"When were you gonna tell me?"
"Ah!" Amelia jumped as she tossed her scrub cap on the table, "Tell you what?"
"You and Owen," Derek raised his brow as he stood from the old yellow couch in the attendings' lounge, "You're getting married? Since when? When did you decide this?"
"Maggie," Amelia scoffed knowingly, "Of course she did. Of course she told you. We were in the OR and he was talking about buying a new house-"
"So you're moving in together?"
Amelia flailed her arms in frustration,"It was just a hypothetical conversation, Derek! That is it."
Derek clenched his jaw together, "So the kids, that was hypothetical too?"
"Jesus, does Maggie report everything to you?" Amelia angrily glared at him, "Since when do you get a say in what the hell I do with my life?"
Maggie and Derek were more similar than they had initially thought. They were both set in their ways and both saw the world in two different shades. There was right and there was wrong. Especially when it came to Amelia. It's why they butted heads often and why she ran to Derek whenever she thought Amelia was being too rash about anything.
Amelia loved her, but in this instance, she was ready to strangle her.
"I'm not telling you what to do, I am simply asking if-"
"Your wife practically told me to run into his arms after she made it clear she hated-"
"Amy, you're not thinking this through-"
"Of course you'd say that! Because you still think that I can't make decisions for myself and that you know everything," she yells.
"I'm just trying to understand and watch out-"
"You know what? You are not my dad!"
He froze for a second. The silence in the room was palpable after their shouting match. It reminded him of her teenage years when he'd drag her home after she snuck out. She'd push him and call him names but the words she'd just uttered had been a low blow. And one she had held on to for years.
Derek grabbed his coat from the couch and stuffed his arms in each sleeve,"You're right. I'm not Dad."
Amelia blinked as the weight of her words settled, "Derek-"
"No. You know what?" he stormed towards the door, "Do whatever you want. Forget I said anything."
The door slammed behind him.
Amelia sighed loudly. He wasn't her Dad. Derek was not her dad.
He had no right to say anything. No right to call into question her judgment when she hadn't even agreed to a marriage.
"So that's it?"
"What?"
"You left it at," Meredith scoffed as she stared at her husband who was lying on the bed facing the ceiling, "nothing. You left it at nothing."
"What was I supposed to say?" he sighed.
"That you'll support her. Derek, she's your sister-"
"And she made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want my opinion," he turned to her, "I don't get a say. It's not up to me to tell her-"
"You're the closest thing she has-"
"I'm not-" he closed his eyes in frustration, "I'm not our dad. It's not my job to give an opinion. I'm not her dad."
She watched as he rubbed his forehead.
"You're not her dad," she echoed, "You're Zola, Bailey, and Ellis' dad."
He pressed his lips together in a grim smile.
"You're her brother," Meredith reached for his hand and tangled her fingers with his, "For many years you were the only person she had. And you made promises to watch out for her. You were a kid trying to fill in your dad's shoes. And then you-"
"I left," he finished for her, "I ran from her."
"You did," she nodded, "But that's because you were too scared to lose her. When you're scared you're about to lose something you run."
"You listen too much to our shrink," he chuckled.
"That's the point isn't it?" She smirked before leaning in to kiss him, "Derek?"
"He left her to me," he shaked his head, "So did my mom. When he died I promised I'd watch out for my sisters. And when my mother couldn't I-"
The image of a five year old girl- a confused and distraught little girl flashed in his mind, "She's my responsibility and I've lost her before, I can't do it again. So I'm gonna keep my mouth shut and let her do whatever she wants."
"You're not losing your sister," Meredith assured him, "She's in love. She loves him and I think he loves her."
Derek's eyes flickered towards her, "You don't think they're rushing into this?"
"I have my own opinions but," she rolled her eyes, "Owen and Cristina are divorced. I promised I wouldn't let him get all dark and twisty and if that means loving Amelia then that's that."
"Hmm," he hummed in response.
"And if she really loves Owen, you have to be on board. Because if you're right about this- and I really don't want you to be and I know you don't either- she's going to need you."
"I don't want to be right."
"I know."
A phone chirped from his nightstand. He read the incoming message and released a scoff before showing it to her, "Tell me how she's not rushing into this again."
Two weeks. Everyone was given a two week notice that Amelia Shepherd and Owen Hunt would be married. It would be a small ceremony and by some strange miracle or act of fate, the pair had managed to find a church and reception hall on a weekend.
It had all been perfect. Almost perfect.
Until the morning of the wedding when Amelia realized that no one in the family would be flying in for what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life.
"Mom. Mom! Mother!" Amelia yelled into the phone, "I am sober!"
She paced down the bathroom floor as she clenched onto the cell phone tightly. Her hair was pinned into curlers. She should be doing her makeup now. She should be blissfully unaware and uncaring of the downpour outside.
This was her love day.
"We're getting married because we love each other! Because we didn't see a reason- So what if it has been off and on?"
A love day no love. At least not from the people who were biologically engineered to love her.
"If you don't come-" Amelia yelled again, "What does Derek think? Derek- Mommy please! I am getting married!"
Amelia swallowed the bitter pill.
"Fine," Amelia gritted into the phone, "It's good to know that all the good people in this family are dead!"
She hung up angrily and stared at the floor as she chewed on the edge of her thumb.
His father should be here. Her father should be the one walking her down the aisle. Her mother should be helping her with her hair and her sisters with her dress and make up.
Her brother…
Her brother should be threatening Owen that he should take care of his sister otherwise he'd stick a scalpel through his head. He should be preparing the best man's speech or something.
But her brother is upset. Her brother doesn't believe this wedding should take place and her brother is not here.
"Amelia are you-" Maggie ran into the bathroom and stopped in her tracks, "Amelia what's wrong?"
She sat on top of the toilet seat cover and sniffed, "No one is coming."
"Amelia-"
"Get out please," Amelia reached for the door and shut it closed.
She was alone. The black sheep of the family was alone once more. She's still the kid that's strung up on drugs. The kid that's lying to everyone and keeping it together as best as she can. The kid with no one she can trust and with no love.
This was supposed to be her love day.
Meredith ran up the stairs. The car is outside and she's supposed to deliver the bride at the church in less than an hour. Unless she can convince Derek to do it. Then, maybe she's off the hook and can stop at Grey Sloan to check in on her patient before she heads out herself.
Too bad the siblings are still on bitter terms.
"Derek's on his way with the kids-"
"No one is coming," Maggie said as she sat on the floor in front of the bathroom.
"What?" Meredith turned to the door, "What do you mean? Carolyn was supposed to take the red eye-"
"Apparently she didn't," Maggie shook her head, her curls bouncing slightly. "Didn't you say Derek-"
"He was supposed to" she answered defensively, "What about the sisters?"
"No one is coming," Maggie hissed, her eyes flashing with anger. "Amelia doesn't have anyone but us! It's her love day and she doesn't have her family here!"
Footsteps echoed up the stairwell. "Alright, flower girl delivery! Zozo is downstairs, but I don't think she should put on her dress until we're at the church." Derek appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing his suit but without his tie. He looked between his wife and sister-in-law, concern etched on his face. "What's wrong?"
He wore his suit without his tie and looked between his wife and sister-in-law, "What's wrong?"
"What the hell did you do?" Meredith snapped, nudging him angrily in the ribs.
"Ouch! What do you mean? I didn't do anything!" Derek protested, rubbing his side.
Maggie quickly stood and jabbed him on the opposite arm. "Your mother isn't coming, and it's all your fault!"
"Ouch!" he stared at Maggie, "My fault? Why the hell- wait, my mom's not coming? What about my sisters?"
"You didn't know? Maggie asked before she glanced at Meredith.
"Derek," Meredith sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly,"No one from your family is coming to the wedding"
Derek exhaled, "Where is she?"
"She locked herself in the bathroom," Meredith answered, nodding toward the closed door, "You have to talk to her."
"And say what? She doesn't want me to say anything about this. She made it very clear-" he sighed, "I'll talk to her. But you gotta go is, uh, this might take a while."
Meredith and Maggie exchanged worried glances, but they nodded in agreement. Meredith touched Derek's arm gently. "Okay. We'll be downstairs if you need us."
Derek watched them leave before turning back to the bathroom door. The house around him felt too quiet, the bustling wedding preparations seeming a world away. He knocked gently, his voice soft but firm. "Amy? It's me."
No response.
"Amy! Open up!"
"Go away Derek. Don't come in here to try to save the day."
"I'm not trying," he exhaled heavily, "Amy open the door. I need to know you're okay."
Amelia remained silent, her silence more deafening than words.
"Amy?"
Suddenly, the door swung open. Amelia stood there, her eyes red and puffy from crying, her makeup smudged. "Oh, now you care? Now you want to make sure I'm okay after telling me that I was—"
"I didn't mean-," Derek interrupted, shaking his head, "Amy, I was just trying to watch out for you. I didn't mean to hurt-"
"Of course you didn't, you never do," she rolled her eyes as she pushed past him into the hallway, "Did you know that no one is coming? Nancy, Liz, Kate. They said no. And mom also said no. The whole Shepherd clan has decided to turn their backs on the black sheep of the family again!"
Derek stood quietly, listening, his heart aching for her.
"Everyone always thinks I'm being impulsive and I'm just rushing into things," Amelia muttered, her voice breaking, "No one ever thinks that I'm just trying to-"
"Amy-"
"I'm getting married," she couldn't help her voice choking with tears,"I am getting married and I have no one on my side!"
"I'm here-"
"No you're not!" she shouts, "You assumed before I had even made a choice and you decided that I was rushing into things without even listening to me-"
"I know I messed-"
"How many times do I have to prove to you that I am fine! I may have been a junkie. I may have crashed your mustang and disappointed you all my life but I am not a black sheep anymore and you need to stop looking at me that way!"
"I know you're not, I'm sorry," he nods as he stuffs his hands into his pocket, "But I am here, Amy. I'm here."
She clenched her hands into fists before choking back a sob.
"Mom. Is not. Coming." she whispers, "My sisters are not coming."
Derek pressed his lips together, his jaw tight with frustration. Nothing he could say would help.
"It's raining," she continues, "And no one is coming."
Derek pressed his lips together, his jaw tight with frustration. Nothing he could say would help.
"I shouldn't marry Owen," Amelia shrugs, "I should just call it off before it-"
"That's what you want?"
"What?"
"You want to run? You want to call it all off after all of this?"
"Didn't you notice? I've been shouting at you this whole time. It's raining and no one is coming!" she blinks, "You can't offer me anything more!"
"I can offer you an out," he shrugs.
"What?"
"I can offer you an out," he swallowed a lump in his throat, "But if you love Owen and you want to marry him, I will not question your judgment because you've been through enough and I promised I wouldn't big brother you but I did. And I was wrong so instead I'll drag you down the aisle."
Amelia stood in shock, her breath hitching.
"What do you want to do Amy?" He asked, "Do you want me to make sure you make it to this church on time or do you want me to drive you as far away as possible? I'll do whatever you want to do, just tell me what you want to do, and we will do it with no questions. You are not alone."
She stared at him, the offer hanging heavy in the air, a lifeline he had never extended before.
"I'm not gonna leave you alone, Amy," he affirmed, his voice steady, "I'm right here."
She pondered her options, her mind racing, before blinking at him, her voice trembling, "I want to run."
In less than a second, they were sprinting down the stairs. Amelia's hair was still in rollers, bouncing with each hurried step. Derek's face was set in determination, his steps quick and urgent.
"Wha-what's happening? Where are you going?" Maggie yells from the kitchen.
"No time to explain!" Derek shouts back without looking at her.
He opens the front door for Amelia before Meredith ran towards them and grabbed his shoulder, "What the hell are you doing?"
"Take her dress to the church," Derek said quickly, his voice urgent. "I'll call you when I find out what she wants to do."
"It's pouring out there! You can't-" Meredith yelled at the door, "She needs to be at the church in an hour!"
"You still like chocolate?"
Derek stood over the parlor looking at the various flavors. Amelia, pulling the rollers from her hair, noticed the curious glances from the patrons around them. She felt a flush of embarrassment but continued to yank the rollers out one by one until the ringlets framed her face.
"Um, yeah," she nodded before she turned to an empty table and sat down.
He turned to her and watched as she removed the last roller and tossed it on the table.
"Here," he offered her the small cup, "I had them add sprinkles. You used to say you wanted rainbows on your ice cream when we were kids-"
Amelia took the cup, staring at the colorful sprinkles with a distant look. "What the hell am I doing?" she muttered, more to herself than to him.
He leaned against the wall, "Eating ice cream"
"No! Why am I doing this? You let me do this. You let me-why would you let me run!"
"I-I didn't tell you to run. I told you I would make sure you got to the church on time or I would drive the car. You chose the latter."
She bit the edge of her thumb, her eyes fixed on the untouched ice cream in front of her. "I'm not your kid."
"I'm aware. My kids are much cuter."
"You brought me to get ice-cream. You bring the kids every Saturday-"
"Dad used to take us every Saturday before he died," he muttered as he picks at the coffee ice cream in his hand, "He used to order coffee for himself. I hated it as a kid but now it's my favorite."
"He'd always get me sprinkles. He never forgot the sprinkles," a sudden realization of why he held up certain traditions with his kids hit her.
"No he did not."
"Neither did you," Amelia looked at him.
"You wouldn't eat it if I did," he smiled.
She took the ice cream cup in her hand and took a spoonful, "Am I making a mistake? Am I being impulsive? Is Mom right?"
He shrugged.
"Is Owen just a new drug? Am I just using him to pretend that-"
He looked up, "What? Pretend what?"
"Am I just pretending that I'm healthy and he's just filler after Ryan?"
Derek sighed as he shook his head.
"He's had the love of his life and so have I, right? Is this all fake? Is it- is it- is it all going to crash and burn? Should I just run while I can?"
"I thought Addison was the love of my life," he muttered, "And then that ended because we got busy, I was distant, and she slept with Mark. But there was a time when I thought she was the love of my life. I loved her. I did. And I'm sure she once thought the same about me."
"But it didn't work out. It just, wasn't supposed to be," he continued, "And I left New York and-"
"And you met Meredith," Amelia whispered, "She's the love of your life."
He nodded with a smile, "Yeah. She really is."
"Maybe you and Owen were supposed to go through what you did to find each other. Meredith didn't believe in any of this. I was shattered after Addie and we found each other," he smiles.
"We get one life Amy," he stared ahead, "We fall, we rise, we make choices, we make mistakes and we fall in love. We can't help who we fall in love with or when we fall in love. So this? This might be it. Or it may not. But this is now and if you love him now? Why not risk it and let yourself believe?"
"This life has handed you a crappy hand to deal with and you are still here. You have earned the right to doubt for a minute and to chase your happy ending."
"If he makes you happy, let yourself be happy. Who cares what mom or our sis ters think," he shrugs, "Who cares what I think!"
"Mom," Amelia answered, "Mom cares what you think-"
"Apparently not," he shrugged again, a hint of bitterness in his tone.
"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice tinged with concern.
"I talked to her last night," he looked up at her, his expression serious. "She called and asked if this was you being impulsive or if this was the real thing."
"Derek, what did you—what did you do?"
"I told her the truth. I told her you knew what you were doing. I told her you didn't need me anymore. You haven't needed me in years. And I asked her to come."
Amelia studied him.
"And then Kathleen yelled over the phone something about me always overprotecting you and something about me and a savior complex and a bunch of other crap," Derek continued as he rolled his eyes, "The woman likes to diagnose everyone with a personality disorder except herself."
Amelia couldn't help the slight chuckle that escaped her before she fell silent again. She's the black sheep. He's the golden child. And yet they're both sitting here living with the same pain.
"You're not Dad."
He sighed, "I know. You said that-"
"No, I mean," she swallowed, "you're not my dad. You're my brother."
"I have given you so much crap for being a crappy brother- and you have, sometimes you have-"
"I get it. Thanks."
"But you," Amelia sighed, "You were also trying to stay afloat when you were drowning. And you were just a kid."
He looks down into his cup.
"You stepped up for our sisters and I. And for Mom. And I- I forget that sometimes," Amelia continued, "It must have been hard to try fill in what dad left."
Carolyn Shepherd was a good mother. She made sure her children knew they were loved every night. She made sure there was food on the table. She made sure they went to school and got good grades. And by some miracle, her five children all became doctors.
On the outside, it had been perfect. But within each one of her children, there was pain. And Amelia and Derek had suffered the brunt of it. He'd found a way to run from it and thrive. She tried to find answers and fell into ditches. But she always found a way to pull herself right out.
"I'm your big brother," he swallowed a lump of guilt in throat, "I didn't always do a very good job at it but it's my job to take care of you."
He walked her to school. He patched up her scrapes. He taught her to ride her bike. He kept her alive for three agonizing minutes after she stole his prescription pad and he found her lifeless. He pushed and pulled. And he had many regrets about that.
He tried.
"You were a kid," Amelia sniffed, her voice barely above a whisper, "We were both kids. You didn't need to be the adult."
"We should've talked about it more," he nods, his voice tinged with regret, "About Dad. I should've talked about him and what happened that day more. With you."
She waited for answers. She asked questions but there was no room for them. There was only room to keep going. Keep going and numb the pain.
They eat in silence the clinking of their spoons against the cups the only sound between them. The bell of the parlor rings as a trio of children walk in excitedly.
Amelia watches them. They're happy and excited. Cheerful and joyous. Their world hasn't collapsed and that's exactly how it should have been for the Shepherds.
"Derek?" Amelia whispered softly.
Derek looked up from his ice cream.
"Can you walk me down the aisle?"
For a two week window, Amelia and Owen had done a hell of a job of planning out their wedding. He walks past the dancing couples before his eyes landed on the recently wedded couple.
She showed up two hours late for her ceremony and Owen asked zero questions. There was no hesitation, no doubt. And when his sister let go of his arm to take the hand of her beloved, he saw the years of pain heal.
"Last chance," Derek whispered, "You're good, right. I'm getting you down this aisle?"
Amelia rolled her eyes as she hooked her left arm around his, "Did you ask Nancy, Kate, and Liz the same thing?"
"Every time," he smirked as he watched his sister laugh.
"I'll be fine," she reassured him, "I'm ready."
"I know you are," he whispered back.
Amelia gripped his arm tightly, "Wait!"
"What?"
"Single malt scotch please," he places a few bills inside the jar and exhaled loudly as he waited for his drink.
"Okay how much do you hate me right now?" Meredith suddenly appears next to him and smirks. Her hair slightly disheveled and her green eyes sparkling against her violet dress.
"Why would I hate you?" Derek asks, turning to her, the noise of the celebration behind them.
"Because your sister got a big wedding, and I gave you a post-it?" she teases, her eyes glinting with playful challenge.
The bartender placed his scotch on the bar. Derek reaches for it and shakes his head. He turns back to her and can't resist leaning in for a quick kiss, "I love our post-it."
"Admit it," Meredith giggles as she leans against the polished wood of the bar. "You would've loved a big party."
"It's fine," he smirks, "One day one of our kids is going to force us into one anyway."
Meredith laughs, leaning into him. "I'm holding you to that."
"Oh whatever. You hate weddings." Derek smiles, looking around at the joyful celebration. The laughter of children playing nearby, the clinking of glasses, and the soft murmur of conversations blended into a beautiful symphony. He finishes his drink and offers his left hand, "Want to dance?"
Meredith chuckled, her eyes sparkling. "You don't dance in public."
"You didn't give me a big wedding, you gotta give me a dance."
"Oh," she grinned, slipping her hand into his, "Payback. Smooth."
"I thought so," he chuckles, guiding her to the dance floor.
They moved together, swaying gently to the music. Derek's hand rested on the small of Meredith's back, pulling her closer. Her hand wanders to the nape of his neck and for just a few seconds, no one else exists.
"What happened today?" Meredith whispers, her breath warm against his ear.
"Hmm?" Derek asks, his voice low and soothing.
"Amy—Amelia. Why did she run?"
"Oh, she gets scared," he shrugs, his gaze drifting to the side as he searches for the right words. "She's been through so much, it scares her when something good finally happens. It's like she's bracing for the other shoe to drop."
"Oh," Meredith murmured, her fingers gently massaging the back of his neck.
"Kind of reminds me of someone," he smirks, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief.
She shakes her head, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Uh-huh," he raises an eyebrow, "You sure about that?"
"Fine," Meredith sighs, her nose crinkling in amusement, "She's me. Amelia is me before you. I was Amelia."
He chuckles as his eyes catch Amelia happily dancing with her husband.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, it's just," he sighs, "She said something and it left me thinking."
"What are you thinking?" Meredith asked, her voice soft, her fingers stilling as she looked up at him.
"I'm thinking about how my dad would've been happy to be here."
Their eyes find each other and she offers a brief smile. It's rare when he mentions him. She's heard him share a few stories with Zo and Bails but the Shepherd patriarch has always remained a painful mystery to him.
So she does the only thing she can think of and presses her lips against his. A lot is said in silence.
"I get it now," Meredith whispers as she pulls away.
"What?" he turned to her, "What do you get? That I have two left feet? I told you that when I first took you to the trailer-"
"No not that," Meredith laughed, "It's just, I always say Cristina is my person. and I always thought Mark was your person but he-."
"What?" He furrowed his brow.
Meredith shakes her head, "Amelia is your person."
He blinks.
"She gets things about you that sometimes I don't," she shrugs, "Sometimes she just knows more than I do and doesn't have to say anything, she just gets it."
He knew what she meant. The twisted sisters had a language all of their own. They knew things about each other without needing to say a word. They understood each other even when they were fighting with one another. And they needed each other even if they were half a world away from each other.
Derek watches Amelia twirling in the distance with Owen.
"It's not a bad thing," Meredith whispers, "I get it. I didn't get it before because I'm terrible with sisters but I get you and Amy need each other."
He smiles before leaning in to kiss her again.
They don't notice Amelia watching them from a distance, "How do they do that?"
Owen follows her gaze to where Derek and Meredith seem lost in their own world, oblivious to the bustling celebration around them, "What? How do they do what?"
They sway to the soft music together as Amelia rolls her eyes, "They do this thing where they tune everybody out and, listen, I lived with them. I did my time in their stupid dream house and I had to see that almost every day. They've been together forever and they still go away to their own world."
"Yeah, well, they've been through a lot."
"They're gross," Amelia shakes her head, "You didn't live with them. I heard the noises and trust me it was gross."
Owen laughs softly, wrapping his arms around Amelia. "I like to think you and I do that too. Go away into our own world, I mean. "
Amelia smiles warmly, pressing herself closer to him. "Maybe we do," she agrees.
Owen's smile fades slightly as he adds, "You worry about him.
Owen laughs. Amelia smiles at him before pressing herself closer to him. Owen sighs, "You worry about him."
Amelia pulls back, "What?"
"Derek. You worry about him," he smiles, "It's nice."
Owen has his own skeletons in the closet that Amelia has just discovered. A lost sister and a lot of resentment. Seeing his now wife mend a fractured relationship is nice. Even if Derek doesn't fully approve. He knows he's just worried and watching out for his kid sister.
Amelia gazes back across the room.
Amelia gripped Derek's arm tightly, "Wait!"
"What?"
"This," Amelia swallowed a lump in her throat, "This isn't me running right? I'm not just running away from my problems and straight into Owen?
"From one runner to another," Derek's eyes soften as his face crinkles with a wide grin, "You are not running away from anything. You're just making it to the finish line and straight into your happy ending."
Amelia glanced to the end of the aisle. A wave of relief washes over her and she grips her brother's arm tightly.
"You look beautiful," he nods, "Dad would be proud."
"He's gonna be fine," Amelia wraps her arm around her husband and glances one last time at her brother, "We both made it to the finish line."
A/N:
See I never meant to start writing about the Shepherd's but...it's all /TiniestShepherd's fault on twitter! It's all her fault!
Kidding. Sort of. I love LOVE the Shepherds and have a lot of head canons and ideas about them. They're so complicated and rich in storytelling that it frustrates me that we never got to see it play out. I also like to think that they would've fought over the wedding but Derek would've still walked her down the aisle. The Shepherd siblings need each other. They get each other.
I have a mini Merder fic idea but I'm still outlining it. I'm also starting a new program soon and will be limited on time. Don't be surprised if you see a sudden burst of one-shots! or if I just disappear. Either or.
Please review and let me know what you think! Should I write more Shepherd sibling goodness?