The birds, the loud tweeting, it sounded like they were all around her.

She hummed, not yet opening her eyes, nuzzling more into the pleasant warmth against her face; and grunted softly, so blissfully well-rested as she hadn't felt in ages. Then, her eyes snapped open, her heart skipping a beat when she realized the pleasant warmth was him, asleep, nude and wrapped around her.

Her eyes closing, the flashes of last night flooded her, filling her with the ticklish flutter inside, making it impossible to do what she had to, to get up and leave, not drag it out any longer. Pull herself together and snap out of it. But gods, when he locked his arm around her, cradled her head and pushed her face back against his neck, she lost the battle in a heartbeat.

It was only Eve waking up that saved her.

Throwing on the robe, she walked over to the crib, took the fussing baby in her arms, and for a moment, kissing the top of the little head, she drifted away, her gaze transfixed on the large window, as if a gate to another world; the lush greenery outside, basked in sunlight; birds chirping, the droplets of last night's tempest shimmering over the grass; so peaceful; and confusing, to now feel him there, behind her; like two worlds clashing, herself in between, stuck. And unable to budge an inch.

"Where are we?" She closed her eyes, feeling his touch on her arms, his breath on the back of her head, steady and warm.

"You like it?"

She shouldn't like it, shouldn't love it; it was just a place she spent the night at, a shelter from the storm. Temporary and fleeting, like every place she slept at. And so confusing, with how much it pained her to know she had to leave.

"What're you thinking?" he asked, stroking up and down her arms.

"It's beautiful." She blinked to disperse the tears welling up; but when she felt his mouth press to the back of her head, a pair of heavy drops rolled down her face with her eyes wide open, without a blink, an abrupt sigh leaving her lungs. "I need to feed her."

She sat down on the bed, her back against the headrest, and pushed the robe down her shoulder, adjusting Eve in her arms.

It was after a while she realized he was there beside her, propped on his elbow, watching her silently, a strange look in his eyes; a look she had to escape if she was to pull herself together. She blinked, looking away, focusing on the baby suckling noisily on her breast; and got caught up in that for a while; almost managing not to feel the intensity of his gaze on her, not to think she was in his bed, not to yield to the way it felt; the silence which should've been tense and awkward, which was neither.

She was taking Eve off her breast when he suddenly broke the silence; with a whisper barely audible, but packing a punch that made her heart stop. "I wish she was ours…"

Almost panting for air, she struggled not to look at him, wetness pooling under her lids, the tears she tried to keep from falling. "Don't…"

"Why not? I'm too much of a monster to be a father, is that it?" He let out a soft, bitter sigh. "I know it's what you think," he added quietly.

He wasn't wrong, it was exactly what she thought, what she used to think — and so, it was absurd, the sinking feeling in her chest, absurd, to pick up on some quiet sadness in his voice, to feel it hurt like that.

Sniffling, she wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"For what it's worth, I never meant to hurt you," he said, his voice serious, solemn almost, then softening a notch. "I just… I didn't take it well when you left."

"Don't do this," she whispered, her breath getting shallow; it was just a game, it wasn't real; he just somehow knew where to push to make it hurt.

She walked over to the window. The sun was gone, trapped behind a giant cloud, an unpleasantly cold breeze washing over her face.

And he was right behind her, stubborn and about to drag the torture on; and she didn't even lift a finger to escape it.

"Even when I try to be honest, you keep shutting me out."

She sniffled, inhaling through open mouth. "This can't work, Ares."

"Why not? 'Cause Gabrielle won't approve?" he sneered.

"Because you're a god. You don't belong on earth. And you're everything I stand against."

"And that's it? That's your big reason why?"

She sighed, closing her eyes with an exasperated frown. "See, you don't even get it."

"No, Xena, I don't get it, I don't — why you need those excuses so badly…" She felt his breath close to her ear, sending a shiver over her, "why you deny yourself what we both know you want as much as I do — something that feels so damn right it blows your mind, I know it — so damn strong it brings you to your knees…" he went on, twisting the blade more, causing her eyelids to fall shut in surrender as he pulled her flush against his chest, his palm on her abdomen. "It's terrifying almost, isn't it…"

She had no damn idea how she managed to find her voice, to force the words out. "I need to go back."

Then, out of the blue, his voice changed completely. "Go back where? To give yourself to my family on a platter? You need me, whether you like it or not. Lucky for you, I'm not gonna charge you much."

Her breath hitched, cheeks burning hot as she shook his arms off her. "What did you say?"

"I'm not a damn charity, Xena. You want my help, you're gonna earn it. You give me a child of my own, and we'll call it even."

She jolted awake, gasping for breath, a tight knot in her stomach. Blinking to catch focus, she jumped out of bed and rushed to the crib; and, running her palm up her damp forehead, let out a breath of relief, and then another one, when she realized he was gone, that she couldn't sense his presence at all.

Heart drumming in her chest, she glanced around in search of her clothes and weapons. Gods, no; she didn't feel like facing him now.

Of course, it was exactly when he materialized in front of her; fully clad in his leathers, sword at his hip.

She tensed head to toes.

"You slept well?" he asked, approaching her slowly.

"Not really. I need my clothes."

Sighing, he waved a hand and all her stuff appeared on the bed. "Happy now?"

Ignoring him, she took the robe off and started putting her shift and underwear on.

"What's wrong?"

"Take me back." Shame overcame her as she realized she let herself get carried away like that, while Joxer and Gabrielle — Joxer — gods, she hoped they made it to find the antidote, that they were already waiting for her under the oak, both of them.

He took a big breath in, and exhaled slowly. "So, that's it?"

"That's what?" she asked coldly, hooking on her breastplate.

"You're just gonna go."

"I have a life to go back to."

He nodded slowly, breaking his gaze. "I see." He huffed, pursing his lips, his brows arching. "Whenever you're ready," he said, his voice dark and bitter, sending an unpleasant sensation over her chest.

She reached into the crib and brought Eve to her chest, locking her fingers around the little head, her gaze going towards the windows, the chirpy summer morning outside, now turned almost all gray; it wasn't a dream now, was it? It hurt the same. Or more. Because this time, he wasn't holding her, his presence behind her cold, indifferent.

But it was for the best. She couldn't afford to indulge in reckless fantasies, not when it wasn't just her life it would affect; she had her daughter and Gabrielle to think of in the first place.

It was what it had to be. She would get over it.

She just had to hold on, not look at him; just another several moments.

Feeling the wetness under her fingertips that stroked her daughter's head, she looked down and brushed it away; the tears she never felt falling.