Addendum 6.9 – "Savor the Veal 'pt. 4'"

May 1993 – Bear Mountain, CT

Tony squinted far over the steering wheel as the Jeep bumped through the many mud puddles of the state park's long, dirt road.

"I can hardly see a thing out here."

Angela didn't even try to keep her voice from drying out, "And it's almost 7. Even if the rain stopped now, the daylight isn't going to hold out much longer."

"With all these clouds, I'll be surprised if we can tell."

She shook her head, "Great night for a hike, Michael."

"Would you stop prayin' to Michael? He is not in charge here, and it's weirdin' me out."

She allowed a little laugh, "Sorry."

He smirked over at her and turned into the main parking lot.

"Only one other vehicle here," he nodded toward the truck. "That's gotta be them."

With all the room to themselves, Tony crossed the parking lot diagonally, dodging as many potholes as possible along the way. But Angela noticed they couldn't evade the main chasm, seeing as they were aiming right for it.

Focused as she was on getting Jonathan back in her arms, she'd forgotten to figure out how to make her heart stop thumping around Michael. She wasn't sure what caused it, so it was difficult to combat. She knew she didn't want to be with him, but she couldn't deny the energy, either. It was want. It was fury. It was resentful connection and chaotic discontent.

And nothing made her more grateful to have Tony next to her. She wasn't sure how the presence of this outspoken, Brooklyn firecracker could calm her so easily, but it did.

He parked next to the truck and finally continued his thought. "…if we all got the right place," he shrugged.

Feeling his calm transform into her confidence, she unlatched the snap on her umbrella, "I'm pretty sure I can find out." She opened her door and huddled over to the driver's side of the truck.

"Ang-" Tony stuttered when she went to yank on the handle.

Her victorious smile turned around from inside the open door, "Michael never locks anything."

But she leaned inside the cab, just to be sure, and saw her son's backpack.

Jonathan

Reality struck her with the club of fear, remembering yet again that winning against Michael was, even still, always losing. She realized then that she'd been hoping she'd gotten the wrong place. This was not where she wanted to be.

Snatching the bag, she lugged it over to the Jeep and plopped back in her seat.

Tony looked at the backpack, "Rats."

"Exactly."

He paused a moment, apparently needing to strain the obvious, "…And umbrellas are just lightning rods."

Latching onto each other with a look, they did up their rain jackets, grabbed their flashlights, and stepped into the storm together.

Lightning struck to the far left, and a momentary white lit the scenery around them. Angela stopped walking up the slippery hill.

"Tony?"

Turning around, Tony yelled into the rain, "What?"

She tucked in close to him. "How far away do you think that lightning is?"

"Angela, all I know about explosions is when Jimmy Kiminski taught me how to snuff out a Molotov cocktail."

Great. So, I'M the commando here...

Swallowing her fear, Angela hooked his arm in hers, and they started back up the mountain. "Try to stay out of the water, Tony. It's a great conductor."

Jonathan, baby, please stay out of the puddles!

Thunder boomed, and Angela's toes squished into the mud spilling down the decades-worn trail. A significant burn was occupying several key spots inside her new rainboots, and she knew big, bubbly blisters were on their way.

"How far is this thing?" she whined.

"I dunno, but knowing Michael, it's a good, long one."

She looked up at Tony's wet face shining in the peripheral aura of her flashlight - Tony, who was out here with her, step for step, in these awful conditions - and started to hurt all over. He's right; Michael would be away from home as long as possible.

"What?" he squinted down at her, rain falling into his open mouth.

Shaking her head, she continued walking, "Nothing." She squeezed his arm, and he squeezed back.

It didn't matter anymore, but it still hurt.

Angela felt a deep gratitude for Tony's strength just then and knew she didn't know the half of it.

He flipped his wrist over and pushed the glow-in-the-dark button. "We've been out here for more than an hour. I hope we catch up to them soo-"

"Ohlff!"

Her ankle had bent into a soft, surprisingly deep, section of mud, her sole teetering on something hard. He held her arm as she suctioned her foot out of the mud with a massive tug and audible slurp.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she hopped off to the side of the mud pit. "My foot twisted just in the mud; I almost lost my boot!"

Tony shone his flashlight up the path, "It's like that the whole way up. How we gonna get through this?"

She started to panic, "They did!"

Tony shrugged and looked down at her with little to offer, "Maybe they went the other way at the sign?"

"They went hiking. That's up the mountain, right?"

"I guess… I just-"

Angela bent down to the mud between them.

He pointed his flashlight down at the back of her hood. "What are you doing?" he said, trying to see around to her face.

With another slurpy yank, she pulled up between them a completely mud-coated shoe and tried to wipe off the side.

"Oh, God," she started to cry, "Tony, is this his!?"

It looks like it!

Tony's soft eyebrows went up only a second before he snatched her elbow and started pulling her up the hill, "Jonathan!"

Gulping down a shaky breath as she tucked the precious, mucky artifact into her other arm, she tried to cry just as loudly, "Jonathan!"

Squinting all around, Angela gratefully accepted the flashes of light, even burning their way to the forest floor. Rain tore between the bolts and filled her ears with every noise but the one she most wanted to hear.

The only thing they said, even to each other, was Jonathan's name, over and over again.

Where are you, baby!? Even her thoughts came out as a squeak.

But one time, Angela heard someone say something else. That something else.

Huh?

She stopped cold and yanked Tony's arm in place.

"Wha-"

"Shhhh!"

Rain continued to pelt them, and it infuriated her that she couldn't shush it all.

The distant vowel repeated itself more distinctly: "Mom!"

Jonathan!?

Angela spun in the direction of that dear, little voice and saw two blessed arms waving at her.

"Jonathan!"

Tearing through the brush, she met her son faster than he did her, and dropping whatever was in her hands, she collapsed her arms around him. He didn't push her off. In fact, she felt him squeeze her back tighter.

Oh, baby!

Only shortly behind, Tony bent down just enough so that his face was near Jonathan's, even though Angela still had him smooshed to her shoulder. He cupped Jonathan's cheek with the hand that wasn't shining a light in the poor kid's face and held it there.

"Jonathan! Pal! Are we glad we found you!"

Squinting into the light, Jonathan grinned against the squeaky rubber of his mom's coat, "Yeah. Me, too."

Tony ripped off his raincoat, his t-shirt wasting no time getting saturated, and huddled it around Jonathan's shoulders.

Angela was grateful beyond anything she could articulate and couldn't even start to stop crying until Jonathan stepped back.

The huge jacket swallowed her son, and her endearing smile took it all in.

Tony took such good care of them, and it was overwhelmingly attractive, being protected like that. Out of nowhere, she felt the presence of something akin to a Viking woman overtake her, her roughly hewn sword at the ready, instead of a plastic flashlight. But city girl or not, in that moment, Angela knew she was ready to fight for anything at Tony's side.

Jonathan coughed, bringing her back to reality.

"Where were you, sweetie?"

The still-dumping rain was less intense under the thicker tree canopy away from the trail, and she could more easily catch her breath.

"I lost one of my Vans in the mud-"

Angela's eyebrows popped up, "Oh!"

She picked up her flashlight and the found shoe, "So, this is yours?"

Jonathan took the shoe and studied it for a couple seconds, "I think so." He tried to dump out as much mud and water as he could, then slipped it on.

"Thanks," he smiled. "Anyway, I saw this little cave from the path," he turned to point behind him. "See it?"

Angela and Tony both slung their beams of light the way he directed, and sure enough, there was a small, shadowed arch among the rocks.

"Well, I'll be…" Tony's amazed voice drifted.

"In Trailblazers, they told us not to be on mountains during thunderstorms-"

Angela scoffed from on high. Yeah, Michael. Elementary survival.

"-but I was not going to be in the truck anymore, and they said if you do get stuck on one, a cave would be better than nothing, as long as it was deep enough."

Her stupid grin was back, annoying even her, but she didn't care. She just squeezed her son's cheek, "My smart boy!"

"Mommmm," Jonathan's teenage irritation started to reemerge.

Angela wiped water off her face, "Why did you guys leave the truck? Was it not raining when you started?"

Tony started to guide them through the tall grass back to the path, "Yeah, where's your dad?"

Jonathan went with them, limping a bit on the one sloshing foot. "I dunno. Back at the truck? I went without him."

"Wha-" Angela shook her head. "Jonathan, he's not there. He- he let you go alone?"

"Mom, he kept yelling at me, all this stuff… I don't know why he's so angry. I didn't even know what he was talking about!" He stepped onto the path and got quieter. "…I thought he wanted to hang out."

Angela kept a snug hold on Jonathan's arm, "Well, we can figure that out later. Let's get you home."

But Tony pulled her elbow, "Angela. If Jonathan left Michael in the truck, and he's not there now. He's probably out here lookin' for him."

Angela blinked, "And?"

"Angela. He's going to keep looking for him until he finds someone who isn't here!"

"Tony, I'm taking my son-"

Tony patted acquiescing hands in front of himself, "I know. I know. You take Jonathan to the Jeep. I'll find Michael."

"Tony, you said yourself, nobody knows the woods better than Michael. He'll be fine!"

"It's not about the woods, Angela! He doesn't know to stop looking!"

Quieting the swarming spirits of irritation, fear, and hurt, she let her volume mellow, too, "I know."

It is extraordinarily dangerous out here.

As mad as she was, she didn't want her ex-husband dead. Sometimes she hated how wonderful Tony was.

But she still nodded, "I'll get Jonathan to the Jeep."

"Just take him home, Angela. I'll go with Michael, once I find him."

"I am not leaving you here! Who knows if Michael went off on some vision quest and we don't see him for six months! We'll wait in the parking lot!"

Tony's long sigh flatlined into a smile, "Okay. I'll hurry."

Angela gripped her son's hand with the one that wasn't holding her flashlight, and they hobbled back down the hill as Tony started to trudge up it.

She hadn't gone but a few feet when she spun around. "Tony?"

He looked back at her.

She shrugged, "If you make the loop and don't see him, we could leave a note in his truck."

Nodding, Tony turned into the hill and bellowed out his Italian best.

"Michael!"