Sunshade
In the evening.
And in the night.
x
As the fire is extinguished yet again.
But still kept in the warmth.
In the rays.
While blue peered through, and grey subsided, to create a mask.
A loving embrace.
x
A heartbeat. His heart beat. It never stopped beating. But it beat. It was nice to be aware of that fact every so often.
And in the midday, his eyes fluttered and scorched themselves with sudden brightness.
Hazy.
His mouth pulled back, and his cheeks flared up with his eyes squinting to protect his eyes from a light he had not seen in many a millennium. He turned his head away and moved his hand over himself. He curled on his left side, but the suddenness of pain jolted him back into facing upwards.
He lifted his hands up into the air and looked over from his wrists to his fingernails, and then from his fingertips down to his palms. He closed them. He squeezed. He stopped. He squeezed, and then opened again. He lifted his arms over his head and rested them in a straight line, sighting as they lay facing upwards. His knuckles made a knocking sound as they connected with the wood.
He could hear the faint sound of breathing, but he could not see the person whom the breathing belonged to. Instead, the bright ocean of white light and birds of dust intoxicated his vision. It sounded peaceful. The quiet murmurs of a world away from this, yet it was this world that gave it life. He was tired. Not tired, but tired of laying down. He though so, at least. He moved to his opposite side, now. He remembered which side he had pain, at least.
And then he pushed himself up, slowly. He made sure to be cautious about whatever wound he might be dealing with, so he was slow. He wasn't cautious enough to wait for someone to tell him whether or not he should be getting up, but it was an amount of caution that warranted some amount of pride compared to his prior conduct as a wounded person.
As he did so, he was able to get a good look at Karyou Ten who had dozed off looking after him. Her mouth parsed slightly open, and her head tilted slightly, with her entire weight sat upon her knees, and her hands firmly grasping each other upon her thighs. Shin smiled. He felt a bit mischievous; he could do a lot of things—if he had anything to do those things with, but as he looked around, he noticed a frightening lack of anything. Aside from the bandages and a couple of tools kept by Karyou Ten's side, the room they were in was completely devoid of life. There was not a single object, living or otherwise, in it. Not his armor, sword, nor even Karyou Ten's own materials besides the aforementioned and her usual attire sans the neckpiece and cape. He reached out to her and attempted to grab her arm, hesitated, and then moved down to her hand, but ultimately failed at either task. It reclined. He wasn't sure what to do, what to say, or what to feel. He whispered the word, "Thanks."
Shin pushed himself all the way up. His stomach was sore. His youren yi was only covering the lower half of his body, and he could clearly see the bandage wrapped around him and where an insignificant stain of blood had formed and started drying and where the other half of his attire was hanging. He slowly untied it, lifted it up over his shoulders and put his arms through the sleeves, and tied it back together.
From beyond the window, he could hear the general whereabouts of people flocking to and from.
At that point, he decided to try and sneak out from Karyou Ten's watch, but in his attempt was stopped by a simultaneously monotone and vehement voice, "Where do you think you're sneaking off to?"
Shake. "You see—I'm just hungry, I was gonna go find somethin' to fill my stomach."
"Oh, really? And you can't even bother to wake me up to let me know that much?" She angrily moved herself in front of him before he would head down the stairs to the first floor.
"You seemed like you wouldn't want to be woken u—"
She raised her index finger into his face, "You've been out of it for two days, I at least need to know you're okay first. Now let me check your bandages."
As she did so, she caught him up on most of the situation since he had been asleep.
So Sui's group was able to find another entrance to the castle—or rather, they forced themselves through by making a smaller hole in the opposite side of the wall just barely big enough to fit most of the men through. Eventually, the group found themselves towards where the "duel" had occurred and moved to get him, Karyou Ten, and Kyou Kai out of the area. Though she had lost no small amount of blood since, then Kyou Kai stayed awake long enough, albeit carried by the others, to confront the Shiyuu who had taken the hostages on the wall. It was a gamble and the Hi Shin had set up archers in the trees outside of the wall, but with no leader and an obvious loss of tactical prowess and surrounded, they decided to retreat. Though, Karyou Ten presumed that it was Kyou Kai's words of optimism that led to their retreat—the Shiyuu by then could have still, in theory, completed their mission of eliminating the heads of the Hi Shin unit since both of its best fighters were in no state to enter conflict again; however, it would ultimately be the result of suicide at the hands of the rest of the Hi Shin. Although not comparative fighters, they had the numbers and enough decent fighters to ensure the mortality of the Shiyuu present. What Kyou Kai told them was not a compromise between the two groups. Instead, she told them not to give their lives without reason. Their cause would never be celebrated nor thanked, and ultimately, they would have perished without having accomplished anything for the Shiyuu nor themselves. She told them to simply live. Whether they lived for themselves or continued to act as assassins of the Shiyuu clan, they should strive to live.
She finished her checks. "...How's Kyou Kai?" He asked.
"Not bad, but not good. She'll be extremely lucky if her arm ever moves as well as it did."
"I see," he let the hesitation strike him for but a moment, but he did not let it swallow him whole, "she's definitely a fighter. It won't be luck that gets her through, it'll be her strength." He reminisced briefly on what she must have done just to save his life at the start of their so-called shadow war. "If anyone can do it, it'll be Kyou Kai."
Karyou Ten's eyebrows raised as the sound of the Shin she knew returned. It was always him, she knew that, but this undying confidence in his friends and comrades had hidden itself for some time. She nodded in approval.
"By the way, where are we?"
"Oh, Kanyou."
"What're we doin' in Kanyou?"
"We were asked to give a report directly to the higher-ups. Ei Sei wants to talk to you when you feel like it. I handled most of the other work, so hopefully they don't bark at you too much. Kyou Kai and the lieutenants did too."
"Huh? Bark? And how did Kyou Kai manage that?"
She chuckled, "Aha, it's nothing to worry about. And she's been awake the whole time, just fighting a fever."
"I hope she's—"
"She's resting, Shin. I made sure of it. With as many stitches as they had to use and as much blood as she lost, I would have rather drugged her than let her go out. She's got a few broken bones, so the stints are preventing her from moving around anyway. You're worrying too much, have faith in both of us."
"She acceptin' visitors?"
"Even if she weren't, I expect you to go by at least once," she smirked.
"Guess I'll try and go see Sei. Before that, do ya' know where my sword is?"
"It's safe, don't worry about it," she winced at a thought, it seemed. She looked to the corner of the room for a second. The memory of the sword. He saw it in her eyes.
His hand moved up and over her, "Thanks, Ten," he said, as his hand ran across the top of her head and scuffled it. Somehow, the reaction was instinctual; and though Karyou Ten wanted to resist since it seemed to be his dawdling-on-a-child nature, he pulled her head to his chest and gave her a hug with his other arm. "I mean it."
Horizonline
Shin went to meet with the King of Qin, but the latter's busy schedule meant that he had to wait for several hours before being allowed to meet with him. While Ei Sei would have liked to take time between duties to meet with the commander, Chancellor of the Left Shou Bun Kun would certainly not allow for such an unexpected intermission (at least until the main issues at hand were dealt with). Though he probably had time to run around, aside from finding himself something to eat, Shin did not stray far from the palace building where officials would come and go throughout the day. He found entertainment in talking to the guards or passersby on their way up and down the grand stairs.
Eventually, Shou Bun Kun erupted from behind the giant doors in the red building and patiently guided his way over to Shin sitting quietly on his own at the bottom of the left corner of the stairs.
"A rare sight to see your specimen so still."
"It's been an adventure," he stood up, "'course, that's not any reason to let my flame die."
"I'm glad you're still capable of bursting at the seams. He'll see you now."
"Thanks, old man."
"Chancellor, you mean. I apologize for our information network being so reckless, we never expected you to become targets."
"Comes with the job of becomin' the greatest general under the heavens."
Shou Bun Kun laughed as the two parted ways, "Still with that?"
"I don't go back on my word."
In their usual spot, looking down above Kanyou and with much of the palace behind them, Ei Sei was waiting. He leaned against the wall and looked at the citizens, soldiers, animals and all below.
"Been a while, ain't it Sei?"
"As is usual," his red and gold garbs and long black hair flowed with the wind.
"You wanted to see me for somethin'?"
"You're around, why not visit?"
"I would either way, but—"
"—given that, I assume Karyou Ten didn't tell you, then."
Shin looked perplexed, "About what?"
"With near certainty, we believe Chancellor of the Right Ryo Fui was responsible for much of the chaos."
Shin was still vexed, "Near certain? You sayin' you can't do anything to that bastard?"
Ei Sei turned his head to the side and looked Shin in the eyes, "I'm afraid so."
"All that... and..." he grit his teeth and hit his fist against the top of the wall, "damn it."
"He's a formidable foe. He may escape our claws by slithering his way through brush and litterfall time and time again, but I feel that his time is nearing its end. I doubt that this event will strengthen the resolve of those still faithful to him, at the very least."
"What a pain in the ass."
Ei Sei agreed, "The throne is a battle for the blood of a nation, and it tends to be the cause of the most bloodshed. But until the corners of the Middle Kingdom are united, the senselessness will continue."
"You got any regrets about this path?"
"Do you?"
"I think it'd be rude to have any," Shin's voice trailed off as if he expected his comment to be insulting in some way to the king.
"I'm the same. Should I regret the world that my daughter was born into? No, I must make the world better for her, so that she does not regret being born into this world. Perhaps there are tribulations that we may have been able to overcome better than we did, but the past is the past, and we can only make way for the present and the future using our mistakes to lead us."
Shin's eyes drifted across Ei Sei's stature, "I didn't have a dad or parents for that matter. Kinda like you, but at some point, you had Shou Bun Kun if not your... mother. I can't really imagine that feelin', right now." Ei Sei was surprised to hear Shin talking about a feeling just a bit different from those he had held so dearly for so long. "Is that what a father is? What bein' a father is?"
"It's a beautiful, wonderful feeling. My duty as the king often prevents me from being with her and Kou when I would like, but those days where I am able to witness her childhood are momentous indeed."
The sun's glare bearing its weight on Shin's eyes irritated him, so he opted to rest his back upon the wall and sit facing the palace. His hands draped down as his arms rested on his elevated knees, "The closest I had to any of that was Ou Ki and Duke Hyou. One of the soldiers told me once that Duke Hyou never had children, and some of his men even seemed to feel jealous of me because I was like a son to him. I wondered what he meant by that. I still wonder. I put myself on a path and it was they who taught me how to properly walk it. Through my life, with Hyou and with you, it's been about achievin' the goal at the end of that path; 'but what if there's more? What if there's another path, but I don't know how to walk it?' I can blaze my glory down it, but recently I feel scared doin' that. Not because I'm afraid of myself, but because there are other people waitin' for me in that future... I've gotta present myself to 'em."
"Do I walk upon a road paved solely for my feet to cross? My story has been full of turmoil and death, but this is the Warring States, and I am the King of Qin, so it is to be expected. Aspects of my life were laid out and decided before I even held enough consciousness to make a meaningful decision on my own, and even still it is the world that shapes me. And what of the road to unifying China? Did I decide to unify the Middle Kingdoms with somebody else's framework? Of course not, it has never been done before, and I have to pave that path with my own two hands—no, with our hands together. Even assuming that we are just tools for one another to gain a place in either of our ideals, we remain on isolated mountains unless we decide to consolidate and join together. One of us must have stepped forward in that pursuit, and you must step forward and find the footing you need for yours."
On one of a Shin's limp hands, a butterfly found its way and settled for a rest upon his middle finger's knuckle. "You and I aren't the type to be 'satisfied.'"
"Maybe so, and yet our pursuits have led us to some amount of it. I do not wish to die yet. I cannot die until I've completed my task. If I was dying, I would kick, scream, and fight to the very end. But my selfishness is eager to say that what I have achieved thus far, and whom I have placed my faith unto, and those who have placed their faith in me, fills a piece of me with content." He was, truly, a beautiful man.
"Uh, by the way, when are we supposed to leave Kanyou?"
A never-before-seen mischievous grin appeared on the king's face, "Pardon me," so he corrected his facial muscles, "you won't be leaving for a while."
"Huh? Why's that? I feel fine."
"But does Kyou Kai feel fine?"
"You know her name?"
"We spoke with her regarding the incident, of course, since you were of no help."
Tch. Shin shrugged the last comment off, "Well, we should really be getting back to our post."
"You're still recovering, your second lieutenant isn't able to walk, the garrison is still in the middle of replacing your lost soldiers, your equipment and food aren't properly handled, and there's no telling if the failed attempt against your life is going to lead to an assassination attempt against myself by the same group. Personally, I believe this whole thing will boil over without any further incident regarding the priestess assassins; but it was the ministers, and Shou Bun Kun, who recommended keeping you here for a while. It's no use arguing on this one."
"What about our post?"
"Ou Hon was recommended as a temporary replacement given the recent skirmishes with Zhou have been at a standstill with Tou's army in the way."
Shin looked somewhat defeated, "Ya've tied me up, Sei."
Ei Sei laughed, "Given your recent status, you're welcome to join a dinner this evening at the palace. Is that good enough to make up?" He joked.
"What's the occasion? If the ministers are worried about assassins, wouldn't they stay away from these kinda events?"
"Ryo Fui is hosting it as a lavish expenditure of his wealth, though perhaps he intends to show that there is no threat to rid you from the palace sooner."
"What? Sounds stupid."
Moonlight
In the early evening, a guard who belonged to a pair guarding the wooden sliding door to one of the residences lent to the Hi Shin slid the entrance open for Karyou Ten to enter and kept it as such until the inner guard was dismissed and left the premises. She walked through the rooms until she found herself in a main area on the first floor where Kyou Kai lay half covered by a blanket. Her Shiyuu attire had been removed and she lay bare in her bandages and undergarment piece. Aside from her shortened hair and baggy eyes that presented themselves in a slightly greyish color even as she slept, she seemed to be an ordinary Kyou Kai. Karyou Ten folded the blanket from her left side over and hoped that Kyou Kai would pardon the sudden and unannounced intrusion as she looked carefully at her arm. It had many, many sutures sewn into it and continued to leak fluid that Karyou Ten started to clean up with the rags she had brought with her. She was careful to dip only the corners of the rags into a pot of water that was left nearby and to lightly dab around the wounds, but to do her best to never interrupt the wounds herself.
When she finished cleaning off the blood—both recent and moist, as well as dried and scabby—and the small yellow-looking bits here and there, she reached into a pocket she had and pulled out a small container, and then took it apart. She took her index and middle fingers and pushed them into a mixture of a brown/beige-appearing substance and started to carefully apply it along Kyou Kai's wound. She didn't know how much to put or where it was meant to be applied, but she made an estimated guess given Kyou Kai's explanation of the ingredients and what it would do.
The pain from her arm caused Kyou Kai to swollenly open her eyes. "Oh," she said, and she realized who was there. She didn't make a fuss about the pain. Karyou Ten noticed she was awake, but with no comment from the wounded girl telling her to abstain from her actions, she continued until she was completely done and had gone down the length of her arm's injury. It hurt, but Kyou Kai wasn't one to vocalize her discomfort with such things. Nonetheless, the stiffened expression on her face and occasional stress along her eyes told Karyou Ten enough about her pain. As she finished with her second check-up of the day, she moved all of the items out of the way, recovered Kyou Kai as she dictated through simple "yes" and "no" answers, and walked to the other side of her. Kyou Kai's right hand was barely exposed through the underneath of the blanket that she gripped with all of her fingers. Karyou Ten slid her right-hand underneath Kyou Kai's and tapped her left hand on top as if to signal to Kyou Kai that she should grab it instead.
Although hesitant, Karyou Ten's obstinance won. Though Kyou Kai gripped rather strongly, it was not a pain that Karyou Ten felt she could not handle for the duration of however long it'd take for Kyou Kai to feel better. It was a vague idea of time she set herself up for in her head, by Karyou Ten was adamant on comforting Kyou Kai through her recovery.
"He woke up," Karyou Ten was unsure if Kyou Kai wanted to talk, but she decided that it she was willing to converse then it was likely evidence of a discussion helping her to think about something besides the flame of her left arm.
Albeit untimely, Kyou Kai responded, "Always the same."
At that point, Karyou Ten realized she had nothing much to discuss, especially with the lieutenant in the state that was was in.
Kyou Kai, however, instigated one, "You don't have to sit here."
"'Having' to and 'wanting' to are different," Karyou Ten wasn't letting go.
"You could—"
"I'm where I'd like to be right now."
Kyou Kai's discomfort evaporated little by little; however, not because the pain itself subsided, but rather because her mind slowly drifted off into sleep even whilst feeling the bulging pressure throughout her entire limb. Nonetheless, just as she fell asleep, so too did Karyou Ten as her concentration disappeared from letting her hand be held to simply enjoying the serenity of the quiet, warm abode they had found themselves in the comfort of.
In the early evening, Karyou Ten fell asleep, and she dreamt. She did not know what she dreamt of. Soon, she would not remember what she dreamt of, but she dreamt. She knew that. She dreamt something, and that something woke her up. Its intangible fear startled her eyes open, and she found herself back in the room with Kyou Kai, hands now far apart, and her legs numb from sitting on them for so long.
Yet, when she looked up and forwards, she found a more startling sight than any nightmare could have given her: the cold, silent body of Yasu watching her from the very black of the room in the late evening orange, with her body contorted into an inhuman shape and the red of blood pooling from the inside of her mouth and onto the floor.
but she couldn't move
she didn't know how
she didn't remember
or did she
but that long stare
it terrified her
to scream or to cry
neither
it looked
as if any moment it could move
it could jump
"Is that all you can do when your own hands are soiled?" It asked. It had asked.
no
"You soil yourself?"
no, why
"Here you are, caught by a single victim of your tyranny."
it's not
"You're just like her."
Her mouth moved slightly in order to try and speak up; but in all her effort, the most she could push and push herself to do was lightly parse her lips. She tried to push her voice through her esophagus and the back of her mouth, but no sound exuded. Her eyes widened and her mouth slowly pushed itself back as if to frown. She kept fighting, and the muscles throughout her neck and face were exploding with messages telling them to move.
Though she believed herself to be making no noise, in reality she was breathing rather heavily. Her breathing was enough to stir Kyou Kai from sleep who noticed the other girl staring into nothing to Kyou Kai's right side with half-opened eyes and a pained expression on her face. Her left arm was in no condition to reach forward through the pain, but she thought that if she could just force herself to move her right arm above and over her body and shift herself slowly towards Karyou Ten, she would be able to grab ahold of her soul that was stuck within its own living nightmare.
She sat herself up just slightly, the bruises across her abdomen ached. Next to them, only a single dimly lit candle slowly dripping its essence and life force away throughout the night. She held herself up with her elbow, her shoulder tore itself apart. "Karyou Ten," she called out with no avail; and so, she moved forward, with just barely a little step by step from elbow to opposite hand she crawled her way over just close enough that she could reach forward to grab Karyou Ten's hand. Her brow shook. Their brows shook. "Ten," she called out louder and her right hand latched itself onto both of her hands that were clutched together up near her chest. Through clenched teeth, Kyou Kai called out again noticing that Karyou Ten's focus had shifted down to her; whatever it was that she saw, or whatever it was that she was seeing in her, felt like an irrelevant tale that should make itself vacant. "Ten." Her voice was soft. It was deep, and soft.
Karyou Ten mouthed the 'Kyou' and was able to utter the "Kai." Broken from the spell, Kyou Kai slowly backed off and laid herself back down as she continued to wince in pain. Her arm was warm. It was much too warm. It had been much too warm. Flustered by her experience elsewhere, Karyou Ten moved with a heart racing to look over Kyou Kai's arm which she was certain had opened part of the healing laceration due to the stress that she assumed was just applied for the sole purpose of snapping her out of her half-awake dream. To her surprise, however, aside from the swelling, there was nothing particularly out of the ordinary across the entire length of her wound. Relief. On her knees, Karyou Ten sat back on her feet and sighed heavily, "That ointment does wonders, huh...?"
"Aren't you supposed to be looking after me?" Kyou Kai tried to tease light-heartedly.
Karyou Ten, unsure of how to process the humor and unsure of herself, moved herself to get up and leave, "I'm being a bother, aren't I?"
"Didn't you 'want' to be here? I was trying to lighten the mood. At least lay down, there isn't any sense in straining a muscle," Kyou Kai offered.
Though she hadn't been scolded, Karyou Ten had the eyes of a puppy who had just been scolded, "Are you—"
Kyou Kai's neutral expression spoke words of disappointment beyond what she could have conveyed through speech.
"—okay."
They lay together facing the same obstructed sky above them, that is to say: the ceiling. There wasn't much to see, anyway; in almost pitch black, with the moon obscured by heavenly forces beyond mortal comprehension, it felt like the two of them floating in an endless sea. The occasional hums and chirps of the outside foragers like fish that would splash out of the ocean water to get a glimpse of a shining star that did not yet exist.
Tremble, her hand softly did. Her heart calmed. Her mind slowed. She took in the white silence and the safety and comfort. Her fingertips lay raised towards the ceiling. Kyou Kai raised her left hand slightly, and though it disturbed her moment of rest, she let it glide across Kyou Kai's hand and rest within it. Though it was nothing more than one placed atop the other at first, there was the slight embrace of acknowledgement by each.
"Weirdly comforting."
"Is it?"
"It's... nice."
"But weird?"
"I don't know, I—you know, family and friends and all that... not like what the Hi Shin is, but—"
"Close."
"Yeah."
"..."
"..."
"It's just kind of strange. 'What's this feeling?' I want to know the answer, but I don't know."
"Maybe some sort of love. I imagine being embraced is similar."
"We're both women."
"I doubt it's any different if you're following your heart either way."
.
"Aren't you confusing respect? Admiration?"
"Idolization is seeing one side, are you embracing all of the sides?"
"I don't know what that means, but maybe it made sense. A little."
In silence. Once more.
Karyou Ten shifted her head. Kyou Kai adjusted her legs.
Karyou Ten: "Embraced? Are you sure you know what you're implying? Or is this going to be like that time when you—"
Kyou Kai: "If you say it, I'll die from embarrassment long before this cut gets the better of me."
Karyou Ten: "Then...?"
Kyou Kai: "I said what I said."
Amaranth.
Kyou Kai shifted the conversation, "Are you okay?"
Karyou Ten reused the other girl's joke, "Aren't I supposed to be looking after you?"
"Let me indulge, your health is the Hi Shin's, and mine."
She felt uneasy, but her body was always connected to that moment in time through the light pressure of Kyou Kai's hold, "I've caused a lot of people to die, or just been there as it happened—even as a part of war, in the ideals of the Hi Shin, it's like my hands can never be clean. But that's the burden of our path, isn't it? I can't remember all of their faces, and I don't know most of their names; but something about being so close and," she looked to her hand as she held it above her. She could barely see any of it with only the dim candle providing light, but as she turned her hand over to reveal its backside, she could see the little streaks of light dancing in place on her fingernails from time to time, "the feeling of a sword pushing through her body—it hurt. It's not like I haven't been around death my whole life, or that I haven't defended myself with this blow dart before; but I guess... it didn't feel good. I wouldn't change what I did, for you and Shin, I'd do it a thousand times over; and yet, when I remember the expression that she had as she looked at me, it hurts." Her hand returned to her side, though she adjusted and placed it atop her chest instead.
"I think that makes you a beautiful person."
"Eh?"
"Was that a weird thing to say considering the topic?"
Karyou Ten, somewhat flushed, "A little bit, but h—what?"
"Allies and enemies, you still feel bad about it, don't you? You're empathetic to people—as a whole. For those who live on the battlefield, that seems like a rare trait; but I guess the Hi Shin is the home of those outliers. We can't avoid the nature of war and people, but I don't think it's wrong to have disdain for killing either way. You're beautiful like that."
Heartburn
Drowned in orange candlelight, and in the back of the large room a harem of entertainers plucking guqin while dancers swayed their arms in motions of life. The clutter and clatter of cups and plates placed upon wood tables and those who used them chatting about.
The Chancellor of the Left who took good care to savor every bite that he took of his chicken, and across from him at the same table was the leader of the Hi Shin. "You know, you could at least make the attempt to look like you're enjoying your time here."
"Last time I was here in a situation like this, Ri Boku was here. Now, that bastard is here," Shin tried talking below his breath so as to not disturb the mood or cause a scene. He gave slight glares down the line across to one of the other tables where a clear Ryo Fui sat with his own harem of wealthy men and women who would beckon his calls at every need. Though his power had been dissipating, the physical value of his fortune was enough to keep considerable influence over the politics of the kingdom and the inner palace.
Shou Bun Kun leaned in to whisper back, "I recall that you fell asleep during that event; but regardless of the Chancellor's optics and attempts, as you're aware, he no longer has the military support—without power to leverage legitimate might of hand, he's incapable of making real movements."
Shin raised one of his brows, "You're gonna call what just happened a lack of strength?"
"The strength of your foe was unfortunate, yes; however, in the palace, his might is incomparable. Whereas he may have once been able to freely admit to his crimes in the broad of daylight to this audience, he must be careful where he steps, or else the planks below him will collapse under his weight."
Shin took a drink of the alcohol that had been served to him, "Yet it never feels like anything's changin' in this place." He looked up to the colorful ceiling. Someone had taken time to put their heart and soul into every pattern and every design on every piece of the walls and ceiling and furnishing; and yet the room stretched on forever. How long had it taken for someone to paint it all? How many people were involved? That's a tall ceiling, how did they get up there? Were they scared of falling? At the end of the day, this day at least, it was done. They had done it.
"That's where you're wrong, Shin. The flame of the old generation is fading, and the King's power grows. By himself, he cannot cause change; but the two of you can bring the world together. This is a long-fought battle, but it's no more than a battle of attrition now. No matter his wealth, he cannot hope to stop a sudden stampede."
Shin cracked a smile and took another drink. "Speakin' of, isn't Shou Hei Kun here?"
"No, he's quite busy. Originally, it was the King who would have been busy, but Shou Hei Kun wanted him to make an appearance as a sign of supposed goodwill. He's planning something, though I don't expect whatever he has in mind to involve you further than it already has."
"Why's that?"
"Your presence is, itself, a deterrent. Without doing anything at all, you're providing an incredible amount of support for our faction. For that, I thank you."
"You're makin' it sound so simple," Shin joked.
Shou Bun Kun humored him, "Even the most 'complex' situations can be boiled down as such." He finished his plate and bid Shin good fortune as he decided to walk around and chatter with the other guests, as did the members of his 'entourage'. Shin also finished his plate, but he continued to sit in his spot as he slowly sipped on his drink, occasionally stealing glances at Ei Sei who sat isolated from the rest of the group aside from guards posted near him. Occasionally, a minister or someone else of presumable importance was escorted and spoke with him briefly, and the guests around him departed one by one.
Then, Ryo Fui and his group stood. Shin could see them standing from his peripheral vision where his head sat on his right hand—his elbow holding him up—and looking plainly off into the distance. Even without the supposed might of a military power in the court, nor his own strength as a soldier, Ryo Fui's stature was not something to be looked down on—in spite of the frustration he most likely held in his role and due to the failed assassination, and in spite of his waning grasp over the throne and its political inhabitants, he was unquestionably a confident, and almost admirable, man on his own. Without any of the money he held in his pockets, nor stored away in whatever chests and homes he had, Shin felt certain that this Chancellor of the Right wouldn't simply allow himself to die the death of an abandoned street dog. His aura exuded the will of one who would kick and scream just as much as his own King had proclaimed himself to. For someone whom the leader of the Hi Shin held seemingly only negative feelings towards, whom he would call a bastard without hesitation, there was a sense of compulsory respect that he couldn't help but acknowledge. The two had met previously, of course; but Shin could feel what this foe really was in the territory he worked best in for the first time.
Shin waited and decided he would stay at least until he could witness the exchange between him and Ei Sei, as that's what he looked to be preparing himself for; or perhaps, they would simply give their salutations and splinter off into the darkness of the evening-night. But he was interested. What would this man do, now with his plan foiled? What would he say to the King who can only be assumed to know as much as the perpetrator himself? Would he offer his respect? Would he stubbornly lash out in a calm manner? Would he simply accept his defeat and surrender, going back on one of the only positive aspects of his foe that he could find?
But to his surprise it was none of the above, as Ryo Fui simply never intended to visit Ei Sei when he got up. Instead, his large form, his clique, and the women that he liked to surround himself with sat opposite of Shin. His troupe sat to his sides but remained largely inattentive to whom Ryo Fui had decided to sit in front of.
The chancellor's hand erupted from his sleeve with a cup, which he placed on the table in front of him. The man who sat to his left grabbed a bottle and poured it in the cup.
"Years ago," he began, "when I first remember acknowledging you, I admit that I underestimated you. Now," he took a sip and made a noise of satisfaction, "it seems that I've done so yet again."
Shin gave an otherwise disinterested response. "Did ya' come here to whine about your failure?" Rather, it wasn't that he was disinterested, but that the gall of the chancellor to sit in front of him and speak with him after what he had done angered him. If not for the laws of Qin, the chancellor would undoubtedly become an example of the final resting place of political corruption in the court, if not corruption as a general concept.
"Do you think that I would be so vain as to give complaint of my own misfortune to a soldier? Perhaps I may chastise the failings of a general in securing our national interest, but I would never hold you accountable for my missteps."
Ryo Fui's voice was grating to listen to. Tonally ignorant, yet completely aware of his words and their meaning. He could play himself off as an ignoramus, but that wouldn't change the fact that his maddening speech acknowledged his defeat and laid about his frustrations with it on the victim he was unable to do away. Shin leaned his head and body towards the man on the opposing side, "I think you're worse than any of that crap. To you, national interest is whatever's in your personal interest. Unlike you, I'm not just fightin' for the King or my own glory—if I thought he betrayed the values of our people, I wouldn't think twice about starin' at his face and tellin' him, even sidin' against him. But you... you surround yourself with people who won't bother to make that confrontation. That's the difference between us, Chancellor. Your path of blood might not be so different from ours, but your goal benefits the few. Your people will exploit the suffering of others until one day you're toppled; and after that, these Warrin' States continue just like they have been. Just 'cause our interests might be different doesn't mean I'd abandon you, but your cowardice and lust for power make you unreliable."
Ryo Fui's group was staunchly attentive to Shin and his words. He was harsh, and he had no reason not to be. He didn't need to make any direct accusations, but he could still speak his mind. He could play the same game to a degree, he thought. It wasn't so much of a game: it was the lifeline of his fallen soldiers and the hardships of unit that he spoke for; but for the sake of the supposed rules of the court and to uphold the values of Qin, as he so spoke of, he held his tongue from biting the snake's throat.
"You even learned to talk."
"Whatever the hell that means, I don't need your compliments," Shin stood up and started walk away.
"You're still a child, don't think you've gone ahead and grown up just yet; but I admit it: I underestimated you," Ryo Fui chuckled as he took another drink.
Shin kept himself visibly neutral to maintain an appearance of a lack of distress, though at heart he was annoyed. He passed along other ministers and people whom he couldn't recognize and had no connection to, but somehow, they seemed to give him an amount of respect as he walked by. Every other person, he met eyes with one of them as he glanced down the aisles of heads; and every couple of people would gesture with their heads a small bow where they sat. It was not a lot, but even as this boy with a simple blue garb unbefitting of such an event strolled past the politicians and wealthy who made up the upper class of the imperial capital and its palace, he had respect. He quickly paced himself out of the dining hall and through the doors, which two guards pushed open for him and let him out; and from there, he continued through the open area that led to the stairs at its front. Stationed around in groups of two were the inner guards who remained unmoved as Shin made his way through and walked by.
In the darkness of the night, where the moon hid its beautiful blue glow, and the sun had run away in fear, the city of man was lit by his own creation: the fires that burned at the wicks of candles placed throughout roads and held within their hands.
"And here I was gonna try and see Kyou Kai," he stared up to the stars that he could seeh "Ten'll be mad if I go tomorrow, but they're probably sleepin' by now..."
Shin looked forwards again and waiting for him was a man. Not just a man, but Dou, whom he and Kyou Kai had met several days ago while still lost. His mouth was left a bit agape.
"Hi." It looked like he didn't know how else to greet Shin.
"Yo... what are you doin' here?"
"I'm a merchant, why would I not find myself here? I heard about your fight too," he clicked his tongue, "quite a bit of trouble you've been through."
"No kiddin'. Where'd you hear that?"
Dou clapped the tips of his fingers together in front of him as he replied, "I'm a merchant, my customers include those guys up there," he pointed to where Shin had recently come down from.
"Huh."
"In any case, I met with the king—"
"You're just gonna keep climbin' the stairs aren't you?"
"—who had a few questions for me, both as a merchant and third-party witness. I had planned to have it delivered to you instead, but since you're here, I have a gift paid for by the king. I presume you'll make something more valuable out of it than it already is."
"If he was gonna pay me, he could've just—"
Dou held up his finger to stop Shin from finishing his sentence, "Take what I have for you. Sell it if it isn't suitable, but I was paid for this much." The older man reached into one of his bags and pulled out a mush of wrapped cloth about the size of his palm and held it out for Shin to take.
Shin took the material from Dou's hands. It did not weigh much, but it didn't seem like there was much wrapped in the fine cloth in the first place. "I appreciate it, uh... Dou?"
Dou smiled and his head shook with approval, and all of the little hanging coins and beads from his hat shook with pleasure. "Take care, Shin, I'm off to my next journey at dawn."
As they said their goodbyes, Shin didn't move from his position. He couldn't tell what could be wrapped in the drab, brown color of the fine cloth; but it felt hard, perhaps like one of the Qin treasures he would receive sometimes.
He walked back to where he was staying, silent throughout the rest of his walk, and then lit a lamp in the room upstairs where he had first woken up. He pulled out the item he had received and laid in front of him. He carefully unwrapped it and found not one, but two gemstones. A dark green and blue pair of elliptical spheres. Through the dancing of the yellows and reds of the fire next to him, he could see the imperfections present in the stones: where the light was absorbed into a dark abyss like cracks on a diminished stone slab, or where the light was of a brighter color than the rest of the stone and emanated with a color that seemed to move and breath. They were the veins of the stones that carried its blood and essence.
He wrapped them back in the cloth and set it underneath his layered mat on the ground, "Who does he think he is?" He joked to himself.
Heavenfall
With only the heavens in reception and observance, the blue light of dawn struck through open windows. Yet no greater were those rays' force of nature evident than to simply coat a cool light upon those and that which rested within their reach. Where the gods may have struck down their hands and made way to better one another in as human of expression and hatred as a human himself, they rested upon this day. Where the softness of an autumn's cold could live in its own ideal of harmony away from the wintery ideal of chillèd frost that bites at limbs and encroaches upon the chest.
Karyou Ten's arm was placed firmly atop Kyou Kai's layered and covered chest. It did not seek to imply provocation, nor hold with the passion of a nightmare's fury; but instead, gently draped, as if to protect only from the dreams that a terror in the night may send. When she awoke, she felt alone as her minded adjusted her senses to reality. Though, she wasn't. Alone, that is. She felt her hand settled on top of Kyou Kai and regained her memories. In that morning everglow—the one that sunk into the heart and like a succubus dragged people between asleep and awake—she lay motionless. Her state of partial slumber, however, was awakened by a pair of knocks no sooner than it had begun.
Perhaps in irritation, or in haste as to avoid a second grouping of knocks that may or may not have awoken the injured and resting Kyou Kai, Karyou Ten moved herself up as carefully as she could but also as time efficiently as she could drag herself along. She slid the door open to an expectedly unexpected visitor.
"I was starting to wonder when you'd come by."
Shin's face went a bit sour, "I got a little held up and... well, I didn't want to bother her if she was asleep."
"So, instead, you'll bother her early in the morning. Genius."
Shin frowned, "She still sleepin', then?"
"Mhm."
"Well, I'll—"
"No, you won't," Karyou Ten grabbed Shin's arm and tugged him through the doorway and then closed it. "I'm sure she's been waiting."
"Right."
"This way," she led Shin to the room that the two girls had been sleeping in.
Shin walked through the separating wood columns between the two rooms and looked at the peacefully sleeping Kyou Kai. Her hair was a little bit greasy and her skin seemingly moist with sweat at her neck and ending curves of her face; though, she was not drenched in it. Her lips were roughened and chaffed, but still a vibrant, healthy color; and only a few bruises marked her face from what he could see. He sat on his legs by his side, and Karyou Ten did the same beside Kyou Kai's face. They looked at her together for a moment.
"Her arm?" He whispered.
"Hard to say. Sei's doctors said she won't lose it, but who knows if she's lost her movement."
He winced, "I'll make it up to ya' sometime. To both of you."
Kyou Kai opened her eyes, "Everyone's feeling sorry for themselves lately. Aren't you bothered by that?"
Shin's eyes widened, "You were—"
"I could smell the idiot walking in."
"Do I smell?"
"She was—"
"—idiot."
Shin stared but quickly cracked a smile.
Kyou Kai's mouth parted to reveal her teeth as she smiled with him with Karyou Ten following. Kyou Kai continued jokingly, "There's a lot of things you could apologize for. This isn't one of them," she looked down to where her arm was.
"At least I can apologize for your hair."
"Is it bad?"
"Is it?" Shin looked at Karyou Ten.
Karyou Ten lifted an eyebrow, "She's a girl you know, even if it was, you should be a little nice."
"For such a 'well-known' military leader, you don't seem to be good with women."
"Huh!?" Shin exclaimed, "Where is this coming from? You're sick," he pointed at Kyou Kai, "and you're," he moved his finger to point at Karyou Ten, "...I dunno but you're somethin'!"
The smallest of the three (Karyou Ten) expressed a wide grin, "What's that? You have nothing else to say?"
"Shut up, you're annoying."
"Really? Then why are you here?" She crept her face towards him.
"Obviously not for you," he backed his face away from hers. His ears were warm.
Satisfied with herself, and with a pleased look, Karyou Ten backed down. He plainly lied, but only a little tiny bit.
Kyou Kai smiled watching the two and then sighed. "Ten, could you uncover me?"
Karyou Ten shifted herself in front of Shin and carefully uncovered Kyou Kai from her injured arm's side. As she moved it, Shin watched carefully and glided his eyes over the sutures and large, red line that plateaued above the rest of her skin. She moved her fingers and lifted her hand a little bit. It didn't move around much, but it moved. That was the most important part.
Without moving it or interrupting the areas afflicted by the healing laceration, Shin gently placed his hand on top of her fingers. He didn't say anything. He looked, and he held her hand with as little force as he felt was permissible. Noticing this, Karyou Ten joined by sandwiching his hand between hers and Kyou Kai's.
At peace.
In the evening at the golden orange of an oncoming dusk. Two men sitting together at a table, drinking.
"Snow? At this time of year?"
"That was the least of our worries."
Mou Ten held his free hand up, "No, no, even if that was the least of your worries, what is that going to mean for our crops? For our supplies?"
"Oh..." Shin, cup in hand, sat silent. His eyes perked up, "I'm sure it's fine."
"Optimistic of you," Mou Ten took a sip of his drink.
"Doesn't sound like too much of Qin was affected."
"You know, I think you're oversimplifying the potential problems; but anyway, a whole moon cycle and then some, huh? Sounds like you've been getting fat, at this rate all you'll be is your history," the brown-haired commander joked.
"You're just scared the second we're back on the field we're gonna be stealin' all of the thunder you've been stirrin' up," Shin teasingly shrugged off.
Mou Ten laughed, "Oh, please, I'm already getting used to picking up your slack."
"I thought Oh Hon was assigned to our position."
"He and I have been getting assigned here and there across the different lines. Since we're special units we can move faster, of course; but they've been really pressing down on us with you gone. Why else d'you think we're cutting through Kanyou?" Mou Ten asked rhetorically.
Shin put his cup down and slapped his hands together, mashing his eyes closed, "Our bad, I hope ya' can wait just a bit longer, I knew we should've been out there sooner," he lamented and unmeshed his hands.
"It's fine, it's fine! I'm not trying to get those girls of yours killed."
"As if I'd push 'em that hard. They're family, ya'know," Shin finished his cup.
"That so?"
"'Course it is. The Hi Shin is my family."
"Is that why you're scared?"
Shin looked down at the table, "Of what?"
Mou Ten didn't answer. He let Shin's eyes sulk. They whispered. "You were out here with them yesterday, weren't you?"
"Yeah. Kyou Kai just got over a fever a couple days ago, and the medicine guys finally let 'er out. She wanted to go out, so... you stalkin' me?"
Mou Ten smiled, "Well, I would've approached, but when I saw you walking the way you did, I thought maybe you were depressed. When I noticed where your attention was, I figured I'd wait, not like I'd be leaving today after all. So?"
"Hm?"
"Family, huh?"
"You all talk like you've got me figured out."
"Some things are easier to tell than others."
Shin pushed himself back and sat with his weight centered on the stool he was on, "I'll figure it out."
"That so?"
Shin yawned, "What choice do I have? I dunno what I'm doin' but... bein' scared ain't it."
"Fear's just instinct and worrying. Are you afraid of pushing them away? You afraid of being unable to look them in the eyes? Or do you feel guilty about something? I remember hearing about Duke Hyou and Sai, but that's your problem, isn't it? Everything is always right in front of you: the immediate result of your actions or someone else's, and you won't think further than that unless it's vague dreams of your future. What do you think those girls are thinking about in their future? Are you afraid of thinking about it? Whatever it is, being afraid is a part of life, but it doesn't control you."
"Then what're you suggestin'?"
Mou Ten finished his own cup, "Believe in yourself. Believe in your heart. What do you feel? It's in your character to act on feeling, so if you can't see it clearly just by thinking about it, what is it that you feel is your future, and theirs?"
"You talkin' from experience?"
"Jealous?"
"Not with a face like that."
Mou Ten chuckled and stood up, "Look around, Shin. Don't speed through your whole life and grow old so fast, and don't let your worries hold you back from living a life that'll make you happy. Got it!?"
Shin erupted from his seat, "It's like my chest wants to collapse," he was smiling, "but I wanna move," he put his fist out towards Mou Ten, "I wanna know what it's like," he breathed in deep, "I wanna know what they're feelin'," he was afraid. Obviously.
Mou Ten raised and bumped his fist into Shin's, "Until the next time we meet, my friend."
Through his comrade's gift of inspiration, Shin grabbed his sheathed sword and fixed it on his person and started off.
x
Within a few minutes, he found himself staring at the wooden boards of a house between two houses just a few tens of steps away from where Kyou Kai and Karyou Ten had been staying for the duration of the Hi Shin's placement in Kanyou. All of that inspiration wasn't for nothing. It's not as though he was standing around waiting for the grass and flowers of the dirt to begin growing through the cracks in the stone slabs, but the nervousness halted him in his tracks. What even was his plan? In his head, he stuttered.
x
Shin unsheathed his word and looked at the base of the hilt where he held it in front of him.
x
He knew.
x
His sword found itself once again resting in its holding.
Shin walked out from between the buildings, no longer hidden within their obsolete shade and with the waning orange washing over his skin.
He breathed and walked.
In front of a particular house, two guards were stationed. There had been an assignment covering them and the other leaders of the Hi Shin outside of their "active" hours, but Karyou Ten's was guarded throughout the day by a post.
The two at watch, who were generally conversing, noticed his approach and greeted by bowing their heads. One of them spoke, "If you're here to visit, sir, the misses are currently out."
"On their own?" Shin asked. He had no reason to suspect the two of any wrongdoing as they were from Kai Oku's personal guard. In even the most perilous of circumstances, as he proved himself during the Battle of Sai, the High Commander's aide was a venerable ally, and his soldiers no less lacking in regard.
"Yes. They mentioned they'd be back tomorrow."
"And you just let 'em go? Even though Kyou Kai was sick just the other day?"
The other guard winced, "Well... our orders were to guard the premises—"
"And?" Shin wasn't particularly amused, but he was interested.
The guard winced again, "It's just that—that Karyou Ten sure is something. An astute student, her achievements make our lord rather proud; but she sure can be scary."
The other guard agreed.
"We asked to accompany them, but she glared at us like a hawk. We just had to accept it and carry on here."
Shin folded his arms, "How'd Kyou Kai seem?"
"At a glance she seemed well, moving and walking on her own."
"They say where they were goin'?"
"No, sir."
Shin scratched the back of his head, "Well, thanks," he turned his body and started walking away as he waved.
"Would you like us to leave a message when they return?"
"It's fine, I'll stop by tomorrow instead."
He walked back "home." Silently. His nerves were silent. But he sighed.
Home.
Another place to sleep. Just for now, though. Home was wherever the winds took him and the birds followed.
Again, sliding the door open. Again, creeping inside. Again, shuffling up the little stairwell.
Dusk already fell and the moonlight lit the world below in a soft blue and pale green.
Inside of his room, he was greeted.
Laying back against the rim and sitting atop the single windowsill in the room with one foot touching the floor while the other angled itself on said windowsill was Kyou Kai, who stared outside. Laying with her back simply against the wall next to and below the other, holding a bamboo cup, was Karyou Ten. They had lit several lanterns inside, but otherwise bathed in the cool light of the moon's grace.
They turned to look at him.
The one on the floor closed her eyes halfway, "Late."
"W—you—huh? I was just at where you two were stayin'."
"Late."
Shin raised his left brow, "Oi, nobody told me you were gonna be here. I'd have come earlier if you'da told me."
Karyou Ten broke a slight smile. He could hear her blow air out of her nose, just slightly. She was messing with him. Knowing this, he approached with confidence. He set his things down some feet away from Karyou Ten.
"So, what're you two doin' here? And are you supposed to be out and about?" He singled out Kyou Kai.
She moved the fingers in her left hand as it hung below the rest of her, "It itches and hurts sometimes, but I'm fine."
"I wasn't asking about the arm."
"Shin."
"Alright I got it. So?"
Karyou Ten raised and spread both of her arms out in front of her, "I don't know!"
It was awkward.
"Just felt like it."
It didn't help.
Shin moved himself in front of the two, "Not like I mind much but... ya' did sneak into my room."
"There's no guard here, and you took long, so."
"An ordinary person would'a just left."
Kyou Kai, for once, stepped in, "Then it's good that I, an army-level general, was here." Her face flushed slightly as another wave of silence, one too awkward for her tastes, swept the room.
Shin laughed, though. A hearty laugh. Not just a chuckle. It was unexpected. And he wasn't expecting to hear something so stupidly arrogant from Kyou Kai, so he laughed. Her face's color continued to change. She used the corner of her eye to look at Karyou Ten, who smugly smirked at her. The red continued to escalate. "W-well, you just haven't realized my t-true power as the greatest general!" She tried to mimic Shin's tone to pass off her self-cringe induced prior comments, but somehow made it worse.
Karyou Ten's smirk took control, "Would you mind repeating that a little louder? I think only the next-door neighbors could hear your declaration, if you're a little louder, I think the others might be able to hear it too."
It became a little too much, and Kyou Kai raised her right arm up and lowered her headband over her eyes and sunk into her scarf-piece. But she peeked through with one eye to look at Shin. He was really, truly, smiling, just like he did before; and Karyou Ten's cheekbones were flared forwards with just as wide of a smile, as she could see. Even with the face accessories, Karyou Ten could tell that Kyou Kai couldn't help but smile even after her uncharacteristically loud performance.
"Hey," his chest hurt, "I," or rather, it felt different, "well," he wanted to grab his stomach, and his voice weakened. The silence wasn't as prominent or awkward. It was like a momentary limbo, or a liminal period between two moments in time. There was a sensation of an oncoming 'something' and no one knew how long it would take to appear or pass. "Ya'know, you're special." He was looking at the ground, as though he was ashamed of what he was doing. He wasn't ashamed, though. Some part of him felt sinful, but he refused to allow such a feeling to abdicate his desire to speak—to tell them—against his pride, or against himself. He didn't quite understand it, not yet. He let the words out as he believed in the words that he could make and the actions that he could do. Even without thinking, or without fully realizing himself, he understood enough. He understood what he needed to.
Karyou Ten's heart hurt, but she didn't understand it. She didn't understand what he said, specifically. 'You are.' Who? "W—"
"Both of you," he answered without being asked. "Can't be the 'greatest general' without an army," he tugged lightly at his youren yi, "lately it feels like I can't be myself without either of you around either," the slight shake, "and it ain't the best time to be sayin' something like this—I know this is greedy, but," he raised his head and eyes, and the two peered into his eyes. Though they seemed lost, there was an air of confidence that struck back at the darkness of the unknown, "you're both," he clenched his teeth whilst furious at his intimidated pandering, "I think you're both cute, and you might have more brains than me, and I cherish our days together—out clashing swords or hurtin' our backs in the field or just watchin' the snow fall or—or," his mind finally caught up with his mouth, "one day, I'd like to marry you. To give myself to you. It's strange puttin' this on you but... it's what my stomach's tellin' me to do. To try. Lately, it feels like I've been caught up in so many different worlds that I had no idea about; but I know that in the world I'm in, I'd like your company and... and maybe somethin' more," his head started lowering its and turning to the left towards the wall with the window in which Kyou Kai sat on; and as he did so, his hand gently grazed up and up from his simple cloth tug and across his left hand, and then across his wrist and the veins and scars that made themselves visible across his skin and even further up the muscles all the way to his bicep, where his hand lightly clenched.
Karyou Ten, still unsure of how to respond, stuttered a light laugh and pushed herself forward from her spot against the wall; and as she was leaning forward on her knees, she lost her balance and fell to the right side just below where Kyou Kai was and caught herself with her hand placed firmly on the wooden floor. Her head, like Shin's, found itself dangling on the side her body weight had found itself on; and as her bangs draped across her eyes and face, she hid herself from looking at him as she attempted to compose her thoughts; but she felt unable to—or rather, she didn't feel. Or did she feel? Did she feel too much? Her attempts to elucidate on the words that Shin spoke only furthered her internal ineptitude in responding.
Venerated soldiers with various accomplishments to their name, with a country of generals and a king relying on them for their support in their idealizations and security, yet not given the chance to be children nor adolescents. In their minute deviations from war, poverty, famine, self-destructive reaches for thievery and murder the children of the past generations found the warmth of not yet the community of their home, but in the embrace of one another. It did not have to be a physical embrace; but in this land where traitorous, greedy fiends lay awake at night with daggers at their bedsides waiting to pounce on even those who would call them "ally", the kinship between friends of an ideological and goal-motivated group knitted a blanket of close comfort for those willing to bare themselves naked beneath it. And in these young adults, who knew not of what the love of others meant or would bring upon them, nor even those whom they held such feelings for, there could be found something greater.
The love of a general and king; and the love of man and woman; and the love of whomever could find equivalent admiration and joy in another's presence.
But sophic ideals of the era and its priors are not meant for this stage.
Karyou Ten was strong. She is strong. "You think you're the only one scared?"
It was the motivation necessary. Kyou Kai stood from her window, "Do you remember when..." she trailed off momentarily, "when I said I'd like to raise a child with you?" She didn't bother giving time for a response as her mind abandoned fortress, "T-that hasn't changed. But," she knelt down and, with her ailed left hand, grabbed Kyou Kai's arm beneath the elbow and slowly pulled her up, "I might be greedy too. The Shiyuu gave me the skills I have; but they took everything else, even my family," she swallowed, "I followed my selfish desire for revenge, and now I was thinking about how selfish I was for wanting to take a real family for myself," she moved her feet forward with Karyou Ten in tow, somewhat baffled by Kyou Kai's reassuring grip, which had moved itself to her hand. "Somewhere, I'm sure Big Sis is thinking about how much of an idiot I am, but," her lip quivered, "I can stop worrying her," and as she raised her right hand to place it on Shin's hand that grabbed his arm, Karyou Ten found her own motivation to speak and stand on her own.
She did not pull away from Kyou Kai, and instead moved herself a little further away from her whilst still gently holding onto the others hand; and mirroring Kyou Kai, in a way, Karyou Ten raised her left hand up and grabbed Shin's right arm. Interlocked as a trio, Kyou Kai gently pulled Shin's hand away from himself and held it between the three of them. Karyou Ten opened her mouth, "I was ready to give up. I thought I couldn't win against Kyou Kai—I didn't know what I was thought of; but she asked why I should have to if there's no fight to even win between us. We'd fight for each other too, huh? It's silly."
Amongst a field of orchids, he was able to look them both in their eyes.
Karyou Ten smiled. She smiled brightly. Brighter than a fire. Kyou Kai's eye's shifted from watching Shin to looking at Kyou Kai, and she briefly smiled and gave an exhale as she looked down at his chest and back up to his face; and as her moment of motivation slowly slipped away, she responded with a more coy and meager expression and tone of voice, "And, well, I'm interested in... those things too... and I think it'd be nice if you were both special, too." A girl who until relatively recently knew not how children were made, nor the implications of marriage and the bond of souls, had a heart that raced with speed. The fear of expression itself had subsided, however, as the lightheadedness of relief and churning of joyful thoughts mixed in her abdomen. Likewise, Karyou Ten's fluttered expression warmly wrapped around her body, as a girl who had grown up with no real allies besides gold and bronze coins could indulge within the embrace of others truly and whole-heartedly. Shin did not heavily relate to either of those specific emotions, but he held his head high as the three formed their smiles as if to silently make a pact, as his feelings and theirs coalesced into one.
Shin's smile turned into a grin, and he removed his slightly shaky self from their grasp slowly. He walked over to wear he had slept and uncovered a wrapped case from beneath where he had left it, and then turned back up to them, still looking at him with their own hands locked. From where he was, he could see the scar on the top of Kyou Kai's hand, but he didn't let it bother him. He stood back in front of them as he unwrapped it, and the two looked on, and as he took two strings in his thumb and middle finger, unveiled to them necklaces of green and blue jade held in silver, holding it up to the moon's brilliantly reflecting light.
Their hair rose slightly, as if to indicate that his action had given the goosebumps; but who knew, maybe it was just a feeling they had as their already-elated emotions continued to sweep over them. "I dunno if it's the kinda thing either of ya' like, but they're pretty," he held it up a little closer to their faces. Shin lightly snorted, "Looks just like 'em."
believe in yourself