I impress myself with these fast updates ;) don't expect much of that, I was merely feeling inspired. Hope you like ! btw I really love writing in the twins perspective now, so that's just gonna be a regular thing. But don't worry more perspectives will be coming soon ! Without further adieu, enjoy !

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran.

Chapter 8

I was running. He was after me. I couldn't see him, but I knew it. My hands were covered in blood, not my own. Tears were falling down my face uncontrollably. I was panicked, looking everywhere for him. Suddenly, I heard branches breaking right behind me.

He was here.

Terror enveloped me,and I tried to run faster and faster.

"You can't outrun me forever…" came the cruel and mocking voice I had come to know so well.

I tripped and fell, shaking so hard I couldn't even bring myself to stand. Suddenly, he was looming over me, leering at me. Closer and closer he got. I couldn't even choke out a scream.

'Help me, help me,' I prayed over and over again, to no one and anyone.

I tried to run away again, but his grip was too strong. I opened my mouth to scream...

I jolted up in my bed, screaming. Another nightmare. Lately, they had been less threatening, but I couldn't outrun his influence over me.

I looked at my clock, five in the morning. I knew there was no chance of sleep again.

I took some deep breaths, trying to loosen the knot of fear that had tightened in my chest. Willing myself not to cry, I made my way to the bathroom to get a drink of water.

I surveyed myself in the mirror. There were large bags under my eyes, and while I had gained some much needed weight these last couple of weeks, it was harder to erase the lines I had gained at the young age of sixteen.

Sometimes, I couldn't believe that I was sixteen, and that it hadn't even been a year. I felt that I had lived a lifetime in this state of constant anxiety and overwhelming grief.

It was easier to ignore the pain when I was with the Host Club, but I could never truly forget. Those boys were all so carefree, but I sensed so much hidden depth in all of them. Stupidly enough, I had started to care for them.

I hadn't meant to, but I was getting attached.

At times like these, when I was on my own, it was almost easy to imagine distancing myself from them. But still I found myself being inexplicably drawn into their antics whenever they were present.

But they were growing too close.

I needed distance, now. Soon, I would start opening up about my previous life, and while it may have been good-even great for a while, it always ended the same.

Still, after all these months, I couldn't yet find words to explain the emptiness inside of me. Sometimes, with the Host Club, I could feel the emptiness diminishing, but when I was alone with only my thoughts, the emptiness seemed as strong as ever.

While my physical scars were healed, the emotional scars I still carried were raw and bleeding.

I don't know if it will ever stop.

I splashed some water on my face to try and rid myself of these weary thoughts. If only it were that easy.

By the time I was ready for school, it was six o'clock. I started walking, figuring I could get ahead on some homework before I had to get to class.

Mostly, I was just hoping to avoid running into the Host Club until I had my bearings together. I was also quite nervous. Tonight was going to be my first night back at work.

I was scared to face Kurosaki-senpai. He was a kind man, but I had been awful. I was still in a bad place, but not nearly as desperate as that day. I couldn't believe it had only been two weeks since that horrible affair. Kurosaki had originally said to stay away for a week, but when I had gone by, he had gruffly told me to wait another week. Something was off with him, but it wasn't my place to question him. I was just glad that I still had a job.

I knew that Kyouya-senpai had paid my first and last month's rent. My new landlord, who was a kind old lady, had told me that it was covered. She never said by who, but it wasn't that hard to figure out. I felt bad, and had a personal book accounting all of the personal debts I owed them, on top of my original debt.

It's crazy how instantly your life can change. Just like breaking that vase, or other things.

Terrible things.

I think that at this point I grieved more for myself than that which I had lost. I was left with the aftermath. Sometimes, I think comically of that John Mayer song, Why Georgia?

"I am invincible, as long as I'm alive." That's what he says.

I used to believe that to be true, thinking myself omnipotent, untouched by the horrors you hear about in everyday life. How misguided was I? Back then, I used to think dying was the worst thing that could happen to someone.

But I was wrong.

Living was harder.

Some days, like today, I just wanted to sleep forever, or maybe stop existing. My thoughts were never pleasant, but some days it was just downright excruciating.

To carry around not only pain, but this smothering guilt, isn't what I would call living. It's a half existence, where I'm constantly fighting tears and fake smiles.

I finally arrived at school, unable to escape my morbid thoughts.

Today was going to be a bad day.

HIKARU'S POV

Kaoru and I actually arrived at school early for once in our lives. Normally, we were running behind schedule, not really caring if we were late or not.

But recently, we had been getting to school on time, if only because Haruhi was always sure to be here early. Some days, she would be waiting in front of the class for us to arrive.

When that happened, I felt so happy, I didn't really understand why, but ever since Haruhi had first come here, she had left a deep impression on me. I know that Kaoru feels the same way. We don't ever talk about it in a lot of detail, because it scares us.

It's been the two of us since forever. We were the only ones who could always differentiate between one another. And then came this mysterious, stunning girl. She can easily tell us apart, and see right through most of our bullshit.

I want to let her in, to grow closer. But she has secrets of her own. Anyone can see that. I worry about what's so terrible that she can't even tell us. Even though it's been two months since she first joined the Host Club, she's barely loosened up.

I'm sick of waiting for her to decide it's the right time.

I want answers.

Without consulting Kaoru, I'm going to be doing some questioning of my own, and I'm not going to let her maneuver out of things. Today, I'm going to get the truth from Haruhi Fujioka.

That's a promise.

KAORU'S POV

I knew that Hikaru was up to something.

He was actually being quiet, dead giveaway. Hikaru liked to think together, so I knew it had to be deep and personal if he wasn't even sharing it with me. I loved having Hikaru as my twin, don't get me wrong, but sometimes he could be exhausting.

It would probably have to do with Haruhi, this plan that he seemed to be concocting this very moment. I had to try my best to divert him. As much as I wanted to strangle the truth from that girl myself sometimes, she was too vulnerable.

Hikaru was more selfish than me, even though he was older.

He was blinded by his need to know the truth, and to deepen our bond with Haruhi.

But I could see past my own need, see that Haruhi was struggling, and hurting. It wasn't the time to bring things up. To be honest, I'm not sure if it'll ever be time, but I have to respect her privacy.

Hikaru will thank me for interfering later, when he comes to his senses.

Just then we pulled up to the school.

Hikaru rushed to get out, always eager to see Haruhi for as long as possible. I was hurrying myself.

We checked the classroom, but she was nowhere around. Giving each other slightly alarmed glances, Hikaru and I hurried to the nearest library. I don't know why, but I was afraid for Haruhi.

She followed a set routine, and was quite predictable.

Except when she was in a state.

We had only seen her like that once, but once was enough. I couldn't bear seeing that much anguish on her face.

It aged her unnaturally, just thinking about whatever had happened to her.

That's why I couldn't condone Hikaru trying to get the truth from her. She was in enough pain already. I don't think she's even come to terms with what happened to her. Spilling her secrets to us would probably do nothing but cause more unnecessary suffering.

With ten minutes until class, and no sign of Haruhi, I was seriously starting to worry.

Hikaru doesn't handle being worried well. As such, he decided to snap at me. I merely ignored him, and focused my efforts on finding Haruhi.

We had been searching her usual spots for twenty five minutes, to no avail.

Exasperated, and with two minutes to get to class, Hikaru and I reluctantly turned back to our room.

We arrive with one minute to spare, and just as the bell rang, Haruhi breezed in, taking her seat in between us without a word.

There were no signs of tears on her face, but she looked tight and drawn.

Not a good sign.

"Where were you, Haruhi? We looked everywhere for you!" said Hikaru, making no effort to soften his words.

Haruhi winced as if she had received a blow.

"I was running late today. Sorry for wasting your time," she said distantly.

Her eyes were blank, and her mouth was set.

She refused to acknowledge either of us.

"Don't be sorry for wasting our time. I don't care if time was wasted. We were worried about you," said Hikaru with a blunt directness.

Haruhi's hands clenched tighter on the desk as she fought to keep herself in control.

How could Hikaru not see the negative affect he was having?

I shot him a warning glance, and knew that my message was conveyed.

"I don't want you to worry about me," she said quietly, voice breaking slightly.

"Bullshit," muttered Hikaru and I simultaneously.

I knew that she was hurting, but she didn't need to lie.

Just then, the teacher looked over at the three of us, stopping all conversation.

For the rest of our class, Haruhi avoided eye contact, and pretended like she didn't notice the notes and whispers we tried to exchange.

It was irritating me, and I knew that Hikaru was about ready to explode with frustration.

At lunch hour, Haruhi tried to escape, but the teacher called her to the front.

She looked stressed, and while I felt bad for her, Hikaru and I took this as an opportunity to wait outside and talk to her before she could escape.

HARUHI'S POV

I made my way up to the teacher's desk, trying to mentally prepare for whatever he was about to tell me.

"Haruhi, I just wanted to congratulate you on keeping your rank as the number one student in the grade ten class," the teacher said with a smile.

Relief flooded through me. I had been worried that, with all of the drama going on, my marks had slipped. I was thankful that that wasn't the case. I glanced at the door, and knew that the twins would be waiting for me.

I had decided to actually put my plan of achieving distance into action. So far, I think I managed to thoroughly piss off the twins, and give myself a wicked headache from clenching my teeth so hard.

I wanted to let them in, I did. But they would never be able to look at me the same way again. All I would see was unwelcome sympathy. I had been through it all before, and it had resulted in a sudden and abrupt move.

I hadn't kept in touch with any of my old friends, or most of my family. It was too painful to reminisce with them, to pretend like I was fine.

I was certainly not fine.

I had taken the easy copout in my former life, and I didn't want to be forced to do it again here.

Kyouya-senpai knew, and he didn't look at me the same way either. He was better than most would be. He clearly had years of honing his controlled mask. But even still, sometimes I would catch him looking at me, and he wasn't helping me out of the goodness of his heart.

He felt sorry for me. And I hated it.

Unable to stall any longer, I tried to be the master of my emotions as I went to meet the twins in the hall.

As expected, both of them were waiting for me. I braced myself for their questions and accusations.

"Haruhi," began Hikaru, anger colouring his tone, "you can't just shut us out of your life! We are a part of it, whether you like it or not," he finished.

I fought hard to keep from crying. But I was shaking like a leaf.

"Haruhi, what he's trying to say is that we're your friends. You can trust us. You don't have to

pretend in front of us," Kaoru said more gently.

If they knew what they were talking about, I doubt they would be so understanding. They would be horrified. And they wouldn't be able to look at me the same. I couldn't handle that. I'd lost too many people. I refused to get close to them.

I couldn't thing of a proper response, so I just turned in the opposite direction and started to walk away. Before I could even take three steps, Hikaru grabbed my hand and whirled me around.

He proceeded to push me against the wall, arms caging me in.

I felt panicked. This was all too familiar, being trapped against my will. I shrank into the wall, trying to make myself as small as possible.

Hikaru didn't look angry. I knew that he wouldn't hurt me, but adrenalin was pumping through my veins, and I needed to get out.

He looked at me pleadingly. "Haruhi, why don't you trust us?" It was a question and an accusation all at once.

I saw the hurt in his eyes.

My own filled with tears, and I looked away, ashamed of myself.

A spark of anger, and something else, something kinder, flashed through Hikaru's eyes. He let me go and turned back to his brother, who looked like he was about to kill him.

I do trust you I thought to myself.

But I wasn't ready to utter those words out loud. Doing so would make me vulnerable, and I couldn't stand being more vulnerable than I already was.

Instead, I walked away from the twins, leaving them to their own thoughts.

Maybe they would hate me now.

Maybe that was best.

The rest of the day, and going to the Host Club, were all a blur. I was too embarrassed to approach the twins in any way, and they kept shooting hurt glances my way when they thought I wasn't looking.

Suffice to say, the day hadn't been so great.

Even better was now I had to go to work. I figured having a shitty day right before my first day back at work was not a good sign. But I decided to make the best of it, and not go off on Kurosaki-senpai.

I arrived fifteen minutes before my shift, and immediately started on the regular cleaning duties.

I didn't want to give Kurosaki-senpai any reason to regret keeping me.

It turned out to be a busy night, which was good. It was so busy that I didn't have time to worry about messing up, or thinking about the twins.

Every time I pictured their hurt faces, my heart gave an unwelcome pang.

It was then that I knew it was too late. I cared for them, not that I would ever admit it out loud. But I enjoyed their company, and even one day without their carefree mischievous attitudes had me at a loss for what to do.

As I was cleaning up after the day, Kurosaki-senpai finally approached me.

"I know that it's beside the point, but I truly am sorry. And I really appreciate you giving me a second chance," I said quickly and sincerely. Not wanting to appear ungrateful in any way, shape or form.

"What can I say? I have a thing for charity cases," Kurosaki-senpai said with a wink and a smile.

I tried to appear offended, but ended up smiling instead.

"I'm not a charity case!" I squealed jokingly.

"Sure you aren't, kiddo," he said affectionately, giving me a pat on the head.

I was glad that there wasn't any more underlying awkwardness between us. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. Now, if only I could figure out what to do about Hikaru and Kaoru.

In between pondering my own personal drama, I noticed that while Kurosaki-senpai was being his normal cheerful self, he seemed more tired and withdrawn underneath.

I gently touched his arm and said,

"Kurosaki-senpai, are you okay?"

He gave me a rueful smile.

"I should be asking you that question, although you do look healthier. I'm glad," he said, avoiding the question.

We both knew that he had deliberately not answered the question, but I chose to drop it, not wanting to interfere where I wasn't welcome.

I knew better than anyone that some things were meant to be left unsaid.

"Wanna grab a bite to eat together?" he asked, after all of my side duties were done.

I was about to politely reject, not wanting to set myself up for disaster, but he just looked so lonely right at that moment.

"I would like that," I said shyly.

Kurosaki-senpai took me to an inexpensive yet delicious sushi bar. We ate, and just enjoyed each other's company.

Nothing too serious was said; it was all light and easy. I didn't have to lie, which was a relief. We

merely discussed surface level topics. I found being with Kurosaki-senpai was so effortless. I didn't have to constantly watch what I said. I tried to keep myself appearing cheerful to Kurosaki-senpai, but some of my bad feelings of the day seeped through. He merely ignored this, and I pretended like I didn't know he was exhausted. In all, it was a fair trade, and I was glad I had agreed to eat with him.

I finally looked at the time, and realized how late it was.

"I'm sorry, Kurosaki-senpai, I have to get home," I said, fighting back a yawn.

"Now, how many times do I have to tell you? Call me Shigure," he said rolling his eyes, although I knew he wasn't really all that mad.

"Thank you for tonight, Shigure. I really needed this," I said sincerely, taking out my wallet to pay for my half.

Shigure covered my hand with his, and said "I'll grab this one, and thank you. I was certainly in need of a distraction."

With a charming smile, he reached for his wallet, his other hand still over top of mine.

After the bill was paid, I started on my way home, grateful that through all of the problems I was having in my life, Kurosaki's place could still be my own safe haven.

'~~~~~~~

All of the events of the day came crashing down on me during my walk home, and I walked with tears streaming down my face. I avoided eye contact with everyone in my building, and curled up into my bed immediately when I got home.

I drifted on the edge of consciousness, praying to whoever was out there that I wouldn't dream.

Blood. Everywhere.

And the , the screams.

They rattled my must surely be what dying felt like. I tried to cover my ears, but found my hands covered in blood.

Blood.

So much blood.

I started letting out shrieks of my own, terrible sounds that weren't natural.

Thunder and lightning accompanied the was pelting down harder. But it couldn't wash away the blood.

I didn't know a human could sound so tortured.

Surely, this must be what dying felt like.

I was thrashing around, screaming, screaming, blood-

I hit the ground hard, the impact waking me immediately. My pajamas were soaked through, but I couldn't find the energy to get up and change.

I laid there, a shaking, sobbing mess, clutching my legs tightly, trying to chase away the nightmares of my life. I shut my eyes tight, but found no respite from my dreams.

They were getting worse.

More lifelike.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I glanced at the clock, and found it was only three thirty in the morning. I had slept for four hours. Knowing that sleep was impossible, I lay perfectly still, barely breathing, and thinking that, maybe if I stayed still enough, it would all go away.

It didn't.

It never did.

At six o'clock, I unwound myself from my huddled position on the floor. I took a nice, long shower, and changed quickly to get to school on time.

Feeling slightly more human, I arrived at class. I immediately searched for the twins, and my heart fell when I realized they had not left a space for me in between them.

This is what you wanted I mentally chastised myself.

But in my heart, and even my mind at this point, I knew that I really wanted to be with the twins, smiling at their brazen attitudes and ridiculous jokes.

I silently took the only empty seat at the back of the class. Hard as I tried to pay attention, I couldn't stop staring at the twins, wondering why in the hell I tried to mess everything up. My eyes kept drifting shut from lack of sleep, but I promised myself I would fix things. Somehow.

After a hellish day of classes, I stumbled to the Host Club right on time.

"It's spring time!" Tamaki-senpai declared happily, right as I walked in.

Like I really needed to be told…I thought to myself.

I held my tongue, knowing that lashing out when I was in a bad mood would do me no good.

"When I hear spring, I think of cherry blossoms," Tamaki-senpai continued, not seeming to notice my lack of enthusiasm.

"That's normal," I said, grabbing the clothes I would need to change into.

With that, Tamaki-senpai curled into the corner, looking depressed that I had called him normal.

I thought about consoling him, if only to humour him, but concluded that it would be a waste of energy. I was running low on energy today. So instead, I simply walked into the changing room.

It turns out today, with the lovely weather, we were sitting outside under the cherry blossom trees, drinking tea. It would have been wonderful if I hadn't been in such a wicked mood.

I glanced over at the twins, but they weren't looking my way.

They seemed normal. Well, as normal as they ever were. I didn't sense any animosity towards me, but they had been studiously ignoring me all day.

I decided to stick with Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai.

As always, they were sweet, and they seemed to sense that I was not in the mood for talking.

The girls were swooning over Honey-senpai, as usual, but today I just couldn't stomach it.

"Excuse me while I go to the bathroom," I said politely.

I walked away, trying to get rid of my bad mood.

"Haruhi! How's it going? Are you having fun?" asked Tamaki-senpai in an earnest voice.

Although the words were very simple, and he was being nothing but friendly, I found myself on the verge of tears.

Here he was, so happy about everything. It just made it abundantly clear that I didn't belong here.

While I had been collecting myself, he had gone off on one of his rants. I only caught the end of it.

"And I am now the most spring-ish! Can you guess which part of me is?" he said eagerly.

"Umm… I don't know," I said, not really caring.

Nearby, I spotted the twins, and decided to try and make amends. I had to pay off my debt to the Host Club, whether I liked it or not, so that would mean dealing with the twins. We were also in the same class. I couldn't afford to be on bad terms with them.

Yes, just make it sound like the logical choice to be friends with them. Not that you could actually bear them hating you my inner voice mocked.

"Hikaru, Kaoru?" I called timidly.

Both turned around curiously, guarded expressions on each of their faces.

"Umm… what electives are you guys thinking of taking?" I asked in a rush, afraid that I would lose my nerve.

While my words didn't hold much meaning, I gave them a pleading expression.

Please forgive me!I thought.

"I think maybe we should pick some together," I said, putting myself out there, mentally bracing for the rejection I felt coming.

Kaoru broke out into a smile, and Hikaru followed suit.

My answering smile came immediately, and I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

"That sounds great, Haruhi," Kaoru said.

With that, I knew that all was forgiven.

Immediately, the twins each wrapped an arm around me as we studied the course selection sheet. While I knew I shouldn't be feeling so happy with their slight affections, I couldn't keep the giddy smile off my face.

Things were hard right now, and my dreams were getting worse. But I knew that the twins would be there for me. Even if they didn't know what was going on, they were always able to cheer me up.

And right now, in this moment. That was enough for me.

So a nice long chapter for ya'll ;) hope you enjoyed ! R&R (: