Tris POV
Soon enough it's my turn to fight. Four calls my name, worry evident in his eyes. I give him a soft smile of reassurance before turning to Molly. She smirks at me, putting her arms up in the defensive stance Four taught us the other day. Anger and embarrassment returns from earlier. I clench my teeth.
"Was that a birthmark I saw on your left bet cheek? God, you're pale stiff." A fat, ugly smirk creeps on her mouth. I swallow.
"Shut up," I growl, but don't strike out. She always makes the first move, I just have to wait.
We circle the mat a few more times before she shuffles towards me and aims a punch. I duck, swiftly hitting her in the stomach before slipping past her and raising my guard up again. Easy.
"What about your back? Were those scars I saw?" My eyes widen and my guard slips for a second. She takes advantage of my shock by swiftly kicking my legs out from beneath me. I fall on the ground with a loud thump.
Get up, I yell inside my head. She can hurt you more down here. Get up, get up, GET UP.
"Did your daddy abuse you? Just like Marcus Eaton abused his kid? Hmm?" I freeze one knee on the mat and the other bent midway through trying to stand up. No, no, no, not now. I just stopped crying. I'm past this. "Aw, are you scared Stiff? Scared poor daddy is going to come back and beat you senseless? Just like your ugly ass deserves?" She aims a quick kick towards my side. I fall again, my side aching.
"Stop," I whisper. Pulling myself up, I weakly put my arms in front of my face. My exhaustion is starting to catch up with me as they begin to shake. Molly chuckles.
"Stop? No way Stiff. I am just getting started." She aims another punch, this time towards my head. I duck just in time, causing her to become unbalanced. Taking advantage of that, I run towards her pushing hard into her stomach. She falls, and I pin her down. I aim a punch towards her face, effectively knocking her out. I stand up, kicking her in the ribs one more time. Then I do it again. Fury overcomes me. I forget Tobias is watching me. All I can think about is that she just revealed my biggest secret to possibly the entire initiate group. Blood flows from her nose all over her face, but I don't care.
I pull my leg back again to kick her, but Four grabs my arms. Unable to resist his grasp, I relax.
"You won," he mutters, his voice dark. "Stop."
I brush my hands on my pants and look up at him. His eyes are wide, concerned.
"Forget talking tomorrow, we need to talk now," he whispers harshly, "about what just happened." I shake my head.
"Practice is over! Go have lunch. Someone bring Molly to the infirmary." Four yells. The initiates joyfully cheer before leaving, Drew lifting up Molly and following Peter out. Eric gives me an approving glance which leaves me feeling sick.
"What do we have to talk about?" I ask, hoping that I can get away by playing dumb. His hand is still wrapped tightly around my bicep, squeezing it. I barely notice.
"What the hell was that, Tris?" He yells, ripping his hand from my arm. "You knocked her out with one punch, but you kept kicking. If I hadn't stopped you you could have killed her!" I look down, too scared to look at him. My body aches, my hands cut and bloody.
"I'm-," no, I'm not sorry. She had that coming for her. "Things happened, Tobias."
"What happened?" He demanded. I finally have the courage to look up at him. "I'm sick of you keeping secrets from me! I thought we were in this together, but we barely talk! You keep these secrets stored inside you, never letting me help you with any of them," his voice drops to a low whisper, "is it because you don't trust me?"
"No, gosh no. Tobias, I trust you. I trust you with my life, with my future, with everything. I just…" Realizing there was no excuse I sigh and lean against a concrete pillar. "I was changing today and my pants and shirt didn't fit so I had to go back to the dorm to get new ones. Peter, Molly, and Drew cornered me in just my towel. I tried to escape, but they-they pulled it off." Tears threaten to fall from my eyes but I push them back. "That's why I was late. I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could and cried for I don't know for how long. Christina found me after you sent her to find me, she's getting suspicious of us by the way, and helped me calm down. She said I was having a panic attack."
Tobias ran his hand through his grown out hair. It's different than the Abnegation short that I'm used to, but I like it. I get the sudden urge to run my hands through it, but I ignore it. "And that's why you beat Molly senseless today? Because of that?" I nod slowly. "What was she saying to you up there? You froze again. It isn't like you to freeze like that. You're an adrenaline junkie, you go and don't stop until your adrenaline runs out."
"She just, uh, said some things about earlier. That's all. I was shocked, and she took advantage of it." He looked at me dubiously before wrapping me in a tight hug.
"I'm sorry Bea. I wish I could make this easier for you. You don't deserve this." I shake my head.
"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. I'm fine, I should be stronger than this. I'm pathetic." Toby's face grows hard.
"Stop saying that, Bea. It isn't true." He glances at my hands, and then at my side where I can already feel a bruise forming. "How about I help you get cleaned up? Then we can have a late lunch and you can go have fun with your friends before Visiting Day tomorrow." Though the mention of Visiting Day makes my stomach clench up, I nod.
"Thank you," I whisper, "I don't deserve you." He chuckles.
"No, you've helped me in more ways than I can count. It's only right that I help you now." I give him a small smile, which he returns before reaching for my hand and holding onto it tight.
After Tobias helps me wrap my hands and gives me ice more my side we grab lunch. We sit in the dark corner of the cafeteria where you can only see us if you look closely and eat our lunch silently, simply enjoying each other's presence. Once we finish our salads, he gives me a small kiss and one last squeeze of my hand before leaving.
"Love you," I whisper. A small smile grows on his face.
"I'll never get tired of you saying that," he whispers back, "I love you too Bea."
Afterwards, I head off to try and find Christina. She said something about getting tattoos earlier...maybe she's waiting for me at the tattoo parlor. Deciding to check there first, I throw away my trash and head off in the general direction of the parlor. I'm not really sure where it is, but it can't be too hard to find. After a bit of walking, I find the parlor. It's black like many buildings are in the pit. I walk inside, astounded by the variety of art. It has to be the most colorful place in Dauntless. Designs swirl around me, mixing with colors to create a pleasing atmosphere.
Relief washes over me as I see Christina studying a design. As I walk closer to her I see that it's a bird. It's simple, no colors or anything, but its simplicity is beautiful.
"I like that," I say. She jumps, nearly dropping the picture.
"Fuck! Tris, you scared me." I laugh and shrug my shoulders.
"Sorry," looking around I smile. "You were actually serious about getting tattoos today?" Christina's eyes light up.
"Yes! Here, let me show you the one I want to get. I want your opinion on it." I raise my eyebrow.
"Me? As in the Stiff with no life?" She laughs a nice sound. It's soft but pretty. Not too loud, but not too quiet either.
"I think you've proven that you're not a stiff anymore. Anyways, what do you think about this?" I look down at the picture. A flame which I recognize as the Dauntless symbol is black, and a bright orange bird rises from it. "It's called a Phoenix, it's a made up creature from hundreds of years ago. It stands for rebirth, and I don't know. I like to think it stands for being reborn in Dauntless."
Christina plays with her fingers, not looking me in the eye. She's worried about what my reaction will be. An easy smile grows on my face, "It's perfect for you, Christina. I think you should get it."
"Really? I'm so glad you think so. I'm going to go find somebody."
"Alright, I'll meet you at the dorms ok? Don't wait for me or anything." I say.
"You're getting one, right?" I nod.
"Yeah, I just want to find the right one, you know what I mean? It might take a while." She nods.
"Alright then, see you later Tris!"
After she leaves, I walk around the room a bit more. I feel drawn to the birds, though I'm not sure why. They stand for freedom...independence. I pick up the picture, suddenly getting an idea.
I bring the picture of the birds up to one of the helpers that are casually walking around the shop. "Hey, is there any way I could sketch something with these birds and have that as a tattoo?" When the lady turns around I instantly recognize her. She's the same person who led my test.
"Beatrice, isn't it? I wasn't expecting to see you here."
"You work in the tattoo parlor? I thought you did the aptitude tests? Also, it's Tris" She nods.
"I volunteer to lead those every year, I work in here for the rest of the time." Gesturing towards the picture of the birds, "What do you have there?" I hand her the picture and wait a moment while she inspects it. Explaining my idea to her, she nods and leads me to her office. Inside, there is a chair just like the one I sat in for my aptitude test. There's also a desk with lots of papers containing half finished sketches, and lots of multi color pens. Tori sits down at her desk and gestured to the chair next to it.
"Take a seat, make yourself comfortable. We may be here for a while." I nod and watch as she pulls out a pencil and begins to sketch out my idea. After a few minutes, she hands me her sketchbook. "What do you think?" Looking down, I gasp. It's exactly what I wanted.
"It's…perfect. How did you get it on the first try? That's amazing." She smirks.
"I've been doing this for a long time. Now, do you want colors?" I nod and specify the specifics. She nods and uses her colored pencils to shade it as I say. Handing it back to me, I smile.
"That's it. Can I get it now?"
"Of course, I just need to do a few things to prepare it and then we'll be ready to go." She closes the door behind her, leaving me with the notebook. Looking down again, I smile. It's perfect.
A gray birdcage is made of the words liberos, immunes, fortis, dignus in cursive. Supposedly they stand for free, independent, strong, worthy in an old language called Latin. Two of the black birds I picked out earlier fly from the cage, free from its clutches. The cage stands for Abnegation, and the two black birds are Toby and me.
Half an hour later, Tori returns with a bag of things. She sets up the machine next to me before asking where I want the tattoo.
"Um, could you do it on my shoulder blade?" She nods.
"Of course. Do you mind taking off your shirt for me?" My eyes widen. I shake my head. "Why not?
"I, uh, would prefer not to." Please don't force me to take it off. Please. She sighs.
"Well, I'm not sure there is any other way to get it on your shoulder blade then." I look down. "Hey, you were Abnegation. Did you know Tobias Eaton?" I freeze, how does she know Toby.
"Yeah, why?" I ask cautiously. She sits next to me on the bench.
"How well do you know him?"
"I guess you could say very well."
"Alright, do you know if the rumors are true or not?" I gasp.
"Uh, yeah. Do you?" She nods, letting out a large sigh.
"Yeah, I do. He transferred here you know. He came in here during his initiation and got a large tattoo to cover all the scars on the back. He had the same reaction you had." She glances at me again. "So I'm assuming you have the same problem he had."
I stare at her, speechless. My mouth opens and closes like a fish.
"I just want to let you know that you aren't the only one. That you can trust me, and that if you let it, this tattoo can be a part of your healing process." I think back to what Shauna said to me at one of our meetings the other day.
"You have to take control of your body again. For seven months he controlled your body. Now it's your turn to do something and take back control."
"Alright," I whisper. With shaking fingers, I lift my top up and over my head trying to forget the last time that I did this it resulted in a beating harsh enough to knock me unconscious. I lay on my stomach and take a deep breath.
"So, I'm thinking right about here," Tori whispers softly, tracing a circle on my right shoulder blade with a light finger.
"Sounds good."
"Right, let's get this over with then. It's going to hurt, but I'm sure you'll do fine."
Two hours later, and my tattoo is finally finished. I hear the snap of a camera, and sit up. Tori hands the camera to me.
"It turned out great, here." I take the camera and gasp. It looks even better than it did on paper. My skin is red, which explains the slight pain in my shoulder, but it was completely worth it. I smile.
"Thank you so much, this is perfect. How can I thank you?" She shakes her head.
"It was my pleasure. Helping you is thanks enough." I smile again and give her a tight hug. "Hey, Tris?"
"Yeah?"
"If you ever need anything, I'm always here. And I would try to find Tobias if you can. Talking to him will help." I give her a tight smile and nod.
"Thanks again."
"You're welcome. Come back soon." I nod.
"Of course." I leave her office, and head to the very bored looking cashier. I hand her the bill Tori gave me, and she quickly deducts it from my point balance. Giving her a small nod, I leave the parlor feeling more empowered than I had since before Toby left for Dauntless. Toby. I can't wait to show him the tattoo.
Talking to him will help.
I want to, no I need to. Just not right now. Not when everything is working out so well. No, I won't tell him, for now.