A Snake Decides to Love (7.)
-Three Days Before the Wedding -
Obanai's head was bowed to the floor in a gesture of pure desperation and to hide his face.
How utterly humiliating, but it would be worth it for Mitsuri's smile. He dared to lift his head a few inches to see the man's ankles.
Tengen smiled confusedly. He was in his civilian robe, having been forced to retire from the frontline.
"Not every day the Serpent Hashira bows before for me, but not a bad day at all."
"I … you've three wives," Obanai managed to say.
"Last I checked."
"So, I'd assume you know the ways to…" Obanai gritted his teeth. Kamisama, please strike him with lightning now. "To please a woman."
Tengen's laughter rang in his ears. Kaburamaru recoiled from the noise.
"You want to show Kanroji a flashy night, huh?"
His wrapped face grazed the dirt. "We'll be married, so presumably a wedding night follows. She deserves only the best on her marital bed."
Demons he could take, but he couldn't stomach being made fun of by his peers.
"Lift your head, Iguro."
He did so and was met with an amused but not cruel Tengen.
"The best thing to do is ask her what she likes. Every woman is unique; what works for one won't work for another. Communication before anything happens is also essential."
"I don't think she'd know. She's inexperienced ..." He swallowed. "As am I."
Tengen clapped his hands. "Even better, you'll learn together. What's your current knowledge level of the ways of women? Beginner, intermediate, expert, or flashy master?" He gave a dazzling smile. His eye patch glinted perfectly from the sun's rays.
He couldn't do it.
His pride was too much.
Sweat was accumulating at his bangs.
Just tell the truth! Tengen won't be there when you are all alone with her and stuck on stupid because you let your pride clamp your mouth, Obanai thought.
With a thud, he faceplanted into the dirt.
"Less than a beginner. I know the technical terms and moves, but I've no real-life experience. I never dreamed of marriage or even loving a woman in that way. I've been on a suicide mission since birth. I'm … I'm out of my element."
The other man's smile wasn't unkind.
"You're an intense sort of guy, Iguro. Who knew?" Tengen snorted. "How the mighty have fallen."
Iguro felt a hand brush over his head, then he was lifted by the shoulder.
"Get up, man. You look pathetic." Tengen said, rolling his eye. "Anyway, would you like me to call my wives? It may help from a woman's perspective. Lord knows Hinatsuru knows too much on this topic. Lovely she-devil."
Obanai shook his head, dirt particles falling from his bangs.
How many people would be privy to his ineptitude? Tengen, Mitsuri (if he didn't learn some techniques soon), and Tengen's three wives?
Tengen placed a hand on Obanai's shoulder. Normally, he would have shrugged off the unwanted contact, but he was in no position to complain."
"Well, maybe I'll get them to write something for you. But, for now, let's go to the kitchen."
Obanai tilted his head in confusion.
"You're hungry? Your wives said you just finished dinner."
"No, Iguro. We're going to need fruit: peaches, grapefruit, oranges, etc."
"For juice?"
The former sound hashira gave him a look that was a mixture of pity and disgust.
"For practice. You have a lot to learn. While we're at it, you will need some medical anatomy books as well."
Obanai's eyes widened.
"You need to learn the parts of the female body. While you begin your training, address me as Sensei," Tengen ordered, as he walked him to the kitchen.
What had he gotten himself into?
Obanai was melting. He hovered over the love of his life in their dimly lit room.
He didn't know which was more embarrassing how the whole house slowly cleared out except Zenitsu who had to be dragged out forcefully or the sounds they were making. But Obanai could barely focus on more than two actions: breathe and move.
His brain had compacity for nothing else.
Everything was too amazing to taint it with worry.
He tried to moan into the pillow she lay against. "Mi—Mitsuri!"
"I-It feels gooddd." Her soft pants echoed in his ears.
He was gentler than he had ever been, not wanting to hurt her in any way.
Neither was experienced and there was a lot of (good) fumbling around until they found a rhythm. And a lot of stopping and starting on his part, trying to delay the inevitable when he felt like his soul was squeezed out of him. Every muscle of Mitsuri was gripped around him tightly.
He buried his face into her neck, trying to calm down. An intrusive thought took over and he lifted to kiss her forehead.
"I—" she started. A small gasp.
"I know," he inhaled. His eyes closed, eyelashes trembling. He reopened them at the contact of her cupping his face and retracing one of his scars. "My love," he exhaled.
Mitsuri rivaled a pig's squeal at his term of endearment. Obanai flinched at the shrill sound, nearly falling off their bed, before giving a small smile. A bead of sweat rolled down from his forehead.
This woman. How he loved her. Her face was flushed and her hair held no resemblance to the neat bun from that morning.
He gripped the futon tighter in one hand and kept the other wrapped around her.
The night ended rather quickly to his embarrassment.
'Wow, making love sure is short, Obanai. I thought it'd have been longer.'
'Um, we can go longer next time, Mitsuri. I promise."
'Yay! Because I liked it!'
But they were both in a satisfied tangle of legs and arms at the end of the night.
Omake
The noises of a newlywed couple were very loud.
The hashira were kind enough to give them space after hearing the hurried panting and whimpering through the thin walls. The little girls had been roused to another side of the compound hurriedly with the excuse of needing them to do nighttime cleaning.
Many of the wedding guests were sitting out on the patio or fields. Enjoying what the night had to offer with its cool breeze.
Tomioka sat down awkwardly patting the grass, to busy his hands with something. It was a rare enough occasion for him to leave his hair down though he had worn his usual haori getup to the disappointment and judgment of the others (namely Kocho who had taken time to find him a fancy outfit.)
Zenitsu still whined about wanting to hear the rest to critique Obanai's technique.
"Real men know the combo: two thrusts, a lick, then a jab. Oof! Oof!" The blonde man punctuated his words with pelvic thrusts to whoever would listen. "Oof! Oof! Lick! Oof!"
Kamado buried his face in his hands, embarrassed. "Zenitsu, give it a rest." Rubbing his neck, he added. "Give them their privacy."
Undeterred Zenitsu turned to Inosuke who was stuffing a tempura chicken in his mouth.
"You know the way of men, right?"
Inosuke had been the first to refer to Iguro and Kanroji as "them in battle." He scratched himself and snorted.
"They fight for dominance! Someone fight me too!" He roared.
The others around rolled their eyes.
Gyomei rinsed himself with water in a purity rite. Cleansing the sensual sounds away from his mind and body though he was pleased for his fellow hashira.
Kocho strolled over to Tomioka, towering over him leisurely in his discomfort. "I'm surprised you even knew what was going on." She smiled impishly. "You didn't think they were sharpening their swords?"
Tomioka looked confused. "Kocho, they are obviously having sex. It's their wedding night after all."
"I know that." She deadpanned. "Be thankful all you've to be is skilled with a blade. Tsk tsk, cute face with no brain."
A moth set on his shoulder before flying away with its partner.
"Well, I'm glad love has found someone for however long," Kocho continued to muse, watching the pair of moths leave. Although her skin seemed sickly pale, she was in a good mood.
Tengen chugged down more of his wine from the wedding reception. His high alcohol tolerance meant he had basically drunk all of the allotted alcohol.
"I hope he remembered the moves I taught him," he laughed heartily, slapping the wooden patio he sat on. "May have been too flashy for him, but it aims to please."
Sanemi merely grunted eating his fill of leftover wedding food.
A particularly loud moan punctuated the courtyard.
"Hurt? Hurt? Are they hurt?" Nezuko asked her brother, worriedly.
Kamado pulled at his collar. A wave of awkwardness covered him.
"No, Nezuko. They're just communicating in a language that only they know."
Her head tilted in confusion. She had understood the wedding celebration with the laughing and the cheer, but not this part.
"Breathing?" she asked.
"Yeah, yeah!" Zenitsu remarked, suddenly appearing in front of the two. "A special type of breathing." He pelvic-thrusted the air. "Snake." Thrust. "Plus Love breathing!" Thrust. "Snake Love Breathing!"
Kamado cringed, giving a look of pity until Zenitsu settled down.
Inosuke barrel-rolled over to their spot on the patio. Nezuko kicked her feet in the air, still dressed in her cute wedding attire.
"Totoro, why are we friends?" Inosuke asked him, gesturing towards Zenitsu.
"You dumb boar!"
"Fight me!"
"Guys, stop!" Kamado, the voice of reason, said. He pushed in between his friends. "Tonight is a night for love, which as demon slayers we're in low supply of. Who knows how long those two have to be in love. How long their marriage can last with Muzan terrorizing everyone. Enough! Let them be!"
"Oh! The noises stopped," Tokito announced, taking his hands off his ears.
Kamado blinked.
The confirmation rumbled through the crowd and just as quickly dispersed. Everyone was happy to be able to sleep or work without awkward interruptions.
But they all knew.
For however long Iguro and Kanroji had, the couple would definitely need to get quarters further away from the corps.