AN : / Here is a heavy chapter. I hope you'll like it. Jax helped me again. Reviews are always welcome.
...
The drive back to her home had been terribly hard for Arizona. She was feeling guilty about the way she had treated her ex-wife, but she didn't want to show how vulnerable she was. It was easier, but she wasn't proud of it. She was trying not to cry with everything she had, putting the kids' favourite music on in the car and singing with them out loud, trying to put on her best fake smile.
Once at home, she was relieved her mother was asleep, or at least was in her room. She didn't want to face her, and she knew the older woman would ask hundreds of questions.
« Come on kiddos! Let's get your teeth brushed and put your pyjamas on. I'll come and kiss you goodnight in a minute. »
Travis and Olivia nodded and ran up the stairs, laughing and smiling. At least they had a great night and that was the only thing that mattered.
Once everybody but her was asleep in their bed, Arizona grabbed a glass in the kitchen and poured herself some white wine.
She walked to the lounge, tired but weirdly relieved.
Callie knew the pathetic truth now, but it wasn't a burden for her to carry alone anymore.
She would be able to face her feelings, she needed time to accept them but eventually, she would be able to deal with them and she hoped she would be able to move forward.
Thinking back, Callie had been eager to get back in the dating pool.
The divorce papers were signed in less than 3 months, she remembered hearing Lexie talk about an EMT guy her ex-wife had been seeing. Then there was the girl from the coffee cart, and then a few others before Penny arrived and settled down with her family.
She had been devastated at first, crying herself to sleep for weeks, but letting everybody around her think she didn't care.
Why was it so easy for Callie to move on when she was stuck in her sorrow?
But for now, she was ready to face her hidden feelings and try to free herself from Callie for good.
She smiled sadly, looking at old pictures on her phone. Pictures from another life, when everything was easier, when nothing could separate them.
It was the first time she looked at them without crying.
She was about to get rid of her prosthetic when she heard a knock on her door. Surprised by the late comer, she thought it was better to ignore it.
It was probably a prankster or a drunk neighbour who was mistaking his house for hers….
Another louder knock… she sighed in annoyance. It was almost midnight, and she wanted some time alone to think about everything that was happening in her life.
Standing up she walked to the door, ready to yell at the unwelcome guest.
« What's your pr... »
« Shhhh... » Callie put a finger on her ex-wife's mouth and dragged her outside of the house.
Arizona was unable to resist, even after all these years, Callie was still stronger than her physically.
« What the hell! What are you doing here! Do you know what time it is! » Arizona yelled.
« Please! Don't talk so loud! The kids must be asleep! » Callie said, knowing exactly what she was doing. « They had a good time tonight, even if you were not that cooperative. It would be a bummer to ruin everything because you can't speak to me normally »
Furious, Arizona clenched her fist and tried to remain as cool as she could. But she was caught in Callie's trap and she didn't want to deal with that.
« What do you want... » Arizona asked angrily, looking at the ground. Meeting Callie's eye was too hard right now. « I have surgery early tomorrow; I need to sleep. »
« I don't care. » Callie stated. « You had your time to talk earlier, and I haven't been able to say anything, so now you are going to listen. Even if you don't want to. »
« You can't force me. » Arizona warned, trying to get back in her house but Callie firmly settled in front the door, crossing her arms over her chest.
« You are not going anywhere before I finish. » Callie warned her. « I'm not letting you bail. »
« What are you talking about, I didn't bail. » Arizona replied, her eyes still full of anger.
« You can't just throw in my face that you are still in love with me and walk away, and then be angry at me. » Callie said. « I don't want to be rude, but it's not my fault if you still have feelings for me Arizona. I'm not responsible. »
« I never said that you were. You weren't supposed to acknowledge what I said. » The blonde snapped.
« It's not like I did it on purpose! » Callie snapped back. « But what do you want from me? Because you need to make your mind up and make a decision. »
« I... What are you talking about? » Arizona finally meets her ex-wife gaze. « Don't you think I feel stupid. I'm trying so hard not to love you. I lied to myself for years, and I admitted my true feelings to myself a few weeks ago. It was easier to hate your guts! In the beginning it was so easy! »
« Arizona... »
« What… you want to talk! Let's talk! » The blonde was now crying as she spoke. « It was so easy to hate you because you broke our family! »
« No I didn't » Callie yelled. « I made a mistake but so did you! »
« You sent the divorce papers Callie! Without talking to me, you sent that envelope as I was mourning my son! »
« He was my son too Arizona why is it so hard for you to admit! » Callie was crying now too.
« You knew he was going to die. You knew it, you're a doctor for god's sake. And still, you wanted to let him come into this world where he did nothing but suffer. » Arizona cried. « He died... He died in my arms Callie, and it was so horrible. I gave birth to that beautiful baby boy to let him die. »
« It's not your fault Arizona... It's... » Callie sadly stated. « I know we were not on the same page, but if you ask me if I regret our choice, I don't. »
« I can't talk about it. » Arizona tried another time to get back in her house, but Callie prevented her, not letting the blonde push her out of the way. She grabbed her wrist and tried to make her continue their talk. This conversation was 3 years late, but it was finally happening.
« Get off of me! » Arizona screamed; Callie was still holding her ex-wife's wrist as she struggled to get free. « Get off of me! »
« Talk to me Arizona! Let go of all the emotions you've been holding onto for years! Yell, scream, all you want! We should have done this 3 years ago! » Callie said sadly, tears rolling down her cheeks as she felt Arizona's body freeze. « It's my life too! It was my life, and I may have not reacted in the best way, but you have to stop killing yourself slowly and start living for your kids! I know we lost Terry, believe me, I did everything alone because you wouldn't. I did the paperwork, I planned the funeral, I did everything on my own. I took care of our two beautiful kids all by myself for months when all you were doing was shutting us off! »
Arizona let her gaze meet those brown eyes again, filled with tears. She let both her arms fall from Callie's grip and her lips began to quiver.
« We have done it wrong Arizona; we were both wrong... » Callie said sadly. « We should have asked for help, but we were too stubborn... »
This was the breaking point. Arizona's body collapsed to the ground, and she began to sob, like she had never allowed herself to cry before.
Callie didn't hesitate and sat behind her and grabbed the crying woman by the waist, bringing her closer, and rocking her slowly, as she cried silently.