Beth forced herself to breathe out slowly for ten seconds as she tried to calm herself down. She didn't want to waste the flashlight battery so she sat in the shadows as night slowly fell and darkened the room. Judith was asleep on her lap and she was afraid that too much movement would wake her, although a full-on panic attack would certainly do just that.
She only half-volunteered to be shut away in this admin building with the baby but they all had jobs to do and really, who else was going to do it?
It was one thing to be stuck here while the rest of her family was either sick or trying to help the ones who were, but not hearing from anyone in almost half a day had her on edge. The last conversation she'd had with someone other than herself was with Maggie hours before, the closed door between them, as she was told that Glenn had fallen ill and her daddy had gone into the tombs to help. She had no idea where Maggie was now, or anyone for that matter.
She knew there were others in this same building, or there had been at one point. She'd heard a few leave, muffling their coughs in their sleeves as they made the way to A block with the other infected. She didn't know if she and Judith were all that was left, it'd been so quiet for so long now.
With the silence and Judy sleeping, not needing to be entertained, Beth was left with only her own thoughts. Thoughts of being the only ones left, and of no one coming back for them. Or of simply being forgotten should the prison need to be left behind entirely. Of how'd she'd manage navigating this world with a baby in her arms and no one around to help them. She already felt inadequate, mothering this child she didn't birth, but they'd always had someone else to rely on for protection and food. She isn't sure how she'd manage by herself with a baby strapped to her back.
They likely wouldn't last a day.
Beth blinked the wetness from her eyes and tried to control her breathing again. There was a good chance that her pessimism was getting the better of her again, and everything would be fine. The run crew would come back from with medicine, Daddy would be able to help Glenn and the others, and someone would come and get them out in the morning. They were just too busy now distributing the meds and making sure things were safe again before coming to get them. Her breaths eventually evened out from their harsh sputtering.
She just had to keep her negative thoughts away until morning.
NowThey did not let her shoot, stab, strangle, or otherwise maim him.
She volunteered to take first watch hoping that she could handle her bottled up anger by taking out some walkers, but unfortunately the night was quiet. Beth pushed out a heated breath into the chilly night air in an attempt to rid herself of some of the fire, and paced along the path in front of the church.
Surprisingly, he gave her a few hours to herself before coming to tear open the wound even further. Beth had calmed enough to not immediately lash out, but Rick did have a talent for pushing people's buttons.
He approached slowly, giving her plenty of time to notice him. He still stood a distance away from her and did not adjust so that he was straight ahead of her, but accepted her sideways stance as an invitation that she wasn't fully closed off from having a conversation. When she didn't take the opportunity to speak first, he did. "You know, he took that woman Dawn out within seconds of you going down. I don't even think he thought about it, he just—reacted." There was no need to specify who the 'he' was in this situation. There was only one option. "It's been a long time since then and I can't tell you if he'd do anything different if it happened all over again. But you—you're long past a knee-jerk reaction, Beth. You have time to make a conscious decision about this—about him. Killing Edwards isn't going to fix anything."
Beth rolled her eyes and answered him with disdain. "Are you telling me that revenge is something you've never sought out, Rick?" She shook her head and faced him. "Every moment of my life has been affected by his actions. Every. Single. Moment." she emphasized. "I was there the night you killed Shane. When Michonne kept going back out to look for the Governor, and how Tyrese nearly went mad when Karen died? You're saying that none of you ever wanted Negan dead?" she questioned never once believing he'd deny it to her face. "After what he did to Glenn, and whoever else used to matter to you? How is this any different than any of that?"
"Because you're different—"
She didn't know how he couldn't see it. "I'm not!" she yelled at him. "You all used to think I was, that I was weak and needed to be sheltered from this," she said waving her arms out at the world around them. "Well, look where that got me." She saw him open his mouth to say something else stupid but she cut him off. "I'm not the little girl you'd all shove in a closet to protect from danger anymore."
He nodded. "I know."
"Then stop being surprised when I want to make a decision for myself." She waited for him to show some kind of acceptance, then continued once he did. "I'll wait," she acquiesced. "In case we need him for something. But he's not coming back with us and I'm not leaving him here to destroy someone else's life."
Rick's eyes searched her face before he apparently saw something he needed to see, and nodded again. "Alright." He said nothing else as he retreated back into the church to leave her to her watch.
Even with her elevated voice yelling at him, none of the dead came to interpret the quiet night. Someone must have come through the area and cleared them all out at some point. If the rumors of Pouvoir Du Vivant collecting walkers for their experiments were true, they'd apparently been through here already. She didn't know whether to be glad for that or not.
Time passed slowly through the still night as she tried to avoid thinking too deeply about the situation they were in. It wasn't too difficult as the fight left her, so did her remaining energy from the long days she'd been having. After a few hours Marc, the uninjured French man appeared to relieve her from watch. She didn't hesitate to let him take over, but instead of going inside she walked over to the truck they'd left The Nest in and opened the door to climb into the backseat, curling in on herself to catch some sleep.
The sun was rising when she woke, a tap on the glass above her head stirring her. She craned her neck around to see Daryl looking at her through the window as he jerked his head for her to join him outside.
Beth stretched out her sleeping limbs before exiting the vehicle to stand next to him. She swiped her hair out of her eyes, annoyed by having it down for longer than she normally did. She lifted her hands to start putting it up in a messier version on her signature bun, skipping pleasantries to ask, "What's up?"
He blinked at the sound of her voice and looked away from her hands moving in her hair to her face. "Rick wants us to split up."
She froze and dropped her hands, her hair going with them. "What?" His lower lip disappeared into his mouth as he nodded at her. "Why?"
"Pierre's gotta get back," he explained. "Needs more help than we can do out here. Rick's gonna take them and the doc back to The Nest."
He watched as she connected the dots, her brows furrowing before her eyes widened in realization. "So we're going? Just us?" She tried not to sound too worried about it. She wasn't, not about being alone with him. It's just that the last time they were alone walking through the countryside–well. You know. "Is that a good idea?"
His eyes narrowed at her as his body language changed from nervous to defensive. "Is it a bad one?"
Beth blinked at him, stunned by the whole turn of events. "No I just–" she mentally shook herself off from the memories of being taken from him. "When are they leaving?"
He looked her up and down and she hoped that the hesitation wasn't showing on her face. She didn't want him to take it the wrong way. "Few minutes. They're taking the big one," he said, pointing to the large military truck they'd taken yesterday. He jerked his chin behind her to the one she'd just climbed out of. "We're sticking with this one."
She nodded, mind whirling as Rick and the other men walked from the church, the former sheriff leading the disgraced doctor with his hands tied, and Marc helping Pierre limp along. He really didn't look good. Beth watched as Daryl met them at the back of the truck and helped lift the injured man into the back before Marc hopped in after him and helped him to adjust to a comfortable position on the hard metal. She took a few steps closer as Marc came back to the edge of the truck bed to help Edwards climb up before securing him to the frame with a length of rope.
Once he was tied down, Rick tossed up a piece of cloth Marc tied around his eyes as a makeshift blindfold, before he turned towards her. "Daryl fill you in?"
She nodded. "Sorta. You coming back out once they're all settled?"
The men shared a look and she flicked her eyes back and forth between them. She certainly didn't like the fact that they'd decided all of this without her input. "I wasn't going to, no." Her face hardened as she watched him try to find the right words. "I don't trust leaving him without one of us being there. The two of you can move faster without waiting for me to catch up."
She looked back and forth between the two of them again sensing that there was more that neither of them had mentioned yet. "Ok so…what are we doing? Going after Genet and Kublek, finding Carol?" she questioned.
Daryl shrugged. "Whatever comes first." She looked at him doubtfully. "If we find Carol we'll head back to The Nest and go from there. We find the other two first, we'll do recon and head back with a bigger group to take 'em out."
"And then we'll all get out of here and go home," Rick added.
She still didn't like the way they were both downplaying it, but it didn't really seem like there was much of a choice. "Ok," she reluctantly agreed. "Be careful going back," she said to Rick. "I'll be back in a sec," she said to the archer, pointing to the small copse of trees to let him know she needed a bathroom break before they headed out. As she walked towards the trees she heard the military truck start up and pull out.
Business completed, she headed back to the courtyard to see Daryl exiting the church with an overflowing sack of who knows what. It didn't seem like there was much left when she was inside the night before, but if there was anything they could use he would have grabbed it.
Neither of them said anything as he threw the bag in the backseat and slammed the door shut a little harder than he needed to. They stared at each other for a few moments before he broke the silence. "You good?" She'd barely lifted her chin to nod when he spoke and again and moved around to the other side of the car. "I'll drive."
Still just tired from the short amount of sleep and confused over the events of the morning (and his dismissive attitude towards her), Beth mentally shook herself off and exhaled before opening the passenger door to settle inside. She barely had the door shut before he was peeling out of the yard.
They drove in silence for some time. She didn't even want to buckle her seatbelt on the off chance it would rock the boat in some way. But after 45 minutes of going wherever he decided they were going, he made the first move. "You wanna talk about it now?"
Beth startled and looked over at him from the seat next to his. "What do you mean?"
He kept his eyes on the road but she could still see his eyes roll with an annoyed look on his face. "Whatever problem you have with being alone with me." If they hadn't been in such an enclosed space she would've missed his further grumbling. "I thought we were good."
"We are," she said, her eyes widening. "I don't–"
"Then why'd you get that look on your face when I said we were splitting up?" She'd known she hadn't been able to completely mask her face earlier, but she was stunned that he had taken it so personally, so harshly. "Well?"
He was impatient for her to answer, clearly, as his hand fidgeted on the steering wheel. Still, she weighed her words carefully before explaining it to him. "We…don't exactly have the best track record. Being on our own." She watched as his body tensed and his face fell, but she quickly continued. "It's not–I don't blame you for anything. It just brought up the memories of that night." That's all.
She watched as he absorbed her words and gradually relaxed before nodding slightly. "Alright."
The car fell silent again for a few minutes as Beth still felt a hint of tension between them. She couldn't let that stand. "You done being pissy with me now?"
"Pfft," he grunted without any heat behind it. "Ain't pissy."
She faced forward with a smirk on her face. "Could have fooled me. Ain't that your factory setting anyway?"
"Only when you're around," he quipped back at her, a small grin lifting his mouth to match hers.
Any unease she felt about this unexpected road trip with him disappeared with their matching smiles. Driving down backroads with him like this she could almost pretend they were home, and this was any normal day. All they needed was to have the radio blaring old country music and to roll the windows down for the breeze to sweep through their hair.
Unfortunately for the both of them, her daydream would prove to be the opposite of reality.