I promise the cliffhanger from the last chapter isn't going to become some big blow-up situation between Arnold and Helga! They're both dealing with stuff right now, and tensions are high. Hopefully Arnold's POV will give y'all peace of mind! This story and its ending were predetermined 12 years ago; I swear I have a plan!
As for the title of this chapter… Jason will finally be making his grand entrance in the sequel. Let's all pray for Arnold's sanity. LOL
Also, we're finally going to start having bigger time jumps!
** Two Hours Earlier **
Arnold's POV:
"There's no way. NO WAY!"
"Yes way." Gerald's grin spread from ear to ear. "She asked for graduation present suggestions, and I gave it to her. A very grand one, I might add!"
I glanced around the bowling alley food court, making sure we were out of earshot of the other customers. "So… You were texting with her on graduation night and suggested we have sex in the closet!?"
"No, I suggested she offer you a certain type of redemption. Ya know… Since your previous closet escapades ended in humiliation. The freaky stuff? That was all her!" He cackled in delight. "I gotta give her credit where credit is due. She took my idea and ran with it. Kudos to her! What a way to say goodbye to Hillwood U!"
"My God, Gerald!" I lowered my head to the table, banging my forehead against it. "I don't know whether I should be weirded out or giving you a gift basket!" Graduation night was undoubtedly the hottest experience of my life. Knowing it was Gerald who gave Helga the idea just about blew my mind into oblivion. "I don't know how I'm going to ever top that experience for her. The bar is set way too high! And I promised her like an idiot that tonight was going to be even better. I'm screwed!" I groaned, raising my head to take a swig of my soda, wishing it was something much stronger. I needed liquid courage. Being drunk was the only logical explanation for my performance that night in the closet.
"I never thought I'd see the day when you would be asking me for sex advice! Last year you nearly died when I talked about how to go down on a lady-"
"SHHH!" I frantically looked around. "There's other people around, dude!" Images flashed in my mind of that night in Helga's dorm room, when she let me… Pleasure her for the first time. "And, uh… I might have also used that advice." My face felt like it was on fire. I never intended on telling anyone about my sex life, but here I am.
"WHAT!?" Gerald howled with laughter. "Mmmm mmmm MMMM!"
"Stop it!" I pleaded, my blush turning three shades darker.
"Did you at least get her over the finish line, though? I gotta know if my technique needs work!" he wiped a stray tear from his eye, still attempting to quell his laughter.
My eyes narrowed. "You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"
"Not as much as she did, I bet!" I punched his shoulder, causing him to teeter in his chair. "Okay, okay! I'll be serious." He sucked in his bottom lip and bit down, desperately trying not to laugh or smile.
His laughter began spreading to me, "God dammit, Gerald!"
"I swear I'm not making fun of you or anything!" He took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. As soon as we made eye contact, we both started laughing again.
I had to admit, despite our improper subject matter, it felt nice to just talk again. Gerald and I haven't been able to hang out like this for so long. We had spent nearly the entire afternoon and evening at the bowling alley, occasionally putting effort into bowling, but mostly shooting the breeze. Gerald was the one who casually brought up the closet sex incident, and it somehow devolved into a conversation about my insecurities in the bedroom. I knew Helga didn't dislike our sex life, but I also knew she had far more experience than me in the kinky department. Gerald always had stories about his 'sexcapades' so I figured, who would be better to ask than him?I wasn't expecting him to admit that he's already given Helga tips. How on earth am I supposed to keep up with her?
"Arnold! Fancy meeting you here." My entire body flinched. I knew that voice. I slowly turned to look to my left. Jason freakin Fox was standing just a few feet away from me. "How are you doing? Marsden said your family was having some kind of emergency. I hope everything is okay."
I hate you.
"I'm fine." My eye was starting to twitch in irritation. Gerald immediately knew something was amiss due to the lack of masking my contempt. "Gerald, this is Jason." I stiffly gestured to him. "My co-worker."
His expression darkened the second I mentioned his name. "I see."
Jason didn't seem fazed by my very cold introduction. "Well, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that your friend knew who I was before this?" he chuckled, holding his hands up in submission. "It's fine, I get it!"
"If you get it, then go." I snarled. We weren't at work right now, which meant I didn't have to play nice. Fuck this guy.
"Actually, I was hoping I could have a word with you? Alone?" He glanced over at Gerald, who looked like he was about to leap across the table at a moment's notice. "It won't take long, I promise!"
"Bold of you to assume he wants to talk to you, don't you think?" Gerald stood, but I held up my hand, halting him.
"You get 5 minutes." I scooted away from the table and got up to follow him to a quieter area. In an ideal world I would punch him in the face, and we'd go our separate ways. But I knew that wasn't a possibility right now. If he wanted to spew some bullshit at me, then fine. I'll see what he has to say. Then perhaps I would punch him. I was currently undecided.
We ended up at an alcove near the bathrooms. He wasted no time, "I know you don't like me, Arnold. I won't play dumb and ask why. You clearly know about my previous relationship with Helga-" He paused when my hand formed into a fist. "I know this situation is awkward, okay? We're going to be working together, cooperatively. We need to be able to do this without causing problems for Marsden. Wouldn't you agree?"
"I'll do my job just fine, I'm not that irresponsible. But it doesn't mean I'll see your face every day and suddenly forget how you used my girlfriend like your own personal plaything." I stepped closer towards him. "You didn't have a 'relationship' with Helga. Don't ever try and pull that card on me. She was never your girlfriend, she's mine! You were just a human dildo as far as I'm concerned. You never cared about her, or her feelings!"
"That's not true! Helga and I are friends. Our arrangement outside of our friendship was mutual at the time. You're under the impression that I was playing with her emotions on purpose or something. I genuinely care about her."
"You need to stay away from her! I swear-"
"Calm down!" He backed away from me when he saw how enraged I was becoming. "I haven't seen Helga in person since that night she called me over to her dorm. She said you two were having some kind of big fight. She's the one who permanently pulled the plug on the whole sex thing that night. The… benefits are completely over! You don't have to get so worked up-"
"Wait, WAIT!" I practically screamed, not realizing how loudly the words came out of me. "She called you over… to have sex?"
The look on Jason's face said it all: he realized he said something he shouldn't have. "Dude! Hold on! Don't go aggro. She kiboshed the whole thing almost as soon as I got to her dorm! Nothing happened!" He groaned in frustration, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't want to cause problems for you two, okay? I'm sorry-"
"Just stop." I whispered. "I'm not doing this. You aren't worth it." I started backing away to leave. "I have an obligation to Professor Marsden, and I'm going to do my job. But beyond the walls of the museum, you're dead to me. Do yourself a favor and go find some other girl to toy with, and then you can dump her for another girl when you get bored… Just like you did to my girlfriend. Forget the name Helga Pataki and fuck off." I turned on my heel and left, not giving him a chance to respond.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
"Arnold!" Gerald came running towards me when I rounded the corner. "Where's that asshole? Let me punch him! He's not my co-worker!" He grabbed my shoulders and gave me a little shake when I didn't answer him. "What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"I need to go home." I removed myself from his grasp. "We'll talk later."
I hate Jason. I can't stand to hear his name, let alone look him in the eye, knowing he stomped all over Helga's heart like it was just a stick on the sidewalk. Before we started dating, Helga had nothing but positive things to say about that guy… But why? He lured her in with his nice guy act and then proceeded to convince her to sleep with him, minus the commitment. I won't pretend that I understand friends with benefits, because I don't. I've never heard anyone say that it turned out well for them in the end. Helga was abandoned by him… He hurt her. It kills me. I couldn't even be there for her as a friend when this was happening. I didn't know what she was going through. She didn't trust me back then. The more I thought about that jerk, the angrier I felt. I didn't know how to stop feeling this unbridled rage towards him. On top of that, I needed to know why Helga didn't tell me about her final attempt to hook up with Jason. Why did she do it?
When I got back to our apartment complex, I was still simmering in my own intrusive thoughts. Helga was probably anxiously waiting for me and expecting to be ravished the moment I stepped over the threshold. I didn't need sex right now, I needed answers. Helga was perched on the island counter, wearing nothing but her underwear, and some sort of plate of food was resting in her hand. "Welcome home… Sweetie."
"You tried to have sex with Jason when we were fighting!?" I blurted.
Smooth, Arnold. Very smooth.
The plate slipped from her hand, smashing on the ground. "… Oh, y-yeah… Kinda?" her entire demeanor changed, suddenly looking panicked. "How did you… What the hell?"
"I ran into Jason at the bowling alley. He graciously shared that information with me when he was trying to convince me to 'play nice' for our job." I rubbed my temples, "Why did I have to hear about it from him of all people? Ugh!"
"Nothing happened between us! I swear!" She got down from the counter on the other side, avoiding the shards of broken plate on the floor. She tentatively approached me, "I was drunk, and feeling sorry for myself. At the time I thought you would never speak to me again!" As soon as I met her gaze, she cupped my face in her hands. "Yes, I called him… But I couldn't go through with it."
"I thought we promised no more secrets between us. I know it doesn't change what happened, but I don't want to hear about this stuff through him of all people! He's such an asshole!" I groaned, placing my hands over hers and squeezing them. "I hate him. I hate how he made you feel… And I hate that despite everything he's done, I can't even begin to compete with someone like him-"
"Baby…" she whispered. I knew she hated using pet names, so she had my full attention. "I inadvertently set myself up to be hurt by him. I was the one who broke the rules he and I made." Her beautiful blue eyes seemed to be searching mine, "And why on earth would you think you're being compared to him?"
I traced my fingers up her arms, taking her hands in mine. "I feel ill-equipped when I think about all the things he's shown you, and I never can. I can't really make sense of these feelings myself. It's infuriating." Helga leaned in, pressing her forehead against mine. "I feel like such a loser. I don't know why I keep letting these things get to me."
"Do you really think I compare my relationship with you to him? Really?"
"No…"
"I sense a 'but' coming." She playfully pinched my cheeks. "Listen up, football head. I need to make something abundantly clear to you: I've always kept my expectations to a minimum when it comes to our relationship. You aren't Jason. You aren't using me for sex… And…" her face was becoming flushed. "Nothing compares to you. There could be ten thousand Jason's out there with the sexual prowess of a jackrabbit, but they aren't you. I don't want you to be just like him. I want my sweet, doting, and slightly naughty Arnold!" She pulled me even closer, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug, nuzzling her nose into my neck. "You're it for me, Arnold."
I had been so distracted by my own inner turmoil that I had forgotten Helga was currently in nothing but her underwear. "Helga… Put some clothes on. I can't think straight right now to properly appreciate your kind words." My voice was strained.
"What a strange request, Arnoldo." She pulled back to meet my gaze, the corners of her mouth lifted into an impish grin. "I'm pretty sure I have to take my clothes off if you want to do… the thing." Her arms released me, disappearing behind her back. With a soft snap, her bra was undone. She removed it and tossed it over my head and on to the couch. We both stood there awkwardly, unsure how to proceed. "Are you waiting for a written invitation or what? Crimeny!" She grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me towards the staircase. Once we reached the loft, she released me to crawl on the bed and lay down.
Something seemed off about her movements. They were almost robotic. "Helga…"
She pressed her breasts together, turning her head in the opposite direction from me. "Just do it."
"Uh, that's a hard no." I subconsciously backed away from the bed. She didn't want to do this. "Why would you suggest trying to do this if it makes you uncomfortable? Do you really think I'm going to do it when you're obviously in distress?" Tears began forming in her eyes, alarming me even more than I already was. "Helga!" I crawled over to her on the bed, forcibly removing her hands from her chest. "Why? What's wrong? We're not doing it, baby. Just forget about it-"
"I'm embarrassed, okay!?" she kept her head angled away from me.
"Embarrassed? Of what?"
Her head slowly turned towards me. "I can't tell you."
"We have a big problem, if that's the case." Hearing those words come from her mouth made me sick to my stomach. "There's nothing you can't tell me." She remained mum on the subject, emphasizing it by keeping her lips pursed. "I mean it, Helga. You can tell me anything."
"You won't like it." She closed her eyes and sighed. "It's a Jason thing-"
"He did that too? SHIT!" I flopped down on the bed in defeat. I hate that man.
"He didn't." I lifted my head from the mattress, staring at her in confusion. "If we talk about this… Then you have to promise me you aren't going to fly into a Jason induced rage over it."
"I meant what I said before. You can tell me."
"When Jason and I started our… Relations, we tried a bunch of different things." My stomach was already in knots, and I was desperately trying to keep my face neutral. "I asked him if he wanted to try… you know." She gestured to her chest. "Fucking them, and he instantly shot the idea down. He said that… mine are too… small… for it to be enjoyable for both of us." I'm going to kill him. "His words hurt. Not gonna lie." She sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I don't know if he realized how insulting it was, or if he was just insinuating that I would be the one who didn't enjoy it because I would have to squeeze them together more than other women-"
"This explains some things." I've noticed Helga's disdain for women with larger breasts. I didn't think it was because of something like that.
"It's humiliating! I know I don't have a huge set of tits… But I've seen porn! I know it can be done, dammit!" She angrily kicked her legs. "Now I'm paranoid that it won't be a fun experience for you. I can't stand the thought of leaving you dissatisfied."
That was the last straw. I threw myself on top of her, making her eyes go wide. "Maybe it's my turn to make some things clear for you, too: I wouldn't change a single thing about your body. I could come just from looking at a picture of you fully clothed. You are sexy, Helga. My God, I spent years fantasizing about what it would be like to touch you, even though I told myself it was wrong to want to defile my friend." She whimpered when I leaned down to kiss her. "Why do you think I ravaged you like an animal our first time? You're my fantasy brought to life."
"Arnold!" Her legs wrapped around my waist, pulling my hips down to hers and grinding them together. "Forget the kinky stuff for now. I just want you- AH!" Her back arched off the bed when I circled her nipple with my tongue before gently sucking on it. "Need you… NOW!" I groaned in protest when she gripped my hair to pull me away from her breasts, forcing her mouth on mine. My hand quickly replaced my mouth on her chest, relishing the sounds she was making. I wanted Helga to know that I worship her body, and she's perfect just the way she is. That asshole had no idea what he was talking about.
I pulled back so I could sit up and remove my shirt and pants. Helga was whining and panting at the loss of contact. "Patience." I placed my finger against her sternum, dragging it down the length of her torso and stopping just shy of her underwear.
Her entire body violently shuddered. "I'm gonna freakin explode!" she hooked her thumbs under the band of her underwear and frantically began pulling them off and tossing them to the side.
I grabbed her wrists and held them down above her head to stop her from thrashing around. "I said patience, baby. Let me do it." I released her, splaying my left hand over her breast and taking time to caress and tease her just enough to make her squirm. She let out a growl when I bypassed her mouth in favor of her neck, nipping it softly. An even louder growl escaped her lips when my hand finally dipped between her legs, ghosting my fingers over her clit. "You're so beautiful, Helga." I whispered, finally sinking two fingers inside her. It never ceased to amaze me how wet she gets just from a little foreplay. "I see someone's excited." My right hand joined in on the party, circling my thumb over that magnificent spot she loved so much.
"Are you kidding? I've been waiting for your dick all day, football head! You fucking tease." Her hips moved in synch along with the thrust my fingers. For as long as I live, I could never get tired of watching her writhe underneath me in pure ecstasy. She really was dangerously sexy. Tonight was going to be a challenge for me to keep myself in check. "Shit. I'm already close- Agh! Wait!" Her fingers wrapped around one of my wrists, halting my movements. "Are you good to go? Because I can't take it anymore!" Her other hand reached inside my boxers to release my erection. "Just as I suspected." She was practically purring, stroking me a few times and teasing the tip with her thumb.
I momentarily closed my eyes, savoring her warm yet demanding touch. "You sure you're ready?" I slid my fingers out of her so I could take my boxers off. She wordlessly spread her legs as an invitation. Her flushed face and grin said it all: Take me. I positioned myself on top of her, placing a kiss on her forehead. Helga's moans were echoing through the apartment as I pressed into her.
"Fuck!" She pulled our bodies flushed together, kissing me and raking her fingers through my hair and harshly bucking her hips to meet mine. I knew exactly what she was doing; trying to spur me on. She wanted me to go harder. Thank God I've been learning her cues. I picked up the force of my thrusts, deciding to try something I hadn't done with her yet. I took her legs and held them in the crook of my arms, pulling them up to my shoulders so I could hit even deeper than usual. She cried out so loudly it almost made me stop. The words coming from her mouth sounded like she was speaking in tongues. I think I was doing something she liked? Would she tell me if she didn't?
I was completely caught off guard when her muscles suddenly began pulsing around me without warning. Did she just?... Without being touched? "Agh!" A strangled moan escaped me while I bit the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to come just because she did. Feeling her come was too overwhelmingly erotic. Control yourself!
Helga must have realized how hard I was trying to hold on so we could continue. I was pretty sure my face was contorted in ways that would normally make her hysterically laugh. Instead, she peppered kisses up my neck and whispered breathlessly in my ear, "Do it. Fill me up."
It was game over. Once the dirty talk started, I couldn't stop the inevitable. I nearly blacked out when I finally came. My hips weakly thrusted a few more times before finally giving out on me when I pulled out of her.
God, when did I become so bad at holding back?
I settled myself next to her, totally depleted from my orgasm. She stroked my hair and kissed my temple when I nuzzled my face against her shoulder to catch my breath and regain my composure. "What the hell, football head? I've never been able to come like that before. Fucking shit. Give a girl some warning when you're gonna start experimenting! You were practically rearranging my guts with your dick."
A sense of pride welled up in me, despite her graphic verbiage. "Really? You haven't come hands free before?"
"Absolutely not. Holy shit!" I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better look at her. She was rosy cheeked, sweaty and exhausted. But to me, she had never looked more beautiful. "You know I'm expecting that every time now." She laughed, playfully poking my cheek and giving me a languid, lingering kiss.
"I'll give you whatever you want, Helga." And I meant it. I wanted to make her happy.
Plus, I finally did something that bastard couldn't do.
I finally outfoxed you, Jason Fox.
** Three Months Later ** - October
"Hey, Jason. I think you put this tribal mask in the wrong section." I carefully held the mask up with gloved hands. "This was made earlier, with primitive techniques."
Jason looked up from the mountain of documents he was going through, pulling his reading glasses down his nose for a better look at what I was presenting to him. "No, it's in the right place. It belongs with the other one. They're a pair."
Here we go again.
"Tell me then, almighty knowing one." I deadpanned. "How are they a pair?"
He removed his glasses with a sigh. "Alright, Arnold." He grabbed a pair of gloves and joined me at the table. "You said this was made with primitive techniques, yes? That's why it doesn't belong with the other mask?"
"That's exactly what I just said."
"You're partially correct. It was made with a different set of tools. But, if you look at this-" he grabbed the other mask, setting them side by side. "This mask is smoother and has been lacquered and painted. It's a finished product of its time. The mask in question is clearly different, no doubt about it. The design that was carved into it is more jagged, indicative of an older method of application. Perhaps a spearhead and rock?" He pulled a magnifying glass from his coat pocket, holding it over one of the intricate carvings, imploring me to examine it along with him. "Very rough looking." He moved it to the other mask "Smoothly applied, no rough edges."
"You're doing that thing where you're blabbering on about random things." I was growing more and more irritated.
He gave me a 'hold your fucking horses' look, pulling both masks upright to display the top. "Take a good look at the wood grain, study its pattern. It's the same for both masks. Meaning the raw wood came from the same tree, at the same time. But that wasn't what immediately gave it away for me." He set the masks back down, putting his index fingers on each one. "The design remains dutifully the same. No variations. Which means: our craftsman was playing with different methods of execution. The rougher looking mask is an unfinished prototype, most likely because they didn't like the outcome of the design. The other mask was fully completed using a newer, refined method from its predecessor. It's fascinating once you realize it! We're seeing the evolution of their artistry."
Shit. He was right. God dammit.
"How in the world did you learn so much about WOOD? Last time I checked, anthropology majors don't have carpentry as part of their curriculum." To be fair, it's not that I was opposed to being proven wrong and learning something new… I just didn't like learning from him.
"It's less about the wood for me, and more about the details. I've always liked studying the little things people overlook. Even when I was a kid, I was nose deep in history and science books! Sure, being a 'nerd' got my ass kicked by bullies quite a few times, but… It was totally worth it." He smiled to himself, putting the masks back together where they belonged. "Everyone in this field usually excels at certain aspects of the job, especially the things they're passionate about. Like for example, you have such an intense connection with the Green Eyed people's culture, it's fascinating to hear your observations and thoughts! You're always giving me something to think about after our discussions with Marsden." Jason could tell by my unamused look that I wasn't buying the bullshit he was selling. "Look, at the end of the day both of us bring something different to the table, and I think that's why Marsden paired us together. When the museum's exhibit is finally ready for the public, we'll be the perfect curators of this collection."
"… Right." I was using all my willpower to not roll my eyes at him.
Over the last few months of working with Jason in the archives, I've inadvertently learned a few things about him: He's ridiculously meticulous about everything down to the smallest detail, he's also a walking encyclopedia of random knowledge. Every day during our lunch break he's usually reading whatever anthropological dissertation he managed to scrounge up from the college library, only taking a bite of his sandwich whenever he has to turn the page. All in all; he's insufferably smart. I've also learned that he's become obsessed with trying to hook up with Marsden's secretary, Roxanne, who thwarts his efforts at every opportunity. I found it rather comical to watch him aim for someone way out of his league. She was 27 years old, a statuesque blue-eyed blonde, and she was deadly efficient as a secretary despite her head turning good looks. There was no time for nonsense in her world, and in her eyes, Jason was pure nonsense.
Helga: 'I'm stopping by the museum during my lunch break. I want to eat with you over there for once! Be there in about 10 minutes.'
I text back with 'Looking forward to it! See you soon!'
Jason was already back at work with his mountain of papers, chewing on his bottom lip in concentration. He was probably going to be working on it for a while before he took a break. "I'll be back later." His eyes never left his work, but he vaguely hummed in acknowledgement.
Helga seemed to be in an extra good mood today, she practically squealed in excitement when she saw me waiting for her at the archive's basement entrance. "There's my football head." She wrapped one of her arms around my waist, fitting herself perfectly against my side.
"Hey baby." I kissed her cheek. "Lucy isn't holding you hostage this afternoon? I'm surprised!" After enduring Lucy's rigorous hazing, she finally allowed Helga to get a glimpse of her manuscripts, even letting her edit some chapters of her current novel when she was in a particularly good mood.
"Lucy is meditating again." She rolled her eyes. "It'll be a few hours before she decides to 'let the words flow', as she puts it." I saw an insulated bag in her other hand. She held it up when she noticed me staring at it. "Lunch! Made by yours truly." Helga had recently asked Liz to help her learn to cook. She claimed it was because she was tired of pizza and burgers every night. I'd be prone to believe that, but I heard her admit to Phoebe on the phone that she wanted to do something more 'girlfriendly' for me. I found her newfound enthusiasm endearing.
"I can't wait." I took the bag to carry it for her and opened the archives door. "The break room is empty. He's doing paperwork right now. So, there won't be any interruptions!" Helga laughed and shook her head in amusement. "C'mon." I grinned.
Helga and I don't get the chance to meet at the museum very often, let alone to share a meal together at lunch. We've occasionally been able to align our schedules to meet at the diner, or eat at the park together, but it was super rare. I've also avoided having her come to the museum as much as possible, for obvious reasons. I wasn't particularly interested in a Helga/Jason reunion in the basement archives.
"I brought sandwiches and pasta salad." Helga opened the insulated bag and pulled various items from it. She had an entire spread of drinks, chips, and fruit as well.
"I'm impressed!" I pulled her chair out for her before plopping down next to her. "Thank you for doing this, baby."
She was practically beaming. "You're welcome, and I'm sorry if the salad sucks. I was on the phone with Liz for 20 minutes trying to figure out how to make the dressing. Cooking is fucking complicated." She put a mouthful of the salad in her mouth, chewing slowly and analyzing it. "Not bad. Miriam's done worse." She froze with her fork midair. The subject of her parents became a taboo topic for her. Helga had agreed to start therapy again after everything that happened when we were moving in together, and she was currently seeing her new therapist every Wednesday evening. I would never ask her what they talk about, but I had a gut feeling there were a lot of conversations about her mother and father. I was just relieved that she had someone impartial to talk to about things.
Instead of commenting on her obvious discomfort, I placed my hand over hers in her lap, gently stroking her knuckles. "It's delicious!" I took another bite of the salad for emphasis.
Her hand turned over, lacing our fingers together. "Thank you." She cleared her throat, shaking her head to snap herself out of it. "By the way, Liz is coming over tonight. She wants to teach me how to make some chicken dish I've never heard of, but she swears it's good."
"Does that woman ever rest?" I laughed. "She's six months pregnant."
"Louis said she still teaches her art class at the community center every weekend on top of her office job during the week, and now she's helping my stupid ass learn how to cook. I guess I shouldn't have imposed. But I really wanted to be able to cook you something special for your birthday this weekend!" She looked away sheepishly. "I just wanted to be more… You know… dependable."
Be still, my heart. "I don't think Liz would have agreed to help you if she didn't want to. You've been really kind to her, and I know she appreciates it." I leaned closer, "And for the record, you don't have to force yourself to be domestic or whatever. I love you regardless of how much food you can or can't cook. But it's sweet of you to think of me, too."
"We live together. I want you to be able to rely on me, like a wif-… good girlfriend." She blushed when I gave her a wide-eyed stare. "You know what I mean, dammit!"
"I do rely on you, and I hope you rely on me." I held her left hand up, examining her empty ring finger. "So… Wife, huh? Are you proposing for my birthday?" I teased.
"Oh, shut up Arnoldo!" She laughed, pulling her hand away and playfully slapping my arm.
What? A guy can dream.
After we finished eating, Helga began putting the Tupperware back in her bag. "This was a nice surprise. I hope we can do it again soon." I helped her gather the last few items to pack away. "What time are you-" My lunch nearly made a reappearance when I saw Jason emerge from a door across the hall. He was currently looking at his phone, still unaware of Helga's presence just a few feet away from him.
"Arnold?- WHA!" I grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to me.
"Sorry, I needed a snuggle." Great excuse, genius. Luckily her back was to him, so she remained clueless of the reason behind my erratic behavior. Jason's gaze finally lifted from his phone screen and immediately met mine. He could clearly see Helga wrapped up in my arms. My eyes flicked down to meet hers before she realized I was looking elsewhere. "I love you."
Helga was obviously perplexed by my random declaration, but smiled, nonetheless. "I love you too, ya weirdo."
Jason was still watching us with a curious expression, so I leaned in and kissed her. After a few seconds I opened my eyes to glare directly at him. I also gave him a great view of me grabbing her butt. Fuck you, Jason. His eyebrows lifted in surprise, and he finally turned to his left and went down the hall.
"Geez, Arnoldo! What's got you so wound up? You're gonna get fired."
"I can't help it!" I chuckled. "You're irresistible. If this break room had a lock, you'd be doomed."
"I think that's my cue to leave, stud muffin." She grabbed me by the chin and placed another kiss on my lips. "See you at home?"
"Yep. I look forward to dinner." I reached out to touch her again, but she pulled away, wagging her finger at me. She slipped out the door without another word. "Bye babyyyy!" I called out in a singsong voice.
"She's right, you know." Jason casually entered the room from the opposite direction Helga had left from. "Getting freaky at work is typically a fireable offence." He chuckled. "So, I assume that little show was some sort of message for me?"
"The only message I have for you is Leave. Her. Alone." My eyes narrowed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to finish up before I leave today."
He grabbed my shoulder as I attempted to walk by him. "I told you a billion times already, I'm not trying to get between you two. We've both moved on! Using her body as a visual aid isn't necessary."
You're at work, keep your cool. "I would greatly appreciate it if you would keep your hands off of me, Jason." I ducked away from his touch, quickly going back to the artifacts room before I said things I shouldn't say.
Like how I already knew he wasn't an actual threat.
** Two Months Later ** - Christmas Eve
The Christmas season hit us before we even had time to prepare any sort of decorations for our apartment. With my job and hers taking up most of our free time, our décor was reduced to a single snow globe featuring a red cardinal on our coffee table. It was quite pitiful. I always imagined our holidays would be full of lights, wreaths, and a grand tree with bountiful presents beneath it. I wanted this Christmas in particular to be special for Helga. It was our first as a couple, and the first since disowning her family. Now more than ever she deserved to experience the holidays the way it was supposed to be! Helga insisted that decorations and presents didn't matter to her, and that she was content just to be spending her holidays with me. I still felt guilty about letting time get away from me and not giving her the full holiday experience. But I DID remember to get her a Christmas present. We planned on giving our gifts before we went to my grandparents' house for Christmas Eve dinner. She claimed she didn't want to exchange presents in front of an 'audience', nor did she want to wait until Christmas morning like everyone else usually does. That girl will always remain an enigma to me.
While Helga was upstairs finishing getting ready to head out to my grandparents', I put the final touch on Helga's gift at the kitchen counter: a pink bow on top. I really am a sap. "Helga!" I called up into the loft as I sat down on the couch. "Present time! Get your sexy butt down here."
Helga practically threw her top half over the railing to sneer at me. "Don't think for one second that I won't drag you up here and fuck your brains out all night long instead of going out. You know I don't like this whole 'peace on earth and goodwill' bullshit."
Why did she have to be in a sour mood today of all days?
To be fair, she hadn't gotten much sleep the last 48 hours. Lucy surprised Helga with a tight deadline that was cut off right at the start of the new year. She was in editor purgatory for the last week, and pushed herself even harder to finish before Christmas so she wouldn't have to think about it anymore and could relax for a few weeks.
I could hear her stomping down the staircase, making zero attempt to mask her dourness. "Here." She sat on the couch and presented a wrapped box to me, suddenly looking shy.
The wrapping paper was jungle themed, with all the animals wearing Santa hats. I was dying to say how cute it was but refrained in fear of tipping her scale towards anger yet again. I carefully removed the paper, not wanting to rip it. After all, she picked it for my present, so it was precious to me. "Whoa!" Inside the box was an elaborate nightlight projector, used for casting an image of the stars on the ceiling.
"I know you miss your skylight at the boarding house." She bit her lip. "It can't replace the real thing, but-"
I cut her off with a gentle kiss, stroking her jaw with my thumb. "This was such a thoughtful idea. I love it!" No matter how much she claimed to not care about the holidays, it was clear she did.
"I'm glad." She blushed. "You're hard to buy shit for, you know that? Trying to pick that thing out nearly gave me an aneurism. Crimeny!"
"No, trust me, you are the difficult one to shop for!" I laughed, recalling how many days I spent contemplating what to get her. "Let me get yours." I went into the kitchen and grabbed the small box on the counter. When I joined her again on the couch, she looked at the box with an eyebrow raised. "Calm down, I'm not proposing in our living room."
"Good. A couch proposal would be an all-time low for you in the romance department." She held her hand out, and I placed the gift in it. The look on her face was still one of skepticism as she examined the box in her palm. Her eyes met mine, and I motioned for her to open it. She slowly cracked the lid open, revealing a gold chain necklace attached to a small monogram 'AS' with an opal gem on the lower point of the letter S.
"There's more!" I motioned for her to wait while I fished inside my left pocket, producing a black woven leather bracelet with a thin silver band wrapped around the center, adorned with a monogram 'HP' with an aquamarine gem at the bottom of the P. I held mine up next to hers. "Our initials and birthstones." I chuckled nervously, realizing she hadn't said a word. "I know it's kind of cheesy, but I thought it would be a nice way to have a piece of each other with us no matter where we are in the world. They're inconspicuous, so nobody would really notice what they are but us-"
"You're cute, football head." She held the necklace up, dangling it in front of her. "I secretly carried a locket with your picture with me every single day for over a decade. It was my treasure." Her other hand gently cupped the letters, taking a closer look at it. "I don't have to hide my love for you anymore. Even if this monogram was the size of a brick, I would still wear it with pride… Because you're mine. I'd shout it from the rooftops every single day if I could." She handed me the necklace and turned her back to me. "Put it on for me, please?"
God, I love her.
"Of course." I opened the clasp and slipped the chain over her head. "It feels kind of symbolic, doesn't it?" I murmured, securing the necklace around her neck, placing a kiss against her skin when I was finished. When she turned back around, I handed her my bracelet and held out my left wrist. "It's only fair, right? Go ahead." The entire scenario felt way more intimate than I imagined it would be. It almost felt like we were exchanging rings instead. Seeing my initials hanging around her neck made me feel a warm sensation in my heart. We're in love with each other. This is real.
"It's kind of like friendship bracelets, but way more expensive… and more sex involved." She mused with a laugh, her fingers brushing over the engraved HP now adorning my wrist. "It's times like this that I still have to remind myself I'm not dreaming."
I took her hand in mine and laced our fingers together. "I know what you mean."
"Thank you. I'll treasure this… forever." Her eyes were welling up with happy tears. "Merry Christmas, Arnold." She leaned in for a kiss, sighing in contentment when I placed my hand on the side of her neck, gently pulling her closer.
I knew things were going to get out of hand if I let this continue any further. Her fingertips were already tracing over my inner thigh, as if she was testing me to see how far I'd let her go. I started pulling away, but she wouldn't let up, pushing me down against the couch cushions and falling on top of me. "Baby. My grandparents are expecting us in an hour. Mmm!" She brazenly cupped my crotch over my jeans, palming me until my erection was straining against the fabric.
"At least let me suck you off. Please?" Her breathing was ragged. I must have flipped a switch for her at some point. "I want your cock in my mouth." It was almost predatory the way she was hovering over me. "Let me win for once." I bit my lip to suppress the obscenities on the tip of my tongue, and simply nodded in reply. "Tell me you want it."
Helga Pataki was going to be the death of me. There was something about dirty talk coming from my mouth that really revved up her engine. I knew she loved it, but I was still tentative with my wording most of the time, feeling self conscious whenever I tried to appease her. Even though a blush was practically burning my cheeks, I said the words she wanted to hear. "… I want you to suck my dick." The guttural moan that came from her mouth was almost enough to make me come on the spot right there in my pants, without any stimulation at all. "Shit."
She made quick work of undoing the button my my jeans and freeing my erection from my boxers. Her mouth was on me before I could even blink. After a few initial licks and strokes she grabbed my hand and placed it on the back of her head as she completely enveloped the tip of my cock in her mouth. Ever since graduation night, Helga would occasionally encourage me to be rougher with her during oral sex. She said she liked it when I took control of her, that it turned her on. I didn't have a problem trying to be more assertive, but I was never as brazen as I was that night in the closet. I was far too drunk to realize just how unhinged the sex was at the time.
You can do it, don't be a chicken.
I firmly gripped her hair, guiding her movements up and down. "More." I whispered. "Your mouth… harder." My head craned back into the cushions when she suctioned her lips tighter around me, exactly like I asked her to. My hips bucked, brushing the tip of my dick against the back of her throat and holding it there.
She slapped my thigh after a few seconds, and I immediately released her so she could pull back. "Fuck!" She gasped, taking several deep breaths, sputtering and coughing.
I sat up in panic. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine!" She pressed against my chest to lay me back down in a hurry. "I'm just out of practice, that's all." We made eye contact for several seconds before I let her continue. She stuck her tongue out and teased the underside of the head, using her hand to pump the length of my dick and lapping up the drops of pre come weeping out. "I guess this means you'll need to fuck my throat more often."
The metaphorical coil in my lower half was getting tighter. It didn't help that her fist had taken over for her tongue on the tip, making the most erotic squishing sound from her saliva and rapid stroking. We both knew she was rushing me to finish because our plans this evening were already running late. "Helga." My tone was wary, and I started tensing up in anticipation. "I'm about to come. Tissues!-" her lips wrapped around the head just as my come started spurting out. "FUCK!" Everything after that became hazy. The only sensations I could register were taking place down below. After a few moments of silence, I heard her gulp. "Fuck." I repeated, not realizing how delirious I probably sounded.
I shivered when her mouth released me with one final swirl of her tongue. "That was fucking hot, football head." She sat herself back up, licking the corners of her mouth and watching me through half lidded eyes, clearly satisfied with her handiwork. "Shit, I need to change my pants before we leave. My underwear is soaking wet."
My God.
"Are you trying to provoke me?" I was slowly regaining bodily function, enough to sit up from the couch cushions. "You're lucky we don't have time for anything else right now." Nothing would make me happier than returning the favor, but time wasn't on our side.
"Look at it this way Arnoldo, now you have plenty of time to plan your next attack." Her eyes traveled down to my lap. "Actually… I think we both need to change our pants."
I followed her gaze, gasping in horror at the mixture of saliva and come splattered on the front of my jeans. "Dammit, Helga! We're running late as it is!" I groaned into my palms, falling back against the cushions once again.
"Worth it." She snickered.
** New Years Eve **
"Cheers, my dudes!" Louis held out his glass for a toast, aptly filled with soda as the designated driver.
"CHEERS!" Gerald and I clinked our drinks with his.
Even though it was still fairly early in the evening, the bar was packed. New Years Eve brought in crowds regardless of the time of day. Louis called us up and insisted we had a get together one last time before the baby arrived, which could be any day now. Helga and Phoebe were invited to join us as well, but they decided they wanted to have a girl's night in so they could catch up while Phoebe was in town.
"So, Louis… How are things going?" I inquired, setting my chin in the palm of my hand. We spent the last hour chattering away about work, but I could tell Louis called this gathering because he wanted to talk. I was already feeling a little buzzed, so I needed to slow my roll a bit to keep my wits about me.
"Well… Good, I think? I can't really tell anymore where Liz and I stand. Logic and reason go out the window when you're dealing with a hormonal, heavily pregnant woman." He sighed, "She's letting me stay in her guest room until we figure out what we're going to do about custody. But for now, she wants me to be around for the first few months, you know? It's not like we're on the verge of a custody battle or anything. I just want to be a good dad to my kid." He chuckled, realizing how insane it sounded coming from his mouth. He's someone's dad. "The relationship stuff is what confuses me more than anything else."
"You haven't made progress with her? Talked about it?" Gerald set his pint of beer down on the table, giving Louis a pat on the back. "I mean, you two made a freakin kid together. There needs to be a conversation about your relationship at some point."
"We've talked… if you could call it that. I told her I would do whatever she wanted to do. That's basically where we've left things for months now. Until… well…"
Gerald and I leaned in closer, fully invested now. "Until?" I gave him an expectant look.
"She was in a really bad mood the other day because she was just… Tired. The end stages of pregnancy are brutal." He grimaced. "She told me that having sex can sometimes induce labor-"
"Oooooh shit!" Gerald giggled. Apparently, I wasn't the only one feeling the effects of alcohol.
"I didn't do it!" Louis rolled his eyes at Gerald's outburst. "I told her I didn't want to do it under those pretenses. We aren't even dating! But she got super upset with me after that, saying I was disgusted by her body now."
"Hormones are a strange thing. I'm sure she'll understand eventually."
"Totally!" Gerald nodded. "So, is she still upset with you now?"
"One day she's fine, and the next she's super irritated! I can't win. Yesterday I almost gave in because I was getting so flustered by her mood swings. But the logical part of my brain knew better. I love her, and I'm willing to be patient."
Louis has really matured over the years. His behavior now was a far cry from when we first met in our freshman year of college. He was always the lovable airhead you could count on to liven up a party. Now he's 23 years old and expecting his first child. It makes me realize that I've grown up in various ways, too. My freshman year revolved mainly around the frat house and Trixie. I kept blinders on when it came to my own feelings, and I did what others expected of me. It's no wonder why Helga was so frustrated with me at the time.
"Arnold!" Gerald waved his hand in front of my face. When did I start spacing out? "Back me up over here! Louis still refuses to tell us if the kid is a boy or girl."
"You don't have to wait much longer, dude! We considered doing one of those stupid gender reveals back when we found out, but we thought it would be more fun to keep everyone guessing."
"It's gotta be a boy!" He grinned. "There's no way you'd be this calm about it if you were having a girl. Your fragile little heart couldn't handle raising a girl!"
"What makes you think that!?" I laughed. "I think he'd be a great 'girl dad'. He's got the perfect temperament. Look how he managed to win Helga over! That's the ultimate test."
We were cut off by Louis' laughter. "You two are nuts! I never cared either way, to be honest. I just want them to be happy and healthy."
"Well, I hope you're ready, daddy-o! Fatherhood is for life." Gerald pointed towards him, slightly off center from the amount of alcohol in his system.
Most guys our age would be trembling in fear at the 'for life' comment. Louis simply smiled at him. "I'm looking forward to it."
Louis drove us home a little after 11, just in time for me to ring in the new year with Helga. I was only slightly wobbly on my feet after bar hopping all evening. It felt like I was slowly losing a battle with gravity. I just hoped Helga wouldn't be too annoyed by my drunkenness.
"Baby! I'm hooooome!" I stumbled over the threshold. So much for keeping my intoxication subtle. I immediately noticed Phoebe sleeping on the couch. "Oh shit!" My hand covered my mouth to silence myself.
"Shhhh! You dumbass!" Helga appeared over the railing with her finger to her mouth. "Get up here!" I teetered up the spiral staircase, trying my best to keep myself upright despite the extra challenge of confusing architecture for a drunk person. She welcomed me at the top of the stairs with open arms. "Welcome home my little cuuuuutie!"
Wait a minute…
"You're drunk toooooo!" I giggled, wrapping my arms around her waist and lifting her with a twirl. The sudden movement caused us to almost topple over onto the floor. "Oops." I set her back down. "Why is Phoebe still here?"
"DRUNK!" She half whispered; half shouted. "6 mojitos will fuck your shit up, Arnoldo. I almost busted my ass getting up here!"
"Not your ass! I love your ass."
"I KNOW!" She dramatically flung herself into my arms. "Louis told me once that my ass is FANTASTIC!"
"He's not wrong." I furrowed my brows in thought. "Why was he looking at your ass? That pervert!" Just as she was getting ready to reply, another thought crossed my mind. "What time is it?"
"Fuck if I know." She lazily grinned at me, slinking from my arms and on to the bed with a soft thud.
I checked my watch, squinting at the much too small numbers for my impaired vision. "Only a few minutes left." I joined her on the bed. "Do I get a midnight kiss?"
Her eyes widened "What if Phoebe hears us!?"
"It's a KISS, baby! We're not making a porno… not today anyway." I vaguely realized how ridiculously drunk I was, but my realization wasn't enough for me to care. I was enjoying myself for now… until the hangover hits.
"5… 4… 3… 2… 1" She leaned over for a drunken, sloppy kiss. "Happy New Year!"
"Happy New Year, baby." I extended my arm to the side, inviting her to snuggle. She scooted closer and happily accepted. "This was a nice way to bring in the new year. For once there wasn't a crazy party, or drunk frat guys trying to hit on you while you were too drunk to realize it. I always had to spend way too much time chasing them off! Now I have you alllllll to myself." I squeezed her for emphasis and placed a kiss on her temple.
Her head snapped up "They were trying to fuck me!? And you were jealous!? Oh, Arnold!" she swooned. "Wait… New Years… Fucking… OH SHIT!" she sat up. "It's our anniversary!"
My brain was currently in overdrive trying to process simple words, let alone manage to comprehend whatever the hell she just said. "uhhhhh… We started dating in April, didn't we?" I sat up next to her. "HOW LONG WERE WE LYING HERE!?"
"No, stupid!" She lightly smacked me over the head. "Think about it… One year ago today, what were you doing?"
"I was at the frat party?"
"For a portion of the night, yes." Her fingers gripped my shirt, pulling us nose to nose. "You spent the rest of the night in my bed, fucking me."
I didn't need to be sober to conjure images of that memory in my mind. "Oh yeah… I remember! You kissed me and got me hard, and then you left the frat house all pissed off at me. All I could think about was pinning you underneath me and making you scream my name."
"Holy shit." Her hand gripped my thigh. "That's so fucking hot-"
"Don't even think about it, you two! You haven't whispered this entire time. I would rather not have to endure listening to the last steps of your mating ritual!" Phoebe's unamused shouting from the living room broke us out of whatever drunken trance we were in.
"Sorry Phoebs! We aren't fucking, I swear!"
"Thank goodness." she muttered. "Go to sleep, you drunks."
Helga and I took one look at each other and began cackling.
I gotta say, writing scenes between Arnold and Helga while they're drunk is SO fucking funny. Arnold becomes an absolute himbo, and Helga is about as perceptive as a rock.
So, here's the deal: the next chapter will be the last 'regular' chapter, followed up by an epilogue. I can't believe this series is FINALLY gonna be finished! I never thought it would happen, to be honest.