The crowd whispered, wondering if Vee tower was having an issue with their electrical circuits. Sparks burst from the spotlights, catching one poor demon's suit on fire. He screamed in pain, desperately trying to put out the flames while everyone else crouched to the floor in fear. Elida tilted her head, doe ears perked up.

Blowing a cold breeze at the screaming demon, she doused the flames, careful not to give him frostbite. She was about to step off the stage and heal his burns when a bolt of lightning shot directly at her, singeing her designer dress. Velvette looked pissed.

It didn't hurt Elida. She simply looked at it, glad that it hadn't ruined her lovely warm shawl. Another bolt of lightning, this one a sustained line of plasma reached out from a television screen. It shaped itself into the form of a man.

Vox appeared, naked as the day he was born and snarling like a rabid dog. He'd lost all trace of his calm collected exterior. He was enraged, sparks jolting out of him like a tesla coil. He advanced on her, murder in his eyes. Elida stood serenely where she was, watching the chaos with a curious eye.

She sent an ice spell to Vox's bare feet, freezing him in place and forcing him to think about what he was doing. He yanked at his legs, trying to free them. While he did so, Elida wiggled her fingers, sending a soft white cloud to cover his lower region and give him some of his dignity back. She didn't know what had set him off, but he was in no state to be around cameras.

Giving up on freeing his feet, Vox angrily shouted, "She turned me into a newt!" He shot another lightning bolt at her. It hit her in the face, which tickled more than anything. It did manage to mess up her hair, though.

"A newt?" Elida asked calmly, not knowing what he was on about.

Vox blinked, suddenly realizing how insane he seemed. No one else here knew about the potion; and regeneration had put him back into his regular body. For all they knew, he was having a mental breakdown. He cleared his throat awkwardly and grumbled, "Well I got better…" The audience members and staff all gaped at him.

"Vox, what the actual fuck!? I'm in the middle of a show," Velvette snapped at him.

"Little miss cold and glittery here thought it would be some big fucking joke to slip poison into my pocket!" He shot more lightning at her. "I got eaten by my own goddamn sharks!"

This man needed to remember his place. Elida chose to catch his own lightning in her hand as a way of demonstrating just how powerful she could be when she wanted to. It swirled into a blinding ball of energy, crackling and sparking in her hand. Her eyes began to glow a bright white, and she lifted herself higher into the air, letting herself show off a bit. The air cracked with magic, and a freezing wind blew wildly through everyone's hair. She hurt to look at, but no one could manage to turn away.

Peaceful as Elida was, she did not like being accused of things she hadn't done. Her face got dark and angry, her voice changing into a cold and frightening hiss. "Perhaps you would do well to remember just who – and what – I am," she reminded him, before crushing the ball of lighting in her hand and letting it dissipate harmlessly between her fingers. "If you're going to attack me with accusations, you'd better have some damn good evidence to back it up."

Vox gawked. Elida had been so badly hurt by the recent assassination attempt that he'd nearly forgotten she was an angel, just like the exorcists. Without an angelic weapon, he couldn't hurt her. He'd just picked a fight with an invincible magic-wielding divine being with so much power that she'd managed to both freeze him in place and completely ignore his attacks. She was usually so soft and disarming, but looking at her now made him tremble in fear. Elida was terrifying.

What was he doing? This woman could erase him from existence and not suffer a single consequence. He, on the other hand, would end up killed or worse if he got on her bad side. And he still needed her soul. Was he an idiot? What the fuck was wrong with him? He'd let his anger blind him, and he'd acted too recklessly.

Time to backpedal. He stood up straight, clearing his throat, "Ahem. Excuse me, Madame Ambassador," he said, forcing himself to calm down. "I don't know what came over me."

"Explain yourself, little overlord," she demanded with angry condescension, wind still raging around her.

He explained, "I found a potion with your label on it in my pocket. It had a rather unpleasant effect. I see now that it must have been a forgery," he laughed awkwardly, trying not to shrink before her. Fuck, that wind was cold…

"A forgery?" she narrowed her eyes.

"Yes," he said, trying not to think about how vulnerable he was standing there naked and frozen to the floor. "It transformed me into a little lizard-thing. I just got back from regen."

"You say it had my logo on it?"

"It did, ma'am. And your seal."

Pieces fell into place in Elida's mind, and she lowered herself back to the ground, eyes still narrowed, but the icy wind dissipating. She smiled. It wasn't a very friendly smile. It was more like the close-lipped grin of a woman who was pretending not to be planning where she'll bury your body. "Hold that thought, would you?"

Velvette's ruined dress didn't have pockets, so Elida pulled her new wand out of the air. Vox saw it and his jaw dropped. There was no way. Alastor's staff was an extension of himself and his magic. It was sacred to him, his prized possession, the symbol of his power. Whatever happened to his staff happened to him; if it got damaged, so did he. It was why he guarded it so carefully. If he'd given Elida a copy of it for her own use, that had to mean that-

No, it couldn't be. Alastor didn't love anyone. He couldn't love. And he never trusted, either. He was only seducing the Ambassador so that he'd survive the inevitable holy war ahead. Wasn't he?

And yet…

Elida tapped on the little blue microphone and her voice changed to sound like it was coming out of an old speaker, "Alastor," she said in a sickly-sweet voice, "My darling, my lover, my dear sweet eldritch horror, can you answer a little question for me, please?"

"Why of course, sweetheart," Alastor's static voice answered without a moment's hesitation from the wand, "What can I do for you?"

"Did you take one of my- ahem- special vials… from my lockbox, by any chance?"

"Why yes, dearest," he admitted cheerily, "I gave it to Vox! Why? Did he drink it?"

"He did," she confirmed, "And he's-"

Elida was interrupted by crazed maniacal laughter coming from Alastor's end. Clearly, he thought this whole thing was quite a hoot. She smacked the wand lightly, and Alastor cried out in mild surprise, "Ah! Gee wiz, that felt odd..." After a brief pause, his voice called to her again, soft, breathy, and a bit seductive this time, "Do that again."

"Later perhaps, if you're a good boy," she teased, running her finger along the edge of the mic, making it shudder in her hand. "But as I was saying, Vox seems to be under the impression that I was the one who did it."

"Oh dear," Alastor said dramatically, "Well we can't have that, can we?"

"No. Come here, please."

"Of course, dearest," he agreed, "I'll be right over."

"Oh, Hell no!" Vox wasn't going to let Alastor in here. "He doesn't have clearance," he pointed out, folding his arms and pouting.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Velvette rolled her eyes, "You there, get Vox some fucking pants." She sent an usher running off. "And you," she turned to Vox, "Get your shit together! You've just ruined my entire show! I'll be sending you a bill for the dress, and you'd better get this sorted out before I smash your face in with a chair. Everyone else, get the fuck out."

The audience members were only too happy to comply, stumbling out of the room like it was still on fire. Elida watched them go and fluttered down off the stage, walking up to Vox, "Are you ready to talk to me like an adult?" She asked, "Or do I need to leave you stuck there a bit longer?"

"Look, fine," he assuaged, "I wasn't thinking clearly. I believe you, okay? No need to bring Alastor into this."

"He's already part of this," she said, removing the ice from Vox's feet, "and we're going to have this resolved here and now."

Alastor didn't need clearance. He seeped through the shadows, squeezing easily through the cracks under the doors until he was in the right room. He appeared right behind Vox, a sadistic grin of amusement plastered on his face.

"I see I missed all the fun," he said jovially, making Vox jump in surprise.

"GHAH, goddamn it!"

Alastor snickered.

"You owe someone an apology," Elida said to him, hands on her hips.

"No thank you," Alastor said, "That would be a lie."

"Not Vox," Elida said, "Me."

Vox stared at her, confused. Alastor tilted his own head, not sure what she meant.

"I beg your pardon, dearest, but I'm not sure I follow."

"The next time you use one of my poisons, take the credit for it yourself. I don't appreciate being framed."

"Hold on," Vox said, "Let me get this straight. You're not mad that he poisoned me, you're mad that he let me think you were the one who did it?"

"And," Elida added, looking at Alastor, "That you didn't tell me you took it. I didn't even get to see its effect! Do you have any idea how complicated those special potions are? They're a lot of work."

Alastor stepped past Vox, taking Elida's hand, "I see. It was not my intention to place the blame on you in this. I sincerely apologize." He brushed his lips on her knuckles in apology, and she melted like putty in his hands.

Christ, Elida already had him fucking whipped. Vox pouted harder.

She smiled, blushing at Alastor's charm, "Forgiven."

"Really? Just like that?" Vox didn't trust it. No one got over shit that easily.

"Oh good," Alastor said, taking her chin in his hand and tilting it up toward himself. He kissed her, gleefully ignoring Vox's snarling. "By the way," he asked, "What did it do? The label was rather vague."

"From what he described, it sounded like you took one of the tamer potions," Elida said.

"Ah, well that's a lot less fun."

"That specific brew was titled 'Witchcraft and Lizardry,' and it turned him into a newt."

"I stand corrected, that's hilarious, HAHAHA!"

Vox balled his fists, "So what, you're not going to make him apologize to me, too? I'm the one who just fucking died!"

"Ah," Alastor said, "That explains your undignified state of undress." He draped an arm over Elida's shoulder and gave her another kiss, this time on the forehead. He liked how it pissed Vox off.

"He can apologize if he wants, but it's not my job to regulate what you do to each other when I'm not around," Elida said, "I won't be held responsible for mediating the rivalry between you guys. I'm not your mother. Just keep it between the two of you and leave me out of it."

"You've got to be kidding me," Vox grumbled.

"Yeah, well, you did just try to kill me a minute ago, so…" Elida shrugged.

"Did he, now?" Alastor's face darkened, his smile shifting from amusement to anger. Vibrant green veves appeared around him. He looked ready to kill.

Elida placed a gentle hand on his chest, and he calmed down almost instantly. "It's okay, Allie, all he hurt was the dress." She kissed his cheek. Alastor's face got pinker.

"Speaking of," Velvette interrupted, "I'm gonna need that back."

"Sure," Elida said, "After Vox also gives me an apology."

Vox didn't want to, especially in front of Alastor and wearing nothing but some dumb cloud over his junk, but he had to suck up to her whether he liked it or not. He put on his best ass-kissery smile, "Of course, my dear, how rude of me. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Elida prompted. Alastor looked incredibly smug, leaning on that stupid stick of his. Vox wanted to fuck him so damn hard; they'd see who was smirking then.

"I'm sorry for trying to kill you," Vox lied.

"And?"

Vox stifled a sigh, "And I'm sorry for assuming you were the one who poisoned me."

Elida nodded, the last traces of anger leaving her eyes, "I forgive you. Please don't do it again."

"Yes, Ma'am," he submitted begrudgingly.

Then a lightbulb went off in his head, almost literally, and he perked up. He could turn this around and use it as a way to get closer to her. "You know," he said, "There could be a way to help prevent this kind of thing." Sort of. He really just needed a way to segue into a new topic.

"You mean other than drinking mysterious unlabeled vials that you don't remember buying?" Alastor jabbed. "You know, like a moron."

"Fuck you, Alastor."

"Yes, likewise."

Elida rolled her eyes, "Ugh, you two are like children. I swear, the second you're both in the room, you turn into petty squabbling kids." She looked at Vox expectantly, "You were saying?"

"Two words," Vox said, "Vending machines."

"Oh?" Elida raised an eyebrow, "I'm listening." She lifted her arm to entangle her fingers with the hand Alastor had draped over her shoulder.

Alastor traced his thumb up and down her fingers. He liked how soft her skin was. He wondered if the rest of her was like that, too. He'd bet she was. Her lips certainly were. He'd kiss them a bit later, though. You know… just to be sure he was remembering right. One needed to be certain of these things, after all.

Vox was nothing if not good at improvised pitches, so he pulled an idea out of his ass; "Think about it," he said, "I've got the tech, and you've got the product. Why don't you and I get together, and we can come up with a whole new way of dispensing your potions. That way, people can be more careful about where they come from, rather than relying on physical shops. We all know things can get mixed up when they're done by hand."

Alastor wrinkled his nose, but Elida tilted her head in thought. "Go on."

Jackpot. He just might salvage this disaster.

"Picture this; We put a VoxTek brand vending machine on every street corner in Hell. Want to buy drugs from the machine right beside ours? Elida's addiction cure is cheaper. Get hurt out on those dangerous streets? Elida's healing potions are just a button away. Your sales would skyrocket!"

Elida nodded slowly, considering. "And what would you get out of this?"

"The overhead cost per sale that would otherwise go to labor in a physical shop would cover the price of the machines and refill deliveries. We'd both make a fortune."

Elida pursed her lips, thinking. She considered a few angles, then said, "Okay. I'll hear you out. But I want a detailed report on the expected costs and breakeven point, as well as the profit margin compared to what my shops are making now. I also want to see a projection on how it would affect my physical stores. I won't put people out of their jobs just because I got a bit greedy."

"Consider it done," Vox agreed, smiling charmingly. Velvette hit him in the face with a pair of pants. "UPH!" he sputtered, before glaring at her, "Was that really necessary?"

"Yes," she glared.

"Alright," Elida said, "I think we're done here." She'd have used the changing room, but she didn't want to leave Vox and Alastor alone together. They'd kill each other. So instead, she cast a simple swapping spell, and her old dress changed places with the ruined designer piece.

Shrinking down to a few inches tall, Elida flew into the air and settled on Alastor's antler like the branch of a tree, kicking her feet childishly. "I'm hungry. I want food," she declared.

"Of course, dearest," Alastor said, tapping the top of her head affectionately with his finger, "Craving anything in particular?"

Vox tried and failed not to stare at Alastor's ass while he walked out the door, chatting happily with the Ambassador. He was glad the cloud was thick enough to cover everything… he needed to go make use of that secret photo in his desk.

Vox really hated that asshole.

However, as annoying as their little romance was, he could use it to his advantage. If Alastor had just been dating her for power and survival, he would have had no reason to make Elida that wand. Giving it to her was an incredibly strong show of trust, the likes of which Vox was reeling from just thinking about. Vox couldn't believe it, but Alastor was genuinely in love with her. Vox never thought he'd see the day the Radio Demon fell cunt-struck, but there they were. And from the way she blushed, it seemed she was just as enamored with him.

A malicious smile spread across Vox's screen. He knew how he'd get her soul.