Author's Note: One of my favourite headcanon victors finally gets her moment. It's just not quite as ideal as she anticipated.
I will also be away next week so updates for this story will resume on 22 May.
….
The Eighty-Seventh Annual Hunger Games: Cameron Carter, District Six (18)
His life had changed in a way he despised. The arena would change him and make him into something he was not, and the Capitol took the opportunity with both hands and created Cameron's narrative for him.
He knew it from the moment he was reaped. The flash of anger in his eyes on the screens for the district, and all Panem to see. It was obvious what the Capitol could make of that. But he also saw the flicker of excitement in Poppy's eyes and at that moment he knew to stand that bit taller. He was already tall and broad, dwarfing his poor fifteen-year-old district partner who was trying to fight back tears. But Cameron was not going to cry, even as he saw the tears in his sister's eyes. He was going to come home for her and if that meant fighting all twenty-three of the other tributes, he would do it.
The food on the train made him feel sick so he spent time hiding in his room, willing himself not to make a scene. He also took the time to gather his thoughts before approaching Poppy with his strategy. It would also give his district partner time to talk to their mentor. He hoped that getting the first opportunity would make her feel valued like she was worth talking to because Cameron had watched her shrink since the moment they stood together on the stage.
He listened for the moment their conversation ended before leaving his room to talk to Poppy. Upon seeing him, she requested some toast and tea with none of the niceties the Capitol were offering. He didn't understand what they were talking about anyway and he wanted nothing else that would make him feel ill.
"I get it," Poppy started. "I've had thirty-three years of this. I can see when the food is too much but it's no good trying to get through this on an empty stomach. Not when you have as good a chance as you do."
"Did you say that to the girl?"
"I asked her if she wanted to come home and if she was ready to do what was needed. I already know I don't need to ask you that."
"I'm coming home, and I hope you can help."
"Like I said, Cameron, over thirty years of this shit. I hope I've learned something in that time. Do you have any ideas? Any strategy?"
"Kill anyone who gets in my way, I guess? I thought that's what I had to do," Cameron laughed awkwardly.
"If you're going it alone in an arena, that's how you play it. I did the same. But you must think about the wider game too. Your angle, how you want to be seen."
"I've got no idea about that."
"We can work on it but there are lots of angles we could use. How do you want to be in front of the other kids?"
"I'm not going to be horrible to them, especially the younger ones and definitely not the girl," Cameron said, gesturing towards his district partner's room. "But I'm not going to try to be their friend either, it's not the time for it."
"Agreed," Poppy said. "Be civil, talk to them a bit but only one of you is leaving the arena alive and it's going to be you."
"You're not just saying that?"
"You've seen the Reaping. You're bigger than Two's boy and that alone will get you attention. You'll be stronger than most. Find a weapon you can work with, and it will leave you in good standing. The volunteers will notice you. How do you want to go about them?"
Cameron looked startled, "I'd never even thought about allies and certainly not them."
"It's your choice," Poppy said. "Someone of your stature, a good training score could get you in with them. Watch them and see. Maybe try a station with them and let me know."
Cameron remembers agreeing to Poppy's suggestion and spending an awkward couple of hours in the Training Centre with the six volunteer tributes. It was clear there was interest in allying with him and to his surprise, Cameron found himself seriously considering it.
He had done exactly as Poppy asked, showing some of his strength but not his full capabilities. That was left for the private session with the Gamemakers and Cameron walked out with a nine. He had an offer with the careers if he wanted it.
But after a lot of thinking and talking with Poppy, Cameron politely declined, and Poppy managed to secure an understanding that they would not fight it out at the Cornucopia bloodbath. It had been a difficult decision, especially in light of the previous year's victor. Poppy did not know if there would be wariness or suspicion among the pack that Cameron would either do his best to avoid or try to exploit. The opposite could also be true and the alliance could be united and leave him a complete outsider.
Cameron had decided that they were putting on a display of unity to prove that the previous Games were a fluke. If they were a united six, it would leave him the seventh member, out alone on a limb. That was not a position he wanted to be in. At the first sign of a splinter, the obvious move would be to turn on him. If the careers reached the end together, that was surely what they would do. But the volunteer alliance only lasts as long as it is feasible in each year's circumstances and any split would put him at risk. He could not see a scenario where allying with the careers ended with him alive.
So, Cameron played the game alone. His arena was bitterly cold and snowy, not to the same extent as Enobaria's arena he now knows, but too cold for his liking. He killed two tributes at the bloodbath and hid amongst some snow-covered rocks. On the third day, he ran from mutts into half of an already-splintered career alliance and killed both tributes from One, leaving him with injuries which Poppy did her best to provide for.
He found the boy from District Four who had fought alongside the Ones the following day and finished the job. A boy from Six had destroyed half of the career alliance alone and he was showered in sponsorship gifts.
He had already killed five of those he stepped into the arena with, and it was taking its toll. He did not want to be a killer, yet he knew he would have to kill again, and he would be more than capable of doing so. Some were relatively easy kills, and he knew the Capitol would delight in portraying him as a brutal, ruthless killer. But that was not who he was. Cameron wanted to see his sister again and would do everything he could to get home.
Before the finale, Poppy sent him a whetstone to sharpen his weapons and a note telling him that she would see him soon.
They did meet again, and Cameron was sure it was not the reunion his mentor anticipated. He had woken up confused and angry. When he saw Poppy, he reached out to her, shouted, and swung one of his arms towards her. But she was fast and caught his hand in motion. He realised the next time he woke up that she had two men he recognised as other victors standing beside her.
He remembers apologising and Poppy telling him it did not matter. The look on the faces of the men on either side of her told him otherwise.
Poppy tentatively reached for his hand and told him that the arena was behind him and that he would soon be safe at home with her where he could see his sister and mother again. Thinking of his sister pulled Cameron through the days in the Capitol even as they were turning him into someone he was not.
He knew when he was on stage with Lucretius Flickerman that the Capitol had made him into the beast of a man they wanted. Flickerman had even called him that and Cameron snapped at him, hissing that he was not a beast before remembering where he was and turning to see Poppy cringing as she waited at the side of the stage for him.
He took a breath, switched the conversation to his sister and his role as big brother and counted down the minutes until he could leave the stage.
He apologised to Poppy again after he came off the stage and again Poppy told him it didn't matter. This time he knew that her friends agreed with her. He had come to know them as Linden and Blight and Cameron realised they enjoyed seeing anyone get under the skin of someone from the Capitol.
Halley and Cecelia were standing next to Poppy too, along with Katniss Everdeen, and he was yet to understand why they were all so invested in him, despite their friendship with Poppy. But they each tried to reassure him and let him know that it was not a complete disaster. They did not think he was the person the Capitol was portraying him to be.
But as Cameron approached the Victory Tour, he did not know who or what he was. He hated people seeing him as a vicious killer, a beast. But he killed like one and still felt urges to attack people. He shouted at his mother when he moved to the Victors' Village, and he was distraught as his sister felt nervous around him and flinched when he became angry. He loved her and wanted to protect her, but it was that side of him that was causing him so much anguish.
He had hurt Poppy too and approached her with a knife, but despite her being significantly older than him, she managed to disarm him. But whenever he saw the bruises he had inflicted on her, he felt a crushing guilt. His mentor was anchoring him to life and was one of the only things preventing a total breakdown. He had hurt her, and she brushed it off.
There were days when they were all at ease and they could be together without incident. They had dinner together, albeit they had all adjusted to there being no knives in Cameron's presence. They could sit outside in the cool autumn weather and talk or watch television inside. He was so proud of his sister who had taken to returning to school with ease and he loved that he had been able to create a better life for her and ease the burden on their mother. He had provided for her for life, and he desperately wanted her around and was distressed when he caused upset to them all.
He was constantly confused by his feelings. Poppy called it survivors' guilt, but Cameron did not understand, given he had killed seven other tributes. It was not as if his survival was by accident. He hated seeing himself portrayed as a ruthless killer and as the Tour approached, he saw himself in the media all the time, killing other children. But he did what he had to do out of coercion, this was not a path he had chosen for himself, and Poppy told him that made all the difference. But Cameron struggled to reconcile being a killer with not being a bad person. He had strived to be his sister's protector, but he looked to others like a vicious aggressor. The Capitol had forced him to kill and was relishing in his suffering.
He felt weak as he was forced into Victory Tour preparations. He knew he was not stable and that visiting the other districts was going to be a struggle. He now had to contend with being the overly large boy from Six whilst also being someone who was not able to be near so much as a butter knife without supervision.
Poppy had told him that they ought to send a message to the other victors to make the Tour easier. It was not as if they had to act to send this message either and Cameron felt embarrassed. His mentor assured him there was nothing to feel ashamed about as plenty of victors had found themselves in worse positions than he was. But still, he hated knowing that all the other victors would realise what had been happening at home.
The material for the Tour was supposed to show off Cameron living his luxurious new life. They had managed to create a picture of contentment in between the signs to the other victors that all was not entirely well.
His family and Poppy were filmed preparing and eating dinner together. Cameron went nowhere near the kitchen and the meal consisted of foods that did not require a knife to eat. They were also eating at Poppy's home, where his belongings remained. When he showed the cameras around his house, they could see items belonging to his mother, her parents and his sister. His possessions were all at his mentor's home whilst his family lived in the house that was supposed to belong to him.
He was an adult living like a child. He had been forced to grow up, yet he felt like he had taken several backward steps. He could not live alone or with his family. They had all moved into his home whilst Cameron remained with Poppy. He had not felt safe to suggest he join them yet and neither Poppy nor his family suggested it. He had been through an arena, outlived twenty-three others, killed almost a third of the field and now could not be trusted to live with his family.
He could not eat or prepare a meal like most other people. He had used a butter knife under Poppy's supervision without feeling an outburst come over him and that had been a sign of progress. But Cameron felt pathetic that he could not manage such a mundane part of life.
The other victors just pretended everything was normal when the Victory Tour came around. They were kind and gracious in District Twelve that Cameron hardly noticed that Peeta's homemade bread was pre-sliced, the stew served in bite-size portions and the dessert came already sliced. Poppy was so impressed with the improvement in food quality brought on by Peeta and Katniss' participation that she barely remembered Cameron's predicament either.
They had finished dinner and were drinking and talking in the Mayor's sitting room when Cameron first realised that the other victors truly did not care about how he was portrayed on television. They understood what was happening and he realised they might be able to help if he got to know them.
Noticing that Katniss and Haymitch had taken Poppy to one side, Peeta started a conversation with Six's victor, "You can relax, you know that? We all get it."
Cameron sighed, "I just hate it. Nothing's like I thought it would be."
"You can say that again," Peeta laughed. "But there's no judgement here, or in any of the Villages for that matter. We'll get to know who you are, not what they make of you on TV."
"I just hate seeing what they've made of me and what they made me do."
"You won't find many of us queuing to watch our Games again, Cameron. You need to find something good from it. Something that makes you feel strong without reminding you of being back there. It won't always work but it helps."
"What works for you?"
"The things I always used to enjoy. Painting, baking, gardening. Katniss helps too. The others help in the Capitol. There's a group of us who started sparring in the training gym to let off some steam."
"I don't think Poppy would appreciate me going back to what I used to do," Cameron laughed.
Peeta caught on quickly, "Katniss was the same. Either find something new or a way to do what you were doing that's not illegal or won't get you caught," he whispered.
"No way to wrestle peacekeepers without attracting attention now. I don't need the money anymore either."
It was Peeta's turn to laugh, "You can join us in the Capitol. There's a group of us who wrestle for a bit of fun. Lots of Twos, the women from Seven. Marshall from Eleven joins in too. Finnick might grace us with his presence for half an hour sometimes, but he doesn't take it seriously."
"Is that a good idea? With what I'm like, I mean?"
"If it gets too bad there's a few of us who could pin you down if that's what you mean."
"Sounds like a challenge."
"That's the spirit. You'll get on with us just fine, Cameron."
He was made to feel welcome in District Eleven and was surprised by how much he enjoyed his time in District Ten. It was a meal Poppy was particularly concerned about. Ten had a tradition of getting the newest victor to carve into the pig that had been cooked especially for the occasion and that could easily have led to disaster for Cameron. Instead, Ten's victors had asked the Mayor's staff to prepare summer barbecue foods and gave Cameron first choice of anything he wanted.
He also spent time in Charo and Adan's restaurant in Ten's centre and listened as they told Poppy about their plans for expansion as they had become particularly successful. He was initially worried about this element of his visit to Ten and he knew Poppy was too as Rosa would also be in attendance. Cameron had not been around any children beyond his sister since the arena. He did not know how he would react around a girl approaching reaping age herself. But the victors' daughter immediately reminded him of his sister, and he spent much of his time talking to Rosa about her adventures in District Ten and the people she met.
Ryan in District Nine was particularly keen to get to know him and Poppy had commented after they had left that his attitude was influencing Barric and Maizey who were keener to talk to her than they had previously been. Barley was miserable and both Cameron and Poppy noticed him staring enviously at their wine glasses whilst reluctantly drinking the water he had in front of him. He had admitted to Poppy he was attempting to stop drinking again at the request of his long-suffering wife.
Districts Eight and Seven were family affairs. Eight because they were joined by Cecelia's entire family. This pushed the Mayor and the Capitol attendees to the end of the table whilst the rest of them ate and talked together. It was obvious that Poppy had been accepted into their family and that their invitation was extended to Cameron, even though they were forced into eating with a spoon because of him.
The atmosphere in Seven was similar. Poppy was embraced by them all and Linden and Blight's initial wariness over Cameron had started to fade as he began to feel more comfortable in their presence.
It was here when Cameron noticed that his mentor was at her happiest. He had begun to realise how painfully lonely her life in Six could have been and that contact with the other victors would be a lifeline. She had been excited to arrive in Seven and seemed genuinely disappointed when they had to leave.
Time in District Five flew by. Cameron found Soleil to be the most willing to talk to him and she was easy to be around. He decided to make a note of that for his time in the Capitol during the Games.
The other victors in Districts Three and Four were delighted to see them both and Poppy in particular. Cameron realised that in both districts, Finnick and Halley had seen that he was okay in the company of the victors before pulling Poppy aside for a private conversation. He had no idea what they were discussing and did not think it was his place to ask as Poppy never even gave the slightest hint after they had left which he had figured was unusual for her. But if she did not want him to know, he was content with that for now. He had enough to think about as the Tour approached the Capitol.
He was introduced to the victors most keen on wrestling when he reached District Two. Their youngest victor, Antigone had a way of riling him up and Cameron found himself outside with a group of Two's victors with Poppy and an injured Lyme looking on. There was a strange tension between himself and Antigone that they seemed to thrive off and everyone was interested when Cameron and Paulus fought in what turned out to be a very even match.
Whilst Cameron was surprised by their friendliness in Two, he was equally shocked at the lack of unity amongst One's victors. It was obvious that they were dividing into two groups with only one eager to talk to him. Theodore was particularly welcoming, and Cameron noticed Poppy deliberately seeking out Aria. Gloss, Cashmere and Gem seemed equally happy to see them and Cameron saw Cashmere discreetly showing Poppy photographs of the daughter that she was doing her best to hide from anyone she did not trust completely. He understood why he was not invited to share the moment and he did not blame Cashmere at all.
But the highs of the districts and the interaction with the other victors came crashing down in the Capitol. There he was forced to watch himself in the arena on camera again. Lucretius Flickerman was back asking stupid questions, called him a beast once more and people were clawing at him at the parties he was forced to attend. Nobody was aware of his needs or sensitivities, and he found himself becoming increasingly irate.
This turned into an anger he struggled to control and at one point he growled at a woman who tried to take hold of him by the collar of his shirt. Cameron saw Poppy blanch and rush to his side. She understood what was happening and did not let him out of her sight afterwards.
It was as if they knew the effect they were having on him and wanted to see the side of him they had created in the arena. It was no coincidence that Flickerman had made the comment he had, and Cameron flinched every time he heard someone else refer to him as the beast of a man from District Six. Nobody ever tried to speak to him about his sister and they never displayed the moments during the Tribute Parade where he reacted kindly to his district partner. All they wanted to see was the man who single-handedly destroyed half of the volunteer pack without a second thought.
He completely broke down when he returned home, and it took all of Poppy and his mother's efforts to coax him back around. There was no television switched on in the Village, no more attempts to make progress with living alongside his family and only supervised walks beyond the grounds of their homes.
Poppy had tried to assure him that most victors took steps backwards after their Victory Tour, and that relapse was completely natural at this stage. But Cameron did not feel normal. The connections he had started to build with the others felt increasingly farther away. They could all fight together, wrestle and push each other's buttons but they knew where to stop and knew they could stop. Cameron had surges of anger where he felt he would not be able to stop himself if he was in a fighting position and now, he knew where his limits could take him.
He did not trust himself when he was angry and when he was angry, he gave in to the exact thing he did not want to be. He was spiralling and Poppy and his mother were alongside him constantly, trying to lift his spirits and distract him from the intrusive thoughts he struggled to fight. They were trying to find something Cameron could focus his mind to, but nothing would stick until a surprise gift arrived from District Seven.
Poppy had already explained that the bench in her garden had been a gift from Seven's victors and now they had provided enough materials and a guide to construct two more alongside it, sufficient room for Cameron's family to join the space that Linden had imagined for himself and Poppy years previously.
Cameron had established that Poppy had a deep bond with Seven's victors, but he had not yet properly established why. He had noticed that his mentor was wearing a ring on a necklace that she frequently toyed with when they were outside and had asked his mother, knowing that she was more likely to have figured it out. But she simply told him that if there was a reason behind it, Poppy would let him know only when she decided to. In the meantime, he should not pry and should focus on helping with the construction according to the instructions they had been given.
It turned out that woodwork was something Cameron had a natural talent for, and it became the distraction he needed. As the weather began to grow warmer, he was able to spend more time outside and Poppy had been able to source materials for him to practice with.
He had been offered an effective outlet and Cameron resolved to thank District Seven's victors who inadvertently set him on the right path. It would not be an easy way forward; nobody was under any doubt as to that. There were still days when Cameron was prone to angry outbursts, and he knew they would continue, but having something productive to spend time on was beneficial. He desperately needed a distraction to help keep the intrusive thoughts at bay and Cameron was now trying to take each day as it came without worrying too much about what the future had in store.
Cameron knew he would have to return to the Capitol. He had not been deemed so unstable that returning would be inappropriate. So, he knew he was going to have to learn to control his outbursts. He thought back to his Victory Tour and the moments when he forged bonds with many of the others and realised that they could help. He had already learned that taking the help of others was not a sign of weakness and that like Poppy, they knew who he was and knew better than to believe in the lies created by the Capitol that he was struggling to break free from.
The Capitol had tried to shape his new life and control people's views of him. But Cameron was determined to see a time where he could rid himself of their control. It would be the only way to get his life back and fully remain who he had always wanted to be.