I want to thank all of the wonderful support I've received on and WattPad. You guys are awesome! I only hope I can continue to meet your expectations. As always, criticisms are just as welcome as praise. I only yearn to become a better writer and do the characters that I love justice.
Byleth had noticed an increasing presence of knights patrolling the monastery as of late. It made him uncomfortable.
He ascended the stairs and made his way to the second floor of the students' quarters. Whatever had the Knights of Seiros on edge, he had no intentions of letting his students' safety drop down the list of priorities.
"Ugh… Fath… Save," an ethereal voice groaned.
Who could that be?
"A ghost, perhaps? No, surely that is not the case," Sothis chimed in.
Byleth grinned as he lifted his brow.
"What is that look upon your face?" She took offense, "I am no ghost, if that was what was on your mind!"
The noise came from a few doors down.
"Ugh."
A woman's voice, Byleth noted as he walked down the corridor, his eyes rested on one door, in particular.
"This is that arrogant one's room, yes?" Sothis inquired.
"She's not arrogant," Byleth muttered under his breath as he raised his fist to the door.
His hand hesitated before softly knocking twice.
"No.. Agh.. Huh? Who's there?" Edelgard's alarmed voice called out.
"It's me," Byleth stated softly, careful not to alarm her neighbors to his presence.
"Professor? One moment!" He could hear rustling from inside her room, even a few things falling to the floor. The logical conclusion was that she was eager to get dressed.
Suddenly, Byleth felt his chest tighten. What was he doing? Surely, Edelgard had retired for the night and hadn't expected company. He tried to wave away any thoughts of her in her night attire.
"N-nevermind," His voice still low, he turned and began to walk away.
"No!" The door creaked open slowly, "what I mean to say is… please come in."
Byleth swallowed the lump that formed in his throat as he neared her door. She opened it wider to allow him to enter and closed it behind him.
"My teacher, what brings you here at such a late hour?" Edelgard brushed several loose strands of hair from her face and tucked them securely behind her ear.
"I thought I heard something," he dropped his eyes sheepishly. "But I can see I was wrong, so I'll go."
"Actually," she began softly. "I must have been talking in my sleep."
Byleth studied her movements, she crossed her arms defensively. Something seemed different, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Edelgard was not one to use such a delicate voice. He guessed, much like him, that weakness or softness was not something she wished to broadcast.
But tonight, she appeared more nervous in his presence.
"It didn't sound like a pleasant dream," He tried to avert his eyes, lest she catch him staring at her. Byleth didn't wish to make her feel uncomfortable, and throughout his youth he learned that his gaze made many people turn away from him.
"It wasn't," she shook her head. "Uncontrollable nightmares I've had since my youth. So infuriating."
"What were they about?" Byleth immediately wished he could take his words back. He did not wish to pry.
"Just…" Edelgard trailed off as her eyes searched the ground for the right words, "my childhood. Just a time before I realized who I was destined to become."
Though her words were few, she revealed much. Byleth had seen a hint of desire to share more, to relieve the burdens that weighed on her shoulders. For a moment, he envied her. He longed to share his own secrets, to feel free of the isolation he felt. But more than that, he wished to lighten Edelgard's hardships, if he could.
"You can trust me with anything," Byleth's voice was barely louder than a whisper.
Edelgard laughed nervously, "anything, you say? Well… I suppose I could try. But only if you swear to never tell a soul."
He nodded firmly.
"I appreciate it," she took a seat on the edge of her bed and looked up at him. Her eyes had softened as she nodded to her side, motioning toward the other end of the bed.
Byleth complied. He sat at the furthest end, trying to ensure there was enough space between them.
Edelgard planted her hands on her knees as she dropped her gaze to the wooden floor, recalling her nightmare, "I dream of my older brother, paralyzed, helpless… my older sister crying for help that never came. The youngest babbling words beyond recognition… I see my family dying slowly, waiting in the darkest depths for a glimmer of light."
Byleth wasn't aware she had siblings and it seemed the mention of them had increased her anxiety. He noted she began to rub her knees with her palms, more than likely to dry them of the moisture that had formed.
He didn't interrupt her. He blinked slowly as he waited for her to continue.
"I once had ten siblings, eight older and two younger." Edelgard smiled weakly. "Such a large family… and yet I become heir to the throne. Do you know why?"
Byleth shook his head.
"Every last one of them was crippled by disease or lost their mind…" her voice quivered slightly, "or died."
Byleth breathed in slowly. This was more than he expected to hear from Edelgard. Her shield was usually unwavering as it covered her emotions, only occasionally letting anger or frustration seep through. But this was neither of those, this was something completely different.
"I was the only one left who could inherit the throne," she lifted her eyes and met his gaze. He could see the sorrow glistening in her eyes.
"That's awful." Byleth inwardly chastised himself. Edelgard clearly allowed her emotions to flow freely and even now, he couldn't muster any more meaningful words. She must think him to be an uncaring beast as his two words could not do her story justice.
"Things kept getting worse. The darkness kept getting darker," she continued, seemingly unbothered by his lack of support. "In the end I was the only one who survived. The nightmares are a reminder… to never forget. To never allow such terrible things to happen again."
Jeralt has always told Byleth that the past is the past. An immutable story written upon pages that could never be torn. Even so, he found himself wishing he could rewrite history so that he would not have to see such sorrow in Edelgard's eyes.
"Even now, I'm the only one who can carry the weight of the Adrestian Empire. The future of the Empire… of everything, depends on me," Edelgard chuckled, as if she were in disbelief of the responsibility that suppressed her. "Hmm… I shared more than I had intended."
For several moments, a silence fell between them. Her arms lifted from her knees and crossed firmly in front of her chest. A defensive position.
Byleth had seen it many times when villagers would see his emotionless face peering at them. It was their way of protecting themselves from his gaze.
But somehow, Edelgard's demeanor felt different. This wasn't to protect herself, at least not from him. She was feeling vulnerable. Her story had left an open hole inside of her, one that she felt anyone might peer through. Byleth relished in the thought that he was able to start cracking the code that was Edelgard, but the feeling was quickly replaced with desire.
A desire to make her feel whole again.
"I once had a friend…" Byleth paused, wishing he could have rephrased his statement. "I mean, I thought she was a friend."
Edelgard turned her head to face him.
"It was in one of the villages in the Alliance that had hired us to dispose of some murders and thieves," he continued. "Her name was Marla. Every time we returned to the village, she would take my hand and insisted that we play some game or rather."
"Sounds like she was quite smitten with you," Edelgard grinned. Her arms loosened as she placed her hands in her lap.
"One day," Byleth disregarded her statement. Smitten was not the word he would have chosen for those feelings were not meant for him. "She had gathered many scraps of cloth and began wrapping my wrists, my head. Much like a doctor would."
He fought the urge to cross his own arms. Byleth began to feel as if he were on display. But this is what he had intended. If Edelgard was brave enough to share such a tragic tale, then she wouldn't be alone in feeling.
"She pretended I had a fever," Byleth's brow lowered. "It was only when she had pressed her head against my chest that the game finally ended."
"You allowed her to get… so close?" Edelgard's eyes widened at the thought.
He nodded, "I hadn't spent much time around people my age. I had assumed that was how they bonded."
"But why would your game end there?" She queried, her eyes awaited his answer.
Byleth swallowed hard. This was going to be the hardest part, he knew. Jeralt was the only other soul aware of his… condition. Would Edelgard turn away from him just as Marla had done?
"She ran to her father, suddenly frightened by me," Byleth prolonged the inevitable. "After that, the villagers became very angry with me and insisted that my father not let me return to the village. And so I never did. Jeralt would send another mercenary to collect payment. He tried telling me to disregard their words. That I was no beast, no demon. But I am unsure his words ever got through."
"Why would Marla tell her father such a thing?" Edelgard's tone grew angry, but he could tell it was not directed toward him. "Especially since she seemed so fond of you."
Byleth hesitated. He tried to control his breathing as his lungs demanded air.
"Because," his voice unintentionally broke. He cleared his throat, "I have… I have no heartbeat."
The words escaped his mouth. Never able to be retrieved and locked away again. Byleth did not raise his eyes to face her. Instead, he turned his head away. He could not bear the shame of another horrified gaze.
"My teacher," Edelgard began. "Are you attempting to lighten the mood?"
It was apparent that she had not shunned him yet, but only because she did not believe his words. For a moment, he considered playing along with her story.
Yes, of course! I thought you could use a good laugh.
Instead, Byleth shook his head.
"No?" Edelgard raised her brow. "But tell me, how can one be alive without a heartbeat? You appear very much alive to me."
Her tone seemed amused, as if she were determined to beat him at some game and prove his joke to be false. But her words stung, though Byleth didn't want to admit it. Would she not believe him to be alive but rather some undead monster?
You know what truly doesn't have heartbeats? Beasts and demons.
Byleth turned to face her. His face was as still as an intricately carved statue.
Edelgard hesitated. Her grin faded from her face. "You are joking, right?"
Byleth shook his head once again. His chest tightened at the thought of the coming events. Would she shoo him from her room? Perhaps, she'd even retrieve her axe in an attempt to hurry his departure, desperate to be as far from him as she possibly could be.
Edelgard scooted closer to him, her eyes full of intrigue. Her gaze landed upon his chest, "may I?"
Byleth swallowed hard as he lifted his leg onto her bed, turning his body toward her to better expose himself to her.
Edelgard leaned her head forward but paused slightly before turning her head and letting her ear rest against his chest.
Her face was warm, even through his shirt. Her hair smelled of elderberries.
Byleth lifted his chin higher as he tried to expel his thoughts from his mind. For what seemed like an eternity, the side of her face rested upon his chest and he wished this moment could last forever. For he knew it would be better than what was to come once she realized his tale was true.
Finally, Edelgard lifted her head and immediately met his gaze, "I don't hear anything."
His reflexes forced his eyes to the ground.
"But you are very much alive," she continued. "Your body has warmth… but how can this be?"
Byleth snapped his head toward her. Those were not the words he expected to hear. Once again, Edelgard caught him by surprise.
"Can I-" her words were carefully handpicked. "Can I ask you…"
Byleth nodded as he looked at her expectantly.
"Are you able to die?"
Not quite the question he had predicted. His mind immediately wandered as he recalled the memory of Sothis bestowing him the power of Divine Pulse. He had barely felt the bandit's axe begin to tear away at his flesh as he desperately tried to push Edelgard to safety before Sothis summoned him to her throne room.
Byleth nodded. "I'm sure in the right situation, I'd fall like anyone else. I nearly bled to death on our return from Gaspard."
"That's true," her words dripped with curiosity. "Are you able to feel? Can you feel things such as anger, or love?" Edelgard could barely contain the excitement as her questions flowed with each breath she took.
"I have to admit, before coming to the monastery," Byleth began. "My feelings did seem as if they were dulled. I don't know if I had purposely done so to spare myself the pain of being shunned, of being called the Ashen Demon… or if it was because of…"
Nothing escaped Edelgard's web of awareness, "before the monastery? Do you mean to say things have changed since?"
There must have been something in the air tonight, for Byleth also revealed more to her than he intended.
"Yes," he replied flatly. "Things have changed since."
"What has changed, my teacher?" He sensed a feeling of desire within Edelgard's voice. Was she hoping to hear something, in particular?
Byleth tried not to dwell on the lifeless faces of his students, but it was directly related to at least one of the changes he had sensed since coming to the monastery. "I wish to protect those that… that I… you know."
"That you what?" Edelgard pried, trying to force the words from him.
He suddenly felt as if his cheeks were ablaze as he averted his gaze once again. "I wish to protect my students. I've come to develop certain feelings that I've yet to decipher."
"Did you not always have a protective nature?" She queried.
"I've always held a strong fondness for my father, of course," Byleth blinked slowly. "But other than that, I did my job as any other mercenary would."
He was keenly aware that Edelgard had edged even closer to him. He had expected many horrible things to happen after he told her of his true nature. But this was the exact opposite. "So you've grown to care more about people than you ever had."
Care? That word somehow paled in comparison to what he felt. It did not do the feeling justice.
"Do you…" Edelgard paused, her voice softened. "Do you ever feel desire? To be close to someone?"
Desire. Now that seemed a fitting word to explain his feeling.
"I do- I mean, I have, yes," Byleth's mind raced so fast that he could not formulate his words. A foreign sense, usually he was able to carefully contemplate each word that left his mouth.
"Whom is it that you desire, my teacher?" Edelgard's expression was soft as her eyes pierced his.
A blunt question for someone Byleth thought to be well guarded. He needed time to solve the meaning of his own feelings, of his own desire before he could provide her with an answer.
"Perhaps, one secret at a time," he tried to collect himself as he turned his gaze to her door. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Edelgard's body deflate. "I'm afraid if I don't get some sleep now, I won't be much of an instructor tomorrow."
"As you wish," Edelgard stood from the bed to see him out. "Sleep well, my teacher."
Edelgard closed the door behind Byleth. She kept her hand on the handle as she leaned her forehead against the wood.
Perhaps, I jumped ahead of myself and grew too forward, she thought to herself. She knew these things took time but she suddenly found herself overwhelmed with impatience as if she had reverted to a child again.
A child that had not been experimented on, one that wasn't tortured. Simply a child who impatiently awaited a lovely present on their birthday. At least for now, she could pretend that her future could be whatever she decided it would be. It was a much needed break from the overwhelming doom that constantly hung above her.
You Edelgard. It is you that I desire.
Those were the words she longed to hear. She could no longer deny her feelings, not since their waltz a few days earlier. The feeling had been nagging at her heart for a few new moons now, but it was then that she realized what it was.
Edelgard heard a light swoosh from behind her. She did not startle or jump. She let out a deep, frustrated sigh as she gently pushed herself away from the door that she leaned on.
Tomas stood before her. No, not Tomas, Solon.
"What is it? Can't you see that it is late?" Edelgard's tone grew cold and irritated.
"You can't entertain your dear, old librarian?" He hissed.
Edelgard rolled her eyes as she plopped down on her bed.
"Hmph," Solon scowled. "It obviously wasn't late enough to turn your professor away. It was him that I saw in the corridor just now, wasn't it?"
Edelgard grew furious, "my personal dealings are of no value to you."
"Personal?" The word seemed to disgust Solon, "it is, indeed, valuable to me if you have lost your focus due to your… personal feelings."
"Is that what you came here to say?" Edelgard snapped. Now that her teacher left, she wanted nothing more than to be left alone to bask in the aftermath of their conversation. She did not want to deal with this, not now.
"No," He lifted a brow. "I came to let you know that everything is in its place. Before the next new moon, the Sword of the Creator shall be ours."
"Good," Edelgard quipped, suddenly feeling like a rebellious teenager attempting to hurry their parents out of their room.
"Your… professor might pose an unfortunate problem, however."
Her body tensed up as furrowed her brow. "What problem could he be? The mere fact that you disapprove of his presence in my room does not mean that he has played any part in changing my destiny. We will obtain the Sword of the Creator."
"Though I find your late visit disturbing," Solon explained. "He has been poking his nose in the library as of late. Asking many annoying questions about Garreg Mach and crests. He and that knight seemed determined to learn all of the monastery's nooks and crannies. I fear the Holy Mausoleum is just out of his grasp, but only just."
"Knight?" Edelgard queried, "Captain Jeralt?"
Solon shook his head. "No, the dark-haired rude one. The woman."
Shamir.
Edelgard's heart sank at the sudden realization that the answer to the question she had asked her teacher may not have included her at all.
"Bothered, are we?" Solon chuckled. "Yes, they've been spending much time together, even outside of the library. I hear she was also a mercenary before joining the Knights of Seiros. I imagine they have a lot in common to bond over."
"Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Solon?" Edelgard's nostrils flared. "My teacher's business is his own. It matters not who he is spending his time with."
"Doesn't it?" Solon seemed to know the right buttons to push. "If he intends to try and stop us at the Holy Mausoleum, you know he will have to be dealt with. I'm sure our friend, the Death Knight, would be more than happy to oblige."
Edelgard sprung up from her bed and closed the distance between them, "had it ever occurred to you, Solon, that if our cards are played correctly, that my teacher may be no threat at all? He might even wish to join our cause."
"What cards could be so powerful that you would bet your destiny on them?" He made no attempt to hide the disdain from his words, "because if you are wrong… if your judgment has been clouded. Then all we've done has been for naught. He would strike you down in a heartbeat."
A heartbeat. Edelgard tried to push away the thoughts of her head resting against his chest. It was true that she lingered there longer than she needed to. It only took a few seconds to realize that his claim was true, but Edelgard had not wished to lift her head from his warmth.
"My judgment has not been clouded, I assure you," She turned her back to him as she desperately tried to suppress the panic she felt begin to wash over her. "And I am not wrong."
A bold bluff, indeed. In truth, she had no idea where her teacher's loyalties would lay once Edelgard gave the order. But she also knew that if Solon knew that, her professor's life would be in grave danger. She had to make him believe she had everything under control.
"Very well, Your Highness," Solon offered a weak bow. "I will trust that you know what you are doing."
"Good," Edelgard snapped. "Now if you would be so kind as to leave me in peace."
Without another word. Solon evaporated into several thin white lights that raced upward and disappeared into her ceiling.
She released a sigh of relief. Her chest ached and her head throbbed. Her franticness had not quelled, despite the fact she was certain Solon had bought into her bluff.
But what if he didn't?
It didn't matter if Shamir was the one that Byleth desired and not her. Edelgard would not let them take her teacher.