Impasse
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Charlie
"Really, Bella, I don't know much at all." Jacob admitted with an awkward shrug.
Bella frowned. "But you must know something. We're friends, right?"
Jacob sighed, glancing over his shoulder at the closed door as if expecting the nurse to come bustling in again at any moment.
"We are."
"But?" Bella questioned, noticing the wary look on his face. "There is a but coming, isn't there?"
Jacob turned to face her again, looking extremely uncomfortable. "We are friends." He insisted. "But we didn't get to hang out much. You have your own circle of friends in Forks and I have mine in La Push – and once you took up with Cullen, you spent most of your time with him."
"You mean I ghosted you?"
"That's not what happened, Bella." Jacob rushed to reassure her, desperate to wipe the stricken look off her face. "We did hang out…. just not as much as I would have liked. And when we did it was fun. But I understood. You were caught up in a new romance. Its always like that in beginning of any relationship, wanting to spend all your time with that special person."
"It sounds like you're speaking from experience." Bella suggested tentatively.
She knew it shouldn't, but it bothered her, thinking that he might be romantically involved with someone. It was a ridiculous feeling. Her head was all over the place. She barely remembered any of their interactions since she had come back to live in Forks. The memory loss was frustrating. It's just that she felt so safe around him. He was warm, open, and friendly. She hoped that they would be able to reconnect, spend some time together when she eventually got out of the hospital. If there was another girl waiting for him in the wings, then she would just end up being the third wheel. She didn't want that.
Jacob ducked his head, looking suddenly coy. "No." He admitted. "Not really."
"Oh…oh!" Bella felt relief rush through her, making her laugh nervously. "Same here."
Jacob's head shot up again. He gazed at her curiously. "Except for Cullen." He reminded her.
"But I don't remember him."
"And there was no one before him?" Jacob continued to probe.
Bella shook her head.
"Not even in Pheonix?"
"Nope!"
"I can't believe that." Jacob didn't appear convinced. "Is that because you weren't interested or because no one asked?"
"Both." Bella confessed honestly.
Jacob still seemed disbelieving. She supposed at her age most girls would have had maybe one or two short term relationships. Or at least admitted to having a crush on someone. But oddly that had never happened to her. She didn't know why. It was hard for her to form close friendships in Arizona because she was so busy being the adult and parenting Renee. She spent a lot of her free time taking care of the house and working part time to help make ends meet. Renee wasn't very good at budgeting, so Bella took on this chore too. It left her little time to mix with her peers. She had one or two friends, well more like acquaintances really. She would go over to their houses and study, but never engaged in any social activities with them.
It looked like Jacob was debating with himself whether to ask any more questions. It was quiet except for the whirring of the machines, the beeping, the dripping, the ticking of the big clock on the wall. Finally, he seemed to come to a decision.
"The nurse will probably be back soon to administer your meds. Perhaps this would be a good time for me to go and find Charlie. He'll probably be able to answer your questions about Edward Cullen much better than I can." He said eventually.
"I suppose." Bella conceded. She really didn't want him to go, but what he said made sense.
"How are you feeling now?" Jacob asked.
"I'm fine." Bella lied, ignoring the growing fatigue that threatened to force her eyes closed.
"I don't believe you." Jacob said gently. "I can see you're struggling. Let me get Charlie."
"I'm not going back to sleep."
"You need rest."
"Are you always this bossy, Jacob?" Bella mumbled, her eyelids drooping.
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he laughed. Bella gazed up at him from under her half-closed lids, enjoying the sound of his lighthearted mirth. It wasn't just the sound of his laugh that was so attractive, it was in the way his eyes lit up, in the way his face changed into that vision of relaxed joy and unrestrained delight. Yet truly, it wasn't in his face either. His laugh came from within, it was just the way he was wired. Just being around him for a few minutes was better than a whole bunch of pain medication. Just the sound of his laughter was enough to transport her far away from her tension, her worries…
Oh, God, she really was more tired than she thought!
Jacob stood up when she yawned. "I think that's my cue to leave." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
"But you are coming back, right?" Bella asked, still fighting to keep awake.
"Sure, sure." Jacob said easily. He got up and crossed the small room, making his way to the door. As he opened it, he looked back, only to find that Bella was already asleep.
Bella's eyes shot open again when she felt something cold and smooth touch her face. "What?" She slurred; her vision hazy.
"I thought he would never leave." The voice that answered her was beautiful, like a lullaby.
Bella tried to shake her head, but it was too heavy. She had vague memory of a nurse coming in after Jacob left brandishing a syringe. She had injected the medicine into the tube, and it hadn't taken long before her drowsiness had increased tenfold as it trickled through her bloodstream.
"I understand now why everything I said was so confusing to you, Bella." The same dreamy voice whispered. "I overheard everything you said to Jacob Black, so I went and consulted with Carlisle. He's been checking over your scans and talking with your physicians. He could find nothing in the scans that could account for the memory loss. They look perfectly fine, which is a good thing. He has concluded that you may be suffering from some type of dissociative amnesia. It can be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences. Considering you've suffered both, it makes perfect sense. You'll need to undergo some further testing, but I think we can both agree that it's the most logical explanation for the gaps in your memory."
Bella's head felt foggy. She had no idea what the voice was talking about. Her mind couldn't focus. She was tired. So tired.
"Kay." She mumbled, wanting the voice to go away.
Cold lips touched her ear. "I love you." The voice whispered. "I promise I am going to take extra special care of you. You will get better. You will remember. And I will be right there to support you when it happens."
Bella turned her head slightly…searching. She heard a soft sigh, then the cold lips touched hers gently. She grimaced as she felt the chill echo throughout her injured body.
"Sleep now." The beautiful voice murmured. "We'll talk again soon."
Bella wasn't really there at all anymore. But she fought against the stupor weakly. There was just one thing she wanted to say.
"Where's Jacob?"
There was a sharp intake of breath. And then the night closed over her.
Bella woke up suddenly, not because of any noise or interruption, but because her nightmare had reached its conclusion. As she resurfaced, the horrific images, the metallic scent of blood, the screams, faded from her memory. She moaned a little, her tongue darting out to lick her dry lips.
A hand reached out and encased hers. Warm. Gentle.
"Jacob?" She rasped, turning her head to the side.
"No, kiddo, its me." Charlie's concerned face swung into view, blocking out the harsh strip lights burning her eyes. "How are you feeling?"
"Thirsty." Bella replied hoarsely.
"I'll get you some water."
There was the sound of chair legs scraping back on ceramic tiles. Then the soft plink, plink of water pouring into a glass.
"Here." Charlie reappeared, holding a glass with a straw in one hand. With the other he helped Bella to sit up a little. He kept hold of the glass as she took the straw in her mouth and sucked.
The cool water felt like liquid heaven trickling down her throat. Bella kept sucking, not stopping until the glass was empty.
"Thanks." She said, feeling more refreshed as her head fell back against the pillows.
Charlie put the glass down on the little bedside cabinet and drew the hard plastic chair closer to the bed. He reached for Bella's hand, cradling it gently in his as if afraid to cling on too tight in case he shattered the bones. She looked so frail lying in the hospital bed, the vibrant strands of her long, brunette hair providing the only color.
"How are you feeling now?" He asked again.
"Better." Bella tried to smile, but didn't quite manage to get her lips to cooperate. It came out more as a grimace. "At least I'll feel better when I can get out of here and go home."
Pain crossed Charlie's face at the word home. His jaw pulsed; his tension obvious. "And where might that be? Are you still intending to move back in with your mother. Renee told me – "
"What?" Bella cut him off in surprise. "I told mom I was staying in Forks with you."
Now Charlie looked totally confused. He shifted his chair closer so he could get a good look at her face. He studied her with a worried frown. "Jake said you seemed a bit confused about things. You really don't remember?"
Bella examined her father's troubled face, trying to get her mind to focus. There was a huge gap in her memory, and the harder she tried to remember, the more strained she felt, the more frightened. It was like her brain was resisting her attempts to recall the information from the depths of her frazzled mind, like it was trying to protect her in some way. But protect her from what? The last clear memory she had, the one she was certain had happened, was moving in with Charlie and him gifting her with the old red Chevy Pick-up truck.
"No." She confessed anxiously. "I remember moving back in with you. And that's it."
"So, you don't remember anything about the night you left?"
Bella looked at him in alarm. "The night I left? What do you mean? Why would I leave?"
Charlie winced as if he was recalling a painful memory. He scratched his chin, leaning back in his chair and sighing heavily. "Edward never spoke about any of this to you? He's been by your side since you came into the hospital, refusing to leave no matter how many times I tried to throw him out. Of course, your mother had to take his side, making it difficult – "
"Dad, I don't remember Edward." Bella interrupted again, feeling the rising panic beginning to take over. "When I first woke up, I didn't recognize him at all. I still don't. In fact, he freaked me out. Some of the things he was saying….and what do you mean I left?"
She babbling now, barely coherent. Charlie did his best to calm her down.
"Breathe, kiddo. Its okay."
"Its not." Bella cried. "Please, Dad, tell me what happened? Why did I leave?"
"I don't think now is the right time to discuss it. Not while you're so upset. I think we should talk to your doctors."
"No, now is exactly the right time. Why did I leave?" Bella demanded, her voice rising.
Charlie winced, still hesitating.
"Dad!"
"Alright, Bells, alright. You left because of him, okay. You went out on a date – to play baseball or something with his family. Then you came back in a right state. You were upset and clearly hysterical, saying that you broke up with Edward Cullen. And when I asked you why…. you…. you…." He swallowed thickly, his eyes moistening slightly.
"What did I say?" Bella whispered through the lump that had formed in her throat. She could see how much this was visibly hurting Charlie. She didn't understand any of it, but she needed to know.
"You said you did like him – that was the problem. But that you couldn't do this anymore. You couldn't put down any more roots in Forks, because you didn't want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like your mom. And that you weren't going to make the same mistake she did. You said you hated it – and couldn't stay another minute. I tried to stop you….to get you to talk…. but you'd made your mind up and then you…you… just left."
A lone tear escaped Charlie's left eye as he spoke. It travelled slowly down his cheek, finding its way past the day-old stubble to rest in the corner of his mouth. He wiped it away with the back of his hand, breathing deeply as he tried to compose himself.
"And then the next thing I knew I got the call to tell me you'd had an accident and was in hospital. I left straight away. Billy insisted on coming with me. He could see I was all over the place. Without him and Jake I don't think I would have made it here in one piece." He admitted with difficulty. "Oh, God, I shouldn't be telling you this."
Bella shook her head, her fingers clutching tightly to his. She was reeling from all that she had learned. None of it made any sense. There was no way she would have ever said such cruel, callous things to her father. She knew how much that would have hurt him, killed him even, to repeat back what Renee had said the night she had left. If she hadn't heard the words straight from Charlie's mouth, she would never have believed it. There had to be another, rational explanation why she would do this – but with the gaps in her short-term memory, she was at a loss.
A/N-thanks for reading!