Chapter 5 is here.
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Pain was something she was accustomed to feel.
A pill would ease it when it was physical, a drink would make it worst when it was psychological.
But she didn't know how to do it otherwise.
She drank too much and it was her fault. She shouldn't have done that, especially with her kids home.
But she was up and she had to take care f the breakfast. She swallowed some aspirin quickly and rubbed her temple, hoping her hangover would go away.
Mark's word were echoing in her head, mixed with mental picture of Callie and Penny playing with a perfect healthy baby, smiling at them.
She felt so stupid deep down. She had no right to feel that way.
Callie was with Penny for more than a year and it was logical for their relationship to evolve.
It had all happen so fast, too fast.
Callie was known for rushing things. On every plan, she was impatient, passionate, excessive some times in the best or the worst way.
As soon as she met Penny Blake, she was ready to create a whole new life with the younger woman. They moved in together a couple of month after Callie presented her girlfriend to her children and it had been a delicate period for everybody.
Penny had wanted to act like a parent to Travis and Olivia and it had resulted into heated fight between the two ex wives.
Callie blamed Arizona to prevent her to move on and Arizona reproached Callie wanted to erase her from her children's life.
The argument were only adressed to each octher by emails.
They weren't not able to face each other for months at that point of what remain of their relationship.
The few occasion they would see each other was related to Travis and Olivia medical appointment or school reunion.
They remained civil during those event. It was awkward and always nerve breaking, but they had to do it for their children.
So Arizona would keep doing that, for their sakes and to respect her ex wife. She would put a brave smile on her face and smile, like always.
« Hurry up grandma ! » Olivia suddenly made herself heard, making Arizona jump. « We're going to be late ! »
« I'm coming ! » The older woman replied, as the little girl and her brother entered the kitchen.
Today she was going to the zoo with her grandmother and she was ready for that big adventure.
« Slow down Kido ! » Her mother laughed as the family settled at the table for their breakfast. « You have to eat your cereal first and then you'll go. And of course grandma get the time she needs to have her breakfast. »
« But we're going to be late ! »
« Olivia, it's only 9:30 and the zoo open at 11. You won't be late. » Arizona stroked her hair.
« And why aren't you coming with us ? » Olivia asked.
Arizona gasped, taken aback by the question. But luckily Barbara was here.
« Because I wanted to have you for me, and only me ! » The older woman smiled and tickled Olivia's rib, the little girl laughing loudly at her grandmother antics.
« So what's the program for you today Travis ? » Barbara asked her grandson as Arizona served her a tass of coffee, giving her a thankful look. « Where am I dropping you off ? »
« I'm going to Riley's. We're going to the ice rink with his father. » the boy replied with excitement. « And then I need go to the mall to buy a new basket outfit ! »
« We are ? » Arizona asked her son.
« My old one is too short. Mama was supposed to tell you. » Travis explained, a little disappointed.
« Oh... Yeah I … I just forgot ! Of course we're going... » Arizona tried to cheer her son up.
« You're sure ? »
« Sure Travis. I pick you up after lunch, okay ? » Barbara replied, taking the lead.
« Okay... »
It was that kind of little details Arizona hated. But it was her fault. She wasn't able to communicate with Callie and apparently, the brunette was busy right now.
It was not supposed to be like that. It was not supposed to affect their kids daily life.
They were supposed to be a family.
But not anymore.
As Barbara left the house with her grandchildren, she kissed her daughter cheeks.
« Try to relax darling. » she said. « I know you are … upset. But try to think to something else. »
Giving her mother a sad smile, Arizona bend and kissed her children.
« Be good to grandma ! » She warned them gently. « Have a good day ! »
Closing the door behing her family, Arizona let a deep breath escape.
The timing was horrible. Learning about Callie baby project the day before was like a slap in her face.
Today was the third anniversary of the worst day of her life and she was one more time alone to spend it.
She would always do the same thing every year since that horrible day.
Did Callie even remember ? Did she care ?
How was she able to move on so easily ?
Arizona had no answer to those question. Was she the only one mourning?Was she the only one who wanted to remember him ?
Why was everything so complicated for her ?
Loading up the dishwasher, she checked her phone. Nothing.
What was she expecting ?
She wanted to cry but she had no more tears left.
If Callie had listen to her, everything would have been different.
She wouldn't have known him, she wouldn't have see him and it would have been easier.
They wouldn't have lost each other, they wouldn't have hurt each other. And their family would always be united.
She was lost in her memories when her phone vibrated. She checked it one more time, thinking it was just Barbara checking on her, or Mark who would try to apologize.
« Travis need a new basket outift. »
It was the only word she could read from her ex wife. Just material and practical conversation about the kids.
She wouldn't answer it. Anyway, her mother would take care of it and everything will be okay.
And then a second text arrived.
« You're not alone in this. I wish you could understand I miss him every second. »