Yep…I know, shit ton of long disappearance. But no, I am here. Not only that, this time we finish this. I talked about it at the end of the author note but a chapter ahead of this is also ready…
My excuse is: Virus, Real Life, I am fucking poor.
Alright.
/YxtzwbzVQh my discord.
Now reviews.
Im bad at names very bad: Subaru is really scary
A: He is, what this story does differently than others is acknowledging that fact.
Even in canon, Subaru is the most dangerous and scary character whether Tappei acknowledges that in his hate for him or not.
Guest: Read the story subaru isn't developing, but just turning in an edgelord, but what can I expect from someone who spent the early days harassing other re zero writers and simping over pandora.
A: By harassment you mean reviews that I just state my opinion. I still would do that if I was actively reading more, now I only look now and then and don't feel like reviewing.
Guest: Plotholes? Subaru being played like a Yoyo with a stupid writer? Tell me it ain't so!
I see a few good things in chapter though, Emilia acting like a brat (with PTSD), Subaru acting like a parent, laying the ground and flat out telling her she almost killed everyone, and that people who told her things are full of shit... which she soon failed to learn again by thinking of Frederica's "tips". Old habits die hard.
To be fair, you could convince Emilia that the sky is pink with green clouds, and I'm only half-joking.
Pandora... just fuck Pandora and my head man.
A: In this story, Frederica wasn't held back by the writer so she did a good job once Subaru ordered her.
Before the reason she didn't teach the ignorant Emilia is "Perhaps that's how Roswaal-sama wishes" but if you go back to ep 1, you will realize that she gets confused why Roswaal doesn't say anything when Subaru outright orders her without asking Roswaal.
So the 'Master' in Frederica's mind changed after that.
She did a good job at teaching her but Emilia not only turned out to be a bad student but also too prideful to be 'feminine' in certain ways.
In the end, current Emilia grasped the idea that she should listen to Subaru in most choices while ignoring she is the candidate simply because Subaru brings better results and she can help him if he wishes. Basically, accepting he is more competent.
But whether her pride will let her apply that…is unknown.
Pyrd: I hope that the wolf eats Subaru because an exhibitionist stopped the first time. Really excited for more chapters couldn't really read that much since I have exams to focus on but great work as always!
A: Thanks, I hope you passed with flying colors.
Shir0R4ven: authority of despair?
anyhow thank you for this, I definitely have a wonderful read.
looking forward for more updates.
also, its acceptable that you are having OOC, this is a fanfic after all.
Down to the rabit hole we goes.
Also, im a sucker for every ship thus you making Subaru interact with everyone is wonderful, especially how you transition Pris attitude towards him.
A: Thanks. While I have no bad feelings towards OOC or OC. I am a little bit more questioning on whether this Subaru is OOC.
To begin with, Subaru is written with big contradictions and for the sake of plot there are times he literally doesn't acknowledge things, like signs that this is his second run in this world or the fact that most people around him are pieces of shit.
So I picked a few traits that I thought were stronger than others and put Subaru into a 'divergence' where he just can't keep the farce he put going anymore. Many people call that OOC and I am a bit confused about not going to lie, because in my view exploring something new isn't OOC. Though some people might even see "Subaru not tolerating every behavior and simping for Emilia = OOC" and funnily enough I do accept that since in Tappei's view that's probably true. Though thankfully once getting out of the author's hand, characters gain a certain life. That's the reason this story exists.
And yes, I will have that compliment gladly. Pris's transition was hard. Their relationship starts with Subaru deciding to see her as an NPC and a whore while Pris literally erased his existence from her memory a few times to cope with how different he is. It is quite beautiful that they come a long way.
Other ships had an easier start, Emilia is…Re Zero start.
Anastasia got close to him fast once realizing Subaru is OK and even enjoying her money loving trait.
Liliana is a fan.
Rem is having an eternal wet dream.
And so on.
Kantada666: Please update sir, I've been checking everyday.I love this story and your writing and have been waiting patiently.
A: If you can find this chapter even today…your patience paid off!
Oh, that felt good, it has been a while since I answered reviews!
My discord is quite crazy and you can bash me for not posting when you feel like (You won't be the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth or anywhere close to being the one doing that though…) discord dot gg / YxtzwbzVQh here it is.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. Where are you? Where are you?"
—It was almost as if both personalities shouted together with great sadness and confusion.
Where are you?
She asked that question without a stop.
However, Subaru was there, listening as Satella was shouting with her being.
Sometimes when he is unconscious and every single time he dies, he arrives at this place with nothingness.
And sometimes, Satella would come, filling the space with her shadows.
Subaru's shapeless form could hear her for no other reason than his wish to do so.
And he observed the current change.
Satella could not see him, could not hear him.
Why was this happening?
Subaru naturally understood that it was because she wasn't useful anymore.
When Subaru felt betrayed and alone in that mansion, right after Subaru jumped out of that cliff, he felt lonely. Because he knew that he would forever remember what they did to him. He sought something to cope against that truth, Satella could enter his place right after that.
Subaru always knew Emilia would be terrified to know that Subaru was a madman who was willing to die over and over again for a girl who's wish for no one to be hurt for her. Whether it be disdain or fear, the negative reaction towards his inability to lose was the same for every single person he might get close to. Thanks to that, Satella could grab his heart. That was the way she chose to interfere with a secret she wanted no one to know.
Perhaps that was because there was a time Satella learned that in the past. All Subaru knew that Satella was doing it out of selfishness, what Subaru did was allow that selfishness so that he cannot witness any reaction from anyone over things he did. So he can delude himself that they can accept Subaru as they know.
To be absolutely specific. It wasn't even Satella that Subaru's heart sought. His warped self sought her uncontrolled self, Envy. He had no need for a character of the past.
What Subaru needed was someone that can make him think, or at least act like he is not free.
Ability to do anything, ability to detach yourself from everything. Surely Subaru was suffering from freedom.
—But Satella was no longer needed.
He had people that could comfort him now.
And he wasn't scared of teasing Return By Death anymore.
Her existence had no use to him now.
Which was why she would never see or hear Subaru again.
Was that cruel?
Subaru thought it was. At least in a way. He definitely used her.
But it's not like Satella didn't want to be used.
Subaru's wish to avoid any reaction towards his ability allowed Return By Death to give Satella the freedom to interfere.
But freedom was all she got, she could've simply not done it.
But she did.
All in all, it didn't matter.
"This is where we separate ways, I think I won't see you again."
With that, Subaru left the dark place he will return once again, very soon..
Over and over again.
Ejecting himself from the endless darkness, Subaru finally opened his eyes in the real world.
First thing he saw was silver.
And then purple.
"...What a sight." He muttered with his morning voice.
It was Emilia, sleeping innocently while pressing her body on him in a not so innocent way.
She wore luxury sleepwear, it was a lingerie colored purple.
Subaru remembered how she told him that she would wear her nightgown, but it seems Emilia didn't know the difference between a normal nightgown and sensual lingerie.
'That's definitely Frederica's fault…'
Frederica had this very sensual choice when it comes to wearing nightwear and underwear.
Things between her and Subaru did not get heated. The only reason he knew that fact was that he had a lot of Accidental Pervert moments…most of the time with Frederica for some reason.
There was a time she changed in his room and happened to be wearing some sexy underwear while changing into maid clothes, then once he knocked to enter hers but she didn't hear it and also happened to be wearing sexy underwear as she changed into maid clothes.
Also when he got up because of his nightmares to drink some water, Frederica also happened to be thirsty and she was outright wearing lingerie that night.
'If we were closer I would misunderstand. Though she really does have a perverted taste'
Subaru shrugged images off from his mind. Though he doesn't realize all of those 'Accidental Pervert' moments happened in the span of time between where he ordered her to teach Emilia about control and other things.
Subaru's new side might've been caused a difference in Frederica…
In the end, Emilia might not have a sense like a woman should have…but it's likely that she was conscious of that choice to a level.
Which means by sleeping right away, Subaru missed what could've been.
…It would be a lie if he said he was regretting everything.
If Emilia made a move, he likely wouldn't reject. He was a man.
But deep down, even Subaru back then wanted the status quo to stay, he only wanted an answer from Emilia because of Rem.
If not for Rem, this never progressing relationship would be fine. He was running away from changes anyway. But when Rem was gone…Emilia's stagnation only made him suffer.
"..."
Natsuki Subaru left the bed that tried to pull him back with the sweet scent of a certain half-elf.
"Su..baru?"
He heard a voice. It was surprising, she is not one to get up easily.
"Thank you for helping me to sleep peacefully, Emilia." There was no doubt in his mind, a peaceful sleep did not reach Subaru unless someone helped him.
And there was no Beatrice around.
"...I am happy that you enjoyed it." Emilia said as she yawned, but she had a little blush as well.
A silence appeared, which Subaru broke so that there wouldn't be any awkwardness.
"Do you want to talk about what made you snap yesterday?"
"...?" Emilia somewhat woke up, but she still hadn't regained her senses yet it seems…she seemed confused.
Seeing that, Subaru just left.
"That's the face of someone who had a good night with a certain elf." Judgingly looking at him, Anastasia teased Subaru—-no, perhaps she was annoyed or angry for real.
Quickly rejecting the idea Subaru speaks. "Nope! I am still pure as driven snow."
"...I don't know if that's a good thing for a man…or just plain failure."
"You say that, but there are probably many women outside who wouldn't mind sharing some warmth with The Hero Of This Generation!"
Subaru said only half jokingly, after all, he remembered how Beatrice talked about protecting him from pests. He had female fans that never reached him…
"Or…They might change their mind if they see your face, or remember that you are The Lolimancer." Anastasia answered without giving Subaru time to feel good for once.
"Augh…..Cursed name. Damn you Shorty!"
A little boy who interviewed him, named Shorty, innocently used that description after seeing the relationship between him and Beatrice.(1)
—Basically he burned and annihilated Subaru's cool image with good intentions.
"No need to take your anger from children. Just think about it, that Hero Of This Generation is a real title that actually some people call you."
"...Augh…So embarrassing!" Subaru said as he held his head in imaginary pain. Cringe flowed through him. Even though the title wasn't something to be embarrassed of, it couldn't be helped.
"I guess you are not easy to satisfy…As expected of Lolimancer."
"Aggh ... .Why are you tormenting me?! Is it because of yesterday?" Cringing at Lolimancer again, Subaru asks uncontrollably.
To that Anastasia's face changed.
"What are you talking about?"
"...You know, the name thing." The way he left her out of the loop on the matter…
Subaru genuinely felt bad. And yet…
"I don't know what you are talking about?"
After hearing from Anastasia that Julius wanted to meet him today, he left. But before seeing him…
"A wild Priscilla appeared."
"What you just said was rude. But for some reason I feel like it has an even worse context behind it."
Going back to his room, he found Priscilla on his bed. If it was wearing sensual things, Frederica did not come close. Priscilla lit a fire inside of him once again.
But he didn't want to just attack her like an animal.
'But now I won't be able to sleep on that futon without relaxing'
Seeing the crimson hairs that left her majestic body around the futon and guessing the remaining smell she might've left behind. Subaru thought he would be having a sweet discomfort while sleeping on that...
"Was that futon uncomfortable? And why didn't you sleep on the bed?"
"I should be asking you. Why would you sleep in here when you have a bed here?"
Futon, Japanese style ground bed was optional in this hotel, which was why this room also had a luxurious bed.
"Beatrice wanted to experience it, that's about it. What about you?"
"I assumed it would have an aspect that I missed. You do show me things like that now and then after all." Priscilla looked at Subaru's black eyes.
"...Not that many times to be honest." —From your point of view, that is, it remains unsaid.
But Subaru also missed an implication as well.
—There was a time back then, when they had to stay somewhere and the place had no beds.
Whether Priscilla was pointing it out at that time or not, Subaru didn't even think about it. After all, she can't have that recollection.
"...Hmm? Why does the place beside you seem to be used? Are you cheating on me?" Subaru says with seriousness of some sorts, but it was obvious that he is only acting. Though there were signs that someone slept beside Priscilla.
"Hmph. You must be feeling really confident about yourself that not only are you joking but also questioning a woman who you haven't answered to."
Indeed.
Priscilla confessed to him.
But he mustn't wait. Subaru wasn't Emilia, he shall not make Priscilla wait and somewhat feel insecure about herself, she didn't deserve that and he didn't want to see the woman with highest self-belief have doubts.
But he couldn't hurry either, she didn't deserve that kind of recklessness after all.
Subaru gets in front of the wardrobe and kicks it.
"NGHYAAA!?" As he proved himself correct. He opened the door.
"A wild Beatrice appeared…no. A Gambler Beatrice."
Not only was she hiding…but she had 2 bags worth of gold coins. She looked like she robbed a bank.
"...Subaru…listen to me."
"And here I was worried because I wasn't spending time with you as frequently as before since we came here….I see. Spank time it is."
"Spank time? Fufufu~" Priscilla giggles as she hears that.
"...No….No! I DON'T DESERVE THAT!" Beatrice leaps, probably with some mana enhancing the action. But Subaru catches her while she was in the air with his quick reflexes, and pulling her back is not even a feat, she has the weight of a single feather, literally.
"Little kids like you shouldn't gamble. You should wait for 18." Subaru says with a dead serious face.
"18? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I SUPPOSE? Do you know how many 18 years I passed for me IN FACT?! When will I turn 18 in your eyes?"
"Never. You are a little girl forever, by design." Subaru speaks those hope-killing words without any hesitation.
"...Mother…I hate you." No way of going against facts, Beatrice speaks of her annoyance to not Subaru but her old caretaker.
But Subaru rejected Beatrice's venom against Echidna.
"No. This is the smartest decision that the Perverted Witch made. You will never have your rebellious phase, you are not leaving either…No boyfriends whatsoever. Wait a minute? Perhaps she is actually a genius!?"
"What kind of understanding of intelligence is this? That's what made you convinced that she is a genius?...Wait what?" Beatrice was frustrated that one time Subaru admitted her mother's intelligence (one of the few things she defended about her and one he rejected) it was because of some ridiculous reason.
However, one part confused her and she wasn't alone.
""Perverted Witch?""
Priscilla and Beatrice asked at the same time.
Subaru was annoyed at his own mouth. There were many reasons why he called that woman a pervert…one being that body fluid. He knowsit tasted different that one time.
But what suddenly appeared in his mind this time was her choice of underwear. He knew it was according to his taste's as when he saw it because she showed it in a sneaky way, he knew in that instance he saw that one on Earth.
"...No comment. It's irrelevant. Come here!" Subaru quickly sits and takes Beatrice on his lap…and it starts.
"NHWAAAAAAA!? NOOOOOOOOOO! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WROOONG IN FACT!"
"You didn't do anything wrong? You looked like you had a crazy time in Vegas!"
"...I don't know about that place. But Subaru…I did no gambling! I KNEW I COULD WIN! You know this!"
It wasn't a lie. Beatrice did see Subaru being unaffected by blessings, lying in front of Sword Saint at one time without even being caught. He told things that Beatrice knew it to be a lie. It was nearly a year ago, but she did not forget it.
Even so…another spank.
"Will you stop making excuses? Not like you need any money…"
"It's not about the money. It's about drive. It's about power! It's about winning—AUGGGGH!"
"You talked like that one guy who tried to rob me on the street so he could gamble."
"I didn't gamble! I saw you lie back then! The blessing didn't work—Nyaaaaaaaa!" Once again, she is spanked. She wasn't even lying about Subaru lying scot free beside Reinhard or Crusch. But Subaru didn't care.
"Why are you reacting that much? It's not like I hit that hard…Priscilla won't help you, she isn't the merciful type."
"Actually…I was about to interfere, I would have done it before if I didn't want to watch her struggle more."
Priscilla explained, receiving a glare from the 400 years old little girl.
"...Priscilla, don't tell me that second bag…" Realization hits him.
"What? Are you going to spank me too?"
"...I would, if I didn't believe that it would lead to different things."
"Coward." Priscilla teasingly said.
"..." Which caused Subaru to think about his options. He wasn't going to let that taunt aside—
"Don't get weird thoughts. A child is here…anyways, I don't know why you are so overprotective, she has a good reason. I also knew you would win. It wasn't a gamble."
"That's a lie. You don't see how I can win against Reinhard, that time..." Subaru said as he remembered Priscilla saying he can't win if he brute forces his way when he tried to follow Reinhard.
"...It was never about winning against Sword Saint unlike what those fools thought. It was whatever you come up with against that single blessing. I was willing to make a bet, but when I saw the look in your eyes, I knew it wasn't a bet when I saw it. But it was fun to take their money anyway."
Priscilla simply explained, as always, she was logical as ever. Not to mention how she was starting to learn about subtle signs of confidence Subaru showed ever so secretly.
Subaru sighed and released Beatrice. He didn't ask how she joined that little game, but she probably used Emilia to gamble. But…
"Wait a minute?! Why does Beatrice have the second bag then? Charity?"
"Not a bad amount, I didn't expect those commoners to bet that much. But I have no need for money. So I made a deal with the child."
Subaru looks at Beatrice, only to see she was whistling while looking away.
Before Subaru asks, Priscilla answers.
"Let's say that she answered a few questions for me…About you of course." She says with a smile.
"...Never thought I would be betrayed by you because of money." Subaru looked at Beatrice with a weird expression. Since when spirits cared so much about material possession? He did think about being betrayed by Beatrice in some way…but it was always about Puck, Roswaal or Echidna…not money.
"It's not about the money I suppose! It's about who I support! Elf is getting to my nerves and she is no good. That Red Oni is sick in the head and she is a degenerate. The singer is a pest. Let's say it was a process of elimination in fact…"
'Yeah, I will ignore this.' He couldn't get angry towards that…answer. He didn't want to think about it either. He isn't a harem protagonist, those guys are more mentally stable than him after all.
"And then you guys slept together?"
"She forced me In fact! And then those pillows were too soft…I just happened to be asleep before I realized in fact!" As Beatrice spoke, Subaru's eyes found themselves on Priscilla's blessed chest.
Seeing that, she posed with her hands above, reaching on her back and pushing pillows even further.
'Khkhkkg…Calm down, Beatrice is here! BEATRICE IS HERE!' Subaru had to remind himself as Priscilla didn't hold back.
He looked at Beatrice to see her reaction but…
"Hey hey…Why are you smirking like that?"
"I guess Subaru is a healthy man I suppose. Or a perverted beast in fact."
"...What did I deserve to get my sexual interest called out loudly by a little girl…"
As their banter continued a little while, Priscilla continued to watch them. Seemingly content.
She never thought there would be someone like Beatrice beside Subaru.
A Great Spirit that is a child. Hundreds of years old yet not like that at all. Hundreds of people that are kind, rich, good, and bad tried to take her out of a room..
Only he achieved success. Not to mention she didn't even know him for a long time.
It was very clear that, while he was reckless beyond comprehension, one thing he could not risk was this child. Anything else could change. But for this little one, he took true responsibility.
Unlike that elven girl. She is replaceable. But I still don't know about the blue one…
"Hey, Priscilla." He called for her, in a way that turned the mood serious.
"What is it?"
"About yesterday…I am sorry." Subaru said as he scratched his head.
"Hmm?" Priscilla tilted her head.
Subaru continued.
"I shouldn't have been disrespected when it comes to matters that are important to you. In fact, I think I betrayed your trust in a way. I also want to thank you for still being fine with me after that. If you want to, we can talk about what happ—"
Subaru was surprised by Priscilla, who got close to him and put her slender finger on his lips, silencing him successfully.
"...I was apologizing you kno—"
"It's not that I am angry. I have no idea what you are talking about?"
Silence dominates.
"Agh…I guess I'll leave. Make sure to not show mercy on him while he self-deprecates." Assuming Subaru was having a bad moment, Beatrice decides to leave that to Priscilla…for this time.
"Of course not." While Beatrice's assumption on the situation wasn't correct…Priscilla didn't let her know that.
After the cute interaction between them, they were finally alone.
"Priscilla…Just, nevermind." After all, it wasn't that Anastasia was trying to escape from the topic or something else. It was Subaru's mistake to ignore all that.
It was his cowardice that made him hope that it was nothing.
"...Something wicked is going on, isn't it?" Priscilla said as her eyes shone dangerously. Filled with caution.
"Hmm?" Subaru was confused by her reaction.
"Don't insult mine intelligence. While I don't know what you are talking about, I have no doubts you were serious. Which means…something wicked affected me."
"..." Subaru's face couldn't be read.
Which is exactly why Priscilla understood that he was shocked that she realized.
"Is it you? Perhaps you subconsciously played with mine head after doing something stupid? I can feel that my purity is intact…but it's not like there isn't a chance that you were too occupied with something else and couldn't get into that part…"
"HEY HEY! Priscilla-san! I am not that kind of man! Not to mention I would rather have you be conscious…WHAT ARE YOU MAKING ME SAY?!"
Subaru realized that in a way, Priscilla was softening the mood. Which helped him a lot. As that showed she wasn't actually distrusting that he was playing with her, she was simply questioning if he did it without knowing. She was a genius like that.
But that—
"That is not possible."
"Why is that?" She said as her eyes locked on him. She did trust him, but reasoning is superior, always. She needs to make sure that he is not missing anything.
"You wouldn't be able to realize something is wrong. You wouldn't be able to have a bad feeling."
"Are you sure? Not remembering doesn't mean you forgot something deep down."
"Instincts. Gifts. This and that, I mean, you know all of that more than me. So decide yourself. Can you remember something that never happened?"
—It was exactly like that after all. Return By Death made the existence of the discarded path a philosophical question more than a scientific one. Subaru's consciousness traveled, so the only thing that ever observed that past was Subaru. But he also had freedom to deny whether that counts as something that has happenedor never happened. It was a matter of choice.
"The more I learn about it, the more I feel like I will hate this ability of yours."
"Believe me. I hate myself a lot. And that's reflected upon my ability, it hates me a lot."
Something far more convenient than Return By Death could come into existence, if only Subaru wished for it. But he hated himself too much for that to be possible.
"Well, then I'll trust you."
"Huh?"
"There is nothing I can do. I accepted that. Not to mention it doesn't seem like an effect that requires the enemy to be near."
"Oh..I see." It was weird to see her accept a defeat…
Priscilla was smart. While he was thinking ways to make her somewhat not be worked up about this, she already figured everything out on her own.
If it's a comparison of pure intelligence, Subaru had no chance against her.
"...I don't know what to say."
"Hmm? I am not worried at all. You are the fool that is most convenient for me, just fix all this."
With that kind of trust in him, he couldn't possibly feel bad.
World didn't need to save her, he would do just that.
While he somewhat evaded the hard topics when it comes to others, Julius didn't allow that.
Subaru had to explain his side of things concerning Reinhard and Felt.
"...So that's how you react huh?" Julius said while his hand under his chin.
"So…Why didn't you tell anything to Felt?"
"...What are you talking about?" Subaru asked, he didn't hide his irritation either.
The atmosphere was much more tense than the time they talked before.
They were both sitting on their chairs with hot tea in front of them.
"She even realized something was wrong…and wanted you to explain. Why didn't you answer?"
"If you have anything to say, spit it out." —That was what Felt said.
"Tell me Julius…What am I gonna do if she answers in a certain way?" Subaru smiles, it was an unnatural smile, very out of place.
"...Certain way?"
""It can't be helped." "They are under me so I can't let them be punished." "You'll have to forgive this time" You may not know it but I…turned a blind eye to a lot of people. Perhaps practically everyone around me. But you know…I am about to explode. So I can't have people saying thoughtless things to me. I don't want that."
—If you were to look at it from the perspective of a logical person, with all emotions aside. People Subaru met in this world showed him that they aren't good people at all.
Sure, friends around him smiled. They are not plotting villains, but it's not like that makes someone a good person.
If being cornered, did Subaru have absolute faith that Garfiel wouldn't just turn into a beast and mindlessly kill people? Just because he doesn't want to make a choice or acknowledge that those people should be stopped. That's what happened to the villagers Subaru liked once upon a time. And he cannot forget that.
What about his sister? She not only worked with Roswaal and used him to corner Subaru, but also didn't even lose her respect for that man.
If Subaru justifiably wanted to punish her or do something else, Garfiel will object regardless of how right Subaru is.
After that point, right or wrong has no meaning, it's "Who will assert their will harder?"
If Subaru were to do something to Roswaal, the current Ram may stay put, but Frederica won't stay silent.
'She might try to side with him, even with her life. And if I try anything with her, then Garfiel will be against me instead of waking her sister up. No, to begin with. Before Garfiel, Clind may just try something excessive, and I can't be slow with him. If Clind turns into a corpse, no one will understand my reasoning. Even If I make him attack me with his Authority before finishing him it won't matter. Emilia never sides with me, she didn't even do against Kiritaka so she won't do in a situation like that. Petra may think I wasn't who she thought and break off entirely. Roswaal may think that I should reset all this and try to force me, then I would kill him too. Even a regular questioning on someone's actions in a political camp ends with fucking corpses or my life being used as a chip. Not to mention Ram might just rile me up further so I can just snap.
It's like fucking dominoes, pieces won't stop falling. Damn…And that's me going easy and not thinking about Puck and all the fuckery he brings. Perhaps that's just what I escaped for so long? Maybe delaying has no point? Maybe I just have to be done with it and start with killing hi—'
"Subaru!" Being snapped out of his dark thoughts, Subaru felt Julius shook his shoulders violently.
This was done out of concern, yet Subaru didn't feel like that.
"Get off! Damn, what got into you?!" Slapping away Julius's arms and pushing him, Subaru kept a distance.
"Well…I was worried about you, despairing like that all by yourself." Julius didn't lose his cool like Subaru, perhaps that was because he knew that Subaru wouldn't act like this normally. He endured his venomous attitude
"...Well. Thanks for the concern, but it just can't be helped." All of that was nothing but accumulation of things he ignored after all.
He had to do something.
"Before deciding if it can be helped or not, what about being more positive about things?"
"...Positive?...Hahaha?! What do you even know that you dare to say that? You do not get into conflicting situations like mine. Your life is pretty straightforward, Knight-sama." He mocked him and the title he carried like it was nothing.
There was a time Julius could not endure this man talking about knighthood, it bothered him like nothing else. However that was before he saw Subaru doing things that being a 'Knight' wouldn't explain.
But even so…
"You are not the only one who is troubled by the way people act."
"Tch. Sure. Who are we talking about? Anastasia-san? Nah, you idolize her too much and your delusion is strong. Joshua? That would be an older sibling's worry at most. Ricardo? Ricardo is fucking awesome, no way. Oh, perhaps you are troubled by Mimi or something, hahaha, your biggest worry is a joke for me. Well, that's the same for everyone."
Pride. Subaru's self-centered belief about the difficulty of his path being so hard that no aspect of it could be compared to any other person came from a Pride that was so great that it sounded narcissistic.
But the reason it wasn't narcissism was the same reason why Subaru was beyond salvation. Because he was right. That Prideful statement was close to perfection.
But it wasn't perfect.
"...Sometimes I worry that everything I do will lead to nothing." Julius spoke with sincerity, as if opening up to Subaru.
"I think you might just be right about that. It wouldn't take much to take everything from you. Believe me, all it takes is one lunatic to challenge how much of a knight you are. You are so lucky that I was self-deprecating and not vengeful, oh man, now that I think about it it's insane how you got away with it. Don't get me wrong, it's not like just beating me deserves losing everyone around you in the most brutal ways you can imagine but man…I am a really petty person, it's insane I didn't just reset that part and find a way to humiliate you, that was a missed opportunity to be a shounen protagonist. Oh yeah, I just remembered why, it was so that I would keep the fight I had with Emilia, it was a turning point after all. I really should learn how to set checkpoints at some point. Though that also has some negative side effects…"
Subaru made it obvious how less he cared about Julius's problems(compared to his) by literally speaking to himself. Though Julius did not mind and continued. He didn't understand most of the things Subaru said anyway.
"While Anastasia-sama has capabilities to make this country prosper…The way things are right now…She sees no difference between owning a company and ruling a country."
—
"..."
—That cracked Natsuki Subaru.
Never in a million years thought that someone like Julius, would be having such an issue.
His mind searched wide and fast, yet he could not find any excuse.
Truth was obvious…
Julius was having the same issues with Subaru.
"Maybe you have problems with more than one person in a very troublesome situation, I just wanted you to know that I understand you."
—I understand you.
…It would be such a relieving thing to hear, if it didn't crash every single thing he accepted as truth.
He never considered that any of those people he met so far, had any doubts or hesitations in people they supported. Nothing beyond the surface.
'There is no way that is not true…No way.'
It was a cruel slap in the face, it was him who forced himself so hard to unsee the problems people around him had. All the things they did to him.
And yet…
That suffering was not special to him.
No matter how much he thought, he couldn't find any excuse.
Julius truly had this one thing common with him. It was undeniable.
And unlike him, Julius did not break down. He is not despairing.
"..."
If he isn't even the best at even that…
'No that is not acceptable.'
He won't allow it.
Right at that moment, steel clashed with steel.
Even Julius did not know he had that kind of reaction time.
But it all happened in an instant.
"What…Did you just do?" Knight's confused eyes widened to the limit.
Just in an instance, without any hesitation whatsoever, Natsuki Subaru tried to stab his own throat with a knife.
It happened a while ago, both of them stayed still. It didn't seem like anyone saw it.
Julius analyzed the situation, it was obvious that Subaru's mental state was beyond 'bad'.
However…
'I had seen spies and criminals attempting suicide so that they wouldn't be captured…But this is incomparable.'
The lack of hesitation and absence of any sign that showed that he decided that.
Simply put, there wasn't any delay between wanting to die and putting that into action.
It showed that Natsuki Subaru's determination was limitless as it looked.
And now, those determined eyes were looking at him judgingly.
How dare you interfere?
That's what he felt from his gaze. And those eyes definitely didn't label Julius as an ally.
In fact, considering the fact that they had fought before and how it ended up…Julius creeped out even more from the sense of self radiated from those eyes.
Julius understood that he was absolutely honest about him being lucky with how things turned out in the past.
It wasn't even insulting, after all, while from his perspective, Subaru wasn't deadly…Wasn't that perspective belonged to anyone who obliterated him?
Subaru knows what Julius is, his power.
While Subaru is a walking anomaly to him.
"A lot of people think you don't have much pride…But looking at you, it is just in a different form."
"..." Subaru did not answer. Julius was sure he was right anyway.
Looking like a fool, being made fun of, lack of outright admiration, Subaru accepting such things didn't mean he had no pride. It simply meant that he just didn't care.
For the first time perhaps, Julius saw something that bothered Subaru on a personal level.
'That being said, I have no way to help him.'
He is absolutely sure that 'kindness' won't help this man.
So…
"Why won't you sit? I didn't even fully explain myself."
"..."
"You don't want to kill yourself without any complete understanding right?"
Without saying anything, he moved towards the fallen knife and picked it up.
"Fair enough." He said as if Julius was speaking pure logic.
And he sat in front of him.
'He is definitely insane…'
And it was totally different as well. Subaru's madness wasn't even comparable to anything he saw before. Even that Archbishop was fixated on something.
Every madman was fixated on something. But Subaru is quite self-conscious and self-aware, functioning like most people yet different than everyone.
'This won't help, I can't possibly 'figure him out' that's just not possible.'
So instead, he tried to work things out with what he understood so far.
It was impossible to forcibly stop him from killing himself. Not when he had that level of conviction.
"You seem to think that our situation is the same…But I opened up to give you an example."
"..."
"There are differences. Very important differences. In my case, I did talk about Anastasia-sama many times. While it isn't satisfactory, things aren't looking hopeless."
"..."
"In your case, it's not about a problem of what the future might bring. It's about real crimes being committed, misdoings that are ignored and people that hurt you."
"..." Subaru's expression changed. He seemed more vulnerable.
"And unlike me, when you go to talk to them, it will be about things they might not compromise. Simply because they don't want to. Or maybe it's because they are idealistic, or it's about someone they care about."
All of that hit so close to home for Subaru.
If he opened up about Frederica, Garfiel might go against him even if he was right.
How will Emilia react about Puck? What about Beatrice? They did speak about talking things and it was precious to Subaru…But he has doubts about that now. As Beatrice still didn't do anything at all, just like Emilia. As if they do nothing but stagnate.
"And you…You are not in your right mind. You seem like you've done nothing but hurt so far…Perhaps you want to hurt other people as well for that reason. Maybe you only wait to be convinced that none of the connections you created matters…and you only need an excuse to cut them all."
With that something broke inside of Subaru…It wasn't fair for someone like Julius to say all those things when he was nothing but a one dimensional knight bastard.
He couldn't hold the tears…They dropped from his face in a straight line, nonstop.
But it wasn't sadness or hopelessness he felt.
"Subaru…" Julius muttered in confusion as he looked at him.
What Subaru was doing right now wasn't breaking down or anything negative like that.
He was genuinely—released.
"That's…righ….t" He started to shake.
Things were more clear now.
"I just want to…judge them."
Emilia. Roswaal. Echidna. Other witches. Reinhard. Felt. Otto. Garfiel. Maybe even all Lugunica…Satella
All this time slowly it came to this point.
"Tell them everything…Tell them everything…"
With a big, genuine smile of relief and gratefulness, he said.
"Take everything from them. Show them."
…
"That I hate how things work for them…To show them that there are consequences, to show them they can't just get away with it."
"..."
"Julius, I want to kill anyone who ever steps on my life, speak freely…and show that I am free."
He spoke with a big smile that showed no teeth, while his tears streamed down those red cheeks.
Julius saved Subaru, and felt happy for him. Julius was scared of Subaru as well.
But a single thought dominated his mind.
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
—
He never saw Subaru so alive before.
Things were really awkward for Julius, to the point he was sweating from discomfort. While Subaru was outright whistling from happiness as they walked in narrow streets.
"Man…I never thought I would say stuff like that to you. I can't believe how much you changed! I didn't think anyone could change that much in this world! Or change at all…"
Subaru's casualness didn't help the situation.
'I just need to wait more, surely he will realize he did make a declaration of crime in front of a Knight of Lugunica, then we can sort things out.'
Julius nodded to himself. Which Subaru raised an eyebrow.
"And I guess you are my friend, that's really relieving." Subaru said happily.
"I am glad you think that way, Subaru."
'I've never been in a harder situation, not even when I went to Vollachia'
Julius had an adventure where he had to protect the Emperor himself as there wouldn't be any peace treaty if he was down. Vincent Vollachia was admittingly most peaceful compared to other Emperors.
But even that couldn't be compared to this kind of discomfort.
"...Ah, by the way, what's the plan?"
"...Ah?"
"What do you mean ah?" Subaru said as if it was obvious.
"You are gonna help me right? At least I felt that's the case…" Subaru said as he looked at Julius.
"...Can you be more specific…?"
"I don't know what you mean by that. I was talking about what I should do from now on."
That made Julius stop in his place.
"What?"
"...This is getting annoying." Subaru said to himself.
"Are you…willing to listen to me?"
"Oh yeah. You helped me. In fact you helped me in a way that I never could imagine. Normally I would get lap pillows and stuff. The feeling of thighs are just enough to calm me enough so that I can turn a blind eye to things."
"I won't comment on that…"
"Yeah, it's not working anymore. Back then it was good to hear a girl do an ASMR on my ear while saying "It was tough wasn't it?" Now any implication from Emilia that she understands me would make me vomit…That would be a waste, she has such nice legs. At this point only Rem would work and even that is unproven."
'Now thinking about it, that was so out-of-character…Puck told him about my situation right? Hahaha, now it makes sense. Heck, he might even have told her what to say. No. I am sure he did.'
The worst part was, he was likely talking to her with telepathy, probably adding things like whispering into his ears and stuff personally.
He knew Puck was trying to manipulate him and Emilia but everytime he thinks about the past, he sees that his efforts are creepier than he thinks. Every single time.
"Now…I am really glad to hear that you are open to my aid. However, with the things you said…isn't this kinda weird?"
"Oh totally. But again, those things are not the things you want. You helped me, I can't just create chaos that will burn you Julius."
"...I am glad that you are not willing to do desperate things. You may not think that way, but including me, no one wants to be in a position to do anything harmful to you."
"...Man, you think you guys have a chance? That's so sad."
"...That's a rather…provocative thing to say to a Knight. I must say."
"I am literally helping you here though?! We are talking about a madman that would make Petelguese look like a puppy and cause a resemblance between Satella and a kitten…oh shit, I thought of her with cat ears…Wait, is that a memory? Why is that dress so perverted?"
"...Subaru, please do not mistake your wet dreams about Emilia-sama with hateful Witch."
'To be honest, they do look the same.' He added in his mind.
While they were walking towards whatever destination Julius had in mind, Subaru decided to do something interesting as he closed his eyes.
…..So nothing happened at the end?
For the first time ever, Subaru agreed to take a peek at the past. It was done out of nothing but fun, he would never remember or be interested in it seriously anyway. The past was long dead. He always knew there was a past, from the very beginning even without the most obvious signs, but he didn't acknowledge it even in his own head.
As the memories played out, he saw that things started from growing distance between the two people, weirdly enough, he was seeing things from a mix of first and third person POV. In fact he could hear his and Satella's thoughts, slightly as it is.
This wasn't a memory, it had no doubt had to do with Return By Death…
—Does it even have a limit?
Satella was doing something important with others, which 'Subaru'disagreed with coldly.
The past relationship 'Subaru' gets reminded ofwas one where he was the one who gave the attention(similar to him)to Satella, while not looking as much as goofy as Subaru who played with Emilia, it seemed more healthy for both of them while there was obviously a one sidedness to all of that. Which Subaru also acknowledges.
After 'Subaru' ends being reminded of the past, he sees the Satella in front of him, who is seemingly trying to make him feel better with a…lewd cosplay, cat ears and all which wasn't so high in his leaderboard of fetishes. Subaru could see that she also wanted to move things forward between them but…well.
'He is dense…no, that's not fair, more like too depressed to realize that.' Which was the norm for Natsuki Subaru anyway, regardless of time. Anything below Rem wouldn't be enough to shine a light on the man called Natsuki Subaru. And until that day he saved her, he just thought "She is just being kind"...but then she appeared beside his bed later in the morning. Just to see his sleeping face…
In any case, the 'depressed' state was normal for Natsuki Subaru. This 'Subaru' was obviously close to being crushed.
As things continue, he sees that 'Subaru' doesn't feel anything at all. Which kinda made Subaru feel bad, as things are right now, unlike this Subaru he would enjoy whatever Emilia brought to table even if he thought nothing would happen. 'Subaru' , unlike Subaru, seemed to care a lot more about Satella and people around.
And then, a white haired beauty with a happy expression, Echidna, come into the room as her expression turns shocked and then hurt—
"Opps, that's just too much. Any more and I might give a damn."
"Subaru?"
"It's nothing Julius. I am just being weird."
"That…is quite normal, admittingly."
With that, a silent walk continued. Julius seemed relaxed. Which made Subaru happy.
But then his expression turned darker…
'I was only peeking for funny stuff, don't give me that crap.'
Whatever happened, happened.
'I swear, I won't let anything like that get in my way. No matter what.'
If Natsuki Subaru of that time accepted the conclusion, he would respect it.
Ending was the most important thing ever to Natsuki Subaru.
It didn't matter if it was good or bad…
'If he…no, I accepted it then that's all there is. That's more than enough.'
That story already ended, this was a new one.
From zero.
Julius too, having internal thoughts while Subaru was having his.
Julius thought if he was ignoring some direct approach because he wanted to help Subaru.
Was it truly the right choice?
This could count as internal affairs of another camp after all. And Subaru's plans were less than legal.
…
After questioning for a while, Julius dropped that idea.
This whole thing was beyond law, not because there wasn't any law to cover, but because of the inherent selfishness all parties carried.
Reinhard may be the absolute hero. He is the strongest, no doubt.
But if they are protecting this Kingdom then they should always keep the rules in mind, regardless how much power they have.
Subaru, regardless how bad he looks. He might just be the most normal person, or maybe he is trying to abide by other people's opinions and overall rules.
Reinhard did keep criminals.
But…going against Reinhard at this stage was hard too.
Julius had to suppress the strong urge to explain to Subaru that it can't be helped and things are not just as they should be.
But that assumes that Subaru's situation is hopeless and he is powerless to do anything. Absolutely nothing.
'He…doesn't act like that whatsoever'
Natsuki Subaru acts like he is the most free person in existence. As if he had every and any choice.
If achievements the world saw so far just happened to be some of Subaru's choices, maybe he is right after all.
Whether emotionally or with simple logic, choosing Reinhard and other people that did wrong to Subaru did not make sense. Yes, Subaru expressed bad intentions but he didn't actually do anything.
Not to mention Subaru was willing to cooperate.
'He is being too easy for a difficult person.'
Which made Julius wonder…
Can you suffer from freedom?
Perhaps Subaru wants someone to decide things for him at this point. As he seemingly feels free from anything.
But that isn't right.
If it's the wrong person, it could lead to disaster.
…
'There is no need to think about that'
It's not like Julius got so far as to understand a mystery called Natsuki Subaru.
He should look what is right in front of him.
"What do you mean we won't do anything?" Subaru looked at Julius as he looked at him dumbfounded.
They were sitting at a cafe of some sort.
"...Rather than do anything specific and be in a hurry, we should just let you relax a bit. After all, any person you might want to confront by speaking to them can have an emotional response against you...might lead you to give up on them really quickly. In the end, right now you have no hope for things to end up good and have reasons to believe that. I do believe that is because you are filled with too much…So I thought maybe you won't be so close to blowing up if I can lower the weight you feel…even if it's just a little bit."
Basically: Let's get down a little bit so maybe you may see more options with a clear mind.
"After all, right now…You do want to do "Bad things" am I wrong?"
"...That is right. And let me tell you, I have a lot of justification for everyone that is at my side right now."
"...Would that include Emilia-sama?"
"Of course it does." Subaru says with his voice turning lower while receiving some kind of strength.
Julius almost felt like Subaru was saying that she was at the top of the list.
Which would be unbelievable for many people. With how Subaru and Emilia are seen normally.
However, as far as politics and royal selection was considered, everybody knew Emilia would have problems with Subaru.
You cannot carry a wild card like that and do things wrong.
There were several professional assumptions about Natsuki Subaru, made by analysts. All Knights serving Candidates knew that too.
Subaru does not support Emilia, politically speaking.
This fact was a simple one reached by many simply because Subaru had no fear or consideration while stating his opinions.
Then why did he never talk about politics? It was very simple, while he was with Emilia, he couldn't openly support her politics and skills despite doing that would help Emilia's campaign a lot. Simply because he didn't support her as a politician.
"By the way…Where is Ram-san?"
"Back in the mansion." While Subaru didn't know how much interaction they had, or when they had any interactions to begin with, he answered.
"I…don't want to touch anything sensitive but, how is your relationship after…Rem-san…slept?"
"You don't need to thread that carefully. Rem…is important to me. But she will absolutely wake up one day, so her being mentioned doesn't bother me that much." Though it is terrifically hard to get her out of my head temporarily, that girl, she isn't living rent free on my head, at this point she has an entire land there as she sunbathes. Oh god, Rem with a bikini…
While it pained, annoyed, bothered, and made Subaru sad (also horny sometimes) he was sure Rem would be happy to hear that he couldn't stop thinking about her.
"Ram. Ram…Well, she doesn't talk much about Rem." After all, she didn't remember her, just like Julius and anyone else.
However, it wasn't always like that. There was a period of time Ram asked a lot about her, that was before their new relationship started though.
"...I see, I guess it is frightening to hear about a sibling relationship you do not remember."
"I…guess?" Subaru was confident in his ability to see through Ram so…He didn't think that was the case.
Not to mention, Ram was a coward as far as anything about relationships went. He already told her how she was inferior to Rem in every single way.(2)
"How is your relationship with her?"
"Well...Same, I guess." Subaru looked rather, dismissive, to Julius at least.
"Do you have any problems with her?"
"...Like anybody else, and maybe a bit worse. No, it's disgusting right?"
"What do you think will happen if you speak about problems you have with her…?"
"She likes it quite a bit."
"Excuse me?" Julius said as he was surprised by the weird remark coming from Subaru, in a totally different tone.
"Oh, I said that aloud? Oh, eh, well, Ram is a bit of an exception you see…I am a bit more honest with her."
"...I…see?" Julius says with doubt. None of the things Subaru holds inside of him could be good things about her, but he also said she likes it? Julius didn't understand whatsoever.
But perhaps a part of him didn't want to understand it at all.
"How did you feel when you opened up to her?"
"..." Subaru didn't answer right away, instead, he looked like he was thinking about it deeply.
"...Now I think about it, perhaps….Ah, well, I think I felt relaxed." Everything would end if I blew up to anyone other than Ram…Maybe she…provoked me knowing that? So things would end up my way?
That kind of consideration and willingness to be used…could it be true?
Whether Subaru would digest that properly or not, that was exactly the case.
Though he got one thing wrong. Ram's wish to get under whoever Subaru really was, that was totally unrelated to keeping status quo in the Emilia Camp, let alone giving any damn about that, Ram didn't even think about it.
Her reasonings were totally centered on herself and Subaru.
In a way, endless peace was a poison to Ram just like it was to him.
They just could not be content when they weren't ignorant whatsoever. While Ram kept it inside like a normal person just because she was able to obsess with Roswaal like a sick freak, Subaru did his best to create a persona that even supposedly deluded himself, his ability to turn a blind eye and using Emilia as an excuse carried him to a point.
But…both of these methods involved delusion and ability to ignore to a high point, when that couldn't be done, the sand castle fell apart.
While Subaru could suffer alone until the end of everything thanks to his infinite pain threshold…Ram wasn't the same.
And since Ram knew Subaru just enough to know that he was smart enough to see things true…no, actually, as far as Ram concerned even she was fooled, the only reason she realized there was more to him was because Subaru's ability to keep insane social balance in Emilia Camp required actually knowing every single person there.
That could not be done by an idealistic boy who was sickly in love with a dumb girl.
The moment she realized that, it haunted her.
After that…she finally stopped resisting.
In the end, she managed to crack Subaru, it wasn't like she managed to put a pressure on the immortal time travel to the point he broke down, she won, because Subaru ignored a lot about himself, so it was a surprise to him when he snapped at Ram, emotionally and physically.
But that was it, everything changed at that moment. Brutalizing that girl with facts from his mouth and with those hands, relieved Subaru in a way that broke down his delusions.
And that was it, there was no turning back. It was almost petty, after having a similar problem of her own, Ram pulled Subaru in a similar place. However…
She did take responsibility, no, that implies as if she wasn't content with it.
In the end, Subaru's sand castle, everything built up was broken by one person in that camp who preferred the monster inside of Subaru instead of whatever he was role playing as.
"At least…You seem to be fond of the time you two spend?" Julius's voice pulls Subaru back from the depths of his mind.
"Yes. I suppose." If you only knew what that meant…
Subaru didn't speak more to Julius about that. He was genuinely grateful for his help after all, he didn't want to lose that.
"I see." Julius said and continued.
"While I said you should relax. I won't just leave it there…What I planned for you is…Meeting new people."
"...New people?"
With that, Julius's efforts to make Subaru choose a healthier path, starts.
With Otto's suggestion, Emilia was trying hard to get connections in Priestella…however today she didn't want to do anything like that, instead of meeting with countless old men, Emilia wanted the connection she wanted.
She wore the dress Puck chose for her when she went on a date with Subaru first…and only time.
Now thinking about it, there were a lot of times Subaru kept joking around and talking about dates, while never pushing for it whatsoever. Whether that was him joking or wanting her to do something about it…Emilia didn't want to learn the answer from Subaru, as she knew the answer very well.
Subaru wasn't slothful like her after all.
But that will change today!
"Sorry, I need to do things with Julius." With that, Subaru moved past her with the things he wore while coming to Priestella…
"Eh?"
With that, Emilia became the first victim of Julius Juukulius.
She wouldn't be the last, nor this would be the first time she was left behind because of Julius.
"...So, you met with Julius like that huh?" Subaru said as he sipped his tea.
"Yes, a noble was having a meeting with my father so Julius-sama was responsible for security…"
"I guess some handsome Lugunican Knight in flesh was more interesting than old men speaking to each other about the poor souls they are making money off of."
Whether it was blunt disrespect against nobles or calling her interest in other men out in a meeting like this, the woman in white dress made a shocked expression.
But…
"Heheheh…Hahaha…" That ended well for Subaru as she giggled continuously.
"To be honest. I was interested in Julius-sama. But…Well, it would obviously not happen, he was too reserved about many things. I am fine with that too, but it isn't acceptable because of my situation." She said shyly as she played with her white hair, it wasn't white because she was old, it was the natural hair color.
And…White, Silver and Platinum like hairs were Subaru's favorite.
'Damn Julius, you did look out of my tastes after all. Thank you. Hmm…so she wants a daring person?'
Whether that was true or she just said that because she knew Subaru's reckless actions it didn't matter.
"You spoke as if you wanted someone daring…"
"...Y…yes." She spoke shyly as she answered.
"But do you realize that you are speaking to the most extreme guy in this country—no, world when it comes to romance?"
"..." As she paused and thought about what he said.
She remembered that the person sitting in front of him was the same man who couldn't give a damn that the girl he found cute had the same features and race as the Witch.
Not to mention challenging the whole nation—
Oh no!
"NO!" She
"Woah?! That was loud."
"..Ah..Eh…I mean, please don't do anything extreme! Regardless what kind of feeling might bloom inside of you for me!"
"...You switch from shy maiden to cautious noble way too quickly!"
In the end, conversation turned into one where honesty took the lead.
Eventually, she accepted that they can roam around for a bit.
'Well, this is going well. This might be my first date with a woman that actually knows that she is on a date.'
In this world, it's called many things like 'outings' 'serious meetings' and some other things. But not date.
'So…things can be normal even for me huh? Well, that's obvious. It's not like I am like witches or bishops anyway.'
—That's right, even Subaru can have normal relationships.
A whip was stuck on a sturdy place, ready for a young man to use it to get across another building.
—While holding a woman with a single arm.
"SO THAT'S WHY YOU SAID YOU NEED SOMEONE THAT IS DARING…HOLY SHIT I WAS ABOUT TO BECOME AN NTR UGLY BASTARD TYPE OF CHARACTER!"
"I am sorry! I was going to ask you to steal me away. I thought it would be easy too…If Natsuki Subaru himself were to openly declare. They would just think "This guy is crazy while chasing a woman, he even went for the half-demon! it can't be helped" and then give up! And I don't know what that word means but at least you are not ugly!"
"You should've said that before then!"
"Soorry! You were actually really good so I didn't want to mess up my chances by revealing my intentions I had at the beginning! I thought you would steal me away at the end anyway so I thought it was okay to stay silent…But didn't think he would just walk in randomly like that! And I think I like men with evil eyes!" Probably lost composure after swinging with Subaru's reckless use of whip, a woman in his arm spilled everything.
'...What the hell! so that Kabedon (3) actually worked!? And she just happens to have a fetish box that I tick?'
Whether he should be happy that he figured things out as an inexperienced man and had some success on the date or worry because of a weird situation he didn't know.
With a sigh, he used his whip with unnatural strength and brought them to a high place with good scenery.
—In the end, after watching the commotion from far away, all of that ended with Subaru sneaking inside and finding proof of corruption for the woman to use against her father and the 'ugly bastard' fiancee.
Everything ended well for her, she took over the business and was freed from obligations to marry.
Since everything ended conveniently for her and it was a start with hidden intent from both parties, Subaru didn't hold back when she heard her confession.
"If I feel like running away from the complicated relationships I have right now. Maybe I will think about it."
—With that, the day ended with a result that made Julius slap his forehead hard.
Yet, it was a success. Subaru learned there was more to this world…
Various members of the camp were sitting in a place as they watched Liliana perform, everyone was feeling the song in their souls as they relaxed…
Except Subaru.
"My fucking ears…This feels so wrong." He muttered silently. He had to endure it, that weird touch in his mind. Unlike everybody else, he didn't feel good about it at all.
"...Why should you always have to be problematic? I even let you have a good seat beside me, without asking for any money whatsoever."
"I know how much that gesture means, but I just can't help it. I will repay you later. In some way."
"Hmm…What about this time you spend some money on me?~"
"Julius." At this point, he didn't even need to add "We gotta do something" or "Sorry, but it's between us"
After all, it's been a while since Anastasia became the second victim of Julius Juukulius.
"He will see a cut in his salary this time."
—While Anastasia was totally serious about that, it's not like Julius would even realize that..
((
"So…I was planning that it would just be something casual, isn't this moving a bit too fast?" Subaru said to the person beside him.
This was his partner this time around. Sometimes he would meet a very normal woman that couldn't handle his weirdness and sometimes he would find himself in weird situations.
But this time felt a little bit different.
"Do not worry Subaru-sama, I think we will have a fruitful conclusion today." Delicate woman with a princess-like dress answered with her soft voice, with a tint of red on her cheeks.
As they entered a big mansion outside of Priestella, things didn't go as expected, instead of being served tea or something like that, the woman brought Subaru to a suspicious stone staircase, going downwards.
'I mean, at worst, she is a psychotic bitch that wants to kill me. That's nothing that will give me any trauma whatsoever at this point, it's fine.'
In the end, it might even be a source of pride for him, that's what Subaru thought as he imagined a woman saying something like "I just couldn't take you out of my mind!" even if it's murderous.
With those thoughts, he followed her.
And she grabbed a lantern made out of a magical stone, very similar to what Emilia held in the very first loop.
'Unfortunately, even our first meeting wasn't something I can remember fondly' it's not like he was super close with that Emilia, which would be ok, if not outright insulting because of the single fact that he was distrusted despite being checked by Puck several times in that loop and being the first stranger who didn't judge her…'
In the end, the amount of things Natsuki Subaru had to do to gain trust was multiplied by a thousand fold just because he was…Natsuki Subaru.
To this day, it was a mystery why the hell he was disliked by everybody instantly and gaining trust was so hard.
….What?
"Hey…"
"Yes? Are you perhaps having a hard time picking one?"
"...No. Not that. I just…wondered, what….what the hell made you think…without any doubt…That doing this would….work? With me…"
With a dead straight tone, Subaru asked while looking at nothing but the woman.
"Well, you see, you are like me. I also like them very much. Unlike other people who think that they are devils, it's more like they are angels aren't they?"
"No. There is absolutely no way…that rumors or information about me can make you assured that THIS wouldn't blow up on you."
Subaru tried to insert some doubt into her and yet…
She shrugged off easily.
"...Well, of course. I wasn't sure either…When I saw Subaru-sama's eyes. Indeed…I saw many many eyes…The man you killed, nobles with sick desires and so on. So I am not wrong. You are indeed obsessed."
The man you killed, hearing that, Petelguese popped up on his mind.
…Comparing him to all of them and yet, acting as if he is the worst, even though he did nothing.
"I do not know what you have seen on the way h— no, what you saw in the tomb, but it is unlikely to have been anything good. compared to the gaze that clearly sees someone else when you look at me, this is far viler."
Ram
"That's not really what I'm getting at. This it's fine if I'm the one who's
hurting the most idea is low and unfair. I think Echidna's a blackhearted
schemer, too, and I know exactly how underhanded she can be…but I think
you're twisted in a way that's creepier than any Witch."
That Wrath Bitch
"It's all my fault after all…Overlooking things. But now I see, your eyes, you are not just a madman or misguided fool…You are like us, no, you are a class of your own. Now I feel like we are bound by loathing, truly wonderful."
Elsa…
'All of them, people that are fucked up in their heads…calling me crazy in their own way.'
However,
"...This…This…" Subaru cannot finish his sentence as he looks at the cages. Which are barely visible.
Woman, who still didn't think Subaru was displeased in any way, speaks.
"I'll let you see clearly." And then, with a hand gesture, the room got lit.
Inside the cages, fully naked beings with sharp ears with various lengths. Lack of light or hope in their eyes mirrored their destroyed souls
They were all elves..
Their appearances indicated various ages, even the full elves who weren't supposed to look older than a certain age broke that rule, as if their mistreatment achieved something impossible after challenging their nature.
Various feces and many body fluids scattered around. Cages were so tiny that they were on their fours, not one of them standing straight. Obviously being treated as animals.
Almost as if they gave up on being a 'person' they did not react to the new person coming into that room.
Calling it a room was also wrong, it was more like a 'facility', it was a big space, Subaru's mind processed things that it shouldn't've processed, there were places that were left for breeding, his mind understood, being fed and all of that without a single piece of clothing.
There was no hope, if perhaps someone with more idealistic beliefs could make up something like that which didn't exist here, or maybe someone optimistic could see something Subaru couldn't.
What Subaru saw was that…
"G…enerations. Generations. Generations." He didn't blink, his head slightly hanging backwards as he stood there. Repeated that word a few times.
"Oh…Yes, even I didn't expect that much from you, but yes, you are truly observant. These girls and the few males there, weren't brought here. The ones that were brought, they are long gone. I am not sure how many generations passed for them though, it is much harder to count than you think, believe me. Yes, they bred a lot of times…even though it was hard for them to get pregnant as they are elves…but there are ways if you are determined."
It was the worst praise he ever got in his life.
"What I am about to do…If I fail, I will do it again, over and over again." He held his own black hair over his forehead as he grasped with one hand and it looked like he was going to rip it…but that pain didn't come close to the imaginary headache he felt right now.
"Why…are you looking at me like that? Perhaps you are disgusted? Normally I do leave the toilet part open and they are thoroughly trained but this time the customer wanted them dirty…for some reaso—"
She stopped speaking as Subaru's eyes, which were covered by his hand, became visible to her.
"...Hkggh! Heee!?"
As she instinctively backed, she fall uncontrollably and tried to cast magic—-
"Why?" Her magic failed. No, she didn't fail, but it disappeared anyway.
"..."
"What did you do?"
That gaze, it was nothing compared to what she found comparable to Archbishops.
That look caused her to have one similarity between elves held in captivity. She too, was covered in her own piss now.
"...Thank you."
"..."
"I see it now. No amount of self-hate can make me delude myself in front of this."
"..."
"It doesn't matter if I am the devil. It doesn't matter who I kill or what path I choose."
"p…please"
"As long as I am not this, it's fine."
—Unlike what he imagined, Natsuki Subaru did not need to repeat that session of torture.
After all, when it was done. She was less than those elves who were more close to animals than humans.
Somewhat…even this helped Natsuki Subaru.
(Night ends, Sun rise)
"I don't know how you found me Subaru-dono, but it was the right choice."
"Amount of logistics and secrecy required…It was obvious connections were necessary. So there are more people in this situation…And I was sure you would be in the city when all candidates were here." Subaru doesn't answer 'how' and instead speaks something else.
In front of him, Russel Fellow. The man who reminded him of the politicians from Earth, he had actual darkness inside of him, but he was competent, which was hard to find in this world. What he was is actually more comparable to a leader of the secret service than a politician.
"I do not know how such a thing can be done for them, but I will take responsibility. I don't know. Take my money for expenses, send them to Roswaal without anyone knowing, question the thing and get answers. Find people connected to this. Just do it."
Subaru spoke and started walking away.
"...Here I thought you would be better after spending some time in this beautiful city but…You somehow got worse." He couldn't help but comment.
"Oh and Russel…"
"...What is it?"
"If somewhat, somehow, any noble gets a hear, use them in any way, political, slavery, whatever. I will do what I did to her, to every single one of them. I don't discriminate."
"...That's…treason you know that right?" Threatening nobles, that is.
"What are you gonna do about it? I wouldn't give a damn if they were royalty."
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Just keep being reasonable. Not like I never took care of some pests before."
"..."
'Reasonable? Well, I saw how those elves looked at me, a reasonable person wouldn't make slaves be scared of them when their torturer stood right beside them.' Subaru thought.
Subaru walked away without saying a thing.
While alone, Russel cannot help but sigh.
"I can't spy you, you know every single time. Assassins can't do shit. Divine Protections don't work. Your strength cannot be valued by a general understanding of power. No matter how you look at it, you are worse than Reinhard. You can't be controlled."
However…
"It's not like I have to control you. Sometimes the hardest problems require simplest solutions. You just can't let your fire burn the not intended can you? You can't be broken to the point that you will be turned against the Kingdom, no one can break something that is already pulverized. In the end, even if it's just beating the monsters who stand in your way, you are a hero, Natsuki Subaru."
—That's why it's so sad.
"One day there will be no monsters left. The world will be content, ready to accept you, but it will be too late to help. The truth is…Nobody cares about you enough. And I have no idea why. Haha."
Russel thought that maybe, it would be better if Subaru was born in their era when there was war. Indeed, in chaos where competent people accepted regardless of their weirdness or characters…he would be a good friend too. Actually Russel did consider Subaru a friend…even if it was one sided, he thought of him as a partner in crime. And Subaru could see things from the perspective of a man who had to suspect everyone for the sake of this country.
And if he couldn't find anything worth in the previous era, at least he could die as he wished to.
"Nah. Now thinking about it…it's not like he can die there when he survives in difficulties he survived."
—No matter the era, there was no salvation for him after all.
"In the end…It's just like you said. You will find the last monster when you look in a mirror."
Author notes
Yep…before anything I'll talk about a few things.
Shorty is a canonical character that appears in Lugunican Papers side story. Which is about Shorty the journalist who is a kid(a short one…) going around and making interviews with Candidates. And since all of them are lolicons/shotacons good people, they accept it.
This is canon, Happens in one of the side stories which come together as Memory Snow in anime. Unlike the animation, this side stories kinda give away some big stuff. Like Puck revealing Emilia would also freeze her surroundings if he were to die and he says that beside her. As if revealing that the 'contract' where they blast surroundings when one of them dies is actually known to Emilia. This makes a lot of sense as Echidna's original goal is to save everyone, not let trashy spirits blast people randomly. Plus stuff about Subaru setting the whole memory snow not because his ass wants mayonnaise but for Rem to get better after all those incidents. Even Ram gets creeped out by how he 'acted'
Kabedon is a Japanese term about the trope where usually a male character slams their hand to the wall to not let the 'person' in front of him run away. Would work even with a female character. Also Subaru is wrong here about a woman having an evil eye fetish, she basically comes to love his eyes. But despite acknowledging his capabilities and a lot of other things, Subaru still has a low self-worth in many other areas. You probably won't see this woman again btw. She is just one of the many meetings Subaru had with random people. Only two of them will be shown and it is done with this chapter. We don't need OCs in this fic, not that they can't be done well though.
As for lines reacting to Subaru's insanity in ways…Minerva's(Wrath Bitch) are canon, she said them in tea party(LN) and Ram's are canon too…she said them because Subaru was seeing Garfiel as an obstacle…which he fucking is but Tappei sees that as an evil behavior. "No you stupid bitch they are your future friends, just die 5 more times and get him to team…what do you mean he killed shit ton of villagers in one loop? If he does it again just kill yourself!" I have no idea what that dude thought while making Subaru narratively evil in that arc but then was fine with Subaru not calling out about Rem to Satella(entire point of arc is that Subaru changing his ways because now he can't actually save people with RbD and they might get fucked by checkpoint)
Now let's talk a bit about Julius…Just going to say it. He is outright the most beneficial person to Subaru right now. He has no rival. And all he did was "What about you interact with people, my insane friend?" because Julius realized a key detail.
Subaru, somewhat, just met the absolute weirdos and had the worst luck. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So he decided to make Subaru meet more 'average people', yeah they were nobles and some other not so 'normal' people…because in few of the 'meetings' he realized that if they are too average they might get weirded out…but in Subaru's scale they are closer to average…that's what our knight thought.
Priscilla, someone who counts on the fact that Subaru's friends suck, openly talked about how she wants to kinda control that part of Subaru's life. Since she is super honest about it, Subaru couldn't get angry. This happened in CH 19.
We also had Subaru openly talk about himself as if he can take anyone. While that might sound edgy, it is simply the truth. I think you might feel weird anyway as I didn't even see in any story where anyone explored this.
As for the Satella part, it's out of nowhere? Exactly. Because I wanted to show that this is just Subaru's everyday life, he ignores things, forgets things, feels like he has a 'dejavu' and so on. This time he literally tapped on Return By Death to watch his own memories that he forgot. In the end, he has an immense lack of care. And please take Subaru's word for it, they won't be important to plot whatsoever. Just realize that whoever remained from past 400, their existence and stories kinda messed up because in the end Subaru didn't find it important after some point.
Just think of it as what can happen if Subaru decides nothing is important.
And yes, for some reason these candidates forget things…BUT HOW CAN THIS BE?! I WONDER WHICH CHARACTER DOES THAT?! (I can't endure one more person not realizing so I'll just whisper….PANDORA)
Well jokes aside, Pandora is the big cliff where everyone just throws their story into a giant pit of bullshit. It won't be anything like that in this one, no wank, no underestimation, she is just another character that adds to Subaru's story right here.
What? You waited a longer chapter after I fucked off for so long?
Yeah, this chapter was longer…but…then a dude told me that it was too long and I should cut it. (By cut I mean the other part became a chapter itself)
So if you are fine with not so long chapters…thank mightiesthacker in my discord. discord dot gg / YxtzwbzVQh
If not…bash that fucker…in my discord or reviews…
See ya!