AN:/ Let me thanks my beta Jax!
Enjoy your reading!
Callie walked back to the table, trying to wipe the tears she had let roll freely outside.
It just happened. Arizona had done the first step and she wasn't expecting it anytime soon.
She wanted to talk to her ex-wife and tell her everything she had felt and resented toward her for years, she wanted to tell her she had been too hard on her too and after all, she wanted to apologize, she wanted to free herself from all that sadness and guilt.
But above all, she wanted Arizona to be freed too. She knew the blonde was killing herself with all her remorse and this guilt.
And now, she had told Callie almost everything she needed and wanted to hear.
It was definitely a huge step.
They had been so mad at each other, so stubborn not to resolve their problems and not communicate their real feelings at the time. It was better than never, but Callie was feeling a sudden sadness, a taste of waste.
Seeing her coming back, Arizona stood up, worried the ortho surgeon wouldn't be able to forgive her and that's why she had left.
« Are you okay? » Arizona asked, concerned.
Callie gulped and approached her ex-wife before embracing her suddenly. Arizona froze a little in shock at the intimate contact.
« Thank you... » Callie whispered, holding her tightly, her voice full of sadness. « Thank you... »
Feeling Callie so close and so vulnerable made Arizona unable to answer anything.
She was enjoying the moment, she still felt this safety Callie's embrace was giving her. It hadn't changed in the 4 years they had been apart.
And then it was too much for her, Arizona kissed Callie's cheek and the brunette closed her eyes, relaxed by the sweetness of the gesture. They pulled away and looked in each other's eyes as they sat back.
Callie wanted to say anything, but she couldn't.
« I know... » Arizona reassured her, seeing her struggling through her tears. « I know... it's a lot to take in, I know. I'm not asking anything in return Callie. I just want us to do everything we can to move forward with our lives, and make our kids happy, and loved. »
« You can't... You can't imagine how long I've been waiting for you to say those words... But you are not the only one to blame in our failed attempt to save our family. » Callie managed to say. « I jumped the gun quickly, I was pushing you but you weren't ready. I wasn't either. I clouded the issues, I wanted the pain to stop, and I thought that if we were getting back to a normal life, it will be easier. I was hurt, and I couldn't blame anyone but you. So, when I sent you those damn papers it was not because I didn't want you, or didn't love you anymore. I loved you so much that seeing you drowning in your sorrow was killing me. I wanted you to react, and nothing worked. So, I had this stupid idea, like an ultimatum. I thought you were running back to me, screaming we were not going to do this. But instead, you signed the papers and moved out...
In less than a day, everything was gone. I was all alone in our house where we used to be so happy... »
« I should have talked to you, but I wasn't thinking straight Callie. » Arizona said sadly. « Oh gosh, we were so in pain and mad, we were blinded by Terry's death. The worst is that we should have talked to our friends, they would have helped us... I'm so sorry. »
Arizona was crying now too, and Callie couldn't stand it. She grabbed her hands and she kissed the back of them, trying to ease the pain.
« I'm... I'm sorry too. » Callie said. « Such a waste... »
« Mommy! Mama! » The children yelled running to their mothers, but they stopped when they saw they had been crying and Callie released Arizona's hand.
« What's wrong? » Travis worried. « Are you fighting? »
« No! Not at all baby! Come here! » Arizona said, opening her arms to welcome her son. « We promise, we were just talking about some old sad stories, but it's ok now, isn't it Mama? »
« It is... » Callie agreed as she took Olivia on her lap. « It's awesome! »
….
Arizona came home, with a smile on her face and it didn't go unnoticed by her mother who was in the lounge, watching TV.
She sat next to her and stretched her body, waiting for the older woman to ask questions. But she didn't say a word.
« What's going on? » Arizona asked, surprised.
« What do you mean? » Barbara smirked. « I should be the one asking you. « It's the first time you came back from a meeting with Callie, and you are not upset, you are not yelling. You didn't go to your room, slamming the door behind you... »
« It was not a meeting with Callie. It was a family afternoon. » Arizona précised. « And it was great. The kids had fun; they loved the new condo Callie found. »
« And ? »
« And they told me to kiss you. » Arizona replied, kissing her mother on the cheek and snuggling against her.
« I was talking about Callie honey. Did you two talk? » Barbara asked.
« We did. » Arizona simply replied.
« And ? » Barbara asked again.
« And it was good. No, it was cathartic for me, and for her also. » Arizona emotionally confessed. « It made me feel almost at peace. And Callie was really on edge. We admitted that we messed up when we lost Terry. We tried to grieve but we didn't do it the right way. So, we blamed our loss on each other because it was easier than to feel the pain. I guess we put the pain and our mourning in our divorce. »
« That's great Arizona. You managed to talk about your guilt and your failures. That's a huge thing. » Barbara said. « And so now, what are you going to do? »
« We are going to co-parent our children with love and respect. » Arizona explained. « We owe them that. They are everything to me... To us... »
« Soooo, there is an 'us' now? Wow, that's big news! »
Arizona sat back straight. « Mom, no you are not going to do that. It's not about me and Callie. It's about the kids. There's never been any idea from either me or her to... to get back together or anything... »
« Of course it is about you and her, moron! You said it yourself: you love her! And of course, she loves you Arizona. Why do you think she chose a woman like that Penny Blake ? Their relationship was doomed from the start. That woman was nothing to her, not even a rebound, it was a lifeline to help her keep her head up. You know Callie, she is an amazing woman, but sometimes she rushes things to avoid dealing with her real issues. That's why after your divorce, she got back so fast to the dating pool. It must have been hard on her, but in her head, she had no choice but to keep on living, or she would have drowned... »
« Like I did... » Arizona sadly admitted. « I know I let the depression settle in and that I have been in a dark place. But I'm better now, and it's going to get better and better, I hope. So that's why even if Callie had some feelings for me, and by that I mean real feelings and I'm sure she doesn't, It wouldn't be a good time. I need to work on myself first before considering moving on, with anybody, Callie or another Woman. »
« You two have already lost almost 4 years... » Barbara insisted.
« What is it with you? I just tell you there's no way this is going to happen. You sound like Mark, or Bailey... Leave me out of your happily ever after. It is not going to happen... »
Arizona stood up and left the room, she needed some fresh air. Or some drinks. She grabbed her phone and dialled her friends.
« Hey April, it's me... DO you want to go to Joe Tonight? »