I am so sorry it took me so long to update. My life got crazy there for a moment and this chapter was a bit too intense and needed to be reworked. Thanks to Boxerz32 for helping me get it to a much better place.
As an apology, I will post this extra long chapter! So grab some coffee, buckle in, and get ready for a ride.
June 27
4 Months, 3 Weeks, 3 Days
Size: Mango
LORELAI POV
Peeking over my shoulder, I take one last cursory glance around the deserted alley before opening the door and sliding through. Behind the curtain, the diner is silent, most likely due to a mid-afternoon lull. Perfect. I make my way up the stairs and begin rifling through my keys, looking for the one to open the door at the top of the stairs that I never could get myself to return, but when I make it to the top, I'm greeted by an open door.
Surprised by the sight, I freeze. There's a single path weaving through Luke's apartment and each side is flanked with a wall of vertical moving boxes.
Here's the thing, I know Luke. I know when he's off and I know when he's sincere. That moment after the ultrasound when he told me he'd be there for me and twins - he was sincere. Certainly there's no way he's planning on moving away, right?
But then again, maybe I don't know Luke at all. Once upon a time, Luke had confided in me. He'd tell me all his thoughts and then somewhere along the way, that changed. Important, life changing secrets were kept locked away for months, only for me to stumble upon them by accident. Promises were made and broken without a blink of an eye.
Luke hates change.
But then again, he isn't the same man I once knew. This crap action perfectly meets his new persona.
But what about the doctor's appointment? He was still Luke then and I had hoped that we could… I shake my head to clear it. Whatever. The kids and I will be fine. So what if he had been thrilled at the sight of the ultrasound at the doctor's appointment? So what if he stood in the parking lot and insisted that I call him if I needed anything?
Obviously, it meant nothing.
"It's okay, Leopold and Loeb," I whisper, rubbing my stomach protectively. "We'll be just fine."
In fact, it may even be easier if he isn't in our lives.
"Lorelai?"
Somewhere along the way I must have spaced out, because when I look up, I find a confused Luke standing between the two rows of boxes, a dish towel in his hand.
"What's going on here?" I ask, trying to stay positive as Luke makes his way toward me. "What's with all the boxes?"
"Oh. I'm moving."
I shut up at that, blinking my eyes in confusion at his nonchalance of it all.
"You know that house on the edge of town over on Peach where you turn to get to the Dragonfly? The yellow house that looks like it's falling down with all those weeds in the front yard?" I nod dumbly. "Yeah. I bought it," He chuckles as though even he can't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He looks down at his hands and dries them fully with the towel before looking back up at me. "I don't know if I told you or not, but my grandfather built it for his family when he and my grandmother moved into town. And then my parents moved us all into it when my dad's parents passed. By the time my Dad passed, Liz had already followed the Hot Dog King to New York and it was too big of a house for just me. I sold the house, gave Liz her half of the profits and used my half to open the diner. And then out of nowhere, Taylor was talking about how he and the town elders were talking about tearing it down. So I bought it."
My brow wrinkles in confusion. "You what?"
He walks away from me casually, back through the maze of boxes into his apartment. I follow after him, looking around at the space for perhaps the last time, noticing that this time, not only is Luke moving, but so is his stuff.
"So you bought it? Just like that?" I snap my fingers. "It used to take you two weeks to buy a t-shirt that you wear underneath your flannel."
Of course, my statement makes absolutely no sense considering he's in a gray t-shirt and a pair of jeans in his apartment right now. No t-shirt is hidden beneath a flannel right now.
He nods and tosses the towel on the counter. "I was only going to fix it up and then sell it or rent it out, but with April getting older, I thought she'd probably like to have her own door. And with the twins, I thought more space would be nice. Plus, I like the idea of raising them in the house their great grandfather built."
His sentiment is so incredibly Luke and thoughtful that my heart warms within my chest despite how unLukelike moving is. This man despises change just as much as I despise shaving day and the fact that he's moving into a new house and happy about two new babies is mind boggling. Instead of wearing him down and stressing him, it's as if the entire news of us having kids is giving him life.
He's no longer sluggish and beaten down, he's full of energy and if I dare say so, peppy. He's insistent on being kind toward me, talking to me without hesitation, offering help. He's Luke.
"The inside is nearly finished," he continues. "I'll move in soon and then we'll get to work on the outside."
I nod my understanding. I know the house he's referencing, I drive by it everyday on the way to work.
Friends, it's a pit, a great contender for Halloween's Haunted House.
The truth of the matter is that I've never seen that house look nice. By the time Rory and I moved into town, it was already rundown. I'm not certain I'm going to let him take my kids back there when they're born, but we still have months to deal with this.
"Wow, I can't believe you're moving. I thought the only way to get you out of this apartment was in a casket."
"Yeah, well, things change," He gives me a small, sad smile and motions to the table as he takes a seat. "Take a seat," He leans his forearms against it and looks directly at me once again. "You thought I was moving away, didn't you?" he asks, a soft smile curling up on the edges of his lips. "I could tell by how tight your shoulders were and that far away look you get."
"No," I try to laugh it off, embarrassed he can still read me so easily. "You said you wouldn't leave me to do it alone-"
"Yeah, at the appointment and at Martha's Vineyard," He nods. "And I won't."
At the mention of that night, I close my eyes as memories come into focus. Despite him claiming he remembered that night, I had doubted him, so hearing the words from his mouth means a lot. Our night together at Martha's Vineyard had been so incredibly romantic and intense between the two of us that if I'm being completely honest, I'm not totally surprised I got pregnant. Somewhere in the middle of our love making things changed between us. It became less about scratching an itch, and more about starting a family together. I should have known I was pregnant. It was foolish of me to not have known. When we came back from vacation and Luke fell right back to where he was with me and April, I felt like I had been slapped across the face. That's what started the downward spiral.
When I open my eyes to look at him, I still say nothing, so he shakes his head, stands to his feet and goes to the refrigerator. "How are you doing? How do you feel? Are you eating?"
"I'm feeling about as well as I can. I'm trying to eat, but food isn't staying down real well, but I'm doing better."
He pulls two bottles of water from the fridge.
And then I remember that I was the one who welcomed myself into his apartment. We're not just two friends catching up, I'm here for a reason.
"Listen, Luke, I wanted to let you know that I've told everyone of importance in my life about the pregnancy."
He stumbles to the table, takes a seat and looks at me. "Oh."
"Yeah. Rory, Mom and Dad, Sookie, and," I pause, wondering where to go with the end of my sentence. Had I been smart, I would have ended it with Sookie. As it hangs out there, it's obvious who my last person is. Luke forces himself to not roll his eyes and then paints a neutral expression on his face as I go on, "Everyone important to me. How about you? Have you told your people yet?"
He hands me a water and then finds the wrapper on his water bottle immensely interesting, "How did your parents take it?"
"Ah well," I hem-haw and give him a sad small smile when he looks up at me. I'll never tell him truthfully how it went. It would hurt him. "You know, typical Gilmore fashion. The world would end if I were to actually go into that house, have a friendly conversation, and have a Full House moment with them."
He nods but stays silent, not needing me to fill in the blanks.
To say my parents took it badly would be an understatement. I've spent the last few days debating whether they took news of my pregnancy this time around worse than when they found out I was pregnant at sixteen. It's a toss up. Mom started crying instantly and Dad retreated into his office for the remainder of the night. Naturally, Mom and I ended up fighting. We didn't start there, but when she casually suggested I give the twins up for adoption, there was no way to stop the scream fest that ensued. Had I actually been mature, I would have given her a moment to take back what she said, because the moment the words escaped her lips, she looked just as horrified by the suggestion as I was.
But I'm not mature.
I blew up and nothing Rory or Chris said could calm me down. I never thought I'd hear those words from my mom, that she could be so callus and shallow to suggest I give up my kids just because their dad is a diner owner. After her suggestion, I'm not sure I'll ever talk to her again. Friday night dinners are out as far as I'm concerned.
The fact is, she's heartbroken because she nearly had me where she wanted me, with a man of high social standing (at least in her eyes), and I let her down. Again. It seems that no matter how hard I try to get my parents to understand that I will never be joining them at 'The Club' with their high affluent friends, they're still holding out hope that one day I'll return to their ways.
I won't.
Not ever.
Not even while I'm with Christopher.
As for Chris, well, when I told him, he was understandably shocked. I tried to break it off with him, insisting that my babies will become my world and that I won't have time for him. Surprisingly, he wouldn't take no for an answer. Instead, he insisted that he wanted to be with me and that it didn't matter that I'm pregnant. He claimed we can go through this together. I'm not so sure. He clearly hates Luke just as much as Luke hates him and I'm not sure how that'll translate to the kids. But the idea of being all alone again is terrifying and if he knows what he's getting into, then why not stick with him? Why not see if we can make a go of this? He wants me and loves me, and a small part of me has always wondered what he and I could be, so why not? Right?
"I'm starting to show. I think we need to tell the town, but I don't want to do that until you tell your people first. Have you told everyone who's important to you?"
Raising a hand, he rubs the side of his face roughly. "I haven't told anyone."
I stare at him in disbelief. "Liz? TJ?"
He shakes his head no.
"April?"
He shakes his head no again.
"Maisy? Buddy?"
"I've told no one." He looks up at me guiltily.
"Not even Jess?"
"Do you really want me to tell Jess?" he asks, surprised.
I exhale a quiet laugh and shake my head. "You sure do suck at telling the people in your life big important information, Luke."
"I know, I do, but a part of me has been waiting for your go-ahead. I didn't want it to get out before you're ready."
Of course.
"Okay, well, take this as your go-ahead. We need to get the word out. It's a miracle I was even able to keep it from everyone this long. I think everyone thinks my metabolism has slowed down or something and all the food is starting to catch up with me. If you don't want to tell them directly, fine, but we need to start thinking about when to tell everyone."
"I have to go over to Liz and TJ's in an hour anyway to drop off some of their things that have collected here, so I'll tell them. And then I have April tonight so I'll tell her too. How are you thinking about telling the town? Town Meeting?"
Hell no. I don't want to make a spectacle of this. Will it become one? You bet. Do I want to be there when it happens? No!
"No, I thought I'd have Sookie tell Miss Patty and word will just go out from there."
After a few seconds, he nods solemnly. Clearly this isn't how he would like to share the news with the town. Had we not broken up, we would have planned some sort of big reveal. Luke would pretend he'd hate it, but he'd love it. But we did break up.
June 29
4 Months, 3 Weeks, 5 Days
LUKE POV
When word of Lorelai's pregnancy hit the town, everything blew up. No one comes up and directly talks to me, no way, no how, but I can see the looks they give me. Most of them are kind and understanding of the situation, but there are a few who give me a dirty look, believing I knocked Lorelai up intentionally just to leave her and the kids behind. But for the most part, everyone is pretty excited. Liz and TJ? Ecstatic that their little one will have a cousin to play with. Sookie? Thrilled to be raising her kids with Lorelai's.
But no one is more excited than Lane and Zack.
In fact, the two of them are beyond thrilled by the idea of Lorelai having twins as well. It's all Zack talks about at work. In one of those rare dead moments, he confides in me how he hadn't meant to get Lane pregnant. 'But how cool is gonna be for our twins to grow up together, man?!'
In his head, we're in the same exact situation. Other than the fact that he's actually married to his twins' mother.
After a long week of work, he managed to twist my arm, and convinced me to come over for dinner to watch their newly edited wedding tape their videographer put together.
"I'm so glad you could make it, Luke," Lane says with a wide smile as I step next to her and help take the plates of food from her hands. We make our way into the living room and I pass each one out as we settle in front of the TV. "It was such a bummer you were out of town during the wedding, so I'm glad you'll at least get to watch the video with us!"
For the next hour, Lane, Zach, Brian and I sit on their uncomfortable, mismatched apartment living room furniture, eat our meal and watch their wedding tape. It isn't bad. In fact, having two weddings, one Korean and one American, made it kind of special. Unique. I was so focused on trying to be there for Lane and Zach since I couldn't be at their wedding, that I never considered what it would feel like to watch a wedding tape when I'm no longer getting married.
It's been torture.
Honestly, it's hard to focus on the wedding on the TV when a horror movie is playing repeatedly in front of my eyes: Lorelai rushing into the diner, bright and gorgeous, going on and on about how everything for our wedding had fallen into place. Outside, snow had begun to gently fall and she'd claimed it was a sign and declared us being together as fate. She was thrilled and I was intentionally keeping life altering news from her - afraid it would ruin our relationship.
Not only was that woman the best thing that had ever happened to me, but she was willing to commit to me. And, if you know anything about Lorelai Gilmore, you know that was a major deal.
I messed up.
"I'm disappointed I missed your wedding," I manage to say when the video ends. Lane and Zach are cuddled up together on their side of the couch, and it's easy to see they're in love. Brian nods in agreement. "And your speech was really great."
"Thanks, man."
Before anything else can be said, the phone begins to ring on the other side of the room. Lane peels herself off the couch, and picks the phone up on the fifth ring. Instantly, Gill's loud, excited chatter erupts from the receiver. The entire band excuses themselves to make their way outside to get a clear signal and hear what the rock star has to say.
Tired from a long day and the aching and regret that has begun to settle in my chest, I stack the plates from the coffee table, take them into the kitchen and place them in the sink. Wanting to help further, and honestly, unsure what else to do, I begin to prepare to clean the dirty dishes when there's a crackle on the TV.
I glance over just in time to see the tape struggling. It's fuzzy and crackling, going from popcorn to a fuzzy image, back to popcorn, and then coming back into focus. I freeze the moment I recognize Lorelai making her way to the stage.
Ha! I grin to myself. And you said there was no video of you belting out 'Endless Love'!
Losing interest in the dishes, I drop the soap to the sink, make my way to the living room and perch on the very edge of the couch, ready to take in this sight. My heart aches at the sight of Lorelai with the realization that she was still my girl at the time. She had looked beautiful at the wedding. I wish there had been a way for me to juggle both April's math team's trip and still go with Lorelai to this wedding. I chuckle to myself as I watch with avid attention as she stumbles to the microphone, bumping into a cymbal on her way. Of course she was a bit tipsy, no way would she belt out Endless Love sober.
I smirk, leaning forward, my arms resting against my knees. When things get back to somewhat normal, you better believe I'm going to be giving her a hard time about this!
"Hello. Everybody, hello." She taps on the microphone. "Some of you know me as Lorelai Gilmore and some of you know me as Cher," she pauses for a brief second, and here is where I realize she's more than tipsy, she's full out wasted. "But either way, I wanted to say a few words about our girl. I've known Lane forever and I'm just so incredibly happy that she's gotten married. I mean, I am just so happy that this adorable, twenty two year old girl, has gotten married. Because it's amazing, you know, it's really hard to get married. Believe me, I should know. I mean seriously, because Lane is married and next thing it'll be my daughter and then my granddaughter, but not me. I'm not getting married. Nah, it's not for me, it's not in the cards. But, hey do you know what date I'm not getting married?" A pit of dread forms in the bottom of my stomach. She leans into the mic and murmurs sarcastically, "June third. Do not save the date! Do you hear me? Do whatever you want on June third because there's nothing at all happening on that day. If there's anything you need to book or anything, it's totally safe to book it on June third!" I stare at the screen in shock, disbelieving the words and hurt and anger pouring out of Lorelai. This did not happen. No way. How did I miss this? How was I oblivious to the pain she was going through? Where's the damn song? "So, congratulations Lane and Zach. Who else here had eight shots of tequila? Anyone? Hands? No. Oh my gosh! Who misses the Yummy Bartenders? I know, me too! They were so great! I was going to ask them to not work on June third on my not wedding. I just thought that would be so fun," My mouth falls open at the sight of Christopher appearing out of nowhere and onto the stage, his hands wrapping around Lorelai's arms and then rubbing one arm up and down affectionately. "Hi Chris! Hi! Rory! Hi!"
"How about some coffee?" Rory asks.
"What? Okay, well I guess we're going over here!" Lorelai laughs, allowing Rory and Chris to lead her off the stage.
I stare at the sight of Christopher's hands on Lorelai, wondering when he started showing up again.
LORELAI POV
"What now?" I mumble standing from the couch. Grabbing the remote, I pause my movie and make my way to the door.
The moment I swing it open, there's no way to swing it back closed and there's no black boot wedged between the doors. No. Instead, Luke comes barreling in. Considering how well things seem to be going between us, I don't even think anything of it.
"What's wrong, Yosemite Sam?" I ask, following him into the living room, pulling down on my large t-shirt. "Did my mom stop by the diner? Is flannel discontinued? Are you going to have to find a new fashion trend to make your own?"
He swivels on his heels, his eyes narrowing at me. "Is everything a joke to you?!"
I freeze in confusion, caught off guard. Never mind, I take it all back. I guess I should think something of it.
"Lu-
"Why did you lie to me?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Lane and Zach invited me over for dinner tonight to watch their wedding tape since I couldn't make it to their actual wedding," The blood drains from my face, the walls of the house begin to close in. "It was the typical wedding crap. You know, the stupid walk down the aisle and the stupid vows - twice. Two times in a row, one time in a language I can't begin to interpret. I had to listen to these two kids promise to love each other for the rest of their life as if they can predict what life will throw their way and how they'll handle it, suckers! And then we get to the speeches, Brian's and Rory's. Then the tape ended."
Oh.
Oh, thank god.
"Zach and Lane and Brian got a call from Gill. They had to take it outside," he goes on to explain, pacing. "The screen went black for a while, before focusing again, a few seconds later."
He turns around to face me, and I instantly know my speech was there.
"Luk-"
"Why?" he asks softly. As if a balloon with a slow leak, all the anger seeps out of him. "Lorelai, why in the world wouldn't you tell me how you were feeling? Why were you lying to me?"
A tightness collects in my chest at the realization that we're actually going to have this conversation.
"I wasn't lying."
"Lorelai, I had no idea how you were feeling!"
"How could you not?" I bunch the hem of my shirt in my fists nervously. "I told you in Martha's Vineyard."
"Well you should have told me again!"
I roll my eyes. "And become some sort of high school needy girl? Seriously? Luke you used to know how I felt before I realized how I felt!"
"I'm not a mind reader and I was distracted. Since when do you not tell people how you're feeling? That's not you."
"I didn't want to push you."
"Yeah, that sounds just like you," he scoffs.
Somewhere in the deepest recesses of me, anger begins to brew. "Luke, I knew if I pushed you too hard, I'd lose you, so I said nothing. I kept thinking that eventually you'd get it all figured out, pull out of whatever funk you were in, and come back to me. Let me back in."
"So you pushed me that night during the ultimatum? If you had wanted to break up, why didn't you just say so?"
"I didn't want to break up! I wanted to marry you!" I throw out my hands toward him, growing exasperated. "I loved you!"
"Likely story!" he laughs sarcastically. "If you loved me, why would you go to Christopher that night, huh?"
I stare at him, trying to find my bearings. He's absolutely unwound, unpredictable. One minute he's soft and trying to understand and the next he's angry. He's not even hearing everything I'm saying. Why is he even here? This isn't what we do, we don't talk about anything of importance.
"You should have respected me enough to just break up with me if you didn't want to be with me, Lorelai. That would have been better."
"I wanted to be with you. That night with him meant nothing to me-"
"Well that explains why you're with him now, doesn't it?" he spits out, a crack in his voice betraying his tough guy persona. "So was he here?"
"No, I went to his plac-"
"The night of Lane's wedding," he cuts me off, his eyes no longer heated, but fearful of my answer.
Oh.
I hadn't told him Christopher went with me, had I?
I watch him closely, recognizing the way he's trying to find a way through this. Trying to find some logical reason to explain why Chris would be with me. When I don't respond, he steps closer to me, head ducked down, eyes tilted up to mine, continuing, "When I called you, was he on top of you? Or in bed next to you? Or were you on top of him? Did I interrupt you?"
My mouth falls open at the suggestion and a wave of fear threads its way through my heart. I never considered the fact that Luke would learn Chris went to the wedding with me or think…
"Luke, I did not cheat on you!"
His blue eyes flood with tears as his jaw tightens. He doesn't believe me. All the air in the room grows taut, filled with high voltage electrical energy with enough power to burn us not only to the ground, but through it - all the way to China.
"Did Lane invite him to the wedding? Does he have a relationship with her I know nothing about?"
I feel the beginning of a quake starting in my stomach. "No."
He flinches at my answer and then inhales deeply, trying to keep his emotions in check.
"How did he end up there?"
"Luke-"
"How did he end up at the wedding?" He asks again, wiping the back of his hand against his eyes when a few fat tears escape.
"Listen," I step forward and reach for him but he steps back from my touch. Forcefully, I step toward him, placing my hands on his forearms to keep him from running off. "Mrs. Kim said I couldn't come to the wedding alone because she was scared that her family would think I was a hooker because of the way I tend to dress. Michele was supposed to go with me, but he ditched me for Celine Dion when he ended up with first row seating. I didn't want to miss Lane's wedding. You know she's like another daughter to me. Rory was texting Chris and he agreed to go with me. That's all it was."
"Did he enter this house that I paid to be renovated so we could be together because you love it here and I wanted to make you happy?" I close my eyes and wince. He chuckles darkly to himself, pulling away from me. "Was he in our bedroom? Does he spend his nights there now? Loving you?"
"We're not sleeping together right now," I lock my jaw. "We're taking things slowly."
"Except for that night."
I wince and nod. "Yes, except for that night."
Why the hell am I telling him all this?
"And what about the night of Lane's wedding?"
My memory takes me back to that night and I close my eyes tightly. This isn't going to go well. He's going to go blind with anger, not hearing my words, getting wounded in my admission.
I can hear him shuffling in front of me and feel his angst through the distance separating us. I never thought things could get worse between us, but I now know that's not true. Did I really believe we'd be able to just fall into some sort of okayish parental agreement without having this fight? Since when am I really that naive?
"Luk-"
"Was he in our room when I called you?"
"Nothing happened."
"Was he in our room when I called you?"
"Yes," I admit quietly, rushing on to add, "But I was in the bed fully dressed and he was sleeping in the chair. He made sure I got to bed safely. He was taking care of me because I lost it over you!"
Opening my eyes, I find him staring at me in disbelief. If I thought that morning on the porch when I told him I slept with Christopher was bad, this is a thousand times worse. I can literally see him writing up a false narrative about that night and discounting our entire relationship in the process.
He can't do that, what we had together, it meant everything to me.
"Luke," I reach for him, only for him to step away from me again. Something in me breaks and I try again, now crying too. "Nothing happened!"
It's now, even though we've broken up, that I realize that we're going to actually fight about this.
"Just like nothing happened when the two of you had lunch and you told me about it afterwards? Or how about the time you went to his house, got drunk and stayed the night to comfort him after his dad died? You had no intention of telling me about that one until you were forced to. Or how about the time he called and left you a message? Nothing was happening then either, was it? Oh, or what about the night you begged me to marry you only to go sleep with him the second you were done with me even though I had no clue that I lost you?"
And this is what does it. I break, no longer able to remain contained and keep everything that happened in the past. "Oh get over yourself! You act like Christopher is the devil and you're a saint. You made me promise to tell you everything when you falsely accused me of talking to him behind your back. Which, by the way, I didn't do for an entire year! Only for you to turn around and take two months to even tell me about your daughter, Luke! Oh wait!" I grow sarcastic. Mean. My eyes narrow as I bounce up onto my tiptoes with a burst of extra energy. "You never told me about her, I just found out about her as if I stumbled upon a new shirt in your closet! Never mind the fact that I was your fiancé, and once I learned about her, you wouldn't let me anywhere near the two of you because you were an insecure little boy who was scared she'd like me more!"
"Oh, I'm sorry I wanted to get to know my own kid!" he spits back, the tears and hurt replaced with indignation. "Too bad I didn't take a page from Christopher's book and only visit her when I felt guilty or wanted to sleep with her mother!"
My mouth falls open at his words. "That's not true!"
"Please," he mutters, turning from me and shaking his head as he makes his way to the side door. "How ironic, right? You break up with me for wanting to be there for my kid, and go back to the man who couldn't have been bothered to be there for his own. I knew you and Rory for years before ever even hearing Christopher's name and then years more before even having a face to put with the name."
"He is there for her!" I cry defensively, not wanting to hear his words. "He's paying for Yale!"
"Oh! Well good for him for showing up for his practically grown daughter. Giving someone money to pay for school isn't being there, Lorelai, out of everyone, you know that. And you know what? Let me be the first to point out to you, since you seem to be blind to this man's faults, he's only helping with money he inherited rather than earned himself. Where the hell was he when you were just a kid raising Rory all on your own in a potting shed? Why wasn't he helping then? Or where was he when you were doing everything you could to get Rory into Chilton? Where was he when you were fighting like hell to keep your kid in her house when you got termites?" He turns from the door, his steely eyes meeting mine from across the room. "And if I remember correctly about this money he's giving to Yale, he met with you to offer it to her."
"I'm Rory's mother and he's her father, I told you, I can't change that. I don't get why you're upset that he wants to pay Rory's tuition."
"I'm not upset about that," he says calmly, simply. "Out of everyone, Rory deserves it, but she deserved so much more from him than that! She deserved to have a father who was there for her every day of her life! I'm upset about how offered her the money. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Rory's now an adult. He didn't need to go through you to offer his own daughter his support. He could have called Rory himself, but he called you. He could have met with her, but he met with you. Hell, he could have met with both of you, that would have been the right way to do it, but he made sure it was just you and just him. He did it to impress you. To have an excuse to see you all alone, to get you to clap and pat him on the back for doing what he should have always been doing from the day Rory was born. What did he offer you? Because I'm telling you, there's no way in hell he didn't walk around like a peacock trying to show off and leave without offering you the Eiffel Tower."
I ignore his last question, because he did, he offered me anything I wanted.
"That's not true," I lie. Even as I say the words, all of Luke's points make sense. "Listen, you don't know Christopher. If you got to know him, you'd get it. You'd probably even like him, but you're so insecure you can't see past-"
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure I'd like the guy who never bothered to visit Rory in her hometown until she was sixteen," he begins ranting. "I'm sure I'd like the guy who you got distracted with the night you made plans to paint with me when it looked like we were ready to be together, I'm sure I'd like the guy who humiliated and yelled at you in front of everyone in my diner, I'm sure I'd like the guy who broke your heart the night you came into the diner crying about how he got himself put together for some other woman, I'm sure I'd like the guy who wasn't at Rory's high school graduation or helped her move her mattress into her dorm and out of her dorm and back into her dorm! I'm sure I'd like the guy who wasn't around for any of her birthdays. I'm sure I'd like the guy who tried to break us up, I'm sure I'd like the guy you've been seeing behind my back and began sleeping with when I didn't jump high enough when you demanded I jump!"
His words hit so hard and are so painful for me to hear, without a single thought, in pure reaction mode, I raise my hand, and swing it to slap him. But my palm meets nothing but air, all his years in baseball has him catching my wrist effortlessly.
He holds onto me firmly and pulls me close as he looks down on me, undeterred to get his message across, "I'm sure I'd like the guy you told me I didn't need to worry about and you're now with! What kind of man sleeps with a woman the same night she breaks up with her fiancé? Yeah, what a stand up guy, Lorelai. And to think, all this time I've been feeling guilty about not telling you about April and keeping you away from her and disappointing you, only to find out you'd been having an affair behind my back."
I stare at him in complete shock, my mouth falling open in disbelief. "Fuck you, Luke! For all I know, you were out there playing Brady Bunch with April and Anna."
His head whips back in shock. "What a ridiculous claim!"
"Oh, is it? How would I know? It's not like you were living here!" I narrow my eyes up at him, still pulled close by his hand wrapped around my wrist. "You went from coming home and sleeping next to me every night to not sleeping here anymore. You forgot me! You gained a whole new family and ditched me for them."
"I did not ditch you!"
"Then where the hell were you?" I cry out angrily, letting out all my insecurities. "The man I fell in love with, was, and still is, nowhere to be found. Where were you?"
"Do not try to turn this around on me! You know exactly where I was! I had Apr-"
"Until when? Eight? Nine? Was there a reason why you couldn't come home after? Did you have a curfew that would turn you into a pumpkin if you went outside after a certain time at night? We live in a tiny little snow globe and it would only take you five minutes to drive home. You could have come home after, but no," I roll my eyes. "You banished me from the diner when April was there and did to me exactly what you did to Nicole."
"I did not!"
"All I had to do was pack up two boxes to get rid of your personal things," I point out. "You were months away from becoming my husband and all I had to show for it was two lousy boxes. So you can stand here and point a finger at me and point out all the ways I messed up. And I admit it - I did. I messed up, and I'm sorry for all of that, but I loved you and I tried. I went an entire year without talking to Christopher after we broke up the first time and then after we made that stupid no lie promise to each other, which by the way you did not keep, I was honest about him and told you about him wanting to meet to talk. And after everything, you couldn't even be bothered to tell me anything about Anna! Then Anna was giving you gifts and I had to listen to our entire town talk about what a sweet and smart girl April is and what an amazing father you are to her, and then what a beautiful woman Anna is, how nice you and Anna are toward each other, and how they couldn't understand how you could be so cordial to her after she kept April away from you for twelve years. Which, by the way, is ridiculous and as far as I'm concerned, unforgivable. So for all I know, the only logical explanation is that you fell back in love with her-"
"No!" he interrupts, shaking his head vehemently. "Don't try that bullshit. You know how much I love you. How I could never fall for another-"
"Loved," I correct sharply, my eyes narrowing to throw darts at him. "Past tense. You loved me and now you don-"
"I've loved you since the day I met yo-"
"Don't you even want to know why I was so drunk at the wedding? Why I said what I said?" I ask, barreling over his declarations. His adam's apple bobs with a thick swallow, but he says nothing. "I ran across a picture of April and Rory at Jess' event on Rory's camera at the wedding," I explain, looking up into his blue eyes, willing him to finally understand. If we're going to do this, then we might as well do it fully. "How do you think it felt to see that our girls officially met, and not only was I not there, but I never officially met your daughter? You never even told me they met.
"I accidentally found April and then you used me when your plans for her birthday party failed. I was willing to overlook it, because I loved you and I was trying to be patient, but the moment Anna got upset, you regretted letting me in and kicked me back out. You picked her over me and I didn't even do anything wrong! How do you think that made me feel, Luke?"
My words hit their mark. All of the frustration and anger in Luke dissipates as understanding begins to take root. For the first time, I feel as though all the chaos and confusion of having an unknown child peels away from his eyes and he can finally see what happened between the two of us with clarity.
"Even before we were together, when you were the man all alone in the diner and I was running around making messes everywhere I went, I was the one you always let in. I was the one you always let help you," My eyes fill with tears. "There was you, and there was me. And when we were together, you know we were better people. And yet," I reach up a hand and wipe at the tears that fall from my eyes. "You intentionally kept us apart. Right next to Rory, you know me better than anyone, you had to have known that I would eventually blow us up with what was going on. So don't stand here and act like I was unfaithful. Deep down, you know the truth. You know I was committed to you. I did not sleep with Christopher when I was with you. I only did it shortly after we broke up to make sure we couldn't get back together because I knew you would eventually come for me, and I knew I wouldn't be able to say no to you, so I did the one thing I knew you would never be able to forgive." I shrug, letting it all out. "I couldn't be in that pain anymore. I needed us to be over. I was not unfaithful. It was nothing."
Everything in the room stills with my raw admission.
"I didn't mean for all of this to happen," he whispers sincerely. Yeah, after all this time, he finally gets it. "To hurt you. To mess us up."
"Well, what did you mean to happen, Luke?" I snap, trying to get us back to yelling and away from the quiet vulnerability he's now displaying.
"I don't know. I just needed time."
"How long were you going to keep me out? How long was I supposed to just wait around for you to remember me?"
Just as he opens his mouth to respond, a car door slams outside. I flinch.
"It's him, isn't it?" He asks softly, looking past me to one of the front windows.
I close my eyes and nod. His hand drops from my wrist and the floorboards groan under his weight as he moves away from me. When the side door creaks open, I glance in his direction just in time to watch him slip out onto the dark porch.
Exhaustion, defeat, and heartbreak sweep over his entire demeanor.
"I'm sorry, Lorelai, I really am. But you're wrong," he waits until I look up at him to continue. And in that moment, I know exactly what he's going to say, because he always gives me the same look before he says it - because he knows how hard the words are for me. The world slows down. His eyes soften. He looks at me as if I'm the center of his world. "I love you. I always have. I always will. I can forgive you, and I hope one day, you'll forgive me too."
And then he turns and is swallowed up into the darkness of night, just as Chris makes his way up the front porch steps and enters in through the front door.