August 3
6 Months, 0 Weeks, 5 Days
Size: Eggplant
LUKE POV
I'm busy in the garage, skimming through a packet of directions, when one car door slams shut only to be echoed by another. Curious, I glance up and out the open garage door only to be greeted by the sight of Anna and April speed walking up the driveway. It's not hard to see how worry and anxiety are trailing the two of them like hounds on scent.
Something's wrong.
Considering April's been at Science Camp and only returned late last night, I have yet to go through the less than thrilling task of catching Anna up on the news of Lorelai moving in with me. And perhaps, even worse, I haven't even begun to hatch a plan on how to bring Lorelai and April together. Truthfully, the idea of attempting to fix the biggest mistake I've made in my entire life, is paralyzing.
You don't have to say it. I already know.
I'm an idiot.
All I know is that whatever's wrong, can't have anything to do with Lorelai moving in with me - Anna knows nothing about it.
Yet.
"Anna? April?" I drop my pencil to meet the two of them in the dusk filled driveway. "What's wrong?"
"Grandma fell."
I frown, my stomach dropping at the news.
"It's bad, Luke," Anna adds on to April's explanation. "She's in the hospital in New Mexico and they're talking about sending her to a nursing home, which my mom has very clearly expressed she does not want. There was only one airplane ticket out of Hartford tonight and I need to get out there as soon as possible."
"Oh, Anna, I'm so sorry."
"Thanks." She nods once, all business. "I need you to keep April. Is that okay? Can you do that? I'm not sure how long it will be or if I'll need you to fly her out to me or-"
"It's okay," I pull my daughter into a warm side hug. "April can stay with me however long you need. It's no problem. I'm so sorry, Anna, being this far away must be really hard on you."
"You have no idea," She sighs, clearly overcome. "April packed a bag so she should be fine for a while. If she needs anything else or wants her bike or forgot something, she has a key. Feel free to take her over. She doesn't take any medications, but I will call her doctor and optometrist to make sure you're on the approved lists. I'll email you a list of all her doctors and her schedul-"
"Mom, I'll be fine," April cuts in. "Go or you'll miss your plane. Give grandma a big hug for me."
Anna frowns, before placing a kiss on the side of April's head. "You're right. Everything's going to be okay. Be good, okay? Don't stay up too late reading."
"I won't," April says before pulling away and pushing her mother toward the car as we follow. "Now go! I'll be fine with Dad."
My attention snags the moment I notice the warm glow emanating from a window of my house. Behind the window, a TV flickers, and muffled, happy voices vibrate through the air, reminding me of the two women curled up together on the couch.
I come to a stop, panicking, the cicadas singing out a perfect doomsday symphony soundtrack for this moment.
"Hey, April, why don't you go get your bag from the car and wait for me before going in the house, okay?" I rub the back of my neck nervously. "I have something I need to talk to your mom about."
"Okay, sure" She shrugs unbothered as she continues for the car.
We watch April together until she's far enough away to not overhear us.
"What's up, Luke?" Anna asks curiously, her blue eyes sharp.
"Yeah, listen," Sensing I have something sensitive to share with her, Anna steps closer to me, her arms crossing over her chest. "I'm guessing April's told you about the twins?"
She does nothing to hide how she feels about the news. She nods her head once and crosses her arms over her chest. "Yes, I've heard."
Just do it! Just rip off that band-aid. You can't avoid this forever.
"Well, Lorelai's a high risk pregnancy, and the doctor has advised that she not live alone. For a while she had something set up, but that fell through. So . . ." Her eyes narrow and darken as she begins to put two and two together. "She's staying here with me."
"You're kidding me," she laughs sardonically, clearly annoyed by the news. "I can't believe we're still dealing with this!"
"Excuse me?"
"Luke, are you serious? I don't have time for this!"
"Well then fine, go!" I throw out an exasperated hand toward her car. "I was just trying to be straightforward with you!"
"That's not what I mean. I mean one minute you're with Lorelai and the next you're not, and now you are? That's not stable, Luke. April needs stability."
"Anna, Lorelai and I are not together right now, but she's a permanent part of my life. You not liking that isn't going to change that fact."
"Maybe not, but I don't want her to be around April. I don't know her and despite you sending your pretty little girlfriend to my store after April's birthday to try to convince me she's not a problem, I still don't know that to be true."
My pretty little… what the actual hell?!
"What?" I jerk my head back aghast. "I didn't send her to your store!"
"I have no interest in trying to mold some woman into my daughter's life."
"Some woman?" I repeat, seething. "Lorelai isn't just some woman!"
"If the two of you aren't getting married, I don't see why Lorelai needs to be a part of April's life anyway. Either you get that woma-"
"Her name is Lorelai!"
"Either you get Lorelai out of here while April's here or I'll find another place for her to go-"
"No! Listen, April isn't just your daughter, Anna. She's yours and she's mine. I love her and I'd never put her in a position where she'd get hurt. Even if you don't like it, Lorelai's pregnant with April's half siblings and so, yeah, she will see Lorelai occasionally. You're not going to be able to control everything all the time." I slow down my talking in an attempt to tone down my anger. I don't want to fight with Anna, I just want her to hear me. "I'm asking you to trust me. Let me be a judging factor in this. Believe me when I tell you Lorelai will not hurt April. April would be more than lucky to have Lorelai in her life."
"I don't care what you say, I'm not comfortable leaving April with you and that wom-"
Something in me snaps.
"I'll fight you, Anna, I will fight you if I have to," I whisper vehemently, stepping closer to her so April can't overhear. "Stop acting like Lorelai is some random woman off the street who will be bad for April. I've known her for over a decade. She's a good perso-"
"Mom," April calls out, walking up to the two of us, bag in hand, oblivious to our fight. "You have to go or you'll miss your flight."
We tear our gaze from each other to our daughter then back to each other. "Fine," Anna says tersely, unhappy. "We'll do a test run, but I'm going to call April every night."
"Good."
"And if I ask you to put her on a plane-"
"I'll put her on a plane."
"And if I hear anything bad about-"
"You won't," I lower my head and give her what I hope to be a reassuring look. "Anna, trust me, everything will be okay."
Reluctantly, she pulls April into a good-bye hug, her eyes on me. After an extremely dirty look, she finally says her final good-bye, makes her way to her car and speeds off.
The cicadas grow quiet, and for the first time since Anna's shown up, I calm down.
Well, as much as I can.
"You okay?" I ask, turning my attention to my daughter once Anna's tail lights disappear from view.
"Yeah, it's scary hearing grandma fell, but I'll be fine. Good job standing up to Mom, she can be a lot."
"She loves you, she's just trying to protect you."
"Really, Dad?" She lifts a knowing eyebrow. "I'm no longer a little kid. I know she's been hard on you."
I frown and force myself to not explain what Anna's really upset about. I have no interest in causing a riff between my daughter and her mother.
"So . . . " With a little rock on her heels, April drops her attitude and her brown eyes dance mischievously. "Lorelai's here, huh?"
"How in the world did you hear?"
"I have excellent hearing," April explains in a matter-of-fact tone. "Plus, you two really aren't quiet. It was pretty easy to eavesdrop."
"You little sneak," I shake my head in mock annoyance and pull her into my side. "So tell me, how was camp?"
"So Lorelai's here?" She counters, smirking.
"How was camp?" I take her bag and lead her to the backyard.
"So Lorel-"
"April!"
"I was stuck living in a dorm and learning with two hundred other teenagers for twenty-four seven, half of whom were boys who know all about computers and physics but apparently not the basics on how to turn on a shower or change their dirty socks," she babbles quickly as I open the gate for her. "It was about as good as it could get, but I learned a lot and I made a couple friends. We had scientists from all over the world and from MIT come and teach, it was great."
"I'm glad to hear besides the smelly part it was good," I laugh at her quick response as we make our way through the backdoor and into the kitchen.
"So tell me about Lorelai."
"What about her?"
"Why is she here?" she lowers her voice and leans toward me. "Did the whole Christopher thing not work out?" She rolls her eyes as I lower her bag to the floor. "What a shocker!"
I give her a confused look, "How do you know anything about any of that?"
"What do you mean? The whole town was talking about it after the hospital scare. Everyone was saying," She hops up onto her tiptoes to peek over my shoulder to make sure we're still alone. "That Christopher wouldn't stick around - he never does. Everyone knew Lorelai would end up here with you. The entire town tried to start up a bet on whether or not she'd end up with you or Rory's dad, but when every single person placed their bet on you, they had to dissolve it, because what's a bet if no one is betting against you?"
"Apr-"
"Hey, don't get mad at me," She throws up her hands. "You know you hear everything at the diner! I didn't go snooping. I'm just repeating what I heard."
I give her a stern look.
"Wanna hear Kirk's ultimate prediction? He has everything down to days and minutes-"
"No!"
She pouts at my reaction, and when the sound of the TV and soft feminine talking filters into the room, she peers over my shoulder again toward the living room.
"So she's here?"
"Yeah, she's here."
"Are you going to try to win her back?"
"April…" I trail off, raising a hand and rubbing at my face in frustration. When I pull my hand away, it's as if time has sped up. The awkward young girl that burst into my diner unexpectedly isn't standing in front of me anymore. Instead, she seems to have had one of those growth spurts. She's older, taller, more mature and growing into her looks. Going away to camp with two hundred other kids seems to have been good for her. "That's not what any of this is about," I say, not wanting to get her hopes up. "I'm just helping her until the babies are born."
"Yeah, right." She chuckles sarcastically. "And then what? You're going to kick her out to take care of two newborn babies by herself? We both know you won't do that."
"I don't know, we haven't talked about that." I need to get her off this topic. "Do you remember Rory? You met her at Jess' book thing in Philadelphia? She's here for the weekend too."
"Oh good, I liked her."
When a floorboard creaks behind me, April glances over my shoulder, and her face lights up like a Christmas tree. Every part of me shrinks in fear, conjuring up the worse case scenario.
I really should have thought this through.
"Lorelai! Rory!" she squeals, making her way to the stunned pair as I turn to take in the sight.
"April?" Rory's eyes find mine questioningly before going back to my daughter who has leaned in for a hug, which for Rory, is awkward as hell. "Oh! Hi! I didn't know you were coming! It's so good to see you."
"No one knew I was coming, kinda like the first time I popped up!"
It was meant as a joke. Every person in the room knows that, but it doesn't hurt any less. Lorelai wraps her arms over her chest and forces a tight lipped smile in my daughter's direction.
"Except this time even I didn't know I was coming," She pulls back from Rory to explain, "My grandma fell and she lives in New Mexico and there was only one airplane ticket out of Hartford tonight so Mom went out without me. Although, honestly, it's probably a good thing because I wouldn't know what to do and you know what they say about dire situations," she laughs nervously. My eyes focus on Lorelai who's guardedly keeping up with April. "The best thing to do is to stay out of the way. So I'm just thinking of it that way. Plus I've been gone at Science Camp so I haven't been able to see Dad," She glances at me over her shoulder. "I really missed him."
"I missed you too, Sweetie."
A small affectionate smile breaks out on Lorelai's face as she glances from me and then back to April.
"I'm sure your grandma will be okay," Lorelai says reassuringly.
"I hope so," April sighs. "She's not exactly young. Statistically, the older someone is and falls, the worse it can be. It can just be a downward spiral. No pun intended." And for the first time since April's arrival tonight, she looks anxious and surprisingly, especially for herself, she seems unable to pull herself back together. Her fingers dig into her eyes and her shoulders slump. Oh no. The sight causes me to panic. As if having Lorelai and April in a room together isn't enough, now my daughter is going to break down too?
When I look back up, Lorelai's watching me. She gives me an empathetic look, seeing how uncomfortable and unsure I am.
And Rory? Well, Rory looks just as uncomfortable as I feel.
"I know it's hard, but worrying doesn't help, hon," Lorelai says softly, filling in the gap. And then, with a grace that Lorelai possesses even after all that's happened, she steps forward, and wraps her arms around the very girl who's appearance shook me and ultimately led me to breaking her heart. Without a moment of hesitation, April snakes her arms around Lorelai, rests her head against her shoulder, and allows Lorelai to hold and comfort her. "It'll be alright."
Fool! Idiot! My mind stands up and screams at the sight. Look how good she is with your daughter! You could have had this. You could have had Lorelai and Rory AND April if you weren't so insecure.
I lean back against the counter, weakened by the sight, my gaze drifting to Rory to find her studying me solemnly. My regrets have to be painted across my forehead in big bold letters oozing with red paint.
"You have to work on not thinking the worst," Lorelai advises quietly while running a soothing hand up and down my daughter's back. "She may be just fine, April. Don't worry until you know for sure, okay?"
"Mm hmm." April holds on.
Lorelai's eyes find mine and she gives me a concerned look, clearly worried she's overstepped. I force a nod in her direction, conveying I'm okay with the situation.
"How have you been otherwise?" Lorelai's hands slide smoothly down April's shoulders to her forearms, and she bends her knees slightly so they're eye level. Lorelai smiles affectionately. "Aw, look at you, you're growing up so quickly!"
"Ah jeez," April bemoans in a typical, but friendly, teenaged way that causes Lorelai to smile. "I'm okay, worried, but okay." Her gaze drifts to Lorelai's bump and I wonder if she'll be able to go without asking about the twins. Miraculously, she keeps her blunt question in tact
"So you're going to be staying with your dad for a while, huh?"
"Yep. I'm staying with you guys."
Lorelai ignores the emphasis on the word 'you'. Instead, she squeezes April's arms one last time before side-stepping the teenager and plucking a big green apple from the bowl in the center of the island.
"Well, Rory and I are an hour into our first movie. You're more than welcome to jump into your PJs and join us," She takes a big bite, the apple giving way under her teeth with a satisfying crunch, her eyes closing in bliss. I nearly laugh at the sight. Her blue eyes pop open, panicked, fearful, meeting mine. "If your dad's okay with it, of course."
"More than okay with it," I say quietly. We stare at each other for a few seconds. Her eyes soften and my heart lurches. "It's long overdue."
Forty-five minutes later, I'm back in the garage, busy finishing my notes when I look up to find Lorelai leaning against the service door.
"Uh, hey." I drop my pencil and push my paper beneath another pile of papers on the workbench.
"Hey. Hi," She fidgets nervously. "I just wanted to say that Rory and I can go stay at my place." She throws a thumb over her shoulder. "I don't wanna get in your way."
"Thanks, but that's not necessary."
"Rory would be with me so I wouldn't be alo-"
"No!" I interrupt, startling her by my intensity. "I don't want you going from place to place. I want you to be comfortable and settled in one place."
With a long exhale, Lorelai crosses one foot over the other, looks down at the ground, and then squints up at me in confusion. "You should have told Anna I was here."
"I did."
Her eyes widen. "And she's okay with me and April being here at the same time?"
"No, but I don't care." I shrug a nonchalant shoulder. "You really went to see her at her store?" I ask instead, her words from the night of the ultimatum finally sinking in. "Why? What did she say to you?"
Lorelai sighs and looks around the garage with a scowl, clearly irritated by the question. "You're breaking our deal."
"What deal?"
"The deal where we don't talk about anything of importance at all."
"Lorelai, please, just this once, talk to me without making me jump through a million hoops."
Her breath audibly catches and she looks up at me wearily for a few seconds before wandering further into the garage and taking a seat on a stool a few feet from where I'm standing.
She exhales loudly before starting, "Shortly after April's birthday, I had this belief that if I could just talk to Anna face-to-face, she would see that I was a good person and see she had nothing to worry about," she begins to explain, never once looking up at me. Instead, she focuses her attention on fidgeting with a ring on her right hand. Her hair cascades down over her shoulder. "I wanted to reassure her that leaving all the girls at the party with me overnight wasn't a mistake. I wanted her to not be mad at you and let you off the hook. I wanted her to see I was someone she didn't need to worry about when it comes to April. I wanted her to know I wouldn't try to take her place but I would also treat her daughter kindly. I wanted her to know I wasn't the evil step-mother from Cinderella but rather Isabel Kelly - without the tragic ending."
"Who? What?"
"You know, the photographer Isabel Kelly from the movie Stepmom?"
She's wrong, I don't know. But it doesn't matter.
When she pauses, waiting for my response, I prod her on, "And?"
She closes her eyes for a long moment before looking up at me.
"And she became Stonewall Jackson going on and on about how our engagement didn't matter because 'people get engaged all the time and engaged isn't married,'" she mimics Anna entirely too well. "She said we could all talk and get April figured out once we were actually married."
"And that's why you pushed?" I lean against the workbench.
"Partly. I just wanted you and me to go back to how we used to be and I thought if I could talk to Anna it would help, but apparently my charming abilities were hacked that day. I couldn't find any other way back to you and I had this Dumb and Dumber moment where I thought if I pushed and you got scared you'd lose me you'd-" she inhales sharply, her face flushing with color. "Jump." Suddenly, her head pops up and she looks around wildly before standing on her feet and turning toward the door. "Rory and I will go to my hou-"
"I told her you are going to be in April's life and that basically she's just going to have to deal with it," I blurt out toward her back. "I asked her to trust me when it comes to you and that if she doesn't, I will fight her."
"What?" She swings around to face me. "Are you insane? Luke, she could take April from you!"
"Based off what?" I ask, chagrined, pushing off the work bench. "Based on the fact that she feels threatened by you? I've done nothing but be there for April since finding out about her. I haven't done anything wrong, except not fighting her when it comes to you. I'm sick and tired of her controlling everything all the time. I try to be a good father, I try to do the right thing and try to take Anna into consideration. Maybe for once, she can give a little and do the same."
"You shouldn't have done that, she's a real..." she sighs as her sentence trails off, "Bull."
It's not what she meant.
"I should have done it after the party," Our eyes meet gently, and I know the moment has come. "I'm sorry I didn't."
"It's oka-"
"Nah," I shake my head adamantly. "No, it's not. I did everything wrong. I should have told you about April the day she showed up in the diner. All I had to do was come home and tell you about the girl who came into the diner babbling about me potentially being her dad and plucking a hair from my head. How hard would that have been? I should have had you involved since day one. I shouldn't have kept you away."
"It's not all you, Anna didn't want me around Ap-"
"I should have fought for you," Suddenly it's not hard to get the words out, it's impossible to keep them in. "I should have explained how long I waited for you and how you were my girl and therefore, an automatic person in my daughter's life." I pause and swallow the lump that's formed in my throat. "Lorelai, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I didn't fight for you."
I can tell my words reach her. She turns away, inhaling deeply and then releasing it in a slow breath, as she studies the garage for the first time. Finally, she turns and looks back at me. "Thank you for saying that. It means a lot."
I nod, thankful that the words have finally been spoken.
"I'll help you if your words with Anna have repercussions," she offers. "If you want, of course, no pressure. I know you got it."
I can't help but wonder why I didn't ask for her help before. Isn't that what we used to do? Help each other, even before we were romantically involved?
"I'd love your help, thank you."
"You're welcome," she whispers.
"And Lorelai?"
"Hmm?"
I step closer to her. "I don't want you to be nervous or anxious when it comes to April, okay?" Her eyelids flutter. "My daughter would be the luckiest girl in the world to have you in her life. You have full access to her. Don't worry about me getting upset about anything, okay? I won't. The only way I'll get upset is if you don't see how sorry I am. How I want to fix what I've messed up."
"What about Anna?"
"I'll take care of her."
"Okay." She nods once, raises a hand to her face and wipes away a tear from the corner of her eyelid before looking past my shoulder. "So, what are you working on?"
"Uhh…nothing." Reluctantly, I allow her to change the subject. I step back to where I was drawing, snatch up the papers and straighten them into one neat pile. I slip an extra piece of paper on top.
Her eyes transform from deep pain to inquisitive. A teasing grin replaces the hard line of her lips. "What are you planning on building now, Michelangelo?"
"I'm not building anything."
"Yet."
"Yet," I concede.
And then she's strolling over to me, beautiful and pregnant with my babies, and when she reaches out to slip the top paper from my fingers, I don't have the strength to fight her. I'd give her anything in this moment, just to erase all the pain I've put her through.
She holds the paper up to her face and studies it closely. Shit. I don't have a clue which one she's gotten.
I fall mute, and instead of trying to conjure up words, I opt to watch every emotion that flutters across her face. Confusion, wonder, curiosity. When she turns, paper still in hand, and walks out the service door into the dark backyard, I slip the remainder of my papers away and trail after her. She patters through the lawn and stands directly in front of the large oak tree, holding the paper up and comparing the sketch to the tree as well as she can in the dark before turning to look at me. "You're building our kids a treehouse?"
Oh. Okay.
"Yes," I admit, shoving my hands into my back pockets. "Well, not yet."
"Not yet?"
"Nah, they won't be able to play on it for several years and I want to build it with Will, teach him how to build things and how to use tools," I explain. "I want him to be proud of his work and his sister too if she wants to build things."
"Will?" His name falls from her lips affectionately.
"Oh, well, I don't mean Will… I mean…" I exhale loudly, stepping away from her, embarrassed by my slip up.
"As in William?" she continues to prod. "As in your dad's name?"
I clench my jaw and nod. I can't believe I slipped up like that. In my dream, the twins had been so tangible, so real, it's sometimes hard to distinguish reality from fiction. And with this slip up, Lorelai's going to think I'm some sort of a selfish jerk who has already named our kids without taking her wishes into consideration.
"I love that," I whip around to face her to find her watching me closely. "William is such a strong name and I like that it would honor your dad. It gives it meaning. Royal. Plus, Will is a cute nickname."
"Yeah?" I ask nervously.
"Yeah. We can name him William if you want," She looks down at the sketch and shakes her head in amazement before turning and making her way to the back porch steps to take a seat. I follow and sit next to her, confused and overwhelmed by everything that's happened in such a short period of time.
"I can't believe you're thinking this far in advance, whatever inspired this?"
I can't tell her about the dream. I won't tell her about the dream. But she's looking at me with those mesmerizing blue eyes, her face washed in the warm glow of the patio lights that are strung behind us on the porch. There's no stopping it. "I dreamed about the twins," Why in the world would I tell her that?! "And the tree house. I should have sketched it when I woke from the dream, I feel like I'm forgetting some details."
Shoot me now.
I glance at her nervously only to find her staring out at the dark yard, a smile fighting to escape the clutches of her teeth.
"I dreamed about them too."
"I know, you told me, Dream Tramp."
When a burst of laughter cracks through the canvas of the quiet night, I can't help but smile along.
"No, this was a different dream."
"What did you dream about?"
She smirks widely, dreamily. "We were camping."
"Ha!" I laugh loudly turning toward her, unable to help myself. "You? Camping? Outside?"
"Well, you set up a blow up mattress and made it like an actual bed."
"With what? Three hundred count Egyptian cotton sheets?"
"You should be happy I even agreed to go!" And then, to my complete surprise, she twists and punches my arm playfully. "Plus, you agreed to wake me up with coffee every morning."
"Oh, well, of course. Honestly, that was probably more for my protection than yours," I tease, smirking as her mouth drops wide open. "Did you actually go fishing or hiking or set up the tent?"
"I dunno. Probably not. All I dreamed about was waking up in the tent and then wandering out to find the twins in a hammock and you at the fire."
I try to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest and my face neutral at the realization that Lorelai hasn't just been dreaming about the twins, she's been dreaming of the two of us together with our twins.
"So what did you dream about? Besides tree houses?"
She's so enamored by this conversation, I can't stop myself from sharing more with her. "Our daughter won first place in the Hartford beauty contest."
"Oh my god!" she laughs loudly, turning and gaping at me. "I forgot you have very vivid dreams!"
I chuckle and rub a hand over my eyes when my face warms up in embarrassment. Images of the little spitfire pop into my mind.
"Don't worry, our daughter doesn't believe in beauty contests and only did it for your mom. She's going to start horseback riding with her best friend, Lana, which is probably good because the beauty contest board has gotten word that our daughter is bad mouthing the practice and your mom isn't very happy."
"Ha! Well, then she really is my daughter. I hated those contests!"
"You were in beauty contests?"
"Well, no, not exactly. I was in coming out parties, but it's basically the same thing. The only problem was that I was more like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality. I would have loved it had I been able to teach self defense as my talent." Again, she laughs. "Okay, if her best friend is named in your dream, our daughter must be named too."
I look away, already embarrassed.
"Spill it, mister."
"Lilly," I whisper. "Well, Lillian, but we call her Lilly."
After a couple silent seconds, I look over to find her taking in the name. She's thinking hard, not looking at me, but when she does, her eyes are soft.
"I love it."
"Yeah?"
"Yep," She nods once looking down at her bump and rubbing it affectionately. "Well there we go, now Thing One and Thing Two have names."
"No, common! You can still think about it," I jump in. "You don't have to settle on it now, maybe you'll find something you like more. I don't want you screaming at me in the delivery room that I forced you to name the kids without you having a say."
"First off, you are not coming into the delivery room and second, I named Rory after me, what do you think that says? I didn't even decide on her name until I gave birth and was forced to name her and was high as a kite on painkillers. I think Lilly and Will are cute. Plus they have that double l thing going for them. Very cool for twins. They look like a Will and Lilly."
I lean toward her, bumping my arm against hers. "One, I will be in the delivery room. I'm in this with you one hundred percent, Lorelai, and two, you do realize we had different dreams, right? They may look totally different to you than they do to me."
"Are they not the cutest six year olds with dark hair and blue eyes?"
Yes. Yes they are.
We stare at each other for far longer than we should. Every nerve on my body reacts to her and when my eyes lower to her lips, an overwhelming urge to lean forward, press my lips to hers and take my fill of her overtakes me. But I have no time to make a move, because she's busy grabbing my hand in her own. Her fingers wrap around my wrist and she hauls my hand to her abdomen, placing it over her bump while placing her two hands on top of mine and looking at me expectantly.
I stare at her, distracted by my heart beating a million miles a second, sparks shooting from every place we're touching and then . . . I feel it. I suck in a breath and lower my eyes at the faint movement beneath my palm.
"They've been moving for a while now," She smirks, eyes bright, her hands still on top of mine. "But we haven't been in the same place at the same time that I could share it with you."
Beneath my palm, the faintest of movements can be felt. I chuckle, rubbing my thumb over her stomach. "Does it hurt?"
"Not really, it just feels like butterflies fluttering around right now."
I smile at the anecdote and stop everything to take in the feeling of one of my babies against my palm. An intense wave of protectiveness washes over me. I rotate, both hands going to her, trying to feel them more clearly. We're both silent, taking in the moment, and when I look up into her face, she smiles at me warmly. "This is when they can start hearing and recognizing voices."
I raise my eyebrows at her words and lean toward her stomach, feeling somewhat like a fool, but wanting to connect with my kids. "Hi. I'm your dad, please don't grow up to be a caffeine addict like your mo-"
"Hey!"
"I figured I'd start before the brainwashing begins."
"Well considering the fact I haven't even started talking to them about coffee, you now have an unfair lead."
"All's fair in love and war."
"Oh, it's war alright!" she declares before leaning down and talking to the babies, "Don't listen to your dad, he doesn't know what he's talking about."
When there's no longer any movement, I rotate back to my seat, lean over and rest my elbows on my knees and look down between my feet. Is this how I wanted to have kids with Lorelai? No. Is she exactly as I thought she'd be? Yes.
"This side is a little out of balance," Lorelai says, breaking me out of my thoughts. I glance over my shoulder to see her tracing a fingertip over the empty spot on my sketch. It's the exact spot Will and I were trying to fill. "Can you hang a swing there?"
A swing. Duh!
"That's a great idea."
There's a moment of comfortable silence before Lorelai lets out a heavy exhale and whispers, "Rory thinks we should talk."
"We are talking, aren't we?"
"Yeah, but she thinks we should be talking about the important things," she wrings her hands together. "For the twins."
"We talked about the babies tonight."
"And April and Anna," she agrees, her words spilling from her mouth faster and faster, "I mean, we could probably just let things be and they'd probably be okay, you know? Kinda like the way nature always finds a way to balance itself out sort of way. No matter how many times humans pave paradise and put up a parking lot, nature always finds a way to crack through the surface and reclaim what rightfully belongs to nature. If we just let us be, the same could happen, don't you think?"
"Oh yeah," I jump in, eager to agree.
I stare out into the yard for a couple silent minutes as her words race around my head, trying to find a place to land and settle. I like her analogy, but… I want her. I want us. I want our family. I sit upright. "You know what? Rory's right. We should be talking."
Her eyes widen in undisguised surprise. "What just happened to the whole everything will balance out agai-"
"It's not just us anymore."
Lorelai inhales, her cheeks inflating as she lets out a long breath. "Really? You want us to talk about everything," She points between the two of us with a cringe. "It'll get messy."
"It already is, we're just pretending it's not."
She licks her lips before crossing her arms over her stomach, leaning forward and looking in the opposite direction of me. I've never, in my entire life, seen her look so uncomfortable.
Instead of saying anything, I grab a pebble from the ground and begin to rub my thumb over it as she takes the time to think through my words.
"Well, okay…" she trails off sighing again. "If you want to talk, I'll talk."
"I don't want you to talk just because Rory and I think we should talk. You have to want to do it too, otherwise it's a waste of time. I won't pressure you."
"I know, but I think it would be good for us."
"So you want to do this? You want to talk?"
She shrugs her shoulder closest to me. "I don't know if I want to talk, but I think we should if for no other reason than for the twins."
"For the twins."
"For the twins," she nods. "Knowing us, we should probably have some ground rules to make sure we keep talking."
"Like?"
"Like maybe," She pauses for a moment, thinking. "Maybe we both commit to talking about something important once a day, but we can go back and forth, so it's not too intense. We can keep things short. Today was your day, you talked about Anna and April. Tomorrow, I can bring up a topic. I think if we keep in mind that we don't have to solve or talk about everything all at one time, it'll make things easier."
"That sounds good," I nod, liking the idea. "Maybe when it's our day we can choose to ask a question or give an explanation."
"And the other person can't overreact and get mad and storm off. And if the other person is giving an explanation, the other can't talk until the other is done."
"Can you be quiet that long?"
"I don't know, can you talk that much Mr. Monosyllabic Man?"
I laugh and nod. "Agreed. And since we're both hotheads, perhaps it should be a rule that we can't go to bed angry. We both have to be on the same page and we have to finish the conversation on the same day."
"That could result in the two of us spending a lot of time together."
"We already spend a lot of time together, we live together," I point out. "You're practically another appendage."
"Mmm." She disagrees.
"What?"
We'd have to make sure to see each other at least once a day."
"We already do that."
She lifts an eyebrow in silent disagreement.
"We'd have to make sure it's more than just me stopping into the diner for breakfast or shopping or seeing each other at the very end of the day just to say goodnight. We'd have to give up the whole, 'how late are you working tonight' bit at breakfast and then scheduling around it to make sure at least one of us is working late so we're not alone together."
I scratch my chin. Leave it up to Lorelai to blatantly admit out loud what we've been doing.
"I can do that," She looks like she regrets bringing up this idea. "Not only would it be best for our kids if we were able to work out our problems before they're born, but it would be good for us. I think we should also agree to not use humor to get out of having a serious conversation."
Naturally, she doesn't like this.
"Okay, fine." She inhales sharply and extends her hand toward me. "Ok, so it's an agreement?"
"It's an agreement," I wrap my hand over hers. Sparks rush from where our hands connect, zipping and turning up my arm through every atom of my body.
Her eyes jump to mine, clearly feeling the same exact electric touch.
"I better get back to the girls before they come looking for me," She pulls her hand from mine, "We have to finish the movie in time so we can get settled on the bench in the gazebo before Kirk sets off the alarm and makes his appear-"
"Lorelai," I groan, rising to my feet. "Seeing Kirk naked is going to traumatize April."
"I'll cover her eyes! It's not like he runs around silent. She can still listen in."
"The fireworks are tomorrow night-"
"I won't keep her out late!"