, even though I am taking a different path. I think we will always be there for each other. So yeah it will be weird, but I will be fine. I always say I want to be more independent. And besides, I am happy to be here with you so you don't have to be alone." Carina reassured her, leaning in to bump her shoulder as they walked.
Sarah couldn't hold back a smile. "Yeah, it's different, having someone around. Different and nice."
Carina pulled at Sarah's arm. "Hey, I want to grab a couple of things in here," she explained, as they passed a small market. Sarah scanned the store, but sensed no threat from the few shoppers and the clerk. Carina grabbed a basket and filled it with a head of lettuce, and a few pears, oranges and bananas.
The clerk was a young guy, around their age, and he gave them a big smile as he rang up their purchase. "I hope you found what you needed," he pleasantly inquired.
Carina smiled back and nodded her head, when Sarah stepped in front of Carina up to the till and held out her cash. "Yeah, we're good," she replied, a bit snappishly.
Chastened, the clerk quickly made their change and bagged the handful of items, before turning his attention to the next shopper.
Gosh Sarah! What was that all about? Carina thought, as they continued home. He seemed nice enough. Tan, with brown curly hair. Kind of cute. I know you feel like you need to protect me, but, my gosh, I want to meet people. "Is everything OK?" she asked.
Confused, Sarah replied, "Sure. What do you mean?" she asked in return.
"Just the way you talked to the clerk back there. Like you were upset or something?" Carina explained.
"Oh!" Sarah exclaimed, surprised as what Carina was asking became clear. "No, not really upset. It's just that he seemed creepy. You know how guys look at us. So, I didn't want him to get any ideas."
"Oh. Okay." Carina replied, before quietly reflecting on that.
At home, Carina made a lettuce salad, with diced pears, while Sarah made a couple of tuna melt sandwiches.
"Um, Sarah? I know you don't like talking about your personal stuff, but, um, did a guy, you know, hurt you, in the past?" Carina tentatively asked, as she diced the pears to put on top of a lettuce bed.
Sarah paused, as she was preparing their tuna melts. "Hurt me? Like beat me up?"
Carina blushed as she delicately asked. "Or, you know, hurt you. Did stuff to you. You know… touched you?"
Sarah was stunned, as she realized what Carina was asking. What is this all about? She thinks I was molested? Why would she be asking me this? I don't get it. She looked over at Carina, so she could see into her eyes. She found only concern. "No. No. Nothing like that ever happened. But at some of the bad motels I stayed at with my Dad, it probably could have happened. Lot's of creepy guys there." Sarah shuddered at the memories, as she tried to answer Carina honestly.
"Is that why you are so mean to guys like the clerk?" Carina pressed.
Sarah didn't immediately reply. She focused on putting the tuna melts into the toaster oven. Oh! The clerk? That young guy who was looking us up and down? He probably thinks Carina looks naïve, and that he could take advantage of her. It's not mean to chase away the creeps. Is it? Then, looking down she said, "All the guys seem to be creeps. You know. They look at you, and I see this look in their eyes, like they just want to drag you off and….you know… do things to you. It's creepy. I just want to protect you from that, just like I have been protecting myself all of these years. I just want you to be safe, and there is so much you don't know about life out there."
Carina smiled. "Yeah, and I appreciate all of that. I so appreciate you showing me all of the landmarks and sights here in the Capital. I love seeing new things." She reached out and touched Sarah's arm. "But I also want to meet new people. Girls and guys. But you seem to have this wall up when it comes to people, so I didn't know if you had been hurt, you know, in the past?" Her voice softened, as she finished her thought.
Sarah's Dad's voice was clear in her mind. "You can't trust anyone but me, Darlin'. We're family. But everyone else will either take advantage of you, or pull you into their mess, and it will screw up your life. People are to be used or avoided, depending on what is best for you. You can't trust anyone….."
"Darlin' you gotta keep the door locked and the curtains closed. I know you want to see outside, but that lets them see inside, too. And I don't want these men to know you are here. You gotta stay away from men, Darlin'. They will grab you and hurt you and do things…. They will hurt and use you. So don't let anyone in, don't let them know you are here, and never let any man get close to you…."
Those lessons and more, were drilled into her head. And from her interactions with men on the street and boys in school, she saw nothing to make her think he was wrong. Hungry eyes. They all have hungry eyes. And, it creeps me out. No, nobody hurt me in the past, and I am not going to let anyone hurt me now. "I just don't want to get hurt." Sarah softly said. "So I don't trust anyone. Well, anyone except you."
The oven dinged, creating a distraction, so Sarah went about getting the tuna melts out, as she thought more about all of this.
Carina also considered all that Sarah had shared. She really did have a rough childhood. Her dad may have been around, but she didn't really have any family. I can't imagine being so alone. And to be a little girl, it had to be scary all of the time. I have got to help her feel safe. She may know the streets, but she hasn't seen the fullness of life. She needs to know that there are good parts to life. And there are people worth having in your life. I need to help show her about life, while I'm exploring the world. "I'm glad you trust me, I want to help you out however I can. And I trust you to have my back. And I appreciate you helping me be street wise. But I think I need to help you be more people wise, so you can recognize the good people out there."
She just doesn't understand. She doesn't know all of the bad people I have seen. She's been on some farm in the middle of nowhere. But, I guess she did have people she could trust, people who would look out for her. So, I guess she is right. There are good people out there. Like the people I work with. I don't know them personally, but they all seem to be nice people. "I… I guess you are right. I need to look for the good, instead of focusing just on the bad." Sarah harrumphed. "It's just simpler to just avoid everyone."
Carina reached out to rub Sarah's arm again. "Simpler, but lonelier. And, I hate to think of you being alone in your life."
As they took their food to the table, Sarah commented, "Well, I do have you in my life. And, I like having a steady, good job."
"Is that enough? Now, I am not saying you have to get married and settle down. I love my family and my upbringing, but you know I try to be open minded about what others do. So, I support you in whatever you do. I just want you to be happy. And if that includes your own Prince Charming, all the better." Carina paused for a second, considering, then added. "Or you know Princess Charming, you know, if that's what you like," Carina trailed off, awkwardly.
Sarah grinned at Carina, "It would be a Prince Charming, if one really existed. When I was younger, I watched sitcoms, and there were some boys that I thought were cute." She looked down, surprised at how much she was sharing. But, it felt good to talk about these things, so she added. "Although, if I had a crush, it was on one of the dads. I wanted a dad who was caring and attentive. The father on Growing Pains was so nice. He was always there to help. Tall, brown haired, with an easy smile that told you everything would be OK. He just made me feel safe." She lost herself in memories, for a moment, then shook herself. "But for now, I am focusing on my job and building a new life."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I have learned that you are not who I thought you were," Carina confessed.
Sarah sat straight up, in surprise. You just said you trusted me? Do you think I am a liar? "What? What do you mean?"
"When we chatted on-line you mentioned having this steady job, and you were doing well in school, I thought you had it together. You knew your way around the city, and just seemed so competent. I was sure you had a great upbringing, a great family, and you had everything under control."
Sarah listened wide-eyed in surprise. Me? A great family? Everything under control? Yeah, right, I am the biggest mess there is.
Carina smiled, reassuringly at Sarah, as she continued. "But now I understand that you had a tough childhood, and are striving to create a good future, and it impresses me even more. You are such a badass Sarah Walker. And I am happy to be your friend."
Sarah was struck silent. She had never had anyone express their appreciation for her, ever before. Her stomach was churning and her pulse pounding, as her eyes welled with tears. So this is what it is like for someone to care. It feels so good, while it also makes me feel vulnerable, uncomfortable. With no words forthcoming, she just leaned over and gave Carina a hug. She saw Carina's eyes were tear filled as well, and they just smiled and nodded at each other, not trusting their voices.
They turned their attention to their food, and by the time they finished eating and cleaning up, they had composed themselves.
Sarah was sitting on the couch, watching TV and catching up on the day's news, while also pondering how much she had shared this evening.
Carian plopped down next to her, with their popcorn bowl filled and at hand. "So…can we keep talking, you know, about you and life, and… um… guys?"
Sarah blew out a long breath. "You know that you are the only one I can talk to about this. It's weird to say stuff out loud. But, you are right. I need to figure this out, if I am going to have a normal life." She barked out a laugh. "As if I know what normal is." More seriously, she added, "I guess my job is giving me an idea of how to be a normal employee." She met Carina's eyes, and with a grin, added, "And, you've shown me how to be a normal friend. So, I guess I should look into how to be a normal girl with a normal guy."
"Well, the topic of romance has been put on the table," Carina smirked, before continuing more seriously, "And I want to help you be happy, in every way." Carina paused, then cautiously suggested, "I think you may be getting carried away with the all guys are creeps policy. I know your Dad taught you how to read people, but I think in some situations, he taught you to misread people."
Sarah's eyes widened, as that hit her. She had never questioned her dad's lessons. She disdained much of it, because he used it to take advantage of other people. But, she never really considered that it might be incorrect.
"Look, I have 2 older brothers and 2 younger brothers, so I think I know a little something about guys." She paused for effect. "They are stupid and gross." Carina burst out laughing and Sarah joined in.
Carina continued, "They will do stupid stuff, especially when they finally get interested in girls, but they are usually well meaning. I mean, I'm not saying creeps aren't all around, but some guys do try to be respectful. My older brothers each dated a few girls in our area. And they could definitely get obsessed about their girlfriends. And yeah, their hormones were raging, but they kept it all under control. They weren't out grabbing girls or being rude. Now my oldest brother is married and is looking forward to being a father." She shook her head and laughed, "He used to be such an idiot, and someday he will be a dad."
Sarah nodded along, as she listened to Carina's story. Here I kind of scoffed at Carina, when we first met, about her being isolated on a farm and closed off from life. And now she is reminding me to be open minded. That I need to unlearn some bad lessons that my Dad taught me. I need to consider that his perspective was wrong, and I need to look at things anew. Dang, who is the naïve one here?
Sarah took a moment before replying, "I don't know about there being a Prince Charming out there, but you are right. I need to start seeing people, both guys and girls, without the distorted filter of my Dad. Although, to be honest, I have no idea what I am looking for? What does a trustworthy, nice guy look like? Where do you find one?"
Carina laughed heartily. "Well there is a million dollar question that I think a lot of women ask. According to my romance novels, it is never where you are expecting, or when you are expecting it. But, what do I know? I'm trying to figure it out myself. How do I live my life to be open to moving around and experiencing different cities, and somehow have a serious relationship? Girl, I wish I knew myself."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I like the career I am building, and it would be frustrating if romance interfered with that. I think I am going to need a special guy to put up with me." Sarah considered.
Carina adds. "And someone that doesn't mind you taking charge. When you get all in protector mode, no-one should get in your way. You are such a badass Sarah Walker." Carina looked up at her new best friend and counted her blessings. "Love you Sarah. We're going to have some great adventures together."
Sarah pulled her up and was pulled in for a hug. I guess I need to get used to hugging. "I am happy I have you in my life," she affirmed.
As they went about their bedtime routines, Sarah kept thinking about relationships. I am happy to have Carina in my life, but what would it be like to have a man in my life? What would a relationship even be like? I vaguely remember my mom holding me when I was an infant, and my dad hugging me when I was little. That felt good. It felt safe and happy. I guess that is what a relationship would be like. I wouldn't be alone and it must feel good to be held by someone. But that just feels so foreign to me. How do you have someone around that much and not feel imposed upon? I am getting used to having Carina around, but to find someone who I would want to spend my life with? Who I would want to be with day and night? I just can't imagine that.
F/N2 from AC: We continue to see the character development of these two young women. Thanks to everyone who is supporting this story by reading it, reviewing it or following it. You are all the best.