Filler content is filler... or is it?
Eternal thanks to my beta, EdwardsFirstKiss~
I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I'll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface where they can't hurt us
We're far from the shallow now
We were lost in the throes of passion for some time, oblivious to the sun moving across the sky.
Being with a man like that, my pleasure being the primary objective, was both strange and intoxicating. It made me wonder if I had clung to my memories with far too much tenacity; If they were the exception and not the rule, then evidently I had been wrong on a great many other counts as well. It was turning into a rather difficult pill to swallow.
I lost track of the amount of times we changed positions. Most were centered on his domination of my body, creatively finding interesting ways to subdue me, but the moments where we clung to each other in tender sensuality were just as incredible. And the amount of times my body exploded, quaking with orgasms innumerable - holy shit.
When the moon was beginning its descent, I finally had the wherewithal to wonder why it was so easy to get lost like this, submerged entirely in senseless sensation. Was I not a compassionate vampire, feeding on animals to maintain my humanity? Yet I felt more beast than woman, completely a slave to my unshackled inhibitions.
I couldn't even fathom how the hell we were supposed to stop, but that also could have been another climax overtaking me as I lay beneath Edward, his legs trapping mine.
Distantly I was conscious of his weight collapsing on top of me, him reaching nirvana the same time I did. Now that my brain was finally reconnecting itself, I had the good sense to think that maybe we should call it a day.
His semi-flaccid member slid out of me as I rolled to face him, and the feeling of being empty for the first time in hours was odd. Edward leaned up slightly, angling his face to bestow a fiery kiss on my lips as his hand wandered between my legs and began caressing my clit.
Immediately the shooting beams of pleasure zinged through me. Fuck, if we didn't stop now, I don't know if we ever could. He hadn't been wrong when he warned me before we started that to try and break away once we began would be impossible.
Using every ounce of immortal strength I possessed, I slid backward, trying to break our kiss, as his hand doggedly followed me.
"Edward," I groaned, the ripples of pleasure interrupted by pangs of conscience, "We have to stop."
He smirked, pressing his mouth to mine again, insistent fingers flicking. God it was tempting to let him get me off with his hand. It just felt so fucking good.
No, no. Shit, we had to stop.
Through sheer willpower alone I jumped up and danced away from him, gasping as his hand was finally disconnected of its ministrations.
A scowl darkened his features, his body coiling to leap up after me like a prowling lion. I lithely tripped around him, snagging up his shirt to yank it over my head since my own was in tatters.
"No, no, no. Someone has to be the grown-up here." My chastisement seemed to have its intended effect, because he stopped stalking and just glowered at me. I kind of wanted to kiss him, but I knew it would just put us back where we'd started, so I didn't tempt fate.
Swiping his shorts and boxers up, I tossed them at his face. That gave me enough time to turn around and shimmy back into my joggers, then twist my hair up into a messy bun. When I turned to look at him again, he was at least semi-dressed, missing only the shirt I was currently wearing. Edward not wearing a shirt was going to be difficult to ride back with if I was sitting shotgun. My eyes continued to devour his sculped chest, the dipping V that led to his-
Yeah, I was definitely driving.
He coughed, making me wonder if he was offended I had cut things off but was still ballsy enough to openly stare at his naked chest.
"I don't mean to ruin the mood, but what the fuck was that, Bell?" He didn't sound offended. Mostly his tone was joking, simplifying the growing knot of embarrassment in my belly. Making a joke of it was certainly easier than acknowledging reality; Had I not just told him five days ago he had his work cut out for him? Now I was giving it up at the drop of a hat.
Indeed, Bell, what the fuck was that? I used the pretense of fixing my hair, artfully pulling strands up and out to frame my face, to not answer him immediately. I knew what I was not going to tell him, and it was that I suspected on a very deep level I may have been very wrong about not being able to like him.
Unsure of what to do with this revelation, I fell back to my old standby - snark.
"I think 'that' is called sex, Edward." I responded primly, darting over to him and reaching in the back pocket of his shorts to fish out my keys.
To his credit, he could've pushed me and I eventually would have caved. That thought alone was kind of alarming. He didn't, though, which only reinforced my sudden realization. Apparently Edward knew me, and genuinely cared for me, far more than I thought because he seemed to know that I would not appreciate feeling coerced.
He shook his head, a crooked grin playing on his lips. "Yes, I do believe that is what that's called. I take it you're driving, since you've liberated your keys?"
"Only if you can handle riding bitch." I winked, biting the corner of my bottom lip.
Edward was on me in a flash, his arms encircling my waist to pull my body toward him while he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth. Before I could smack him, he'd already released my mouth. "For you, I think I could."
I knew if we stayed like this for much longer we'd end up naked all over again. So after I gave him another swift peck I skipped away, daring him to a race. Maybe the run, however short, could help me find some clarity.
It did not, as I became engrossed in beating him when I realized how much faster he was than me. I couldn't have been more than a few seconds behind but it still irked me that the list of things he was good at only seemed to be growing, rather than shrinking. Then again, maybe that was actually a good thing.
We were able to chat amicably the entire ride back, mostly bickering about silly things like the prominence of social media and what constituted formal vs semi-formal.
The superficial nature of our banter gave me room in a separate part of my mind to seriously mull over the whole forgiveness thing. While my first few interactions with Edward had been marred by him being essentially a dickhead, I was finally getting to a space to really separate past from present.
Sure, he'd insulted my decorum, but I had also gone out of my way since to reinforce that opinion. And the manner in which we had become suddenly and violently intimate made his behavior at the gala somewhat more understandable. After all, I had centuries of practice in repressing my more base instincts, whereas he only had a few decades. The connection we felt was clearly mutual, at least on a physical level, and I had to wager if I had less restraint I may have very well acted the same way.
Instinctually my mind wanted to war over these considerations, too used to regarding Edward with unconditional contempt and derision. That would be hard to get over, but I had warned him the road ahead would not be smooth. Hopefully our tryst didn't lull him into a too-big false sense of security.
All said and done, I found that I wasn't just able to forgive Edward, but I genuinely wanted to. There was a piece of me, Grinch-like, that was so small it was microscopic but it was growing larger every moment I spent with him. Half of me felt scared shitless, but the other, more subconscious, part was a feeling I had no name for but reminded me of coming home after a long night.
We were on the singular road that led to the farthest reach of the island where the house sat and had drifted into companionable silence. I found that I enjoyed it, just sitting quietly, not having to talk or pretend in any certain way.
After I'd pulled back into the garage and parked the car, I climbed out and began tapping out a text to Carlisle to let him know I'd be home tomorrow and that I was fine. Behind me Edward coughed, but I only glanced at him for a moment before returning my attention to my phone so I could answer Rosalie about how everything had gone.
"Bell." Oh, nope. I did not like the way his voice sounded, pre-emptively apologetic and wary.
Lowering my phone to look at him, I took a deep breath, trying to wrestle down the automatic inclination to be a bitch. "What's up, Edward." My tone made it clear it was less of a question and more like I was trying to be polite by vocalizing I was giving him my full attention.
One of his hands came up, rubbing the back of his neck as though he was embarrassed, but his eyes stayed locked on mine. "Before I got here, Carlisle and I talked." Yep, definitely promising - not. "He offered to let me stay with your family as long as I'm in the city. I told him that I wanted to speak to you first."
I had to wait a beat, then 20, as I tried to swallow the tsunami of anger that crashed into me. I am better than this. I do not throw temper tantrums. He is being very polite by asking for my permission. I thought it like a mantra, looping over and over in my head. I wished, fervently, that I could identify why this was always my first reaction when it came to this man. It helped to consider that maybe it wasn't really Edward himself, but it was more the idea of him - personally selected to be my mate without my input or considerations taken into account.
Unbidden, an image of Rosalie and Emmett thrashing like eels in the living room of a house we'd occupied in England came to mind. They hadn't been together long, maybe half a year tops. It wasn't much long after that Esme had, politely as possible, kicked them out to fornicate elsewhere. The amount of literal houses they'd knocked over had been in the double digits. And we did not live in a house at the moment, we lived in a skyscraper 1,500 feet off the ground.
On the one hand, living with Edward was a recipe for disaster. We'd either fight constantly or fuck constantly, either of which was guaranteed to demolish the building. On the other, even bigger, hand, the idea of being able to spend time around him in a domestic setting did weird things to my belly, like butterflies had congregated en masse for a rave.
I swallowed, trying to act very laissez faire about the whole thing. "I guess I'd be fine with that. I appreciate your asking."
Then I promptly strode into the house directly up to my bedroom without bothering to wait for a response or see if he was following.
Edward was going to live in my house. With me. As in at the same time.
Holy fuck I needed a cold shower.