Lucius had to hurry. There was no telling where Miss Lovegood would be on this particular day. For all he knew, she could be halfway across the world, fighting a Banshee or trying to discover the Loch Ness monster's hideout 1000 lengths below sea level. He crossed his fingers and wished upon the Cauldron that he was not too late before the jaws of the Jabberwocky snatched her up.
"Dear Miss Lovegood, Dearest Miss Lovegood, Dear Luna."
Pop and Pippin glared up at him with big, beady eyes. "Well. It is a perfect start, no?"
Lucius straightened his cravat. This time around, it just didn't sit well enough, and he continued adjusting it there and back.
Despite the Nifflers being there, Lucius's infamous Malfoy confidence quivvered the moment Xenophilius Lovegood opened the door.
"Mr Malfoy." Xenophilius sneered, "Whatever can you want of us now? Haven't you done enough?"
"Not quite enough in the way of an apology."
"Now, an apology would be most unecessary," he said, a handful of trunks floating behind him. "We are just about to leave."
Another voice resounded from far in the depths of the house, a voice that made Lucius heart tumble in his chest.
"Papa, we have a problem."
"My dear?"
"Neville cannot come and care for the creatures." Luna descended the steps. "He says...oh." She stopped dropping her suitcase. "Mr Malfoy."
She stood there dressed in a fine pair of cargo pants, a pimento pepper jumper and laced green combat boots. Mr. Malfoy tipped his head in consideration. "My apologies for showing up unannounced."
"There's no trouble at all," she said softly. "Actually, there is; Neville cannot come down to care for the creatures because he's had a sudden emergency."
"My dear," Xenophilius said. "Well, that's not good news at all. You've been wanting to go photograph Llorona for years now."
"Well, I suppose it will have to wait," she said softly. "We cannot leave the Thestrals all alone; neither can we leave the Bow Truckles nor the..."
And then Mr. Malfoy said the most unusual thing: "Perhaps I can care for the creatures."
"You can?" Luna's eyes lit up. "Oh, but I wouldn't want to trouble you."
"Believe me, it would be an honor. After all you've done for me, for my manor that it, it is only right I can pay back with equal gratitude." It was like another part of Lucius speaking, one that was clearly disjointed from his body, but his actual self came rushing right back in, blood to the head, when Miss Lovegood hopped in the air and began to say something excitendly to him before bounding upstairs.
"Whatever did she say?" Lucius might have said if he were more aware of his body in space.
"What she said is, welcome to The Lovegood Menagerie," Xenophilius said dryly. "Don't get too comfortable."
"She said that as well?"
"I said that." Xenophilius thrust keys into his hands, clearly knocking him from the heavens down to Earth.
"Mhm," Lucius mumbled. Had Miss Lovegood always been so lighthearted and easy to forgive? Or perhaps he had learned the fine art of soundless apology. Much like everything else in his life, Lucius Malfoy mastered this trick in a single attempt.
"Mr Malfoy."
"Yes. Yes. Yes." He said. "Well, look at the time. Do you not have a Portkey to catch?"
"I am waiting for Luna."
"Luna?"
"She is going with me. Together." Xenophilius said, pointing one ink-stained finger into his face. "Do not get any ideas of setting up any traps in our absence. The entire house is warded, and I've set up a way to keep my eye on you while we are on the other end of this earth." He came up to Lucius face-to-face. "And if you try to do funny business, I will not be so forgiving the next time I see your blond expression."
"Technically, a lightly-sunkissed expression."
"Do not flatter yourself." His face morphed instantly when Luna floated down the steps.
"My dear! You look wonderful! Let me take those bags." Xeno picked up her luggage and lugged it out the door. Lucius reached for a bag, only to be intercepted by the haggling reporter. "Focus yourself on your job, Malfoy, and I'll focus on mine." He smiled. "Well, say ta-ta, and off we go!"
Luna crept by Mr. Malfoy, her entire usually ethereal demeanor stiff as a baseboard. She looked him in the eyes quickly and said, "Thank you, Mr. Malfoy," before dashing out the door.
"See you soon, Miss Lovegood," Lucius said, his voice dropping.
And like that, she was gone from his life again.
-x-x-x-
Lucius didn't exactly know what it would feel like to take on the Fantastic Beasts. He knew about it from Miss Lovegood's stories. He was pretty good with Pop and Pippin as well. How hard could taking care of the animals in the Menagerie be?
Pippin jumped up on the side of the sofa, blinking its giant eyes.
"Pippin," Lucius said, patting the creature's head, "we are going to be just fine. In fact, better than fine." He laughed cockily. "Once Miss Lovegood sees just how wonderful I am," he stops mid-sentence.
Wonderful at what exactly? He glances back at Pippin. "Well, little friend, I suppose a good breakfast is in order."
He heads across the hall, looking at all the portraits and clippings of the Quibbler's past editions on the walls. It's certainly a lengthy display of Xeno's life's work, one that Lucius has yet to understand. But work is work, and at the end of the day, it's the end of the day. They're all got to be proud of something.
At the end of the hall, he finds the kitchen, which leads to the back door of the house. Much like in the Manor, this regular abode also has an exit in the kitchen, except here it's not tiny nor is it used for elves, but rather for wizards and witches of a regular height.
It's got a sign above it, the door, and the sign says, "Luna's Fantastic Menaregie." It's handpainted in curly, messy letters.
"Very quaint," he says with a smile.
The Nifflers lead the way into what could only be described as an old barn, the kind Muggle farm hands have. Pushing open the door, Lucius' eyes widened tenfold (not unlike they had when once on a raid on a Muggle farm with his fellow Deather Eaters).
Inside the barn, the walls reached higher than the tip of the aged Malfoy Weeping Willows found about his property. And from every nook and cranny were pens and enclosures made of all sorts of riff-raff amterials. Even up in the air, Miss Lovegood had created beautiful and spacious pens for her feathered friends. Every corner of the barn squacked and squeeked, pipped and popped, grunted, and howled as Lucius made his way through the labyrinth of enclosures.
"My, my, my, Miss Lovegood, what have you done?" He whispers, running his fingers down an intricate vine as little twig creatures jump out at him.
Pop tugs at his pantsleeve with his beak, and Lucius follows him into a tiny room in the corner containing a writing desk and the overflowing cupboards of every tool under the sun. It looks like a miniature version of Borgin and Burkes, but with lighter colors and more positively energetic magic products.
Here on the top of the desk, Lucius picks up a notebook with a note addressed to Neville. He flips through it quickly, reading through Luna's handwritten thank-you and a few extra notes she'd like him to take care of during her absence that are not found in her book manual.
"Well, I think our work is laid out for us, Pop," he said with a long sigh. "I am certain we will make do of it better than that Longbottom boy."
-x-x-x-
"Do you really think he can?" Papa says this while watching a small Mexican wizard boy levitate his bags into the upper compartment of the tourist bus.
"I don't see why his size should be of any concern."
"It's not the size; it's that he doesn't have much experience with our type of equipment."
"I'm sure we're not the first reporters who have come to Mexico City," Luna says with a sigh. Her mind wanders far off the dusty, hot landscape surrounding Portkey Station. What she could really use now is a lukewarm glass of herbal tea and a snack. Who knew international teleportation could be so taxing on the system?
She checks her watch, still set on English time. It's time for the Erumpent's daily snack of mango and fresh grass, and the Thestral babies should be fed and burped by now. The Nifflers should also be taking their naps now. How was Lucius faring with the Bowtruckles? They could be as naughty as children around new faces.
No, she had left some very good notes for Neville to follow, and if he had found them (which she was certain he had), there would be no issue at all in the matter of how to manage the Menagerie.
But if he had not?
Luna shuddered.
"My dear, we must make haste if we are to arrive by nightfall. We wouldn't want to be found on these grounds with our young companion when hunting our...Llorona," Papa said, hopping on the minibus.
Luna agreed, remembering that getting caught up in her own daydreams was not beneficial on unfamiliar grounds.
They had traveled for hours, and the setting sun settled over the landscape.
The boy Luna had come to know was named Maximo and was very happy to assist the 'touristos' for a pretty price. He had taught Luna a few words in Spanish and made a very interesting origami cow out of an old paper pamphlet.
Portkeys, Luna learned, were not so common outside of Mexico City. If they were to photograph the Llorona, they would have to transfer from the bus to a mule caravan and make their way through the ever-darkening wilderness outside the safety of city lights.
She had enjoyed the sounds of the local chirping insects and tried to ask Maximo what they were called. As the boy waved his hands around, trying to translate into broken English what the creature was, her papa pointed into the depths of the forest.
"We should get the animals some water. Look there, water."
"Non, non senor," Maximo warned, but her stubborn Papa had already turned his mule towards the downward slope towards the water in a nearby stream.
Luna and Maximo shrugged and followed. The camera hung loosely around Luna's neck as she prodded the mule to turn. The creature had begun to bray and turn its head from side to side in panic.
"Come on now, honey, don't worry," Luna said softly, petting the animal behind the ears. "Nothing to worry about."
"Es estupido," Maximo laughed, hitting his own mule on the bottom, sending the animal into a fit of huffs.
"Now, don't say that," Luna frowned. "Mules are not stupid at all; in fact, they're very nice and useful. Aren't you, my dear?"
"Demasiado ingenua," huffed Maximo. "Silly English."
Suddenly, her papa's shirt flashed before them, thick in the shrubbery. The white cotton bent down and crawled around the undergrowth, looking for something.
"Oh, Papa, he probably dropped his glasses."
Maximo cupped his hands around his mouth. "Oy! Excuse me, Senor! Escucha me. No going in there. Aañas...ah! Dios mierdo..."
Prodding his mule on, he rode to help Papa off the ground.
A deep guttural blubber began to stir in Luna's stomach. She reached for her wand and slowly followed Maximo. The boy confidently rode on, yelling all sorts of obscenities and calling for 'senor' to get up. Suddenly, Maximo's mule disappeared, and in a few seconds, the boy began to scream like a herd of banshees.
"Maximo!" Luna jumped off her mule, wanded forward, and ran towards the screams.
She ran along the edge of the stream fast enough to see a tall, lanky woman dragging Maximo into the water.
"Ey!" Luna screamed and wanded out. "Stupefy!"
In a flash, the woman grabbed her hair and began to struggle in the water, dropping Maximo with a resounding splash. Pulling out the camera, Luna snapped away at the creature before it dissolved below the water's surface and then dragged Maximo out!
"Bruxa! La Llorona!" Maximo cried out!
"Yes, yes, don't worry!" Luna cried. "I got her. You're safe."
Maximo squealed until he was promptly dragged to shore. "English Senora, you save my life!" the boy cried, looking into Luna's eyes in a mix of terror and admiration, then he tossed his arms around her neck and gave her a big hug.
"My dear! There you are!" Papa said, coming out of the shrubbery. "I asked you to give water to the mules and not go swimming."
"Oh Papa, we-"
"-ah!" Xeno tossed his hands to the side. "This trip is turning out to be a nightmare. I've got more mosquito bites than hairs on my old head, and not a single sighting of the blasted spirit."
"Well, you're wrong about one thing," Luna said, smiling and wiggling her camera.
"Don't tell me...ah!" Papa cried. "My girl! You really are a marvel! Now then, Maximo, you have done an excellent job leading us, but it's time we returned to the city. It appears our work here is done." He wiped his forehead. "I would like a nice tequila and a couple of tacos carnitas in my belly before the Portkey home."
Maixmo did not need to be told twice. With a'si senor', he hopped on the mule and turned the party back.
-x-x-x-
Lucius pulled a blob of Erumpent slob off his hair and smacked it on the ground. The giant, elephant-like being was surely mocking him for the way he was cutting the mangos, and yet he had followed Luna's instructions clearly.
Cut the mango lengthwise, scoop out the middle, and leave it on a plate along with the grass for Ellie to chew on (Ellie being the slobbery creature in question). And moreso, he even petted her rubbery back to make her comfortable with his presence. To that end, Ellie let out a honking snort and sneezed all over his hair.
Luna did this for free, and every day was beyond Lucius. Why he himself was not a stranger to dirty work... this was raw and tough grinding with Lucius himself at the forefront, and very different from his political and magical escapades in his earlier days that simply required him to show up and gain submission with his sneer and image alone.
"Oh, Ellie, you naughty thing. I will have to remove the mangos from your diet if you do not stop that slobber of yours," Lucius threatened into the empty, trusting eyes of the Erumpent , who did not know a word of English.
Crackling his back, Lucius settled on the hay, opening up the little book. He had taken care of the Thestral fouls; he had fed the Pheonixes and brushed the Kneazles and...
"Ah, let go!" Lucius yelled as Ellie plucked the paper from his tired fingers.
"Drop it. Bad girl. Bad girl!" he yelled, stomping his foot.
But all too late, the creature had stuck the book into her mouth.
"Bloody Merlin, no!" Lucius cried. He had no other choice. It was this or the Crucio curse, and Luna would never forgive him. Rolling up his sleeves, he dove his hands into the Erumpent's mouth.
-x-x-x-
"Mr. Malfoy, we're home!" Luna cried, dropping her bags and heading straight for the Menagerie.
To her great shock and surprise, the result was indeed very pleasant. He had remembered the feeding and brushing schedules, and the Bowtruckles seemed to be in the right place on their respective branches.
"Ah, how wonderful," she said to herself with a smile.
But still, no sight of Lucius. She went from pen to pen, peeking in and not finding his hair.
Finally, she heard a yell and an Erumpent cry emerging from Ellie's pen. Oh dear.
She ran in to see Lucius, nearly waist-deep into Ellie's mouth.
"Lucius, I'm coming!" She cried out.
Quickly, she produced a handful of sand and tossed it into Ellie's trunk with a'sorry'. The creature blinked its eyes and let out a loud sneeze that sent Lucius flying backwards into a pile of hay.
"Oh. Oh!"
"Why?!" Luna cried, rushing over to his side and wiping Erumpent's slobber off of him. "Why would you go inside Ellie's mouth?!"
"I didn't... that little beast!"
"You could have been eaten!" Luna cried and then pulled the shocked man in for a big hug.
Lucius struggled back, waving the spine of the notebook in his hands. An empty and slobber-covered spine of her old handbook. "I am so sorry. So sorry."
"What?"
"Your book," Lucius whispered, "is ruined. But I can restore some pages from memory, I'm certain."
"Oh, forget the book! It's you I'm more worried about!" Luna said. "I can always replace that."
"I see," Lucius said softly, gazing into her eyes. "Well, I'm certain you can replace me just as well."
"Oh no, Mr. Malfoy," Luna said, shuddering. "I could never do that."
"Really?" He smiled like a Kneazle that had its cream.
"Really, really. How could you say such a positively hideous thing?" She said it crossly. "You are one of a kind."
"After the way I've treated you, I certainly deserve no different than any other pureblooded old geezer."
"You are not that old," she laughed. "And if you were to die, that would be very unfair of you because you promised me an entire manor. I thought the Malfoys kept their word."
"Little Minx," Lucius shrugged. "And so we do." He tugged at the camera on her neck. "I am certain your elevated mood has to do with the success of your mission."
"Oh yes! We had quite the trip with Maximo to get a photo of La Llorona."
"Maximo?"
She sighed. "Come along; this story will take time to tell."
Lucius pulled himself up. "I'm all ears. But first, a shower is in order."