Catharsis

By: Aviantei

a

Though it had taken some time to have our discussion about what had happened with Kamiya and make some sort of plan for talking to the others (I didn't help very much on that front, seeing as my subconscious ass kept questioning the seriousness of Hiroomi's intentions to go through with things), it wasn't late enough for dinner by the time we were done. I still felt exhausted from all the emotional processing, but not enough that I would back out on the promise I made. Then again, I'd been so worn-out during classes that my recollection of what we'd gone over today still kept me in the running for the title Truant Queen of the Prep Class that I couldn't guarantee I'd keep up on that particular deal in my life. So Hiroomi helped me review what we had for homework, and we spent enough time on handling assignments and studying for an upcoming history quiz I hadn't even realized was coming to make it closer to dinnertime.

Between that slice of normalcy and the sheer simplicity of the meal we had (I didn't understand what was just so funny about omurice that Hiroomi had to hide his snicker about it, but whatever), it felt like a simple evening at home. Then again, maybe it wasn't so simple, since this instance was the first time I'd had company over for dinner, but that just made me sound even more pathetic than usual, so I sat that aside.

With every piece of emotional upheaval I'd gone through in the past twenty-four hours, maybe I deserved this.

b

"Thank you again for dinner, Sugiyama-san," Hiroomi said for what might have been the twentieth time. Of course, given my tiredness, I could have lost count. It didn't change the fact that thanking me once would have been enough.

"I'm pretty sure I told you this was thanks for listening to me bitch. Now hush up," I said, knocking my knuckles against the top of Hiroomi's head as I passed to sit back down. With the dinner dishes vacated to the sink for later along with the already retired tea set, the table was mostly providing a physical buffer between us. "If anyone should be thanking anyone, it's me. I…appreciate you listening. And offering to help." In other words, I appreciate your existence right now, I didn't say, because Hiroomi didn't need that ego boost—and mentioning the general energy boost I got from his scarf wearing habit would've broken the mood.

Hiroomi chuckled. "Maybe we should just recognize that we're both thankful and leave it at that, hm?" Ah, yes, despite his overwhelming siscon tendencies, he was part of the prep class. He'd recognized that arguing with me over it wasn't going to get anywhere. He looked to his phone for the time, a slight frown marring his features. "As much as I enjoy your company, I should head home before it's too late…"

"Right. I don't mean to keep you." Considering that falling asleep wouldn't be too difficult with my current level of exhaustion, it wouldn't be too long before we'd see each other in class tomorrow, plus we'd have some sort of club gathering over the weekend to hash out the final selections of our anthology—among…other things.

(Things felt normal, but the company was distracting. Would I be okay if left on my own?

The thought of Kamiya lingered in the back of my mind, like it was waiting to pounce.)

Finished checking if everything in his bag was in order, Hiroomi made to stand up, but I opened my mouth before he got very far.

"Nase-kun," I said, not caring how ridiculous my words may have sounded, "would you be willing to read my fortune again?"

The beat of silence that followed that request was understandable. After all, I'd made my stance on the matter clear, even with my attempts to be more understanding. Hell, I still held onto that stance. Fortune telling and the supernatural were too far out there to accept as reality, but it didn't mean I could just ignore the practice given that half of my current stock of friends were from a notable fortune telling family.

I was worried last night, so I read your fortune again, Hiroomi had said.

"You said you weren't able to pick up more than bits and pieces when you do it on your own, right?" I asked, pushing forward since Hiroomi didn't seem to be remembering how to speak anytime soon. "Don't get me wrong; I still think this is nonsense. But if I can make you worry less about this, I at least owe you that."

"You don't owe me a thing, Sugiyama-san," Hiroomi said—though he did settle back into his seat. "But, yes, without a possession of yours to serve as some sort of focus point, I can't reliably see your future without your presence. So, if you don't mind, I'd…like to check."

Another beat of silence, this one a little more strained than the last. I focused on Hiroomi's scarf so I didn't have to pick apart the emotions coming together on his face. With neither of us looking straight at each other, we went through the familiar motions of the ever-reliable Holding Hands Thing (now elevated to proper noun status) and closing our eyes.

Then there was just silence and the quiet sound of us breathing, and I let the sensation of our skin touching ground me in the moment, give me a piece of tactile reality to focus on in a place where the memories couldn't reach me. And, if I were being honest, having that sliver of a moment was why I'd asked for this in the first place. If it happened to assure Hiroomi at all, too, then we'd both end up better off in the end.

Minutes passed.

The world felt like a pocket of peace amidst a storm.

Hiroomi exhaled, squeezed my fingers once, then pulled back.

"We're going to be okay, Sugiyama-san," he said, and that handful of words brought much more reassurance to me than I felt comfortable admitting.

"No impending death flags I should worry about?" I couldn't resist asking.

"No," Hiroomi said, flashing that soft smile of his, "and especially not if I have anything to say about it."

c

"Good morning, Sugiyama-senpai! Kanbara Akihito reporting for duty—especially duty towards your glasses!"

I stared at my glasses fetishist of a kouhai. In any potential context, his loud declaration would have been worth a disbelieving expression, but his current appearance took the cake, as he'd saluted the moment I was in earshot, right in front of my damn classroom.

It didn't matter that I'd managed to rest a decent amount last night; nothing would have left me feeling refreshed enough to put up with this.

Hey, me, remember that time yesterday when you thought it didn't matter if people noticed you? You were so, so, so incorrect. Including the incident in which Kanbara had arrived to recruit me for the fiftieth anthology project, this would be the second time he'd come and made a loud declaration about his interest in my glasses—though that wouldn't make too much of a distinction when it came to things like the rumor mill. My mind cycled through various options, trying to find the least pain in the ass response I could give to help abate this scenario.

Oh, who was I kidding? They were all pains in the ass.

"Since I don't remember assigning you any sort of duty, I have to wonder what the hell it is you think you're accomplishing," I said, trying to maintain a deadpan delivery. Please, my fellow third-years, chalk this up to the strange behavior of our kouhai and not the senpai he's claiming to report to.

"As a glasses enthusiast, it's always my duty to help bespectacled beauties such as yourself, Sugiyama-senpai." I half considered asking if I was higher or lower on the rankings than Kuriyama-chan, just to see him flail around a bit, but I was coming up very short on the spoons I had to give out to other people with my own Kamiya dilemma, and thus let Kanbara continue on in peace. "Though, to be more accurate, I'm running messenger for Mitsuki. We talked about some stuff at the end of our last meeting, after you left." If Kanbara had any inclination as to the real reason I'd bailed out early, he didn't show it on his face. "We decided that it would be better for us to have another overnight session at Mitsuki and Hiroomi's place. And since I mentioned that I wasn't sure you'd heard the news, here I am." Because Nase didn't want to do the job herself, I filled in.

Sometimes I almost felt bad for Kanbara, having to run around and do all of Nase's errands for her. Since I was so worn out, though, the most I at for the moment towards Kanbara was a passing notion of forming sympathy.

Getting it dumped on you that you'd have to prepare for another sleepover with your club members on the day of when you were already on the end of your emotional rope tended to do that.

I ran a hand down my face, feeling exhausted all over again. Was Nase more deserving of my ire, for not sending this messenger sooner (or, you know, just telling me herself like a responsible president), or should I gripe at Hiroomi, for not mentioning it when we'd spent the whole previous evening together? Kanbara may have just been the messenger at the moment, but it wasn't like he couldn't have sent me a mail or something since he had my address.

Oh, and Kuriyama-chan was free of fault in this scenario. Duh.

"Well, tell Nase that the message has reached its recipient," I said, subjecting myself to the flow like always. At least I'd made a conscious decision to get wrapped up in the Literary Club this time. I just had to hope that my homework load wouldn't be too much for the weekend. On top of club duties plus the potential discussion about Kamiya forthcoming, I didn't think I could take much more on my to-do list. "I would say that this sort of thing you can just message me about, but I know the real reason you came up here was to get a bonus dose of glasses."

"Damn straight," Kanbara said, hitting his fist against his chest with pride. "Thanks for the boost to my day, Sugiyama-senpai. I feel like I have way more energy than ever before now!" And with a flash of a second salute, Kanbara took off down the hallway. "If I don't get going, I'll get caught up in your glasses and be late to class. See you after school, Senpai!"

And, feeling like I'd just been hit by a fresh typhoon, I gave my own salute to Kanbara's retreating back and made my way to my own desk.

Godspeed, Glasses Fetishist Vice President. For the both of us.

d

The trip being my second to the Nase family home didn't make the size of it any less ridiculous. Even if you accounted for things like quarters to support the hired help, the place was still too damn big for a family of that size. There had to be, what? At least five of them, since I'd heard the Nase siblings mention their parents in passing before, plus there was the firstborn Elder Sister Izumi. If there were any other younger siblings, they must've not been sisters, otherwise Hiroomi would have been all over that.

Thank goodness. I shuddered to think of a world with another Nase Mitsuki in it.

I also shuddered at the prospect of the impending Kamiya Talk that was to come, but that wasn't something I'd have to deal with on my own.

I'd be there with you, if you wanted me to, and I'd make sure we saw this through to the end, Hiroomi had said.

"I must be in trouble if my siscon classmate is my best shot at moral support," I said under my breath after I'd rang the doorbell. Even more troublesome was that I felt reassured by the promise. Was that just a reflection of my own patheticness, or did I just need higher standards?

I'd already rang the manor's doorbell and received a greeting from one of the maids, so it was just a matter of getting let inside and starting up the shitshow that was to be dropping my emotional burdens on my clubmates. I adjusted the strap of my bag to alleviate some of the pressure on my shoulder, and the door opened. I took the moment to set my expression so I didn't gape at seeing a real life maid again, but all my hard work went to waste.

Hiroomi had opened the door.

"I'm glad you made it safely, Sugiyama-san," he said, and I nodded, too caught off guard to make another quip about my supposed impending death. "I guess I should apologize about not letting you know about today sooner. With everything we talked about, it slipped my mind."

"Don't worry about it." If I had been paying attention to what day of the week it was, then I would have thought of it sooner; we'd all but agreed to weekend hangouts until the anthology was done, anyways. "I'm here now, and this is going to happen. So let's get it over with."

Hiroomi's placid expression just had hints of concern in it, and he gestured his arm to wave me inside. Grateful for the immersion into air conditioning, I complied and then spent a decent chunk of my time appreciating his scarf. While Hiroomi seemed to have ones dedicated to both the summer and winter uniforms, his home collection was a bit more expansive; the choice of the day was a pure turquoise that added a pop of color to his otherwise muted outfit.

"You're the first one to show up," Hiroomi said (and I had made sure to listen, instead of just getting distracted by the view), "so it'll be a little bit before we can get started and discuss things. Still, we do have snacks ready, so help yourself. And, well." Hiroomi paused before we entered what I thought was the same living room area we'd use last time I was here. "If you need anything else, just let me know, alright? I meant it before when I said I'd support you."

"You sure do have a penchant for repeating the same things over and over," I said, but my voice wasn't mocking all the way through. Hiroomi looked the slightest bit abashed, but I patted him on the shoulder and went to step past him. "But I do appreciate you having my back, Nase-kun. Now let's go kick this anthology's ass."

e

Kuriyama-chan and Kanbara arrived in tandem, both of them citing some excuse about happening to run into each other by coincidence on the way (which, uh-huh, sure, you're not fooling this senpai), and then we got to work. Save for a couple of anthologies on my part that I just hadn't gotten to, everyone had completed their assigned reading, which meant that we could delve into the larger discussions on which pieces we wanted to move into the final consideration round.

Having a task to focus on was nice, and the experience from the previous weekend meant that I could conduct much more efficient one-on-one talks. Within the span of a few hours, we had our selection of finalists determined, and I slapped the completed list down on the table, making the all but decimated plate of macaroons wobble from the force.

"I'm just as surprised as the rest of you, but we did it," I said, feeling a rare sense of triumph course through me. Not even the encounter with Kamiya could completely decimate my pride in a job well done. "Now what's left is for everyone to read these, pick out their favorites, and then vote. From there, it's all the assembly work of getting this thing up and ready to print."

A series of assembly work which would just so happen to involve writing an introduction—which was at the moment assigned to Kamiya.

I tried not to make my swallow too obvious.

"Not bad," Nase said, sounding at least a little impressed. I estimated that about half of the macaroons we'd eaten had been her doing, but there wasn't much point in keeping track of such things. "This shouldn't be too hard for us all to finish reading this week, and then we can wrap things up by Sunday." Given that the week after that was going to dump us straight into exams, I sure hoped we could clear things up. "Well, we're going to need everyone to have anthology copies to read these. Akihito, Aniki, go get them."

The fact that Nase had (I presumed) brought copies of all the anthologies from the school to her house was a well thought out move, though I did have questions about the logistics. Kanbara groaned as he looked over the list of works one more time, noting the number of distinct anthology numbers we had to work back through. Hiroomi, though he'd jumped to attention at a request from Nase almost right away, managed catch himself in time and cleared his throat.

"Before that, everyone," he said, and I was already going back over my mental script of what I intended to say, "if you don't mind, there's something we need to discuss." Hiroomi glanced to me, and I sucked in a breath before taking the initiative and just blurting the whole thing out.

No one interrupted when I told the story, and it wasn't until I'd composed myself enough that I was willing to look up. Kanbara's brow was furrowed in a mix of disbelief and anger, while Kuriyama-chan let out a "How unpleasant" with much more venom than I'd gotten accustomed to in her tone. Hiroomi, though he'd known the story already, still looked as upset as before. Nase, with her eternal resting poker face, was the same as always.

"So in short," she said, a macaroon poised to get eaten up the second she was done delivering her latest brutal line, "you were too much of a coward to stand up to this guy before, and now you want our help cleaning up your mess."

"Oi!" Kanbara said, and even Hiroomi let out a scolding "Mitsuki!" that I hadn't been expecting. Despite the team up, Nase didn't make any sort of mood to retract her statement, instead chewing on her macaroon with all the disinterest of someone munching through a bucket of popcorn on autopilot. Kanbara scowled at his friend. "You can't just—"

"Don't worry about it," I said, cutting him off. This whole situation was going to be enough of a mess without the others arguing. "Nase's right. I ran away from the situation before, and I still don't have the guts to tell him off on my own. Having that much backbone isn't something that I'm suited to do."

"But Senpai…" Kuriyama-san said, her eyes glistening with tears behind the lenses of her glasses. "You can't call something like this your fault. It's complicated, right? I mean, you admired him so much." I didn't know whether Kuriyama-chan hadn't noticed my massive crush on him or she was choosing to omit it from her wording, but I was grateful either way. "It's always difficult whenever someone you care about is part of the problem."

"Kuriyama-san's right," Kanbara said. Seeing him with such a serious expression was just surreal. "Getting something like this brought up after all this time can't be easy." There it was again; that sensation that everyone knew things that I didn't. "Sheesh, if we'd done a better job with the anthology, you wouldn't have gotten dragged into this, Sugiyama-senpai."

I raised an eyebrow. "Even if that meant you wouldn't have been able to get double the glasses dose per club meeting?" Kanbara's mouth flapped a few times, and I shook my head. "Sorry, I'm deflecting. Regardless of what ifs, we're in this situation now. And whether or not you all decide to help me, I'm going to go through with this anyway. I…won't let my stupid idolization get in the way of my pride as an author any longer."

I had been the one to write that piece, not Kamiya.

I deserved to have the recognition for it—no matter how small of a piece that may end up being.

"Of course we're going to support you, Sugiyama-senpai!" Kuriyama-chan said, leaning forward far enough to almost scatter the remaining macaroons. "We can't let someone get away with taking someone else's work. That's just—that would just be beyond unpleasant!"

"Yeah!" Kanbara said, pumping his fist. "We won't let him take care of the anthology intro anymore, either. I mean, yeah, we'll have to figure out another option, but it's not like that's too much of a hassle. Right, Mitsuki?"

Kanbara's question held a tone that brokered no argument, but Nase didn't seem to be in a quibbling mood, as she shrugged. "Anyone who has to plagiarize someone else's work just to get ahead doesn't deserve a spot in our anthology."

It may just be me, but I think that's the nicest thing she's ever said.

When I looked to Hiroomi, he was giving me a look that seemed to say, I told you they'd be willing to help. Or maybe I was just interpreting it wrong, and he was happy with his sister's response. Either way, it didn't change the fact that the four people sitting at the table with me had all chosen to stand by my side and help.

I'm…not alone anymore.

I didn't know what was more shocking: that realization, or the fact that it didn't bother me in the slightest.

f

Since Hiroomi and I had done the major brainstorming on how to handle the situation already, it wasn't like we needed to have a group session to figure out what we were going to do. In terms of the anthology, if we chose to keep the piece, then it would be printed with my name as the author. There would also be the matter of having someone else write the new introduction, but Nase said she'd handle it, and that was that. As for Ishikawa-sensei, Hiroomi and I would take care of that come Monday.

All the others needed to do was voice their support if necessary and focus on picking out the final anthology pieces—and the assembly and printing, of course. But we couldn't work on any of that without our selection of pieces, so it was a natural progression of priorities.

We took a break for dinner, got our distributions of anthologies to check out the finalists, and spent a bit of the evening on reading. There were very few works I hadn't stuck my nose into already, so I spent my time reviewing my notes and skimming back over the stories to give myself a refresher before I made my final choices. That level of focus we'd achieved on Thursday afternoon hadn't vanished in the slightest, and it was Kuriyama-chan starting to nod off that clued us in to the late hour and made us decide to break for the evening.

We did have the potential of tomorrow laid out before us, after all.

g

To make up for my super standoffish attitude the last time we'd used the Nase home, I did stay in the bath a bit longer than just washing myself off. Kuriyama-chan may have been tired, but even I could see she was excited by the idea. Well, as much as I could see anything without my glasses and steam everywhere. That was kind of a losing match.

Even putting for Kuriyama-chan's sake aside, I was more than happy to enjoy a long soak in hot water. My bath at home was okay, but the Nase's was the equivalent to a whole damn hot springs inside their home. Again, we were looking at the joys of being born into money.

Ah, it'd be nice to marry into something like this. Would Nase-kun object to a marriage of convenience? I bet I could make him agree if I called him "Onii-chan" at the right moment during the proposal. Hell, Nase herself doesn't seem like the type that would object to an arrangement like that so long as it benefits her. We'd just agree to stay out of each other's way, and it'd be great.

Both of those ideas had extensive flaws, but it was a nice fantasy, regardless. I'd just have to take advantage of the bath while I had the chance and use it to relax.

"It's hard to believe that we're only through the first trimester of the year," Kuriyama-chan said, her voice hitting that tone where you could tell a person was tired but still lucid overall. "It seems like so much has happened already…"

"You're telling me," I said. I think I had enough adventures happen in the last two and a half months than I had in the rest of my life. Maybe the universe was just catching up to me for straight-up abandoning anything but the essentials when I was a second year.

"There will be time to think about that sort of thing once we've finished this anthology," Nase said as she sunk into the bath. It was probably the first time I'd seen her with her hair in any style other than hanging loose, and it formed a loose black bun at the top of her head. Since Kuriyama-chan and I had shorter hair, neither of us had to worry about things like that. "Sheesh. If it weren't for all the people who backed out of club, we wouldn't be in this mess."

I shrugged, water spilling down my shoulders with the motion. "Not much we can do about that now." Besides, if I had to guess, the lack of charisma from our President might have been part of the cause. The no-nonsense attitude might have pissed me off from time to time, but I could work with it. Not everyone had the same tolerance as I did, though. "What matters is that we're going to finish this thing. And then we can do a much more subdued project for the next issue."

Ah, wait—

"So you're planning on staying, Sugiyama-senpai?" Kuriyama-chan said, the water splashing as she sat up straighter. For a moment, Nase grimaced, though she was a champ at smoothing out her expression. Kuriyama-chan clasped her hands together. "I'm so glad. I was worried that you were going to quit afterwards."

Well, your worries were justified, considering that was the plan. I kept the thought to myself, because I wasn't sure anymore. When I'd said that I'd think about joining the club for real once the anthology was done, I'd just been playing at lip service so I'd have an easy out when the time came. No promises, no guarantees.

But now…

"Part of why you bailed out of club was because it reminded you of all the junk with Kamiya, right?" Nase asked, as blasé as ever. She was, naturally and frustratingly, correct. "Well, once we settle things here, that'll be done. If you decide not to stick around, you'd just be running away again."

A very accurate and annoying fatal blow.

"You know," I said through a half-grimace, "you're a real piece of work, Nase."

She dipped her head in acknowledgement, as if saying, I try.

h

I'm going to have to draw up a map of this place or something.

The halls were dark enough that I could assume that the time was an approximation of late o'clock. With our bath done, the three of us had retreated to bed, once more on the futon layout in Nase's room. Kuriyama-chan and Nase had chatted for a bit, but the exhaustion had caught up to me enough that I passed out mid-sentence. In fact, I was impressed that I'd even woken up in the middle of the night, but I needed to run to the restroom, leading to my current predicament:

I'd gotten lost again.

I'd mentioned before that the Nase manor was way too heckin' big for any average sized nuclear family, but I needed to emphasize it again. I hadn't taken any stairs, but I still didn't recognize any of the hallways I'd trudged through on my attempts to get back to Nase's room. Hell, by the time I did get back, it'd either be morning or I'd be too keyed up to fall back asleep.

While the Nases kept their home clean, there were plenty of decorative pictures and knickknacks lining the halls, almost like navigational landmarks. Follow the gold flower vases and then take a left at the painting of a monster fish in ice. That sort of thing.

If it weren't for my previous room screwup still lingering in my memory, I might have just resigned myself to opening doors and plopping down on the first futon I saw. At least this time I had my glasses on my face so I could see just how lost I was.

Maybe if I can find a living room, I'll just camp out on a couch 'til morning…

With a yawn pulling its way out of my throat, that idea was becoming more and more tempting by the second. I thought I recognized the landscape painting nearby, for what little good it did me. So if I turn here, I should be able to get somewhere, right?

Keeping my right hand on the wall like I was navigating a maze, I followed the path I thought might get me back to the room we'd been doing our anthology work in. As I rounded a corner, I noticed the dim yellowness of a light on. Again, it was late, but maybe there were some evening-shift maids or something? If nothing else, I could ask for directions back to Nase's room, as embarrassing as it would be.

Hoping that my tiredness would make it easier to not be a nervous wreck when asking for help, I trudged forward, blinking to adjust back out of my night vision. There were a few beeps of sounds, and I recognized the hum that followed. I'd somehow made it all the way to the kitchen in my lost wanderings, which I thought might be on the opposite end of the house to where Nase's bedroom was.

Yup, fabulous work, me.

Catharsis

FIFTEENTH

Who bothers with microwaves at this time of night?

[Author's Notes]

And so we make progress. Also like a handful of crumbs of fluff. You're welcome.

Thanks to Valen Goncalvez for the review since last time! You're the bomb. Please know this story will in fact get to Hiroomi POV one of these days...

I've manged to survive the school year, and I'll be headed on vacation soon! It's all good things here. Maybe I can pass some of those good things onto Sugiyama lol.

Next time, all I can promise is that there will be Izumi content. Please look forward to it!

-Avi

[05.14.2022]