Being an outpatient procedure and showing no complications afterward, after an hour Addison had already changed and recovered enough to go home.
However, returning home without Derek, and having to spend the night alone there without him, wasn't in her plans. She refused to do so.
She went to the cleaning room, where some of her belongings had been left that afternoon, and grabbed her cell phone. It was ten o'clock at night and she had several missed calls from Mark. He was probably worried, and Olive would want to know about her parents. She sent him a text message telling him to meet her in the intensive care waiting room, to bring the girls with him. She needed to see them as soon as possible before sadness consumed her completely.
As she walked to the meeting point, she couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened in less than 24 hours. How can you start a day with so much happiness and end it with so much sadness? How can dreams vanish before your eyes in a matter of seconds?
That same morning she had woken up, excited to tell her husband about their baby on the way and now there was no baby. Just when she had started to become attached to it, she had to say goodbye. How was she supposed to move on now? How would she pretend to be okay when she felt like a thousand knives were stabbing her heart?
She wanted to be grateful, she didn't want to feel bad about it when her husband nearly died. When so many innocent people died violently that day. Life was being quite generous by allowing her to continue this earthly journey with him, but...
The scene she had witnessed in the afternoon kept unfolding in her mind, full of details that seemed to be burned into her memory. The deafening sound of the gunshot. Amelia's muffled screams. Derek's labored breaths as he bled out in the hallway. The sound of the alarms in the operating room. The anguished and desperate faces of her colleagues struggling to save Derek. The unmistakable and pungent aroma of chemicals in the air, mixed with the metallic smell of blood.
But what stood out most in her mind was the image of Derek, pale and fragile, his body inert on the gurney, surrounded by his coworkers. The feeling that time had stood still at that moment, as she clung to the desperate hope that everything would be okay.
And everything was okay, but...
How was it possible that Derek almost died in front of her eyes?
How was it possible that his heart stopped? He had promised her that it would beat forever in perfect harmony with hers.
How was it that this promise was on the verge of breaking? How was it that their love wouldn't be eternal? How was it that forever didn't exist?
As a surgeon, she was used to entering an OR and dealing with the finitude of life all the time. Her daily mission was to face and fight death. To gain more time, to save lives by trying to cheat death, which would inevitably come at some point. The phrase "saving lives" wasn't entirely true, she –and all her colleagues– didn't save lives, they simply prolonged them in this world.
She knew well that the cycle of life had its whims, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. She couldn't believe that it really worked like that. One moment you're here, the next you're not... you just vanish.
You vanish and... where do you go next?
"Mommy!" exclaimed Olive, letting go of Mark's hand and running into her mother's arms with a mix of relief and overflowing joy.
Addison turned around, surprised to hear her voice. She crouched down on the floor, at her little daughter's height, and enveloped her in a hug full of love and tenderness.
"Ollie..." she whispered, holding back the tears that threatened to escape from her eyes. She wanted to be strong, but when she saw her daughter's face, all her determination faded.
"I missed you so much, Mom!"
With a trembling hand, Addison gently caressed her daughter's face, admiring those blue eyes that exuded concern and love. The eyes that had always moved her from the very moment she saw them when Olive came into the world.
"I missed you too, my love. I was so afraid for you..." she responded, trying to keep her voice steady despite the emotion that made her tremble.
"And I was afraid for you! I was scared that you had died!" sobbed Olive, breaking into tears as she hugged her mother even tighter.
Olive's face was lost in her red hair as Addison hugged her daughter, wishing she was close enough to protect her from any danger. The love she felt for her little one, the need to take care of her and for them to take care of each other, was overwhelming. She still had a lot of hormones roaming through her body, making the tears start to fall down her cheeks as she watched her daughter cry.
Mark, who was walking with Arleth in his arms, approached Addison and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. He wanted her to know that she was not alone, that he shared that same feeling of love and relief. That gesture was enough for her to feel supported and accompanied.
Addison looked up to meet the warm eyes of the little beauty he held in his arms. An even bigger smile spread across her face. Baby Arleth returned the smile, innocent and toothless, a smile that filled her heart and brightened every one of her days since she had held her in her arms for the first time.
"Arley... come to Mommy, my baby," Addison whispered with love, as Mark carefully placed her in her arms.
She felt her heart was going to burst with excitement at having her two little ones so close. Arleth emanated total warmth, her tiny body clung to her with tenderness. And Olive, still holding onto her, showed no signs of letting go anytime soon.
"Mom's here... I'm here and we won't be separated anymore..." she reassured them with a sweet and gentle voice.
~•~
"Ryan, I need you to come for me..." Amelia whispered into her cellphone, voice message, using whatever strength she had left. "I'm in the hospital parking lot and... you might have already heard what happened on the news. I received your messages, I didn't have time to reply and... damn it, I don't wanna give you explanations, I... I just wanna you to come for me... Can you come for me? I need you...
After waiting for what felt like an eternity, Ryan's motorcycle appeared in the parking lot, bringing a smile of relief to Amelia's face. It might have been the first time she smiled all day.
"Hey..." he said gently.
"Get me out of here."
"Okay. Where do you want to go? The usual bar? My apartment?"
"Let's go to your apartment. Tell me you have something strong there. Pills, cigarettes, injections... I need to disconnect from reality."
"Impossible. I don't have anything, I'm empty. I had a party on Tuesday and I ran out of everything."
"Okay... that's not a problem. You're lucky to have a neurosurgeon girlfriend, I... I'll go get my prescription pad from my office. I'll be right back..."
Amelia went back into the hospital, and as she walked, she hid her face with the hood of her jacket, trying not to run into any colleagues she knew. She walked up to the second floor, took her prescription pad from her desk, put it in her pocket, and left. It wasn't suspicious at all; if someone asked, she could say she was on duty, right? Hospitals operate 24 hours a day, and she was an on-call doctor.
As she approached the entrance hall, thinking that her mission had been successful since she didn't run into anyone, she saw Mark. He was carrying Olive, sleeping with her head resting on his shoulder and a stroller where Arleth was probably seated. He had offered to take care of them and take them home after greeting Addison.
Amelia quickly turned her head, avoiding eye contact with Mark. She knew that if he saw her, he would ask where she was going. She didn't feel like giving explanations that day. She just wanted to escape, go far away, and disappear for a while. But Mark saw her anyway and approached her.
"Do you want me to take you, Amelia? I'll take the girls home..."
"Oh, Mark... um... no... don't worry. I don't want to bother you."
"Let's go. I'm going there anyway, it's no bother..."
"I'm going out with my boyfriend."
"Oh, okay. I thought you wanted to take care of your goddaughter since her parents won't be going home with her, but..." he said in a passive-aggressive tone.
"Mark, come on. I take care of her every day. You do it today. I need to go out and distract myself a little, I've been through too much today."
"We have all been through too much today. Don't be selfish and don't do anything stupid. Derek needs you to be okay."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Take care of yourself."
With those last words, Mark walked away with the girls through the main entrance. Amelia sighed loudly and walked to the parking lot, where Ryan was waiting for her impatiently.
"You took forever."
"I know, there were a lot of people at the hospital... I have the prescription pad, let's go."
Amelia settled in behind Ryan, who nodded and revved up the motorcycle. The engine roared like a beast set free, as the wheels spun rapidly, pushing the vehicle to greater and greater speeds. The wind hit her face with an almost intoxicating force, tousling her hair and making her feel alive.
Adrenaline flowed through her veins as the bike glided swiftly along the road. Amelia held on tightly to Ryan's waist, feeling his power and skill in handling the machine. The rain began to fall gently, like tiny tears from the sky, but that didn't stop them.
The landscape passed by in a blur of colors and shapes, merging with the sound of the engines. The buildings of Seattle became increasingly blurry, their lights appearing only as luminous lines.
Amelia closed her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to be carried away by the addictive sensation of speed. She could hear her heart beating wildly in her chest, each beat a small reminder that she was alive, that this moment was hers to enjoy. She needed it; throughout the entire journey, she forgot completely that her brother had nearly been killed before her eyes.
"What should I buy?" Ryan asked once he stopped in front of the pharmacy.
"Oxycodone 80 mg," Amelia took out her prescription pad, grabbed a pen, and, leaning against his back, wrote the prescription. "Do you have something to drink at your apartment?"
"There should be some beer cans.
"Okay. Here," she said, handing him the paper.
Ryan nodded, got off the motorcycle, and went to buy.
~•~
The next morning, Derek slowly opened his eyes, feeling disoriented and confused. The last thing he remembered clearly was walking hurriedly down one of the hallways on the third floor of the hospital, on his way to meet with the SWAT chief. He was worried about his daughters and his wife; there was a shooter in the hospital, and he had already been informed of several murders on the first and second floors.
His thoughts were abruptly interrupted when he came face to face with Gary Clark, the widower who had been causing trouble with the lawsuit against his hospital. The man was armed with a look of hatred in his eyes. Derek vaguely remembered exchanging some words with him, desperately pleading with him not to shoot.
But then everything became blurry and confusing in his mind. A flash of light and the deafening sound of a gunshot echoed in his ears. What had happened after that? Had he seen anyone else? He struggled to remember, but the images were fleeting and fragmented in his memory. He wondered if he had seen Addison or Amelia at that moment, or if it was all just a delusion from his confusion.
Still feeling confused, Derek realized that he was in a hospital bed. His eyes roamed the room, recognizing the distinctive transparent curtains separating the beds. He was in the Intensive Care Unit of Seattle Grace Mercy West. The familiarity of the environment only increased his bewilderment. How had he ended up there? And most importantly, what had happened?
He observed his own body, aware of the various medical connections present. A drip was connected to his left arm, providing him with medication and the nutrients he needed for his recovery. However, what caught his attention the most was the large bandage covering his chest, running across his entire thoracic cavity. He could feel the pain and discomfort emanating from that area, while a dozen electrodes attached to his skin monitored his heart rate. What had happened to require such intensive treatments?
Derek tried to piece together the fragments of his memories, seeking answers to understand his current situation. He remembered the fear and anguish he had felt when facing Gary Clark, a man whose hatred and desire for revenge seemed uncontrollable. He had fervently begged for his life, pleading for his chance to continue living and loving his family. But at some point, everything had turned dark and confusing.
Derek's disorientation was palpable. He tried to sort out his thoughts, to reconstruct the fragmented memories that haunted him. How had he ended up in this state? The fact that he was in the ICU indicated the seriousness of his situation. He had suffered a wound serious enough to require urgent medical attention, but what exactly had happened?
"Oh, Dr. Shepherd. Hi," said Teddy Altman, approaching gently when she saw he had woken up.
"What happened?" he asked, his voice dry. He could barely speak.
"You received a gunshot wound to the chest. You underwent cardiothoracic surgery, and you're in the ICU, in recovery. How do you feel?
"Where...? Where's Addison? And my... my daughters?" he asked nervously, not seeing them there.
"Calm down, don't get agitated. Your blood pressure can't rise, your heart is delicate. They're fine."
"Did he... did he shoot them...?"
"No. They're very well, and eager to see you. I'm going to examine you quickly and ask you some questions to see how your condition is progressing, and after that, I'll let them know that you've woken up.
Derek nodded. He felt too weak to object. As much as he wanted to run to his daughters and Addison, he waited for Teddy to give the go-ahead.
~•~
"Do you know anything about Derek?" Mark asked as they had breakfast in the hospital cafeteria. The girls were in the hospital nursery.
"Still nothing... as soon as Altman has news, she'll let me know," she said, taking a sip of her black coffee.
"You look pale, Addie."
She simply nodded. She was tired and without energy, having not been able to rest at all after everything that had happened the day before. Her body and soul hurt, but she needed to stay vigilant in case Derek woke up.
"Don't you want to go home and take a hot shower?"
"I'm fine."
"Go, I can stay with the girls if they need something."
"No, Mark. You did enough for me to take care of them all day yesterday. I really appreciate it. It was a very noble act on your part."
"Hey, no need to thank me. You know I adore them, I'd take care of them at any moment."
"Thank you..."
"And Amelia? Do you know anything about her? Did she go see Derek?"
"I don't know. I thought she'd stay here to wait for him to wake up, but I think she left. I don't know if she spent the night here or went home," she said with a confused expression.
"No, she didn't stay here. I saw her leave last night when I was with the girls. Supposedly she was going to see her boyfriend."
"Maybe she's at his place... I don't know. Yesterday was very traumatic for everyone and... God, it's been more than 14 hours since the surgery ended and he still hasn't woken up. Should I be worried about it? He should've woken up..."
"Addie, the recovery and coming out of anesthesia process can take several hours or even longer in some cases. Remember that each patient is unique..."
"I know... it's just that I'm worried. I start to think of all the possible permanent damage that may have been left. His heart was stopped for 10 minutes... there could be neurological damage, a stroke... disturbances in cardiac function... renal damage, hepatic damage... cardiac rhythm disorders... respiratory difficulties... damage to other organs..."
"Addison, stop listing all the potential consequences. Derek will be fine. You have to give him time and trust in..."
Addison's phone started ringing, interrupting Mark. The screen showed Teddy's number. She hurried to answer it.
"What happened?!" she asked nervously. She had a mix of fear and anxiety.
"Derek woke up and he's asking for you."
~•~
Addison quickly drank the last sip of coffee from her cup and hurriedly walked down the long hospital corridor.
Her heart was pounding, her head was filled with confused thoughts, and her eyes were filled with tears. As she approached the ICU room, her anxiety became unbearable. She knew that behind those doors was her husband, waiting for her. He had woken up and asked for her.
She finally reached her destination. The air was filled with fear and desperation. The chilling hallway hug faded away as she crossed the door. There, amidst cables and fluorescent lights, Derek was lying in a hospital bed surrounded by machines and tubes. He looked at her with a warm smile and eyes filled with love, as he always did.
"Derek!"
"Hi, Addie."
"Derek, you're really awake!"
"I told you I wasn't going to leave you," he joked with a small smile.
Without hesitation, Addison quickly approached her husband. She sat by his side on the bed, carefully wrapped her arms around him, and their bodies merged into a desperate embrace.
"Derek, I... was so afraid for you..."
"I know."
"I thought I had lost you! I thought that..."
Tears began to fall from Addison's eyes as she let out a deep, painful groan. It was as if all the anguish and fear she had been accumulating had overflowed in that moment. Derek, weakened though he was, tried to console her. With a faint but firm voice, he whispered comforting words in her ear.
"I'm fine, Addie. All the bad things are over. We are together again, and everything will be okay," he said tenderly, stroking her back gently.
However, Addison couldn't control her heart-wrenching sobbing. The pain was too intense. The fear of losing her husband, of her life slipping away from her, still completely overwhelmed her. She couldn't stop her tears and sobs, which mixed with Derek's words.
"Be calm, I'm fine. I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere."
Derek tightened the embrace, trying to convey security and calm to her. Although his body was weak and sore, his love for her wanted to protect her.
But Addison's sobs did not diminish. Derek didn't know it, but behind her inconsolable crying, there was something more. She was not only crying for him but also for the miscarriage she had had the previous night, a secret only she and Amelia knew.
She cried for the little light that had quickly stolen a piece of her heart and, with the same speed, had gone from her life. Leaving her with overwhelming darkness, loaded with inexplicable sadness.
She felt guilty for hiding this from her husband. But how would she tell him? If he was barely waking up from a complex surgery, the last thing he needed now was a new anguish. She had to swallow all that pain herself, even though she felt like it was slipping away from her body.
Derek leaned in and gently kissed Addison on the forehead. He couldn't bear to see her suffer like this.
"I love you, Addie... I'm sorry for making you go through this. I love you," he whispered.
Addison clung to Derek even tighter, feeling in his love a glimmer of hope in the storm she was experiencing.
In that intensive care room, they embraced each other without letting go for long minutes, finding comfort in each other's arms, sharing their pain and love. Grateful for this new opportunity life had given them to be together.
They were together again. And that was all that mattered.