Sabbaticals - 12 weeks

Booth and Hannah had been together for a month now. Every time he thought about their relationship, he had a difficult time naming it. It really wasn't much more than a sexual relationship - "fuck-buddies" as the soldiers on base described some of their similar ongoing liaisons. It wasn't for lack of trying on his part, but Hannah just didn't ever want to talk about her life before coming to Afghanistan. Every time he would bring it up, she would climb on top of him and initiate sex, and by the time they were finished - he no longer remembered the question.

Hannah came and slept with him in his hooch two or three times per week. The entire evening was always filled with some pretty wild sex. Hannah loved to experiment, and Booth was always game to try something new. A couple of times they pulled out his laptop and looked up unusual, Kama Sutra style, positions. They found some of them to be highly pleasurable, but a couple of the ones they tried were abject failures and they ended up collapsed on top of each other on the bed in a tangle of limbs - laughing so hard they couldn't catch their breath. Those were actually some of Booth's favorite times because the uproarious laughter forged a connection between them that had nothing to do with sex.

One night she told him she wanted to try something she had always itched to attempt. She had him lie on his back on the bed and he wore a large smile on his face in anticipation of what she had in mind. She placed her hands on the bed on either side of his chest and stretched out her left leg so her foot was braced against the wall next to the bed. She reached down, grabbed his penis, and guided it inside her. When she had both hands repositioned back on either side of his chest, she took a deep breath and stretched her right leg out so it was hovering over the side of the bed. The next thing he knew, she was doing pushups - using only her hands and well toned arms, and bouncing up and down on his penis. It was almost like a combination of pushups and a handstand, because the only balance her legs had was the foot braced against the wall - and her legs were so wide open it was like she was doing the splits.

She rode him like this for several minutes, and they both found it very stimulating because the only place their bodies were touching was his penis in her vagina, so all of the energy and focus was concentrated right there. When she could no longer hold herself up, she crashed down on him and, with her legs still split wide open, he found himself buried further inside her than at any other time they had been together. They just lay there not moving and then her hips started moving up and down, and around in circles, while she rubbed her nipples against his, over and over again. It didn't take long for them to both to explode. She collapsed the rest of her body on him and neither of them could move for many minutes.

He finally gathered his wits and looked up into her face. "What the hell was that?" She laughed. "I was a gymnast in college. That was a combination of a pommel horse move and a balance beam move. I always thought they were very sexy routines and I've been waiting for years to attempt it." He laughed and threw his arms around her in a tight hug. "Well Hannah, that was spectacular. 10 out of 10 from this judge." She giggled and brought her face down and gave him a long, deep kiss. He took advantage of his arms around her and quickly flipped them over so he was on top. "Now it's my turn. But no acrobatics this time. I'm going to give you the Seeley Booth equivalent of that drink that was popular a few years ago. "A slow, comfortable, screw." And it was slow. And it was comfortable. And she was well and truly screwed.

On the nights she was with him, they usually fell asleep around 11:00 and he had an alarm set for 5AM so he could walk her back across the camp. After so many years of sleeping alone, he loved waking up with a beautiful, naked woman in his arms. Some mornings one or the other of them would wake up about 30 minutes early and would nudge the other awake so they could have one last go round before heading out into the dark morning.

It had been so long since he had such regular sex that Booth was a very happy man. The trainees in his platoon noticed that he had been in a good mood for weeks now - but they didn't know why. But, while his physical needs were being met, his emotional ones were not. No matter how much he asked, teased, cajoled, - he just couldn't get her to talk about her past. He wanted to know what kind of family she came from? Did she have any siblings? Where did she grow up? Did she always want to be a journalist? Where else in the world had she worked prior to landing in Afghanistan?

But he got nothing from her. The only clue was the night she mentioned having been a gymnast in college. Booth was starting to realize that he was in a Bones' type of relationship - one that was only about the sex and satisfying biological urges. And he didn't like it one bit. He wanted so badly to share with her that he had a 9 year old son. That he lived in Washington DC and was a well respected FBI Special Agent. That he loved to play and watch hockey. But if she wouldn't open her life to him, how could he be expected to open his heart and his life to her?

They lay together entwined on his bed and he looked over at the clock. It was 10:30 and he reminded her that she needed to leave by 11:00 to go back to her quarters. She was leaving at 6AM the next morning to travel with a couple of her fellow journalists to the Iraq-Syrian border for a special interview and would be gone several days. Because she had such an early start, they decided that she needed to go back to her quarters and get a good night's sleep.

He knew there wasn't time for her to try and distract him, so he decided to try again. "Hannah. Can I ask you a question?" She snuggled into him. "Mmmmm. Depends on the question." He decided to go for it. "Why won't you ever talk about your past? Your family? Where you grew up? Your hopes and dreams as a child?" As each question left his lips, he could feel her pulling away from him in tiny increments. "Seeley, you have to know me well enough by now to understand that I only live in the present. The past is in the past and the future may never happen. So I don't regret anything from the past and I don't worry about the future. The only thing that matter is right here, right now."

Booth sat up and looked down at her with sad eyes. "I can't understand that thinking Hannah. The past is what formed me to be the person I am. I have some family members who are precious to me. I understand how important it is to live in the present, but I have such big hopes and dreams for the future." As he finished talking, her eyes darted away from his and she sat up and started getting dressed. "We really don't have time for this right now Seeley. Maybe we can have a conversation when I return."

He got dressed and walked with her to the door. "Do you want me to walk you home?" She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Thank you though." She reached up and gave him a long, lingering kiss goodbye. "I'll see you in a few days."

He stood in the doorway and watched her walk in the direction of the quarters where the civilians were housed. After closing the door, he started to walk past the small built in desk area and stopped to look at the photos pinned to the wall above the desk. There was one of Parker, one of Pops, and one of the two Booth brothers with their arms over each other's shoulders. Hannah had never asked who the people were in the photos. He had been paying attention the last couple of weeks and found that she never looked that way when walking to and from the door. It was almost like she had noticed the photos, but didn't want to call attention to them because she didn't want to know.

He decided that this had to end. When she returned to the base, they would have a serious talk about where this relationship was headed. He wasn't like Bones. He couldn't carry on a simply sexual relationship for very long. In fact, four weeks was well past his comfort zone, and he needed to know that this was going somewhere. He wanted a partner who wanted to share his life. The good. The bad. His son. His grandfather. His brother. Well, his brother was a wild card. He chuckled to himself that getting along with his brother was negotiable. He figured he had a couple of days to think about how to approach this important conversation.

Before turning in for the night, he decided to check and see if he had any emails from Parker. As his inbox opened, he was shocked to see the name "Dr Temperance Brennan". The subject of the email was "Hi Booth". His stomach lurched and his hand started shaking. He had to sit and stare at the screen for a minute to regain his composure. He took a deep breath and clicked on the email.

Hi Booth -

I hope things are going well for you and that you are keeping safe. The project here in Maluku has been quite fruitful thus far, and we are excited about what we are finding.

When I accepted the offer to lead this prestigious project, part of the reason I took it was that I needed some time to process my feelings after that night in front of the Hoover Building. In the following couple of months, I was feeling a strain in our relationship. The fact that you received the request from the military at the same time, it seemed like a good opportunity for both of us to have the time and space to decide where to go from here. That's the reason I hadn't planned to initiate any correspondence with you while we were both away. It just seemed the right way to handle this.

But, as you see, I've changed my mind.

Booth, the night you asked me to give "us" a shot, you don't know how badly I wanted to say yes. For the last couple of years, I've known that I was in love with you. But you know that I didn't believe that love was permanent - that the chemical reaction in the brain would fade over time. That's why I could never acknowledge my feelings to myself, much less to you. Jumping into a romantic relationship with you, knowing that the feelings had an expiration date, would ruin the close friendship we have, and surely destroy the partnership we both value so much.

That is the reason I said no that night. I was terrified that jumping into that relationship was doomed. That the feelings would last just so long and then we would both be left with nothing. When you immediately said that you had to move on, I accepted it because I want so badly for you to have the life I know you desire.

In my time here in Maluku, I've befriended my project co-lead, Mary Davies. Mary and her husband have had a very happy marriage for 25 years, and Mary and I have had a series of conversations on the subject of how love can be a temporary state, but how it can also be lasting. Because Mary is also a scientist, we were able to discuss it on a scientific level, and she was able to help me see that the concepts you tried to teach me about love could coexist with the science.

So, I'm writing this to say to you what I haven't had the courage to say before:

I'm in love with you Booth.

I long to have that romantic relationship with you. And not just try, because I have faith that we will make a success of it. See, you've taught me about faith too. I've always had faith in you. Now I have faith in us. And another thing you exposed me to - one night we watched one of those space movies you love so much. One of the characters said something I've always remembered. "Do or do not. There is no try." I don't want to try - I want to do.

I made this decision in the last few days, but I felt like it was a conversation that would need to wait until we could discuss it face to face - by the coffee cart on the Mall. But talking to Mary and Angela, they convinced me that it was a conversation that couldn't wait another nine months. Angela reminded me of another movie quote from a movie she and I watched together. "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." And Booth, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

(You see Booth - you, Angela, and now Mary have taught me so much about life - life lessons that foster care and college never taught me.)

I don't know how you're feeling now, five months after that night. I know you said you loved me that night, but perhaps my rejection of your proposal revealed to you that the love you had for me was the temporary kind - strictly chemical. But my hope is that it's the real thing and that it still burns inside you. My fear is that I hurt you so badly that you no longer want an "us".

So, this email is a leap of faith. I know that this requires a real conversation and not a series of emails. If you want to have that conversation, I'm hoping you have the ability to make video calls? Please let me know if you can - and want to - have this conversation. As I finish writing this email, I'm so nervous. Booth, I have never wanted anything more in my life than to hear back from you and to hear you also want to - not try, but do.

I anxiously await your reply.

Love,

Bones