~oo00oo~

Chapter 2

Never

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―==(oIo)==―
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It is an odd sensation to be born again. I had died, I knew that for certain. It wasn't pleasant or fast, but it was definitely certain. After that there had been a bright white place and then a gray hazy place that had been the consistency of candy floss. I just sort of floated there for an indeterminate amount of time.

What was time without existence?

I had not thought of being born again. I didn't think that was a possibility. I had spent my gray period mourning my life and loved ones. Now I was in a new body with a new life to look forward to enjoying.

I wondered if all babies kept their memories of their past lives for a time or if something had gone wrong.

Either way I was going to use it to my advantage as much as I possibly could. An infant might not be able to do much, but as long as they are learning they are creating neural pathways at a ridiculous rate. Why I could simply do some basic maths or recite French verb tenses to give my mind a head start!

There was an awful lot of pain though. After being squeezed through what I assumed was the birth canal I was feeling squished and sore all over. I tried not to think about the strangeness of being born and instead focused on opening my eyes and breathing deeply. But as I tried to breathe and concentrate I was distracted by something I hadn't noticed previously.

I hadn't realized that there was no sound before. I know children can't see very much at all as babes, but I should have been able to hear. There was nothing though. No distant humming of electronics. No voices of any kind. No woosh-woosh of my own heartbeat.

In a panicked moment I thought that perhaps I had been reincarnated as some sort of bug without the ability to hear. It would be a very short life if that was true. I calmed myself by realizing I had fingers.

It was strange to have new fingers. But having finally identified some part of my new body I found that I was able to open my eyes. Things were a little cloudy, just a little blur to everything. When I tried to smile at my success I found I couldn't move the muscles there. I couldn't move my neck at all. The little twitches of my fingers were the most I could manage.

There wasn't much I could see of the room. It was bland in the way that office buildings often are, with eggshell white walls and ceilings. Though I couldn't see it, I assumed the floor was the same monotonous color of boring. There were little decorations up along where crown molding might be, they hung in swooping green arcs with little pops of red where each arc met. It wasn't much to go on, but in such a situation I could hazard the guess that it might be December and these might be Christmas decorations.

There really wasn't anything to do for what felt like long hours. As the pain receded, I amused myself with plans for my future and getting a head start on those neural pathways by doing whatever maths came to mind. I wondered where my parents were. Perhaps I was ill and this was some sort of hospital. It would explain why I still couldn't hear anything. The lack of muscles from being a newborn didn't worry me, that was something that could be worked up to with exercise, but hearing was something else entirely.

The lighting seemed to dim on its own. Which reminded me that there was light in this windowless room. But when I looked up, there weren't any lights at all. Looking as far to the sides as I could, I saw no lighting fixtures there either. Closing my eyes and slowly opening them again I realized that the soft light was coming from the walls themselves. There were no fixtures at all. Well, then this was definitely at least 50 to 100 years into my own future. Sure such technology might make its way onto the market in 25 years, but for it to be so ubiquitous? That sort of thing needed more time. It was really the only thing available to clue me in to when I had come back.

I took a good look around the walls again, at least as much as I was able, and realized something else. Unless the door was situated in the wall that was behind my bed and outside of my peripheral range, then there was no door at all. Which I supposed made a certain kind of sense, in the future how likely are we to tolerate a break in the architecture for a door? No, there was a door here but we had advanced enough that my blurry vision couldn't make it out.

Finally, after an eternity of neverending boredom, a door appeared. In the door walked someone dressed in a manner that assured me that things were very different from when I had come from. The person was wrapped in so much cloth it was amazing they could move so easily. It reminded me of how women used to wear petticoats, bustles, and hoop skirts. Except that instead of there being any kind of form or fashion, the fabric all hung loosely from the whole of their body. The only part that was tight enough to imply some kind of form was towards the wrist and neck as even the arms had more fabric swathed over them and draping. There was a cinching sash at the waist that didn't even tighten enough to make out the waist itself, but was probably used to keep all the fabric together. It might be odd to focus first on the clothing a person is wearing before thinking of the person themself, but one must consider the truly massive amount of cloth as well as the startling color of the cloth. The color was somewhere between lime and neon green. And there was just so much of it.

As they got closer I could tell that they were still human in a way that I recognized. I hadn't even realized until that thought crossed my mind that I had worried I would end up on a planet other than Earth dealing with new experiences with an alien race. They had cropped curly brown hair and a pale face, that probably looked even paler due to the color of their outfit. Their lips were moving and white teeth showed, but I still couldn't hear anything. I couldn't hear them speak. I couldn't hear them move. I couldn't hear all the rustling of fabric that must surely be happening.

They took out a long, thin black instrument and waved it around my head as they spoke. Another advancement in technology from my time. Perhaps some sort of ultrasound or even a completely new type of scan? Though I couldn't tell what was happening, they obviously were analyzing some sort of data. They didn't look pleased, but they didn't look worried either. I truly didn't know what to make of it.

Eventually, they moved back and put away their scanner. They began speaking at me again as though I might understand them. Perhaps they were just speaking because they were used to patients who were older? Or perhaps that was the newest take on things? Always speak to your patients even when they are infants? But then their face lit up and they covered their mouth a bit as though they had just said something funny and laughed at their own joke. The scanner came back out and was pointed in my direction and…

"How are you feeling dear? I'm so sorry for not taking that off you right away. I didn't realize it had lasted so long. Do you have any pain anywhere?" asked a light, lilting voice from the person who had been treating me. "Oh, is that still on you too? Whatever were they thinking earlier?" they grumbled as their scanner moved back over me. As it did I felt tingles running down my whole body, my jaw slackened, my muscles relaxed, and I was no longer held in the same position by an invisible force.

"Is that better, luv?"

I could hardly have answered them, in fact it's a miracle I heard their question at all, because I was slowly coming to the realization that my senses had been as bound as my body. My body which was quite a lot bigger than a newborn's body. I took a deep breath in and tried to calm myself. I tried to swallow a few times, my throat sore and dry in a way I hadn't noticed before.

"Here, let me get you a drink," they said and moved towards a table to my left. After pouring me a drink from a carafe and helping me drink, I was now certain that I was not a child. My body was probably not even that of a teenager. I had only made it to 25 before I had died, perhaps I had somehow made my way into the body of a 25 year old some time into the future? But if this was someone else's body then there would be questions as to why I could not recall any of the things that they should know.

"How?" I asked carefully deciding it was the most sensible question. My voice came out more nasally than I was used to and had a lilt to it not dissimilar to my caretaker. I couldn't quite place it, almost as if my mind was full of clouds, only fluff found there.

"There was a fight between a bunch of rowdy rabblers. You got caught in a misfire. It took us quite a while to figure everything out. You should be fine now, a bit weak. Perhaps some confusion."

"Certainly... con-confused," I was able to choke out. I tried to sit up more and as my caretaker helped me up, I tried desperately to make sense of what was going on. I had thought I knew some of what had happened and had been thrown for an entirely new loop.

"That's alright, luv. I'm going to bring you some potions to get you up to better levels. Then you have a good sleep. If you're still confused after that, we will do something else."

They fluffed up my pillows and went back through the now visible door that had appeared to the left of my bed in the wall opposite. I could hardly contain my shock. I was an adult, I had been hurt in a brawl, and they were going to go get…potions? When would we ever call medicine potions? Did we regress? What is going on?!

I hadn't even gotten a hold of my train of thought by the time that they came back. In their hands was a tray filled with delicate vials filled with various colors and a smile on their face. The blur hadn't really gone away, but when they drew closer I could see them more clearly. When I mentioned that my vision was a bit hazy they brushed it off and pointed to their tray.

"This should take care of any issues the concussion may have caused in addition to the magical damage," they paused at my intake of breath. "Are you in pain? Does anything hurt?"

"No, I just-I just didn't understand that magic had-had," I couldn't get it out. Magic? Magic in the future? Potions? It doesn't make any sense.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Yes, it was an amazing stroke of luck. Your friend was able to get you to us fairly quickly, but we had trouble figuring out the curse. Turns out it was old family magic mixed with a curse from one of the others. But don't worry yourself about the men that did this, they are already on the way to the ministry. The aurors were there fast as you please to clean it up. The others weren't as bad off as you luv, of course, as they were wizards."

As they told me all of this, apparently not needing to breathe, they bid me to drink one disgusting vial after the other. The potions were different in more ways than just color. The smell of some were noxious, the textures of some were chunky, it was not a pleasant experience to have when learning one had been reborn into a world with magic. Or at least what people thought was magic. What was that quote? "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

With the last vial drunk, they smiled at me and tried to make me more comfortable in the bed. I tried to shake some sleep from my head and ask a question, there were so many questions, but I could do nothing more than close my eyes and sleep. I was deep under before they had even picked up the tray of empty vials.

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―==(oIo)==―
ˇ

She was beautiful.

There was never anyone as beautiful as she was. Her hair a riotous mass of black curls and her eyes an exquisite amber that bourbon wished it could achieve. And we were dancing, sweet laughter spilling from her enchanting mouth as we spun about a floor in a space too tight but perfect all the same.

A swirl of color and then there was a bubble and simmer going in many cauldrons as we kept pace with each other. Moving and timing each step as we worked one and then the next. These potions were needed, they were necessary, but at the same time this joyful dance just tied us to each other ever closer. Each passed ingredient, every widdershins stir, something more between us strengthened. Her hand brushes mine as she passes me the next one and her eyes look into mine. The world spun in shades of deep forest greens and vibrant purples.

We were sitting in a cozy living room, a cat on each of our laps and a basket of kittens on the floor. I glance at her and feel a love for her in a way that I have never felt for anyone before. So truly and deeply in love with her, she was my soulmate. She looks up to find me staring and we both share a silly smile and turn the page of our books. The room swung round in perfect peaches and sunset yellows.

It was Christmas and there was a big party, so many merry friends had made their way here for a joyful occasion. There she was, so beautiful in her robes. We spoke words and words were spoken about us, but the most brilliant part was her and how she and I would be together forever. Always. Bound by this cord, bound by this love, bound by this magic. Just as it was always meant to be, forever. But the beauty of it was twisted away in fierce oranges and the glowing of cinders.

There was pain. There was so much pain. A burning, trembling pain that broke and clawed and raged it's way out of me. She was gone. There was nothing that they could do. No magic could save her. No potions could bring her back to me. I could still feel the grimy soot on my hands, the sting on my torn knees, the burn of the fire on my back. She had been taken. She had fallen. She left. What was I now? How could I continue to exist when she was not here with me?

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―==(oIo)==―
ˇ

I jolted awake into the bright room of Saint Mungo's Hospital and knew myself.

The swirling, ebullient memories of myself came from two different people. One a plain, nonmagical 25 year old woman who had died tragically. The other a plain, squib 45 year old woman who had taken several curses about the head. I had the full memories and knowledge of both people. Maybe even the personalities of both people. It was like one of those Star Trek episodes where two people go through a transporter and get turned into a single, but totally new individual. Didn't that happen in an episode? I couldn't recall, no one's memory is picture perfect.

I remembered so much though, the human brain really shouldn't hold memories like this and it felt as though my head was splitting apart. My most emotional memories from both lives were pushed to the forefront as I tried desperately to calm myself. I could do this, I was a spy and a damn fine operator. In my other life I wasn't much of a hardline, but in this life? The person who's body I now inhabited? This woman had been through wars and come out tough as nails and good at hiding it. A memory popped up of stories read by the younger woman, stories of Virginia Hall and Cuthbert. Letting your opponent underestimate you was a good strategy for a spy. And now, I remembered, I was a guard to the most important child in all of magical Britain.

Why just the day before…
Well that can't be right.
No, I wouldn't do that.

But I did do that. I did exactly that and the havoc it would wreak was written in storylines that the younger woman had read. The older woman had written Albus every time that she was able to be a sitter for the child, because every time he came to her more hungry and bruised. Not even five and he had burns on his hand from where hot grease had splattered from a pan. She'd written to Albus of the abuse, sent him pictures of the bruises, and he had come and watched the house from a distance. He hadn't even laid eyes on the child himself, just looked at the house for a long while, before brushing off the concern. They had argued and argued and argued, every time. But in the end, she did what she was told. She was the spy. She was the guard. He was the one in control.

The new her didn't like that.

The older woman had been resigned to being an awful sitter just so she could get the child away from the abusive guardians that Albus insisted he stay with.

The new her did not find that acceptable in the slightest.

My mind raced now on a different course. The young woman had ideas and knowledge that the older did not, but it was filtering its way through the older woman's knowledge of this world. Through this merging of understandings a new plan for the future would emerge and nothing was ever going to be the same again.

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―==(oIo)==―
ˇ