[A note from the author: For people who watch Hazbin's sister show, you may have noticed the small nods to Helluva Boss that I stick into my story to help the world feel more alive. The following few chapters will have some minor coincidences with Helluva's episode Apology Tour; these were not intentional, just funny timing. There will be a small canon inconsistency with Helluva that I didn't think would ever come up, but I've decided to proceed with my planned plotline regardless, as I've had these events in my story planned ahead for a while. Luckily, they're small enough that it shouldn't be distracting or disruptive.]
Because Elida asked him to while batting her eyes ever so sweetly, Alastor contacted Carmilla Carmine to set up a meeting with the overlords on the Ambassador's one-year anniversary in Hell. She'd prepared a presentation, feeling that it was important they all got an update regarding how things had developed. She also printed several cards to hand out to everyone, which Alastor had a fun time designing to look both classy and spooky: his favorite combination of aesthetics.
For kicks and giggles, Zestial decided to stop by the hotel before the meeting for a visit. He'd not been to the Princess's hotel yet, and he thought it could be fun to hear a few new frightened screams. "Greetings Alastor," he said as the Radio Demon came to the door, "How fare thou?"
Alastor, being excellent at pretending not to be terrified for his life, smiled, "Salutations, Zestial! Always a pleasure. Please, do come in." Alastor stepped aside and allowed the tall spider demon entry. What else could he do but play nice in a situation like this? "What brings you to our little facility?" he asked politely.
The other hotel guests suddenly all had other places to be. Charlie tried to approach to say hello, but Alastor's shadow grabbed her by the shoulder and shook its head, indicating that she should stay away. She listened, backing off and letting Alastor do his thing.
"I doth be in the neighborhood. I thought perchance we could travel to dear Carmilla's meeting together. I hath not had a chance to meet thine delightful little holy one as of yet. Many a wild rumor doth fly on the nature of thy friendship." Zestial gave Alastor an amused side-eye as they entered the elevator. He was sure the rumors were all just amusing lies.
Alastor didn't care who Zestial was, if he put one hand on Elida, he was dead. "Why, that sounds lovely! That little darlin' does love to meet new people. She's always got a good story to tell, ha ha!" Alastor played a laugh track with his words.
Zestial smiled at the funny little man beside him. Alastor was such an odd and goofy creature. "News hast reached mine ears of her unfortunate meeting with an mysterious assailant. Perchance thou hast theories on whom it may have been?"
"Oh, we're making progress," Alastor said vaguely.
"What theories does thou have on this new enemy?"
"That is for me to know. Though I'm sure you've already heard I'm offering a healthy reward for any truthful information. You deal in secrets; what news have you learned regarding them?"
"I fear I hath learnt naught of this mysterious individual as of yet," Zestial said honestly.
"Ah well, I'm sure they'll be found out soon enough."
Alastor intentionally ignored Elida's room as though hers were the door of just another uninteresting guest. He did not want Zestial to know where she slept. Instead, they passed by it and entered Alastor's room. Zestial sat himself down on one of the guest chairs while Alastor prepared some fresh tea.
They exchanged boring small talk for a bit, waiting for Elida to be ready to go. Every question Zestial asked about her was expertly dodged. Alastor did his best to make her seem like an uninteresting and not worthwhile topic. It was rather difficult, as she was such a fascinating person, and easily one of his favorite things to talk about.
Zestial noticed the framed polaroid of her and Alastor titled 'Elida's first day in Hell' with the both of them smiling and blood stained. There was another polaroid hidden behind it, "What beith this?" Zestial asked, pointing to the picture.
Alastor didn't know. He had no idea there was another picture hidden there. He could count on one hand the number of people with access to his room, and only one of them was mischievous enough to hide something to see if he would manage to find it. Whatever Elida had hidden, he needed to see what it was before Zestial did.
"Oh, that? Nothing exciting," he laughed, taking the frame and pulling the photo out, glancing at it to see what it could possibly be. It turned out to be a polaroid of him hugging his mother, collapsed on his knees beside her. The caption beneath it read, 'Alastor's first day in Heaven.' His face was slightly distorted, having not known she'd taken the picture. It was wise of her to hide it, but he wished she'd told him it was there. He was glad he checked.
That was when Elida opened his door using the key he'd given her. She bustled in all up in a tizzy and half dressed, going straight for his closet. Alastor and Zestial stared at her, bemused as she began rifling through Alastor's clothes.
"Ugh! I can't find the right thing; this just won't work!" She checked the hangers and stopped in confusion, pulling a long black item off the rail, "Why do you have a nun outfit?" she asked looking at Alastor in amusement.
"Dear, did you forget that you're not wearing pants?"
"My shirt's really long, so I'm covered, it's fine," she said, examining the nun costume, "What is this for? If you were anyone else, I'd assume it was a kink thing but you're-" then she noticed Zestial, "Oh, hello there! You look familiar, have we met?"
Zestial examined the glowing deer-like woman, fascinated. She'd let herself in like she owned the place. "I fear we hath not had the pleasure, thy holiness. Mine name is Zestial." He took a sip of tea, watching for a reaction from Alastor. The man's perpetual grin was unreadable.
"Nice to meet you. Sorry, I didn't realize Allie had a guest, or I'd have gotten dressed first. Oh well." She shrugged, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking for a bow tie. I don't have my own, and this new suit I got just absolutely needs one to pull it all together." She turned back to the closet and put the nun costume back.
"Thou doest call the infamous and unknowable Radio Demon… Allie?"
"Oh! This one could work," Elida grabbed a crisp, solid-black tie out of a drawer, "Can I borrow this?"
Then she saw the polaroid in his hand, and the careful way he held it so that Zestial couldn't see. Thinking fast, her eyes widened melodramatically, and she snatched it from him, "Where did you get this?" She fake-scolded, tucking it into her bra for safe keeping, "My nudes are supposed to be hidden in my room!" She'd rather this guest think she were some kind of slut than have Alastor's secrets get out. The fact she had no pants on would help support the story.
Zestial didn't know angels were allowed to have lewd photographs of themselves. Perhaps she was being corrupted. That could be fun to watch. Maybe that was why Alastor spent so much time with her; he could just want to see a creature of light succumb to darkness and sin. Zestial thought that must be delightfully amusing to witness.
"I confiscated it from another guest, darling. I was waiting for a good time to give it back to you," Alastor played along with Elida's ruse. "I hid it so well I nearly forgot about it myself." He gave her a knowing look. It must have been there for months.
"Ugh, we have got to get that lock fixed," she said. Her lock wasn't broken.
"Consider it my new top priority," Alastor stated. Then he changed the subject, "Do you even know how to tie a bow tie?"
"No, but I can look it up." She went to stand in front of a mirror and draped the tie over her shoulders. She pulled out her phone and was in the middle of typing out 'how to tie a bow tie' when Alastor appeared between her and the mirror.
"Don't be silly, love," he said, more softly than he'd meant to in front of Zestial, and pushing her phone away, "Allow me."
The rest of the room kind of disappeared for a moment for Elida; her head got a bit light and floaty. She looked up at her best friend, smiling gently as he tied the tie for her. He only ever smiled gently when he was looking at her; the rest of the time he was all red eyes and sharp teeth. She didn't dare to hope what that meant, so she just looked back at him. He was closer than he strictly needed to be just to tie a tie. Her chest felt warm and tight. She tried not to let her eyes drift down to his lips. She failed.
Alastor's own mind was involuntarily fading into radio static, fuzzy and unfocused. His muscle memory knew how to tie a bow tie forwards and backwards, so he let his hands do the remembering as he looked into his dear angel's lovely eyes. She was glowing a bit brighter than normal. She did that a lot when she looked at him. He didn't dare to hope what that meant, so he just looked back at her. She was leaning closer than she strictly needed to just to let him tie a tie. His chest felt warm and tight. He tried not to let his eyes drift down to her lips. He failed.
Zestial sat silently, watching the pair with great interest. Perhaps the rumors really were true. What was transpiring in front of him was an event no one who'd ever come to know Alastor would ever have imagined possible. But with the way he looked at this girl, Zestial wondered if maybe Alastor hadn't taken the explicit photo for himself. Or maybe she gave it to him in secret and was only pretending to be upset that he had it. Her anger had seemed a bit feigned.
Eventually, Zestial had to put his teacup back down, and the light clanking noise startled the spell-struck couple back into reality. Elida almost jumped, taking a step back from Alastor a little too quickly and looking toward the sound. "Well, thank you for your help. I should probably finish getting dressed before we leave," she said, voice as calm and level as if nothing had happened, if not a bit more formal, "Excuse me."
And then she left, wings trailing softly behind her. Zestial and Alastor watched her go, gracefully flouncing out of the room with a flick of her hair. Alastor's gaze lingered on the door for a moment, then he closed his closet and joined Zestial in the sitting area. They sipped tea quietly for a few minutes, enjoying some gentlemanly silence. Alastor pretended that Zestial wasn't openly smirking at him.
Alastor really needed to figure out how to control himself around Elida better. As time went on, she had been developing into a type of distraction he didn't have any experience with, and therefore hadn't learned how to properly mask. Maybe he could practice during his insomniac nights. He could stay in her room and look at her as she slept, controlling his expressions until he'd figured out how to keep his mind focused despite her intoxicating presence. She'd probably let him do it, too, especially while her attacker was still at large. He could just tell her he wanted to keep her safe, which has the added benefit of not being a blatant lie.
Elida returned several minutes later with the rest of her ensemble properly donned and a sparkly designer shawl over her shoulders. Alastor looked her over; she'd been right: the suit really needed a bow tie to work.
To avoid the jostling involved in driving that would have hurt her ribs, Alastor took the three of them through the shadows, popping up a block or two from Carmilla's building and offering Elida his arm. They all fell into step beside each other, walking casually over a dead body or two. Elida fought the desire to take Alastor's hand, rather than his arm. It was too familiar a gesture for the situation, and Alastor seemed on edge around this other demon.
As soon as Elida saw another familiar face, she lit up, smiling excitedly, "Rosie!" It had been a solid three weeks since their last tea party, which was a shame; Elida came to adore her almost as much as Alastor did.
"Hi honey," Rosie greeted, "Good to see you both!" She gave Alastor a hug and nodded respectfully at Zestial, who nodded back.
Elida kissed her cheek, "Did you get my email? I brought the official invitations with me."
"I did see it. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to make it," she patted Elida's cheek affectionately.
Elida felt pretty disappointed to hear that. She'd been pouring her heart and soul into this, and it would really hurt if no one came. If someone as close to her and Alastor as Rosie didn't want to go, would anyone else? It was too late to cancel. "Oh… Well, is there any way I can convince you to change your mind?" She gave Rosie her sweetest doe-eyes. Most people folded when she did that that. It almost worked.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, but I'll be too tied up with preparations for my ball. But I'd have loved to attend if I could. You're of course invited again this year."
"Oh, we'll be there," Alastor accepted, "We've kept the day clear, of course."
"We have?" Elida looked at him questioningly. She'd nearly forgotten about Rosie's ball entirely.
"Of course we have, don't be silly, Love."
Alastor didn't bother asking Elida if she'd want to go; he knew she would. He already had her dress ready. He'd asked the Hag to help the designer add a few authentic pagan embellishments that he thought Elida would enjoy. It would be a bit tiring having two major events so close together, but they'd manage.
She didn't know any of this; it was meant to be a surprise. Luckily, she'd been so busy organizing her own event that it was only too easy for him to sneak around. The poor thing hadn't had a moment to rest in weeks. Alastor pulled a chair out for her.
The four of them took their seats and chatted pleasantly about this and that while the other overlords filed in. The turnout wasn't nearly as dramatic this time around as it had been the previous year. There were no minor drug lords or loan sharks, just the strongest and most influential human souls in the Pride Ring. Elida quietly wondered why the paper mâché guy was giving her the stink eye. He smoked a cigar rolled from dollar bills. How impractical.
"Elida!" A voice Elida would know anywhere called.
She turned toward it with an affectionate smile, "Hiya Vox!"
Alastor's nose crinkled, but he continued talking to Zestial, pointedly ignoring his least favorite person and their little posse.
"I see you're liking my shawl," the stylish woman beside him commented, "I've gotta say, you look fucking fabulous."
"It takes one to know one," Elida complimented back. "It's nice to meet you properly. This shawl is just what I needed; I love it!"
"Of course you do, I only make the best," Velvette pulled out her phone and snapped a selfie.
Elida's voice turned from friendly to formal when she saw their other Vee. "Valentino," she greeted politely.
Vox elbowed Val, offering him a little reminder of what he'd agreed to do. It had been long enough since his attack on the hotel, and Vox was working the Ambassador over pretty hard. When they'd received the invitation to the overlord meeting, the Vees all had a sit down to discuss strategy. Vox had his in with the Ambassador, but it was clear she would never fully trust him until the people he associated with could also earn her good graces. If all three of them could suck up to her enough, they could start distancing her from Alastor and eventually get the contract they so desperately needed.
Val had prepared a whole big monologue of bullshittery that he'd worked hard to memorize, but when Velvette heard it, she'd rolled her eyes so hard you'd think she was trying to see her own skull. So instead, Val kept it short, "Hello, Miss Ambassador. Sorry about before. No hard feelings?"
On his end there absolutely were still hard feelings. She kept stealing his workers away and it pissed him off. But he'd chain her up and fuck her until she was a shriveled lump of sobs once he had her soul. He could take it out on her then. But until he had her in a collar, he had to play nice.
Elida tilted her head curiously, "At the hotel, we teach demons how to apologize. The first rule of an apology is to acknowledge what you're sorry for without trying to justify it." she looked at him, eyebrows raised expectantly.
Vox gave Val a 'don't mess this up' look. Valentino tried not to glower, gritting his teeth in a big fake smile, "Of course, Ambassador." He cleared his throat, "Ahem… I sincerely apologize for attacking you. I won't do it again." He fought the urge to roll his eyes.
Elida appreciated the apology, plain as it was, and she was nothing if not understanding. "Forgiven," she smiled sweetly, "I know cocaine can make people do things they regret."
Elida knew it wasn't the cocaine. Valentino knew it wasn't the cocaine. Everyone knew it wasn't the cocaine. But still, they could pretend.
Carmilla entered the room, all business. "Let's get started. Everyone, please have a seat." The Vees did so, settling in next to Snider. Vox flipped Alastor's shadow off subtly behind his back.
When everyone was settled, Carmilla continued, "Ambassador, I understand you have some updates for us?"
"I do. Thank you, Miss Carmine." Alastor pulled her chair out and Elida stood up, plugging an HDMI cable into her laptop. A presentation displayed itself to the room, showing a variety of bullet points and graphs. "As you can see, our peace initiative is making outstanding progress…"
Elida told the overlords about the dozens of redeemed souls from Charlie's lessons, the increased growth in guest numbers as time went on, and the effect her own potions were having on Hell's demons as a whole. She mentioned the issue with soul contracts and advised that if the overlords wanted to stop the exterminations permanently, they may want to consider adding a redemption clause into future dealings to allow for continued growth over the years. No one liked that bit, but Elida ignored the poorly concealed grumbles. She doubted they'd do it, but it was worth a shot.
When the presentation reached its last slide, Elida pulled the stack of invitations out of her pocket and sent them fluttering through the air, each one landing in front of a different overlord.
"Now that the Hotel is stable and has a working system down," she explained, "I feel that we're ready to put more focus on bridging the gap between Heaven and Hell to continue fostering peace between demons and angels. Alastor?" Elida looked at her friend, choosing to call him by his proper name rather than her usual nickname for the sake of formality.
He stood up to continue the spiel. Having the both of them standing side-by-side presenting this bit together was the perfect way to represent what Elida was trying to articulate. Alastor smiled cheerily at the table of Hell's most frightening humans.
"Well then," he began, straightening his jacket sleeves, "for the past year the residents of Princess Morningstar's hotel have been permitted to send and receive letters and packages to their friends and family in Heaven. Several of the guests have remarked that this was the motivation they needed to really give their own redemption the old college try, as it were. And golly, if it hasn't been a remarkable success! I know I certainly didn't think it would work, but you'll do well to learn not to doubt our darling Ambassador, haha!"
"Oh hush," Elida shook her head in amusement.
He continued, "Because contact between our realms seems to have such a dramatic impact on demon motivation, we've decided it's time to take a step forward."
The overlords looked at the invitations, and Snider read it aloud, "Only Human: An All Hallows Eve Event." He looked up, "That's some wild gumption you got, toots. Takin' a bunch 'a demons to Earth for a whole fuckin' day? Seems a bit reckless."
"Demons AND angels," Alastor corrected jovially, tossing an arm over Elida's shoulder and giving her a silly little squeeze.
"What about my actions up to this point made you think I wasn't at least a little reckless?" She smiled mischievously, flipping her hair over her shoulder and hitting Alastor in the face, who laughed and released her. Her hair smelled nice.
"However," she said, "There are conditions you should all be aware of."
"Of what sort are thine conditions?" Zestial asked, curious at this woman's audacity.
"Bear in mind, these rules apply to the attending angels as well, it's not specific to demons," she clarified before explaining, "You'll be there under the supervision of the Coven. We'll be using witchcraft to get everyone there, so if at any point someone wants to leave the spell's area, you'll need to have a witch with you, otherwise you'll be too far out of range to sustain your presence there and you'll return early. You'll also appear in the same form you died in, so if you were in a compromising state, or you weren't dressed, or you just don't want people to see what you looked like, you may want to sit this one out; It's your call."
"We should mention," Alastor interjected, "this is for human souls only."
"Yes, the spell doesn't work on hellborn," Elida confirmed, "and we wouldn't be able to regulate them same way, so as much as we would love to be inclusive, we have to restrict the attendees. Which brings us to the most important point," she said, "Anyone, demon or angel, who hurts someone in anything other than defense will be sent home immediately. This includes other attendees, living humans, or any other entity you may encounter throughout the night."
"I told her that would make it far less fun, but she just wouldn't listen," Alastor joked.
Elida nudged him playfully. "Stop that," she laughed.
"Why the fuck should we care about partying with a bunch of lame-ass goody-two-shoes angel pussies?" Snyder leaned back in his chair, taking another puff from his cigar.
Alastor's eyes narrowed. Did this inky little paper boy forget who held his leash? "Oh, I'm sure you'd be very interested in attending," He said, a threat in his eyes as he looked at Snyder, "Isn't that right, old pal?" the air got a bit darker, and Snyder's smirk fell.
He shrank a bit in his chair, "Uh… yeah. I was just yankin' your chain is all. 'Course I'll be goin'."
Elida noted but said nothing on the suspicious interaction between the two powerful men. "The point of this," she said, "is to show everyone that the cemetery is common ground for all of us. We'll be there on equal footing. Unless you tell people who you are, or they manage to recognize you, no one will know who's a demon and who's an angel. We'll be there as people and friends, not winners and sinners."
Vox looked the invitation over, examining the coffin-shaped paper and blood red lettering. "We'll go," he said, "I can clear my appointments for the day."
Velvette looked at him, annoyed that he'd agreed to go without even talking to her first. Valentino could go fuck himself, but Vel was busy as all Hell, and she didn't appreciate Vox making that call on his own. "We?"
"Why not?" Vox asked, "This is unprecedented! Who wouldn't want to be at the first peaceful meeting between demons and angels in history?" He sent Velvette a text that read, "Play along. This a good way to get this icy bitch to trust us."
She was always on her phone, so she saw it immediately. "Fine, why the fuck not," she agreed, but didn't look very happy about it.
"Awesome!" Elida said, seeming delighted, "If you could RSVP to the email listed on the invitation, I'll make sure we have enough spell components for everyone who wants to come. Are there any other questions?"
There were none, so Carmilla concluded the meeting, and everyone went home.
Nobody saw Alastor's shadow slip a potion vial into Vox's back pocket.