I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I did a lot of it last night after I got in from my sixth form Christmas party and I had had a little to drink.

It's not as fun as any of the others but I got the idea and couldn't shake it so here it is.

He couldn't help it, as soon as the flag had been folded, the guns fired in salute and taps played, he ran. He knew it looked bad, he was running from his own seconds funeral, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't deal with the looks on the faces around him. Her family had been there and her brother's children had been crying while Mark himself had looked close to tears and his wife had silent tears running down her face. At some point her had caught Jacob's eye and seen the sorrow there, but he had also seen a hardness that he felt was directed at him.

He skidded to a halt and sank to the floor, leaning against a tree. He sat taking heaving breaths. While Daniel had been quick to tell him that it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help but think that it was because they hadn't actually buried Carter in that grave, it was an empty coffin, she was actually down as missing in action presumed dead, and it was all his fault. He was the leader; it should have been him that was at the back of the group, not Carter.

The last that had been seen of Sam had been as Jack, Daniel and Teal'c had crashed through the trees, chasing the Jaffa that had taken her and when they had finally caught up Sam had given them a sad, understanding smile before she and the Jaffa had been ringed aboard a cloaked ship and had disappeared.

They had searched and their allies had all promised to keep their eyes and ears peeled for any information on the missing Major, but after a year and a half of nothing, not even a whisper, Jacob and Mark had made the decision to bury her. Jacob had known from the beginning that it was unlikely he would ever see his daughter again and after so much time Mark had come to the same conclusion. The funeral today was closure for the family, although Jack knew that neither he nor Jacob would ever stop searching.

He looked up as he heard someone approaching. He was about to tell whoever it was to leave him alone when he saw that it was Mark coming towards him. He looked back at his feet and muttered, "Sorry I ran, I meant to disrespect."

Mark shook his head and dropped down beside Jack, leaning against the tree too. "You were close to Sam," Mark said after a few moments of silence, "She was always talking about you and the rest of your team, it was always Colonel O'Neill this Daniel that. It used to annoy me," he started picking at the grass in front of him, "But then I realised that it was all I was going to get out of her about her work so I started listening. You were the best friends she ever had and you were all closer to her than I ever was, or ever could have hoped to be. So don't apologise, you miss her just as much as I do, if not more, and you managed to hold it together until the end better than I did."

He stopped talking and Jack took over, "She loved you Mark, and she was so proud to be an aunt to your kids."

He too fell silent and the two men sat looking out over the graves of so many loved ones that people had lost.

"Why did you run?" Mark finally questioned, looking over at Jack's slumped figure.

"Because it's my fault she's gone, it should have been me, not her, that was last, that was taken, and we should have run faster, we should have gotten her back," Jack said, not looking up from the leaf he had been shredding as he spoke.

Mark looked at him, shocked by his words. "No," he finally said, "If it had been you, or any of the rest of your team, she wouldn't have been Sam anymore. I saw her when Daniel was missing and I never wanted to see her like that again."

Jack didn't answer, just picked up another leaf and started ripping it apart too. Mark watched this obviously devastated man, knowing that under the stern military face he was showing the world, he was upset and he was mourning, and Jack guessed that it was more so that anyone else who had been at his sister funeral.

After a few silent minutes and another leaf Mark stood and reached into the pocket of his suit. He pulled out an envelope and placed it beside Jack. "Last time I saw Sam she gave me this, wouldn't tell me what it was, just told me not to open it and that if anything were to happen to her I was to give it to you."

"Thank you," Jack said, finally looking up from his leaf, "And I'm sorry for your loss."

Mark just nodded once before walking over to where he could see his wife and children standing, watching and comforting each other.

Jack followed his path for a few metres before he reached to his side and picked up the envelope. He turned it over in his hands a few times. It looked like any old envelope, with Colonel Jack O'Neill written on the front.

He took a deep breath and flipped it over before ripping it open. Inside was a folded piece of paper. He pulled it out and unfolded it, placing the envelope back on the floor beside him as he did so.

He looked around once before looking back at the sheet of paper in his hand and beginning to read what was written.

Hi sir, or maybe I should just get it over with and call you Jack, since I'm probably dead and you can't write me up for being insubordinate.

In fact, if you are reading this then I probably am dead since I asked Mark to give you this if something ever happened to me.

I wrote other letters but this is the only one I felt I should write by hand, the others are all in a protected file on my lap top. I actually don't know why I'm writing this, or why I wrote any of the others but at a guess I would say that it's because we so many people die and they never get the chance to say goodbye, and I want a chance to say goodbye. The other letters are on my lap to and the password is fishing.

As he read he felt a weak smile appear on his face before he continued reading the words that Sam had written for him, in what looked like fountain pen. Her goodbye to him.

I know you're probably going to be blaming yourself for whatever happened to me, but don't Jack, just don't, it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could have done Jack, because I know you and you would have tried everything in your power to stop what happened, so if I'm dead you tried everything and you couldn't have done anymore.

I think you should know that I would have gone fishing with you eventually, I was just waiting for the right time, the right moment; I'm just sorry that it never did happen.

I will always regret keeping it in the room Jack. I know that telling you this now isn't going to do anything but I thought you deserved to know. When I said that I was thinking about our carers, not about us, and I am so sorry, Jack, so sorry. You said to me that you cared about me more than you should and that meant everything to me, and when I said the same thing what I meant was that I had fallen in love with you Colonel Jack O'Neill, and I would love you now and forever.

I have one last request Jack, and I want you to pass it on to everyone else too. Don't be sad, mourn me and then move on, get on with your lives because I died doing to job I loved and I wouldn't change a thing that happened since I meet you. Everything we've been through has changed us into the people we are today, but I won't let my death change you, it can't. Teal'c with the biggest heart of all of us, Daniel with his sometimes reckless thirst for knowledge, and you, the strongest and most honest man I could ever had hoped to have meet.

I am with you always, even in death, especially since you need someone to keep you out of trouble, or to get you out of it.

You can't run forever Jack, no one can, especially not me.

Love from all my heart

Sam

He refolded the letter and put it back into the envelope before pushing himself up off the floor and brushing of his uniforms. After straightening his jacket he put the envelope into his pocket.

He squared his shoulders and headed towards where Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c and Jacob had all gathered with Mark and his wife and children.

He felt the smile on his face become slightly stronger as he grew closer to the group. Sam was right, she may be gone but she was still with all of them, in their hearts, and she wasn't going anywhere.