CHAPTER 12:
AFFIRMATION
The next day, to try and get over the whole mess at Clock Tower, Harry suggested that the five of them take a trip to Blackpool Pleasure Beach. Everyone agreed, though Hermione and Delphi suggested that they split up. Harry and Barghest could do their thing as a date of sorts, while Hermione acted as the responsible adult to Delphi and Melusine (despite Delphi being a competent if chaotic gremlin of a teenager, and Melusine technically being over a century old as Melusine, and billions of years old as Albion) as they went elsewhere.
He'd gone on outings with Barghest before in public, but she had gently insisted on holding his hand. They made an odd couple. While he had grown since his time at the Dursleys, Barghest still towered over him somewhat. Many in the crowds stared at the Amazonian woman and her escort.
Still, as he looked around as the pair of them walked through the theme park, he muttered, "Merlin, all these Nickelodeon attractions all over the place."
"Nickelodeon?" Barghest asked.
"An American TV channel specialising in kids' shows. Some of them are good, but…I'm not a fan of some of them," Harry remarked.
Barghest nodded, even as she looked around. "Garish, flashy, noisy…I'm a little surprised some Changeling didn't try and recreate a theme park in our Lostbelt," she said quietly. "The Fae would have loved it. Or burned it down for their amusement."
"I get the feeling the Fae weren't big on health and safety," Harry observed. "I wouldn't go on any rollercoaster they cooked up. So, which one do you want to go on first?"
A few hours and several attractions later, they were going to meet the others for lunch, but Barghest insisted on having a snack before then. On a whim, she had gone to a stall and purchased fairy floss. The name itself was part of what attracted her(1).
Harry had noticed she didn't quite seem to enjoy the rides as much as he had hoped. Oh, she was interested, intrigued, but she remained rather calm and serene on the rollercoasters they went on. The Ghost Train made her react a bit more, but she didn't startle easily. He supposed when you were a Fae warrior capable of moving at speeds the average car would envy, and fought in battles he couldn't dream of, a mundane theme park ride paled by comparison.
"Any good?" Harry asked as she scarfed down the pink-coloured fluffy mass of sugar.
She nodded, but concentrated on devouring the fairy floss before replying. Once she had finished, she said, "Believe it or not, we had a not-dissimilar confectionary brought in by Changelings. It was also spun by magic, not by machine." She looked around the theme park, her expression softening. "We did not have amusement parks, but we had fairs. I remember taking Adonis to…" She stumbled to a stop, both in speech and gait, her pale blue eyes glistening with moisture, even as she stared into the distance.
Harry looked to her. "Barghest?"
After a moment, she shook her head, wiping away the tears. "Forgive me for that unseemly display."
"There's nothing to forgive, Barghest," Harry said gently, guessing it was something to do with her last lover. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Her expression became conflicted, before she said, "Once we get home, yes. Though there is one thing I wish to talk about now."
To distract herself from her final lover's tragic demise at her hands, Harry thought, but he didn't voice those thoughts. Instead, he asked, "What's that?"
"I'm curious as to why humans enjoy things that simulate danger. Rollercoasters, the Ghost Train. In the Lostbelt, a number of humans enjoyed participating in tourneys. I understand enjoying the thrill of battle with less of the danger, but is it the same with these rides?"
Harry shrugged. "I guess. There's such a thing as an adrenaline rush, and there's people who do dangerous things just for the rush. Skydiving, bungee-jumping, climbing steep cliffs or buildings. Hermione could probably tell you the science behind that stuff. She told me about stuff like anhedonia and the dopaminergic pathways, stuff like that. Some people used to accuse me of being a thrillseeker. I dunno whether that means I'm an adrenaline junkie, or used to be. Whatever I am, I get enough out of working with the Enforcers."
"And indulging your saving people thing?" Barghest asked wryly.
Harry chuckled, though it died off into a more bitter sound. "Often times, when we go after Magi who have taken people as guinea pigs, it's too late for the poor sods. Oh, we've managed to rescue more than a few. I should tell you about that time we raided Atrum Galliasta one day. Now there was a nasty piece of work. But other times, they've been vivisected or cursed or eaten by some ravenous monster or a combination of the previous…and that's not uncommon. I hate it when they've been researching Dead Apostles. Those are often the worst kind of experiments. Remember how I told you about Kiritsugu Emiya? His bastard of a father was doing that sort of research, and ended up turning Kiritsugu's best friend into a Dead Apostle. And you remember when we first met, Ramsay Nyder turning people into Black Dogs."
"I do. And he was incompetent in doing so. Those beasts were in pain, more so than from my summoning," Barghest said. "Still, Harry, you claim not to be a hero, but I believe otherwise. Even though you were shoehorned into the role, you still continue to do much good, and of your own will. Despite everything you went through. I admire your heart, and envy it."
"Don't be like that, Barghest. You've got a good heart too." To emphasize the point, he clasped her hand in his own, squeezing gently. After a moment, she gently squeezed it back, acknowledging his simple reassurance. Even if she didn't believe what he said, she at least believed his desire to help her…
When they got back to the others, Melusine looked even more bored than Barghest. The embodiment of Albion seemed to be more enthusiastic about her lunch than the attractions. Then again, considering she could fly faster than any supersonic aircraft out there with ease, and seemed to enjoy flying in a way even Harry couldn't, he could sort of understand.
Of course, it was also amusing to see the incarnation of a dragon potentially as old if not older than the Earth itself act like a bored child. True, Melusine had enough power that she could wreak some serious havoc out of boredom, which made Harry thankful that she had something like a working moral compass. That, and a sense of restraint and decorum.
Thankfully, Melusine agreed to stay for a while longer. He got the feeling the dragon girl was doing this more for Barghest's sake than her own. But a couple of hours later, they headed back to Oxford. Barghest had enjoyed herself, but the spectre of her past still hung over them throughout the rest of their trip.
After getting back, Barghest had asked Harry to see her in her room. Harry had only been in there to clean it a few times, and asked her permission first. He tried to avoid using House-Elves for various reasons, and besides, a mixture of cleaning spells, chemicals and appliances did the trick.
The room had actually been Sirius', back when he fled 12 Grimmauld Place and shacked up with the Potters, prior to Potter Manor being attacked and his grandparents dying, anyway. The irony of a Fae who was actually an embodiment of a monstrous dog sleeping in the same room as his 'dogfather' appealed to him. He wondered idly what Sirius would have made of her, or indeed Remus or his parents.
Unlike Sirius, who'd festooned the walls with Muggle rock band posters, a guitar, and movie posters like Rebel Without a Cause, Barghest's idea of décor was, surprisingly for those not acquainted with the Fae woman, rather more subdued. She'd gotten a couple of framed paintings showing twilit scenes, which she told him reminded her of the perpetually pink and orange hues of her native timeline's daytime sky. On one wall, a bracket held her sword, though she could summon it to her hand thanks to the abilities Morgan gave her. A massive bookshelf filled with a variety of books stood against another wall, as was a dresser with a mirror.
Of course, what actually gained his attention was Barghest, who sat down on the side of the bed, and indicated for Harry to join her. He did, and waited, hoping she would talk without prompting. He would prompt her if need be, but he wanted her to be comfortable enough to talk about it.
Eventually, she said, "The last time I had a happy memory with Adonis was at a travelling fair that had come to Manchester. The atmosphere at Blackpool reminded me so much of it, all those people, all that festivity. But…later that night…" She began to sob softly.
"The curse took you, and forced you to devour him?" Harry said gently, in horrified realisation.
She nodded, even as tears ran from her eyes. "Even as I tore into him, he smiled. Oh, he screamed in pain, but…his last words were 'I forgive you, Ghesty'. And then…and then…" Her hand went to her mouth. "How can you stand to be near such a monster?" she asked, her voice husky with sorrow and self-loathing.
"Because I know you're not a monster, Barghest. I saw parts of your memories, remember. I felt the same horror and disgust you did towards yourself when I saw the memories leading up to your memories being sealed by Vortigern. A true monster wouldn't feel remorse for what they did. A true monster wouldn't have empathy for others. And that was your curse doing that, forcing you to eat your lovers. Honestly, I'm more uneasy at what you did under Morgan's orders, and even then, I know you were trying to protect Fae Britain, that you tried to help others whenever you could. You took on Foulweather because you not only wanted to stop his crimes against his people, but also because you wanted his power to stop the Mors from plaguing your people."
After this, he gently clasped her hand again. As she looked to him, he continued, "I don't see a monster sitting beside me, Barghest. I would never let a monster be this close to me or Delphi. I see a woman who is beautiful inside and out. And Adonis chose to stay with you, despite knowing what could have happened. Because he cared for you, because he loved you. It's fine if you want to atone for what you did, that's good, but…try not to let the guilt eat up your life completely. I speak from experience."
"Experience?"
"Once upon a time, I actually considered joining the Unspeakables. The main reason was that I hoped to have access to Time-Turners and their research," Harry confessed. "I wanted to see if there was a way to create a Time-Turner that could go back at least decades. I wanted to because…too many people had died who shouldn't have, thanks to Voldemort, thanks to Dumbledore. Hermione and Luna barely talked me out of it, but…I was in a bad way for a long time, until I found Delphi. I don't regret killing her father, or the death of her mother. But…I knew what it was like to be an unloved orphan, and what that bitch Euphemia Rowle was putting her through…it wasn't as bad as the Dursleys, but she still wouldn't have gotten any love. I felt guilty for making her an orphan, on top of what happened with everything else. I wanted her to have a better childhood than I did."
"And that speaks greatly to your character," Barghest said, before a morose expression resettled on her face. "Better than mine."
"Don't ever sell yourself short, Barghest! I keep telling you, you're a good person, beautiful inside and out! Yes, you've got flaws, problems, but that's true of everyone! Barghest, look at me!" She did, albeit reluctantly. "It's not a crime for you to want to be happy," he said quietly. "Not if you don't want to be happy at the expense of others' own happiness. So tell me…what would make you happy right here, right now?"
Barghest's eyes widened in surprise. For a time, she was silent, as if she didn't know what would make her happy. Or maybe she did know, and was reluctant to say.
But then, she gingerly reached out one of her hands, and cupped the side of his face. Then, her own face leaned in, slowly, tentatively. Except she halted, unable to make the final move.
But Harry said, with a soft smile, "It's okay. Do you want it?"
Barghest, after a moment, nodded. And then gently brought her lips onto his own. Slowly, hesitantly, they connected.
There were no wandering hands. There were no jousting tongues. There was just a simple intimate moment of contact between lips, that lingered long enough to not be considered wholly chaste. Harry marvelled at how soft her lips were, even as he wondered whether this was a good idea. They were both damaged goods where romance was concerned, especially Barghest. Even without her curse, would she be able to move on from her past lovers and what she did to them?
But as they broke off, he saw the gentle and sad smile. The tears glistening in her eyes. The blush on her cheeks. And the yearning in her expression, the desire, the hope. The part of her that wasn't a ruthless knight, a cursed Fae, or a reserved noble, but rather, an ever-hopeless and ever-hopeful romantic woman.
He wasn't sure whether they could make this work, and he knew that Barghest would feel the same way. Yet something in him was begging him to try, even if they took it slowly, even if their relationship was advanced but one step at a time. But maybe, just maybe, it could work out.
So this time, he gently moved to press his lips onto her own. She did not shy away, instead meeting his lips with her own eagerly. And with those actions, their bond grew ever stronger…
CHAPTER 12 ANNOTATIONS:
So, a pseudo-date at Blackpool, leading to Harry and Barghest beginning to move their relationship onwards. It's going to be a while before they get to any hot Fae-on-wizard action, but that's what timeskips are for.
I thought of Blackpool Pleasure Beach as a setting for one date because it's one of the most famous theme parks in the UK. In fact, it's sort of been in my mind ever since I heard of the never-made Doctor Who story The Nightmare Fair, which was meant to be set there (though a novelisation and an audio adaptation have been made). I was genuinely surprised to see that it has so many Nickelodeon-related attractions lately on the Wikipedia page.
Review-answering time! ZLC genesmith: Only Ritsuka will be appearing, as he is canon to the anime adaptations. Team A will appear later on, as will Olga-Marie and Fou.
ErwinvonBeckendorf: Excuse me? I actually put some considerable thought into a merged Potterverse/Nasuverse for my previous crossovers, thank you very much, and in those stories, Clock Tower and the Ministry of Magic have a bitter rivalry that has, at best, an uneasy détente between the two organisations (and magical cultures). They have very different magic systems, which only contribute to their rivalry (wizarding magic isn't affected by Gaia, while magecraft can be, wizarding magic isn't affected by how long one's lineage is despite the Blood Purists' claims, magecraft is, etc). Most Magi would have been fine with Voldemort destroying the wizards, but they would certainly take him on if he proved to be a threat.
If you don't like what I've written, then don't read it. Simple. Don't spoil it for anyone else with your remarks.
1. Technically, AFAIK, fairy floss is called cotton candy in the UK, but I thought I'd use artistic license, to tie it in to the whole 'Fae' thing.