Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
When Olivia next opened her eyes, light was just beginning to filter through her window. At some point during the night, she had turned away from her usual position lying against Elliot's chest, and was instead curled up on her other side. While she couldn't definitively pinpoint that as the reason, she suspected that was why she had awoken feeling so lonely. The other predominant sensation she was feeling was one of relief, in knowing that she just had one more day to get through before she would have officially survived the first anniversary of her ordeal with William Lewis – at least in terms of the initial encounter.
Not completely ready to leave the comfort of the bed, or even her partner's proximity, but unable to ignore the fullness of her bladder, Olivia reluctantly eased herself from under the covers and padded toward the bathroom. Unwilling to wake up entirely just yet, she refrained from any other parts of her morning routine, deciding to wait until later to wash her face and brush her teeth. Slipping back into the bed beside Elliot, she flipped her pillow over to find the cool side and rested her cheek against it, only to find that her partner was watching her.
"I'm sorry if I woke you, El. I know its too early to get up, but believe me when I say it wasn't entirely my idea. My body just had other plans. Going to try and get some more sleep now, though."
"I can support that. It is still pretty early, even for us. Why don't we both try and catch a couple more hours, then we can have another attempt at starting the day?"
Agreeing that Elliot's suggestion sounded good, Olivia closed her eyes, hoping that the nightmares that had remained mostly at bay throughout the course of the night would continue to evade her. It had been such a blessed reprieve to not have been revisited by the myriad of horrors she had endured in her life while she had slept, and the brunette desperately longed to get back to what had become her typical sleep routine prior to the most recent dates on the calendar. Unfortunately, no matter how much she tried to relax again, the familiar sensation of restlessness was starting to creep back in, and Olivia didn't know if she wanted to cry or scream in frustration. Thankfully, Elliot was perceptive as always to her situation, and without a word reached out a hand in her direction. It lay waiting, palm facing upward, between their bodies, and all she needed to do was grab hold. Wordlessly linking her fingers with her partner's, Olivia allowed herself a sigh of relief, and felt calm reign once more.
With Elliot holding her hand, Olivia was able to drift back off to sleep, her breathing evening out as slumber claimed her yet again. Unfortunately, the peacefulness she had experienced earlier that morning and during the night didn't continue, and disturbing images began to play out behind her closed lids, assailing her with unpleasant reminders of events she'd just as soon forget. In particular, the lengths that she had to go to in order to ultimately escape from the beast, and how much she hated herself for allowing him to taunt her into giving in to her rage.
The more agitated Olivia became, likewise did her breathing get more erratic. At one point, Elliot was worried she would start to hyperventilate in her sleep, yet he was too afraid to reach out and touch his hand to her shoulder in an attempt to wake her for fear of adding to whatever trauma she was reliving in her dream. Extending his arm to the nightstand, he quickly grabbed the bottle of cologne and spritzed it a few times into the air, hoping that his partner would recognize the familiar scent, and that somehow, it would help to ground her and bring her back to the present.
As the fine mist settled around them, Olivia cried out, her fingers reflexively clinging tighter to ones that she held so closely. She inhaled sharply, breathing in the fragrance that had been introduced, and Elliot noticed the exact moment when the fact that she was safe registered with the woman that he loved. There was an obvious change in her demeanor, and even though she had yet to open her eyes and acknowledge him, her respiration leveled out to a more normal cadence. What really tore Elliot in two, though, was the lone tear that slipped from beneath his partner's closed eyelids and slowly trailed its way down her cheek. Even in their early days, seeing Olivia cry had never failed to break his heart, and no amount of time would ever change that.
"Are you with me, Liv?"
"I think so."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
With nothing but total and absolute respect for that response, Elliot deftly changed the subject. He had always promised that he would never push Olivia to talk about something she didn't want to, and that was a vow he intended to keep.
"No problem. We can just stay right here. Or, if you'd prefer, I think I smell coffee. I'm willing to wager that Fin already has a pot brewing. But there is no need to rush. I know he wouldn't expect you downstairs before you're ready, and neither would I."
"Just give me a few more minutes to get my bearings, and then I'll grab my shower. I think the probability of me getting any more sleep is long since over. I should have taken the hint when my bladder woke me up earlier and not tried to get more rest. That was my first mistake."
Now that she was calmer, and Elliot knew she would be more open to physical touch and gestures of affection without being triggered further, he didn't hesitate to envelop Olivia in his arms, and pressed his lips against her forehead in an effort to help soothe her.
"I'm sorry you had so much trouble. I hadn't wanted to say anything before, but it seemed like you'd had a fairly uneventful night up until that point."
"I did. Guess my brain had other ideas."
No stranger to PTSD himself, and the way the symptoms could rear their ugly head – often without warning – Elliot was more than empathetic. It was difficult enough knowing that today marked the fourth and final day of Olivia's initial captivity by William Lewis, and he was worried what might manifest as a result. Some of it had already started to surface yesterday, with Olivia recalling the extremes she'd had to go to in order to escape. He would just have to continue to remind her that she had done nothing wrong, and had only been trying to survive.
With a small stretch, Olivia reluctantly pushed herself away from the comforting circle of her partner's embrace. It wasn't that she necessarily wanted to move, but she knew if she didn't do something soon, the thoughts in her mind would only continue to snowball and run rapidly away from her, and that was the last thing she wanted.
"I think I'm going to grab that shower. I'll meet you downstairs in a little while, if that's okay?"
"Sounds good to me. Were you up to eating anything this morning, or are you not sure about that yet?"
Appreciative as always about the care and concern she was being shown, Olivia considered her answer carefully. Truth be told, she was a bit hungry, but she wasn't sure if she wanted a repeat of what she'd eaten in recent mornings. At the same time, trying to come up with ideas of what to consume seemed entirely too daunting.
"Maybe you could surprise me with something? I'm not in the mood for anything heavy, but I need a change of pace."
"I'll figure something out. I'm sure there is a recipe in our list that we haven't tried yet that will work."
Squeezing Elliot's hand, Olivia turned to the side and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, bringing herself to a sitting position. Gathering the items she'd need, she then padded into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Although things weren't perfect, Olivia was feeling marginally more like herself after her shower. Her time spent under the soothing spray had gone a long way in fortifying her spirit, and while she was still apprehensive about what the day could potentially hold, she had a more positive outlook than she'd had previously. As she made her way down the stairs, Olivia also reasoned that a cup of coffee would greatly improve her mood, along with whatever sort of breakfast her partner had managed to conjure up for her benefit.
As she reached the lower level and turned toward the kitchen, Olivia was unable to identify what Elliot had cooked by smell alone. The only thing she was able to recognize was the tantalizing aroma of fresh brewed coffee. In the end it was Fin who spied her first, as her partner was busy working at the stove, and the other man greeted her with a smile.
"Morning, Liv. Food will be ready shortly. If you want to grab a seat, I'll bring you over a cup of java in just a minute."
"Thanks, Fin."
Just a few moments after her friend had brought her a morning dose of caffeine – fixed just to her liking – Olivia was surprised for a second time as Elliot presented her with a plate that completely defied expectation. Not only had her partner managed to recreate the simple meal she'd enjoyed the last time they were at the diner, but he'd even gone above and beyond to elevate it. Sitting on the plate was a single slice of whole grain toast, spread thick with smashed avocado. It was topped with a perfectly poached egg that Olivia just knew would have a luscious running yolk the instant she pierced it with her fork. As if that weren't enough, the presentation was enhanced with shaved Parmesan and a sprinkling of fresh parsley. To accompany the dish were some wedges of heirloom tomato, seasoned with just the barest hint of salt and pepper.
"This looks amazing, El. Thank you."
"I hope its not too much. Just eat what you can. I was just trying to think of something different to make for you, and remembered how much you enjoyed that when we ate at the diner last."
"It's perfect."
Even though she was in the company of two men who she considered family, Olivia was still feeling self conscious enough that she didn't want to start eating until everyone else was also seated and had something for their breakfast as well. Thankfully, she didn't have to wait long, as both Fin and Elliot had anticipated exactly how she would feel. Apparently while Elliot was busy creating her food, Fin had been utilizing his own kitchen skills to make something. Ever mindful of avoiding Olivia's triggers, Fin had prepared English muffin breakfast sandwiches for himself and Elliot – without meat. With the trio together at the table, they all fell into a companionable silence as they enjoyed their morning meal. It wasn't until they were all almost done with eating that Fin spoke up.
"So, do we have any plans for today? Liv, were you needing to get out of the house at all? Or would you rather stay close to home and just wing it?"
"I'm thinking wing it. I hope by tomorrow I'll be able to get back to my usual routine of going for walks again, even if I don't necessarily make it to the gym."
Instead of the person who had initially asked the question, it was Elliot who answered.
"That sounds good, Liv. I know you already know this, but there is no need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Plus, if you do decide you want some fresh air, we always have the backyard and patio to retreat to."
"I like that idea."
Although she hadn't anticipated being able to finish everything on her plate, having underestimated the limitations of her appetite, Olivia was pleasantly surprised when she had eaten everything but a small piece of tomato that remained. Not that she had to worry about it going to waste – once Elliot noticed, and had confirmed she was, in fact, full, he reached over and speared it with his fork, making it disappear from sight completely.
"Thanks again for that, El. It was delicious. Don't let it boost your ego too much, but I'd even go so far as to say your version was better than the diner's."
Before Elliot had a chance to accept the compliment, Fin was chiming in with his own two cents.
"Don't tell him that, Liv. We'll never hear the end of it otherwise."
Laughing, Olivia couldn't resist the chance to tease her partner just a little – even though she still wanted to make sure he understood her praise.
"I have to give him something, Fin. Or else he'll give me that puppy dog look."
"You two do realize I'm still in the room, right?"
The moments of levity were exactly what Olivia had needed. Now that she was feeling fortified with a full stomach and bolstered up by the coffee – just enough caffeine to give her a boost, but not enough to contribute to her anxiety – she needed to do something to help. Ignoring the protests of the two men at the table, she insisted on handling the cleanup, arguing that it was only fair since they had tackled the more tedious chore of cooking. In the end, she won out, and the task didn't take her long at all. After tidying up and ensuring all the dishes were in the dishwasher, she suggested they move to the living room.
"I don't think I'm ready to watch anything just yet, but I could definitely use more comfortable surroundings. Plus, I have that appointment with Lydia in a little while that I almost forgot about. I won't want to disrupt either of you, so I'll likely go upstairs for that."
Elliot and Fin exchanged a glance, and Olivia held back her smile, as she could tell they were debating over which of them was going to answer her first. She could even imagine just what it was they were going to say, she had known it the instant her words had left her mouth. In the end, Elliot was the one to respond.
"Liv, I don't want you to worry about that. We're supposed to be doing whatever is necessary to make you feel comfortable, not the other way around. Have your session with Lydia wherever you want to, and know we'll give you whatever privacy you need."
"I know that El, and I love you both for it. But it seems silly to ask two people to displace themselves when I can simply go to my room. Plus, I'm still on the fence of whether or not I want you to sit in on the appointment anyway."
"If you decide you need me there, just say the word."
Reaching out her hand, Olivia squeezed Elliot's fingers with her own.
"I will. Until then, though, I just want to try and enjoy some quiet time."
"You've got it."
In the end, Olivia had ended up asking Elliot to join her for her appointment with Lydia. It all worked out for the best, as it was supposed to be a joint session anyway, even though nothing was truly written in stone, it was all based upon Olivia's needs and mood of the day. But, now that she was finally nearing the end of having relived the four days that were revisiting themselves in her mind, she truly valued having someone else she trusted present in case she lost her train of thought or needed additional help grounding herself should the memories become too all-consuming.
Together, the partners settled themselves on the bed that they had grown accustomed to sharing with one another, albeit still with separate covers. Even though Olivia had reached a point that she was certain that coming into contact with Elliot's form during the night would not be triggering for her, he still insisted on maintaining a respectful distance, not wanting to push her out of her comfort zone.
As they waited for the video call to connect, the two talked quietly among themselves, Olivia mentioning to Elliot that his earlier idea after breakfast about spending some time outdoors on the patio was starting to sound more and more appealing as the day wore on. So much so, in fact, that she was even considering the prospect of having their lunch picnic style as they had a few times in the past.
"That sounds great, Liv. If you want, I can even make that chicken salad that you like so much. Or, we could prepare it together. I know what it means to you to keep busy and help."
"I'd love that. Not sure how Fin would feel about that menu choice, but I also am aware he wouldn't want me to worry about it."
"You're right about that."
Before Olivia could say anything else, a soft chime sounded from her laptop, indicating that Lydia had joined the video session. The psychiatrist greeted the partners warmly as she always did, then directed her first question toward her patient, her voice exuding nothing but care and concern.
"How are you doing since we last spoke, Olivia?"
"I'm hanging in there. While it doesn't exactly seem real, I just have to make it through a few more hours, and I'll have survived the first anniversary of my trauma. I'm not going to pretend that it will get any easier from here, but it will definitely be a relief when it is over."
"I understand what you are trying to say. How has your appetite been? I remember when we met earlier in the week, you were struggling a bit, which makes perfect sense."
Even though she knew how she wanted to answer the question, Olivia still glanced over at Elliot. Maybe it was because she wanted his support and encouragement, maybe it was because she needed the validation that she hadn't been imagining the amount of food she'd been consuming lately as being a reasonable amount. Either way, her partner was able to read her perfectly, and gave her hand a subtle squeeze as he anticipated exactly what she needed and replied to Lydia on her behalf.
"Liv has been doing great. I can tell she's had some issues, but we've worked together on finding meals that aren't as overwhelming. Maybe the only thing I noticed was she was eating a few smaller portions than normal, but nothing that was concerning."
"That's good to hear."
Lydia knew what Olivia needed most out of this session was the opportunity to vent, there were just a few more things she needed to ask first.
"And the night terrors?"
"I could definitely do without those. Honestly, I think there are times when I have the dreams, but don't realize it. It's as if I'm not sure what exactly has woken me up, only that I know that my sleep has been disturbed. I just feel disoriented and anxious. Not that it is preferable, but I'd much rather not remember the horror of the dreams."
Hearing Olivia talk like that – even though it wasn't the first time he'd heard her admit as much – never failed to cause cracks in and around Elliot's heart. But he knew that this wasn't about him, it's why he had his own therapist now. They were working with Lydia together to repair the parts of their relationship that had been fractured when he left three years ago, not his own trauma – although it did seem sometimes that the two were somewhat related. However, Liv had enough to carry on her shoulders, especially now. It was why he had spent most of his session yesterday with Lauren talking about positive coping mechanisms when the urge for alcohol got too strong, and how to be a support system for his partner without hurting his own recovery in the process.
"Elliot?"
Realizing that he had spaced out completely, Elliot apologized for not having been paying attention. It didn't take him long to catch up, and he was relieved to learn that he hadn't missed that much of the conversation after all. As it turned out, Olivia had just wanted his help in explaining the feeling of unease she had felt the previous morning upon waking. What he hadn't been expecting the woman beside him to share – not that he minded – was the more intimate details between them, such as the fact that it was he who she was penning her journal entries to, and that they had shared an innocent bath together the night before.
"How do you feel about that, Olivia?"
"If I'm being honest, my emotions are conflicted. Not with what I feel toward Elliot – but my own internal issues. I know he would never push me for more before I am ready, it's just finding that delicate balance in terms of my own recovery and what I want as we become closer. Mostly, we've just been letting things happen organically, and I love that. No matter what does or doesn't happen between us, I'm confident in my trust for Elliot. We've come so far together already, and I know we're only going to continue to grow."
Again, Lydia was relieved to hear that Olivia wasn't trying to rush into things. The more she worked with the two partners – together as well as just with Olivia on her own – the more she understood the dynamic between them and just how close they really were. It did seem as though they were two halves of the same whole, and whether or not they ever became romantic, that bond would be something that forever connected them. Knowing just how much a strong support system mattered to those in trauma recovery, Lydia was glad that Olivia had that in spades.
"Is there anything else that you need to address today, Olivia? I know you are likely feeling overwhelmed, but was there something specific you wanted to work on or talk about?"
Drawing her lower lip into her mouth, Olivia worried it between her teeth for a few seconds as she tried to formulate a response. She knew what it was she wanted to say, it was just trying to put it into a sentence that made sense. The moment she felt Elliot link his fingers with hers, she felt her confidence bolstered, and took a deep breath before speaking the words in her mind and heart.
"Mainly just trying to deal with what I remember most of what I had to do in order to escape. No matter how many times Elliot or anyone else reminds me that I wasn't a cop in that moment, and I was only trying to do what I needed in order to survive, I can't seem to get over the fact that I let my rage get the better of me. There is a part of my mind that tells me it makes me as much of a monster as Lewis was."
Elliot was about to refute what his partner had said, but before he had a chance, Lydia beat him to it.
"I can understand why you'd feel that way, Olivia. It's a perfectly normal reaction, but I also know you see the logic behind it. Even if your experience in SVU didn't tell you otherwise, you'd know that you were reacting on pure adrenaline and emotion in that moment, and nothing more. It doesn't make you a monster, it makes you human."
Long after the session had ended, Olivia sat with the words her therapist had uttered ringing in her ears. Even though Elliot – and even Fin – had told her basically the same thing on repeated occasions, somehow it just resonated differently today. She wasn't going to say that she was ready to forgive herself just yet, but she was certainly a step or two closer to letting go of the guilt she carried.
Currently, Olivia was taking advantage of some alone time, and writing in her journal, penning yet another entry that her partner may or may not eventually read. Somehow it was easier to put the words down on the page when she imagined she was pouring out her heart and soul to Elliot as opposed to trying to free her mind for the sake of her own well being. Immensely grateful that she had been given some space to sort through her thoughts and process what had happened in therapy, Olivia planned to join the two men downstairs again shortly, already looking forward to the lunch of chicken salad that her partner had promised her earlier.
Finishing up the sentence that she was writing, Olivia closed the small leather bound book and placed it back in her nightstand drawer. She wasn't worried about an invasion of privacy – she knew Elliot would never overstep that boundary. Rather, it was more of wanting to not have her small bedside space cluttered that prompted her to keep the journal hidden out of sight.
After a quick stop in the bathroom to freshen up, Olivia headed downstairs, allowing her appetite to lead her in the direction of the kitchen, where she knew she'd find her partner getting ready to prepare the afternoon meal, if he wasn't already in the process of doing so already. To her surprise, Elliot was on his own, Fin nowhere to be seen. It was then that Olivia learned that their friend had stepped out for a bit, having borrowed Elliot's car yet again to run a few errands.
"Hey, El. Need some help with lunch?"
"Of course. Are you still wanting that chicken salad I mentioned earlier? If so, I can put you to work cutting up the grapes that go in it."
"Sounds good to me."
The two partners positioned themselves side by side at the island, working in tandem as they cut up the necessary ingredients. As they went along, Olivia voiced a theory to Elliot that had been in her mind ever since Fin's cryptic comment the other day.
"Is it just me, or do you think Fin's up to something suspicious? I mean, surely he wouldn't be that mysterious about renting a car, would he?"
"I'm glad you said something, because I was thinking the same thing. I just didn't want to say anything, for fear you'd think I was losing my mind."
"If you are, then that means I am, too. He's definitely up to something. The only question is – what?"
"I'm sure we'll find out sooner as opposed to later. One thing is for certain though, he'd never do anything that would upset you."
That was something Olivia knew definitively, too. However, it still didn't stop her from racking her brain trying to figure out just what her friend could be planning. She knew he had every intention of returning to the city eventually. It also made sense that the surprise wouldn't be Don, because her former Captain was still out at sea. But the possibility of it being one of her other friends was more likely. Now that she was getting beyond the point of constantly feeling overwhelmed by the emotions brought on by her trauma anniversary, Olivia welcomed the idea of seeing another familiar face. She may not yet be ready to return to the place she once called home, but that didn't mean she didn't miss the people she had left behind.
Once Olivia had finished with her part in halving grapes and chopping apples for the chicken salad, and confident that Elliot didn't need her help with anything else, she moved on to make a pitcher of iced tea so they would have something to drink with their lunch. She had just finished mixing the beverage when Elliot was plating their chicken salad, along with a side of assorted vegetables and dip.
"Did you still want to eat outside, Liv?"
"Yes, please. It looks like such a lovely day out, I'd love to get some fresh air."
"You've got it."
Once settled outdoors on the patio furniture – each in what had become their respective places – Olivia and Elliot tucked into the food on their plates. Grateful that her partner had still kept her portion small and manageable, Olivia enjoyed what had long since become a favorite. She was also relieved that there was no pressure for conversation, and that the two of them could be equally comfortable with the silence as they were in talking with one another.
When she was finished with her plate, Olivia set it down on the table in front of her, then pulled her knees up against her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. The posture was a protective one, but she wasn't trying to shut anyone out. It simply was how she felt most at ease at the moment. She was also trying to stay in tune with her body, and figure out if she wanted something sweet, or if she was too full to consume anything else. The last thing she was expecting was for her phone to ring – and even though a few days had passed since the unwelcome message that Bronwyn had been responsible for, Olivia couldn't help but tense up as she glanced at the offending device, as though willing it to silence itself. Thankfully, Elliot was perceptive as always, and intervened just when she needed him most.
"Did you need me to take a look at that, Liv?"
"Please."
Reaching for the cell, Elliot studied the display, a smile gracing his features immediately. Handing the still ringing phone to the woman by his side, he reassured her with two simple words.
"It's Owen."
Relieved to learn that it was only her friend and neighbor trying to get in touch, Olivia hastily grabbed the phone and swiped her finger across the screen.
"Hello?"
"Olivia, hey. I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're still probably dealing with a lot right now. But I wanted to check in again, and ask if you possibly were interested in having a cooking lesson either tomorrow or the day after. Obviously, there is no rush to commit, but I remembered how much you appreciate having the distraction, and I thought you might be in need of one."
Deeply touched, Olivia didn't hesitate in her response.
"Tomorrow would be great, and you're absolutely right. After the past few days, I could definitely use the chance to get out of my head and into the kitchen with some new recipes and lessons. I've missed them."
"You've got it. I have the next two days off, as I pulled a couple of double shifts this week, but would it work for you if I came over sometime around mid to late morning tomorrow?"
"That sounds great. See you then."
Ending the call, Olivia shifted her position so she was leaning on her partner. As he always did when she reclined against him, Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders.
"So, cooking lesson tomorrow, huh?"
"Yup. I'm looking forward to it. As always, you're welcome to stay."
"Maybe. I may try and go to a meeting tomorrow, or even hit the gym. Of course, once you're feeling up to it, we can go again together, I know you'll want to swim more laps at the pool eventually."
Nodding, Olivia draped her arm over her partner's stomach and snuggled even closer. When she felt Elliot's lips brush against her hair, she visibly relaxed even more. After the week of hell she'd endured, getting back to what was her normal routine would certainly feel wonderful.
By the time Fin returned later that afternoon, Olivia was more suspicious than ever that her friend was up to something. The only issue was she just couldn't seem to figure out exactly what the man had up his sleeve. Instinct told her that he was going to surprise her with a visit from another friend, and even with her mental state in emotional upheaval, the prospect of seeing someone she cared for deeply again was thrilling.
However, something else that was increasing Olivia's curiosity was the fact that she now believed that whatever the secret was, Elliot was in on it as well. There was a part of her that was tempted to interrogate her partner, and she probably would have gone through with it, if only she thought it would get her anywhere. But if thirteen years working side by side with Elliot had taught her anything, it was that he never talked about anything that he didn't want to. No matter how open the communication between them had become, if he and Fin were determined to surprise her with something, both men would certainly get their way. Even their mutual fear of her wouldn't stop them from seeing their plans through to fruition – especially if they each believed what they were doing was for her benefit.
Currently waging an internal battle of the restlessness in her mind and body, Olivia was struggling with what to do with herself. Sitting outside had helped tremendously, but there was still a part of her that was feeling agitated, and while she knew she wasn't in the mood to set foot outside the house, she needed to do something to burn off the excess energy.
Suddenly realizing what it was she needed, Olivia got to her feet and headed back inside in search of her partner. Elliot had offered to keep sitting with her, but she had asked for some more time alone to sort her thoughts, and as always, he had acquiesced to her request for space. But now, with the idea formulating in her mind, she would need his help to carry out what would hopefully help purge the excess stress that was still stirring within her bones.
"Hey, El?"
"Yeah, Liv?"
"How do you feel about a sparring session?"
With a knowing grin, Elliot set down the tablet that had been in his hands and got to his feet. Walking over to where Olivia stood, he rested his palms on her shoulders and pressed his lips against her forehead.
"I'll go grab the equipment. Or, would you rather do that, while I move the furniture out of the way in the living room?"
"Actually, I thought maybe we could do our workout outside today?"
"Of course. Wherever you feel most comfortable. Why don't you grab us a couple bottles of water, and I'll meet you out there in a few minutes, unless you needed to change?"
Olivia shook her head, indicating that she was fine as she was. Turning on her heel, she headed in the direction of the kitchen to snag some water so that she and Elliot could stay hydrated, and tried to work out in her mind how to best ask her partner to not take it easy on her today.
As she stood in the center of the small yard, lost in her thoughts, Elliot's approach was not lost on Olivia. Therefore, she wasn't the least bit startled when he announced his presence behind her. Greeting the man with a smile, she walked back to the patio to suit up in her sparring gear, pulling the elastic band off her wrist on her way and sweeping her hair up and out of her face to secure in a ponytail.
"Thanks, El. I appreciate this. I'm just feeling restless."
"Liv, you don't have to thank me. I've told you, whatever you need, I'm here to help you."
Buckling the strap of her protective helmet under her chin, Olivia allowed Elliot to help her with her gloves.
"I'm glad you said that, because there's something else I'm going to need you to do."
"Anything."
As her partner got into position and Olivia squared off against him, right after she landed her first punch, she voiced her request.
"Fight me. I need a real give and take again, not just me letting out my frustrations on you. I want a moving target, something to work against."
"You've got it, Liv. You have always been my best sparring partner. One of the few who could go toe-to-toe with me. I look forward to the challenge. All I ask is that you don't hold back either."
"Never."
Even though they had performed this particular exercise just the other day, Olivia felt a sense of exhilaration in engaging with Elliot in this way. Despite all the internal conflict raging within her, a part of her mind traveled back in time several years, and she found herself in the precinct gym, facing off against her partner as they worked out the tensions between them on a particularly difficult case where they just couldn't seem to find the answers. Lifting weights had always been Elliot's method of stress relief, sparring was hers – and her male counterpart could always be relied upon to be a ready and willing opponent. What better person to engage in a veritable battle of not only wills – but also physical strength – against than a man she trusted implicitly above all else?
Momentarily distracted by her wandering mind, Olivia was unprepared by Elliot's sharp jab to her ribs. Surprised by the blow, but not triggered in the least, she quickly recovered and brushed off the apology before her partner could even speak it into existence. In the same vein, she returned with a punch of her own, landing a solid blow to Elliot's solar plexus.
"I guess that answers my question as to whether or not you're okay. Nice recovery, Liv."
"Shut up and keep fighting me."
"Yes, ma'am."
Another swift hit had Elliot immediately regretting his last words, just as he knew he would.
"Yeah, I shouldn't have said that."
"You think?"
The two had been sparring together for a solid twenty minutes, and even though she had already worked up a considerable sweat, and her muscles were starting to show their fatigue, Olivia had no intention of giving in just yet. Working out was just too cathartic, and while she was starting to grow weary, she was not yet at the point of exhaustion. Plus, she knew Elliot wouldn't let her overtax herself unnecessarily.
"Just let me know when you need to stop or take a break, Liv."
As always, he had read her mind. While she wasn't ready to quit, Olivia did have to admit that a brief break did sound appealing.
"I could use a breather. Maybe a drink of water."
"No problem."
After half a bottle of water – which was still pleasantly cold, and some adequate time to rest and regroup, Olivia was ready to go another round. Her rules for the second bout were the same as the first – she wanted Elliot to be an equally matched opponent, and for her partner to give her a fair fight. More than willing to oblige with whatever Olivia needed, Elliot's only concern was that she didn't overtax herself, but he saw no signs of that being the case, only a headstrong determination and fierce need to expel some of the demons that had been haunting her the past few days.
Elliot also couldn't deny that this type of sparring with Liv had been a boost to his own spirit as well. So many times he had felt so lost with how to best be of help, only to feel like he was completely failing because he couldn't provide an instant fix – even though Elliot knew in his heart that wasn't what Olivia wanted from him. During the times she was a shoulder for him to lean on, it wasn't what he expected from her, either. But his instinct to shelter and protect was strong, and not something he could turn off easily, which made it all the more difficult to maintain such a passive role sometimes. That was why, when Olivia asked him for a fight, he was all too willing to give her one.
Caught off guard by his wandering thoughts, Elliot was totally surprised by an upper cut to his jaw that he hadn't been able to properly protect himself from. As a result, the sparring helmet had kept him from harm, but the angle of the punch had caused Olivia's wrist to bend itself awkwardly. It was the worst possible thing that could have happened, as the twinge of pain that transpired because of that particular chain of events sent her spiraling headlong into the worst sort of flashback – only to be compounded by the memories of what had occurred exactly one year ago today.
Quickly divesting himself of his gear, Elliot was desperate to break through whatever horror had captured hold of his partner's mind, but he was also able to recognize that he may not be the best person to help her. If she was trapped once again in the living hell of her final moments with William Lewis when she had broken free, he hadn't been a part of her life then. That had nothing to do with his guilt, but was merely a matter of fact. But all hope was not lost, as someone was here at the cottage who had been there for Olivia when she needed him most. Not wanting to attract any unnecessary attention, Elliot hurried to grab his cell phone off the table on the patio, and quickly sent a message to Fin. He knew the man was just inside the house, but he didn't want to leave Olivia on her own for anything.
"I'm here, Liv. It's Elliot, its El. Fin is on his way. He's coming and he's bringing my cologne. That should help ground you, then we can get that stuff off you. I don't know if you can hear me, but just try and keep breathing. You're not alone, you're safe."
For how fast Fin appeared in the backyard, Elliot reasoned the man had either miraculously managed to teleport himself from wherever he had previously been, or by fate's design already been somewhere nearby. At any rate, he didn't hesitate to go directly to Olivia's side, and though the woman had already been responding by some small degree to Elliot's voice, it was when she heard something that to her disoriented mental state was even more familiar that she began to acknowledge who she was with.
"Fin. Fin, I hit him. I think he's dead."
"Don't worry about that, I've got you. I'll take care of everything. Is it all right if I touch you? You've got some things on your head and hands, is it okay if I help you take them off?"
"Please."
As Fin gently helped free Olivia from her helmet and gloves, Elliot stood nearby, and spritzed some of his cologne in her direction. He made certain to stay within his partner's field of vision at all times, even if she wasn't necessarily seeing him at the moment. It was only when another comment from his friend was spoken that his concern ratcheted up another degree.
"You're favoring your wrist. Are you hurt, Liv?"
"I think it's broken. I just couldn't stop hitting him. I couldn't let him get up. It was him or me."
The two men exchanged a glance, both thinking the same thing. Neither knew for certain whether or not Olivia had actually injured herself, or if she was merely experiencing phantom pain as a result of the flashback she had been thrust into reliving. But it wasn't as if they could subject her to any sort of exam – not without traumatizing her further. Thankfully, the brunette was still engaging in conversation, and even if a part of her mind was trapped in the past, there was still a part of her that was coherent.
"Please tell me you have some water. I haven't had any for so long. All he would give me was alcohol and pills. He forced them down my throat."
"Of course."
Needing to do something to help, Elliot snagged one of the fresh bottles of water that Fin had had the presence of mind to bring with him. His intent had been only to pass it over so he wouldn't startle Olivia, but as he approached, it appeared to spurn another sort of reaction from the woman kneeling on the ground.
"El? Is that you? I knew you'd come for me. I told Lewis what you'd do to him if you found out."
Elliot didn't think his heart could break any more than it already had, but he immediately put the brakes on whatever emotions were threatening to run away from him. He couldn't fall apart, not when Olivia needed him more than ever. He may not have been there for her then, but he would damn sure be here for her now.
"It's me, Liv. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner."
With a sob, Olivia threw her arms around her partner, burying her nose in the crook between his neck and shoulder. His answering embrace was nowhere near as restrictive, but most definitely supportive, and Elliot held Olivia's shaking form against his body as she bathed his skin with her tears.
The more time that passed, the more that Olivia gradually came back to herself. While she didn't remember everything that had just happened, she was aware that she had lapsed into the past, and that however bad the flashback had been, it had been one of her worst ones to date. Given the timing of everything, it made sense, and as she shifted, the slight twinge in her wrist reminded her of what had triggered the downward spiral in the first place. Despite her best efforts, Olivia was unable to hide her soft gasp of pain, something that both men immediately picked up on. Elliot, however, was the first to call her out.
"Liv? Are you hurt?"
"I don't think it's anything serious. More like I just tweaked my wrist landing that last punch. It's not going to stop me from sparring in the future, I'm just going to have to be more mindful of how I throw my punches. You're a lot more solid than you used to be."
Easily recognizing the personal dig – that was equally a compliment - at the way he'd maintained his physique over the years they'd been apart, Elliot couldn't hide his grin. He knew that the comment was also Olivia's way of deflecting the attention off of herself, but he understood why.
"Maybe if you didn't throw such lethal punches, we wouldn't be in this mess, either."
"Noted. Just get me off the ground, please."
Getting to his feet, Elliot held out his hand, knowing that now more than ever, Olivia needed to take back control and get up under her own power. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Fin was gathering the scattered equipment and bagging it up, leaving the two partners some personal space.
"I'm guessing you're going to want to shower, not to mention have some time to yourself to decompress. Why don't you take as long as you need, then whenever you're ready, we can sort out dinner?"
"I like the sound of that."
To Olivia, it felt as though she had been under the spray of the of the water for an endless amount of time. She knew she was avoiding leaving the shower, she just couldn't bring herself to get out of the tub and dry off, even though the water had already started to cool several minutes ago. It wasn't how she had planned this particular part of her post workout routine to go – as it was something she typically rushed through. No matter how much she tried to deny it to herself, she knew she was putting off having to face the two men downstairs for as long as possible. But Olivia was aware of one thing, and that was she couldn't remain where she was forever. Even if she didn't leave the bedroom just yet, she had to at least make the small step of leaving the bathroom.
Once she had toweled dry and completed her skin care routine – trying to ignore the fact that her scars seemed more prominent today than usual – Olivia found something for herself to wear. The fact that she had chosen articles of clothing belonging to her partner were not lost on her, but that was one area where her self confidence wasn't actually failing her. If Olivia knew anything for certain – it was that neither Fin nor Elliot would judge her based on her attire, and both would gladly volunteer any part of their own wardrobes to ensure her comfort.
The one aspect that Olivia could not overlook any longer was the discomfort in her wrist. It wasn't yet at the point where she felt she would need medical attention, but if she wanted to avoid spiraling headfirst into another flashback, she might need to at least take something to combat the pain. Thankfully, the existence of liquid Tylenol here in the house would make that possible.
As much as she wanted to remain hidden, Olivia knew that option wasn't wise. Isolation was the last thing she needed right now, and while some time on her own to regroup had been just the right measure of solitude, locking herself away from Fin and Elliot would only make her feel worse instead of better. Steeling her resolve, Olivia steadied her breathing, and wrapped her fingers around the doorknob, knowing now more than ever, she had to head back downstairs.
Even though she was well aware that an interrogation wasn't waiting for on the lower level, Olivia was still having difficulty quelling the feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach. Belatedly, she was also able to recognize that part of that sensation might actually be hunger, even if on a more cognizant level her appetite wasn't as on board with the idea of food as it had been earlier in the day. More on her list of necessary requirements at the moment was obtaining something for pain relief – if not for the discomfort that still lingered in her wrist, then for the dull headache that was starting to throb alongside her left temple.
"Hey, Liv. How was your shower?"
Olivia loved how Elliot knew well enough than to ask whether or not she was feeling better. That was such a loaded question at the moment, one she wasn't even certain she knew the answer to herself. Instead, he had phrased his concern in a way to show just how much he cared without prying too deep beneath the surface.
"It was great. I just hope you were able to get one, too. I realized too late that I may have used the majority of the hot water."
"Don't worry about me. You'll remember I once lived in a house with five kids."
Unable to stop the laughter that bubbled forth from her lips despite the turmoil still fighting for dominance within her, Olivia tipped her head forward to lean against her partner's chest. Relaxing the moment she felt Elliot's strong arms enfold her in a gentle embrace, she was about to broach the topic of food when her traitorous stomach was one step ahead and rumbled loudly. With the way he was still holding her, Olivia was able to feel Elliot's chuckle before it reached her ears, accompanied only by the soft touch of his lips against her hair.
"I guess I should feed you, huh?"
"Maybe."
The sound of a clearing throat captured both partner's attention, and they turned as a unit to face Fin, who had also just joined them in the kitchen.
"Not to interrupt, but I wanted to suggest an idea. I was thinking, Liv, that you might prefer some take out tonight instead of having to try and decide on a menu plan. How does Chinese sound?"
"I love that idea."
Let me know what you want, and I'll phone the order in. Stabler, consider this your lucky day – it's my treat."
A twinge of pain reminded Olivia of one of the other main reasons she had come downstairs, and she turned to her partner, knowing he would remember better than she where the liquid Tylenol was kept.
"Hey, El? Can you get me some Tylenol, please? My wrist is still bothering me a little, and I want to take something before this headache that is starting gets any worse."
"Of course. Did you want some ice, too?"
Olivia's first instinct was to refuse, but the more she considered it, she realized it wouldn't be such a bad idea. Feeling her hand being gently turned as Elliot tenderly examined her wrist for any signs of bruising or swelling, she was just getting ready to argue when his next words completely put her at ease once more.
"I know you're not in the mood to go anywhere, so I'm not even going to say anything about a doctor. I don't even think anything is wrong, I think it's just as you said, you tweaked it with an awkward punch. But, how does this sound – if it's still bothering you tomorrow, we ask Owen to take a look just to make sure he doesn't think you need an x-ray or any kind of support brace?"
"I can live with that."
After bringing over the necessary pain relief, and mindful of the fact that today of all days, Olivia would particularly need to see him pouring the medicine from the manufacturer's bottle, Elliot returned the Tylenol to it's rightful place in the cabinet. On the way back to his partner, he snagged one of the soft cloth ice packs along with a bottle of water, and suggested they migrate to the living room for a more comfortable setting. Fin followed along close behind, with a menu to the local Chinese restaurant in hand.
Once the group had made their choices, Fin excused himself to make the call for their food – something that struck Olivia as unusual, but nothing she was going to waste time dwelling on. What she wanted now, more than anything, was to curl up with Elliot and get lost in one of the mindless shows they watched together. The coping mechanisms of distraction were going to be essential in helping her get through the remaining hours of the day until nightfall, when she would hopefully be able to get some semblance of sleep.
Olivia was so entirely focused on allowing Elliot's proximity to ground her and trying to concentrate on what was playing out on the television screen across the room that she barely noticed when Fin returned. Nor did she see the surreptitious glance the other man shared with her partner before settling in his own seat. It was only when a phone chimed some time later that her suspicions became all too apparent once more.
"That will just be the food, Liv. I told them to text when they got here."
As though having just realized something incredibly important, Olivia turned at the waist to face her friend.
"Fin, the Chinese place in town doesn't deliver. What exactly are you up to? Who is here?"
"Why don't you go to the door and find out?"
Unsure as to whether or not she wanted to satisfy her curiosity or strangle the man who was looking at her with something akin to a smirk on his face, Olivia ultimately opted for the former. Pushing herself to her feet, she padded over to the door, knowing that no matter who was on the other side, they wouldn't cause her harm. When she swung the door open, she staggered back as a surprised gasp left her body, and the tears immediately began welling up. There, standing in front of her, was none other than John Munch.
"Hey there, Liv. Got time to share some dinner with an old friend?"
Luckily for Olivia, Elliot wasn't too far behind her. Her partner quickly intercepted the bag that was in Munch's hands, easily allowing the older man the ability to wrap the brunette in an embrace. Much like Fin, John Munch was a man who was not outwardly demonstrative with his affection, but the soft spot he carried for Olivia had always been obvious.
"It's all right, Olivia. I'm not going anywhere. Not yet, anyway. Fin called for reinforcements to help get his ass back to the city, and I have been wanting to come and see you anyway. Seemed like a perfect excuse as any to make the trip."
As though just becoming aware they were still standing in the doorway, Olivia brushed away the lone tear that was threatening to fall and took Munch by the hand. Pulling him into the residence, she turned to face the other men, and it was then that she noticed that she wasn't the only one overcome by emotion at the reunion. Needing a change of subject, Olivia opted to delegate, so they would all have a moment to collect themselves.
"El? How about you and Fin grab some plates and drinks? I think a more casual setting is appropriate for tonight, so we can all just sit here in the living room while we eat. John, I'm sure you'll want to freshen up a bit after your drive. Let me show you where you'll be staying."
John gave a smile, and looped his arm around Olivia's shoulder, walking with her across the room before allowing her to precede him up the staircase. Even though neither he nor Fin had said a word, neither of them had missed the unspoken communication between the partners. There would be no problem whatsoever in John using the room that had previously belonged to Elliot – aside from a few basic items, most of his things now resided in the master bedroom anyway. He had only avoided officially moving in completely out of respect for Olivia, and still utilized the guest bath to ensure that he didn't encroach on her personal space.
After showing Munch where he would be sleeping during his stay, Olivia returned downstairs alone, knowing John would be joining them again in just a few minutes. She bypassed Elliot, even though there was no doubt that her partner had been involved to some degree, because what had just happened was the result of one man and one man alone, and that was Fin. Not even caring how much Fin would protest, Olivia wrapped her arms around her friend, whispering her words of thanks into his ear.
Pulling back, Olivia took a moment to compose herself, then offered to help finish getting things together, only to be told everything was already taken care of. Not willing to argue, she headed into the living room to make herself comfortable. The trio of men soon followed, and the group effortlessly fell into the easy camaraderie they once shared when they all worked together. Food was passed around, and although her appetite still wasn't at one hundred percent, Olivia found herself eating heartily. Fin had been right about one thing – this was exactly what she had needed tonight, a meal that she didn't have to stress over. Not to mention, Chinese always tasted better when shared with friends.
"How long are you planning on staying, John?"
"I don't want to intrude – and before you say I could never do that, I'm well aware that you would always consider me welcome. I just know how much you also need your space. I thought I'd stay for a day or two, then drive this one back to the city with me."
As he had spoken, Munch had gestured with his thumb toward Fin, and already Olivia could envision what an adventure that particular road trip would be for them.
"Well, as long as you don't leave early on my account. But I do understand that Fin will need to get back to work. Just don't be strangers – either of you."
"Of course not."
When they were done eating, Olivia wanted to help clean up, still feeling some nervous energy that she needed to burn off, but not only was there not much to deal with, but her wrist was still bothering her somewhat. Not wanting to push her limits, she decided to rest, knowing she'd need to have both hands in working order come tomorrow morning when Owen came by to give her a cooking lesson. Suddenly, a wave of self-consciousness swept over, as Olivia tried to reason whether or not continuing with her lesson would be considered rude. Unfortunately, she had once again adopted her new habit of speaking out loud when she least intended to, only to be reassured by all three of the men in the room at once. Elliot was the first to speak.
"Don't worry about me, Liv. Like I told you earlier, I'll probably be taking in a meeting and then spending some time at the gym, and as for these two knuckleheads, I know they wouldn't want you to change your plans for their benefit, either."
Munch was next to say something.
"While I take offense at being called a knucklehead, I have to agree with Elliot. I didn't come here for you to entertain me, I came to see you. I'm sure Fin and I can find something to occupy ourselves for a few hours while you have your lesson. The last thing I'd ever want is you impeding your own recovery."
Olivia opened her mouth to argue, then immediately thought better of it. There was no doubt that Owen's lessons had helped her recovery greatly, in more ways than one. They had provided her with a creative outlet that she hadn't even realized she had needed, and the recipes her friend and neighbor tended to select often had their own therapeutic attributes to them.
"Okay, you win. I certainly can't debate all three of you. All I ask is that when you do come back, it's with full stomachs, because Owen and I will likely have lunch ready."
Though he hadn't said anything as of yet on the subject, Fin took this opportunity to speak his piece.
"From the sounds of things, Liv, I think that means that we're the ones who will win. I've had your cooking more than once since I've been here, and I can't wait to see what you and Owen come up with tomorrow."
Knowing nothing more needed to be said, Olivia allowed herself to relax, leaning against Elliot while Fin and John took care of cleanup. When everyone was together again in the living room, she passed the remote to Munch, insisting that he pick something, knowing full well that they were all about to be subjected to a documentary riddled with conspiracy theories, but welcoming the chaos nonetheless. It reminded her of simpler times, back when the four of them all worked together, and she needed to surround herself with those memories now more than ever. As nightfall drew closer, and the end of her four day anniversary was almost complete, there was still the chance that nightmares would follow her into her slumber, so Olivia wanted to have as much familiarity as she could.
The rest of the evening had gone remarkably well. In addition to being drawn into the program Munch had chosen for them, Olivia had also found herself enjoying a rousing few hands of poker with her friends, and she'd had a great time beating them all. Now, though, she could delay the inevitable no longer, not if she wanted to maintain any semblance of the schedule she'd created for herself. Not to mention, she had a cooking lesson waiting for her come morning, and she'd need as much rest as possible so she could participate.
After bidding Fin and Munch goodnight, and reminding the latter that he was to make himself at home, Olivia headed upstairs to prepare for her nightly bath, knowing Elliot would be following close behind. Even though she hadn't yet asked her partner to join her again tonight, she knew he was already willing at the very least to keep her company by staying close by and remaining in the bedroom while she completed her bedtime rituals.
Having already moved a few additional of his personal belongings into the master bedroom for the duration of John's stay, Elliot was even more ready to share the space with Olivia at her insistence. He still worried about encroaching on her privacy, and was determined to be as respectful as possible, no matter how much things were shifting between them. Elliot was well aware that no matter how much Olivia was healing, she was in no way ready for a physical or intimate relationship – she had even admitted as much in the session with Lydia earlier today. That didn't mean he couldn't remain as emotionally devoted to her as he ever had, however. The one thing he had stressed after his partner's powerful statement to the psychiatrist was that he wasn't going anywhere. His affection didn't come with conditions, and it never would.
When he entered the bedroom, Elliot found Olivia sitting the edge of her side of the bed, facing the bathroom. For all outward appearances, it would seem that the woman was daydreaming, staring off into space, but he knew differently. His partner was deep in thought, and he was willing to bet his next pension check that he could guess exactly what was troubling her. Deciding to take a chance in the hopes that it would ease whatever tumult was going on in the depths of Olivia's mind, Elliot voiced a suggestion aloud, hoping that he was reading the situation correctly.
"So, Liv – were you wanting company again like last night, or would you prefer to enjoy your bath by yourself?"
The expression on Olivia's face told Elliot that his theory had been right on the money. Her eyes had widened almost imperceptibly, only for her features to immediately soften as the overwhelming emotion took over as she acknowledged just what the gesture meant to her.
"Some company would be great. But only if you don't mind. I hate to be a bother, but its just that the thoughts in my head are entirely too loud."
"You're not a bother, and you never could be. Why don't you let me grab my suit out of the bathroom, and then I'll let you get changed in there, and I'll change out here?"
Olivia nodded her consent, and moved to grab something suitable for sleeping in after she was done. If Elliot noticed that his partner was pilfering more items from his wardrobe, he made no mention of it. When he stepped out of the bathroom a few moments later, swim trunks in hand, he gestured toward the place he had just vacated.
"All yours, Liv. I already started the water in the tub, and don't worry, I didn't forget to add the lavender and chamomile bath foam you like so much. The only thing I didn't do was light any of the LED candles, because I wasn't sure what kind of lighting you wanted tonight. Also, I'll leave the music selection up to you, too."
"Thanks, El. I won't take long to change."
Even with the reassurances, Olivia wasn't entirely convinced. She spent most of her time alone in the bathroom changing as quickly as possible, internally berating herself for her shortcomings. Not only was she not comfortable enough with her own skin to bear her body to another human being – one she cared for deeply, even – but her confidence was still so badly shaken that she couldn't even manage the simple act of relaxing on her own in the bath without needing to ask for help.
So lost was Olivia in her own self loathing, that she hadn't even realized that she'd opened the door again. Not until she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her, securing her in a gentle but firm embrace. It was only when her partner's soothing timbre reached her ear's that she was able to settle completely.
"Easy, Liv. I know this isn't easy. There isn't any part of this that is easy. But you've got to allow yourself a little grace. Yes, these past few days have been hell, but you've almost made it through to the other side. Don't let the voice of doubt make you second guess yourself now."
No matter how much she hated to admit it, Olivia knew Elliot was right. It was always so much easier giving grace to others, but pure hell when it came to showing that same consideration to herself. Her partner was similar. It was one of the many ways they were alike – cut from the same cloth, two halves of the same whole. Both of them would bend over backwards to ensure that someone else saw the best parts of themselves, hell, they'd each done it often enough on the job. Yet, in treating themselves with the same kindness, they each failed miserably. Maybe it was a good thing they had one another now to remind themselves of what they couldn't do on their own.
"Okay, El. I hear you."
Satisfied with that response, Elliot took Olivia's hand in his own and guided her toward the tub.
"Come on, let's get you that soak you so enjoy before the water gets cold."
Once the pair were settled in the bath, assuming the same positions as the night prior, it dawned on Elliot that Olivia hadn't selected any music. Figuring that his partner preferred silence, he waited for her to speak, deciding that if any conversations were going to happen between them, it would be only if she initiated them first.
"Hey, El?"
"Yeah?"
Olivia leaned back, allowing her head to rest against Elliot's chest. In deference to his partners increased agitation this evening, he had opted to keep his tee shirt on along with his swim trunks, even if she had been completely fine with him having been topless the night before.
"I know you want to go to a meeting and the gym tomorrow, but do you think we could still find the time to go for a walk at some point? I've really missed them."
"Of course. I won't be heading out that early, so we can easily grab a walk before I leave. Maybe before breakfast, than eat something light?"
"I like the sound of that."
It seemed that question served as a catalyst to help Olivia to talk, as she only opened up more after that. Maybe it also was beneficial that she didn't have to look Elliot in the eye as she spoke, but the words just wouldn't stop pouring out. Everything from her opinions on the therapy appointment earlier that morning with Lydia to the surprise arrival of John Munch that evening were all discussed. Olivia talked so much that Elliot began to wonder how his partner's mouth didn't dry out. But he would never dissuade her from speaking, anything that helped, he would listen to. It was only when the water began to cool that he interrupted, merely suggesting that they dry off and get changed for bed.
"You can keep talking to me there as long as you want, Liv. I just don't want you to catch a chill."
"No, I'm good. If I go on for much longer, I definitely won't be able to sleep. What I need now is a cup of my favorite tea and some mindless television to help turn my brain off so I don't think anymore tonight."
Pressing a kiss to the back of Olivia's head, Elliot got to his feet.
"Now, that, I can do."
The pair followed a similar pattern as they had the night before, with Olivia drawing the curtain so they could both strip off their wet swimsuits while in the same room. Once Elliot was dried off and dressed again, he let his partner know the space was all hers again, and promised to return shortly with her tea – as well as a final dose of Tylenol to ensure the discomfort in her wrist didn't return while she slept. Only then did she exit and don the clothes she had selected. Padding back into the bedroom, she took her nighttime medicine, and crawled under the covers, propping her back up against the headboard. When Elliot came into the room a moment later, she had just found something for them to watch.
Half an hour later, the credits were rolling, and an empty mug sat on Olivia's nightstand. As for the brunette in question, she was curled up against her partner, who held her closely. As Elliot watched Olivia sleep, he said a prayer, hoping that now that she had successfully made it through these four days, there would only be positivity in her future. Granted, it wouldn't all be sunshine and rainbows all the time – no recovery process ever was – but if anyone ever deserved happiness, it was Olivia Benson. She just had to remember his advice and allow herself a little grace.