A/N For my guest reviewer, I understand where you're coming from. There are so many great beginnings of stories on FanFiction. It's so frustrating! I can't guarantee I'll finish this story, but I can at least offer hope. I already have my storyboard put together for the majority of this story. I also think a lot of times, stories fizzle out because they don't get enough follows, or reviews. I'm writing this story for me. It's what I was looking for but could never find. I appreciate views and comments, but they aren't my motivation.
WARNING: Some of the violence Tobias' father puts him through is mentioned in this chapter. It's not very descriptive, but if you're at all triggered by that, please be aware. As a survivor of childhood abuse, I'm very sensitive to it, and I'm very careful to not write past my own limit.
Tobias' POV
In Abnegation, the dependents don't start officially volunteering until they're twelve. I turned twelve just before school ended, so volunteering at the Distribution Center is my first official volunteer job. I was excited because Mrs. Prior assigned me to moving boxes and most of the heavy lifting jobs. This works out great for my plan to train for when I switch to Dauntless. It was also nice because I mostly got to work alone. I work from 7am to 5pm, with an hour off for lunch.
I didn't really know what to do with myself for lunch, so I just took a walk. As I walked around the factionless sector, I came upon some Dauntless kids who were leaving a warehouse. The door had a sign on it reading, "No G'rups!" I didn't really have time to stop and figure out what it meant because I needed to get out of there. It could be bad if the Dauntless kids saw me. I ducked into the building across from the one they left. It seemed empty, so I climbed the stairs. From the second floor, I could get a better look at the "No G'rups" building. It wasn't a very tall building, being that it was surrounded by skyscrapers. All the windows had been blacked out, plus it had all its windows. That's unusual for the factionless sector. As I looked at the building, I realized someone had done a good job of making it look like the usual trashed, factionless sector, building. Upon closer inspection, it was clean, but had an assortment of graffiti all over the bricks, making it look abandoned. I wanted to see more, so I walked up the stairs to the fifth floor.
What I saw on the other side of the building was that this building had high fences around what looked like some sort of work yard. At least it had been. Now it seemed to have been made into a makeshift basketball court. There were metal rings on each side and Dauntless boys, shirtless in the summer heat, exposing tattoos and muscular bodies, were running all over playing basketball. I could hear music playing and laughter. A couple of the boys got into some kind of fight and were yelling and pushing at each other. A boy who looked to be around seventeen broke it up.
My watch beeped and I realized I only had ten minutes to get back to the distribution center. I ran down the four flights of stairs and ran back to the Distribution center, arriving just on time. Mrs. Prior saw me and handed me a towel and a glass of water. I expected to get in trouble for running, but she just gave me a warm smile.
"Tobias, did you have any lunch?" she asked me.
Lying has become second nature to me, but somehow, I think Mrs. Prior would be able to tell if I lied to her, so I just gave her the normal Abnegation nod. I don't think that worked, but she didn't push it. She just nodded back.
"The rest of the day, I'm going to have you helping with sorting food. There's a truck here from Amity. You'll climb up into the truck, and there will be a conveyor belt leading out of the truck. It's your job to lift the boxes and assorted containers and place them on the conveyor belt." she informed me. Then she smiled and went to her office.
I spent the rest of the day lifting all the Amity crates onto the conveyor belt. When my shift was over, Mrs. Prior came and told me I was free to go and that she looked forward to seeing me later for dinner at 7pm. I walked home, knowing there was no way I was going to that dinner. I knew my father would have one of his fits of rage and I would end up locked in the tiny hall closet. I still had a twenty-minute walk before I would be home, so I'm just going to enjoy it while I can. Why be miserable more than I already am, right?
As I walked, I was thinking about the Dauntless kids' warehouse. What do they do there? Why don't they want to be at their own compound? Is it just from kids? Does the sign mean no grownups? I'm pondering about the mysterious warehouse, when I hear singing up ahead of me. I was so lost in thought, I almost bumped right into Beatrice. I stopped, allowing some distance so she wouldn't notice me.
She's skipping and singing some song I've never heard. That's not weird, we don't listen to music in Abnegation. Her blonde hair falling like waves behind her. Her mom told me she was handing out food packs to the factionless today. She must be on her way home from doing that. I wish I could talk to her, but I know she's too good for me. I just follow along behind her like some creepy stalker. It's not like I planned on walking home behind her though, so I'm not really being creepy. I'm just happy being near her.
Soon we're at our house and I lose sight of her as she walks through her front door. I take a deep breath and enter hell. He's there, waiting for me, his belt already off. This time, he doesn't even give me a reason for the beating. I'm sure his main goal is accomplished. I will not be going to dinner at the Prior's. When he's done, he drags me upstairs and tosses me into the closet. He slams and locks the door. I sit in painful silence. I hear when he leaves for dinner. I hear when he comes home. I threw up while he was gone, probably because the only thing I've eaten today was the three bites of scrambled eggs I snuck while making his breakfast. I know he'll be even angrier when he sees... and smells what I did.
He glares at me, and yells, "clean up this mess you ungrateful boy. This is why I can't let you go to dinner at the Prior's. You're disgusting! You're a disgusting mess!"
This is my life. Four years. How am I going to survive four more years of this? If I don't starve to death, I'll bleed to death. As I shower, cleaning my own blood and sick from myself, I wish for some kind of light, some kind of hope, to get through this. I'm not strong enough to get through this on my own.
Monday rolls around and although he only beat me Saturday, my wounds are still stiff today. If I move wrong, they will open again, and I will bleed. I wrap them as best I can, before going down to make his breakfast, sneaking a few bites of oatmeal. Then I leave for the Distribution Center.
When I arrive, Mrs. Prior is waiting for me. I feel like she can see right through me.
"Tobias, it's so good to see you. I'm moving around some things in my office today, and I'd like your help." she says.
I try to hide how relieved I am for the lighter work. I'm really not cut out for Dauntless. I'm not brave and I'm not strong. I feel like giving up. I follow her to the office, and she closes the door. I think that's odd, but what I find even more off, is that she has food on her desk. There are muffins and fresh fruit. I look at her questioningly.
She smiles and says, "Sit. Eat. We had a crate of fruit that wasn't perfect, so we're sending most of it to the factionless, but I kept some strawberries and peaches for you to have with some of the muffins I made yesterday."
I just look at her, wondering how much she knows, my eyebrows furrowed. My stomach growls. I can't deny how hungry I am, so I sit and eat all the food. Mrs. Prior watches me the whole time. When I'm done, I look up at her, and I know she knows.
She quietly says, "I have some idea of what's happening in your house. Most I can't say how I know. I am, however, the manager of this center, so I have records of everything each member of Abnegation takes. I know Marcus doesn't pick up enough food to feed a growing adolescent boy." She takes a deep breath and lets it out, continuing, "when you didn't come for dinner, I knew I had to do something. I'd like to turn him in, but I know how powerful he is. I've filed complaints about him to no avail. The least I can do is feed you when you're in my care."
I look at her, openmouthed. I wished for some kind of hope, some kind of light, and here she is. Beatrice' mom. I'm still speechless. I don't know what to say to her. She's filed complaints?! She's tried to help me! Am I worthy of her help? Can I be saved?
"Tobias." she says, gently. "You're moving like you're in pain. I have a first aid kit, please let me help you." she pleads.
Maybe he's wrong. Maybe I'm not worthless. Maybe I'm worth saving. I turn around and lift my t-shirt. I hear Mrs. Prior gasp.
She leaves the room for a moment and comes back with warm water and a washcloth. She warns me it will hurt and has me sit and lean forward on her desk. As she's cleaning my back and applying antiseptic and a soothing cream, I let my thoughts wander to ignore the pain. I think of Beatrice golden hair, her smile. I imagine her coming to Dauntless and finally being able to feel worthy of talking to her. If her mom thinks I'm worthy of saving, then maybe I am, and in my mind, I think she's saving me for Beatrice. It gives me hope that I can make it through the next four years.
Mrs. Prior bandages my back and lowers my shirt. I see her eyes glistening, but I ignore it. I don't need her pity. It makes me feel weak. I need to be strong.
I spent the rest of the summer volunteering at the Distribution Center. I've gained muscle, especially in my arms and legs. I gained weight too. Mrs. Prior provided me with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every day. At the end of the day, when I was leaving, she would slip the dinner to me. She had me leave a half hour earlier than everyone else, so I could have time to get home before Marcus and hide my dinner in the closet, before he got home. I grew stronger physically but also mentally. Having someone care about me gave me strength I didn't know I had. It lessened every blow from my father. It made his words meaningless. It made me feel whole.
During breakfast and lunch, Mrs. Prior would tell me about growing up in Dauntless. I think she knows I'm planning to leave on my Choosing Day. It's why she gives me all the lifting jobs and tells me about how they train in Dauntless. She told me something I didn't know. The Dauntless aren't allowed to train their kids before Choosing Day. Abnegation council members made it illegal, saying it wasn't fair to transfers. There is a loophole though, according to Mrs. Prior. It's not illegal for someone under the age of eighteen to train underage minors off the Dauntless compound. She said most Dauntless dependents have taken advantage of that loophole and help train each other. Most that don't train before their Choosing Day either transfer or drop out of training after their choosing. They end up factionless.
On the last Saturday of volunteering, before school starts, Mrs. Prior has me come to her office half an hour before it's time for me to go. I follow her and she motions for me to sit.
"Tobias, there's something you need to know. There's a secret place, called The Clubhouse. Dauntless children from the age of twelve to sixteen can go there and be trained by Dauntless members who are aged sixteen to seventeen." she informs me.
I ask, "why are you telling me this, Mrs. Prior?"
"I know you want to transfer, and I know you're Dauntless. You may not be able to see it, but I can. I want you to be able to make it through initiation. When you go to school, I want you to find a Dauntless boy, named Zeke. Tell him Aunt Nat sent you and that you need help with training." she tells me, almost whispering.
I furrow my eyes and ask, "Why are you helping me so much?"
"Tobias let's just say, I can see how strong you will be in the future. I know you were made for greatness. You didn't get the best start in life, but you're a good person." she tells me.
After I left, I pondered her words. Me? Meant for greatness? How can she believe in me so much? It awakens in me a determination to prove her right. I think of Beatrice, as usual. Does she know about The Clubhouse? Does she train with her cousin Zeke? I guess not since she's not allowed into The Clubhouse. That's when I mentally facepalm myself. The warehouse with the NO G'rups sign! That's the clubhouse!