note: *yawns* well hello

Carlisle wasn't home. But then again, he hadn't been home for the last 96 hours. His family acted like it was normal for him to take long, restless shifts. I supposed it was a thing then. I was free to wander around his study. I purposefully avoided looking at his wooden desk. He hadn't had it replaced. I could see the chipped part I made when he licked me to oblivion.

There were so many things I loved about his study. Carlisle's love for books was evident in his priceless literature collection. I would even dare say, he even had copies of pieces that he and the Vatican archives shared. In a corner, he had a desk where he wrote his journals and his books. He liked to write them by hand. He had an elegant handwriting that I much preferred. I sat on the chair of the small desk, looking over his latest notes.

I knew I was prying. But I didn't have much to do. I've already read for five hours, listened to Edward's pianoforte, browsed the catalogue with Alice, played shooting games with Emmett, and served assistant handyman to Rosalie. I was bored out of my wits. I suppose I could hunt but I wasn't very enthused by the idea.

Joham Gonçalves - Born late 1560s

"Scientist", as he calls himself. Though I beg to differ. He was a man in his early 40s , of great curiosity, and a man of evolution. I would describe him as eccentric, but in all honesty, he was mad. I met him once in 1847, before I left for the New World. He studied vampire abilities and our physiology. Subjects which I, too, had studied. We shared and compared notes. I didn't know about the reality of his "experiment" then but he was obsessively discussing about half-breeds and even asked me if I were willing to be a part of his "project".

The concept of half-breeds never crossed my mind. It was physiologically impossible, at least that's what I convinced myself. But my research did prove that our venom functioned almost the same way as blood. And thus, the same principle is applied on our seed. Though unlike Joham, I was repulsed by the idea of creating half-breeds. I know Aro would not agree. Immortal children had already been agreed to be destructive. These half-breeds would most likely be the same.

In the summer of 1995, I met Jennifer Hughes. A little girl about the age of eight or nine, accompanied by a woman she called her sister. Serena had the same dark eyes of Gonçalves .

I recognized them as half-bre—

"Found something interesting?"

I was terrible at being a vampire. I didn't even notice someone entering the room. Carlisle sat on the large settee. He was looking at me directly. The collar of his shirt was crimson. I could smell the blood of the deer he fed on. His cuffs and sleeves were dirtied, too as though he cleaned his mouth with them after finishing. Strands of his blond hair framed his face and there were purplish bags under his eyes.

I shot up from my seat quickly. "I —" I winced. "Well, yes. A lot actually."

His lips twitched. "Good, otherwise I would have been disappointed." I looked at him strangely. What did he mean by that? He stood up, looking weary and stopped just in front of me.

"So, are you home for good?" I asked, my gaze on the papers. I was thankful I was no longer human and couldn't be so flustered.

"For now." He nodded.

I picked up the first page of his notes. "Is this true?"

Carlisle peered down at me patiently. "Have I ever written anything untrue you've read so far?"

I frowned. "Alright, no need to get so huffy."

He chuckled and rested his hips on the edge of the desk facing me. Again, for some bizarre reason, I felt flushed. I stepped back to give us both some space. I couldn't concentrate on my curiosity if he was inches away from me. There was dried blood on his jaw and cheek. Carlisle must have been ravenous when he got out of his shift.

I rarely get to see him in such a state. There was something wild seeing Carlisle not look so put together. I wanted to lick the blood off.

Snapping out of my haze, I asked, "what are these half-breeds like?"

"Human, mostly." Carlisle answered without hesitation, looking down at his notes. "I thought the sisters were humans with a very common heart condition. They were more mortal than vampires. They could eat, sleep, and even bleed."

I registered Carlisle's words in wonder.

"Then why don't I know any half-breeds? Aren't they common?"

He sifted through the pages. "Isabella, you overestimate our kind's control too much. As much as Joham obsessed over the concept of half-breeds and offered hopeful vampire couples a chance to raise children, his vision was half-baked, and maybe even delusional." He paused. "The vampires who volunteered couldn't impregnate the human women. They've drained them all before the deed was done."

My eyes shot up to Carlisle in horror. He continued, "Joham himself didn't have the perfect control. He tried to mate with many human women before he succeeded in conceiving his first born Serena. With his success, he was able to finally monitor half-breeds from conception until maturity." Carlisle watched my expression shift between horror and disbelief.

"He proceeded to have three more."

I swallowed thickly. "And he tried to convince you into participating in this hybrid experiment? Why?"

Carlisle's smile was unreadable. "He thought I was the perfect man to further his ambition. I was a physician and had perfect control over my bloodlust. He also knew I was the Stregoni benefici. He wouldn't have to worry about fallouts."

"If that's the case, why didn't you accept?"

He stared at me in surprise, clearly taken aback by my question. "I beg your pardon?"

I met his gaze unflinchingly and repeated my question, "why didn't you accept?"

Carlisle tried his best not to look insulted but failed miserably.

"I," he looked away and sighed, massaging his eyes. "I confess I did think of it. Very briefly. I would have liked a mate and a child but eventually the thought became repulsive. I would never seduce a human woman to impregnate her. I craved companionship but I wasn't that desperate."

I had an epiphany. That perhaps if I hadn't been in that accident, had I continued to live as a human, I would have met Carlisle and I would have let him ... I clenched my fist.

While I was extremely disgusted by Joham, I couldn't help but think if vampire women were as capable of conception as vampire men. But as quick as that question formed in mind, the answer came quickly. With that logic, Rosalie would have dozens by now.

"For now, Joham isn't a problem. I'm having him watched closely."

"Why not just report him to the Volturi?"

"And have his children killed? Aro can't differentiate immortal children to half-breeds. They're all the same to him." Carlisle curled his lips. "They're innocents. Joham will answer to me if he missteps."

I nodded slowly in understanding. "Does the coven know about this?"

"No." He shook his head.

I bit my lip. "and you're okay with me knowing?"

"Yours is the only mind Edward can't read." Carlisle said pointedly. "Your mind could be impenetrable enough from Aro. Sweetheart, I could tell you all of my secrets and I wouldn't care."

"Don't be absurd." I smiled slightly in amusement. The thought of me being Carlisle's personal diary made me laugh.

There was silence for a moment, and I could hear the tick of the clock like a ticking time bomb.

I didn't know who made the first move. Only that I was pulling a fistful of Carlisle's shirt and I was pinned to his desk with him between my legs. We stared at each other heatedly.

Carlisle looked torn. "Bella, we can't—"

I pressed my core to the bulge of his pants. He let out a trembling sigh, his own hips bucking. I moaned at the sensation, the friction making me feel more intoxicated. His just fed ochre eyes darkened as he gazed down at me. I offered my lips to him, craning my neck for his access. "Please-" I whispered.

I met Carlisle's small thrusts, ignoring the trembling of my limbs. His eyes seemed to glow as his hands climbed my thighs, appreciating my newfound interest in skirts. When, in truth, it was Alice who had absolute control over my wardrobe.

He still refused to kiss me. I pulled his collar down though his hands quickly took my hands and pinned them on the desk.

I've never been this bold as a human. I was shy and mostly withdrawn. But it couldn't be helped. Carlisle had written that vampires were very sexual creatures, eager to mate, eager for pleasure. And he knew that. Perhaps, that's why he was allowing me, indulging me.

With the thin fabric of my panties, I could feel Carlisle's hardness grinding against my core. I pleaded Carlisle, "Please, kiss me..." My venom stung my eyelids. He groaned, hands on my hips, thrusting harder and faster.

"Devious girl, you know I can't refuse you and you do this to me."

Was this what Esme felt when she was newborn? Wanton and desiring her sire like this, gasping for air and wanting more? Perhaps, Carlisle couldn't deny her, wanted her the same way she did him, and married her. The thought made me sob.

Taking in the frustrated tears in my eyes and my swollen bitten lips, Carlisle finally took pity on me and captured my lips hungrily. I moaned in relief, holding Carlisle's nape. I played with the strands of blond hair as we kissed and grinded.

He pressed his hips more deliciously at the junction of my thighs. I reached for his hand and placed them on my left breast. He moaned and caressed his tongue with mine. My clit throbbed and wetness gushed as I came. Carlisle let out a guttural groan, redirecting his lips to pepper my neck with kisses.

I panted and kept my hand on his head which rested on my shoulder.

"I really think I should get a bonded mate." I whispered a little teasingly.

"Not Edward?" He raised his head to look at me properly.

I thought of crimson eyes and dark brown hair. "No..." I said absently.

He stared at me. "You have someone in mind." He said plainly. "Who is it?"

"I-" I played with his collar absently, looking straight at the buttons of his crumpled shirt. "I don't know him very much." I shook my head. "It's a silly thing. I met him once."

Carlisle tilted his head.

"He's not like us, is he?" He asked, roving his eyes around my face. I nodded slowly. "He feeds on humans. Probably a nomad, too. Do you want that?"

"I don't know..." I trailed off. "And it's not like I can't make him join our diet."

"Our way of life is hard to maintain. Whoever this person is, he can't just join us." His lips curled disapprovingly.

"But Jasper," I bit my lip. "He joined the coven with Alice struggling with his control. If Jasper can, why can't he? I can project my shield to help him with his bloodlust."

"Sweetheart, that's ... thoughtful of you. But you'll be making him entirely dependent on your gift." Carlisle bent down to kiss my shoulder, his hand climbing up my skirt. I jolted. "Who is he?"

I squeaked when he touched my wet folds.

"I- no one." I whispered breathlessly. He pushed a finger inside me and circled my clit. "I-I don't think he was even interested in me." I sucked in a breath.

I think he likes you.

"Oh, he's either blind or a fool." Carlisle muttered as his lips climbed down to the swell of my chest. He bit down the skin. "You'll leave us so soon? For someone who doesn't share your ideals, Isabella? Do you think you can stomach drinking human blood?"

I tried to push his hand away, feeling overwhelmed by the stimulation and our conversation. "I'm not ... I'm not thinking of leaving. Never mind me, I was b-being silly. Besides, he was nice and—"

"Quiet." He said quietly. "We haven't even had you for a year and you're already so eager to leave."

I protested even as he touched me intimately. "You said I should find a bonded mate to stop —" my head fell back as Carlisle's finger stroke a spot inside of me.

"I did." His lips pulled into an unkind smile. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I only think you deserve better."

The wood I held onto turned into sawdust when I came, convulsing and tightening as his hands slowed down. Carlisle's head was buried in my chest, his mouth sucking my nipple roughly. I hadn't even noticed him bringing down the straps of my top. The sight was so vulgar I couldn't help but to bite my lip. Carlisle removed his hand from my legs and licked his fingers clean.

"I'll ask again, sweet girl. Who is he?" Carlisle asked, his tone so patient and kind I would've thought he hadn't done what he just did.

"Garrett." I panted and pulled his collar down to kiss him ravenously.