"Even though it looks like it's the future,"
"It's really a long, long time ago."
"When there were knights,"
"And they got into fights,"
"Using sabres of light."
"Please remember:"
"Even though some things look so familiar,"
"They're not really on Earth."
"Yeah, it's a galaxy far, far away."
"Alien DNA walking 'round every day;"
"And no one notices..."

Not The Future - Bad Lip Reading

Location:
Somewhere in London
Date:
13th October, 1990
(Ren's 'chosen' Birthday)

"I can't do this," the Doctor grumbled as he fiddled with the sleeves of the suit that Ren had all but forced him to wear for what felt the thousandth time. It really wasn't much different from his usual, but the idea of playing the part of the assassin's 'Muggle Father' - a decisively cold shiver trickled its way down the Time Lord's spine at the mere thought - supposedly required him to wear something less... boyish.

Donna's terms.

"How did I even get talked into this?" he continued to whine, throwing himself onto a nearby lounge even as said companion entered the room. Where Ren had actually acquired the suit, the furniture - even the blood house as a whole - was one mystery the Doctor really had no interest in investigating.

He'd learnt well from the last time he'd done such a thing.

"Oh, will you quit complaining," Donna snapped. "It's not like we really have much to do. All Ren said was that we have to act like we have no idea as to what the Professor will be talking about. And considering that I really don't have the foggiest," the ginger shrugged, "I think we'll be fine."

"Are we really going with 'Smith'?" Ren's voice called as the sounds of her footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs.

"What's wrong with Smith?" the Doctor replied at the same time Donna turned back to him with a frown.

"Why do you always get to choose?"

"I'm older," the Time Lord shrugged, finally deciding to just give up on life as a whole and accept his fate.

For now - and until he was no longer 'needed' - the Doctor was officially a... 'Father'.

Hell had surely frozen over.

...

...

Well, if anything, the Time Lord did muse however, he may just be lucky enough to slip up somewhere and get him that quick death he did so wish for.

Wizards were, as far as he knew, quite quick with their retribution. If they wanted you dead... you were, well, dead.

"No you're not!" Ren corrected as she stepped into the room, causing the Doctor to jolt from his thoughts as he turned to look at the blonde; his mouth opening with a retort already set to go, ready to argue that he was, in fact, older - only to end up bursting into laughter at the sight of Ren looking all of eleven.

"What?" the miniature murderer did ask, frowning at the Doctor as she put her hands on her tiny hips - and forced Donna to bite her tongue, stiffling a giggle that threatened to escape. "Did I get blood on my clothes again?" Ren continued, looking between the pair before glancing down at herself, twisting this way ant that to see if she had gotten her clothes stained.

"No, it's nothing," Donna was quick to reassure, jabbing the Doctor in the side when he went to open his mouth again; either saved by saying anything more as the doorbell rang.

"Oh, that must be the Professor!" Ren declared with a blinding grin, her confusion regarding her clothes completely forgotten as she rushed to answer the door.

"Don't give me that look," Donna huffed, a smirk pulling at her lips as she glanced to the Doctor; meeting his narrow-eyed gaze with an amused yet knowing look. "You can't tell me you won't enjoy this," she added, moving off in order to play Ren's 'doting mother' before the Time Lord could even reply; throwing over her shoulder as she left, "I bet even you've never been given express permission to boss around the Devil's Daughter before..."

The ginger didn't need to look back to know that the Doctor's frown had most certainly turned upside down; knowing that it really wasn't every day that one got to act as the parent of the very daughter of the Devil Himself - and that the Doctor was going to use every opportunity gifted to him to pay the assassin back.

It had truly been a long time coming, but Donna felt as though the tables were finally about to be turned against one Ren 'Smith' - and there was nothing the eleven-year-old assassin could do about it.

Ren opened the front door - and her lips immediately curved upwards into a delighted smile as she was confronted by a dark silhouette that did block out the light of the morning sun.

In spite of the seemingly ethereal glow that the sunlight did produce around the figure, the now-literal 'child' assassin could still tell that whoever was currently acting like a shadow in her doorway was male; something of which she knew, despite the many layers of black they did seem to wear, from her centuries of, well, murdering them.

It was a rather surprisingly useful skill, she had come to discover.

Though today... it was also one that brought with it a sudden bout of confusion.

"Dad?" the platinum blonde questioned, the slightest touch of hesitation colouring her tone. And her eyes squinted in an attempt to make something out of the swath of looming darkness before her as she added, "I thought you weren't coming 'round until Halloween..."

Severus Snape could do nothing but blink, his dark eyes narrowing as he regarded the young, pale-haired girl before him.

Dad?

The word hung in the air, causing a heavy veil of confusion to settle over his features. It wasn't a title the wizard was accustomed to in the slightest, and nor was it one he particularly desired - and especially not from a child he held no knowledge of.

The girl's boldness had surprised him, yet before he could even get the chance to formulate a response, a woman with fiery red hair emerged from behind the girl; a seemingly comforting presence appearing at her side.

"Hi, I'm Donna Smith," she introduced herself, a hand coming to rest gently on her daughter's shoulder. "You must be the Professor that letter spoke of."

Severus' discomfort only deepened under the gaze of both mother and daughter, something within causing an almost silent alarm to ring in the back of his mind.

Red on black, venom lack.
Yet...
Did red on yellow not kill a fellow?

The Potions Master was certain the rhyme went something along those lines, yet the reason it had appeared in his mind at that very moment in time had him feeling discomforted. Neither type had generally treated him well in the past, and he really wasn't about to take the chance that they would start to change now.

"Yes," he did finally reply, however, his voice coming out clipped and precise. "Potions Master Severus Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," he added, as if he needed to reaffirm his own identity in this unexpected scenario; his dark eyes returning to the ginger's (not his) daughter.

The girl, much to his displeasure, seemed undeterred by his rather icy demeanour; her own eyes lighting up with a clear delight as she blurted out, "Oh, have you made anything explode recently?" Her tone was innocent, yet tinged with a mischief Severus had hoped to never have the pleasure of re-meeting.

Either half of the Weasley twins were more than enough, thank you very much.

Raven eyebrows couldn't help but furrow slightly at the outburst; Severus' usually impartial expression crackling with the betrayal of annoyance.

"Ren, leave the poor man alone," a new voice suddenly interjected, drawing the Potions Master's attention to a man who had just stepped into the room. His unkept brown hair and mischievous grin suggested an all too familiar laid-back demeanour, a stark contrast to Severus' own rigid composure - and possibly explained a lot about the girl's.

"Don't mind her, Professor," the newcomer continued as he came to a stop beside who Severus could only guess to be his wife as he added, "Donna here let her watch Star Wars last night and ever since then our little Renny-Poo's had this fascination with blowing stuff up."

"Renny-Po- Hey!"

Severus' lip twitched in a semblance of a smirk at the man's remark, a flicker of amusement briefly dancing within the depths of his dark eyes. The memory of his own first encounter with the film series stirred within him unbiddenly, a nostalgic moment amidst the unexpected as he recalled the clandestine trip he himself had taken to a Muggle cinema; the absolute thrill of sneaking past the vigilant eyes of his fellow Slytherins - of the very Headmaster himself - in order to immerse himself within a world unlike any he had known.

That, and possibly the way the father seemed to control his... overly enthusiastic child.

Not laidback, he may just be.

"Indeed," he replied with the slightest incline of his head, voice carrying the barest hint of reminiscence. "Star Wars possesses a certain allure, even for those not versed in the ways of Muggle entertainment," was added, the irony not lost on Severus - a wizard who had found fascination in a world completely devoid of magic, yet was brimming with another different kind of wonderment that was all its own.

Though, and as he returned his attention to Ren and the reason he was there, Severus' stern expression reasserted itself. "Nevertheless, Miss Smith," he addressed the girl firmly. "While the exploits of fictional characters may capture your imagination, I must warn you that real-life consequences await those who indulge in reckless behaviour; particularly within the confines of a laboratory."

"So, you have blown something up?"

...

...

"Tea?"

Before the silence could grow even more stifling after Ren's rather unfounded question, Donna intervened with a simple gesture that seemed to soften the tension lingering in the air. Severus hesitated for a moment, gaze lingering on the young witch he'd been sent to visit before he finally conceded with a curt nod, following Donna into the depths of their home.

As he settled into a chair, the surprisingly cozy atmosphere enveloped the wizard; a stark contrast to the austere halls of Hogwarts - or even that rundown 'house' he did keep in Cokeworth. And with the additive of Donna's hospitality and her husband's genial banter, the tension that had initially gripped Severus slowly eased; their seemingly friendly comradery offering him a reprieve from not only the girl who had - for some unknown reason - mistaken him for her own father, along with a startling obsession with explosives, but that of the rigidity and introvertive conditions of his usual surroundings.

"Thank you," Severus acknowledged quietly as Donna poured him a cup of tea, a rare hint of gratitude slipping past his usual reserve. Though with his guard remaining firmly in place, the Potions Master found himself begrudgingly drawn into their midst - if only for a fleeting moment as Ren suddenly turned her piercing gaze his way.

"You don't blow up familiars, do you?" the chit suddenly questioned with narrowing eyes.