Shoutouts to Porpol, Author of Ruination, another Neptunia fic, for his continued support in beta reading, along with Truemmerphantom, for his additional assistance.
Yeah. It's been a long time since I've updated, huh? As much as I'd love to blame just one thing... It really was a ton of things hitting me at the same time. I can't promise faster updates, but I'll do my best to prevent from going as horribly overtime as this one was.
Reviews now... Let's get right to em.
Smashgunner: The title is an artifact of the original concept, which isn't entirely correct. However, I was so sick and tired of the 'X'dimension title format that I decided to mix it up with something catchy instead. As for the lack of mental illness... It will be revealed eventually. It's not a happy story. Hasn't happened to me in real life yet, and I swear that I will never let it happen either.
Edmond Dantes Ftgo: Mucho gracias.
Lord-Sylph: As obvious as the ship is at this point, I'll state right away that... the immortality will be a major 'against' point for it ever becoming a 'thing'.
Blacksoul123, Xanaphos24, Lezzor: Yeah... This one was in progress for two months due to personal problems. But it's here now!
Purple Heart might be the first of the four to re-awaken, but she's definitely not alone for long. One by one the four Elder CPUs shake themselves awake, blearily checking their surroundings. I can hear White Heart grumbling upon realizing what has happened to her, but that is mercifully cut short by the sudden impact of her two younger sisters pulling her into a tight embrace. Needless to say, her confusion and anger fade near-immediately, and she instead returns their touch, eyes closed and smile on her lips.
Black Heart glances about the area, and quickly summons her greatsword, before attempting to stick it into the ground in order to rise to her feet with said blade's support. Uni stares at her older sister, unsure how to react. Is she afraid of making her sister look weak? Or does she believe that her sister is strong enough to walk alone, despite the ordeal she's gone through?
"You truly couldn't have come to get me any faster, Uni?" groans Black Heart, rolling her shoulders.
Welp. That answers that. Geez, she really needs to learn people skills.
"Noire… I… I..." murmurs Uni, who glances around unsure… Before her eyes finally rest upon me, expression lost. Wait, why am I… Oh. Right. I'm emotional support.
"Hug her, dammit!" I hiss back to the Black Candidate, as I step out of the picture before the other CPUs can notice me. As much as I'd love to finally meet them, I'm also kind of worried about any conclusion they might draw about me. For now, I'd rather them calm down a bit before jumping to conclusions.
"Oh, you don't need to apologise or anyth-" begins Noire flicking her hair into the wind, before she's suddenly cut off by Uni throwing her arms around her. I can't help but grin as Noire's eyes widen dramatically, as she drops her blade and it instantly dissolves to data. Seems like she's not quite as recovered as she's pretending to be.
And so, I move backwards to stand along with the other human assistants, watching as the Candidates one by one babble apologies to their older sisters, before finally drawing them into embraces. IF and Compa are watching the two Nep sisters embrace one another with tears in their eyes. The others are all happy to watch the reunions as well, but there's a difference between knowing of them as Goddesses, and knowing Neptune and Nepgear as intimately as those two do.
I watch them for a moment, before my eyes drift away. With as much exposed flesh as there is in that huddle of crying girls, I can't help but feel like a voyeur. I excuse myself from the group, and begin to wander across the other side of the clearing, searching for any drops we might have missed. I really don't find much.
Search of this corner of the battlefield now complete, I gaze back up to make sure we're not ready to go yet. Loot or not, I'm not willing to risk being left behind in this place. That's the stuff of nightmares.
The voices of the Candidates are echoing over towards me now: a jumble of noise as they all speak at the same time. Their elder sisters all sit silent, brilliant grins crossing their faces as they listen to their younger siblings regale the tales of 'heroism' that we've managed to stumble our way through. I hope they're sticking to the embellished version: Some of the things we've done aren't exactly the best things to brag about.
From the way the four of them are speaking though, they're either all telling the story at once, or they're desperately trying to overtalk one another. I'm not sure how the older four are able to understand them - if they even are, but I can't deny that it's definitely a cute scene. Ram is gesturing with her hands so quickly that she might as well be conducting an entire orchestra. It's a wonder she hasn't randomly evoked some kind of spell or poked someone's eye out.
A tap on my shoulder causes me to rise up, gripping a fallen credit chip that was either dropped by Judge, or was in the garbage the oversized lummox charged through the mountain. I've found five of them so far, perhaps enough to buy myself a nice meal when we get back from this hell. Heaven knows it'll be a good reward for this little excursion.
"Huh?" I utter, turning to the new disturbance. "Don't mind me, just looting a bit extra for the food budget. What's up?"
There, floating midair with a curious expression on her face, stands - or perhaps floats - Green Heart. Yes. Her face. Let's pay attention to that, rather than her nearly-entirely-destroyed clothing which barely covers her modesty. I refuse to give in and be a pervert here.
"Uh… Hello, Lady Green Heart?" I half-state, half-ask. I'm not sure why she's here instead of listening to the Candidates. I hope it's for a good reason. I don't think I've done anything wrong. At least... Nothing wrong in Leanbox.
"Interesting… A male adventurer. Strange that there is only one in this entire group… Might I ask your name?" states the Leanboxian CPU, eyes staring directly back at me. It's definitely a welcome change to not need to look downwards to meet someone. It's beginning to wear on my neck.
I blink, as I try to figure out what the proper equitique a 'mere' human like me would have for meeting an incarnate Goddess. I get a feeling that just asking to shake her hand is a faux pas. Five seconds of thought later, I give up and just ask.
"The name's Derek. Derek Matthews." I reply. "So um… Am I supposed to bow? This is really my first time meeting one of the CPUs, and the Candidates never really went over that…"
From the sideways glance I make at the other three CPUs, I catch the tail end of Neptune laughing about something… Oh dear.
Green Heart raises her right hand over her mouth as she quietly chuckles back. "Heavens, no, Mister Matthews. You do not need to bow unless you wish to."
"Um… Yeah. That sounds fair..." I reply, still unsure of myself, "So, what have I done to earn your attention, if you don't mind me asking?"
Green Heart glances over her shoulder back at the rest of the group, inadvertently revealing for the first time that HDD forms are in fact able to move their eyes.
And the grin that crosses my face unfortunately does not go unnoticed.
"Oh? Is something the matter?" asks the CPU, raising an eyebrow and leaning in suggestively. "Are you perhaps seeing something that meets your fancy?"
"Er…" I murmur, before I just shake my head, forcing down my unease and paranoia down with all my might. Time to be blunt. No time to be embarrassed. "You just confirmed something I've wondered for a long time, that's all. I was wondering if CPUs could move their eyes. I'm the kind of person that niggling questions like that tend to eat at... It sounds kind of weird..."
Green Heart pauses for a moment, tapping her chin with a long, gloved finger. "Is that so? Normally we do not, as HDD comes equipped with a two-seventy five degree field of vision. Though it is strange that is what you comment upon that, rather than…"
From the way that her hovering height fluctuates, I can only assume she bounces her chest at me. Instead, I double down on my attempt to remain in eye contact. Clear mind… clear mind...
"That's… eh…. interesting… B-but you can see why I'd be afraid to ask something like that." I continue, but I can't help but find the latter parts of my speech running into each other. I'm seriously debating just turning away to save myself from embarrassment. Why couldn't the first CPU I meet be someone who isn't a shameless flirt? Even Blanc would be a better choice!
Oh god… Blanc. Her sisters hate me! Hopefully she'll believe me when I say that I didn't mean it! Hrrrm... Chance of being bludgeoned by an oversized hammer, or chance of horrible, horrible embarrassment... Which is worse...
"Hmm… An understandable reason. I also must point out that it is quite refreshing to meet someone brave enough to stare back directly into my eyes… or meet someone of about equal height." smiles back the goddess. "I am curious though, why do you seem so intent on ending this conversation? Most adventurers, perhaps even most mortals, would jump at the opportunity to be able to speak with either myself or one of my oldest rivals. What makes you different here?"
"You're kind of nine-tenths naked." I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Green Heart's grin doubles in size, and gains an unmistakable predatory undertone. "Oh? What is so wrong with my choice of displaying my assets?" she states, moving closer and thrusting her chest out towards me before I can look away. "If a woman possesses such a figure, is it wrong for her to put them on display?"
Abandon ship. Abandon ship! I choose hammering!
"No! No no no no. Stop. Please! Stop. I don't want to talk to a near-naked woman that I don't even know, okay?"
Why am I flailing my hands? Why can't I stop them?!
"So does that mean that you would be comfortable speaking to a near-naked woman that you do know?" replies Green Heart, who flutters her eyelashes. She leans even closer towards me, while also hovering higher into the air to maintain eye level. "Perhaps… I should get to know you better? Would you be interested in talking then?"
"Aghh!" I groan, before I sprint off into the distance, taking cover behind one of the garbage mounds, out of sight of the evil demon floating before me.
Deity or not, the giggling I can just barely hear as I flee in embarrassment is just as bad, if not worse than that of a human.
By the time that someone is sent out to come get me, the older CPUs have all recovered, and temporary clothing has been improvised out of Compa's extra bandages and a large roll of spare fabric that Noire was 'strangely' carrying around with her. Vert's state of dress is only slightly more repaired than before, something which Blanc seems to be quite irritated about - if the sideways glances are of any indication. In my opinion, it's still skanky, but at least it isn't something that'd cause traffic accidents.
Nepgear, Uni, and the twins have finally decided to uncoil themselves from around their older sisters, occasionally gesturing towards the way we entered. Purple Heart raises an eyebrow at me as I step into view, but her gaze soon turns back to Nepgear.
Great… Well, I have that to look forward to, at least. I suppose now's as good as time as any to make sure I've got my story straight. Hopefully Neptune will be in a good mood when I finally meet her. And won't ask any uncomfortable questions.
A guy can dream, right?
Without another exchanged word, the goddesses rise to their feet and gesture for us humans to follow. It seems we're finally leaving this place - it's about damn time. Together, we draw our weaponry, raise the Sharicite above our heads, and march through the clearing, towards home. Towards safety.
Through the twists and turns we step, cutting down the monsters that rise up to impede our escape. A handful of times, I can see one of the older CPUs attempt to strike down a creature, only to have their kill immediately stolen by their younger siblings. Nepgear's already given the over-eager CPUs the speech that they should conserve their strength, but despite that, they're still trying their best. It'd be almost reassuring, if they weren't at constant risk of injuring themselves further. We kind of need them in good condition if ASIC is ever to be pushed back.
Finally, we reach the edge of the maze, where a glowing portal awaits, through which we can see the familiar image of the Planeptune Basilicom. Two by two we pile through it, letting the familiar nausea of the world twisting around us take over as we rapidly pass through, unwilling to spend another second in this wretched place.
As the spinning slowly stops and the pounding headache from earlier begins to fade, I find that the ground below is now solid, manufactured tile. It's unimaginable to have actually missed tile flooring, but here I am. As the portal finally snaps shut behind us, the remnants of mist that had followed us through begins to thin and dissipate, until once more the air is clean and pure.
I can see Purple Heart blink and rub her eyes as she glances about, murmuring, "We're… We're actually home…"
Histoire floats in, sweat dripping from her brow. Seems she got a bit of a workout transporting all of us, huh? She beams as she gazes from CPU to CPU, although she definitely isn't smiling quite as much when she sees Vert's loosely covered midsection. I can almost hear her mental demand that Green Heart go put on a shirt.
"Neptune. Nepgear… No, everyone! I'm so glad that you have all made it home safely." states the Oracle, turning from face to face. "I can hardly imagine the horrors you must have experienced there…"
She pauses for a moment, before she floats closer, "Although the Candidates have done admirable jobs in maintaining the shares balances of your nations -"
Green Heart blinks, and then replies. "What of Leanbox? I have not yet been blessed with a Candidate of my own to support it…"
Histoire weakly smiles back. "Although Leanbox has been ravaged by ASIC, it still remains strong. Your Oracle, Chika Hakozaki, has made great strides at stabilizing the drain of Shares… And it's reasons such as this that I recommend focusing on recovering. The sooner you all are able to once more defend your Nations, the sooner we can free our lands from ASIC's control."
The clearing of a throat from the group causes nearly all of us to turn to the source… Purple Heart, who seems to have her hand resting on her hip.
"Histoire, although I truly am glad to hear that our Nations have been doing well in our absence…" begins Purple Heart, "I have something important to say as well."
"Huh? What is it, Neptune?" blinks the tome, hovering closer.
"Although I am unsure of the well-being of my companions… but I believe now would be an excellent time -" she begins, but suddenly is engulfed in light. From out of the light steps a figure a full head shorter. "An excellent time to take a load off! Relax a bit!" finishes Neptune.
"Oh no." state Black, Green, and White Hearts all at the same time.
"Here we go..." I moan, slapping my forehead.
"Iunno bout you three, but I'm wiped out. You wouldn't wanna be pushing us too hard after getting back, now wouldja, Histy?" continues Neptune, even going so far as to try and throw puppy-dog eyes and flutter her eyelashes at the floating fairy.
The other three elder CPUs shake their heads in exasperation, with Vert murmuring about 'upholding appearances'. As for the others, Nepgear looks mostly apologetic, Rom and Ram are both absolutely confused, and Uni is giving me a look out of the corner of her eye like she's not sure if Neptune's being serious.
I nod my head sadly. The bewildered expression I get back seals the deal. Welcome to Neptune. It only gets worse from here. Hopefully we can both stay sane through this ordeal.
Green Heart seems to think for a moment, before her eyes widen and she begins to mouth numbers to herself. "As you say, returning to our nations would be ideal, to ensure we can properly recover. I will do so now."
Translation - 'I just realized that my 'endgame' character is now at least ten major patches out of date.'
White Heart seems to grit her teeth at the suggestion, but eventually relents. "I suppose I can agree with that. Should we meet back here in a week? That should be enough… I have some catching up of my own to do."
Books probably. Hopefully she won't jump to conclusions about me… Oh, who am I kidding. I'm probably screwed. Better start writing a will… Or finding a place with a roof to drop on Blanc when she comes a-knocking.
Both CPUs head for the exit, with the Twins following closely behind their older sister.
Black Heart rolls her eyes as she watches the four leave. "Are we seriously going to let this chance leave us? We should strike while the iron is hot! We're wasting a perfect opportunity to get even with ASIC for daring to trap us! They will never expec-"
In response to this, Neptune lightly smacks Black Heart on the back. It's a pathetic, soundless impact, but it's enough to force the transformed CPU to her knee. Considering how Neptune isn't even in HDD any more, I believe her point is made. Seems none of them are in good enough shape for sustained combat.
"Look, Nowa, I know you're a super-workaholic and all, but I know you need some rest too!" smiles Neptune, to which the transformed Noire groans in response. "Wouldn't want you to fall asleep in the middle of a fight now, would you? Then I'd have to carry your sleepy butt all the way back home!"
"Not a single one of you agree with me? I can't belie-... You know what? Fine." grumbles Black Heart, turning away from the remaining group and rolling her shoulders. "But only because I suppose going in alone will be pointless. You better not try and start without me!"
Neptune beams back at her rival, "Well there's the Tsun Heart I know and love! Take a break! Hang out a while! Kick back and have fun with your ol' pal Nep! Who's up for party games?"
"Yeah right! I'm going home. Which is away from you!" scoffs Black Heart, pointing at Neptune over her shoulder. "Uni! I'm leaving. You can come with me, or you can stay here. With her."
"I-I'll… I'll be home in a bit." mumbles Uni, glancing around. "I've still got a few things I need to do first… I-if that's okay, I mean..."
"Your loss. I suppose you'll have to deal with miss delusional then." With that, she takes off into the air. "Try not to dawdle too long, okay?"
"Welp." Neptune sighs, as she watches Black Heart slowly fly away into the distance. "When Lonely Heart's always acting like that, it's no wonder she doesn't have any friends! Anyways!"
She claps her hands and turns towards the rest of us, making eye contact with our entire party, one by one. "Hey there! My name's Neptune!" she chirps, leaning on one leg and waving her arm back and forth at us. "I'm the CPU of Planeptune, but you can call me Nep for short!"
"L-Lady Purple Heart! Is that really okay?" stammers Marvy, to which Neptune giggles in return.
"Well, I don't really care for the fancy titles or names stuff. Plus! You're one of Iffy's old friends, right? Any friend of Iffy is a friend of mine!" smiles back the goddess. "But enough about little old me… What're all of your names?"
"R-right… My name's MarvelousAQL… But my friends all just call me Marvy." murmurs the ninja. "This is definitely going to need some getting used to…"
RED is up next, shaking hands with the CPU almost frantically, although she strangely keeps entirely quiet about her waifu obsession. Is it some sort of dark conspiracy? Probably not. Perhaps she forgot.
And then, she turns to me.
"And what about you?" asks Neptune, finger pointing directly at me, so close to my face that I get a headache merely looking at it. "What's your name, and what kind of super special powers do you have? Or can I guess? I love to guess names!"
I stare blankly back at her. "Errr… My name's Derek, and I don't… really..."
"As if! C'mon! You gotta have some kind of super special ability! Are you some kind of crazy magic user? Oooh Ooh! Or some super soldier? Or even a CPU?" continues Neptune. "Maybe you're an escaped experiment or an alien! There's so many possibilities!"
"Alright, Nep. That's enough." juts in IF. "Those are kind of weird questions to ask, even for you. I'd blame you watching too many movies… but I don't think they had cable in the Graveyard."
"But these crazy self-insert types're always super-duper-ultra-powerful special snowflakes, Iffy! Always!" retorts Neptune. "C'mon! You gotta have some sort of dark secret, right?"
Uni suddenly seems rather curious too.
"J-just how large a sample size are you working with, here?" I reply. This… is actually kind of creepy.
Neptune blinks… And raises a finger, mouth open.
"Errr… Ummm… One? Maybe?" she replies, in a somewhat unsure tone.
"Can you… ummm… Name them?"
Her eyebrows furrow as she points back at me. "That's not the point! There's no way you're just some sort of super boring person! Otherwise you'd have probably been voted off the team already!"
I sigh. "Neptune, this isn't a reality show."
MAGES. finally speaks up. "Well, there is an anomaly regarding Mister Matthews here…"
"Well… I guess I am from a different dimension…" I mumble.
"You're seriously still going with that stu-" begins IF, rolling her eyes, when she's cut off by Neptune.
"Yup, I believe it. But seriously? No special powers? What a load of bum… You must've been super duper unlucky! That's like… Rolling-four-ones-in-a-row unlucky. Like… Nowa-playing-poker unlucky."
IF stares at Neptune with a look of disappointment. "You seriously don't believe that stupid story, right? There's no way. He walks, talks, and acts like he's lived here his whole life! There's no way that… y'know… language would work like that!"
"C-can we not?" I cut in. "We've already had this discussion once before and it ended in frustration on both sides. I'd rather not go through that again if we don't need to, okay?"
"Still, laaame." states Neptune, drawing out the m as much as she can. "What's an OC like you doing sitting around with no powers whatsoever? At least that boring orange guy was a fencer and had that totally-not-suspicious loli girlfriend. You're telling me that we only managed to get just some average guy?"
I can't help but take slight offense.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I want to be disadvantaged opposed to absolutely everyone? Again? Or maybe because life dealt me a shit hand… Agai-"
I pause, and throw my hands over my mouth. Yelling at Neptune won't solve anything. It just makes me look like a child.
I take a breath in and out.
Neptune blinks at my explosive response. "Whoah there… I didn't mean to poke a sore spot there guy…"
"J-just don't do it again." I murmur, and turn away. With that, I leave the room.
"Geez, he needs to chill." I hear Neptune grumble, to which IF can only sigh.
The first person to come out of the meeting room and bump into me isn't who I expect, which is usually Nepgear, Compa, or Uni… Instead, it's RED.
"Oh… Hello, RED… Don't worry, I'm not interested in the new batch of wifeys either." I greet offhandedly.
RED tilts her head back at me, and smiles widely.
"Oh! Goodie!~" she chirps. "Buuut!~ That's not why I'm here!"
I blink back. "Huh? Why are you talking to me then? I thought you only had eyes on the girls?"
RED nods. "Oh, yeah, definitely. But if you hadn't shown me to miss Nepgear, then I'd never have had the chance to meet all of these wonderful wifeys! So I owe you big time."
I stare back at her. I can't really tell her that if I wasn't there, she still would have met them… Because I'm not longer sure if that would have been the case.
"No problem, RED." I compromise. "That's what friends are for, right?"
RED nods excitedly, before handing me a book. I take it without thinking.
"I already finished this one, so you can have it! As a gift!~" And with that, she turns away and walks down the hallway.
I carefully glance at the title, then the cover image, and then the capital M rating on the back. And then I stare back at RED.
"RED! This is porn! You gave me porn! What the hell am I supposed to do with this?!" I cry, but the moment I begin speaking, RED doubles her speed and dives into a guest room, locking the door behind her with a thunk.
I sigh as I flip through the first couple of pages. Did she at least give me decent yuri?
I'm only a single page in when I pause, staring directly at… Huh.
…
Oh. Wow. Okay. I flip a couple more pages, before I force myself to close the book and stow it away.
I don't have time to stare at dirty pictures in the middle of the hallway.
Goddammit RED. Now I'm not sure whether to be annoyed, or just straight up thankful.
I guess I'll have to settle with just hiding this new 'gift' as far down into my inventory as physically possible.
…
How the heck does she keep a straight face when reading this stuff beside us?!