Going Down the Drain
Many thanks to RevenantReaper337 for their help and ideas for the story going forward.
As they began their journey from Veldin to Kerwan, Clank regarded the young mechanic that had rescued him.
"Hmm… Huh… Hmm…"
Ratchet noticed him looking. "What is it?"
"Apologies," the diminutive robot replied. "I have not been able to identify your species in my database." As he spoke, he continued to run comparisons to various species on Ratchet; all came up negative.
"Yeah, I get that a lot," Ratchet acknowledged, though Clank noted he seemed more reserved all of a sudden. "Many customers have wondered what I am, since they don't seem to know."
"Do you know?"
"Yeah. I'm a Lombax."
"A Lombax?" Clank repeated thoughtfully. The word seemed to stir something inside his sisterboard, but he did not know what it was, or why. Nevertheless, to be polite, he stated, "Fascinating."
"Glad you think so," Ratchet snorted. "No one else does."
"I am interested." Clank was concerned; the cheeriness Ratchet had exulted when they first met had vanished. The young feline's heart rate and blood pressure had increased significantly.
"Ratchet, why-?"
Suddenly, the console began to beep.
"That's strange," Ratchet commented. "I'm picking up a signal from Novalis."
Clank consulted the transmission. "It appears to be some sort of distress signal, but it is being jammed by a Blargian signal dampener."
Ratchet's interest was piqued. "Fancy making a little detour to help them out, pal? After all, one of the most important qualities of a Galactic Ranger is answering cries for help."
Clank wanted to point out that the other Rangers were in danger, but he found he could not argue with the Lombax's logic.
"Very well."
"YES!" Ratchet cheered, as he redirected the Skyhopper. "This is my chance!"
The Skyhopper shook violently.
'Warning! Warning! Primary engine damaged!'
Ratchet and Clank looked around.
"I think we have been hit!" Clank observed.
"Gee, thanks, Obvious Bot!"
"Not to worry; I am sure you built landing thrusters into your ship."
Ratchet bit his lip. "Err…"
"You did not build landing thrusters into your ship?"
"Heh, heh, didn't think they were necessary…"
"We are doomed."
Tobruk Crater was a popular tourist attraction on Novalis. Stories say the Crater was the result of a large asteroid impact a long time ago; long before civilization was established on the planet. Smaller craters were dotted around the area. People often came out there for a picnic, or to practise with weapons and make more craters in the landscape.
Ratchet and Clank's ship would make a particularly large crater when it came crashing down. Fortunately, the two survived the crash, thanks to their seat-belts. That said, both were severely shaken as they climbed out.
"Next time you build a ship, please buy some landing thrusters," Clank requested.
"Duly noted," Ratchet acknowledged. He observed the damage done to the ship.
"I've fixed worse, but we may need some help."
Ratchet looked around. They had landed on top of a small cliff plateau with a Gadgetron vendor nearby. In the distance, Ratchet could see a city; no doubt, Tobruk City that he'd heard about from customers. Several buildings were damaged and in flames, yet strangely, it appeared to be deserted.
"Reckon we should explore the city?" he suggested to Clank. But Clank seemed to be distracted. "What is it?"
Clank was looking at the opening to what looked like a cave right next to the crashed ship.
"The signal we detected appears to be coming from inside that cave," he stated, pointing. "Perhaps we should go that way."
Ratchet grinned. He had the chance to save someone.
"Alright, let's check it out!"
And he dashed towards it, Clank right behind him.
The entrance to the cave had what appeared to be a drain in the floor, through which water was flowing. The cave had a large stream of water flowing through a large passageway that rose before the two. When Ratchet put his foot forward into the water, the current quickly pushed it back out.
"Whoa, that's a powerful surge," he noted. "Guess that's why the waterworks here is so noteworthy."
Suddenly, there was a cracking noise, and a few stalactites fell from the ceiling.
"Look out!" Clank cried, and the two dived out of the way. The stalactites crashed into the flooded cave floor, sending rock and water everywhere. As soon as the dust settled, Ratchet and Clank looked up.
"That was too close," Clank noted.
"Yeah, but look at this." Ratchet pointed at where the stalactites had landed. They had now formed steps leading up the passageway. "Well, that's one way to proceed."
"Seems rather convenient, does it not?" Clank commented.
Ratchet didn't reply; he had already jumped onto the first stalactite, and was now jumping to the next. Clank quickly followed.
It was no trouble for Ratchet to traverse the fallen rock spikes, being a feline biped. Clank, on the other hand, had shorter legs and no real experience with jumping; a poor combination, as it turned out, when he missed a jump and almost fell into the water.
"I think you will have to carry me here," he recommended to Ratchet when the Lombax pulled him to safety.
Snickering, Ratchet secured the robot under his arm, and continued up the passageway towards some hydraulic pumps moving up and down. Ratchet used them to reach a doorway set high in the wall.
Through a small passageway, Ratchet sprinted into the next room, only to bushwhacked by a flock of bird-like robots with massive jaws, yellow optics and green wings.
"Peckbots!" Clank exclaimed.
"No problem!" Ratchet grinned, hefting his wrench, and taking a swipe at the Peckbots as they tried to take a chomp at him. They crumbled from the sheer kinetic force of his blows. Clank gaped at this.
"You really are quite handy with that wrench, in more ways than one," he commented.
"Well, when you have to deal with Horned Toads a lot, you learn a few things," Ratchet smirked. "These wrenches double as excellent melee weapons. You should see my Comet Strike."
Through another door, the duo came upon part of what was clearly a water processing plant. A canal ran right down the middle of the room. On the other side, two Blargs stood next to another pump.
"Hey, Joe, look!" one of them cried. "A furball!"
'Joe' raised a silver cylindrical weapon with a red canister attached to the bottom. Next moment, a burst of flame shot at the Lombax and Warbot defect, causing them to run for cover.
"That was a Pyrocitor," Ratchet gasped. "I gotta get me one of those!"
"How about getting us past those guards first?" Clank reminded him.
"Err, yes, yes, of course." Ratchet summoned a Bomb from his Glove, primed it, and tossed it into the room at the two Blarg. Next moment, BOOM! The stream of flames stopped.
Ratchet and Clank looked back into the room. Where the Blarg had been, there was now just several black scorch marks, a few remains, and the Pyrocitor.
"Alright!" Ratchet darted forward, leapt nimbly across the canal and picked up the Pyrocitor. "It's barbecue time!"
"Please be careful with that, Ratchet," Clank advised from the other side. "And a little help here…?"
Ratchet casually held out his wrench, allowing Clank to grab hold and make it across safely.
As the pump came down again, the two climbed onto it, allowing them to reach the next level. The next room they came to was a lot bigger, with two canals running through it. On the middle walkway, a Blarg soldier stood next to what looked like a large bolt crank.
"Hey, bozo!" Ratchet shouted, taking aim with the Pyrocitor. "Like it hot?" And he let loose a stream of fire. The Blarg shrieked and jumped into one of the canals to cool off. He was instantly swept away by the current.
"Too easy," Ratchet grinned. But Clank seemed a little apprehensive. However, he said nothing as Ratchet picked him up and leapt into the middle walkway. The two friends looked up to see a gangway running across the room from a doorway set near the ceiling.
"How do you suppose we get up there?" Clank wondered.
Ratchet's eyes fell on the bolt crank. "Hold this for me, will ya?" he requested, shoving the Pyrocitor into Clank's hands, and went over to the crank. The head of the wrench expanded to fit the bolt (they don't call it 'Omni-' for nothing), and Ratchet began to push. The bolt creaked into motion with a grinding of gears.
It didn't take long to see what the bolt operated. Two pumps on the walkway furthest from the door began to move - one up, the other down. Ratchet pushed the bolt round and round, until it was completely tightened. The two pumps continued to move up and down.
"That's our way forward," Ratchet observed, releasing the bolt. "Come on, Clank!"
A few jumps later, the Lombax and robot reached the gangway.
"I really could use an upgrade that will enable me to jump higher," Clank grumbled. "I appreciate your help, Ratchet, but I am not up for being carried under your arm continuously."
"Eh, I'll look into that later on," Ratchet shrugged, as he proceeded along the gangway. Clank followed, his feet clanking with each step. As they reached the doors at the end of the gangway, which opened into a corridor, they heard a voice.
"Consarn it! These darn Blarg have jammed the transmission! Who's going to save us now?!"
"I am guessing that is whoever sent the transmission," Clank assumed.
The Lombax and robot entered a large room with huge windows looking out across the Novalis landscape. In the middle of the room, a large transmitter stood, over which a large figure was bent. Gee, I'm using large a lot here!
"Hey, look, plumber crack," Ratchet whispered teasingly.
"What was that?" the figure asked, turning to face them. He was a large Rilgarian, with blue-grey skin, spikes on his shoulders and forehead and sported a large moustache and beard that circled his mouth.
"Erm, I said a plumber hacking," Ratchet salvaged quickly. He didn't fancy having to roast a civilian. He'd caused enough injuries on Veldin.
"Right. Well, I'm glad you're here. I've been… Hey…" He stroked his beard. "Have we met before? 'Cause I'm getting a real sense of deja vu here."
"I don't think so," Ratchet answered slowly.
"Eh, well. Guess the ol' think tank could use a little plumbin'." He tapped his head with his wrench as he spoke. "Anywho, why are you two here? Shouldn't you be on an escape transport or somethin'? Or are you not one of them rich people?"
"I wouldn't say I'm rich," Ratchet replied. "How come you're not on a transport?"
"Eh, socioeconomic disparity," the Plumber snorted.
"Err, what?" Ratchet wondered.
"He has not got enough bolts," Clank translated.
"Workin' class have to wait for Qwark and the Rangers to help them out of trouble," the Plumber lamented. "That's why I was tryin' to get a distress call to them since Drek's forces arrived."
"I do not believe Qwark and the Rangers would be able to help you," Clank replied. "They are threatened by an attack themselves. Although, perhaps there might be time for us to contact the Rangers and warn them of the attack."
Ratchet scoffed. "Like they'd listen to me, after…" His voice faded, the memory still bringing a lump to his throat.
Clank stared at him, head tilted in curiosity. "After what, Ratchet? I thought you said you were a friend of the Rangers."
Ratchet's heart skipped a beat, mentally cursing his near slipup, trying desperately to come up with an excuse. "Well, uh, yeah! Of course we are! We've… just had a little disagreement, is all."
Clank noted Ratchet's heart rate had accelerated. Was he being honest? Or was it the result of him dredging unpleasant memories of his disagreement? That would do it."
Ratchet turned back to the Plumber. "We need to get you outta here," he offered. "Blargian ships are everywhere."
"Well, that's mighty kinda ya," the Plumber beamed. Then, he turned to look out of the massive windows. "But it seems I'm not the only one who needs help. Our Mayor seems in desperate need of help too."
"We will see to that," Clank promised. "I do not suppose you can help at all? Our ship was damaged when we was shot down, because Ratchet here forgot to include landing thrusters!"
"Oh, shut up!" Ratchet snapped.
"Ah, having a little transportation trouble, eh?" the Plumber noted. He walked over to a nearby sewer pipe. "Why don't I meet you by your ship? We'll get you squared away and ready to fly!"
And without further ado, he jumped into the pipe with a "Geronimoooooooo!"
"Did that guy just slide down a sewer pipe?" Ratchet commented, with a slight shudder. "Well, I guess it's the fastest way down. How about you, Clank? Any concerns of short-circuiting?"
Clank hesitated before answering. "I do not think I have to worry about that, Ratchet," he replied slowly. "My casing is designed to be waterproof."
"Alright, then," Ratchet concluded. "Come on, pal, let's give it a shot."
"Right," Clank acknowledged.
It was essentially like being on a large slide at a water park, though in hindsight, Ratchet felt it would have been more comfortable in less clothing. Nevertheless, it was a fast and exhilarating ride.
"Wahhhhhhhhh-haaaaaaahaaaa!" he whooped.
"Wooooaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Clank wailed behind him, his tiny form almost going across the roof of the pipe a few times.
Before long, they emerged into the cave where they had entered the waterworks systems. Ratchet avoided the fallen stalactites easily, but Clank bumped into a couple of them, thankfully sustaining no damage as he joined Ratchet at the bottom. The Lombax was shaking himself dry.
"That was awesome!" he rhapsodised. "Wanna do it again?!"
"No!" Clank asserted firmly.
"Okay, let's see what we got here." The Plumber was standing beside their crashed ship.
"Hmm… well, if you leave it with me, I should have it fixed up in no time. You go help the Mayor!"
"Right," Clank acknowledged. "Come on, Ratchet!"
Ratchet was tempted to use the Gadgetron vendor, but since he already had a good weapon, he decided he'd pass for now.
The two used a small elevation platform to travel down towards the river that ran through the crater. Several peckbots were rampaging about, along with slightly larger robots with similar bird-like heads and large cannons on each right arm.
"Birdbots!" Clank warned.
"Whoa! That is a lot of bad guys!" Ratchet noted, prepping the Pyrocitor. "Stay behind me, Clank!"
"Watch out for the birdbots' fire!" Clank warned, as Ratchet let loose a stream of fire. Peckbots yelped as flames sent them flying, and they smashed on landing. The birdbots opened fire. Ratchet cartwheeled through the air to avoid their missiles. He could feel his heart racing and his fur prickle. This was incredible!
The birdbots ceased fire to reload. Seizing his chance, Ratchet summoned a Bomb, primed it and lobbed it through the air. With a loud BANG, the birdbots flew apart in a black cloud.
"Nice aim," Clank complimented.
As the two made their way towards the bridge, Ratchet spotted something.
"Hey! That's a Cora Veralux statue!" he observed, as they climbed the steps. "She's the youngest recruit ever selected for the Galactic Rangers!"
As he spoke, frying more peckbots as he went, Ratchet felt an unpleasant feeling flutter in his stomach. He looked back at Clank, running behind him. The little bot was counting on him to get him to Kerwan ASAP to warn the Rangers; and Ratchet had used that to ensure he got another chance to join the Rangers. Was that bad?
No, the Lombax reasoned, as he looked ahead again over the bridge. It was a harmless lie. What serious harm could possibly come of it? Surely Clank would understand.
Ratchet's thoughts were yanked back to the present as Blarg ships swooped overhead, blasting craters in the bridge, narrowly missing the two friends. A few bits of shrapnel gazed Ratchet's cheek, but it didn't faze him that much. He'd suffered worse.
Clank, meanwhile, was pondering Ratchet's awkward behaviour before the Plumber. The Lombax's response had seemed… hasty, with a couple of stammers. Was he lying? Had the first being that had been kind to him also lied to him? No, surely not. Surely, he had just been recalling an unpleasant meeting with the Rangers. They'd be able to make things up once they reached Kerwan. He'd see to that personally. After all, such a brave Lombax deserved a chance.
As they reached the other side of the bridge, more peckbots and birdbots appeared.
"Looks like some have forgotten the fate of their fellows," Ratchet grinned. He pulled the trigger on the Pyrocitor, but nothing happened. He tried used his Bomb Glove; nothing there, either.
"Oh dear! You are out of ammo!" Clank fretted.
"Guess I'll have to do this the old-fashioned way!" Ratchet declared, unhooking his wrench from his belt. He took a swipe at the nearest peckbots, cracking jaws and knocking bolts flying through the air. The birdbots took aim and fired at Ratchet, but he simply leapt over or around their shots. The nearest birdbot received a Meteor Strike to the head. The next one had its head twisted clean off. The last few were knocked off their feet by a Comet Strike, before each getting finished with a hard jab to the chassis.
Clank was astounded.
"You are a born Ranger, Ratchet," he complimented. "It is surprising Drek does not consider you a threat, or else, I would have known about you from the start."
"Yeah…" Ratchet muttered, looking away. "You would have."
As they left the bridge, they saw what looked like a crash site up ahead, with several bots swarming around a fallen ship.
"Oh dear, more of them!" Clank fretted.
"That must be Mayor Buckwash's ship," Ratchet realised.
The bots were firing on the ship. A frantic voice issued from inside.
"This is a transmission for the Galactic Rangers! Please, we need immediate assistance! This is Mayor Agnorr Buckwash of the Tobruk Crater of Novalis!"
"Mayor Buckwash will not last long without our help!" Clank observed. "But without ammo, our capacity to help will be limited."
But Ratchet had observed a few nearby crates with the Gadgetron symbol on them. "No worries buddy. Gadgetron always supply their customers." Hefting his wrench, Ratchet smashed open the crates, releasing several red fuel cans and bombs. These were quickly 'absorbed' into Ratchet's weapons.
"How-?"
"I'll explain later. Come on!"
Ratchet hurried towards the crash site, Clank rattling around behind him. As soon as he was close enough, Ratchet opened fire on the bots.
"Bravo team, alert! A Lombax is attacking our advance team!" one of the bots spoke into a comm. link. "And he's accompanied by the warbot defect that escaped from Drek's factory!"
"Copy, advance team! Bravo team, move in to execute and capture!"
The next few minutes were something for a blur for Ratchet. Birdbots fired, and peckbots snapped and snarled. Blarg soldiers swooped in to try and take him out. Laser shots and missiles flew through the air in all directions. Ratchet shot fire one way and chucked bombs another way. Bots flew apart or were overwhelmed by heat; Blarg collapsed from heat burns, blunt force traumas, or being pierced by shrapnel, or else outright reduced to ash.
One of the Blarg soldiers managed to grab Clank from behind. This startled the small robot, and instinctively, swung his fist up and hit the Blarg right in the nose. There was a loud crack, and the Blarg released him, clutching his face and howling his face in pain. Fortunately, for him, he was put out of his misery when a Bomb exploded in his face, taking him out.
"Hey, that was an impressive punch, Clank," Ratchet commented, as he took out the last robot.
"Thanks," Clank smiled. "I honestly did not realise that I had such power in my fists."
"Hello? Is it safe to come out?"
The ship's rear door opened, and Agnorr Buckwash, a Rilgarian like the Plumber, but smaller and in more formal clothes, emerged, a small info-bot right behind him. When he spotted Ratchet and Clank, he asked, "Hey, are you two mercenaries?"
"No, we are not," Clank replied. "Are you alright?"
"I-I'm fine now," Buckwash stuttered. "Goodness, I thought help would never come."
"Why was Drek trying to kill you?" Clank inquired.
"I tried to negotiate with Chairman Drek to convince him to leave our planet alone," Buckwash explained. "But… well, he proved difficult to reach a settlement with…"
Drek's flagship, two hours earlier…
"So you see, Your Worship," Drek concluded pleasantly, "it would be most beneficial if your citizens were not in the city when my workers begin removing it."
"Preposterous!" Buckwash spluttered indignantly. "I will not stand for this!"
"Unfortunately, for you, you have no choice in the matter," Drek chuckled.
"Let's just see what Captain Qwark and the Galactic Rangers have to say about that, my good man!" Buckwash declared.
This bold statement sent Drek into hysterics.
"I don't see what's so funny!" Buckwash huffed. "Qwark and the Rangers could dispatch you and be home in time for tea, you-you puny-!"
Drek held a hand to silence him. "You have now officially outlived your welcome, Your Worship," he announced. "AND MY PATIENCE!" he suddenly bellowed.
Victor Von Ion seized Buckwash and lifted him off his feet. But Buckwash would not be cowed so easily.
"This is your last chance! Stop this madness now!"
"Hmm, okay, wait," Drek decided suddenly. "You're right. I will withdraw my troops at once. After all, Drek Industries seeks to serves its customers."
"Really?" Buckwash asked hopefully.
"NO! Drek Industries is not working for you!" He turned to his Birdbots and Blarg soldiers. "He's all yours, gentlemen. Try not to leave any marks - of him left!"
"Man, this Drek sure means business," Ratchet noted. "We have to get to Kerwan as soon as possible!"
"Here!" Buckwash offered up the info-bot. "My info-bot should help you get the co-ordinates to Kerwan."
"Well, actually, we already have-" Clank began, but Ratchet cut across him.
"Hold on! Let's see what he's got!"
The info-bot activated its screen.
Captain Qwark was cornered by what looked like a giant muscular Blarg wearing a cranium cap. Qwark whipped out his blaster, took aim at the monster and pulled the trigger… only for nothing to happen. The monster made to take a bite of Qwark, when the footage suddenly froze.
"Has this ever happened to you?" Qwark's voice said over the footage.
The video suddenly cut to Qwark himself standing outside a building in the middle of a city.
"Hi, I'm Captain Qwark! And believe me, there's nothing worse than staring down a Blargian Snagglebeast, from the inside…" He shuddered. "…and knowing your equipment isn't functioning properly!"
A rotund alien sophont appeared on the screen, before being obscured by Qwark.
"That's why I and my fellow Galactic Rangers come to Al's Robo Shack for all our electronic needs! Al has been the exclusive repairman for our super-electronic gadgets, since I myself was knee-high to a sand mouse! If Al can't fix it, it's not broke! Right, Al?"
Al seemed lost for words. "Err…"
"You said it, pal!" Qwark prattled on. The footage cut to him back outside again. "So if you're fighting crime or just fighting grime - ha-ha - come to Al's Robo Shack, right here in Metropolis, for all your robotic repairs! Big Al's Robo Shack! It's Qwarktastic!"
"A sell-out as always," Ratchet sighed amusedly, as the Info bot shrank to fit inside Clank. "Alright, your Chairmanshipiness, we'll get to Kerwan before you can say 'Qwark's all sold out!'"
"Will you be alright?" Clank inquired.
"I'll call another ship to come and get me," Buckwash assured them. "Good luck, gentlemen. And thanks again!"
A small bridge extended across the river, allowing the Lombax and robot to head back to the elevation platform they used earlier. Climbing back onto it, they returned to their ship, which was almost fixed by the Plumber. Ratchet decided to lend a hand with the finishing touches.
Now, it's here that in a future retelling of this story, Captain Qwark claims they had to tackle a - ahem - 'brain-eating zombie T-Rex'.
Yeah, I know. Totally absurd. Qwark fudging the facts, as usual! Sometimes, I wonder how Ratchet puts up with him.
Anyway, in moments, the ship was fully repaired.
"That should about do it," proclaimed the Plumber. "Now, be sure to get to the Rangers as soon as you can. I trust you have vital information about Drek's actions."
"Yes, we do," Clank confirmed. "And we will. Thank you for your help."
"No problem. See you on your next adventure!" the Plumber called as he hurried off.
Ratchet and Clank looked at each other. What had he meant by that? Oh well, there was no time to consider that. They had to get to Kerwan ASAP! They climbed into the cockpit, Ratchet fired up the engines, and they were away once more.
Clank was hoping they would not be too late to inform the Rangers of the attack. Ratchet, meanwhile, was looking forward to proving his worth. But both had more on their minds than these. Clank still couldn't help remembering Ratchet's awkward behaviour; and Ratchet knew that once they reached Kerwan, Clank would know the truth. But he was too excited to really care about that. And besides, surely Clank would realise there were more important matters at hand.