it was another wonderful Christmas night, Cale Porter had another wonderful evening dressed as Santa like he did all year-round living in Wisconsin, a friend to all, friendliest face on the block and Christmas was always his time to shine even if it was always cold where he was to a point where it was like living in the North Pole so it was alright.. just.. alright..

it was something where he seemed meet everyone's expectations.. excluding his own even if the high he would get from every year at Christmas, being everyone's Santa and everyone loving him and even HE would be getting presents this year.. lots of 'em.. but none of them were what he actually wanted..

for years he smiled and smiled until he was slowly forcing a smile, to a point that having done this for a while meant that he had to figure someway out of this, he thought as he smoked a lovely christmas joint, enjoying the rest of the evening.. taking another glance at his 1996 Holiday Barbie doll and remembering why he even wanted to be Santa in the first place.. but then remembering what he even did it for and why.. he then thought:

"I'm 53, I just turned 53, what chance do I have to even.."

but then it was like something within him snapped.

He took off everything and got into more normal clothes, put his glasses back on, made sure his actual white beard growing out of his face looked decent enough and then made a late-night withdrawal at his nearby bank and.. took out everything and then he packed up, wrote a note, left the door open and taped the note to a desk by the tv saying "I'm off to see the world, won't be coming back, thank you for everything. And though should I come back, I'll be a new man."

And then he got into his car and drove off to Venice, California where he stayed for a bit at a hotel before deciding that it was where he wanted to live.

Knowing that he had his internal struggles hence why he left, he scheduled to see a professional about this, an actual therapist who he had seen for a good few weeks and after what he had been eventually pouring out to her, it became clear what needed to be done so she prescribed Cale a medication that would likely help.

And it relaxed him and helped give him a sense of self while making him feel more soft and less afraid to be vulnerable and even cry sometimes.

Then he looked in the mirror, at his beachfront property really starting to see his whole Santa thing as more of a mask than before especially as he lost some weight but not all of it, so on a whim, he cut off his beard, shaved his whole face clean and got LASIK a week before so he could those blue eyes of this a lot better.

Then he shaved all the hair off his arms, his chest, his legs, everywhere.

He needed a nap and a shower after all that.

It was weird as fuck to see himself like that but he saw a clearer picture of who he could be and who he wanted to be which he kept inside for what felt like months but was basically all his life.

He needed to be a new man, if not a new woman.

The medication he was on was hormone replacement therapy and of course was growing physical feminine assets such as breast tissue, or just breasts, nice large lovely beautiful breasts and a butt just as big, beautiful and plump as her newly formed lips as well.

For a while she wore a wig until her silver-white hair which she then dyed a nice yellow-golden blonde as it all grew out past her thighs.

it felt new, it felt interesting just to see her in window-reflections walking around the Venice and Los Angeles area of California essentially the new Barbie on the riviera and having to hear a few men call out to her, HER!

She would've never in a million years expected that.

And she just smiled back and waved.

She brushed her hair every evening and even thinking that she doesn't even look 50 anymore, if anything she looked more a woman in her 30s or late 20s at most.

She really couldn't help but smile thinking it was all a dream for a while even if she often needed a nap after an hour.

She really spent a lot of time in bed reflecting and really absorbing everything that had happened but she always slept so peacefully and with a smile on her face.

She looked at herself one day and said: "I am Kayla Roberts and I'm never going back to who I was before because it was but a prison to me even if it was a fun prison, but I probably need to confront my past.."

so she packed up for a possible overnight or even 3-4 day visit in Wisconsin.

it was crazy when she felt the cold hit her but kept herself bundled up with the winter coat she brought and tucked all her hair up into the hood to keep it from getting damaged from any frostbite/'natural freezer burn' and even put a little cocoa butter on her face as she neared the border into her homestate.

she checked herself into a local hotel and took a walk around, it was not that different it was just, the energy felt kind of different, she knew it wasn't just her change in mindset, things were just kind of different without their Santa until she saw a familiar face who of course didn't know who she was or who she used to be but remembered him for years, he looked at her and smiled and said hi, saying "hey young thing I haven't seen you around here, are you coming to the Christmas party tonight?"

and our Miss Kayla had to go "oh there's a christmas party tonight? sounds fun!"

and she thought, "well may as well go out with a bang."

and she got into the very outfit she planned on wearing knowing about the party all along, it was annual and it was every christmas night, she knew that, she went for years as the party's emotional centerpiece and now she was likely going to do it again.

She essentially copied the 1996 Holiday Barbie's look, exactly, to a T, even tucking half her thick long hair into the white 'russian' hat so it would only go past her shoulders to her elbows, she looked stunning, full-on young Mrs. Clause, this was going to be interesting.

Especially when walking in, she saw that they had a replacement Santa but he didn't seem as fun, more a drunk but when they all saw her, there was a good moment of panic.

For her.

For them it was "oh my, she's beautiful, where did she come from?" everything of the sort but all in silence and all she could really do is stand there and smile giving off a familiar energy that they felt and MISSED for years to come and they gently welcomed her in, offered to take her coat but it being part of the look, she hesitated but it was getting a bit warm so facing and attacking her fear(s) head-on, she let them, revealing the big gold ballgown underneath that was a little low-cut and realized she had to take off the hat revealing her real hair-length to most people's shock and awe and while she had to deal with some being inappropriate, she knew from years of experience of being considered an easy target for being regular Santa how to deal with that and just had an actual good time, she realized how much she was missed, despite them not knowing who she even was, to them she was but a stranger despite her otherwise seeming so familiar in vibe and energy to them..

even if it was all in all, more for them than it was for her, as pretty as looked and felt as Mrs. Claus and gave plenty of kids some hugs and kisses and dancing with them until she got tired and slept on a couch and woke up with her coat on her body being used a blanket the next morning with her hair all tucked under the hat doubling as a pillow.

and there was a woman there letting her know she's safe and can have breakfast or something before she leaves and said:

"I maybe crazy but it felt like an old friend had come back, I hope he knows how much he was loved and how much he has been missed since he left.."

"..maybe he does but everyone has their own journey and maybe he realized what his true destination was and it wasn't here"

"I guess so..", she said.

"life and the human condition really is funny that way", she added.