Ch 22: Punishment

Rated T for language

Characters: Edward, Izumi

Timeline: BH

Notes: honestly none of the prompts for this day really stuck out to me, except the alternate which was "nerve damage"...but I already have an entire EdWin oneshot based on that which has been waiting to be published for a long time, and I like it too much to let it get buried in a compilation fic. So, here's something passable lol. Ed and Izumi having a conversation about human transmutation feat. guilty!Ed and motherly-but-tough-love!Izumi. But it's BH timeline only cause of Ed leaving for recertification in the manga. Its also not very good but idk

Izumi walked into the living room with a plate of crackers and a glass of orange juice, unsurprised to see Edward still sitting cross-legged on the couch, completely absorbed in an alchemy textbook. His expression was intensely focused, a pen between his teeth and an open notepad waiting on left thigh. He didn't even hear her enter the room, nor notice her set the plate and glass on the coffee table in front of him. It made her smile a little, being reminded of when the Elrics first trained with her; she couldn't even remember how many times she had gone to check on them and find them so absorbed in their reading it was like the rest of the world had ceased to exist.

"Edward," Izumi said loudly, physically startling him from his reading. He looked at her, clearly surprised with her "sudden" appearance. "Take a break and have something to eat." She gestured to the snack on the table.

Edward's gaze shifted to the table, surprised again to see something had appeared there. "Just a minute, lemme finish this first," he said around the pen, and refocused on his book.

Izumi reached down and took the book from his hands. "You know as well as I, it won't be just a 'minute'. Now eat."

"I'm not your student anymore, you can't tell me when I can and can't study!"

All Izumi had to do was crack her knuckles menacingly before Edward retracted that statement with a slew of apologies.

Edward set his pen and notepad aside, pulling the plate onto his lap instead. He stacked a cracker with cheese and some freshly sliced smoked sausage from the meat shop. After the first one, he realized how hungry he was, and began practically tossing the rest down his throat. Meanwhile, Izumi sat in the armchair nearby and looked at the book Edward had been reading.

"Have you heard anything from your acquaintance yet about Al's memory?" Edward asked a couple minutes later, stacking his last cracker.

Izumi shut the book, shaking her head. "I was pretty vague in my letter…he's probably trying to come up with as many answers as possible."

"Mm." Edward swallowed the last of his snack, looking a little disappointed.

"Have you come up with any ideas?" Izumi asked. "You can't tell me you've never thought about the subject before."

Edward propped his elbow on the sofa's armrest, resting his cheek on his fist. He frowned, automail fingers playing with the hem of his black jacket. "I guess I've always had theories about how Al stores and recalls memories and information. But I have no idea how to go about retrieving lost memories or information. And even then, we don't know if whatever he saw will actually be helpful…" Exasperatedly, Edward rubbed the eye nearest to his fist. "I just hope he's having better luck at the library than we are here…" After another minute of deep thought, Edward shifted and picked up his notepad, flipping it open and reading what he'd written. "I also don't understand why Al lost his memory. I mean, I guess it could be shock… I was barely able to stand what I saw, and I only got a leg's worth of information. Al got a whole body's worth. But if it wasn't shock…maybe it was another toll or something…" He pressed his hands to his eyes, growling. "Except that doesn't make sense either, since the Truth was what you and I got in exchange for our body parts. Ugh, this is so frustrating…"

Izumi regarded the teenager across from her. She understood his frustration, because she'd felt it herself on plenty of occasions. Thinking about her own encounter with the Truth was filled with warring emotions, from guilt, to anger, to sorrow… She'd wanted something she couldn't have and knew it was wrong, but she'd really thought she had it all figured out. She was punished for that arrogance, and it forever changed the way she thought about life and alchemy. She'd tried to teach the Elrics those lessons, but she hadn't tried hard enough, and they made the exact same mistake as a result.

Meanwhile, Edward was having a very similar train of thought to Izumi. He felt like he had no right to be frustrated, because he was the one who caused this situation in the first place. Everything that had come of it was his punishment—losing his leg, losing Alphonse, losing his arm to prevent losing Alphonse…then his automail surgery, and becoming a dog of the military, and every disappointment and failed lead since. The things that were his burden to bear, those were justified…but the things having to do with Alphonse, he found unfair. In the end, Alphonse had lost so much more than Edward, and he didn't deserve it. Sure, it was punishment toward Edward to take away his last remaining family, but it was punishment toward Alphonse himself, too. Edward just wanted to fix it, but part of his punishment was obviously having as many obstacles in the way of that as possible.

"Teacher…" Edward started.

"I'm not your teacher anymore, Edward," Izumi reminded him, albeit less harshly than before.

"I know…habit…" Edward amended. He sighed, removing his hands from his eyes and looking over at Izumi. "Since I'm not your student anymore…can I ask you something—as an equal?"

Izumi didn't respond verbally, but gave her permission by waiting for him to continue.

"Do you think the Truth is fair?" he asked quietly.

Izumi had also thought about this often, but she had to think about how to word her answer. "Yes…" She sat back in her chair, hand resting against her abdomen in the way it often did when she thought about her past. "Human transmutation is alchemy's greatest sin. I feel like it's justified for its consequences to be the most severe. It's no different than someone committing a crime, and the law punishing them accordingly. You're going to get more punishment the worse the crime is. However…" Izumi looked at Edward, finding his hand had latched onto his automail forearm in a very similar way to her own unconscious movement. "I also feel it should take every circumstance into account. In the end, intentions don't mean much, but I truly believe that good people make bad decisions. Personally, I was motivated by grief and desperation, yes…but I also honestly believed in my abilities. I believed I could cheat the laws of alchemy, and I deserved my punishment for that belief."

Edward hesitated a moment, looking down with dark eyes. "...I believed that too. Alphonse tried to tell me it could still go wrong, but I was so certain…I even begged the Truth to let me see more. I really thought I was just one puzzle piece away from bringing her back…until it brought up the toll, at least." Edward shifted, suddenly overly aware of the weight of the metal on his shoulder and thigh. "I…I think I deserved my punishment too. But Al…" He closed his eyes, focusing on detaching himself from his words and keeping them unemotional. "He always says he wanted to bring her back just as much…But I also know he always had doubts where I didn't. He says he willingly helped me make that circle and he deserves to have paid a toll for it just as much as I did. Maybe it's just because he's my little brother, but I don't think so. At the very least, he shouldn't have paid a toll nearly as hefty as mine. But instead, he lost everything. He wouldn't even be here if I hadn't traded my arm for his soul. I deserved what I got, but…it doesn't seem fair to me what happened to Al."

Izumi took Edward's words in. After a moment, she stood from her chair, moving to sit beside him on the couch instead and setting his book on the coffee table. He stiffened slightly at her closeness, but didn't move away. "Edward…"

Hearing the seriousness of her tone, he turned to face her, waiting in anticipation. "Y-yes, ma'am?"

Izumi placed her hands on Edward's shoulders, firmly enough that he'd be able to feel the pressure of both, even through his automail. She locked eye contact with him, showing him that what she was about to say was important and required his full attention. He looked back, without a trace of insolence—just steady, objective reception.

"Listen…" Izumi started. "Maybe it isn't fair what happened to your brother—or to you, despite what you think. But the cold, harsh reality is…life rarely is. It wasn't fair for your father to leave your family, or for your mother to die. It wasn't fair for me to struggle with infertility, finally conceive, and lose my child. Life is full of injustices, and we could spend every moment of our lives wondering why terrible things happen. It's easy to get caught up on the bad, and let it consume us. It's that type of thinking that leads to committing sins like human transmutation, after all. But at the same time, life is also full of joy. If we only focus on what's wrong, we'll miss all the things that make living worthwhile. You and Alphonse have suffered—far too much for the length of your lives, in my opinion. But you've also gained a lot. Think about all the people who still love and care for you, even without your father or mother. Think about the small joys of everyday life, of the planet we're blessed to live on. You're allowed to feel sorrow—and even resentment—for the bad things. But never let those bad things consume you; there's too much good out there to give up hope. That's a lesson everyone, at some point in their life, has to learn."

With their eyes still locked, Izumi could see every raw emotion hidden away in Edward's. Pain, and fear, and sorrow…and understanding. She knew that deep down, he believed her words…it would just take a while for him to accept them.

Having said her piece, Izumi moved her hands from his shoulders, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. Just like on the day he and Alphonse first arrived and she figured out what they'd done, it took a moment for Edward to return the hug. He was never a very physical person, even as a ten year old…but when he did accept a show of physical affection, he accepted it wholeheartedly. Edward wrapped his own arms around Izumi, pressing his head against her shoulder. She rubbed his back lightly, letting him hold on as long as he needed. That only turned out to be about a minute, but when he pulled away, he seemed content enough to satisfy her.

"I'm going to go man the shop until dinner," Izumi said, standing. "Hopefully your brother isn't late…"

Edward smiled a little, picking his book back up. "He can get carried away with reading just as much as I can…but he's at least responsible enough to remember deadlines."

"At least one of you boys are…" Izumi smiled back. "I'd hate to have to reprimand him." The glint in her eyes said she wasn't as opposed to it as she claimed, and Edward shuddered. Izumi laughed, leaving the fifteen-year-old to his studies. "I'll come get you when dinner is ready."

"Thank you, Teacher," Edward said.

And this time, Izumi didn't correct him.

I freaking love hugs, man. Gimme a big ol' heartfelt hug any day, they're the best.

I actually have another Izumi/Ed oneshot that takes place during this part of the timeline, fanon-ically one day before this lol. I plan on posting it (and every other waitlisted story) after I complete this and at least a couple more chapters of Simple Things *wink wink*