WELCOME ALL TO EPISODE 4 OF THE KICK-ASS FICTION, THE BATTLE CATS: X. HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS NEW EDITION!
It was morning time, the Cats and Bob have already made it to Thailand, in hopes of getting the three variants of The Collar of the Gilded. At the moment, Bob and Axe Cat are axe-dueling, while Cat is basking in the winter sun, and Tank Cat is reading a book while walking.
Axe Cat: Do you seriously think you can beat me and my lucky Matilda, huh? You must be having a laugh.
Bob: I'm not kidding when I say it, slashes Axe Cat's axe off of his paws you're actually really good at axe combat. But not as good as me, you dimwit.
Axe Cat: What? HOW!? Axe Cat adjusts his eye plating and glares at Bob, but he accepts defeat Alright Bob, you win.
Cat: Hey guys, what's up? he rushes over to Bob and Axe Cat
Bob: I just beat the combat "maniac" in one on one combat, heh.
Axe Cat: Hey Cat do you mind? I'm trying to beat Bob in a ba- AGHH!
Axe Cat suddenly gets interrupted by Tank Cat read-walking and tripping him over.
Tank Cat: walking, lost in his book And so, the ogre said "Don't trip over people next time, and maybe I'll spare you!".
Axe Cat: rolls his eyes and scoffs The irony in that quote Tank just read is insane.
Bob: Hey Axe Cat? I was wondering what your left eye looks like without the plating? Do you look exactly like Cat over there? he nudges Cat
Cat: He hasn't even shown us! So why would he even show y- gets interrupted by Axe Cat
Axe Cat: Of course Bob! Anything for you dude. he grins as he removes his plating, revealing his eye I...lost it in combat! By a powerful being...
Axe Cat's left eye is actually different to the eyes of the other Cats. That being he doesn't have one! So instead of a black circle, it is the outline of a circle with a scar going through it. Technically an empty eye socket.
Cat: You don't think, we'll be facing Those Guys in the battlefield!?
Bob: Who the hell are "Those Guys"? They sound pretty tough to be honest... he flicks his toothpick in his mouth
Tank Cat: Those Guys are well, Those Guys! They are called that by the other enemies, and they're called that by us. No one knows their real names, and to be frank, I prefer it that way! he continues walking until he hits a tree Ouch...
Bob: he grins as he hears this No, I take it back, they sound like literal wusses. he cracks his knuckles Hey Cat? You ready to get some Collar for the Gilded? he chuckles as he makes his way to the front door
Cat: Hah, it's Collar of the Gilded! You forgot, didn't you? he smirks as he teases Bob
Bob: It's literally one fucking word wrong, and it's no longer than 4 letters. he jokingly glares at Cat Anyways I'm off, see you there, homens! (men!) he rushes out into the battlefield
Tank Cat: Let's hurry before he gets lost! I don't want to lose him or anything...
Axe Cat: Hey Cat, clean out the sink, will you? Thanks! he follows Tank Cat outside
Cat: Ugh, why do I have to do the cleaning? he angrily cleans up the dishes, luckily, not angry enough to break them, that would be terrible
Bob, Tank Cat, and Axe Cat are all outside, looking at the enemy base of Thailand. It is a stereotypical Thai base based off of the Wat Phra Kaew. Which is the most sacred Buddhist temple in the country. It is golden yellow in color and has a sharp spike as a roof. Cat pessimistically comes out and glares at Axe Cat.
Cat: Okay...sigh I finally made it guys. So, what's up?
Bob: I'm waiting on Those Guys to come out. I'll pulverize them! Heh, I'm counting down each second as we speak.
Tank Cat: We don't even know if they'll even come out, so it's best not to just assume who our enemies will be tonight.
Doge, Snache, and three unrecognizable stickmen come out of the Thai base and approach Bob and the Cats. They seem eager enough tobattle for some apparent reason.
Doge: Why, hello there kitty Cats and Mock-Cat. How are you four on this fine winter day? Ready to be ganged on? he smirks slyly
Snache: Hey Bob, thanks for sparing Doge, he was able to completely fix my face! Now I'm beautiful again, heh. he gets slapped by Doge Ow!
Bob: Hey, don't mention it! But who the fuck are you hiding? Show me, otherwise I'll just destroy your face again, vain-ass bitch. he approaches them
Snache: shrieks OKAY, OKAY! Just don't ruin my face at least, I went to a really expensive guy! The only one who wasn't a plastic surgeon...he mumbles in grief
Snache slithers to the side, dragging Doge with him. Revealing, you guessed it! The three stickmen, also known as Those Guys! Their appearance is quite understandable for the term stickmen, but in a 3-D sense. They have white, cylindrical torsos, with cylindrical arms and legs, and a perfectly spherical white head. They are actually smaller in size, the tips of their heads are up to Doge's eyes. But don't underestimate their potential strength!
Those Guys simultaneously: Hey, who said you could show us off?!
That Guy A: That was so shit of you to do that.
That Guy B: Not fair! he whines
Snache: Too bad so sad. Now do your utmost powerful attacks against these feline spastics! he hisses at them as they just stand there
Bob: Hey, I was right all along. They're nothing but wusses, they can't do anything. They're shitty enemies, and even shittier allies to Doge and Snache. Meu Deus...(Oh my God...)
That Guy C: Hey, who is that funny looking human giving us insults? he points at Bob, and stares at Doge
Doge: Oh, that's just the new g- gets interrupted by Bob
Bob: Allow me, Shiba. Alright listen here, my name is Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, but everyone calls me Bob, especially wusses like yourselves. And I'm not some "funny man". No, I am the real deal. I may just be a 16 year old, but let me tell you this...At that same age I was considered too dangerous for my mother to even handle, and she attempted to send me to a North Korean discipline camp. But I ended up in South Korea where I eventually met these Cats. So now tell me, who are you three?
That Guy B: Well, I'm an epic fighter, I can knockout people in seconds!
That Guy C: And I'm a cool fighter, I can knockout people in milliseconds!
That Guy A: Don't forget the badass fighter, I can knockout people in minutes!
Tank Cat: That's way longer than a second or a millisecond. he stares at That Guy A in disbelief
Those Guys simultaneously: NOBODY ASKED YOU! STAY QUIET AND LET US TALK! they resume their epic introduction AND TOGETHER WE'RE THOSE GUYS! THE WORLD'S MOST NOTORIOUS AND RICH TRIO!
Bob is chuckling away at their obviously stupidity and lack of common sense on the field. However, the three Cats seem to be nervous around them. And Cat steps up and explains everything to Bob.
Cat: Hey Bob, it may not seem like it, but one of them can actually be far stronger than Doge and Snache combined! he looks at him with nervous eyes The reason being...is that they fight dirty. Any common sense when it comes to fighting, scrap it when fighting them, it's not worth it Bob! And they all do have rich parents, they're not lying. Hah.
Bob: Strong or weak, rich or not. They'll go down like butter! he cracks his neck Bring it!
That Guy A: Boys, do your thing, take down the muscular teen! He's our target.
Those Guys B and C simultaneously: On it. CHARGE!
The Battle officially begins, Bob charges at Those Guys. However, they split up. They go off in different directions and lunge into him at different angles, two slap his legs to the ground, and one kicks him in the crotch. Doge and Snache cackle away while Cat, Tank Cat and Axe Cat look worried for him.
Bob: AAAGHH! You runts! Morram em um buraco! (Die in a hole!) he clutches his bruised crotch whilst being pinned down by the three stickmen
Axe Cat: Allow me, Bob, I know these guys like the back of my hand. Hah. he carefully approaches Those Guys
Axe Cat rushes in and attacks one of them with his axe, causing him to bleed out and fall to the floor. He screams out in pain as his two peers watch in horror.
That Guy C: GAH! My head! How could you? Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW! he is on the urge of tears as he bleeds out
Axe Cat: helps Bob up and turns to face That Guy C Quit over-reacting. I only sliced your skin, I didn't even scrape the skull of your head! he turns to Bob Okay, now do you see what to do Bob? In order to beat these losers, you have to beat them in their own game!
Bob: Oh I get it! Heh, why the fuck didn't you tell me this shit earlier dude? Anyways thanks for that. he kicks the knocked down stickman in the head
Cat and Tank Cat are quick to follow suit with this strategy. Cat kicks Doge from behind and beats his face up as he lands. Tank Cat slams down onto Snache, he yelps as he tries to wriggle his way out, but Tank Cat responds with a wriggle to further deepen himself. Bob goes to one of Those Guys and kicks him in the crotch, and elbows his back hard into the ground. And Axe Cat goes for the remaining stickman and bites at hit feet, followed by an axe swing to them, breaking his legs and making him temporarily unable to walk.
Doge: Cat...whimpers Please just stop with this, I didn't ask Those Guys to play dirty! I swear.
Cat: Tell that to my knuckle sandwich, pussy! he continues to punch his face over and over again Hey, this is actually fun!
Tank Cat: I know right? I am doing the least amount of effort, yet I'm doing the most damage!
Snache: Get off me! You're smudging my water color paint. You fat-ass cat. he continues to wriggle, however it only bruises him further
Tank Cat: Nope, and as punishment for calling me fat, I have the right to call you ugly. You ugly snake, get lost and just piss off in some random forest. he grins brightly, to Snache's annoyance from the lame insult
Bob: How do you like my elbow on your back? Huh? Is it comfy? HUH? Is it rightfully deserved? HUH!?
That Guy B: Wah! I'm sorry, please forgive me and my friends. We'll make up for it, I swear!
Bob: Yeah right. he sticks his toothpick right into the back of his head, causing bleeding
Axe Cat: Okay that pretty much sums it up. Now scram before we kill one of you!
That Guy A: YOU RUINED MY LEGS! How can I!? he grunts at Axe Cat, as he stares at That Guy C, who is still crying "Ow, ow, ow"
Axe Cat: he approaches That Guy C Hey you! Carry your friend and scram.
That Guy C: Okay...sniff...please don't hurt me. he picks up That Guy A and walks
Axe Cat: NOW BOB! slyly Do it.
Bob rushes and slams into them, they both scream as they got frightened. That Guy B however seems relieved that he's no longer on Bob's radar and runs away like a coward. Cat and Tank Cat eventually get off Doge and Snache and the latter two run off with the stickmen. Bob grins as he picks up his toothpick and makes his way to the enemy base. He grabs all three variants of the Collar of The Gilded.
Bob: Okay, that's another treasure down. Damn, can't believe we actually accomplished that. Hah, good job everyone.
Cat: Was my attack impressive? I sure showed Doge what's up!
Axe Cat: No...all you did was go behind punch him, that was basic fighting. But it did the job well for an attack. But nothing special...
Cat looks sad as he sighs and turns away. Suddenly Tank Cat speaks up.
Tank Cat: The part where you sneaked behind him was so cool! How did you even manage that? Way better than me landing on Snache.
Bob: That attack on Doge sure was crazy. You showed him no mercy. If that's not dirty fighting then I don't know what the fuck is! he grins as he places his hand on Cat
Cat: Heh...you two really think so? Thanks guys. I appreciate it. he smiles brightly
Out of nowhere, someone even yelled out compliments on the attack too! It was Doge, the person who literally received the attack!
Doge: from afar That actually was a good move on me. Never saw it coming, you impressed me Cat, I commend you as an enemy. indirectly, to another enemy Okay I'm coming! Jesus...
Axe Cat: mumbles before speaking up OKAY! I guess it was pretty good. I liked it, it was good, it was a dirty attack. he grins But not as good as mine or Bob's. Isn't that right Bob? he offers a fist bump
Bob: I'm trying to comfort Cat here, but I just can't say no to our attacks being badass. he fist-bumps Axe Cat
Cat: That's good enough for me, Axe Cat! he hugs Axe Cat but gets shortly after, gets pushed away
Axe Cat: Hey don't scratch Matilda! She's sensitive...he turns away and rubs his axe
Bob: He literally gendered his axe? God damn it! he rubs his head in annoyance
Tank Cat: Let's head back, it's getting late. I'll handle cooking and make a tasty treat for everyone! How about that?
Everyone else starts shouting things in favor of the meal. Now at the Cat Base, everyone is eating a Cat Food Meatloaf, which is ordinary Meatloaf but with Cat Food rather than meat. Cat and Axe Cat are wolfing it down. However, Bob doesn't really like it but forces it in.
Bob: lying Damn...this is some good shit you cooked Tank Cat. I'm impressed. Are you the cook around here?
Tank Cat: Nope, I never cooked once in my life. Someone else here usually handles the cooking. But just as long as the food has Cat Food in it, everyone will be asking for more!
Cat and Axe Cat simultaneously: MORE PLEASE!
Bob: slightly fearful None for me, I'm full. That shit filled me to the brim! Say Cat, where are we heading next?
Cat: One second! reads through his log book It's Cambodia, and the treasure is...awkwardly Smiles of Children. Damn...
Tank Cat: I believe the Smiles of Children are the most precious things ever! I wonder what they'll look like in treasure form...
Axe Cat: We'll soon find out I guess. Big day tomorrow, everyone be ready for what's to come.
Bob: Yeah, everyone, let's head to sleep. yawns I'm fucking wrecked.
And so, all of the Cats and Bob make their way to bed, concluding another journey through grabbing treasure around the world
TO BE CONTINUED
Alright, that's another edition of my TBC fiction completed. Here Those Guys made their debut and I added the theme of fighting dirty. Which is also a smart move to make in combat for a win, however, respect wise, you won't be seen in a positive light and more of a coward.
Stay tuned for another adventure soon!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation
The character Bob is owned by me, however feel free to use him, just as long as you credit the owner
This piece of written fiction is 100% unofficial and can be considered as fan-made