AN : / The chapter is delivered and waiting for your reviews ^^
Thanks to Jax again, you are a true helper!
...
They were staring at each other, Callie was pressing Arizona's body against the cold hard wall, preventing her from going anywhere, time frozen.
They couldn't move, they couldn't talk. They were stuck in the moment.
Callie was holding back tears as Arizona was agape, confused at what the brunette was trying to make her feel through her kisses.
She grabbed the lapels of Arizona's jacket, not really knowing what to do next.
She tried to say something, but nothing was coming out of her mouth. She leaned in, brushing her nose, against Arizona's for a second, before bursting into tears, sobbing as her arms came around the blonde's neck. She sank her face into Arizona's neck and broke down crying.
She was letting go of years of misunderstanding, of a divorce she didn't want, of hate and resentment. She was letting go of poor choices, of arguments, of fights.
She was crying over the loss of her son, the loss of her family and it had opened up a chasm it all felt too much.
Arizona's arms found their way to the brunette waist. Callie was having her moment now, and all she could do was be there for her. She was literally carrying her, trying her best to support her.
When the sobs began to lessen, Callie steadied herself and swiped her face, trying her best to erase any trace of her breakdown.
Arizona was looking at her with nothing but a desperate love. She could feel this was like a point of no return.
But she also knew they needed to talk seriously, it was going to be hard, they might not be able to make it through all the hurt. But right now, Callie needed her.
« Are you okay? » She worried.
Callie was still wiping tears from her eyes and still hadn't said a word yet.
« I can't do this Arizona. » Callie said. « I can't live in this confusion; I am feeling so many different emotions and feelings I didn't know I had. »
« Look at me. » Arizona said, raising Callie's chin to meet her eyes. « I know exactly how you feel. I've been down that road the past few weeks. And it's not easy, and it's hard, and… and… and it hurts so much. But you have to feel all of it. You have to if you want to survive... »
« How did you deal with it... » Callie asked, noticing her ex-wife was crying now too.
« I don' t know. I let it happen I guess... » Arizona shrugged. « But I'm going to see a therapist soon. I'm looking for someone to help me process all this. »
« I... I think I need help too... » Callie replied. « It's like a tsunami in my head right now. It could just blow up in my face and ... »
Callie stepped towards Arizona again and didn't say anything. She grabbed her by the back of her head and kissed her fiercely. Arizona moaned, Callie's tongue seeking entrance; the situation was quickly becoming very heated.
Arizona knew Callie was avoiding something by kissing her so intensely, and that's why she pulled away.
« Callie wait... » she sighed.
« What is it? » Callie grumbled. « Isn't this what you want? »
« It's not about me Callie, it's about you, and what you want. You have to figure out what you want... from me. » Arizona said. « If you are just doing this to avoid facing your feelings and your issues, I don't want to be your remedy. »
« You told me you still love me... » Callie frowned.
« I did….I do… It took years for me to realise my love for you had always been there. But for you, I don't know if it's the same. And I'm not sure whether you know your true feelings. So, I don't want to be hurt, because if we can't be together as a real couple, then I don't want to ruin the relationship we were building for our kids. I don't want to be with you if in a few months you realise you don't love me anymore. I won't survive that Callie. »
« What are we supposed to do ? Wait for me to have an epiphany? Playing best friends in front of the kids? » Callie was lost and she was impatient. « I don't have time for this. I don't want this... »
« I'm not in your head Callie! » Arizona reproached. « I don't know what your feelings are, I don't know what your fears are, what you want... But please, try to understand what I just told you. »
« We used to be so in love Arizona. I was totally yours; you could have had anything from me. And then we lost Terry and you weren't there anymore. I lost you and I didn't know how to live without you by my side. You were everything to me, and then we weren't even talking... » Callie sadly remembered. « And what now? Because we are trying to act friendly for the kids we are supposed to forget about everything else? »
« Callie... It's not that simple. » Arizona sighed. « I don't have all the answers, but I do know that we need help. Maybe we should go to therapy together? »
« But we're not together... » Callie replied.
« No, but our trauma, our issues came from the same loss... » Arizona sadly replied. « I will find someone that can help us, I hope. I will send you some numbers and maybe we will be able to figure things out, ok? »
« I... Maybe... »
« Please, tell me you'll think about it Callie. If there's one chance... If we... » Arizona mumbled.
Callie remained confused in front of her ex-wife.
Was Arizona really telling her there was a possibility for them to be a couple?
She wanted to believe her, but she was totally confused. And Arizona was right. If there was a chance for them, she had to figure out if she was willing to take it.
She had to be 100% sure she would be in. There would be no turning back. If they tried without being both totally convinced they were still in love with each other, it would be a disaster.
« I will think about it. »
…
Arizona was more confused coming back home than she was when she left.
God knows just the memories of Callie's lips on her were disturbing her. She had craved those lips, they were so soft. And that kiss... Only Callie was able to rock her world in one kiss, and as she was still confused, she was upset the brunette still had that effect on her.
Callie's lack of words telling her what she was feeling could be a good or a bad thing.
It might say « I still love you but I don't know how to express it » or « I'm done with you so this is goodbye. »
Neither option would be easy anyway.
They could remain friendly and raise their kids in a soothing atmosphere, setting up family dinners every week, family hang outs once in a while.
But if she was honest, Arizona wanted more than anything the other possibility.
She had never assumed it could be a possibility for her and Callie to be together again. But after those kisses, she was thinking that maybe...
But if it was going to happen, it would be a lot of work. It would take talks, forgiveness, altruism, love and a lot of patience.
But if Callie realised that was what she wanted, Arizona would be in and maybe one day they could get their family back.
She parked her car and got out of it. She just wanted to shower and go right to bed.
A relaxing night after a weird evening...
She was looking for her keys in her purse when she heard a noise coming from the bushes. She didn't really pay attention, thinking it was probably a cat from the neighbourhood.
She found the key and was about to unlock her door when she felt a sharp pain in her back. Then another wave of pain made her scream in agony. She didn't know what had hit her and turned back to see a shadow of a person running away.
The pain intensified quickly as she tried to understand what just happened. She reached around to her back with her hand when she felt it. It was the handle of knife.
As a doctor, she knew what she had to do as she tried not to panic. She grabbed her phone, feeling her legs quivering and her breathing becoming laboured. Blood was pouring down her back and was strewing the ground.
The taste of blood was in her mouth, she had managed to call 911 but she was unable to speak.
At that same moment, Barbara, worried by the scream she had heard, opened the door and faced her daughter.
« Arizona, What's wrong honey? » She worried, seeing the blood on her daughter's hand.
Arizona smiled awkwardly at her, trying to say something, before collapsing in her mother's arms.