Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters.
March 28, 1942…
Bella
My dearest Edward,
You have no idea how relieved I felt when I received your letter. I think this is the first time since your departure where I genuinely smiled. I'm glad to hear that you, Seth and Emmett all made it well to Great Britain. Please let them know I'm constantly thinking about all of you and am praying for your safe return.
Much has changed since you left Pearl Harbor. Rosalie left a week after your departure to Oregon. She was really excited about getting the house ready for when Emmett comes home. He'd be happy to know, if he doesn't already, that she is well established in Oregon and getting along quite well with her new fellow nurses at the hospital she works at now.
Alice and Jasper got married on March 1st. You should've seen Alice. The whole day she was just buzzing with happy energy, I had to constantly stop her from bouncing while Kate and I tried to get her ready for her ceremony. They married at the same courthouse we did. Jasper looked dashing in his suit. Since he's waiting for when they arrive in Texas to be fitted for his prosthetic, he was rolled in in his wheelchair by Carlisle. I've got to say, Jasper's resilience is admirable. He has the strength one could kill for. I'm so happy that my sister gets to spend the rest of her life with him.
They left Pearl Harbor shortly after they married. I won't lie, it was hard saying goodbye to my sister. This is the first time in our entire lives that we are apart and I'm still getting used to the feeling.
Kate also returned to Chicago upon your mother's request. Well, I think "request" is a nice way to say it. According to Kate, your mother demanded she go back to Chicago.
With her departure, Alice's to Texas and yours to Great Britain, I must say the view from where I sit has been rather gray. Esme has been great company however. I think we're both leaning on each other the most during these trying times. You'll be happy to know I've not gone on my evening walks on my own. Carlisle is a great companion when it comes to late night walks.
I miss you. It's weird waking up and not seeing you there next to me. I've thrown myself to my work at the hospital in hopes that it will make time go by faster. I read the newspapers in hopes for good news. I'm praying that you will come home soon and we will live the rest of our lives together.
You're always on my mind, Mr. Cullen.
Love,
Bella.
I sealed the letter and kissed the envelope before stuffing it in my purse. I would drop it off at the post office on my way to this hospital. Taking my purse, I made my way out of Edward's bedroom and down the stairs.
Esme is setting a plate with eggs and toast on the kitchen island when I walk in. Her eyes light up as soon as she saw me and she waved me over, pointing to the plate of food.
"Sit down, honey. I made you breakfast before you go to work today," she said.
"Oh, Esme, you shouldn't have," I said, even though my stomach growled at the sight of the food.
"Nonsense. It helps me take care of you and Carlisle. It keeps my mind off things," she said, walking over to me and guiding me to sit down. "Now, you're going to have breakfast so you don't go to work on an empty stomach."
"Thank you, Esme. It looks delicious."
If it wasn't for Esme, I doubt I'd even remember eating breakfast in the mornings. Working was the only way I could keep my mind off worrying about Edward, wondering if he was safe or what kind of horrors he must be facing.
My stomach rumbled just as I took the first bite and I moaned quietly at the savory taste.
"It's so good," I told her through a mouthful.
Esme chuckled lightly and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.
"Well, I'm heading to the market today. You have a good day at work, sweetheart, okay?"
"Be safe!" I yelled at her back as she stepped out the door.
I must've been really hungry as I devoured the rest of the food Esme had made me and practically chugged the coffee before running out of the house, stopping by the post office to mail out my letter to Edward. I made it to the hospital just on time and threw myself to my work, checking in on my patients and filling out charts.
However, just an hour into my shift, I felt the floor sway from under me and the whole room became fuzzy for a second. I groaned, gripping the edge of the counter.
Lisa, one of the new group of nurses that arrived at Pearl Harbor, glanced over at me and stood.
"Are you okay, Iz?" She asked.
"I'm fine, just a dizzy spell," I said, waving her off.
"Do you want some-"
She's cut off by my sudden gag. Lisa didn't waste a second, reaching for the trash bin and thrusting it toward me just in time for me to vomit into it.
"Oh, honey." She rounds the front desk toward me, pulling my hair from my face as I vomit my breakfast into the trash bin. "There you go, let it out."
"Isabella?"
Great, just what I needed.
"She's okay, Dr. Cullen. She probably got sick from something she ate," Lisa said as she rubbed my back.
However, that didn't convince Carlisle enough to walk away. I left the bin on the floor, taking a napkin from Lisa to wipe my mouth as he came striding toward me, a look of concern in his face.
"How are you feeling?" He asked, pressing the back of his hand against my forehead. "You don't have a fever."
"I'm fine, Carlisle. I ate too fast this morning trying to get here on time, perhaps it was that," I said. I reached for the bin and picked it up. "I'm perfectly fine. I'll go clean this bin."
"Fine, but you let me know if you aren't feeling well, okay?"
"Of course," I said, holding back the sarcasm that I felt rising inside me. That was another thing that was different since Edward's departure. Carlisle and Esme were now acting as if they were my parents, and I was okay with it for the most part, if it weren't for them hovering at times.
I quickly thank Lisa before making my way to the bathroom to clean up my mess.
A new wave of nausea hits me as I'm rinsing out the bucket and I dry heave into the toilet. Leaving the bucket on the bathroom floor, I run the faucet until the water is icy cold before spraying some on my face and rinsing my mouth out. I'm taking a few deep breaths when a sudden realization came crashing down on me.
When was my last period?
My stomach plummets to the floor and I have to grip the sink for purchase. This isn't the first time I've gotten sick after breakfast. It's been happening at least for the last week or so, and I was never the one to get sick so easily. And my period, when was my last period?
Tracking back the dates, I realize I haven't had my period for the whole month of March… or February. I keep counting, going back as far as… a week before Edward and I got married. And then after we were married…
No. No, please no.
I could confirm it with a test, but those tests took days to come back and I wasn't sure if I could wait that long to find out.
Find out, I thought bitterly. I already knew.
Feeling my own breasts, I realized how tender they felt. I glanced at the mirror. I didn't look any different, but my mother had told me that when a woman was pregnant her hair tended to get thicker and shinier. Esme was just marveling at how beautiful my hair looked just a couple days ago.
I couldn't do it. I needed to get out. I ran out of the bathroom, out of the hospital into the warm spring afternoon, and as soon as I felt the sun against my skin, I cried.
I dropped to one of the steps that led to the front door, wrapped my arms around my knees and wept.
This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. Edward should be here. He had to be here. I was supposed to surprise him with the news, he was supposed to be here to witness everything, from the doctor's appointments to the day I gave birth. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.
And if Edward dies…
I cried harder.
"Isabella?"
I didn't need to look up to know it was Carlisle who was behind me. I just curled deeper into myself, hugging my knees tighter. I felt him sit down next to me on the steps and his hand came down on my back, rubbing it gently.
"What's wrong, sweet girl?" He asked quietly.
I raised my head, tears streaming down my cheeks as I said, "I think I'm pregnant."
His hand tensed on my back.
"How long since your last period?" He asked quietly.
"Before the wedding."
He didn't say anything. He knew just as much as I did what this meant. I was pregnant. There was no other explanation for not having my period for almost three months and the morning sickness.
"I would've thought this would be a joyous occasion," he said. "But I take it it's not."
"I don't know." I wiped my tears away. "I need to confirm it before I do anything else."
"Then let's." He stood up and offered me his hand. "Before we do anything else, let's confirm it first."
It took several days before Carlisle got the results back from my urine sample. It was my day off that day, and I was out in the backyard with Esme gardening. She thought it was a good idea to keep my mind off of everything. Ever since that day, I'd been noticing more and more symptoms, and for a second it felt as if fate was playing a cruel joke on me.
Esme was in the middle of telling me the story about the time Edward had gone to roll around in puddles of mud as a little boy just before they had to leave for church when Carlisle arrived. The uncertainty in his gaze confirmed what I already knew.
I was pregnant.
We sat at the dining room table, the paper Carlisle had brought with the results of my pregnancy test sitting open in front of me as Carlisle and Esme waited for me to say something.
But all I could think about was Edward. Should I tell Edward? Should I not? Would he even be happy? What was his state of mind right now?
"Isabella," Esme said, bringing me out of my trance. "What are you thinking, sweet girl?"
"Whether or not I should tell Edward," I said, not taking my eyes off the paper. "What's more cruel? Telling him he's about to be a father and he won't be here to meet his child, or not tell him and run the risk of him dying without knowing he has a child?"
"Tell him," Carlisle said. "I would like to know if it were me. Tell him, Isabella, and give him hope. Give him something more to home to."
Hope.
That was all I could grasp on to. The hope that he would make it out alive. The hope that he would come to not just me, but to a child as well.
Hope.
April 15th, 1942…
Edward
Signaling Jared, he tossed me the lighter and I caught it midair. I lit my cigarette and took a deep draw. I was still getting used to the scratchy feeling in my throat and the dizziness that came after smoking, but it was worth the momentary relief it brought me. Those few seconds of calm were worth the pending headache.
It was a nasty habit. One I planned on quitting as soon as I got home to Bella. My stomach churned at the thought of contaminating that sweet cinnamon smell of hers with one of ash.
"I heard we're heading east in the morning," Jared said before taking a draw at his own cigarette. "Got any idea for what?"
"Your guess is as good as mine," I said. I brought the cigarette to my lips, holding between my lips as I dusted some of the dirt from my hair.
We'd been back at base for only a day and they were planning on sending us out again. I'd only been here for two months and I was already fed up with it. We'd already lost men, good men, and it was only the fucking beginning. I wanted to shield Seth from it, but I knew I was doing him no good by coddling him and getting in trouble with my commanding officers when they gave him orders I did not like.
But he was just a kid. He was only nineteen years old. He should be back home, going to school, meeting girls. He shouldn't be here.
No one should be.
I tossed the bud of my cigarette on the ground, stomping on it.
What was Bella doing right now? Was she worrying? Was she thinking of me?
I love you.
Her words echo in my mind like a sweet melody. A melody that brought calm to my chaos.
I love you.
She loved me.
Isabella Swan loved me.
I felt a happiness I didn't know was possible when she spoke those words to me. For a second, I thought that if I were to die, I'd die the happiest man alive because Isabella Swan loved me. But it was only a thought. My will was stronger than a single thought and my will was to go back to Isabella.
She was right. We didn't have enough time, but one day we would. One day, we would have all the time in the world.
"Cullen."
I turned to find Will, holding an envelope in his hand as he walked toward me. He handed it to me and said, "Jeffords said this arrived for you earlier today."
I took the envelope from him, instantly recognizing the handwriting on the cream envelope as Bella's. She'd written to me again.
A smile tugged at my lips.
"Thanks, Will."
He nodded me off and walked away, back to where the others were having dinner. Jared was still busy smoking his cigarette, so I opened the envelope as gently as I could. I didn't want to tarnish anything Bella sent me. I had kept her last letter and I was determined to keep them all.
Opening the letter, I began reading:
My dear Edward,
It's only been a week since I last wrote to you, and the reality that much has changed since my last letter is still a little jarring to think about. I've battled with this day and night, wondering what the right choice was, whether I was doing the right thing. A part of me couldn't decide whether this was a blessing or a curse. But I finally decided I couldn't keep this from you.
The day I mailed you my last letter was the day I began to suspect I might be pregnant. Carlisle made me take a test and in a matter of days, we confirmed it. I'm pregnant.
Esme came with me to my first appointment with Dr. Lewis. He says I'm about ten weeks along. Everything so far is looking good. Esme and Carlisle have been even more attentive, if you would believe it.
I still can't wrap my head around the fact that we are having a baby. And you're not here. I've spent this last week being angry at the world, at God himself for taking you away, for robbing these special moments that we are supposed to have together.
But I don't want you to worry about me, okay? I want you to focus on surviving this war. On coming home to us. I'll be here waiting. We both will be here waiting for the day you come home. I love you, Edward, and a small evidence of that love is now growing inside me.
Please, take care of yourself.
With love,
Bella.
I slumped back against the tree, feeling as if my whole world had stopped spinning.
Bella was pregnant.
My Bella was having my baby.
And I wasn't going to be there. I wasn't going to be there to witness her pregnancy, the birth of our child, seeing them grow. Not as long as I was here.
No. No, I would not have it. I will be there. I didn't care how long it took, I would make it back to them. I would go home.
"Edward?" I heard Jared ask from behind me. "You're okay?"
I nodded, still holding on to the letter.
"I'm not dying out here," I said. "I'm not dying out here."
I was going back home to my wife and child. Not even the world falling apart could stop me.
Author's Note:
Edward is determined to survive! But what will happen now that Bella is expecting a baby?
Also! I know updates have gone down to once a week, but I'm kind of working on a potential third story! I'm not sure yet whether or not it's going to be posted yet, but I've been partly working on that while also working on this story and TLUT. But honestly, I'm so excited! Let me know your thoughts!
Chapter Twenty-Two Preview -
"You are brave. You are strong. You are a fighter."