Chapter XII: Go Parks and Go-karts
After waking up from their sleep, the group returned to Osaka Castle. Sensing the distorted energies flowing through the area, they've returned to the distorted dimension which resembled Osaka if it had coalesced with the Metaverse.
From here on, the Phantom Thieves, Tennyo, Sion, and their colleagues ventured into this warped reality to crack down on the source responsible for the latest Yokai and Lost activities.
Most of all, Sion hopes to finally identify this individual, whom Mina and Shadow Shido alluded to, and understand why he was brought to this dimension.
Distorted Osaka/Universal Studios Japan (ユニバーサル・スタジオ・ジャパン)
Upon entering the distorted city, the wandering group explored a district streetway. Along the way, the group happened upon the entrance of Universal Studios Japan coalesced with New York and Osakan infrastructure. Several notable landmarks were seen in plain sight. The Statue of Liberty, the Freedom Tower, the Empire State Building, and Madison Square Garden were seen merged with the familiar Osakan cityscape.
"Dudes, I know this ain't real, but this is the closest I've stepped into an American city," Skull remarked, admiring the New York scenery.
"Ah, the city that never sleeps!" Panther gleefully said. "Oh my gosh, guys! Look at this!" She called her teammates' attention as she pointed them toward the familiar Universal Studios Japan exterior ceiling.
"Oh wow, and we were here just a few days ago!" Presto exclaimed.
"Yes, I know! Now, I feel up to going again!" Tamamo added with elation.
"I can't believe everything we're seeing here is all based on this perpetrator's view of the world," Queen glanced over the distorted realm.
"Let's remember what we see here is reflected from an individual's desires. In a way, this Distorted Osaka is like a Palace. Or, even an Osakan Jail, but in some way, this feels different from a regular Palace or Jail. I can't put my finger on what this place feels differently," Mona informed them, meticulously scanning their distorted surroundings. "For example, in Shido's distorted world, he viewed himself as the man behind the wheel of the cruise ship to lead Tokyo to a better tomorrow. Well, we saw how well that worked out for him. Here, despite Yokai and Lost running around, I don't see a lot of negative aspects."
Tennyo nodded. "I agree, Mona. With all this surrounding architecture and the fact this perpetrator seems to enjoy the arts, something tells me our suspect still clings to some idealistic views."
"Wow, that's an excellent way of assessing our suspect. I'm impressed, Togo-san," Crow said.
"Yeah, it's too bad you didn't become a Phantom Thief from the get go. We could've had another 'Queen'," Mona smirked, eliciting a half-amused chuckle from Queen.
"Thanks. With all due respect, I'd never replace you, Niijima-san. However, it's better late than never that I've joined you. Even though I'm not technically a Phantom Thief," Tennyo added.
"Well, neither was I, but look at me now. You're one of us as far as I'm concerned," approvingly nodded Violet.
"At the same time, let's stay vigilant and tread lightly," Sion advised the group. "Although, seeing all these cultural characters and historical landmarks, I wish to immerse myself with your world."
"Don't worry. There's plenty for us to see together," Tennyo reassured her vampiric companion. "There's plenty of cinema films we should watch together."
"I'd like that…" Sion solemnly said, turning away as a sad smile formed on his face, which Tennyo caught from a glimpse. The woman's smile left her.
Then, Joker immediately addressed his friends and colleagues. "Alright, guys. Let's save the conversation for later. We better get moving."
"Your friend's right. We have far more important matters to deal with," Mina stated.
"Well, we have more ground to cover," Queen pointed toward another vicinity beyond the theme park entrance. As they passed by, an anomalous wave distorted the physical space, opening a hole for several Lost and Yokai. The otherworldly entities quietly monitored the group exploring their next destination.
Distorted Osaka/Namba Parks
Venturing into an area that looked like the Namba Parks, the group noted vines and trees shrouding and even growing out of architecture. The office and shopping complex areas have meshed together with fragments of ancient Osakan sculpture. A tall skyscraper situated near to the Namba Parks is seen fused with an Osakan pagoda.
"It looks beautiful," Noir gazed at the sight of the parks despite its distorted appearance.
"On the outside at least, but the inside makes it all the dangerous, Haru," Queen calmly responded.
"Hear that, dummy? We don't have time to admire the scenery," Brave scoffed while dragging Tamamo by her arm.
"Aww, pretty please?" Tamamo playfully begged her friend.
Growling with frustration, Brave barked. "No!"
"Hold on," Kyosuke warned as he and Mina suddenly paused, alarming the Thieves, Tennyo, Sion, and the Spiritual Gamblers.
"Yes, Saoirse and I sensed them, too," Mina replied as her Guardian Spirit quickly materialized.
"Looks like we have company coming," Sion acknowledged, quickly drawing out his Queenslayer Blade and Hanemukuro. At the same time, Tennyo readied her Kunitokotachi.
In response to the imminent threats, Tamamo, Brave, and Presto's Guardian Spirits materialized.
Suddenly, their surrounding space distorted with dark energies. These malicious energies created large enough fissures, releasing an assortment of Yokai and Lost on the group.
Among the selected Yokai sent to combat the group: a pale-skinned woman with long, back-length black hair, demonic hands armed with sharp claws, and black feathered wings growing out of the heads of her head. Her green kimono garb is shrouded with a dark gray ash mist around her legs and feet. Her ghastly appearance and creepy yellow eyes were notable features of this undead woman, sending chills down the spines of some of the group members.
Next to the Yokai woman are two pale gray human-like Yokai garbed with black cloaks imbued with hot embers. As otherworldly fumes exuded from them, hoods covered their heads. They have no faces. Instead, a soft flame flickered inside the cloak where the head should be. The two hooded Yokai are seen carrying long pipes, which are believed to be connected to the Yokai Realm.
"Do you recognize these, Kyosuke?" Mina asked her compatriot.
"I do. The woman is Ubume. Based on tales, she was once a grieving mother who couldn't cope with the death of her newborn child," Kyosuke informed her.
"I know those two are Koroka, once inanimate objects that become spirits. These two were once stone lanterns," Mina added while brandishing her katana for action.
The others were three Lost creatures. One is a six-foot-tall, white-skinned, violet-eyed ant-like humanoid. It is armed with sharp, purple claws, and appendages growing from its back.
The other two Lost are deformed creatures covered mostly in black armor. Where there isn't black armor covering them, red muscles are visibly seen. Two massive antler-like horns poked through the sides of their heads. Their faces have creepy visages. Their teeth are visibly seen. Their eyes are glowing yellow orbs. Six other glowing yellow orbs made up the top areas of their antlers. Both carried molten swords.
"As expected, they catch us when we're making progress! But, we're ready for them!" Mona cried out.
"A Thirsting Slaughterer and two Blazing Radicals," Sion identified the Lost. Taking a battle stance with his two blades, the Revenant scoffed. "Terrific. This should be fun." He muttered sardonically as his eyes glowed red.
When the Yokai and Lost charged at the group, Joker, Tennyo, Sion, Queen, and Panther engaged the two Blazing Radicals. A Blazing Radical swung its heavy sword at Sion, who stopped it with his Queenslayer Blade. As the Revenant held the Lost off, Tennyo swiftly slashed its back legs with her ko-naginata. Running headlong at the Lost, Queen unleashed Freila to knock it back.
"Thanks for the assist, Mako-kins!" Sion called out, activating his mouthguard mask. He then slashed off the Blazing Radical's sword-wielding arm off. After that, Tennyo cut through its body with her ko-naginata. Queen finished it off with her Mafreila.
Joker and Panther fought off the other Blazing Radical. As Panther threw her whip to yank its sword away, the Lost pulled her forward and almost beheaded her with its sword. Joker quickly jumped in and saved Panther, stopping the Lost's blade with his dagger. Joker then summoned his Biyarky Persona, a yellow-bodied, green, red, and yellow insect masked entity with black demon wings. Gliding toward the Blazing Radical, Biyarky delivered punishing blows to the Lost. After Panther distracted the Lost with Maragidyne, Biyarky finished it off with Death Scythe and bisected the creature in two as its halved body exploded with blood before dissolving into embers.
"Well done, you two!" Tennyo called out to Joker and Panther.
"Nothing we couldn't handle, right?" Panther winked at Joker.
"He almost had you," Joker reminded her.
"But, you saved me and I paid you back. So, we're even!" The red clad Thief blew a kiss to Joker.
Mona led the charge against the Thirsting Slaughterer and the two Koroka. Skull, Fox, Noir, Crow, and Violet fought off the Koroka. Skull blasted the two Yokai with Mazio. After stunning them with his electric attacks, Crow and Violet took out one Koroka. Fox froze and purged the pipe-wielding Yokai with Bufudyne.
Running up at the Thirsting Slaughterer, Mona shot the ant-like Lost with his slingshot, knocking it down.
"Ok, let 'em have it, guys!" Mona rallied his colleagues. After hitting it with Garula, Mona let Skull smash the Lost's face with his mace.
"How do ya like that, freak?!" Skull openly taunted the ant-like Lost.
Fox swiftly slashed it with Myriad Slashes and cut off its appendages. Noir hacked off its limbs with her ax. Crow, while laughing maniacally, slashed it with his serrated swords. Violet then ran her rapier through the ant-like Lost's head, delivering the killing blow. However, Mona fired an explosive from his slingshot, which blew the Lost into pieces.
"Oh dear!" Noir backed away from the body parts and blood raining down on her and the others.
"Hehehehaha! Marvelous!" Crow maniacally laughed.
"That's another down! And another to go!" Mona called out as he and the others saw the Spiritual Gamblers, Mina, and Kyosuke engaging Ubume.
As the Yokai woman pushed Brave and Presto back, Tamamo rushed headlong with Ubume. As she summoned her Nine Tails, the Guardian Spirit bombarded the Yokai spirit with fireballs. Activating her Living Weapon, Mina swung her katana and repelled Ubume with a tidal wave. Upon merging Makami's powers into himself, Kyosuke transformed into his Yokai Shift state. Kyosuke then attacked and sliced at Ubume with his ōdachi. Ubume swiftly dodged every slash, but Kyosuke knocked her away with his Yokai aura.
"Are you ok, Mary?" Presto asked, helping her up.
"I am now. Let's pay that bitch back!" Brave added, infusing her spear with Janomecho's power. Upon activating her Living Weapon, Brave repelled Ubume with a powerful gust of wind. Using Kato's Ki, Presto infused his tonfas with fire and set Ubume ablaze. Tamamo then finished the Yokai with her Nine Tails' fiery blasts.
"Hooray, we did it!" Tamamo gleefully cheered in celebration.
"That Yokai was pretty rough," Presto remarked.
"Let's not celebrate too soon, everyone," Mina warned the group.
"He's right. I'm sensing another assortment of dark energies!" Sion called out.
"Over there!" Joker pointed to another distortion quickly releasing more Yokai and Lost.
Among them are three Lost and one Yokai.
Crawling on all fours between the Lost, a three-eyed, eight-faced gray-skinned monstrosity faced its opposition down with deadly intent. Some heads have long black hair, others have white hair, and a few have signs of balding. Born from the souls of various amalgamated beasts, this Yokai has the face and legs of a human but possesses no human qualities. The deformed Yokai lacked human compassion and reasoning.
"That's the Mitsume Yazura!" Mina identified the malformed, multi-faced Yokai. "These things are said to dwell in dark forests, but thankfully we can see him clear as day."
Facing the three Lost, Sion's eyes turned bright red. He and the others saw a bipedal creature similar to a Blazing Radical, but with blue lines running through its body. Blue flames poured out from its back.
With a scowl, he gritted and identified the Lost. "A Blazing Heretic. This one's going to be tougher than the Blazing Radicals we just slew!"
Then, an 8-foot tall behemoth covered in white armor and carrying a giant ax paced around the group. Its ghastly visage has a horrific-looking mouth and five glowing yellow eyes, one centered on its forehead with the other four under it.
Readying her ko-naginata, Tennyo held her ground. "What is that, Sion?"
"Argent Wolf Berserker. They're effective killing machines as their name 'berserker' suggests," the Revenant answered, veering toward the third Lost, a 6-foot tall garbed in a gilded suit of armor and wielding an elaborate halberd. A red cloak adorned the left backside of its body. "And that's the Gilded Hunter. We better finish them off fast!"
With that, Sion rushed toward the Gilded Hunter first. Activating his Ogre-Type Blood Veil, the Revenant's demonic hand collided with Gilded Hunter's halberd. After a brief standoff, the two had a sword battle. Sion's Queenslayer Blade clashed against Gilded Hunter's halberd. Assisting Sion, Tennyo blasted the Lost with her Divine Thorn. After stunning it, Sion delivered quick slashes on the golden-armored Lost. Joker sent Biyarky to attack. Bikyarky unleashed Maragidyne, but the Lost resisted the Persona's fire.
Joker then switched Biyarky out for Macabre, a faceless pale humanoid garbed in a full-bodied black bodysuit and a black & red neck ruff collar. A white skull visage is embroidered on its bodysuit. This representative of death has a red marking on its faceless visage. It wielded a scythe as long as its body.
Macabre quickly attacked Gilded Hunter with Death Scythe. After striking the Persona down, Violet rushed in and slashed the Lost with her rapier. Gilded Hunter stopped Violet's attacks. Panther secured the Lost with her whip. Then, Queen summoned Agnes and rode her Persona toward Gilded Hunter. She blasted Gilded Hunter with Flash Bomb. However, Gilded Hunter retaliated and delivered consecutive strikes against Agnes. Queen jumped off, evading Gilded Hunter's sword and gracefully landed on the ground.
"Ugh, this thing is tough!" Queen gritted as Gilded Hunter charged toward them.
"I know! It blocked all my attacks!" Violet added. "Senpai, I'm going to help!" She raced toward Joker's direction.
"A little hand, Joker?" Sion asked the Phantom Thief, who sent Macabre to attack the Lost again. Then, Joker took out his dagger and ran forward. Sion and Violet followed close behind. After disposing of Macabre, Gilded Hunter charged energy through its halberd and sent a beam toward the two.
"Look out!" Panther called out to Joker and Sion.
Summoning Shogi-like constructs to the battlefield, Tennyo sent one toward the open space between the Lost and his two opponents. As the Shogi construct landed in front of Sion, Joker, and Violet, another Shogi piece materialized next to it. Tennyo's Shogi Shield protected the trio with a barrier and fired lightning bolts toward the Gilded Hunter. After Tennyo dazed the Lost, Violet rapidly struck the Lost with Sword Dance.
After Violet's attack followed through, Sion blasted Gilded Hunter with Frenzied Fire, which irritated it. It did provide as a distraction, allowing Joker to shoot it point blank with his pistol. After blasting him with powerful shots, Sion unleashed Circulating Pulse with his Hanemukuro, hitting the Lost with a barrage of efficient strikes.
"Now, All-out Attack!" Joker called out as he, Sion, Violet, Queen, and Panther pummeled the Lost with quick and devastating blows from their All-out Attack. As Gilded Hunter collapsed, it exploded in a bloody heap.
"Kickass work, guys! Here's a health boost coming your way!" Oracle called out from inside Al Azif. She healed their health and boosted their powers.
"Thanks, Oracle!" Panther called out.
"Wow, that was a fight," Queen sighed with relief.
"We did great, Ren-senpai!" Violet cried out.
Despite Oracle's healing, Sion used his Cleansing Light to treat himself.
"Sion, the others are having some problems with the other Lost!" Tennyo ran over and grabbed his hand.
"Ok, lead the way!"
As Joker's group stormed toward the other battles, they saw Mona, Skull, Fox, Noir, and Crow fighting the Argent Wolf Berserker and Blazing Heretic. The Spiritual Gamblers, Mina, and Kyosuke battling the Mitsume Yazura.
Fox and Noir quickly fended off Blazing Heretic. When the Thieves went for a double team attack, Blazing Heretic unleashed a wave of blue fire. Evading the blue flames, the Thieves blasted it with gunfire, but the Lost swiftly sidestepped and moved around their bullets and rockets.
Fox desperately summoned Gorokichi and used Vicious Strike on Blazing Heretic. Following Fox's strategy, Noir conjured Lucy and blasted the Lost with Triple Down. After immobilizing the Lost, Fox and Gorokichi finished it off with Mabufudyne.
Roaring with fury, Skull used Matarukaja to increase his party members' attack powers. Skull then blasted the Argent Wolf Berserker with Charge.
"Now fall, ya big bastard!" Skull berated the Greater Lost. However, much to his dismay, Argent Wolf Berserker kneeled and cast a powerful wave that repelled the Thieves away.
"Show your might, Diego!" Mona quickly summoned his Third-Tier Persona. After boosting his Persona with Wind Boost, his Persona then attacked Argent Wolf Berserker from behind with Miracle Rush.
After the group brought the Greater Lost down, Crow neutralized it with Debilitate. Then, the black-suited Thief whittled its legs with his serrated blades.
"Hehehe, now to finish you off!" Crow maniacally cackled as he summoned Hereward. They shot and weakened Argent Wolf Berserker with Eigaon.
"Time for some bloodshed!" Mona declared as he, Skull, Crow, Fox, and Noir finished the Greater Lost off with an All-out Attack.
With only one enemy left, the Spiritual Gamblers, Mina, and Kyosuke worked over finishing the Mitsume Yazura. The persistent Yokai kept going, using its three eyes and 8 faces to its advantage. With these advantages, it lacked a blind spot for anyone to take it down. Mina and Kyosuke then figured out its one weakness: its eyes.
"Go for the eyes!" Mina called out, channeling her Saoirse's Ki through her katana. Summoning waves of water, the muscular woman cut off one of the Yokai's three eyes.
As Kyosuke charged and tackled the Yokai, Tamamo used her Nine Tails to target and burn the second eye. Brave and Presto then activated their Living Weapons. Combining Janomecho's wind and Kato's flames, they burned the Yokai. Kyosuke then stabbed its third eye with his ōdachi. As the flames consumed the Yokai alive, it burned into embers.
"Alright, great work, everyone!" Mona hollered as the group reconvened to continue their pursuit for the perpetrator.
"Thanks for helping us back there, Sumire," Joker said.
"No, it was my pleasure, Ren-senpai!" Violet smiled affectionately.
"Let's keep it moving, everyone," Mona addressed.
"Yeah, the sooner we find this bastard, the better I'll feel," Sion remarked, getting a worrisome look from Tennyo. "What? Don't worry, I'll ask him questions first. Then, I'll decide his fate."
Tennyo nodded. "No, it's not that. I just hope you'll be in the right frame of mind when we finally meet him."
"Hey, what did I say about keeping it along?" Mona reminded the group. Just then, Nekomata materialized and hovered over Mona, scaring the daylights of the black cat-like creature. "Hey! Geez, you almost scared me!"
"Nice one! You're doing well leading by example, grasshopper!" Nekomata gleefully added, chortling out loud.
Mona scoffed and turned away. "You enjoy messing around with me, huh, sensei?"
"Where to next?" Skull asked.
"How about there?" Queen pointed to the upper level of the Namba Parks. To their bafflement, they discerned two floating Whale Sharks and fish from the Osaka Aquarium swimming in the distorted sky. Then, the group caught a scenic view of the Umeda Sky Building far away from their current location.
"Wow," Panther muttered in awe.
"I never realized how nice the Umeda Sky Building looks from this distance," Violet scanned the familiar infrastructure that made up Osaka's scenery.
"It's very pretty," Noir admired the sightings
"Yes, I never knew this realm would be that beautiful, much less a distorted one," Tennyo stared at the sky in awe.
"Same here. This feeling is like living in Momobami Kirari's aquarium of councils," Tamamo illustrated with a smile.
"I wish we could be seeing this now in the real world," Presto said.
"Look over there," Fox pointed at the Umeda skyscraper. "I'm guessing that's where we need to go?"
Queen answered. "According to Nekomata's senses, there is an influx of powerful energies resonating from one location. And I'm getting strong energy fluctuations from that building."
"Then, that's where we'll need to go," Mina determined.
"Man, it's really too far from our location," Skull grunted.
"It's going to take hours to get there. We need to find some transportation getting there sooner," Joker pondered transportation options.
"Wait, hold on! I'm picking some readings near us! I might've found us some form of transportation!" Oracle announced to the group.
"Really, Futaba?" Queen asked the team's hacker.
"Yeah, just follow me!" Oracle sprinted ahead as the group followed her inside Namba Parks.
Distorted Osaka/Inside Namba Parks/Mario Kart Stand
Once the group made it inside, they were taken aback by a collection of go-karts from the Mario Kart ride at Universal Studios. Ren and his group recalled riding these exact go-karts.
"Whoa, check it out, guys!" Skull's eyes widened.
"But, we rode on those a few days ago!" Brave exclaimed.
"Wow, you're right!" Presto exclaimed.
"Why don't we ride on them again?" Tamamo suggested.
"How about no?" Brave scoffed.
"Tell me if this is a joke?" Queen blinked in bewilderment, noticing some members in the group getting excited over some go-karts.
"Now, I'm suspicious. That means the perpetrator has been watching us if he willed the go-karts here," Mona keenly examined the miniature cars.
"Do they work?" Tennyo pondered.
"From the looks of it, maybe," Oracle answered, examining each go-kart. "Hmm, we could ask Mona to turn into a van, but I think these will go."
"Will they get us to our destination faster?" Kyosuke asked, awkwardly staring at the go-karts.
"Sure, I think so!" Oracle earnestly replied.
"Alright, we'll use them. Whatever gets us to where we need to be," Mina openly stated.
Tennyo concurred. "It's also better if we don't fatigue Mona and make him do all the work for us."
"Aww, you ladies really are looking out for me!" A bashful Mona boasted. "No, but really. Thanks for thinking about me."
"So, we'll get to drive these as if they're actual automobiles?" Sion wondered.
"It seems so. We can make almost anything happen willfully in a distorted world," Tennyo replied, holding Sion's hand. "And maybe driving the real thing can be just as fun. Don't you think?"
"Totally!" Oracle flashed a bright stupid grin.
"Wait, we have company!" Crow called out, drawing out his serrated blades.
Soon, everyone else sighted a Yokai appearing and slowly walking up to them. This Yokai resembled a walking slab of a solid rock wall. It has four red orbs, which were its eyes. Steel spikes poked out its stone body and front limbs. Its front limbs are massive. Inside its gaping mouth is glowing Amrita. It let out a deep groan as it scanned the group.
"That's a Nurikabe!" Kyosuke identified the Yokai.
"Yes, a Yokai type that blends in with the wall surroundings, but thankfully these types are very passive," Mina said.
"Ok, and that means?" Skull blinked.
"It means, they're not hostile," Panther replied.
"Oh yeah. I knew that."
"So, don't expect it to attack us. Though, it does seem a little stand-offish," Joker assessed the Yokai.
"I mean, we did kill a bunch of Yokai," Queen added.
"No, Nurikabe are generally passive unless provoked, but we haven't picked a fight with it," Mina stated.
"Yet," Sion frowned as he prepared to draw out Queenslayer, but Tennyo stopped him.
"It's fine, Sion," Tennyo reassured him.
The Nurikabe grunted and shook his arms around. In response, the Spiritual Gamblers' Guardian Spirits appeared and communicated with the neutral natured Yokai. Mina and Kyosuke's Guardian Spirits, too, appeared to talk to the wall Yokai.
"Well, what is it saying?" Panther asked as Janomecho flew over and whispered to Brave.
"The Nurikabe is guarding the go-karts. No one will ride them without his consent," Brave answered.
Genbu then communicated with Presto.
"But, the Nurikabe will grant us permission to use them if we entertain him," Presto verified.
"Oh, so one of us just has to entertain him?" Tamamo clapped her hands once. "That should be easy!" With that, she pulled Brave away. "C'mon, let's make it laugh!"
"What? And what do you want us to do? React something from a movie? Tell a joke?" Brave scowled, struggling to jerk herself away from Tamamo.
"Yes, a joke! Let's tell it a joke!" Tamamo decided.
With that, everyone moved back, giving Tamamo and Brave room to enact a comedy skit. Feeling out of place, Brave didn't know a good joke if it were offered to her.
"You think they can pull it off?" Queen whispered to Presto.
"I have faith," Presto smiled.
"Mary doesn't seem comfortable doing this," Noir noticed Brave's flushed face.
Suddenly, the entire facility went dark, catching the Nurikabe by surprise. Then, two spotlights beamed down out of nowhere, unveiling Tamamo and Brave on some kind of performance stage. The duo turned and faced one another. While Tamamo had a beaming expression on her face, Brave had to forcefully grin to go along with their Manzai performance. Acting as the boke (the funny man), Tamamo quickly traded several jokes with Brave, who acted as the tsukkomi (the straight man).
During their exchange, Presto was the first to laugh at their routines.
"Hey, Yumeko!" Brave asked with a fake smile.
"What, Mary?" Tamamo lightly chimed in.
"Do you know 'Mercury and the Woodman'?" Brave asked Tamamo.
"I know it. I am SUPER WOODMAN!"
"What happened?"
"I can cut all these trees one at a time!" Tamamo overdramatically yelled out, making a motion for a chainsaw and making buzzing sounds. "With the SUPER CHAINSAW!"
"Chainsaw?" Brave asked, pretending to be shocked when Tamamo held her 'chainsaw' and cut through the air with it while making repeated 'Bzzzt' sounds. "Wow, it's soooo amazing!"
Tamamo then responded. "Mercury and the Woodman! Coming soon!" Which she then received a resounding slap to the chest from Brave.
"Hey, don't behave like a movie preview!"
"Oh, everyone cries at the last scene!" Tamamo dropped down, covering her face as she teared up.
"No way! I'm talking about 'Mercury and the Woodman'! Do you know the line, "Your ax is a golden one or a silver one?"
"Yes."
"I want to play the role of the honest woodman," Brave remarked. "So, will you play the role of Mercury?"
"Me? Ok!" Tamamo gleefully replied, quickly standing and perking up.
"Thank you! Let's start the scene!" Brave then grabbed 'ax' and started cutting into the 'wood'. "Cutting a tree is lots of fun!" Then, she accidentally released her grip as it flew out of her hands while Tamamo ducked and took cover. "Oops! My ax slipped into the river!"
Both performers went silent for a few moments.
"What's this strange song?" Brave asked Tamamo. "You are...?"
"Excuse me! You want this golden ax or the silver one?" Tamamo showed her two 'axes' in her hands.
"No, I want my old ax back!" Brave politely asked with a bow.
"Now on sale! You can buy this golden ax with a free silver one!" Tamamo advertised the two 'axes' to Brave.
"Is this TV shopping?" Brave asked in confusion.
"No, I don't mean TV shopping."
"Sorry for my misunderstanding," Brave openly apologized.
"Call us now and save one silver ax!"
"You're a liar! Do Mercury! No one asked you to be the TV shopping guy!" Brave then got annoyed when Tamamo sang a song based on a random TV commercial. "Hey, stop the song! Are you kidding me?! Do normal Mercury!" As Tamamo ducked, Brave swung and her new ax flew out of her hands. "Oops! My ax slipped into the river! You are...!"
Tamamo bounced up. "Oh! My eyes are FALLING! FALLING!" She then started lethargically walking like one of the undead.
"Are you a zombie?" Brave frantically asked. "Something is melting!"
"Your ax is this gold one or the silver one?" Tamamo showed Brave two 'axes'.
"Do Mercury, Bonehead!"
"Don't stop. Keep the scene."
"Hah?"
"I'm deadly serious!" Tamamo warned.
"You can't be serious!"
"SELECT an ax!"
Brave facepalmed. "It's neither! My ax is an old one!"
"You, honest man, can take this evil spirit ax!" Tamamo showed off a new 'ax' to Brave.
"I don't want it!" Brave whined.
"Help me! Heeelp!" Tamamo pitched her tone, speaking as the evil spirits inside the 'ax'.
"That's full of evil spirits!"
"Please… please take this from me soon!" Tamamo pleaded, handing the 'ax' to Brave. "Oh, oh! My mind is being absorbed!"
"Throw it away!" Brave pushed Tamamo away. "I'm not kidding! Be serious!" Then, Tamamo started humming. "Stop the music! Next time is your last time, got it?!" As she swung at some wood, the ax went flying out of her hands. "Oops! My ax slipped into the river!" As Tamamo poked out of the 'river', Brave yelled out. "You are…! Speak after coming out of the river! You've never drowned before, have you? Nooo way!"
After finishing their Manzai routine, Tamamo and Brave bowed to their audience. Half of the crowd clapped while others tried to make sense of what happened. Presto enthusiastically clapped for his two friends' performance despite how nonsensical their performances came off.
However, all eyes turned toward the Nurikabe. There was no immediate response from the wall Yokai until it started laughing.
"He approves," Mina stated. "Saoirse said the Nurikabe hasn't laughed this much in centuries. Saoirse enjoyed your performances, too."
"So, can we use those go-karts?" Skull asked.
"He said we can," Kyosuke nodded.
"Alright! Way to go, Yumeko and Mary!" Panther hollered.
As they exchanged smiles, Tamamo and Brave high-fived each other.
Sion pivoted over and asked Tennyo. "Hey, was there something I missed? I didn't get anything those two said?"
"That's a Manzai performance, Sion. It's humor with lots of wordplays. Don't worry about not understanding it. The cultural differences will make it hard for someone like you to grasp," Tennyo tried to explain.
"I mean, it was kinda funny? I did get a chuckle out of it," Sion blinked in befuddlement.
After Nurikabe approved, it vanished and granted the group access to the go-karts. Several members gleamed excitedly over the go-karts. Among them, Skull, Oracle, and Tamamo were the most excited.
"Oh man, it's gonna be so fuckin' fun riding these again!" Skull's eyes gleamed over the go-karts.
"Heh, this sure takes me back to seeing those Super Mario cosplayers go-karting around Shibuya!" Oracle reminisced about fun memories related to previous go-kart events. "I remember five of us tried it before! Those were fun times. I cosplayed Toad one time and Inari was Yoshi."
Recalling that humbling situation, Fox sighed while closing his eyes, "Yes Futaba, I am a jolly green dinosaur who can lay eggs."
"Oh yeah! I remember dressing up as Luigi, Ren was Mario, and Ann went as Princess Peach," Skull reflected on their fun experiences.
"Oh stop it, Ryuji!" Panther blushed.
"Did you have to remind me about that, man?" Joker deeply sighed.
"And don't you darecall Kamoshithole being like Bowser!" Panther reproved such a repulsive image.
"Okay, chill guys! I'd never go that low!" Skull pleaded to his two friends before looking back at the go-karts. "Anyway, we gotta ride these babies!"
"Yeah! What are we waiting for?!" Tamamo cheered.
Then, the Phantom Thieves and allies hopped into the go-karts. As they started the engines, the sound of engines rattled. Queen is the only one not occupying a go-kart.
Noir queried. "Mako-chan, are you not going to ride with us?"
"No thanks. I already have my own ride," Queen coolly smiled as she summoned Agnes and got on it.
"Hey, Ryōta! Mary! Are you up for a race?!" Tamamo excitedly asked her two friends.
Presto nervously chuckled. "I think I'll pass."
"Aww. Well, what do you think, Mary?"
Brave rolled her eyes. "Oh please, I'll smoke you like last time."
With a glint in her eyes, Tamamo chuckled evilly. "Heheh, then bring it on!"
Finding himself in completely new territory, Kyosuke couldn't properly respond to his situation. He just couldn't believe he was sitting inside a go-kart. He looked over and saw Mina sitting in her go-kart without a care in the world.
"Hey, have you ever ridden in one of these before, Kyosuke?" Mina asked him.
"When I was a kid, but haven't since then."
"Hehehe, really?!" Mina chuckled as she readily gripped her steering wheel. "Ok. Listen, it's just like driving a car."
"Yeah, I knew that," sardonically remarked Kyosuke.
Mona groaned, reaching for the wheel in his go-kart. "Man, why couldn't I sit with Lady Ann?"
"You remember what I taught you, Sion?" Tennyo asked, looking over her shoulder as she became fixated on Sion adjusting to his driving position.
"Yeah, I think I got the gist of it," the Revenant replied while checking his seating.
"Ready for a test drive, everyone?" Joker grinned mischievously, firmly gripping his wheel.
Distorted Osaka/Roadway
Minutes later, the Phantom Thieves and their allies burned rubber on the road in their go-karts. The only exception is Queen, who opted to drive with Agnes. They raced out of the Namba Parks area and hit the roadway of the city. The group hastily drove through the city district, which ended up being a meshed amalgamation of Dōtonbori and Nipponbashi.
"WOO HOO! Check out my driving skills!" Skull lightheartedly boasted and teased. "Eat my dust, Mona!"
"Shut it, monkey! I'll show you I'm a much better driver than you'll ever hope to be!" Mona shouted while turning his wheel.
Rather than vent, Queen simply laughed to let go of her stress. "You know what? This is actually kinda fun! Besides just driving my motorcycle for work, I've never really had a chance to leisurely drive for fun! This is a nice change of pace!"
"Totally! You're getting the hang of this, Makoto!" Panther hollered while honking at the others.
"Oh yes, this is exhilarating!" Queen let out an excited yell. "You guys better get ready because I'm coming through!"
Mina pumped her fist into the air. "Now, that's the spirit, kids! Let it all out!"
Kyosuke drove right up to Mina and casually waved to her. "Looks like I'm getting the hang of it."
"Yo, eyes on the road!" Mina pointed him toward a sign in Kyosuke's way.
As he quickly swerved around the sign, Kyosuke sighed deeply. "Oh shit, that was close!"
"If this is like driving a real car, then I'm very much looking forward to driving in the real world!" Sion let out an excited shout.
"Ah, but you'll need a driver's license first, sweetie!" Tennyo playfully exclaimed while driving up next to Sion.
"License? What's that?" Sion asked her.
"A verification after you practice driving and passing a road test. It'll deem you eligible to drive," Tennyo answered him.
"A test, huh? Well, I'll be sure to pass it!" Sion declared with the utmost confidence.
As the group continued their way, two new go-karters reached them. Caught by surprise, they noticed no one driving them.
"Yo, who's that driving those go-karts?!" Skull asked, catching a glimpse of the empty go-karts.
"I don't see anyone driving them!" Noir exclaimed.
"Curious. Could it be spirits?" Fox wondered.
"They're Yokai! Look!" Mina cried out as the mysterious drivers revealed themselves.
The drivers are two rotund, orange-and-dark brown spectacled Yokai cats. Their yellow eyes are large and round, making up most of their eyes. They all turned, jumping up and meowing to greet the group.
"Look! Aren't they so cute?!" Tamamo squealed with joy.
"They look so round and squishy!" Noir shrieked, her eyes gleaming at the sight of the Yokai cats.
"What the heck are they?!" Oracle exclaimed.
"Those are Scampuss," Mina answered. "They're harmless Yokai cats known to entangle themselves around a passerby's legs."
"Well, they seem friendly!" Brave added.
"And they ain't so bad drivers!" Skull said.
When a Scampuss drove next to Mona, the Yokai cat honked loudly near him.
"Oh, is that a challenge?! Bring it!" Mona scowled, gritting his teeth while putting on the gas break.
"Looks like you have some competition, Mona!" Panther laughed.
"I'm gonna win and beat them for you, Lady Ann!" Passionately boasted Mona.
"Show 'em who's boss, Mona!" Oracle cheered him on.
As the racers headed for another roadway, they noticed this one is shaped like the Tempozan Ferris Wheel. This Ferris wheel-shaped road went into twists and turns, throwing off some of the group members. As the Scampuss drove passed them, they completed the giant loop. The group members quickly caught up, passing through the loop.
Then, the fun stopped as black mist materialized near them. From this mist, four Wheelmonks and three Karasu Tengus appeared and headed for their direction.
"We have company!" Sion yelled out to his friends.
"Wheelmonks and Karasu Tengus! We better not let them run us off the road!" Mina cried out.
"Well, this has taken a turn for the worse," Fox remarked.
"Not if we can deal with them first!" Joker declared, rallying the others to handle the Yokai nuisances.
The Wheelmonks raced across the roar, setting a blazing fire trail in front of the group. The wheel-shaped Yokai prepare to bash into the Thieves, Sion, Tennyo, and the Spiritual Gamblers. However, Skull stunned one Wheelmonk with Ziodyne. Fox used Mabufudyne to clear the fiery trails. Some of Fox's ice even killed off two Wheelmonks. Mina used her Living Weapon, summoning a tidal wave from her katana, which knocked away the remaining two Wheelmonks.
The Karasu Tengus unleashed wind blasts from their staffs, but the entire group evaded the wind attacks. Crow, Noir, and Queen blasted the flying Yokai with their guns. One was quickly killed off, but two managed to evade. One of the two surviving Karasu Tengus swooped down toward Sion. Readying Hanemukuro, the Revenant stabbed the Yokai's neck. Queen then shot it in the head. As the Yokai fell on top of Sion, the Revenant beheaded it with his Queenslayer Blade before taking back his wheel. The Yokai's headless body and decapitated head both fell off the tracks before dissolving into mist.
"Alright, that did it!" Presto cheered.
"Wait, did you guys hear that?" Brave asked the group as resounding bellows echoed from the distance.
As the group continued driving, they heard more deep booming sounds. They then felt loud stompings coming closer. They all turned around and watched in horror as a
Just then, while the group is driving, they are hearing familiar booming sounds. The stompings are coming closer as they turn in shock to see a Tyrannosaurus rex from the Jurassic Park/World series chasing them down.
The T. Rex let out her mighty roar at the group and the Yokai. The Scampuss shrieked with terror at the deafening roar from the tyrannosaur.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Skull hollered, seeing a famous dinosaur come to life chasing him and the others down.
"Ok, I didn't see that one coming!" Oracle exclaimed.
"It's coming toward us!" Violet cried out.
"SHIT! SHIT!" Panther screamed in terror, reciting lines from the first Jurassic Park movie.
"It's just a cognition, guys! It's only a cognition!" Mona repeated to himself, trying to save face in spite of their surreal situation.
As T. rex reached the go-karters, she stomped on one Wheelmonk, instantly killing it before swiping it. At the same time, she stomped on one Wheelmonk in instantly killing it, and swiped the other away with her tail as she sent it crashing into a building. The T. rex then snatched the last Karasu Tengu with her jaws, shaking it and crunching it with her powerful bite force to instantly kill it. After devouring the Yokai, the T. rex then raced between Joker's kart and Queen's Persona. Attempting to grab Joker with her jaws, the Phantom thief leader quickly evaded the dinosaur's reach and accelerated forward. Queen used Freidyne to immobilize the rex's legs. As the T. rex collapsed, it shrugged off the Nuclear attack and continued her pursuit of the group.
"Wow, that's a tough dinosaur!" Tamamo was impressed by the T. rex's durability.
"Why are you impressed? It's going to eat us!" Presto cried out.
"Man, that didn't stop her?!" Joker exclaimed. "I wish we had a Persona like that!"
"Really, Joker?!" Mona snapped.
"Well, why not?" Joker replied.
"Guys, look over there!" Oracle pointed out toward a pond. There is a lily pad in the middle of the pond that is shaped like a Kani Dōraku crab in-between the roads.
"My word," Fox simply commented on the crab decoration.
"Are we gonna pass through?!" Noir asked.
"Yeah, we all are!" Queen answered.
"Alright, let's go!" Brave exclaimed.
The racers accelerated towards the crab pad and were about to bounce over toward the other side of the road. However, the T. rex caught up, stomping her feet on the crab, causing the racers' go-karts to go flying to the other side instead. Some racers, such as Joker, Sion, Queen, Crow, Violet, Mina, and Kyosuke, recovered. Others such as Tennyo were briefly incapacitated. Fox's kart flipped over, prompting Oracle, Tamamo, and Presto to help him out.
When she heard the dinosaur's foot stomps, Tennyo's heart stopped beating for a few seconds. She looked up as the T. rex set her sights on her prey.
"Oh no, Hifumi!" Joker shouted.
"HIFUMI!" Sion yelled as he drove forward to save her.
As the T. Rex prepared to grab Tennyo, the maiden cast her Shogi Shield, repelling the tyrannosaur's jaws with lightning bolts. Utilizing Io's powers, Tennyo calmed the dinosaur's primal instincts. The T. rex backed off from Tennyo's Shogi construct. Tennyo and the tyrannosaur briefly stared at one another. After a few moments, the T. rex turned away, calmly walking away and leaving the group behind.
"Oh my god, it's gone now," Brave sighed with relief.
"That was a close one!" Queen said, equally as relieved that Tennyo saved them.
"She actually quelled the dinosaur's fury?" Fox was taken aback. "That was marvelous, Hifumi."
"Hey, now I wonder who's the stronger queen? You or the T. rex, Mako-kins?" Skull playfully jabbed at Queen.
"Don't ask," Queen scoffed before shooting an intense gaze. "And don't call me, Mako-kins, ok?"
"Yes, ma'am…!" Skull whimpered in terror of Queen's quiet fury.
"Between those two, I'd say Makoto," Sion answered while checking on Tennyo
Queen smiled at the Revenant and nodded, "Thank you, Sion."
"Hey, that was something else, Hifumi. Thanks," Sion said, grasping Tennyo's hands.
"Io's power did that. Not me," Tennyo admittedly answered.
"Still, her powers came through for us," Sion stated.
Just then, the Scampuss pulled up on their go-karts and greeted the group.
"Hey, you're so cute!" Noir petted one of the Scampuss.
"Aren't they just adorable, Mary?!" Tamamo picked up the other Scampuss.
"They're offering to heal us," Mina said as her Guardian Spirit, Saoirse, communicated with the Yokai cats. With that, the Scampuss treated the group and healed their injuries.
"Thanks, little guys!" Oracle said.
"They also wish to accompany us into our destination," Kyosuke said.
"Well, the more help, the better," approved Fox.
"So, how far along are we?" Sion asked Joker.
"Actually not too far now," Mina answered on Joker's behalf.
"She's right. We can get to Umeda Sky Building sooner at this distance," Crow stated as the group faced the building, which was now closer than they were previously.
"I'm ready, Ren-senpai!" Violet chimed in.
"Is everything ready?" Joker faced the group. After getting nods, the Phantom Thief leader pointed toward the Umeda Sky Building. "Good, let's do it!"
Chapter Soundtrack
Nioh 2 OST - Majesty - First song of the protagonists exploring Distorted Osaka for the second time, experiencing the feeling of how different it is from Palaces and Metaverse-related distortions.
Shin Megami Tensei IV OST - Battle B1 - (Midboss Battle Theme)- First half of vs. Yokai and Lost.
Code Vein OST - Heir of the Shingai - Second half of vs. Yokai and Lost such as the Argent Wolf Berserker and Gilded Hunter.
Nioh 2 OST - Secrecy (0:00 - 1:36) - Exploring more of the realm after slaying the first round of monsters. Encountering the Nurikabe.
Manzai Birds - Rhythm Heaven - Yumeko and Mary's Manzai show as they attempt to impress the Nurikabe.
Persona 5 OST - Wicked Plan- The thought of using Mario Karts.
Jurassic World Evolution OST - Regal Dinosaur (0:00 - 0:17) - The appearance of the T. rex cognition as she gives her mighty roar.
Jurassic Park - Main Theme - The T. rex cognition chasing the protagonists.
Jurassic Park - The Falling Car and the T. rex Chase - The T. rex cognition's continued pursuit and Tennyo calming the dinosaur.
A/N: Our heroes return to Distorted Osaka and explore the world their culprit created. They run into more Yokai and Lost. Then, they meet Nurikabe. Thanks to Yumeko and Mary's manzai performance, they're able to appease the Nurikabe and are permitted to ride the go-karts.
The manzai skit is ripped from a youtube video called MANZAI with English subtitles 英語字幕付き漫才（ぎんがてつどう）. Have a look if you wish.
Then, our heroes have a little race, meet some adorable Yokai cats, and are chased by some Karasu. If that wasn't enough, a cognition of the T. rex from Jurassic Park appears and crashes the party to reenact the jeep chase scene from that movie. Thanks to Hifumi, she subdues the dinosaur and prevents her friends from becoming lunch.
Beyond the T. rex, don't expect anymore surprise crossover cognitions in Book I.
That's it for this chapter. Leave a comment and review!