Tobias.

He was there, he was real. After months of yearning to see him, he was right there. Standing right in front of her. Beatrice's heart sped up and she felt her breath quicken. His calloused hand held hers, grounding her. She was safe.

"Name?" His voice broke her from her thoughts, startling her. Was his voice deeper?

"B-" She paused. Beatrice was too long, too formal. It didn't fit her anymore—if it ever had. Another thing she had outgrown in Abnegation, tossed to the side like her jacket before she jumped.

"Think about it, you don't get to pick again." His voice was firm yet calm. It sent shivers down her spine. Tobias looked so professional and strong. She thought back to all the times he stood in the training room in Abnegation, how he never looked this settled or confident, and cleared her throat.

"Tris." She tried to match his tone as she chose the nickname he had given her, years ago. He hardly used it, much preferring Bea, but she remembered it fondly.

"Tris…. Make the announcement Four." A girl in the crowd behind Tobias yelled. She looked strong. Pretty. Tobias smirked.

"First jumper, Tris!"

Cheers broke out amongst the Dauntless, drowning out the scream of the next jumper as the noise echoed off the walls.

This was going to be her home now. She would make it her home.

"Welcome to Dauntless, Tris," Tobias said, putting his hand on the small of her back to push her gently into the crowd of people. More people than she could count came up to her, introducing themselves and congratulating her. They were proud of her. They...seemed to like her.

Once the initiates entered the compound, Tobias took them on a tour of the compound that ended at their dorms. They were instructed to change and head to dinner. Tris found herself sticking by Christina, the Candor transfer she had met on the train ride.

The past year in Abnegation she had focused entirely on survival; in Dauntless, she had the chance here to make something of her own. Something more than making it to the next day. The irony was almost funny—wasn't it in Dauntless you were supposed to fear for your life every day?—but as Tris approached the cafeteria with Christina, it struck her that this was the first friendship she could choose for herself since Tobias. Not for what would be convenient for her family, or helpful for neighbors. But because Christina made jokes that made Tris laugh, and had a smile that made her want to smile back, and could talk about anything and everything.

It felt incredibly selfish. And Tris let herself relish in it.

By the time the two of them reached the cafeteria, the only two seats next to each other that were empty were beside Tobias. Tris pointed towards them.

"Let's sit there."

Christina's eyes widened. "You want to sit next to Four? He looks like he wants to kill all of us."

He's probably just annoyed and hungry.

"There aren't any other seats open next to each other. Besides, I'm sure he isn't as bad as he looks. I'll sit next to him and you can sit next to me, deal?"

Christina nodded, looking relieved that she wouldn't have to sit right next to Four. Tris felt butterflies in her stomach. She hadn't been this close to Tobias in months, it felt surreal.

A more sinister feeling stole all the butterflies from her stomach when she realized he knew nothing about the past eleven months. Either Tris was going to break their promise of no more secrets and hide it from him or explain to him how she broke a promise and made his worst dream come true.

What if he hated her? Had realized he was better off without her? Would he even want to admit he knew her?

"Er, hi. Do you mind if I sit here?" Playing the role of a scared initiate felt weird and wrong. Toby nodded before going back to eating. "So much for a warm greeting," Tris muttered. If he heard her, his face didn't show it.

Tris sat down, wincing from a sharp pain in her pelvis. Everything hurt, still, even though Marcus hadn't touched her like that in a week or so. She needed to see a doctor, but that had been impossible in Abnegation. The thought of going to a stranger in Dauntless about such a thing terrified her, but the thought of failing initiation because of her pain terrified her more.

"Told you," Christina whispered. Tris rolled her eyes.

"Shut up."

"Ooh! You're feisty for a Stiff, where did you learn to say shut up from?"

Tris glared at her, clenching her fist. "Don't call me Stiff ever again, or I swear I'll break your nose before you can say Dauntless." Her voice came out in a low growl. She had been called Stiff enough at school; she refused to let it happen here. Christina's eyes widened and she quickly nodded.

"Ok, sheesh. Chill tiger."

Tris raised her eyebrows. "Tiger?"

"Tiger, a very large solitary cat with a yellow-brown coat striped with black that is extremely rare." A boy across from them automatically replied.

"What textbook did you swallow?" Christina asked. A laugh bubbled out of Tris. The whole making friends thing seemed to be a lot easier than she cracked it up to be.

"It's called actually paying attention in history class," the boy said, "I'm Will, by the way."

"Christina, and this is Tris."

Tris blushed at the attention, though she hated how her cheeks filled with heat. She needed to work on that before anyone thought she was too soft. She poked at the brown patty-like thing in the middle of the table with her fork, trying to take the attention off of her.

"What's this?"

"Hamburger," Tobias grunted. "Here, put this on it. It's called ketchup."

Tris jumped, not expecting to hear his voice.

"Thanks," she said, taking the red sauce. The so-called hamburger smelled crazy good and looked better than anything she had eaten in Abnegation.

"Have you never seen a hamburger before?" Christina asked, bewildered. Tris noticed that she had already finished her hamburger and was eating soft-looking yellow sticks.

"No, I've seen one. Just haven't eaten one."

Christina sighed. "Girl, we are going to have to seriously change some things."

Tobias snorted next to her. Grinning, Tris gently kicked his foot. She took a bite of her burger and moaned.

"This is so good," she said through a mouthful of food. Christina and Will laughed, and she could feel Tobias's shoulders shake with silent laughter next to her. "What are these?" She asked, picking up one of the soft stick things that Christina had been eating before. Christina smiled.

"That, my friend, is a french fry." She nodded toward the ketchup. "You can dip them in there, but honestly I like them without ketchup."

She dipped it into the ketchup and took a bite. "I could get used to this," she mumbled. Tobias quietly chuckled, tilting his head to subtly whisper into her ear.

"It gets better, just wait until dessert."

Tris finished her hamburger and fries and then waited as Christina went to get them dessert. She came back carrying multiple plates of a dark brown cake. Chocolate cake. Her mouth started to water as she remembered the first and only time she had eaten chocolate. Years ago, Tobias had stolen a chocolate bar from the Factionless distribution center and had given it to her for her birthday. They shared it while sitting in the meadow, watching the stars shine above them. She took a plate of cake and took a small bite.

The chocolate cake melted in her mouth. It tasted every bit as magical as she remembered the chocolate bar tasting.

"I take it that I was right?" Tobias whispered. Tris nodded, a smile playing on her lips.

"Can we meet?" Tris glanced over at Christina and Will who were talking, completely oblivious to her conversation with Tobias.

"I can sneak away tonight," Tobias whispered, "how does midnight sound? I'll meet you by the dorm room and we can head to the chasm."

Tris nodded. "Sounds good." She went back to the cake, finishing it in much larger bites. "I missed you."

Tobias gave her a small smile. "Yeah, I missed you too."

A few hours later Tris was snuggled in her bed in her dorm, listening to the snores of her fellow transfers. Peter's were the loudest, even though they came from across the room. Al was crying above her, occasionally sniffling and hiccuping in an attempt to stop. The watch on her wrist said it was 11:50, 10 minutes before she was supposed to meet Toby. Her chest felt tight from anxiety, but anticipation filled her limbs with restlessness. It felt impossible to stay still, she needed to move. For years she had spent nights training, not sleeping. Her body had been trained to move once it got dark, not to rest.

She decided there was little use to keep lying in her bed, so Tris decided to get up and leave the dorms. She didn't bother putting on shoes, her new thick socks would be enough, and slipped on a hoodie. Before she left, Al sat up.

"Tris?" He whispered, his voice strained from crying, "where are you going?"

"Can't sleep, gonna take a walk," she whispered back, "and get some water."

He nodded, laying back down on his upper bunk. Hopefully, he would fall asleep and wouldn't come looking for her soon.

Tris took a deep of fresh air once she left the dorm. It felt so good to be alone. She wasn't constantly watched and expected to be selfless and Marcus couldn't get her. She was...safe. Tobias had said he would be there at midnight, so Tris resorted to pacing outside the dorms. The movement stretched her restless muscles, giving them something to do. After a few moments, Tris heard the sound of footsteps coming from the other direction.

Was he going to be upset with her for missing their meetings? Was he hurt? Mad? What if he only wanted to meet to tell her he never wanted to talk to her again? Or had found someone better?

Nerves bubbled in her stomach and disappeared once she turned around and saw Tobias walking toward her. A smile grew on her face as he approached, his face and shoulders relaxed. He looked like the kid she knew back in Abnegation, just stronger and more confident. He neared, smiling at her before picking her up and twirling her around. As soon as Tobias put her down she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He followed, pulling her tight against his chest. He had grown a full head taller than her so his head could rest gently on top of hers.

"I missed you," she said into his chest, "so, so much."

"You have no idea," Toby whispered into her hair. "Come on, let's go somewhere safer."

Holding her hand, he led her toward the chasm. The path was already becoming familiar to her, and she realized that she recognized a couple of the turns. Soon enough, they reached the spot by the roaring chasm where he had taken her when she visited for Visitors Day.

"I love you so much, Bea," he said, "I'm so happy you're here."

"I love you too, Toby." And she meant it.

"I was so worried you would stay. I was so, so scared of losing you." His voice cracked when he mentioned losing her, filling her chest with an unusual softness. Tris reached to hold his cheek in her hand, brushing her thumb across his cheekbone to reassure him.

"Oh, Tobias. You aren't going to lose me. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, I know." He sighed, squeezing her hand tighter. "We finally made it."

"We're finally Dauntless. Together." Toby smiled.

"I have so much I want to show you. I have an apartment now! It's kind of out of the way and small, but I didn't want to get anything too fancy until you were here and could choose where we live. I started decorating but I have absolutely no talent at it so that might have to be a joint effort if you-" he paused, catching his breath. "Fuck. I didn't even ask if you would want to move in. I'm sorry, I'm just excited. There's no pressure at all, I mean I'm sure you'll get first place too so you'll get your own apartment no problem, and-"

"Shhh, Toby." She had never seen him so flustered. It was cute. "I would love to live with you after initiation. Your apartment sounds lovely."

"I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or push too much on you."

"You're not. I've been dreaming about this, about us, for just as long as you have. I love you. I want to be with you."

"Forever and always." He whispered.

Tris smiled, thinking about the necklace that was in her pocket. "Forever and always."

Tobias wound his fingers into her hair, resting his hand against the nape of her neck. He gently pulled her head towards his, closing the distance between them and kissing her. His rough lips pressed against hers, and she reached up to tug on his brown hair. A familiar spark ignited her core, growing as Tobias pulled her towards the wall of the chasm, pushing her against the wall as he continued to kiss her. A moment later panic flooded her chest, smothering the heat at her core and threatening to overwhelm her senses.

Images of Marcus doing the same thing flashed through her mind. Her chest was tight. She couldn't breathe. Tris turned her head, breaking the kiss as she gasped trying to catch her breath. Tobias let go of her, gazing at her startled. Tris leaned over, hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath.

"Oh my god, Bea are you ok?"

"Fine," she gasped, "I'm ok."

"I'm so sorry, I should've asked-"

"You're-you're ok." Tris stood up and leaned against the wall. Her entire body trembled. Marcus's face still lingered in her mind. She slid down the wall, sitting against the cold stone floor. Tobias joined her, sitting right in front of her with a concerned look on his face. He didn't touch her but stayed a comfortably close distance away.

"I'm sorry if I went too far. I wasn't thinking, I'm so sorry."

"Toby, it's ok." Tris reached out her hand to grab his. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He sounded shocked for some reason.

"For reacting the way I did."

He sighed. "Bea, you had every right to react that way. Especially because you didn't feel comfortable with it. I want you to stop me if I go too far. I'm in the wrong here, not you."

"You-you stopped." Tears began to well in her eyes, but she wasn't sure why. She wasn't sad. Mostly just stunned and scared. "I didn't even say anything."

"Well, yeah. You weren't comfortable—of course I stopped." He bit his lip, squeezing her hand. "What's going on, Bea? What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head, looking at the ground. "It's fine, I just-" Her voice cracked, causing her to wince. She just what? Was raped by his dad who abused him for years? And now can't kiss her boyfriend without remembering?

"It's okay, we don't have to talk about this now." He tentatively reached out before placing his hand on her cheek. It took everything in her to keep herself from flinching.

Tobias won't hurt me. I am safe.

"I'm really sorry." She sounded so weak, but he needed to know she was in the wrong. Not him. She was the weak one.

"You don't need to be sorry, Bea. Trust me. I love you, you can tell me anything. Nothing you can say will make me love you any less. Okay?"

He said that, but did he really mean it?

"Okay." She scooted forward until she sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt his shoulders relax, and he wrapped an arm around her side in a sort of half-hug. This was good. This was safe. "Can we talk about training?"

Tobias chuckled. "Sure, what do you want to know?"

"What should I focus on?"

"Honestly, nothing really. You're going to be way stronger than any of the initiates, and on par with the Dauntless born. I wouldn't worry." Tobias sighed. "Eric, the other trainer, decided we are 'cutting' people this year. So if you don't make it in the top group, you're sent to be factionless."

"What?" That was barbaric-

"Trust me, we've argued and fought over it more times than I could count. You'll be fine, I have no doubts about it. But the sooner I could tell you the more time you have to wrap your mind around it."

"And who decides where we are in rankings? Both of you?"

Tobias shook his head. Something sank in Tris's stomach. "It's all Eric. I have some input of course, but it has to be all him if we want to go public after you make it through. Otherwise, they'll call favorites." Tobias leaned his head on top of hers. "Also, you need to act like you're scared of me and like you hate me."

"That's easier said than done."

Tobias laughed. "I know, it'll be hard for me too. But I don't want anyone thinking your rank is because of favoritism. I want them to respect you." Tris nodded, a smile tugging up the corners of her mouth. "You might want to look weaker at the beginning and act like you are building up strength. The others will see you as less of a target that way."

"I'd like to not be a target," Tris said. Tobias smiled. "I can do that."

"Good." He squeezed his arm around her, reassuring her even more. "Hey, once this is all over and you pass initiation we are going to be able to be together and do whatever we want whenever we want."

"God that sounds incredible." Tris sighed. "We have so much to catch up on."

"I know. It's okay, we have time." Tobias squeezed her hand. "Why weren't you able to visit any of the times at the training room?"

Beatrice flinched harshly. Oh god, oh no. No no no. She felt her body start to shake once more.

"Oh no, Bea I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it." She could hear the hurt in his voice, along with the confusion.

"I was just-just busy. I couldn't escape."

"Escape?"

"Uh, leave my room. My parents started to catch on, it got too risky." Tobias nodded. "I'm so sorry. I hate that you kept visiting and I wasn't able to be there."

"You could've left a note or something—anything." That was definitely hurt in his voice. She hated that she was the reason.

"I know, I'm sorry. I should have." He nodded. "You have every right to be upset with me about that, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I was just really worried about you. But you're here now and that's what matters." Tris forced a smile, nodding her head. "Why didn't you go to school after Visiting Day?"

She felt her muscles stiffen once again. This was bad. Bad, bad, bad.

"How did you know that?"

"I asked Zeke's younger brother, Uriah, to find you at school. You guys are the same age, and I knew you had trouble at school with bullies and stuff. I told him to look out for you, but he never found you."

"My dad, he-" the sound of footsteps echoed off the rock walls. Tris froze. "Do you hear that?"

Tobias stood up, pulling her up with him. She dusted off her shirt, taking a step away from him just in case.

"Tris!" A voice called out. She spun around and found Al running towards her. His eyes were still bloodshot from crying, and he seemed out of breath.

"What are you doing initiate?" Toby's voice turned hard, causing Tris to jump. Her blood turned cold. He sure was good at being scary. Almost too good.

"Tris said she was getting water and going on a walk. She was taking a while, I wanted to come looking for her." Tobias glanced at her, but she looked anywhere but at him or Al.

"Tris can take care of herself, y'know." Tris blushed. He didn't need to do this.

"I-"

"Get going, I expect these late-night expeditions won't make you late for training tomorrow."

"No sir." Tobias gave her a once-over before turning on his heel and leaving. Al sighed a breath of relief next to her.

"Thanks," She said reluctantly.

"No problem, what were you doing here?" They made their way back to the dorms. Tris remembered the way well enough to figure out the path while talking with Al.

"I bumped into him while on my walk, nothing happened."

"He terrifies me." Tris nodded, even though the opposite was true. She had to remind herself that no one else had gotten to see the vulnerable child she grew up with. They knew him as scary Four.

They reached the dorms. Tris gave Al a smile. "Thanks again. Try and sleep well."

"You too."

Sleep didn't happen. Although her bed was cozy and warm, Tris couldn't close her eyes for more than a few minutes before images of Marcus and that house overwhelmed her. She couldn't risk leaving again in case Al followed her, so she remained in her bed. Fighting the demons that remained in Abnegation but continued to haunt her.

Thank you for reading!

DFTBA,

thebooktrooper